Jump to content

Beyond normal sexual curiousity


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:06 AM

I have two sons that are 5 and 7. And I have a 6 month old daughter to my partner who also has a 5 year old son from a previous relationship.

My two sons have no interest in my daughter being a girl other than to note her lack of doodle the first time they saw me changing her nappy. My partner's son pushes past to get up close to her bottom end every time she is being changed, is constantly grabbing my boys on the bottom, other children and even adults. And I've heard him twice beg two different adults to smack him saying it'll be fun.

This concerns me because when I first met my partner he admitted that his son had been part of a sexual cycle involving his ex wife's two children. He implied it wasn't terribly serious but that he knew that something had occurred on at least one occasion.

I've even caught his son creeping around to watch me get dressed.

I know that little boys will be curious and can do silly little things but I'm concerned that this cycle of abuse will continue and affect my children. The poor boy doesn't know that he's being inappropriate and he doesn't understand what he's been subjected to.

The worst my kids have done is the middle one flashed himself at kids one day thinking he was being funny. He got quite the talking to and it's never happened again.

I can't let this go. What should I do?

#2 ILFC

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:19 AM

Get him help now. Ring tomorrow and get him into pysch and don't take no for an answer from your partner. Also, has this situation been sorted with the other children, asin who got to them? Has it been reported?

#3 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:26 AM

QUOTE (ILFC @ 05/02/2013, 01:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Get him help now. Ring tomorrow and get him into pysch and don't take no for an answer from your partner. Also, has this situation been sorted with the other children, asin who got to them? Has it been reported?


My partner and I look to be separating because I wouldn't drop it so I don't have much power other than to refuse to let my daughter go unsupervised until this had been suitably addressed. He seems to think his son is perfect and refuses to admit that there could be an issue that needs to be looked at quite seriously.

I don't know if child services were ever contacted over the things that happened with his ex wife's children. Apparently there was a lot of physical violence and unfortunately I know that the boy's home life with his mother isn't anything near what it should be. In saying that my partner has never done anything about it either.

I'm scared he will fight me for custody, and when he has my daughter something will happen with his son because he won't acknowledge that this is huge

#4 ILFC

Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:40 AM

Report your suspicions anonymously to dcp and seek legal advice tomorrow. Be on the front foot in regards to your daughter and an advocate for this little boy. Sounds like he has an awful little life with the mother.


#5 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:11 AM

QUOTE (ILFC @ 05/02/2013, 01:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Report your suspicions anonymously to dcp and seek legal advice tomorrow. Be on the front foot in regards to your daughter and an advocate for this little boy. Sounds like he has an awful little life with the mother.


I've been on the phone to dcp and the woman I spoke to said she is concerned about what is going on in the boy's mother's house and said she thinks for the time being it is safer to not allow contact where he and my daughter are together without me supervising as my now ex won't recognize that these are the warning signs.

I called legal aid and she recommended that I not let him take her out of my care in case he doesn't return her as he could legally do so. And that I shouldn't allow him to come to my house while he was being so intimidating and aggressive toward me.

This is going to get so messy.

But the worst of it is that I can't even just grieve the loss of my love. I have to do all of these other terribly hard things instead sad.gif

#6 MrsLexiK

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:37 AM

OP I saw this in active topics.  I am sorry your ex's son is going through this and I am sorry he doesn't seem to have a parent (other then yourself) to help him and this has meant you have had to leave your partner.  By leaving your ex you may be able to get his son the help that he needs through dcp and also not allowing your daughter to be there unsupervised.

#7 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:44 AM

QUOTE (MrsLexiK @ 05/02/2013, 09:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP I saw this in active topics.  I am sorry your ex's son is going through this and I am sorry he doesn't seem to have a parent (other then yourself) to help him and this has meant you have had to leave your partner.  By leaving your ex you may be able to get his son the help that he needs through dcp and also not allowing your daughter to be there unsupervised.


You're right. I hope that outcome can be the good that comes out of this horrible situation

#8 opethmum

Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:56 AM

It will get messy and I think that you are doing the right thing here. If this is not addressed he will become a very angry young man and very destructive because the adults mainly his parents do not give a flying feck about him and what he has been through and more concerned about keeping up appearances and too busy and self absorbed to care about this.

I would get your daughter away from them and you have a duty to her to keep her away from harm and if that is away from her father and his lazy attitude towards sexual abuse then so be it.

I would also involve the police and get this on record and investigated properly and fully because this should not be swept under the carpet.

I know it is unfair that you can't grieve for the loss of your relationship but trust what you are doing could cost you more. There will be time for that but that time is not now unfortunately.

Good luck and if you can I would also seek counselling for yourself to help you deal with this as well so you can move on and have clarity of thought.



#9 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:48 AM

QUOTE (opethmum @ 05/02/2013, 09:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It will get messy and I think that you are doing the right thing here. If this is not addressed he will become a very angry young man and very destructive because the adults mainly his parents do not give a flying feck about him and what he has been through and more concerned about keeping up appearances and too busy and self absorbed to care about this.

I would get your daughter away from them and you have a duty to her to keep her away from harm and if that is away from her father and his lazy attitude towards sexual abuse then so be it.

I would also involve the police and get this on record and investigated properly and fully because this should not be swept under the carpet.

I know it is unfair that you can't grieve for the loss of your relationship but trust what you are doing could cost you more. There will be time for that but that time is not now unfortunately.

Good luck and if you can I would also seek counselling for yourself to help you deal with this as well so you can move on and have clarity of thought.


Thank you for your lovely supportive message. I've been on the phone to legal aid and child services today and I have all the numbers for mediation when I'm ready to go down that road. Right now though, you are right. I have to keep my little girl here. If something happened to her through his neglect or through his son's actions I would just die. Fast forward a year please. I feel broken sad.gif

#10 Great Dame

Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:55 AM

Gosh how awful OP.  I'd be so worried too.  I feel for the little boy too.  I hope he - and the parents - get some help.

#11 Holidayromp

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:01 PM

Also make sure you have it documented for supervised visits with your ex to your daughter.  He must never be allowed to take her un-supervised because who knows what will happen.

Good luck you must remember what you are doing is right.

#12 veggiepatchfamily

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:18 PM

I know everyone has said be careful with him around your little girl- but I wish to point out also be careful with your boys.
A sexual nature at such a young age may not be opposite gender specific.
I am sorry you are having to deal with such an unfortunate situation.

#13 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:19 PM

QUOTE (Holidayromp @ 05/02/2013, 12:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also make sure you have it documented for supervised visits with your ex to your daughter.  He must never be allowed to take her un-supervised because who knows what will happen.

Good luck you must remember what you are doing is right.


Thank you. I've really needed to hear this. He has been abusing me non stop telling me how horrible I am for not letting him come to my house or take the little girl by himself. I just need a few days before I can even think about booking mediation. I'll spend the entire time sobbing hysterically and not get anywhere!

#14 4ngiebella

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:21 PM

QUOTE (veggiepatchfamily @ 05/02/2013, 12:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know everyone has said be careful with him around your little girl- but I wish to point out also be careful with your boys.
A sexual nature at such a young age may not be opposite gender specific.
I am sorry you are having to deal with such an unfortunate situation.


Very good point. There have been a couple of times I've been a little concerned over the last few years but nothing serious or damaging thankfully.

#15 Femboside

Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:25 PM

I just wanted to comment and say I think you are treating this with exactly the amount of serious concern it warrants. I'm just sorry that it's coming at a terrible cost to you and your family. But as with comments from PPs, the attitude displayed by your daughter's father is EXTREMELY concerning.

What an utterly horrible situation for all those children. Good on you for being the person willing to step up (hard enough to do when people are strangers - even harder when it affects you directly) and I hope they get the help they need and a better future as a result.

#16 Mummy Em

Posted 11 February 2013 - 12:27 PM

I'm so sorry about your relationship 4ngiebella. What a great parent and advocate you are. Stay strong.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Britain's youngest parents: mother 12, father 13

A 12-year-old schoolgirl and her 13-year-old boyfriend are believed to have become Britain?s youngest parents, after the birth of their baby girl earlier this week.

When Prince George met Bilby George

Prince George has met an Aussie marsupial named after him in his first official engagement in Australia.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Pregnant woman dies after doctor removes ovary instead of appendix

When a UK woman went to hospital suffering appendicitis, doctors mistakenly removed her healthy ovary - with tragic consequences.

The milestones I can't wait to celebrate

Nothing can beat the feeling of witnessing that first smile, first step and first word - but here's a list of 'firsts' I'm really looking forward to now.

How you develop in your baby's first year

Just as babies undergo rapid growth as they learn and change in their first year, we?re learning and changing quickly as parents, too. Don?t underestimate the developmental stages you go through when you have a baby.

Can you make your baby smarter even before birth?

A product new to Australia claims to help babies be born "as intelligent as possible", but not all experts agree on the benefits of educating babies while still in the womb.

How a mother's love helped unearth the skills of an autistic savant

Autistic savant Ping Lian Yeak, a prodigious artist who has had his work shown all over the world, couldn't have done it without the support and love of his proud mum.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

A tiny heart: a baby?s death gives life to another

Simon Alexander Garcia lived only one brief hour. But somewhere, a little girl?s heart is beating today because of him.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Why is childbirth still such a pain?

The options given to women to help them cope in labour have barely changed in years.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Ideas for recording baby milestones

Get the props, lights and camera ready to record the milestone moments in your baby's first months and years. Tip: set a reminder in your phone (or jot it in a calendar) to make sure you remember it every month.

From penis amputation to fatherhood

After a botched circumcision as a child, Mike Moore was left without a penis. Years later, and after meeting the right surgeon, he was able to become a dad - naturally.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Your baby's first shoes, made with your own hands

Imagine someone saying to you, "Your baby?s shoes are magnificent, where?d you get them?" And you reply, "Oh, these? I made them."

Mother bites off pit bull's ear to save toddler

What would you do if your child was being attacked by a vicious dog? One mother recently had to learn the hard way.

Couple dies 15 hours apart after 70 years of marriage

A couple who held hands at breakfast every morning even after 70 years of marriage have died 15 hours apart.

Behind the scenes of Kate and George's cuddly photo

Every face is partially obscured, but there's no denying the happiness and love in the faces of the royal mum and bub.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Your baby?s developmental roadmap

Caring for your new baby can feel like driving along a dark highway without a GPS: you know your destination ? a happy, healthy human being ? but you?re not sure whether you?re heading in the right direction.

Breaking out of the isolation of motherhood

There can be many reasons for mummy isolation ? and you don?t have to be a new mother to feel like you're often doing it all alone. Here, mums share their stories of feeling isolated, and what they do to try to break out of it.

The billionaire baby with $10,000 worth of prams

When money is no object you can go all out when it comes to baby transportation, as this billionaire socialite has shown.

Medication helps depressed mums to breastfeed

Breastfeeding mums are often told their medication may pass into their milk, but a new study suggests the benefits of taking antidepressants are greater than any risks to baby.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.