Jump to content
No you cant play with us
10 replies to this topic
Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:38 PM
My DD is having some issues as school and I'm at a loss to what to do. Can anyone offer some suggestions please.
She's been put into a composite class with 4 other girls in her year. These 4 other girls were all in the same class last year and have obviously become quite close. There is one girl in particular that is very outspoken and seems to be the voice for all of them. If my DD asks to play with them she always says NO you cant play with us go away etc etc. She doesn't let the other girls speak for themselves. Even though they all sit at the same desk they leave her out of classroom discussions and pair up with each other. They haven't as yet called her names but they ignore her and leave her out of everything both in the classroom and playground.
What do you tell your kids to do if other kids say they dont want to play?
Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:47 PM
It sounds like a quiet chat to the teacher might not go astray. Perhaps s/he can get the kids to do some group activities in pairs that are pre-selected, as opposed to letting them choose their own groups, which might hopefully break down the cliques a little?
Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:51 PM
I'd drop a quiet word in teachers ear.
Another strategy might be to invite one or two of the other girls over for a play date.
And make it a play date to remember!
I read somewhere about one mother inviting the "ringleader" over for a play date or outing, to get her on side so to speak. That migth be a brave option.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:54 PM
Tell her to stop asking if she can play with them. It gives them n opportunity to say no.
Just play with them, if she wants.
Does your dd want a friendship with any of them?
If so then maybe have a play over with on of the nicer ones.
I think the teacher needs to be informed about what's going on. I'd be surprised if she didn't already know though. Think of strategies together to help include your dd. eg teacher says we're doing a task today, I'll be putting you in pairs today.... Etc etc.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:59 PM
How old is she?
My dd is 10 and has similar issues.
I'd go see the teacher first. Play dates etc are also a good idea but even ask girls outside that group so she isn't with those girls all the time.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:08 PM
Having recently just been through this exact same thing with my 8 yr old, I definitely agree with having a quiet word with the teacher. My DDs teacher was shocked when I told him what had been going on as he hadn't noticed anything. The following day he did a class talk about bullying and how it was unacceptable and if anyone was found to be bullying then they would be punished accordingly and the matter referred to the principal.
It seemed to do the trick and DD said that the girls let her play with them, she even had a couple of them over for play dates over the holidays. It turned out that the girls were scared of the ringleader and she had told them they weren't allowed to play with DD.
And if you feel that the teacher isn't dealing with it go straight to the principal.
I really feel for you and hope things get sorted soon
Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:11 PM
I am a bit on the other side of the coin, in terms of my child can be the bossy one that the other kids sometimes don't want to play with. I have just told him that we are nice to everyone etc and often he says something like that back to them. I have also told him though that when kids say stuff like that it means they don't want to play with him today, rather than they don't like him. I figure that helps for him not to take it personally.
If the teachers see him alone, they will ask him if he is okay on his own or would like someone to play with. They will happily match him up with someone else. He certainly knows a lot if people in the playground now! He does most of the initiating by himself, and the school has stuff like library and walking clubs at lunchtime he can do and be with others. And the class teacher obviously work on any personal and group issues in the classroom. As we try to at home too, sigh!
I would chat to the teacher too, and be surprised if he/she had not noticed.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:29 PM
Why can't she play with some of the other kids in her class? The 4 girls don't sound too pleasant anyway so why speak to the teacher? You can't manipulate every situation in your child's life, so let her make some new friends.
She might be the ring leader in the new circle of friends
Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:54 PM
This is an age old dynamic.
It happened in every class of every year that my children (particularly the girls) were at primary school. It was usually more of a problem in the beginning of the year.
There is almost always a 'ringleader', this is not supposed to be a derogatory remark but it is the little girl who like to hold court, she likes to organise her little team around her and it is usually at the detriment of the other girls who often find that their friendships must be run by the 'ringleader' who has to approve or disprove of who may enter their little circle.
There is invariably at least one child who will be excluded for no other reason than the boss lady doesn't want to include her, often it seemed that she actually felt threatened by her and that she may lose the control she enjoys by allowing another to infiltrate.
As a parent I think we do need to step back a little even when out hearts break for our children but
I think enlisting the help of the teacher is a good idea, she may even suggest some children from the older grade who may like a play date. What your little girl doesn't want to do is to push it with this group. The other girls will eventually catch on and start to branch out and your she will find some friends who are all on a level playing field.
Good luck with this.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:54 PM
We were on the other side of the problem to you OP. I got a call from DD's teacher last year telling me she had been telling the other kids she played with, that they couldn't play with one particular boy. So I had a quiet chat and it turned out to be partially my fault .
She had told me weeks before that one particular boy had been annoying her and taking her things and when in the playground, he would throw things at her and be mean. So I told her not to play with him at all and to stay away from him.
I told her it was okay to let him play with her when there was a group of them, and that was all that was needed in our case.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:45 PM
She,was,good friends with two of the girls in kindy then last year they were separated for first class and now back together for second class my daughter wants to reconnect with them. Ive talked to her about just joining in not asking first. I'm pretty sure her teacher knows as I spoke to last yesrs teacher about it the other day and she was going to speak to her about it. I think i'll have to be proactive with play dates. She has other friends to play with at lunch time but they spend longer in the class room and when there is a bad vibe between the girls it makes it very difficult for my dd. Being a composite class she cant sit with any other girls. I've also talked to dd about giving it time for the frienships to develep. Might have to speak direct to her teacher myself.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!
Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?
Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.
When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.
Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)
Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.
Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?
Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.
Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.
There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.
I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.
Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.
In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?
Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.
So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.
Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.
A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.
The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.
After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.
The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.
We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.
We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Top 5 Articles
It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.
His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.
It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.
From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.
The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.
Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.
When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.
Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.
Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.
Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.
We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)
See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.
DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)
Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!
Mind, body, beauty, life
We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.