Jump to content

I would like to consider a homebirth but husband doesn't


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 Penguin78

Posted 06 February 2013 - 05:34 PM

Hiya,

I just found out I am pregnant with my second child. First birth was an amazing experience through my local Birth Centre. I am booked in their again and would love to try a homebirth.

The sticking point is that my husband is not keen. Anyone else been in a similar position and managed to convince your partner?

I don't want to trick him or force him into a situation he is not comfortable with as he was an excellent support in the first birth and I don't want to take away his confidence.

Suggestions?

#2 Cherish

Posted 06 February 2013 - 05:55 PM

Do you know why he's not keen? That would be a good starting point.
Is it the cost?
Is he afraid something will go wrong?

Many people just assume you birth in a hospital these days original.gif

#3 Penguin78

Posted 06 February 2013 - 06:52 PM

It is cause he is afraid something will go wrong. Even though my hospitals program has a special arrangement with the ambulance service, specially trained midwives etc.

Maybe I should get the midwife to explain all this to him matter of factly so he can hear from her about how safe it is.

#4 Marchioness Flea

Posted 06 February 2013 - 08:07 PM

But is it as safe as a hospital birth? I'm thinking he thinks it isn't and it does depend on how far you are from a hospital.
Things can go wrong very quickly in birth and the time you wait for an ambulance and transport to a hospital and treatment may be enough time for things to go horribly wrong, which I'm assuming is his thinking as well.

Maybe the birth centre could be a nice compromise if you had a good experience last time.
I know you're the one giving birth, but he's the one who has to WATCH it all and be powerless to help if things go wrong.


#5 ekbaby

Posted 06 February 2013 - 09:33 PM

Get him to meet with the midwives and discuss his concerns.

My DP was nervous about having a homebirth (but always said it was my decision) however after meeting our midwife immediately felt much more comfortable- seeing how professional she was, having questions answered. You can talk about the resus equipment they bring, etc

Also I would ask him specifically what are his areas of concern-
in terms of "things quickly going horribly wrong", most of the time it's actually not like that. There are warning signs and things that might lead you to transfer, like a prolonged labour (the most common reason for transferring from a homebirth, is usually not an "emergency", but recognition that some extra help or pain relief is needed), or things that crop up earlier in the pregnancy leading you to be higher risk. For my partner one concern was PPH, but understanding the statistics of how likely it is, what the risk factors are that increase the risk, that midwives carry synto, how would a PPH be treated at home v hospital etc...
anyway my point it, often people are like "but what if something goes wrong?" and sometimes it can help to break it down into different scenarios and how they would be dealt with.

#6 Propaganda

Posted 06 February 2013 - 11:10 PM

Until it is his body birthing, my husband gets very little say. I want him to be onboard, but it's not a requirement.

Statistically homebirth and hospital births are fairly on par for safety of both mother and baby. There is no research to suggest that one is, overall, more dangerous than the other.

I would personally have him become involved with other parents who homebirth. People who are you type of people. Not over-the-top hippies, just regular, ordinary people who have experienced homebirth. Especially men who talk well of it. I know this has been very beneficial for my husband, and his opinion of homebirth has dramatically improved since working with a man who's wife had 2 homebirths.

He was neither here nor there before this, but when they met and it was at some point discussed, my husband now talks about how homebirth is a safe, reasonable option for women. I think it's been a combination of my conversations about it, and his conversations with his workmate.

#7 lady lady

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:12 PM

Congrats Penguin78!!!   I remember you from when your DS was born... our LO share the same b'day!!!!  

I was in the same situation and had a fabulous birth centre experience for DD#1.  I was keen for homebirth for DD#2 but DH wasn't.  

After much discussion he said the final decision was up to me .... in the end I went with the birth centre again.  I felt that I needed him to be "as keen" as I was to be comfortable enough to birth ...... it also wasn't something I was going to lose sleep over if I didn't have one. It was an option I was lucky enough to have available/ consider.

The BC was so busy when DD#2 was born that it was only DH and I up until the last 10 min when I pushed her out and we had 1x midwife attend to us.  Birth was completey drug and intervention free and went home 8 hours later, so it was the next best thing.  We even got the same room as DD#1 which was a nice touch.

Best Wishes for your pregnancy!

ETA - just realised my post is really of no help to you but just was excited to see your #2 on the way!!

Edited by lady lady, 13 February 2013 - 10:13 PM.


#8 kabailz13

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:38 PM

My third baby was a planned homebirth original.gif

To begin with, DH was VERY against it. Initially I think it was fear - he believed that birth was 'something that happens at hospitals'.

I just asked him what changed his mind and he mentioned that it stopped seeming so scary but didn't actually recall why - not much help to you I know.

What I did do whilst pregnant was find information to reassure him. Provided him with links and stats regarding the safety of homebirthing (expecially for subsequent children).

I had previously given birth to 3600g and 4420g babies vaginally so that also aided in reassuring him.

We hired an independent midwife and in the end, she missed the birth by around 15mins so it was just DH and I when DD2 was born in the birth pool in our dining room biggrin.gif One of the most precious times of my life!

I was extremely passionate about my desire to homebirth and I think I would have 'accidentally' stayed home too long had DH insisted I attend a hospital. Very firmly hold the belief that it's my body and my choice - of course, if I had been experiencing complications at all, I would have explored other options as well original.gif

#9 Kimmie85

Posted 02 March 2013 - 02:07 AM

Do you know any other couples who have had a home birth? It would be a good idea for him to talk to some other men who have been through the same. I'm new to the forum but is there a dad section on here where he could have a look?
Get as much info about it as you can. I think he probably feels a bit out of control and needs to know there's a backup if things go wrong, not that I think they're more likely to at home. Midwives are trained to spot the first signs of trouble and will have you in hospital as soon as possible if they think that's what's needed, but in the end I think he'll feel more in control on 'his territory'.
It'll take time but he'll get used to the idea, and remind him that where your first child is concerned, it's a much more relaxed environment in which to meet his/her new sibling than in a hospital ward.
Good luck.

#10 DEVOCEAN

Posted 02 March 2013 - 06:55 AM

Do all you can as the girls have advised, to see if you can change his mind and make him comfortable with the idea. If this is what you really want, tell him why. Let him know that you are not pushing his feelings aside, because after all it is his joyous time to.

I am very much a 'womans body means a womans choice' type person. I would hate to be the one who had no say and was not even thought of though if something were to happen. That person may then be left to make choices that would be made even harder because they were simply pushed aside in the first place.

#11 winterlove

Posted 02 March 2013 - 07:29 AM

Hi OP

Not sure if this will help but I sat down and watched Face of Birth documentary with my husband last night - which has a number of experts exploring the issue of homebirth and comparing the experience with the UK and Netherlands where home birth is more common and outcomes are good for women for low risk pregnancies than hospital births. http://www.faceofbirth.com/

I personally had an elective c section for my first because he was breech and then for my second RPA recommended another c section but let me wait 10 days over to try for a VBAC. My husband comes from a medical family with surgeons etc so always of the view that the hospital was the best place but after watching this show he said "midwifes really know what they are doing - it is actually safe to have a home birth and if anything goes wrong they can transfer you" (big turn around).

All the best with the birth.

#12 Bart.

Posted 02 March 2013 - 07:39 AM

I disagree slightly with Propaganda in that his opinion should still be taken into consideration in your decision; in other words, don't completely dismiss his concerns but address and acknowledge them.  After all, you are his wife and it's his child, too so although you're the one birthing, he still has a huge interest in proceedings and the safe outcome.

The final decision should be the mother's but perhaps there could be a plan agreed to by both of you that he is comfortable with, too?  That way there is a compromise in place and he still feels involved.

I hope you get your home birth.  They sound lovely!

(Edited for spelling)

Edited by Bart., 02 March 2013 - 07:40 AM.


#13 Charlie & Lola

Posted 02 March 2013 - 09:03 AM

I had a Homebirth for my last birth after 2 previous hospital births.

At first my husband was 110% against it. Like an earlier poster meeting a midwife, asking questions, knowing that she would bring oxygen, syntocin and a birthing kit changed his mind. He was initially fearful that something would go wrong, that HB was dangerous. His fears were founded on what he had always 'known' in his mind was normal - that birth took place in a hospital.

Experiencing our Homebirth was one of the most amazing events of both our lives. My baby is now almost 3 and the event of his birth is still something that we count as one of our most precious times as a family.

My husband is now a convert to Homebirth and unless there was a genuine medical need he would recommend to anyone that will listen that Homebirth is a safe, intimate, natural and superior option to a hospital birth.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Trying to understand why your baby is upset

Working out what?s underlying your baby's fussiness can be a case of trial and error. Here are a few common causes and how you can remedy each one.

When those you love judge your parenting

In today's society, never has it been harder to parent without judgment. But what about when judgment is coming from closer to home?

Don't play the victim blame game with family violence

It's not a woman's job to teach violent men how to behave.

11 truths about having two under two

When I told my mothers? group that my husband and I had started trying for our second baby they told me I was crazy. Now I can see why.

'How do you say goodbye to someone you've only just started to get to know?'

New mum Sarah Sutton was faced with a shattering scenario no person should have to endure.

It's a ... boy! Couple welcomes son number 13

"It's a boy!" That's the phrase Kateri Schwandt has heard in labour delivery ward for the 13th time in her life.

Six reasons to go for a walk

Can't find time to get to the gym? It could be just as beneficial to put your baby in the stroller and go for a walk.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

Toddler styling

Seven things my toddler taught me about my home

My standards at home were never that high but having a two-year-old has taught me to be cool with chaos.

Australia's top baby names of 2014

The numbers have been crunched and it's official: Australian parents are having a bit of an 'O' moment.

How to set up the perfect nursery for your baby

You'll soon be meeting your baby, but you've got one big task to get done first: setting up a comfy, calming nursery you'll both be able to enjoy.

Childcare rebate: tougher rules for stay-at-home mums

A new form of activity testing will be introduced to ensure the highest subsidies go to parents who contribute the most to the workforce.

The women who desperately need more support in pregnancy

For women suffering from chronic morning sickness or hyperemesis gravidarum, pregnancy can be the roller coaster from hell.

When labour doesn't happen and you're induced

I never actually went into labour - so by 42 weeks I was booked in for induction.

Mum's grief for triplets inspires change

The death of Sophie Smith's triplet baby boys has motivated the half-marathon mother and her team to raise $1.25 million for charity.

The best advice for treating head lice

Just like a horror movie ... THEY'RE BAAAAAACK. So what works in treating and avoiding head lice and nits?

Overdue and over it

A watched womb never labours ... or at least mine didn't.

Parenting an early walker

Watching your child take their first wobbly steps is one of the best parenting highs you'll ever experience. But with that high comes a new reality.

Baby-led weaning worked for us

My baby wasn't interested in food - until we tried something new. Now she's eating it all, and it often comes from my plate.

'Paralysed bride' becomes a mum

Rachelle Friedman Chapman was preparing to marry the man of her dreams when tragedy struck four years ago.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.