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Selling an unused gift. WDYT?


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#1 KylieferalMin0gue

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:28 AM

About 3 years ago MIL bought my children a sand pit.  It is one of the wooden ones with the roof.  (Was bought as a Christmas present, and she told me she got it on special for $80)

Anyway my kids used it for about 6 months, and then have showed no interest in it since, so it has just been sat in the corner of my garden doing nothing.  We are moving in about a month and I told DP that I am going to go through the house and sell on ebay all the things that are no longer used.  He asked if that included the sand pit, and I said yes.  He then proceded to tell me that I was not allowed to sell it as his mother would get very angry, and that she had said a couple of weeks ago that if my kids were not using it could she have it for her house for her other grandkids to play with.  For the record she also bought the other grandkids the same sand pit when she bought my grand kids theirs, and they destroyed theres within a matter of months.  I have also in the past given MIL things when she realised that I was going to sell them(eg I once gave her a dvd player that we no longer used) and then found out later that she had immediately given them to her other son has his family.  (Who BTW certainly aren't that short of money that they cannot afford a dvd player)

I told DP that if I wanted to sell the sand pit then I should be able to, and he said that I should give it back to her.  DP has always let his mother walk all over him.  She babysits her other sons kids on a regular basis, and has not once offered to babysit mine.

So WWYD?  We could really use the extra cash, even if it is just $20, but DP basically had a full on go at me and told me I had no right to sell it and that his mother would say the same.

Thanks

Edited by KylieMin0gue, 07 February 2013 - 07:29 AM.


#2 Feral Farmgal

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:39 AM

For the stress that it is likely to cause you and DH I would not bother selling it. For only $20 it is probably not worth it. I would just give it to MIL and forget about it.

I do understand your annoyance with her giving things away, but in this case as she gave it to your kids in the first place I would just forget about it.

And or the record I sell anything that is not tied down on ebay!

Edited by farmgal, 07 February 2013 - 07:45 AM.


#3 B-B-M

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:40 AM

I don't see any issue in selling it. I mean isn't it better to have the money and put it towards something needed than have a sandpit in the yard that is just taking up space?

But - i mean if its going to cause such a big issue with DP then i wouldn't bother. $20 isn't worth the arguments really.

FTR i will give away or sell my kids  toys when they no longer use them. I don't have the space to keep things. Any money gets put into bank accounts/used if i really need it. Family member know, i've mentioned it before. They don't care, they certainly don't want "presents" back!

#4 Lady Lovely Locks

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:44 AM

I would ordinarily say just sell it, but seeing as she has requested it be returned, I would save the headache and just give it back.... not work straining any relationship over $20.

#5 Peppery

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:47 AM

To prevent family fall out I would give the sand pit to your MIL

I have previously sold items I have received for DD after she is finished playing with them. Given these we from from parents and brother whom I am very close to but they have never been upset that I have sold them.

#6 elmo_mum

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:51 AM

i would

mil has bought quiet a few things for us, and shes happy for us to sell em if we no longer use em

#7 spellfall

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:51 AM

Usually I would just sell it but I think in this case that will cause more hassle than its monetary value.

#8 belsy

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:53 AM

For me, I would always give it away to family first (if wanted) rather than sell it.

IMO, give it to the grandmother instead of having a battle of wills with your husband, doesn't seem worth it.

#9 Mrs Manager

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:53 AM

Given the fact that she has told you she wants it back if you aren't using it, I think it would be wrong to sell it

#10 ~sydblue~

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:55 AM

QUOTE (kate789 @ 07/02/2013, 08:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Given the fact that she has told you she wants it back if you aren't using it, I think it would be wrong to sell it

But it is not the MIL's anymore. It was given as a gift. So the OP should be able to sell it and buy the kids something else they will use. When a gift is given, the giver has no say any more.

#11 Mrs Manager

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:57 AM

QUOTE
But it is not the MIL's anymore. It was given as a gift. So the OP should be able to sell it and buy the kids something else they will use. When a gift is given, the giver has no say any more.


I agree sydblue and probably didn't word my reply very well.  The OP is well within her rights to sell it, but I think it would be the wrong decision for family relationships if she were to do so

#12 Therese

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:58 AM

I wouldn't sell it as the fallout from selling it wouldn't be worth it to  me.

#13 71Cath

Posted 07 February 2013 - 08:00 AM

QUOTE (Therese @ 07/02/2013, 08:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't sell it as the fallout from selling it wouldn't be worth it to  me.

Exactly


#14 JustBeige

Posted 07 February 2013 - 08:02 AM

Its only $20 and honestly once the ebay fees come out its even less.   If it was $200, then that would make me argue with DH a bit more.  I think this a "pickyour battles" moment.

I would just give it back to her and wipe my hands of it tbh.    I would then make a mental note to never give stuff to her that I dont want trashed / given to BIL and anything she gives to my kids would be a 'loan' not a gift.

I think you are letting the other issues that she causes in your relationship interfer with common sense in this one.


btw, DH would be doing ALL the organising in regards getting it back to his mums.

Edited by JustBeige, 07 February 2013 - 08:09 AM.


#15 MrsLexiK

Posted 07 February 2013 - 08:21 AM

I probably ask my family if they wanted it first anyway before I tried to sell it.  But then I hate putting things on eBay or gumtree it is such a PITA especially for $20.

#16 Soontobegran

Posted 07 February 2013 - 08:46 AM

If I thought that mine or other children would get enjoyment out of it being at MIL's house then it would definitely go there.

I know it is in theory yours to dispose of at your will but sometimes other factors come into play and I think this is one of those times.



#17 Julie3Girls

Posted 07 February 2013 - 08:50 AM

Given the small amount you would probably get for it, I'd simply give it back to your MIL. It's a large object, your MIL would probably notice it gone, and sounds like it would get used by the grandkids. Just wouldn't be worth the grief of selling it and dealing with an upset MIL and DH.

Other things .. I'd make sure it wasn't mentioned when I was getting rid of stuff. Eg, something like the DVD player ... don't even mention it, just go ahead and sell it. Don't offer it. Simple really.

#18 Phascogale

Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:10 AM

Can you leave it with the house when you move - mainly to avoid having to move it?

Although with the bigger picture it's probably better for family relations to give to to your mother in law if it's only going to get you $20.

However because your MIL is the way she is and how this has come about, I'd actually be tempted to keep the sandpit just to spite her.  And who knows, your kids may decide that they do want to play in it.

So just take it with you to the new house (because either way your husband is going to have to move it) and if your MIL comments on it, just reiterate that she gave it to your kids and they may use it in the future.  It's not your problem that her other grandkids have trashed theirs and are likely to do the same with this one.

QUOTE
Other things .. I'd make sure it wasn't mentioned when I was getting rid of stuff. Eg, something like the DVD player ... don't even mention it, just go ahead and sell it. Don't offer it. Simple really.
I agree with this.

#19 KylieferalMin0gue

Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:31 AM

QUOTE (Phascogale @ 07/02/2013, 09:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can you leave it with the house when you move - mainly to avoid having to move it?

Although with the bigger picture it's probably better for family relations to give to to your mother in law if it's only going to get you $20.

However because your MIL is the way she is and how this has come about, I'd actually be tempted to keep the sandpit just to spite her.  And who knows, your kids may decide that they do want to play in it.

So just take it with you to the new house (because either way your husband is going to have to move it) and if your MIL comments on it, just reiterate that she gave it to your kids and they may use it in the future.  It's not your problem that her other grandkids have trashed theirs and are likely to do the same with this one.

I agree with this.


I was just thinking before that I might do this.  I will move it to the new place, and the kids may take interest in it again one day down the track.  MIL will continually comment until sand is put in there so I will have to set it up to make sure it appears that the kids are using it.  But I would much rather do that than give it back to her.

#20 Mini_feral

Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:38 AM

QUOTE (KylieMin0gue @ 07/02/2013, 10:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was just thinking before that I might do this.  I will move it to the new place, and the kids may take interest in it again one day down the track.  MIL will continually comment until sand is put in there so I will have to set it up to make sure it appears that the kids are using it.  But I would much rather do that than give it back to her.


Seriously? You really don't like her do you? So it's not about the twenty dollars you could get if you sold it, it's about getting one over on the MIL.

#21 dolcengabbana

Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:41 AM

If its going to upset your MIL and your DH just give it back to her. Life is too short to knowingly cause further angst in life.

#22 Moffetta

Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:45 AM

So you will take it to your new house and pretend that the kids are using it just to spite your mil?

#23 Genabee

Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:50 AM

You've done well to have it this long!

I go through DD's toys and clothes every 6 months (if not sooner) and if she hasn't used it in that time frame, it goes.

Everyone who gives her anything knows that is how we operate. Apart from the fact that we don't have the room to keep everything, I also think she learns a lesson in it - not everyone is as fortunate as she is to have such luxury items.

I say sell it. And tell your DH to pull his head in. It was given as a gift - not on loan or with conditions. It is not up to your MIL to decide what to do with it.

#24 Oriental lily

Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:56 AM

I would give it back to her.
Support your DH gor sure.

#25 Ally'smum

Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:57 AM

I am all for getting one up on the MIL but it probably depends on the whole dynamics of the family.

I would give things away to anyone in my family before I sold them, but I would never consider giving the in-laws anything.

The other option is giving it to a friend with kids who might use it, that way it gets used and you didn't 'profit' from her gift.

How did your DH feel about the dvd giveaway?




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