Jump to content

Juggling dreams and reality


  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 galleygirl

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:20 PM

Hi,

Not sure if this is the correct area to post. I'm a single Mum, and my dilemma is I have been accepted to do further study. If I had all the money in the world I would drop everything and study full time. It's a huge commitment 8 years full time, but at the end would be rewarding and secure a pretty good job I would think. It would be my dream to work in a professional capacity helping people which is what this degree would offer. I can do this part time over the 8 years, but it's still a huge HECS debt and would need to juggle all areas of my life just to get through. Life is busy atm even without the study.

However, reality is i need to support my kids. I'm 38, kids are 6 and 8. Expenses are mounting. I'm currently on a low wage working school hours. I could go and do a post grad in accounting/bookkeeping to improve my chances of getting better paid employment in time, but that is not my passion. Seems more like drudgery but a realistic option.

If I had my way, I'd volunteer full time and help people everyday and be creative in my spare time. But that won't pay the bills or support my kids.

How does one balance dreams with the reality of day to day life?

#2 krich78

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:37 PM

It's not easy is it. I totally get where your coming from re compromise and feeling like you need to sacrifice a dream. I feel that I have made alot of compromises for my family but you need to be practical and accept that you need to make the best of your current circumstances rather than follow dreams instead of responsibilities.
For what it's worth, the dream does not always match the reality. For example, a friend of mine studied law as a single mother in her late thirties. She did well but the course took her over 6 years part time and by the time she graduated she was in her forties with no practical experience in the area. That was 10 years ago and she has never been able to get work as a lawyer. The degree has helped her in other ways but not the way she hoped. Meanwhile, her two kids had to grow up with very little money for extras and she still has to build up some super for her retirement. Not ideal.

#3 Angelot

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:44 PM

I think it's about realising that small steps are possible.

For example, with the course that's for your dream, could you start with just one unit?  Are any units offered online, rather than on campus?  That would give you some flexibility as you get your head around it all.  Also, would it be possible to break the eight years down into chunks - perhaps study for a bit, defer for a year and work/save, then go back and study some more?

I would say don't look at it as all or nothing, but realise that there are lots of possibilities (depending on what you're doing, of course) and be prepared to think outside the square.  Talk to people who do the kind of thing you want to do, and find out what the reality of the process has been for them, as well as what things you might not have thought of yet.

And good luck!  I think life is too short to settle for being less than you might be.



#4 kpingitquiet

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:45 PM

Do it. Your kids are 6 and 8. You are 38. In 8 years, they will be 16 and 14 and looking toward their own futures. In 12 years, give or take, you will be on your own or with a new partner and will be only 50 years old with, hopefully, 4 years of the new career under your belt, less expenses, and as much as 50 more years ahead of you to be happy with your choices.

While I'm not a single parent, we're on a very tight income and are finding a way to afford my study, and once HECS is possible for me then he'll begin studying. So 1 FT worker/ PT student and 1 SAHM (of hopefully 2)/FT student. And no money leftover most months. But we're looking forward to the financial improvements our study will make, the emotional and mental satisfaction, and the example it sets for our kid(s).

#5 kabailz13

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:59 PM

It is a huge decision to make isn't it?

For the past year, we have been a 2x full time student family. Since January 1st, the child care fee assistance we were receiving has decreased resulting in us having to pay TEN TIMES the amount we were paying. It is now inconceivable that I will be able to finish my degree ($250pw on child care with no income is just impossible for us).

We have had lots of discussions about where we are heading and what sort of life we are giving our kids (eldest turns 12 this year and youngest turned 2 last month).

The result is that I will be a SAHM and DH is going back to FIFO work. He is still working toward the same ultimate goal of health and safety but taking a different approach. Me? Well, I want to be there for the kids. With two ASD kids and another 3 with varying extra needs, one of us really needs to be available and present all the time.

I'm not sure that has helped you at all. My only suggestion is to realistically look at your life and how it would impact both you and your kids with you studying for 8yrs. Is that how you want to live your life? (I'm not saying it's bad or wrong AT ALL, it's merely a question only you can answer).

Good luck making the call original.gif

#6 Feral_Pooks

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:06 PM

Go for it!

I agree with PP, study while your kids are young and then you will be ready to launch off into a fantastic career where your abilities, heart and soul all want you to be.

My spider sense are tingling, is it a social work degree? Coz if it is PLEASE DO IT people with life experience and who have experienced some adversity and have some maturity are exactly what the profession needs.

You will also be setting a brilliant example for your kids. Do you want them to work hard and do the things they love? Modeling it is the best lesson you could give.

In those young adult years they will feel so pleased that you have a secure base to live your own life and they will be able to set out with that example behind them.

Make sure you reach out for help when you can, and all the best!

#7 emnut

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:42 PM

I'm in team take a chance & do it full time.  Like Pooks I assumed it is social work you are talking of.  My SIL is a single mum of a 10yo and made the choice after being diagnosed with MS 3 years ago and losing her low paying job largely due to the excessive amount of time she had off work sick that she was going to go for it.  Yes things have been tight for her financially, and due to the change in PPS we are helping her a bit, but she is much happier now she is following her dreams and really looking forward to the future with the finishing line in sight.

As she decided, she could struggle on a low income job that she would be stuck with, or she could take a chance on things being tough for 4 years but a happier future for her & her daughter.  Even with the financial strain she has no regrets.

#8 galleygirl

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:45 PM

QUOTE (Pooks_ @ 05/02/2013, 02:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Go for it!

I agree with PP, study while your kids are young and then you will be ready to launch off into a fantastic career where your abilities, heart and soul all want you to be.

My spider sense are tingling, is it a social work degree? Coz if it is PLEASE DO IT people with life experience and who have experienced some adversity and have some maturity are exactly what the profession needs.

You will also be setting a brilliant example for your kids. Do you want them to work hard and do the things they love? Modeling it is the best lesson you could give.

In those young adult years they will feel so pleased that you have a secure base to live your own life and they will be able to set out with that example behind them.

Make sure you reach out for help when you can, and all the best!


Your sense is correct. It's a BA Arts/Social work. I'd like to do a psych major to keep options open, but that also terrifies me!! Since the end of my marriage I feel so scared to commit to anything for fear of failing it!!

Thank you everyone else for your posts. It's so good to get feedback on the way I feel!

#9 RunDMC

Posted 05 February 2013 - 03:06 PM

Go for it, make your own luck.
Your tough experience may actually be the experience you need to get your dream career, sometimes in social work it helps the people you are dealing with to see that you can not only talk the talk but also walk the walk.
On another note I always think that it is better to have tried and failed than to have always wondered. By trying you expose yourself to all sorts of opportunities that may even take you on a journey you were not expecting.

#10 L.A.M

Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:42 PM

I am where you are at Galleygirl!

I a single Mum but to 3 who works FT, so I need to study PT as a result. I can't cut any hours at work to study more quickly as I have a mortgage so need what I already earn (and then some..sigh).

II can't work any more (Overtime) if I am going to study to help pay for it, (as I will have tto do PAYG due to my current earnings) which I could do with as the $3000k a year I need to pay for school fees is my fix the carpet problem this yr money, buy that new couch as kids have wrecked old one money next yr money...basically my ONLY surplus money, and barely that as general kids cost usually eat half of it anyway.
And I am with you on the ..life is busy at the moment without studying, BUT if I really analyse that I procrastinate A LOT lol, like now on EB.

Can I make it work, who knows. I want this yr to be my test yr, if I blow $3500k as I pay for this yr but know that at the end of this yr in all realisim I can't keep going ($ wise, time wise, general sanity wise), well at least I gave it a REAL shot! wink.gif


All the best deciding. Social work was on my list, but half the course was to wishy washy for me lol. The job sounds super BUT couldn't study it to get there lol

Edited by L.A.M, 05 February 2013 - 08:44 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Band

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Band

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.