Really scared about this pregnancy
Is this normal?
, Feb 07 2013 09:19 AM
13 replies to this topic
Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:19 AM
I'm nearly 8 weeks pregnant. Just before Christmas I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. I'm so scared I'm going to lose this one and worried that at my 12 week scan they will tell me there's no baby. Has anyone else felt like this? I wish I could be more excited like I was with my first baby who is now 18 months.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:24 AM
Very normal unfortunately. Once you've had a miscarriage the innocence about pregnancy is gone. All you can do is hope...
Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:35 AM
I was the same, though could go through times where I was fine and just thought if it happens there's nothing I can do about it, which did help sometimes. The 2 appointments where they checked the heartbeat with Doppler before my 20 week scan I was waiting for them to tell me the baby was gone, same at the 20 week scan, was waiting to be told no baby. It's just the last couple of weeks that I've relaxed a little and am actually enjoying being pregnant.
I hope everything goes well for this pregnancy for you and you can hit that point soon of being excited about it.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 10:19 AM
Definitely. There are plenty of us here who have miscarried before and/or have had scary episodes happen in this pregnancy to feel 'on edge'. I have lost two before this one, and at 14 weeks I had a small bleed and have been anxious ever since. I kept thinking that once I got to 20 weeks I would relax and start enjoying the pregnancy... then 24, then 28...
I'm only starting to relax now. Trust me, I've bombarded this forum with my stupid questions, anxieties and stresses. Everyone kept saying that once you feel movements you should relax... but the movements stressed me more because she didn't seem to be moving as much as others at the same gestation. I would also get conflicting information about how much she should be moving at that stage. Plus on top of that I've had other stress other than the baby to worry about such as work, a loss in the family and issues with DH.
The good news is the vast majority of people go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies. You are likely to be one of them. Miscarriage happens to a lot of us and whilst we don't know why (and we often feel like blaming ourselves for things we have done) they do happen to so many of us but that's no reason why there's anything wrong with our pregnancies now.
Good luck and congratulations!!!
P.S. I've been told that it's perfectly normal to be worried about your baby, you're just being a Mum!
Posted 07 February 2013 - 01:37 PM
I had 3 consecutive miscarriages before this pregnancy. On the night I found out I was pregnant I even said to DH "We'll only lose this one too". I really struggled through my first trimester and didn't really let myself get excited until I saw a perfect baby on my NT scan at 13 weeks.
I'm now 19 weeks and still have my moments. My baby has just had 2 quiet days (I felt nothing), yet the previous 2 days he was really active. By this morning I was starting to panic again, but then after 2 days of quiet he gave me a few good thumps this morning. I have to remind myself he's still small enough to change position a lot which is why he could have been "quiet".
The innocence of pregnancy is most definitely gone. Good luck OP. Really hoping for you that all is great this time
Posted 07 February 2013 - 11:49 PM
OP, I could have written your post. After a previous m/c and then virtually continuous bleeding in this pregnancy from 6.5wks up until about 24wks, it's been an anxious time to say the least.. I've thought I've lost this bub about 3 times so far due to moderate-heavy bleeds. I get worried if bub has quiet days and nearly went to ED a few days ago. But my little man seems to be fine in there - he is healthy and the bleeding has stopped. Had none of this with DD.
I try to take it a day at the time and felt more relieved when I got to 24wks as babies just start to become viable outside the uterus at that point, apparently. So like some PPs I've only recently started to relax and enjoy this pg. I don't think those who haven't lost a bub previously fully understand what it's like in a subsequent pg. The innocence (and joy to a certain extent) are definitely lost. I hope you get a scan soon to reassure you a little - regular scans were a lifesaver for my headspace from 7-13wks pg.
Some previous advice on these forums which has helped me has been:
Take it a day at a time, or an hour at time if you need to on some days;
Be gentle on yourself, cut out things that trigger stress wherever you can (make up your own reasons!);
Do regular things for yourself to help you relax - bath, gentle walk, a special meal, etc. (the Circle and Bloom CDs/downloads have worked for me);
Know that you're doing the best you can to nurture your little bub and the rest really is out of your hands
You're definitely not alone in feeling scared! Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy OP
Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:29 AM
I'm finding it very difficult to enjoy this pregnancy due to miscarriage last year at 8 weeks. I am scrutinising all my symptoms and feeling very depressed when I don't feel any for awhile. I just can't wait to be far enough along so I can feel it moving so I know it's ok.
Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:56 AM
I haven't suffered a miscarriage it is suspected I had a chemical pregnancy in Jan last year but we will never know. However my issues mean that getting pregnant is hard, that staying pregnant is hard and carrying to term could be hard. I have been scared this whole pregnancy that something would go wrong because when your dr's are ready to send you to the IVF place very quickly and you know your chances are low, when you get pregnant without their help you start to think "ok when will it go wrong" (well I have been anyway)
Posted 08 February 2013 - 12:03 PM
Edited by MrsLexiK, 08 February 2013 - 12:03 PM.
Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:24 PM
Thank you lovely ladies for all your replies. I'm so sorry you have experienced losses too
. I guess we just have to take one day at a time. Take care all of you
Posted 13 February 2013 - 02:07 PM
It's not easy. I lost my first pregnancy in a very very bad way. My second I actually thought would be OK and that the first one was just a one off, until I lost that one as well. I went on to have losses before actually having my son and I was extremely paranoid with his pregnancy.
All you can do is just.... Carry on. There is no point in anyone saying "Just relax" and "try not to worry" because these are things you do involuntarily for the most part. I hope you are able to have an early scan and see a little flickering heartbeat soon and feel more at ease with your pregnancy.
Posted 13 February 2013 - 02:49 PM
Yep I felt the same after 2 miscarriages. With this pregnancy, I was really worried until the 12 week scan and when that came back okay it really eased my mind. I hope your next scan helps to ease your worries too
Posted 13 February 2013 - 05:11 PM
Yes, I can definately understand your anxiety and stress.
I'm just taking it one day at a time at the moment ... that's all I can do for now.
I like to read as many positive affirmations as I can and my two favourites are "Bad things dont always happen" and "Everything is fine until it officially isn't"
hugs to you x
Posted 14 February 2013 - 02:53 PM
I had two prior losses and a long infertility journey before this bfp. I still panic and worry and can't quite believe I'm pregnant, despite the little party going on in my protruding tum. The earlier heartache has really impacted on my confidence. I would definitely say what you are feeling is entirely normal!!
Each step along the way was a huge milestone for me, my 8 week viability scan, the 12 week scan, and succumbing to horrendous morning sickness was also reassuring. I calmed down a little bit once I began to feel bub move, but I still count down the days to the next milestone, and to each ultrasound visit. These days I count the days she stays in there, as I take comfort in knowing that each day in the oven means a better chance of survival should she come early. Morbid, but I think it's not unreasonable when you have had prior loss.
I don't have a lot of advice for you except to look forward, look at all the dates on your calendar and allow yourself a smile each time you get to one of them. If you find your anxiety and worry starts to overtake you, go and have a chat to a counsellor. I ended up having a meltdown in my first 12 weeks when family would acknowledge the baby - I would even pretend it wasn't happening, because in the depths of my worry I managed to convince myself that acknowledging and being excited about the baby would have a direct tragic consequence and I would miscarry. The logical side of me knew that was irrational but I couldn't shake it, so I finally went off to see the shrink which was enormously beneficial!
Hang in there, you will feel better eventually, and take each day a step at a time. Oh, and congrats!!! Please feel free to get in touch if you want to.
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