Jump to content

I would like to consider a homebirth but husband doesn't


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 Penguin78

Posted 06 February 2013 - 05:34 PM

Hiya,

I just found out I am pregnant with my second child. First birth was an amazing experience through my local Birth Centre. I am booked in their again and would love to try a homebirth.

The sticking point is that my husband is not keen. Anyone else been in a similar position and managed to convince your partner?

I don't want to trick him or force him into a situation he is not comfortable with as he was an excellent support in the first birth and I don't want to take away his confidence.

Suggestions?

#2 Cherish

Posted 06 February 2013 - 05:55 PM

Do you know why he's not keen? That would be a good starting point.
Is it the cost?
Is he afraid something will go wrong?

Many people just assume you birth in a hospital these days original.gif

#3 Penguin78

Posted 06 February 2013 - 06:52 PM

It is cause he is afraid something will go wrong. Even though my hospitals program has a special arrangement with the ambulance service, specially trained midwives etc.

Maybe I should get the midwife to explain all this to him matter of factly so he can hear from her about how safe it is.

#4 Jenferal

Posted 06 February 2013 - 08:07 PM

But is it as safe as a hospital birth? I'm thinking he thinks it isn't and it does depend on how far you are from a hospital.
Things can go wrong very quickly in birth and the time you wait for an ambulance and transport to a hospital and treatment may be enough time for things to go horribly wrong, which I'm assuming is his thinking as well.

Maybe the birth centre could be a nice compromise if you had a good experience last time.
I know you're the one giving birth, but he's the one who has to WATCH it all and be powerless to help if things go wrong.


#5 ekbaby

Posted 06 February 2013 - 09:33 PM

Get him to meet with the midwives and discuss his concerns.

My DP was nervous about having a homebirth (but always said it was my decision) however after meeting our midwife immediately felt much more comfortable- seeing how professional she was, having questions answered. You can talk about the resus equipment they bring, etc

Also I would ask him specifically what are his areas of concern-
in terms of "things quickly going horribly wrong", most of the time it's actually not like that. There are warning signs and things that might lead you to transfer, like a prolonged labour (the most common reason for transferring from a homebirth, is usually not an "emergency", but recognition that some extra help or pain relief is needed), or things that crop up earlier in the pregnancy leading you to be higher risk. For my partner one concern was PPH, but understanding the statistics of how likely it is, what the risk factors are that increase the risk, that midwives carry synto, how would a PPH be treated at home v hospital etc...
anyway my point it, often people are like "but what if something goes wrong?" and sometimes it can help to break it down into different scenarios and how they would be dealt with.

#6 Propaganda

Posted 06 February 2013 - 11:10 PM

Until it is his body birthing, my husband gets very little say. I want him to be onboard, but it's not a requirement.

Statistically homebirth and hospital births are fairly on par for safety of both mother and baby. There is no research to suggest that one is, overall, more dangerous than the other.

I would personally have him become involved with other parents who homebirth. People who are you type of people. Not over-the-top hippies, just regular, ordinary people who have experienced homebirth. Especially men who talk well of it. I know this has been very beneficial for my husband, and his opinion of homebirth has dramatically improved since working with a man who's wife had 2 homebirths.

He was neither here nor there before this, but when they met and it was at some point discussed, my husband now talks about how homebirth is a safe, reasonable option for women. I think it's been a combination of my conversations about it, and his conversations with his workmate.

#7 lady lady

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:12 PM

Congrats Penguin78!!!   I remember you from when your DS was born... our LO share the same b'day!!!!  

I was in the same situation and had a fabulous birth centre experience for DD#1.  I was keen for homebirth for DD#2 but DH wasn't.  

After much discussion he said the final decision was up to me .... in the end I went with the birth centre again.  I felt that I needed him to be "as keen" as I was to be comfortable enough to birth ...... it also wasn't something I was going to lose sleep over if I didn't have one. It was an option I was lucky enough to have available/ consider.

The BC was so busy when DD#2 was born that it was only DH and I up until the last 10 min when I pushed her out and we had 1x midwife attend to us.  Birth was completey drug and intervention free and went home 8 hours later, so it was the next best thing.  We even got the same room as DD#1 which was a nice touch.

Best Wishes for your pregnancy!

ETA - just realised my post is really of no help to you but just was excited to see your #2 on the way!!

Edited by lady lady, 13 February 2013 - 10:13 PM.


#8 kabailz13

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:38 PM

My third baby was a planned homebirth original.gif

To begin with, DH was VERY against it. Initially I think it was fear - he believed that birth was 'something that happens at hospitals'.

I just asked him what changed his mind and he mentioned that it stopped seeming so scary but didn't actually recall why - not much help to you I know.

What I did do whilst pregnant was find information to reassure him. Provided him with links and stats regarding the safety of homebirthing (expecially for subsequent children).

I had previously given birth to 3600g and 4420g babies vaginally so that also aided in reassuring him.

We hired an independent midwife and in the end, she missed the birth by around 15mins so it was just DH and I when DD2 was born in the birth pool in our dining room biggrin.gif One of the most precious times of my life!

I was extremely passionate about my desire to homebirth and I think I would have 'accidentally' stayed home too long had DH insisted I attend a hospital. Very firmly hold the belief that it's my body and my choice - of course, if I had been experiencing complications at all, I would have explored other options as well original.gif

#9 Kimmie85

Posted 02 March 2013 - 02:07 AM

Do you know any other couples who have had a home birth? It would be a good idea for him to talk to some other men who have been through the same. I'm new to the forum but is there a dad section on here where he could have a look?
Get as much info about it as you can. I think he probably feels a bit out of control and needs to know there's a backup if things go wrong, not that I think they're more likely to at home. Midwives are trained to spot the first signs of trouble and will have you in hospital as soon as possible if they think that's what's needed, but in the end I think he'll feel more in control on 'his territory'.
It'll take time but he'll get used to the idea, and remind him that where your first child is concerned, it's a much more relaxed environment in which to meet his/her new sibling than in a hospital ward.
Good luck.

#10 DEVOCEAN

Posted 02 March 2013 - 06:55 AM

Do all you can as the girls have advised, to see if you can change his mind and make him comfortable with the idea. If this is what you really want, tell him why. Let him know that you are not pushing his feelings aside, because after all it is his joyous time to.

I am very much a 'womans body means a womans choice' type person. I would hate to be the one who had no say and was not even thought of though if something were to happen. That person may then be left to make choices that would be made even harder because they were simply pushed aside in the first place.

#11 winterlove

Posted 02 March 2013 - 07:29 AM

Hi OP

Not sure if this will help but I sat down and watched Face of Birth documentary with my husband last night - which has a number of experts exploring the issue of homebirth and comparing the experience with the UK and Netherlands where home birth is more common and outcomes are good for women for low risk pregnancies than hospital births. http://www.faceofbirth.com/

I personally had an elective c section for my first because he was breech and then for my second RPA recommended another c section but let me wait 10 days over to try for a VBAC. My husband comes from a medical family with surgeons etc so always of the view that the hospital was the best place but after watching this show he said "midwifes really know what they are doing - it is actually safe to have a home birth and if anything goes wrong they can transfer you" (big turn around).

All the best with the birth.

#12 Bart.

Posted 02 March 2013 - 07:39 AM

I disagree slightly with Propaganda in that his opinion should still be taken into consideration in your decision; in other words, don't completely dismiss his concerns but address and acknowledge them.  After all, you are his wife and it's his child, too so although you're the one birthing, he still has a huge interest in proceedings and the safe outcome.

The final decision should be the mother's but perhaps there could be a plan agreed to by both of you that he is comfortable with, too?  That way there is a compromise in place and he still feels involved.

I hope you get your home birth.  They sound lovely!

(Edited for spelling)

Edited by Bart., 02 March 2013 - 07:40 AM.


#13 Charlie & Lola

Posted 02 March 2013 - 09:03 AM

I had a Homebirth for my last birth after 2 previous hospital births.

At first my husband was 110% against it. Like an earlier poster meeting a midwife, asking questions, knowing that she would bring oxygen, syntocin and a birthing kit changed his mind. He was initially fearful that something would go wrong, that HB was dangerous. His fears were founded on what he had always 'known' in his mind was normal - that birth took place in a hospital.

Experiencing our Homebirth was one of the most amazing events of both our lives. My baby is now almost 3 and the event of his birth is still something that we count as one of our most precious times as a family.

My husband is now a convert to Homebirth and unless there was a genuine medical need he would recommend to anyone that will listen that Homebirth is a safe, intimate, natural and superior option to a hospital birth.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

Toddler freed after getting trapped in escalator

A shopping centre escalator needed to be pulled apart to free a toddler's trapped hand.

Why I'm kind of excited about my daughter's nits

Is it weird to say that I am secretly thrilled to find that my daughter Edie has nits?

Baby born at 10:11 on 12-13-14

Well, it's actually 13-12-14 to us over here. But still, Clare Elizabeth Keane's consecutive numerical birth time is pretty special.

On holding tightly and loving fiercely

We can't live in fear. This post is about Christmas and how at this time we should be celebrating life and grateful for what we have: our loved ones who we cherish fiercely.

Babies, relatives and coping with Christmas day

Everyone will love your baby but your baby may not be so happy to be passed around a lot of new people - nor may you want to feed with an audience.

Why I won't be posting pictures of my baby on Facebook

There are pros and cons to this policy.

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.