Jump to content

I would like to consider a homebirth but husband doesn't


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 Penguin78

Posted 06 February 2013 - 05:34 PM

Hiya,

I just found out I am pregnant with my second child. First birth was an amazing experience through my local Birth Centre. I am booked in their again and would love to try a homebirth.

The sticking point is that my husband is not keen. Anyone else been in a similar position and managed to convince your partner?

I don't want to trick him or force him into a situation he is not comfortable with as he was an excellent support in the first birth and I don't want to take away his confidence.

Suggestions?

#2 Cherish

Posted 06 February 2013 - 05:55 PM

Do you know why he's not keen? That would be a good starting point.
Is it the cost?
Is he afraid something will go wrong?

Many people just assume you birth in a hospital these days original.gif

#3 Penguin78

Posted 06 February 2013 - 06:52 PM

It is cause he is afraid something will go wrong. Even though my hospitals program has a special arrangement with the ambulance service, specially trained midwives etc.

Maybe I should get the midwife to explain all this to him matter of factly so he can hear from her about how safe it is.

#4 Jenferal

Posted 06 February 2013 - 08:07 PM

But is it as safe as a hospital birth? I'm thinking he thinks it isn't and it does depend on how far you are from a hospital.
Things can go wrong very quickly in birth and the time you wait for an ambulance and transport to a hospital and treatment may be enough time for things to go horribly wrong, which I'm assuming is his thinking as well.

Maybe the birth centre could be a nice compromise if you had a good experience last time.
I know you're the one giving birth, but he's the one who has to WATCH it all and be powerless to help if things go wrong.


#5 ekbaby

Posted 06 February 2013 - 09:33 PM

Get him to meet with the midwives and discuss his concerns.

My DP was nervous about having a homebirth (but always said it was my decision) however after meeting our midwife immediately felt much more comfortable- seeing how professional she was, having questions answered. You can talk about the resus equipment they bring, etc

Also I would ask him specifically what are his areas of concern-
in terms of "things quickly going horribly wrong", most of the time it's actually not like that. There are warning signs and things that might lead you to transfer, like a prolonged labour (the most common reason for transferring from a homebirth, is usually not an "emergency", but recognition that some extra help or pain relief is needed), or things that crop up earlier in the pregnancy leading you to be higher risk. For my partner one concern was PPH, but understanding the statistics of how likely it is, what the risk factors are that increase the risk, that midwives carry synto, how would a PPH be treated at home v hospital etc...
anyway my point it, often people are like "but what if something goes wrong?" and sometimes it can help to break it down into different scenarios and how they would be dealt with.

#6 Propaganda

Posted 06 February 2013 - 11:10 PM

Until it is his body birthing, my husband gets very little say. I want him to be onboard, but it's not a requirement.

Statistically homebirth and hospital births are fairly on par for safety of both mother and baby. There is no research to suggest that one is, overall, more dangerous than the other.

I would personally have him become involved with other parents who homebirth. People who are you type of people. Not over-the-top hippies, just regular, ordinary people who have experienced homebirth. Especially men who talk well of it. I know this has been very beneficial for my husband, and his opinion of homebirth has dramatically improved since working with a man who's wife had 2 homebirths.

He was neither here nor there before this, but when they met and it was at some point discussed, my husband now talks about how homebirth is a safe, reasonable option for women. I think it's been a combination of my conversations about it, and his conversations with his workmate.

#7 lady lady

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:12 PM

Congrats Penguin78!!!   I remember you from when your DS was born... our LO share the same b'day!!!!  

I was in the same situation and had a fabulous birth centre experience for DD#1.  I was keen for homebirth for DD#2 but DH wasn't.  

After much discussion he said the final decision was up to me .... in the end I went with the birth centre again.  I felt that I needed him to be "as keen" as I was to be comfortable enough to birth ...... it also wasn't something I was going to lose sleep over if I didn't have one. It was an option I was lucky enough to have available/ consider.

The BC was so busy when DD#2 was born that it was only DH and I up until the last 10 min when I pushed her out and we had 1x midwife attend to us.  Birth was completey drug and intervention free and went home 8 hours later, so it was the next best thing.  We even got the same room as DD#1 which was a nice touch.

Best Wishes for your pregnancy!

ETA - just realised my post is really of no help to you but just was excited to see your #2 on the way!!

Edited by lady lady, 13 February 2013 - 10:13 PM.


#8 kabailz13

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:38 PM

My third baby was a planned homebirth original.gif

To begin with, DH was VERY against it. Initially I think it was fear - he believed that birth was 'something that happens at hospitals'.

I just asked him what changed his mind and he mentioned that it stopped seeming so scary but didn't actually recall why - not much help to you I know.

What I did do whilst pregnant was find information to reassure him. Provided him with links and stats regarding the safety of homebirthing (expecially for subsequent children).

I had previously given birth to 3600g and 4420g babies vaginally so that also aided in reassuring him.

We hired an independent midwife and in the end, she missed the birth by around 15mins so it was just DH and I when DD2 was born in the birth pool in our dining room biggrin.gif One of the most precious times of my life!

I was extremely passionate about my desire to homebirth and I think I would have 'accidentally' stayed home too long had DH insisted I attend a hospital. Very firmly hold the belief that it's my body and my choice - of course, if I had been experiencing complications at all, I would have explored other options as well original.gif

#9 Kimmie85

Posted 02 March 2013 - 02:07 AM

Do you know any other couples who have had a home birth? It would be a good idea for him to talk to some other men who have been through the same. I'm new to the forum but is there a dad section on here where he could have a look?
Get as much info about it as you can. I think he probably feels a bit out of control and needs to know there's a backup if things go wrong, not that I think they're more likely to at home. Midwives are trained to spot the first signs of trouble and will have you in hospital as soon as possible if they think that's what's needed, but in the end I think he'll feel more in control on 'his territory'.
It'll take time but he'll get used to the idea, and remind him that where your first child is concerned, it's a much more relaxed environment in which to meet his/her new sibling than in a hospital ward.
Good luck.

#10 DEVOCEAN

Posted 02 March 2013 - 06:55 AM

Do all you can as the girls have advised, to see if you can change his mind and make him comfortable with the idea. If this is what you really want, tell him why. Let him know that you are not pushing his feelings aside, because after all it is his joyous time to.

I am very much a 'womans body means a womans choice' type person. I would hate to be the one who had no say and was not even thought of though if something were to happen. That person may then be left to make choices that would be made even harder because they were simply pushed aside in the first place.

#11 winterlove

Posted 02 March 2013 - 07:29 AM

Hi OP

Not sure if this will help but I sat down and watched Face of Birth documentary with my husband last night - which has a number of experts exploring the issue of homebirth and comparing the experience with the UK and Netherlands where home birth is more common and outcomes are good for women for low risk pregnancies than hospital births. http://www.faceofbirth.com/

I personally had an elective c section for my first because he was breech and then for my second RPA recommended another c section but let me wait 10 days over to try for a VBAC. My husband comes from a medical family with surgeons etc so always of the view that the hospital was the best place but after watching this show he said "midwifes really know what they are doing - it is actually safe to have a home birth and if anything goes wrong they can transfer you" (big turn around).

All the best with the birth.

#12 Bart.

Posted 02 March 2013 - 07:39 AM

I disagree slightly with Propaganda in that his opinion should still be taken into consideration in your decision; in other words, don't completely dismiss his concerns but address and acknowledge them.  After all, you are his wife and it's his child, too so although you're the one birthing, he still has a huge interest in proceedings and the safe outcome.

The final decision should be the mother's but perhaps there could be a plan agreed to by both of you that he is comfortable with, too?  That way there is a compromise in place and he still feels involved.

I hope you get your home birth.  They sound lovely!

(Edited for spelling)

Edited by Bart., 02 March 2013 - 07:40 AM.


#13 Charlie & Lola

Posted 02 March 2013 - 09:03 AM

I had a Homebirth for my last birth after 2 previous hospital births.

At first my husband was 110% against it. Like an earlier poster meeting a midwife, asking questions, knowing that she would bring oxygen, syntocin and a birthing kit changed his mind. He was initially fearful that something would go wrong, that HB was dangerous. His fears were founded on what he had always 'known' in his mind was normal - that birth took place in a hospital.

Experiencing our Homebirth was one of the most amazing events of both our lives. My baby is now almost 3 and the event of his birth is still something that we count as one of our most precious times as a family.

My husband is now a convert to Homebirth and unless there was a genuine medical need he would recommend to anyone that will listen that Homebirth is a safe, intimate, natural and superior option to a hospital birth.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Video: 10-week-old baby sounds like she says 'I love you'

It’s mixed in amongst garbled baby talk, but this 10-week-old's apparent attempt at telling her parents that she loves them has made her an internet star.

I only enjoyed pregnancy after booking my caesarean

To say I became obsessed is something of an understatement. Everywhere I went I found cause to be reminded of my impending pain.

When your bundle doesn't bring immediate joy

One mum says joy is very a personal feeling and expecting all new mums to feel it in the months after their baby born may do more harm than good.

Lessons learned from my toddler

Blogger Kiran Chug explains why she is going to let her toddler make more decisions for himself.

Family welcomes first baby girl in more than 100 years

The Silverton family has heard the phrase "it's a girl" for the first time in four generations.

When a community of kindness steps in

In future when someone I care for, or even someone I barely know, is experiencing a difficult time, I will not overthink it. I'll follow my heart.

Mum in Business: Jac Bowie

Jac Bowie is the founder of Business in Heels, one of the fastest growing women’s networking events in Australia. She shares her story, including how she juggles work with a young family, and ways to work smarter.

What not to say to a mum of twins

Being a mum of identical twin boys stirs up great interest and fascination. It also opens itself up to nosy, invasive questions, as well as huge assumptions.

The mums suing over unplanned babies

A mother-of-five who calls her two youngest sons "miracle babies" is just one of many mums seeking financial compensation for their children's unplanned conceptions.

Video: Dad sings 'Hallelujah' to his daughter every year

It's a gorgeous song to begin with, but this dad's version of Hallelujah, sung for his young daughter, is especially touching.

Constipation in babies when starting solids

While starting solids can be frustrating and messy (yet also fun!), introducing solids can also play havoc on tiny digestive systems.

Parents reunited with baby snatched from hospital

A mother whose newborn baby was snatched from hospital has spoken of her joy and relief at getting her daughter back.

In defence of the bumpie

Are bumpies - bump selfies - really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind"?

Life on the other side of the fence: Why I'm child-free and quite content

Acknowledging that motherhood isn't a bed of roses – to begrudge lack of time, sleep, money and spontaneity – is sacrilegious and a no-no, especially by mother superior-types.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher

Fill out this quick survey and tell us in 25 words or less your best pregnancy or parenting tip - you'll go in the draw to win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Vote for a chance to win $5000

The first ever Essential Baby Awards, celebrating the best in baby products. We?re inviting you to have your say. Simply vote for your favourite products to win a $5000 VISA debit card.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

Baby news for Isla and Sacha

Congratulations are in order for Aussie actress Isla Fisher and her husband, Sacha Baron Cohen.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Vote to win

What are your favourite baby products?

The first ever Essential Baby Awards, celebrating the best in baby products. We?re inviting you to have your say. Simply vote for your favourite products to win a $5000 VISA debit card.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.