Jump to content

No you cant play with us


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Hop1

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:38 PM

My DD is having some issues as school and I'm at a loss to what to do.  Can anyone offer some suggestions please.

She's been put into a composite class with 4 other girls in her year.  These 4 other girls were all in the same class last year and have obviously become quite close.  There is one girl in particular that is very outspoken and seems to be the voice for all of them.  If my DD asks to play with them she always says NO you cant play with us  go away etc etc. She doesn't let the other girls speak for themselves.  Even though they all sit at the same desk they leave her out of classroom discussions and pair up with each other.  They haven't as yet called her names but they ignore her and leave her out of everything both in the classroom and playground.

What do you tell your kids to do if other kids say they dont want to play?


#2 lizzzard

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:47 PM

It sounds like a quiet chat to the teacher might not go astray. Perhaps s/he can get the kids to do some group activities in pairs that are pre-selected, as opposed to letting them choose their own groups, which might hopefully break down the cliques a little?

#3 NunSoFeral

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:51 PM

I'd drop a quiet word in teachers ear.
Another strategy might be to invite one or two of the other girls over for a play date.
And make it a play date to remember!

I read somewhere about one mother inviting the "ringleader" over for a play date or outing, to get her on side so to speak. That migth be a brave option.



#4 Frockme

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:54 PM

Tell her to stop asking if she can play with them. It gives them n opportunity to say no.
Just play with them, if she wants.

Does your dd want a friendship with any of them?

If so then maybe have a play over with on of the nicer ones.

I think the teacher needs to be informed about what's going on. I'd be surprised if she didn't already know though. Think of strategies together to help include your dd. eg teacher says we're doing a task today, I'll be putting you in pairs today.... Etc etc.

Poor girl!

#5 KT1978

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:59 PM

How old is she?

My dd is 10 and has similar issues.

I'd go see the teacher first. Play dates etc are also a good idea but even ask girls outside that group so she isn't with those girls all the time.

#6 Lazycow

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:08 PM

Having recently just been through this exact same thing with my 8 yr old, I definitely agree with having a quiet word with the teacher. My DDs teacher was shocked when I told him what had been going on as he hadn't noticed anything. The following day he did a class talk about bullying and how it was unacceptable and if anyone was found to be bullying then they would be punished accordingly and the matter referred to the principal.

It seemed to do the trick and DD said that the girls let her play with them, she even had a couple of them over for play dates over the holidays. It turned out that the girls were scared of the ringleader and she had told them they weren't allowed to play with DD.

And if you feel that the teacher isn't dealing with it go straight to the principal.

I really feel for you and hope things get sorted soon bbighug.gif

#7 Spa Gonk

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:11 PM

I am a bit on the other side of the coin, in terms of my child can be the bossy one that the other kids sometimes don't want to play with.  I have just told him that we are nice to everyone etc and often he says something like that back to them.  I have also told him though that when kids say stuff like that it means they don't want to play with him today, rather than they don't like him.  I figure that helps for him not to take it personally.

If the teachers see him alone, they will ask him if he is okay on his own or would like someone to play with.  They will happily match him up with someone else.  He certainly knows a lot if people in the playground now!  He does most of the initiating by himself, and the school has stuff like library and walking clubs at lunchtime he can do and be with others.  And the class teacher obviously work on any personal and group issues in the classroom.  As we try to at home too, sigh!

I would chat to the teacher too, and be surprised if he/she had not noticed.

#8 PoshMosh

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:29 PM

Why can't she play with some of the other kids in her class? The 4 girls don't sound too pleasant anyway so why speak to the teacher? You can't manipulate every situation in your child's life, so let her make some new friends.

She might be the ring leader in the new circle of friends  wink.gif

#9 Soontobegran

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:54 PM

This is an age old dynamic.
It happened in every class of every year that my children (particularly the girls) were at primary school. It was usually more of a problem in the beginning of the year.
There is almost always a 'ringleader', this is not supposed to be a derogatory remark but it is the little girl who like to hold court, she likes to organise her little team around her and it is usually at the detriment of the other girls who often find that their friendships must be run by the 'ringleader' who has to approve or disprove of who may enter their little circle.

There is invariably at least one child who will be excluded for no other reason than the boss lady doesn't want to include her, often it seemed that she actually felt threatened by her and that she may lose the control she enjoys by allowing another to infiltrate.

As a parent I think we do need to step back a little even when out hearts break for our children but
I think enlisting the help of the teacher is a good idea, she may even suggest some children from the older grade who may like a play date. What your little girl doesn't want to do is to push it with this group. The other girls will eventually catch on and start to branch out and your she will find some friends who are all on a level playing field.

Good luck with this.


#10 ~sydblue~

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:54 PM

We were on the other side of the problem to you OP. I got a call from DD's teacher last year telling me she had been telling the other kids she played with, that they couldn't play with one particular boy. So I had a quiet chat and it turned out to be partially my fault  ph34r.gif .
She had told me weeks before that one particular boy had been annoying her and taking her things and when in the playground, he would throw things at her and be mean. So I told her not to play with him at all and to stay away from him.
I told her it was okay to let him play with her when there was a group of them, and that was all that was needed in our case.

#11 Hop1

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:45 PM

Thanks everyone.

She,was,good friends with two of the girls in kindy then last year they were separated for first class and now back together for second class my daughter wants to reconnect with them.  Ive talked to her about just joining in not asking first.  I'm pretty sure her teacher knows as I spoke to last yesrs teacher about it the other day and she was going to speak to her about it. I think i'll have to be proactive with play dates. She has other friends to play with at lunch time but they spend longer in the class room and when there is a bad vibe between the girls it makes it very difficult for my dd. Being a composite class she cant sit with any other girls. I've also talked to dd about giving it time for the frienships to develep. Might have to speak direct to her teacher myself.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Video: 10-week-old baby sounds like she says 'I love you'

It’s mixed in amongst garbled baby talk, but this 10-week-old's apparent attempt at telling her parents that she loves them has made her an internet star.

I only enjoyed pregnancy after booking my caesarean

To say I became obsessed is something of an understatement. Everywhere I went I found cause to be reminded of my impending pain.

When your bundle doesn't bring immediate joy

One mum says joy is very a personal feeling and expecting all new mums to feel it in the months after their baby born may do more harm than good.

Lessons learned from my toddler

Blogger Kiran Chug explains why she is going to let her toddler make more decisions for himself.

Family welcomes first baby girl in more than 100 years

The Silverton family has heard the phrase "it's a girl" for the first time in four generations.

When a community of kindness steps in

In future when someone I care for, or even someone I barely know, is experiencing a difficult time, I will not overthink it. I'll follow my heart.

Mum in Business: Jac Bowie

Jac Bowie is the founder of Business in Heels, one of the fastest growing women’s networking events in Australia. She shares her story, including how she juggles work with a young family, and ways to work smarter.

What not to say to a mum of twins

Being a mum of identical twin boys stirs up great interest and fascination. It also opens itself up to nosy, invasive questions, as well as huge assumptions.

The mums suing over unplanned babies

A mother-of-five who calls her two youngest sons "miracle babies" is just one of many mums seeking financial compensation for their children's unplanned conceptions.

Video: Dad sings 'Hallelujah' to his daughter every year

It's a gorgeous song to begin with, but this dad's version of Hallelujah, sung for his young daughter, is especially touching.

Constipation in babies when starting solids

While starting solids can be frustrating and messy (yet also fun!), introducing solids can also play havoc on tiny digestive systems.

Parents reunited with baby snatched from hospital

A mother whose newborn baby was snatched from hospital has spoken of her joy and relief at getting her daughter back.

In defence of the bumpie

Are bumpies - bump selfies - really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind"?

Life on the other side of the fence: Why I'm child-free and quite content

Acknowledging that motherhood isn't a bed of roses – to begrudge lack of time, sleep, money and spontaneity – is sacrilegious and a no-no, especially by mother superior-types.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher

Fill out this quick survey and tell us in 25 words or less your best pregnancy or parenting tip - you'll go in the draw to win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

In defence of the bumpie

Are bumpies really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind", as one writer has claimed?

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

My Wellbeing

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.