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Is this rude?

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23 replies to this topic

#1 zande

Posted 03 February 2013 - 04:26 PM


Edited by zande, 04 February 2013 - 04:42 PM.

#2 Stellajoy

Posted 03 February 2013 - 04:28 PM

So so so rude!

#3 FeralHez

Posted 03 February 2013 - 04:32 PM

Little bit rude,I might have said "oh I didn't get that message", but not fair of them to insist you keep it free then not tell you when they change their minds.

Hopefully they get over it.

Little bit rude,I might have said "oh I didn't get that message", but not fair of them to insist you keep it free then not tell you when they change their minds.

Hopefully they get over it.

#4 bubble-o

Posted 03 February 2013 - 04:32 PM

Definitely rude of her. You had every right to gently remind her that some common courtesy wouldn't have gone amiss if her plans had changed. It's a no-brainer that people have really busy lives and weekends.

Stick to your guns on this one. I'd be majorly pi**ed if someone stole one of my precious weekend days like that.

#5 Zesty

Posted 03 February 2013 - 04:35 PM

Definitely not cool. I would be annoyed in your situation as well.

#6 BadCat

Posted 03 February 2013 - 04:36 PM

Yes, she was rude.

#7 esme weatherwax

Posted 03 February 2013 - 04:39 PM

They are totally in the wrong on this one - can't believe they didn't even bother to tell people they'd changed plans. So, so rude.

#8 elizabethany

Posted 03 February 2013 - 06:53 PM

She may have just forgotten to let you know about the change of date, and while it is not rude to send a "we wern't told" sms, if you used similar wording to what is in the OP, then the wording was rude.  A simple "thanks for letting us know, and please let us know when you have more details" would have been suffiecient.

#9 MGB

Posted 03 February 2013 - 06:56 PM

I think she was rude.

#10 luke's mummu

Posted 03 February 2013 - 07:01 PM

Yes she was rude, but you were probably a bit too.

I had a friend for ages say "keep my 40th birthday weekend free, I am planning a big weekend away". So I did. Never heard anything from her. Checked with several mutual friends - no, no-one got invited away and as far as we know she didn't do anything.

#11 maryanneK

Posted 03 February 2013 - 07:02 PM

they were rude, definitely. but I don't think you needed to send that message back, that was pretty nasty too. Who knows what's going on in their life, they might have just forgotten who they had told about the 'save the date'.  If I hadn't heard anything so close to the event I'd be calling them for more details.
For me personally, I wouldn't re-organise my whole life like that without contacting them first maybe 2-3 weeks out and asking if they still needed me to save the date. A save the date has to be either 'definite' - like for an interstate wedding or something, when you know its just the fine details to follow. otherwise I'd see it as more of a 'heads up' that they might be thinking of doing something, unless I heard confirmation of a definite event with at least a few weeks notice.
annoying for sure but i wouldnt start a family fight over it!

#12 Therese

Posted 03 February 2013 - 07:03 PM

I think she was rude too but I probably wouldn't have said anything to them. I would however have complained to my husband about it instead.

#13 Oriental lily

Posted 03 February 2013 - 07:06 PM

Rude is probably a bit to harsh.

#14 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 07:11 PM

She was inconsiderate, and that can be rude.  As for your rudeness, unless you were really nasty in your reply to her I think you were well within the confines of politeness by expressing your disappointment at not having been notified.

#15 honeylulu

Posted 03 February 2013 - 07:18 PM

I think your relative was being rude or, at best, very inconsiderate. I don't think your text was rude, just honest, and the sort of text I wish I could send rather than internally fuming over similar events.

#16 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 07:57 PM

I have a rude question that's so not related to this post but kind of is that I shall start a new thread about it.

#17 MsFeralPerthFembo

Posted 03 February 2013 - 08:00 PM

Yes I think she was inconsiderate and rude but depending on how you worded your text back I think you may have been a bit rude too though.

#18 namie

Posted 03 February 2013 - 09:13 PM

I think she was rude and inconsiderate.

I don't think your reply was rude given you said she is rather like this all the time. If it was a one off from a lovely friend then your text would've been rude, but if she was that type of person you wouldn't have phrased it the way you did!

#19 strawberrycakes

Posted 04 February 2013 - 08:08 AM

I think it was rather inconsiderate of the person to not tell you that no plans were going ahead for the 'save the date' but tbh if I hadn't heard back from them with more details atleast 2 weeks before the initial 'save the date' I would have just asumed that nothing was going on.  

I probably wouldn't have sent that text but a week prior would have sent something along the lines of: "hey X, haven't heard anything more about next weekend, am I still saving that date?" then left it at that.

#20 zande

Posted 04 February 2013 - 09:35 AM


Edited by zande, 04 February 2013 - 04:43 PM.

#21 bakesgirls

Posted 04 February 2013 - 09:40 AM

I don't think you were rude at all. I think she was. All you did was respond with a fact and you didn't say anything that was unfair. If she doesn't like it then perhaps a little consideration for others would remedy that situation in the future.

#22 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 04 February 2013 - 09:49 AM

QUOTE (zande @ 04/02/2013, 09:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks all. I am feeling terrible about it now, but seriously it was the last straw with this person (family member). She seems to think, and has done for 10 years now, that her life is the only one that matters and we all have to fit in with what she wants to do. She's never made any effort with my family and I've bent over backwards to be a great SIL, make her feel welcome, want to have a relationship with her kids, despite her never caring about mine. Her text was all about how busy they were, not a real apology that they should have let us know, when I've arranged all my plans for the weekends either side of her date around her date. We've passed up stuff, crammed the other weekends full, and she couldn't even let me know? I know she would have let the other people know (her friends), just not us, the family she doesn't seem to want.

take a deep breath, let it go.  

And just learn for next time.  Make your own plans if she hasn't updated you within a reasonable time frame.  Then you can say, "well after last time, we figured you'd changed your mind again since you hadn't got back to us with any details so we've recently made alternative plans. Sorry, we're busy now."  Simple and polite.

#23 Heather11

Posted 04 February 2013 - 10:40 AM

Not family, but one of the kids sporting activities were meant to be holding an event recently that I had volunteered to help at.

I helped round up other people to help, changed our plans, DH had to cancel something so he could stay home with the kids.  

I rang the organiser to confirm details a few days beforehand  only to be told it was cancelled.  I don't think it had only just been cancelled either.  It seemed like the decision had been made for at least a couple of weeks.

I inquired if they had let the other helpers know.  Nope no one had been informed.  If I hadn't have rung up we would have all turned up for nothing.

Definitely rude and inconsiderate, in your case too.  I don't see anything wrong with you telling them that they could of informed you earlier.

Edited by Heather11, 04 February 2013 - 10:41 AM.

#24 ComradeBob

Posted 04 February 2013 - 10:47 AM

I think she was very rude, especially with the background you've given. Possibly you could have been a bit more tactful, but you know, sometimes you just have to think feckit and let fly laugh.gif

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