Jump to content

autistic child caught stealing
punishment?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Bob-the-skull

Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:47 AM

Ds1 is 8 and has high functioning autism, he is in a mainstream class currently without support ( recent diagnosis so still getting paper work and red tape completed)

This morning I gave both the boys canteen money but when we got to ds1's class we discovered ds1 had lost some. I as checking his bag to see if it fell in there and he got funny when i started to unzip a side pocket. In the side pocket was some Lego bits that I know we don't have. When i questioned him he went in to a meltdown and I made him take the pieces to his teacher who made him put them away. When I left he was hiding being some desks.

He lost his canteen money today but I don't know if I should do anything else. Lego is his main asd obsession and we have a small truck load at home but he has never taken others before.

#2 frizzle

Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:57 AM

That's enough I would think. I wouldn't go further. Are you using some social stories with him? I would be concentrating on routines, what's acceptable etc and if he did it again have a consequence worked out in advance so you aren't doing it on the fly like today. I definitely wouldn't drag it out so to speak with the change in going back to school etc already going on.

#3 FeralZombieMum

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:36 AM

He has already been punished and by punishing him further, you'll just confuse him, or it won't click with why you're punishing him.

Punishment should be more about natural consequence - he'll learn better this way.
In his mind, he might not have thought it was 'stealing', but he might have thought of it as 'borrowing'.

I don't think taking his canteen money off him was the right thing to do - you've mucked up part of his routine for the day, and it wasn't related to the lego. (ie wasn't a natural consequence.) I know what it's like in the heat of the moment though, and probably would have done the same thing myself, then realised later on that it was the wrong thing for me to do. wink.gif

I would be focusing on why he took it. Was it lego from school or from another child?
Does he like to have things in his pockets to fiddle with? Does he need a small toy to have when he has no one to play with in the school playground? Find the reason for why he had it, and replace it with something that's acceptable for him to have.

It could be that he placed them in his shorts pocket during playtime and he didn't intend to bring it home, but forgot about them and accidentally brought them home and was then going to bring them back. (ie maybe they were making stuff and he wanted to use these bits, but didn't need them yet, so placed them in his pocket, then forgot about them and realised at home he still had them - so he put them in his bag with the intention of returning them.)

Social stories are also a good idea.

#4 baddmammajamma

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:48 AM

Damn computer ate my edit! mad.gif

I echo what frizzle has suggested. I wouldn't push any further with the punishment under the circumstances you've described. I think Zombie Mum raises some great points as well -- undesirable behavior should be met with natural consequences, rather than something totally unrelated (taking canteen money to "punish" for taking Lego -- that's confusing!)

Social stories can be very valuable in setting expectations (for use in new situations) or reminding childen of what should be done as a matter of routine (spelling out what things need to happen when arriving/unpacking at school). If you pop over to the SNs board, I'm sure several of us there could go into greater detail about things that have worked well with school aged kids.

In terms of classroom behavior management, what has worked very well for our daughter (this is under the direction of our psychologist, who is also a board certified behavioral analyst) is developing a simple sheet of performance expectations at school (3 or 4 core things). She has had a hand in the drafting to enforce the notion of ownership.

If she demonstrates good behavior (asking my teacher for help when I have a question or am upset / using my brain to try new things / listening to my teacher / etc.), then she gets a small token for that period. If she collects X tokers/stickers, then she earns 10 minutes toward the end of the day to do creative writing, which is her passion.

A key success factor is that the rewards for good behavior at school be tied to school and that they be somewhat immediate (rather than "If you are good all week, I'll take you to the Lego museum.")

When kids have obsessions, it actually gives you an opportunity to leverage their "currency." I imagine with a little thoughtful consideration, you & your son's teacher could come up with something that helps reinforce general "good citizen" rules and also helps motivate your son.

Are you working with a psychologist or behavioral specialist at present? If not, I would strongly suggest that you get a pro on your side who can help you anticipate challenging episodes and give you some guidance on how to address them.

Edited by baddmammajamma, 05 February 2013 - 09:55 AM.


#5 Bob-the-skull

Posted 05 February 2013 - 10:11 AM

I can't be sure, and I know ds1 won't talk about it, but he most likely took the pieces because we don't have those ones. It wasn't a mistake as ds1 wouldn't think to put it in his bag to take back and we have had mistakes like that over the years and he knows that he doesn't get in trouble for that, he just has to apologise to the teacher (eg sorry Ms x I accidently left this in my pocket).

the canteen money was a random treat and not routine, but he knows that bad behaviour doesn't get treats so I didn't feel I could give it to him without saying what he did was ok.

This is a very new diagnosis for us so I don't really know much about the social stories in truth, we have never had a problem like this as ds1 can be obsessive about rules, although thinking about it his meltdown and extreme reaction may have something to do with that as he knows people that steal get in trouble from the police (his favorite Lego sets are the city ones and in particular the police/robbers ones)

#6 Bob-the-skull

Posted 05 February 2013 - 10:12 AM

oh I should add I didn't go overboard with the money thing, I was already holding what he hadn't dropped so I just said he could have it another day

#7 frizzle

Posted 05 February 2013 - 10:23 AM

It sounds like you did your best and it was all ok so I wouldn't worry. Are you able to access some psych services? You can use Medicare mental health plan and you are also entitled to 20 specialist appointments until he is a teenager, I can't remember the exact number or age sorry. I really think its vital to have a good psych on your team. Our old one left the clinic we used and we have had a terrible time finding a good one, but have just found one right near where we live and close to school, it's such a relief, they work on these exact issues with you and his teachers. I couldn't do it without ours.

#8 i-candi

Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:29 PM

A child with Autism needs social stories, constancy and understanding.

If it happens again do exactly as you have done, again and again and again.

#9 unicycle

Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:37 PM

Hi! I really struggle with being creative enough to figure a natural consequence in advance, let alone on the spot. Can people suggest a range of natural consequences for the OP's particular situation as related to us  so I can get an idea how it would work?
Thanks




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about ovulation tests

Most people who are trying to get pregnant know that the best time to conceive is in the few days after ovulation.

Surviving a miscarriage at sea

A cruise with your family is among the most absurd settings for a miscarriage, but it is certainly not the worst.

Mum of three denied tubal ligation because she's 'too young'

A 22-year-old woman who is pregnant with her third child has had her requests for a tubal ligation denied because doctors believe she is too young.

Slapped cheek syndrome a danger for pregnant women

When a pregnant woman is infected, the likelihood that her foetus will be infected is about 50 per cent.

The signs and symptoms of ovulation

If you're hoping to conceive, one of the most important things you need to know about is ovulation.

We all know 'mum guilt' - but what about 'dad guilt'?

I remember the first time I felt mum guilt, within days of having my first child. The feeling was so intense I rang my own mum to debrief, hoping she'd tell me I wouldn't feel this way very often.

Kristen Bell urges mums to be their own superhero

When it comes to motherhood, actress Kristen Bell is her own superhero and she thinks other mums should be too.

Pram review: GB Pockit travel stroller

In a world of ever-shrinking gadgets, it's no surprise prams are getting smaller. We put the record-holding GB Pockit through its paces.

The beautiful Bombol Bouncer is back

The gorgeous Bombol Bouncer is back - and boasts two chic new colours to boot.

Gadgets and accessories for wine lovers

Looking for a gift for the wine lover in your life - or just something for yourself?

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The adventure doesn't have to stop: here's how to travel with baby

The best part about our outdoor adventures? It makes my husband and I better parents, since we're happier while adventuring.

Woman crashes car to save mum and baby's life

A good samaritan saved a mother and baby from being seriously injured by crashing her own car into theirs.

Should you tell your boss about your postnatal depression?

Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting, and when you're experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety it can seem even more overwhelming.

TV noise can slow toddler word learning, study finds

Background noise from the radio or TV might be making it harder for your toddler to learn learn new words.

Teresa Palmer on her molar pregnancy and 'unsexy' conception

Teresa Palmer is basking in pregnancy glow as she awaits the arrival of her new baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.