Jump to content

Son not wanting to go on holiday
7 day cruise, and a flight involved


  • Please log in to reply
17 replies to this topic

#1 L.A.M

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:00 PM

So I am taking my son on a cruise, which he chose last year (about April we booked) from the choice to go to Queensland ..theme parks etc...or a cruise.


Now we leave tomorrow...fly to Sydney from Melb. He has been going balistic in and out for last two weeks saying he doesn't want to go. Crying, and tantrums, and more crying, saying he isn't going I can't make him....


He is 11, 12 in May. He went on a cruise when he was 4 (only time), and has flown numerous times, but last time would have been almost 4 yrs ago now.
He said he didn't choose this (I clarified numerous times) and I should take someone else. Well I would have swapped for someone else had I known that 2 weeks out he was going to carry on like this, but to late.

All up, flights etc, its cost me $800, and spending money to come.

Do I make him go or cut my lossess and go on my own, which isn't alone as we were going with a group...16 plus us two all up, some kids in there too.

He is a really social kid, so the kids club on the boat he'd love, but he keeps saying he wont like it, I say he will once he is there (explain all the safety aspects of planes, boats etc) and he says I can not guarentee he will..sigh!

WDYT?

Make him go (if I can physically get him to go, kicking and screaming no doubt) or not??

#2 DonnaNobelHasBeenS

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:03 PM

Can you sit him down and ask wat exactly is stressing him about going!

#3 Funwith3

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:05 PM

Yeah agree with PP...there has to be a reason he's carrying on like this. Get to the core of the problem and sort that out.

I think if I was in your situation I would do my best to make him go. He will almost 100% love it when it's all underway.

#4 strawberry blondes

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:05 PM

Tough one because im not you nor do i know your parenting style. If it were one of mine i would tell them they were acting like an ungrateful brat and to suck it up.

#5 LambChop

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:31 PM

"Crying, and tantrums, and more crying, saying he isn't going I can't make him...."  Does he suffer from anxiety or anything ?

Just, I wouldn't tolerate this behaviour from my 11 year old with special needs (including anxiety), I'd be shutting it down with a consistent "You are going" and warnings of consequences for poor behaviour (then actual consequences if he persisted).

How dare he ruin your holiday by choosing to behave like this....

#6 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:37 PM

Is he worried about sharing a room with you/others for some reason (puberty?).

Have you showed him the ship on the Internet?  

Is there another parent in the group he is close to that could talk to him?

#7 RealityBites

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:39 PM

Is there an adult in the group going that he is afraid of?

#8 Harmonica

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:43 PM

I would be getting to the bottom of it, that is very unusual behaviour for a child about to turn 12.

#9 libbylu

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:44 PM

There must be some underlying reason.....
- fear of being on a boat out to sea
- an uncomfortable recent (since last April?) experience with one of the adults or children in your traveling party - any chance of an abusive adult or bullying child being amongst them that he feels he cant' talk about?
-It sounds pretty odd to me, I would be trying to get to the bottom of it.
Something like 'if you can tell me the real reason why you are worried about going, then we can reassess, but at the moment all I can see is that you are acting like a spoilt brat, and I am not going to waste the ticket so you have to come".

Edited by libbylu, 06 February 2013 - 07:45 PM.


#10 L.A.M

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:52 PM

I have sat down with him and listened to his concerns, several times trying to calm him etc.

He says he is affraid to fly, and affraid to go on the boat...that is all he has articulated. Also that he will miss his family, brother, sister and grandma, mainly grandma probably....(there is a reason the other 2 kids aren't coming...long story, but they are going on another holiday so not missing out all up).

He was talking to one of my friends yesterday who is coming with her girls, though her kids are 16+, about the cruise as she knew I was having issues with him re coming.

All that are coming are females, bar one 5yo boy. He has no issues with any of them.


I have shown him the boat, I have shown him stats on flying.


He is a pretty senstive boy in general.

My daughter 13, last year diagnosed with High Functioning Autism has had some super meltdowns and the likes over the last 2 yrs...and sometimes boundaries have been shifted for her...which I have spoken to DS about. He has probably started to take a feather from her cap re this to a degree.

At the end of the day I am stuffed, really need a break, a rest. I would love nothing more than to spend time with my boy, my middle child, who due to my daughters issues over last 2 yrs especially, has kind of gone without a whole lot of attention...not nil, but she has been my focuses, the need for numerous medical appoinments, assessments....time consuming as a single, FT working mum to 3.

Edited by L.A.M, 06 February 2013 - 07:54 PM.


#11 FeralandStompy

Posted 06 February 2013 - 07:53 PM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 06/02/2013, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is he worried about sharing a room with you/others for some reason (puberty?).

Have you showed him the ship on the Internet?  

Is there another parent in the group he is close to that could talk to him?


Like some other PP I think there is something making him fearful. Look, it could be another adult thst's going, or one of the kids if he's had an argument with them or something. Or maybe he's started having wet dreams etc and is worried about being embarrassed if you're sharing a room with him?  

I only have a 2 year old so can't comment for sure on how I'd parent them in the same circumstances, but at this stage I'd likely be doing a combination of somehow trying to calmly find out what the issue is (not sure how, maybe another trusted adult friend or a teacher or school counsellor?), but making it fairly clear in a pragmatic way that you and he are going.

Good luck and I hope he does start to really enjoy it once you're on the holiday.






#12 Carabosse

Posted 06 February 2013 - 08:52 PM

It sound more like fear or developing phobia than a tantrum sad.gif

This may sound crazy but he hasn't watched Life of Pi or something with dramatic ship sinking scenes or air travel scenes between when you booked and now has he?

My eldest DD has a couple of unusual fears that are close to being full blown phobias. It's hard to rationalise when they are panicked. It can be quite a physical reaction when my DD sees the thing she is fearful of even though she can rationalise that there is no real reason to be scared of it. It can be quite exasperating from the outside looking in.

Good luck OP sounds tough. I hope once your trip is underway his fear alleviates and you can both enjoy your holiday.

Edited by Carabosse, 06 February 2013 - 08:53 PM.


#13 Tarantara

Posted 06 February 2013 - 09:06 PM

I'm sorry that you're going tomorrow. It might be nicer to have a couple of days up your sleeve so you could visit your doctor with him just to have a discussion.

I have heaps of anxiety and some phobias, and I have a fear of flying which comes and goes.

Its been gone for a while now, but I would work myself up so much before a work trip that I couldn't sleep, and I would fixate on ways to cancel the trip / meeting without anybody getting annoyed.

For me, my fear of flying came down more to my social phobia - I don't cope well with having to sit right next to a person. I spent one Brisbane to Melbourne flight sobbing into the window, my entire body shoved into it, it was quite absurd and I don't want to know what the poor people next to me were thinking...

The thing that snapped me out of it was one day I was sitting there freaking out, and I realised that a very dear colleage was, at that very minute, on an operating table having a cancer removed, and that she was then facing a gruelling treatment.

I rationalised with myself that I would much rather be having a lovely plane ride than be on an operating table, and I somehow got over the whole thing.

I still have the crippling social phobia but it doesn't manifest in a fear of flying any more.

Anyway, the point of my long and boring anecdote is that your son might be having quite a complicated anxious or phobic response to flying which he hasn't even figured out for himself, let alone been able to articulate to you.

Its not like he can have a nice calming glass of wine sad.gif He is letting his fear of the travel overtake his ability to see enjoyment in the holiday, so I doubt that any amount of trying to get him to see the benefits is going to help.

Instead, I would try to play a bit on his conscience, and tell him that most children would be happy to have such an opportunity, many don't get it, and then help him find some ways of coping with his distress. You might want to try getting him a guided meditation or relaxation track to listen to and focus on, or buy him a game or book that he can focus on. Let him know that its OK to have the scary feelings, and that you want to help him find ways to cope with them.

I might be totally off, but that's what I'd try. I really hope that he can find a way through his fear to go on holiday with you.

#14 brazen

Posted 07 February 2013 - 12:36 AM

sounds like what we went through with ryan before fiji last year - he has autism and anxiety. there's nothing you can do but keep reassuring, stay calm but firm.

ps: we are all keen to try a cruise next but ryan totally loses it over the idea. not sure if we'll push it or not. he has even said he'd rather stay home with his grandparents than go!

sounds like what we went through with ryan before fiji last year - he has autism and anxiety. there's nothing you can do but keep reassuring, stay calm but firm.

ps: we are all keen to try a cruise next but ryan totally loses it over the idea. not sure if we'll push it or not. he has even said he'd rather stay home with his grandparents than go!

#15 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:29 AM

Cruises scare the beejeesus out of me too, so I can sympathize with your son.  I'm not a good swimmer and the thought of being stranded in the middle of the ocean if the ship sinks scares me senseless. I feel panicky just thinking about it and I'm not going on a cruise!

Poor DH has always wanted to do a luxury cruise. There's just no way I ever will. sad.gif

No suggestions from me, just sympathy for both you and your son.

#16 ~sydblue~

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:44 AM

I would still make him go. Tell him if he doesn't like it then he never has to go again.

#17 Shellby

Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:54 AM

When we first told our 10yo we were going on a cruise he went into melt down as he was scared that the boat would sink. He does suffer from anxiety. Like your son he wouldn't believe 100% it won't sink because well ships have.

What we did was show him the life boats onboard and explained what happens if the boat was to sink. We explained that it takes over an hour to actually sink and be a issue - would you be able to get to a life boat in that time when it only takes 5 minutes to run from one end to another? (I didn't mention that in a panic its not that easy, otherwise that would have been the end of it.) I showed him the inside on the internet and how safe you are and that they use the life boats to actually tender you to shore when your docked so they must be safe. How another boat would be contacted and pick us up and that even if a boat sinks your very safe. This calmed him down and he then got happy about it.

Turned out he had seen Titania ads from last year (about July) and that was all he could picture in his head happening. I also explained that a ice berg was what caused it to sink and are there any ice bergs at the Great Barrier Reef? He didn't know, so again we went online and he was then happy to read that no there are not any ice bergs.

So maybe instead of telling him his fear is really not founded, explain to him even if his fear happens how safe it still is.


#18 Holidayromp

Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:02 AM

You will probably be on your way but I would just leave him behind.  You would have got care for the other two just leave him back.  You need a holiday and you don't need to deal with that.  He will soon learn that he cannot get things his way.

Next time I would not let a child choose my holiday.  I find that if get the kids to choose what they want to do just before it happens they don't want to do it yada yada.  It is a waste of time.

Chances are he is regretting his choice and kicking up a stink about it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.