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Daycare have made DD reliant on the dummy
how to stop?

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9 replies to this topic

#1 than4

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:15 PM

DH was/is very anti-dummy.  So at 5 months we (I) went through the hell and got DD to stop using the dummy to sleep.  We still had/have one for "emergencies" and hadn't really been using it at all.

When she started daycare I took one there thinking that she might need it the first few times they put her to sleep as it was a new environment.  I specifically told the carers that it was to be used as a last resort if they couldn't get her to sleep any other way.  

I feel that I have been ignored as my DD now has the dummy for every sleep at daycare - from the beginning not just if they can't get her to sleep and is now becoming reliant on it at home as well.  I can't get her to resettle any other way now when previously she used to resettle herself no problems.

I also know that they have been giving it to her outside sleep time which for us is a BIG NO-NO.

I'm not sure how to
a) raise it with them that I don't want DD to have the dummy as I feel that once I leave they will just do what they want anyway
b) get her to stop being reliant on the dummy without going through the hell of controlled crying again - which will be even worse this time because she is so much older.

I don't want to be that pushy parent who needs daycare to do everything my way but this is a big issue for me.

#2 SeaPrincess

Posted 06 February 2013 - 08:26 AM

If you don't think they'll respect your wishes, just stop sending the dummy and tell them that you've decided it's time to get rid of it.

How old is she?  Your approach to removing it again might be different depending on how old she is.  My friend's DS used to sleep with 3 - one in her mouth and 1 in each hand.  She talked about how on his birthday, it was time to say goodbye to the dummies, on his birthday they put them in the green bin and the bin was emptied and that was it.  He asked for them at bedtime, but when he was reminded that they had gone on the truck, he went to sleep without a fuss.

#3 The Falcon

Posted 06 February 2013 - 12:01 PM

In my experience as soon as you tell the carers to stop giving the dummy they will do so.  Might have a few iffy sleeps but I expect bubs would get used to it really quickly with continuity.  

So I would not send one anymore and just let them know you are ditching the dummy.  I have never heard of a carer protest this, or go against your wishes.

#4 bikingbubs

Posted 06 February 2013 - 12:03 PM

Either just tell them not to give it to her, or dont send the dummy at all.

#5 shelly1

Posted 06 February 2013 - 12:05 PM

Dont pack the dummy and they cant give it to her simple!

Explain to them you have weaned her and there isnt one in her bag anymore. It will then leave them no choice to settle her other ways.

#6 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 06 February 2013 - 12:27 PM

I kind of think you started this by sending the dummy in the first place - if your child gets comfort from it I'm not surprised they offer it to comfort her.   Daycare is pretty stressful.  I'm not anti - my son is in daycare - but I can see that it's sometimes pretty challenging for him.   With a 4/1 ratio there will be times they cant always pick her up and cuddle her immediately (eg if she gets upset while another child is protesting being dropped off).  

Also are other bubs in the room using dummies outside nap-times?  I know with my son, I had him drinking cows milk from a cup but daycare still gave him a bottle because littler babies were having them, and he'd get upset, cry and try to snatch them.   I was OK when I understood the reasoning.  Now he has transitioned rooms no one has a bottle anymore and he is fine.  

It might be a choice between your daughter using her own dummy or having to break up squabbles all the time.

Agree with PPs that you just need to tell them dummies are finished.  Can you gradually swap it for a lovey/blankie/bear so she still has a comfort item?

#7 Natttmumm

Posted 06 February 2013 - 12:32 PM

I think the dummy is an all or nothing thing. Either just use it or don't send it and don't keep an emergency.
It's confusing for her

#8 lozoodle

Posted 06 February 2013 - 12:36 PM

QUOTE (Natttmumm @ 06/02/2013, 01:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the dummy is an all or nothing thing. Either just use it or don't send it and don't keep an emergency.
It's confusing for her

I agree, they either have a dummy or they don't.

I would cut it out completely if you don't want her having it, or just continue giving it for sleep. Either way its really not a big deal. If you don't want them to use a dummy, just don't send one.

#9 Chazee

Posted 06 February 2013 - 12:46 PM

Does she use the dummy when she's at home? If not, is it that bad a thing that she gets to use it for comfort when not at home? If she's refusing to sleep at home without the dummy because of its use at daycare, then i get what you're saying.

#10 than4

Posted 08 February 2013 - 03:37 PM

Thanks for the advice.

I took the dummy in initially and it has stayed at daycare so will need to get it back so they can't use it anymore.

For me it's about three things
- they didn't even try to get her to sleep without the dummy (I've seen)
- they give it to her during the day - she NEVER gets the dummy during the day at home.  Already I have had to sign the injury book twice as another child has scratched her face trying to get the dummy out of her mouth
- it is affecting the home sleep - she can still get to sleep okay with some struggling but now finds it hard to resettle without the dummy.  

She also uses face washers as a comfort item so it's not like she is without anything.

If it wasn't affecting things at home then I wouldn't have a problem - what goes on at daycare is their business - like me I"m sure they do things to just 'get through the day' some days.  But because it is changing things at home I really want things to change there.

Will bite the bullet and talk to them I guess.

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