Jump to content

Beyond normal sexual curiousity


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:06 AM

I have two sons that are 5 and 7. And I have a 6 month old daughter to my partner who also has a 5 year old son from a previous relationship.

My two sons have no interest in my daughter being a girl other than to note her lack of doodle the first time they saw me changing her nappy. My partner's son pushes past to get up close to her bottom end every time she is being changed, is constantly grabbing my boys on the bottom, other children and even adults. And I've heard him twice beg two different adults to smack him saying it'll be fun.

This concerns me because when I first met my partner he admitted that his son had been part of a sexual cycle involving his ex wife's two children. He implied it wasn't terribly serious but that he knew that something had occurred on at least one occasion.

I've even caught his son creeping around to watch me get dressed.

I know that little boys will be curious and can do silly little things but I'm concerned that this cycle of abuse will continue and affect my children. The poor boy doesn't know that he's being inappropriate and he doesn't understand what he's been subjected to.

The worst my kids have done is the middle one flashed himself at kids one day thinking he was being funny. He got quite the talking to and it's never happened again.

I can't let this go. What should I do?

#2 ILFC

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:19 AM

Get him help now. Ring tomorrow and get him into pysch and don't take no for an answer from your partner. Also, has this situation been sorted with the other children, asin who got to them? Has it been reported?

#3 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:26 AM

QUOTE (ILFC @ 05/02/2013, 01:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Get him help now. Ring tomorrow and get him into pysch and don't take no for an answer from your partner. Also, has this situation been sorted with the other children, asin who got to them? Has it been reported?


My partner and I look to be separating because I wouldn't drop it so I don't have much power other than to refuse to let my daughter go unsupervised until this had been suitably addressed. He seems to think his son is perfect and refuses to admit that there could be an issue that needs to be looked at quite seriously.

I don't know if child services were ever contacted over the things that happened with his ex wife's children. Apparently there was a lot of physical violence and unfortunately I know that the boy's home life with his mother isn't anything near what it should be. In saying that my partner has never done anything about it either.

I'm scared he will fight me for custody, and when he has my daughter something will happen with his son because he won't acknowledge that this is huge

#4 ILFC

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:40 AM

Report your suspicions anonymously to dcp and seek legal advice tomorrow. Be on the front foot in regards to your daughter and an advocate for this little boy. Sounds like he has an awful little life with the mother.


#5 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:11 AM

QUOTE (ILFC @ 05/02/2013, 01:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Report your suspicions anonymously to dcp and seek legal advice tomorrow. Be on the front foot in regards to your daughter and an advocate for this little boy. Sounds like he has an awful little life with the mother.


I've been on the phone to dcp and the woman I spoke to said she is concerned about what is going on in the boy's mother's house and said she thinks for the time being it is safer to not allow contact where he and my daughter are together without me supervising as my now ex won't recognize that these are the warning signs.

I called legal aid and she recommended that I not let him take her out of my care in case he doesn't return her as he could legally do so. And that I shouldn't allow him to come to my house while he was being so intimidating and aggressive toward me.

This is going to get so messy.

But the worst of it is that I can't even just grieve the loss of my love. I have to do all of these other terribly hard things instead sad.gif

#6 MrsLexiK

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:37 AM

OP I saw this in active topics.  I am sorry your ex's son is going through this and I am sorry he doesn't seem to have a parent (other then yourself) to help him and this has meant you have had to leave your partner.  By leaving your ex you may be able to get his son the help that he needs through dcp and also not allowing your daughter to be there unsupervised.

#7 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:44 AM

QUOTE (MrsLexiK @ 05/02/2013, 09:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP I saw this in active topics.  I am sorry your ex's son is going through this and I am sorry he doesn't seem to have a parent (other then yourself) to help him and this has meant you have had to leave your partner.  By leaving your ex you may be able to get his son the help that he needs through dcp and also not allowing your daughter to be there unsupervised.


You're right. I hope that outcome can be the good that comes out of this horrible situation

#8 opethmum

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:56 AM

It will get messy and I think that you are doing the right thing here. If this is not addressed he will become a very angry young man and very destructive because the adults mainly his parents do not give a flying feck about him and what he has been through and more concerned about keeping up appearances and too busy and self absorbed to care about this.

I would get your daughter away from them and you have a duty to her to keep her away from harm and if that is away from her father and his lazy attitude towards sexual abuse then so be it.

I would also involve the police and get this on record and investigated properly and fully because this should not be swept under the carpet.

I know it is unfair that you can't grieve for the loss of your relationship but trust what you are doing could cost you more. There will be time for that but that time is not now unfortunately.

Good luck and if you can I would also seek counselling for yourself to help you deal with this as well so you can move on and have clarity of thought.



#9 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:48 AM

QUOTE (opethmum @ 05/02/2013, 09:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It will get messy and I think that you are doing the right thing here. If this is not addressed he will become a very angry young man and very destructive because the adults mainly his parents do not give a flying feck about him and what he has been through and more concerned about keeping up appearances and too busy and self absorbed to care about this.

I would get your daughter away from them and you have a duty to her to keep her away from harm and if that is away from her father and his lazy attitude towards sexual abuse then so be it.

I would also involve the police and get this on record and investigated properly and fully because this should not be swept under the carpet.

I know it is unfair that you can't grieve for the loss of your relationship but trust what you are doing could cost you more. There will be time for that but that time is not now unfortunately.

Good luck and if you can I would also seek counselling for yourself to help you deal with this as well so you can move on and have clarity of thought.


Thank you for your lovely supportive message. I've been on the phone to legal aid and child services today and I have all the numbers for mediation when I'm ready to go down that road. Right now though, you are right. I have to keep my little girl here. If something happened to her through his neglect or through his son's actions I would just die. Fast forward a year please. I feel broken sad.gif

#10 Holidayromp

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:01 PM

Also make sure you have it documented for supervised visits with your ex to your daughter.  He must never be allowed to take her un-supervised because who knows what will happen.

Good luck you must remember what you are doing is right.

#11 veggiepatchfamily

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:18 PM

I know everyone has said be careful with him around your little girl- but I wish to point out also be careful with your boys.
A sexual nature at such a young age may not be opposite gender specific.
I am sorry you are having to deal with such an unfortunate situation.

#12 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:19 PM

QUOTE (Holidayromp @ 05/02/2013, 12:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also make sure you have it documented for supervised visits with your ex to your daughter.  He must never be allowed to take her un-supervised because who knows what will happen.

Good luck you must remember what you are doing is right.


Thank you. I've really needed to hear this. He has been abusing me non stop telling me how horrible I am for not letting him come to my house or take the little girl by himself. I just need a few days before I can even think about booking mediation. I'll spend the entire time sobbing hysterically and not get anywhere!

#13 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:21 PM

QUOTE (veggiepatchfamily @ 05/02/2013, 12:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know everyone has said be careful with him around your little girl- but I wish to point out also be careful with your boys.
A sexual nature at such a young age may not be opposite gender specific.
I am sorry you are having to deal with such an unfortunate situation.


Very good point. There have been a couple of times I've been a little concerned over the last few years but nothing serious or damaging thankfully.

#14 FeralFemboside

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:25 PM

I just wanted to comment and say I think you are treating this with exactly the amount of serious concern it warrants. I'm just sorry that it's coming at a terrible cost to you and your family. But as with comments from PPs, the attitude displayed by your daughter's father is EXTREMELY concerning.

What an utterly horrible situation for all those children. Good on you for being the person willing to step up (hard enough to do when people are strangers - even harder when it affects you directly) and I hope they get the help they need and a better future as a result.

#15 Mummy Em

Posted 11 February 2013 - 12:27 PM

I'm so sorry about your relationship 4ngiebella. What a great parent and advocate you are. Stay strong.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Public welcome outside church for Princess Charlotte's christening

Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have invited well-wishers to see Princess Charlotte outside church in Sandringham on day of her baptism.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Channel 10's Sarah Harris expecting first child

The Studio host Sarah Harris doesn't mind if her first baby is a boy or girl, but she does hope it is born with one thing in particular.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.