Jump to content

No you cant play with us


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Hop1

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:38 PM

My DD is having some issues as school and I'm at a loss to what to do.  Can anyone offer some suggestions please.

She's been put into a composite class with 4 other girls in her year.  These 4 other girls were all in the same class last year and have obviously become quite close.  There is one girl in particular that is very outspoken and seems to be the voice for all of them.  If my DD asks to play with them she always says NO you cant play with us  go away etc etc. She doesn't let the other girls speak for themselves.  Even though they all sit at the same desk they leave her out of classroom discussions and pair up with each other.  They haven't as yet called her names but they ignore her and leave her out of everything both in the classroom and playground.

What do you tell your kids to do if other kids say they dont want to play?


#2 lizzzard

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:47 PM

It sounds like a quiet chat to the teacher might not go astray. Perhaps s/he can get the kids to do some group activities in pairs that are pre-selected, as opposed to letting them choose their own groups, which might hopefully break down the cliques a little?

#3 NunSoFeral

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:51 PM

I'd drop a quiet word in teachers ear.
Another strategy might be to invite one or two of the other girls over for a play date.
And make it a play date to remember!

I read somewhere about one mother inviting the "ringleader" over for a play date or outing, to get her on side so to speak. That migth be a brave option.



#4 Frockme

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:54 PM

Tell her to stop asking if she can play with them. It gives them n opportunity to say no.
Just play with them, if she wants.

Does your dd want a friendship with any of them?

If so then maybe have a play over with on of the nicer ones.

I think the teacher needs to be informed about what's going on. I'd be surprised if she didn't already know though. Think of strategies together to help include your dd. eg teacher says we're doing a task today, I'll be putting you in pairs today.... Etc etc.

Poor girl!

#5 KT1978

Posted 07 February 2013 - 05:59 PM

How old is she?

My dd is 10 and has similar issues.

I'd go see the teacher first. Play dates etc are also a good idea but even ask girls outside that group so she isn't with those girls all the time.

#6 Lazycow

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:08 PM

Having recently just been through this exact same thing with my 8 yr old, I definitely agree with having a quiet word with the teacher. My DDs teacher was shocked when I told him what had been going on as he hadn't noticed anything. The following day he did a class talk about bullying and how it was unacceptable and if anyone was found to be bullying then they would be punished accordingly and the matter referred to the principal.

It seemed to do the trick and DD said that the girls let her play with them, she even had a couple of them over for play dates over the holidays. It turned out that the girls were scared of the ringleader and she had told them they weren't allowed to play with DD.

And if you feel that the teacher isn't dealing with it go straight to the principal.

I really feel for you and hope things get sorted soon bbighug.gif

#7 Spa Gonk

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:11 PM

I am a bit on the other side of the coin, in terms of my child can be the bossy one that the other kids sometimes don't want to play with.  I have just told him that we are nice to everyone etc and often he says something like that back to them.  I have also told him though that when kids say stuff like that it means they don't want to play with him today, rather than they don't like him.  I figure that helps for him not to take it personally.

If the teachers see him alone, they will ask him if he is okay on his own or would like someone to play with.  They will happily match him up with someone else.  He certainly knows a lot if people in the playground now!  He does most of the initiating by himself, and the school has stuff like library and walking clubs at lunchtime he can do and be with others.  And the class teacher obviously work on any personal and group issues in the classroom.  As we try to at home too, sigh!

I would chat to the teacher too, and be surprised if he/she had not noticed.

#8 Peppermint Crush

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:29 PM

Why can't she play with some of the other kids in her class? The 4 girls don't sound too pleasant anyway so why speak to the teacher? You can't manipulate every situation in your child's life, so let her make some new friends.

She might be the ring leader in the new circle of friends  wink.gif

#9 Soontobegran

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:54 PM

This is an age old dynamic.
It happened in every class of every year that my children (particularly the girls) were at primary school. It was usually more of a problem in the beginning of the year.
There is almost always a 'ringleader', this is not supposed to be a derogatory remark but it is the little girl who like to hold court, she likes to organise her little team around her and it is usually at the detriment of the other girls who often find that their friendships must be run by the 'ringleader' who has to approve or disprove of who may enter their little circle.

There is invariably at least one child who will be excluded for no other reason than the boss lady doesn't want to include her, often it seemed that she actually felt threatened by her and that she may lose the control she enjoys by allowing another to infiltrate.

As a parent I think we do need to step back a little even when out hearts break for our children but
I think enlisting the help of the teacher is a good idea, she may even suggest some children from the older grade who may like a play date. What your little girl doesn't want to do is to push it with this group. The other girls will eventually catch on and start to branch out and your she will find some friends who are all on a level playing field.

Good luck with this.


#10 ~sydblue~

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:54 PM

We were on the other side of the problem to you OP. I got a call from DD's teacher last year telling me she had been telling the other kids she played with, that they couldn't play with one particular boy. So I had a quiet chat and it turned out to be partially my fault  ph34r.gif .
She had told me weeks before that one particular boy had been annoying her and taking her things and when in the playground, he would throw things at her and be mean. So I told her not to play with him at all and to stay away from him.
I told her it was okay to let him play with her when there was a group of them, and that was all that was needed in our case.

#11 Hop1

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:45 PM

Thanks everyone.

She,was,good friends with two of the girls in kindy then last year they were separated for first class and now back together for second class my daughter wants to reconnect with them.  Ive talked to her about just joining in not asking first.  I'm pretty sure her teacher knows as I spoke to last yesrs teacher about it the other day and she was going to speak to her about it. I think i'll have to be proactive with play dates. She has other friends to play with at lunch time but they spend longer in the class room and when there is a bad vibe between the girls it makes it very difficult for my dd. Being a composite class she cant sit with any other girls. I've also talked to dd about giving it time for the frienships to develep. Might have to speak direct to her teacher myself.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.