Jump to content

autistic child caught stealing
punishment?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 -*meh*-

Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:47 AM

Ds1 is 8 and has high functioning autism, he is in a mainstream class currently without support ( recent diagnosis so still getting paper work and red tape completed)

This morning I gave both the boys canteen money but when we got to ds1's class we discovered ds1 had lost some. I as checking his bag to see if it fell in there and he got funny when i started to unzip a side pocket. In the side pocket was some Lego bits that I know we don't have. When i questioned him he went in to a meltdown and I made him take the pieces to his teacher who made him put them away. When I left he was hiding being some desks.

He lost his canteen money today but I don't know if I should do anything else. Lego is his main asd obsession and we have a small truck load at home but he has never taken others before.

#2 frizzle

Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:57 AM

That's enough I would think. I wouldn't go further. Are you using some social stories with him? I would be concentrating on routines, what's acceptable etc and if he did it again have a consequence worked out in advance so you aren't doing it on the fly like today. I definitely wouldn't drag it out so to speak with the change in going back to school etc already going on.

#3 FeralZombieMum

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:36 AM

He has already been punished and by punishing him further, you'll just confuse him, or it won't click with why you're punishing him.

Punishment should be more about natural consequence - he'll learn better this way.
In his mind, he might not have thought it was 'stealing', but he might have thought of it as 'borrowing'.

I don't think taking his canteen money off him was the right thing to do - you've mucked up part of his routine for the day, and it wasn't related to the lego. (ie wasn't a natural consequence.) I know what it's like in the heat of the moment though, and probably would have done the same thing myself, then realised later on that it was the wrong thing for me to do. wink.gif

I would be focusing on why he took it. Was it lego from school or from another child?
Does he like to have things in his pockets to fiddle with? Does he need a small toy to have when he has no one to play with in the school playground? Find the reason for why he had it, and replace it with something that's acceptable for him to have.

It could be that he placed them in his shorts pocket during playtime and he didn't intend to bring it home, but forgot about them and accidentally brought them home and was then going to bring them back. (ie maybe they were making stuff and he wanted to use these bits, but didn't need them yet, so placed them in his pocket, then forgot about them and realised at home he still had them - so he put them in his bag with the intention of returning them.)

Social stories are also a good idea.

#4 baddmammajamma

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:48 AM

Damn computer ate my edit! mad.gif

I echo what frizzle has suggested. I wouldn't push any further with the punishment under the circumstances you've described. I think Zombie Mum raises some great points as well -- undesirable behavior should be met with natural consequences, rather than something totally unrelated (taking canteen money to "punish" for taking Lego -- that's confusing!)

Social stories can be very valuable in setting expectations (for use in new situations) or reminding childen of what should be done as a matter of routine (spelling out what things need to happen when arriving/unpacking at school). If you pop over to the SNs board, I'm sure several of us there could go into greater detail about things that have worked well with school aged kids.

In terms of classroom behavior management, what has worked very well for our daughter (this is under the direction of our psychologist, who is also a board certified behavioral analyst) is developing a simple sheet of performance expectations at school (3 or 4 core things). She has had a hand in the drafting to enforce the notion of ownership.

If she demonstrates good behavior (asking my teacher for help when I have a question or am upset / using my brain to try new things / listening to my teacher / etc.), then she gets a small token for that period. If she collects X tokers/stickers, then she earns 10 minutes toward the end of the day to do creative writing, which is her passion.

A key success factor is that the rewards for good behavior at school be tied to school and that they be somewhat immediate (rather than "If you are good all week, I'll take you to the Lego museum.")

When kids have obsessions, it actually gives you an opportunity to leverage their "currency." I imagine with a little thoughtful consideration, you & your son's teacher could come up with something that helps reinforce general "good citizen" rules and also helps motivate your son.

Are you working with a psychologist or behavioral specialist at present? If not, I would strongly suggest that you get a pro on your side who can help you anticipate challenging episodes and give you some guidance on how to address them.

Edited by baddmammajamma, 05 February 2013 - 09:55 AM.


#5 -*meh*-

Posted 05 February 2013 - 10:11 AM

I can't be sure, and I know ds1 won't talk about it, but he most likely took the pieces because we don't have those ones. It wasn't a mistake as ds1 wouldn't think to put it in his bag to take back and we have had mistakes like that over the years and he knows that he doesn't get in trouble for that, he just has to apologise to the teacher (eg sorry Ms x I accidently left this in my pocket).

the canteen money was a random treat and not routine, but he knows that bad behaviour doesn't get treats so I didn't feel I could give it to him without saying what he did was ok.

This is a very new diagnosis for us so I don't really know much about the social stories in truth, we have never had a problem like this as ds1 can be obsessive about rules, although thinking about it his meltdown and extreme reaction may have something to do with that as he knows people that steal get in trouble from the police (his favorite Lego sets are the city ones and in particular the police/robbers ones)

#6 -*meh*-

Posted 05 February 2013 - 10:12 AM

oh I should add I didn't go overboard with the money thing, I was already holding what he hadn't dropped so I just said he could have it another day

#7 frizzle

Posted 05 February 2013 - 10:23 AM

It sounds like you did your best and it was all ok so I wouldn't worry. Are you able to access some psych services? You can use Medicare mental health plan and you are also entitled to 20 specialist appointments until he is a teenager, I can't remember the exact number or age sorry. I really think its vital to have a good psych on your team. Our old one left the clinic we used and we have had a terrible time finding a good one, but have just found one right near where we live and close to school, it's such a relief, they work on these exact issues with you and his teachers. I couldn't do it without ours.

#8 i-candi

Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:29 PM

A child with Autism needs social stories, constancy and understanding.

If it happens again do exactly as you have done, again and again and again.

#9 unicycle

Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:37 PM

Hi! I really struggle with being creative enough to figure a natural consequence in advance, let alone on the spot. Can people suggest a range of natural consequences for the OP's particular situation as related to us  so I can get an idea how it would work?
Thanks




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.