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Beyond normal sexual curiousity


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#1 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:06 AM

I have two sons that are 5 and 7. And I have a 6 month old daughter to my partner who also has a 5 year old son from a previous relationship.

My two sons have no interest in my daughter being a girl other than to note her lack of doodle the first time they saw me changing her nappy. My partner's son pushes past to get up close to her bottom end every time she is being changed, is constantly grabbing my boys on the bottom, other children and even adults. And I've heard him twice beg two different adults to smack him saying it'll be fun.

This concerns me because when I first met my partner he admitted that his son had been part of a sexual cycle involving his ex wife's two children. He implied it wasn't terribly serious but that he knew that something had occurred on at least one occasion.

I've even caught his son creeping around to watch me get dressed.

I know that little boys will be curious and can do silly little things but I'm concerned that this cycle of abuse will continue and affect my children. The poor boy doesn't know that he's being inappropriate and he doesn't understand what he's been subjected to.

The worst my kids have done is the middle one flashed himself at kids one day thinking he was being funny. He got quite the talking to and it's never happened again.

I can't let this go. What should I do?

#2 ILFC

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:19 AM

Get him help now. Ring tomorrow and get him into pysch and don't take no for an answer from your partner. Also, has this situation been sorted with the other children, asin who got to them? Has it been reported?

#3 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:26 AM

QUOTE (ILFC @ 05/02/2013, 01:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Get him help now. Ring tomorrow and get him into pysch and don't take no for an answer from your partner. Also, has this situation been sorted with the other children, asin who got to them? Has it been reported?


My partner and I look to be separating because I wouldn't drop it so I don't have much power other than to refuse to let my daughter go unsupervised until this had been suitably addressed. He seems to think his son is perfect and refuses to admit that there could be an issue that needs to be looked at quite seriously.

I don't know if child services were ever contacted over the things that happened with his ex wife's children. Apparently there was a lot of physical violence and unfortunately I know that the boy's home life with his mother isn't anything near what it should be. In saying that my partner has never done anything about it either.

I'm scared he will fight me for custody, and when he has my daughter something will happen with his son because he won't acknowledge that this is huge

#4 ILFC

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:40 AM

Report your suspicions anonymously to dcp and seek legal advice tomorrow. Be on the front foot in regards to your daughter and an advocate for this little boy. Sounds like he has an awful little life with the mother.


#5 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:11 AM

QUOTE (ILFC @ 05/02/2013, 01:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Report your suspicions anonymously to dcp and seek legal advice tomorrow. Be on the front foot in regards to your daughter and an advocate for this little boy. Sounds like he has an awful little life with the mother.


I've been on the phone to dcp and the woman I spoke to said she is concerned about what is going on in the boy's mother's house and said she thinks for the time being it is safer to not allow contact where he and my daughter are together without me supervising as my now ex won't recognize that these are the warning signs.

I called legal aid and she recommended that I not let him take her out of my care in case he doesn't return her as he could legally do so. And that I shouldn't allow him to come to my house while he was being so intimidating and aggressive toward me.

This is going to get so messy.

But the worst of it is that I can't even just grieve the loss of my love. I have to do all of these other terribly hard things instead sad.gif

#6 MrsLexiK

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:37 AM

OP I saw this in active topics.  I am sorry your ex's son is going through this and I am sorry he doesn't seem to have a parent (other then yourself) to help him and this has meant you have had to leave your partner.  By leaving your ex you may be able to get his son the help that he needs through dcp and also not allowing your daughter to be there unsupervised.

#7 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:44 AM

QUOTE (MrsLexiK @ 05/02/2013, 09:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP I saw this in active topics.  I am sorry your ex's son is going through this and I am sorry he doesn't seem to have a parent (other then yourself) to help him and this has meant you have had to leave your partner.  By leaving your ex you may be able to get his son the help that he needs through dcp and also not allowing your daughter to be there unsupervised.


You're right. I hope that outcome can be the good that comes out of this horrible situation

#8 opethmum

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:56 AM

It will get messy and I think that you are doing the right thing here. If this is not addressed he will become a very angry young man and very destructive because the adults mainly his parents do not give a flying feck about him and what he has been through and more concerned about keeping up appearances and too busy and self absorbed to care about this.

I would get your daughter away from them and you have a duty to her to keep her away from harm and if that is away from her father and his lazy attitude towards sexual abuse then so be it.

I would also involve the police and get this on record and investigated properly and fully because this should not be swept under the carpet.

I know it is unfair that you can't grieve for the loss of your relationship but trust what you are doing could cost you more. There will be time for that but that time is not now unfortunately.

Good luck and if you can I would also seek counselling for yourself to help you deal with this as well so you can move on and have clarity of thought.



#9 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:48 AM

QUOTE (opethmum @ 05/02/2013, 09:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It will get messy and I think that you are doing the right thing here. If this is not addressed he will become a very angry young man and very destructive because the adults mainly his parents do not give a flying feck about him and what he has been through and more concerned about keeping up appearances and too busy and self absorbed to care about this.

I would get your daughter away from them and you have a duty to her to keep her away from harm and if that is away from her father and his lazy attitude towards sexual abuse then so be it.

I would also involve the police and get this on record and investigated properly and fully because this should not be swept under the carpet.

I know it is unfair that you can't grieve for the loss of your relationship but trust what you are doing could cost you more. There will be time for that but that time is not now unfortunately.

Good luck and if you can I would also seek counselling for yourself to help you deal with this as well so you can move on and have clarity of thought.


Thank you for your lovely supportive message. I've been on the phone to legal aid and child services today and I have all the numbers for mediation when I'm ready to go down that road. Right now though, you are right. I have to keep my little girl here. If something happened to her through his neglect or through his son's actions I would just die. Fast forward a year please. I feel broken sad.gif

#10 Cat People

Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:55 AM

Gosh how awful OP.  I'd be so worried too.  I feel for the little boy too.  I hope he - and the parents - get some help.

#11 Holidayromp

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:01 PM

Also make sure you have it documented for supervised visits with your ex to your daughter.  He must never be allowed to take her un-supervised because who knows what will happen.

Good luck you must remember what you are doing is right.

#12 veggiepatchfamily

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:18 PM

I know everyone has said be careful with him around your little girl- but I wish to point out also be careful with your boys.
A sexual nature at such a young age may not be opposite gender specific.
I am sorry you are having to deal with such an unfortunate situation.

#13 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:19 PM

QUOTE (Holidayromp @ 05/02/2013, 12:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also make sure you have it documented for supervised visits with your ex to your daughter.  He must never be allowed to take her un-supervised because who knows what will happen.

Good luck you must remember what you are doing is right.


Thank you. I've really needed to hear this. He has been abusing me non stop telling me how horrible I am for not letting him come to my house or take the little girl by himself. I just need a few days before I can even think about booking mediation. I'll spend the entire time sobbing hysterically and not get anywhere!

#14 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:21 PM

QUOTE (veggiepatchfamily @ 05/02/2013, 12:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know everyone has said be careful with him around your little girl- but I wish to point out also be careful with your boys.
A sexual nature at such a young age may not be opposite gender specific.
I am sorry you are having to deal with such an unfortunate situation.


Very good point. There have been a couple of times I've been a little concerned over the last few years but nothing serious or damaging thankfully.

#15 FeralFemboside

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:25 PM

I just wanted to comment and say I think you are treating this with exactly the amount of serious concern it warrants. I'm just sorry that it's coming at a terrible cost to you and your family. But as with comments from PPs, the attitude displayed by your daughter's father is EXTREMELY concerning.

What an utterly horrible situation for all those children. Good on you for being the person willing to step up (hard enough to do when people are strangers - even harder when it affects you directly) and I hope they get the help they need and a better future as a result.

#16 Mummy Em

Posted 11 February 2013 - 12:27 PM

I'm so sorry about your relationship 4ngiebella. What a great parent and advocate you are. Stay strong.




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