Jump to content

Lying to toddlers?


  • Please log in to reply
39 replies to this topic

#1 epl0822

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:27 PM

Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?

#2 Riotproof

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:29 PM

I'm not a fan of bribing, especially when you aren't going to follow through. Surely, to easier to distract and divert with something real. Let's go look at the pond or whatever.

#3 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:31 PM

yikes how old is the kid, my toddler always had a very good memory. I have a lot of friends who used the oh no we can't buy ice-cream now the shop is closed (x a million) While not my personal preference I didn't think it was a huge deal and ignored it when they said it to my kids. I do think saying your going to buy them/give them something is a bad idea though.

#4 bluedragon

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:32 PM

I don't because one day they won't forget 2 mins later!

#5 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

I think is probably a bad habit to start.  There is not a huge window of time when they will forget.

#6 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:35 PM

I also hate the delay ie "maybe we will go soon".  My DH does this drives me bonkers when he has no intention of doing it and it causes so many issues.

#7 CupOfCoffee

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:36 PM

My daughter has always had a brilliant memory, she would never forget.

But I have been known to bribe.  (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).

And I have also been known to lie though... 'oh the Ipad is broken'...  (I know I shouldn't, but sometimes after a day of tantrums I do take the easy way to avoid one more).

I am far from perfect in my parenting.

#8 2 Gorgeous Girls

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

My toddler would never forget...
I do turn the TV off at the wall and say it's broken though. It's just easier some days.

#9 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

Unfortunately my DD would not have forgotten!
I do offer a treat at the end of the shopping trip if we have no tantrums, whinging etc.   I set the expectation before we even get out of the car,  and always follow through.

#10 Feral*Spikey*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

I never lied, because the elephant child always remembered exactly what I said.

She'll make a brilliant interogator one day. ph34r.gif

#11 VeritasVinum

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

QUOTE (epl0822 @ 03/02/2013, 02:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?



With kids who have elephant memories no you don't go there. I always tell DH to NEVER promise something that won't be delivered.


#12 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

I try not too, I think they are pretty clued up and eventually that would come back and bite me.

#13 CallMeFeral

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.
I do occasionally take advantage of bad memory - promise something that I am willing to give if they remember (like telling them they can have the lolly they are asking for before bed, when they wake up), but then not remind them when they wake, but give it if they ask.

I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!


#14 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I don't lie in terms of promising something and not delivering, but I do lie in order to simplify.  

Eg. the iPad is tired and needs a sleep (when it needs recharging).

I also lie a lot about not being able to find things.  "I don't know where the paint is, so we can't do painting" when I know full well I have hidden the paint in the laundry.

#15 JJ

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I'm another one whose kids had elephant memories, so (apart from the fact that I'm a very bad liar and don't like doing it) it wasn't something I could do. I also agree that it's not a good habit to get into. If you want your kids to be honest with you, you have to model the same behaviour for them.

I try not to use bribes either, but when I was trying to TT DD, who was very reluctant, I bribed her with all sorts of stuff. She pulled me up on it months later when she was TTed - along the lines of "hey, I'm finally going to the toilet - now where are all those rewards you promised me?" (and yes, she got them). It's quite amazing how much they remember, and in how much detail.

So no, I'd say don't go there - if at all possible, find other strategies to avoid tantrums.

Edited by JJ, 03 February 2013 - 01:53 PM.


#16 Ice Queen

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:54 PM

I do lie but, no way, not on getting something and then assuming they will forget.  DD has an elephant memory.  She will ask me the next day.

I do say the shops are closed, the ipad is charging, no, I didnt't forget your lollipop the shop just didnt have any left, something is broken but Daddy will fix it......that kind of thing.

#17 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!

I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

Edited by Lucretia Borgia, 03 February 2013 - 01:58 PM.


#18 RunDMC

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:59 PM

I have been known on occasion to remind DS that the store we are in - Kmart, Coles etc - has a naughty corner.

One day while explaining this to DS a lady unknown to us came up to us and said 'yes your mummy is right, the naughty corner is just over there'. Completely freaked him out, he is always very good in that shop now.

#19 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:03 PM

QUOTE
But I have been known to bribe. (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).


I use this all the time. And I will also say something is broken if its not (if its something I think is not good for them to have).

Also for a year or so DS2 thought he was playing the Wii with DS1 but his controller wasn't plugged in. He was happy, DS1 kept cheering him on and it was all good. original.gif

#20 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:06 PM

QUOTE
I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it...  ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!


LOL I heard of a woman who carries a sachet of salt around to slip into a cup of coke the first time her child asks to try it.

#21 noi'mnot

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:18 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.


I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!



Both of the above apply to our situation. Particularly the inlaws thing, it's just so unhelpful.

My 2 year old remembers promises that I made days ago - if I say we'll buy a particular item next time we're at the supermarket, she'll remember 4 days later. I always buy it though, because I believe in keeping promises.

Of course, I do tell her that we've run out of chocolate/biscuits/blueberries, so maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but I'd prefer not to give them to her every time she asks.

#22 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:35 PM

QUOTE (Lucretia Borgia @ 03/02/2013, 02:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

roll2.gif

#23 BadCat

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

I never really lied much about stuff like that.  Maybe it's because my kids weren't overly prone to chucking tantrums.

When I did lie I never promised them something else instead.  They would always have remembered.  

My sister always used to tell her kids the shopping centre rides were out of order.  I just told my kids no.  Seemed to work, but maybe my kids were just easier than hers.  shrug.gif

#24 Escapin

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:48 PM

My DH can remember as a kid being told that if he was good he could have an icecream, and then NEVER getting the icecream. He still remembers.

So no, I try really hard not to lie to DD.

#25 eachschoolholidays

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

DD has the most incredible memory, from when she could talk.  So I could never make promises in the hope she would forget.

I have definitely been known to say that the $2 ride at the park is broken or that I have let her stay up very, very late tonight when it is in fact 5 mins past her bedtime   laughing2.gif




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How an inquest into one stillbirth is saving lives

A ground-breaking court case that has focused solely on one stillborn baby has already helped to save the lives of other babies.

Get them into reading early with a Nouk book subscription

There's no bonding activity quite like reading to your baby or toddler, and all the signs point to it being important for social and literacy development as well.

I don't want my husband to go on a buck's trip

My husband's best friend is getting married and has planned a men's bachelor party.

The celeb parents who needed a mediator to stop fighting over baby names

Deciding on a baby name can be a fraught experience for many parents.

May Gibbs' 'Gumnut Babies' turns 100 with a special edition, coins, stamps and more

It's time to celebrate the centenary of May Gibbs' very first book release, Gumnut Babies.

African baby names

We have some absolutely gorgeous selections of African baby names for you to consider for your baby.

The mum who retrained to became a plumber

One company refused to give her an apprenticeship because they believed she would be too much of a distraction to the males. 

Meningococcal meningitis: signs, treatment and prevention

What is meningococcal meningitis, why does it occur in seasons, and why does it strike fear into the hearts of so many?

I was scared of the dentist ... and my son paid the price

It was a moment where I could certainly learn from his behaviour, and not him from mine.

Family of toddler killed by alligator at Disney honours his third birthday

The family told supporters that they wanted to celebrate the boy's "first birthday in heaven".

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

7 tips to help you prepare your home for parenthood

Prep your home to make becoming a new parent as stress-free as possible.

Fatherhood to the beat of Daniel's drum

Daniel Gibney knew fatherhood would change him, but he didn't realise it would lead to a global business venture for his family.

A case of gastro and the mummy mean girls

I don't blame any first-time mother who is terrified of her or her baby catching gastro, but it will find you eventually.

Zooey Deschanel's cake smash fail for daughter Elsie

"I kept seeing on the Internet, 'You gotta make a smash cake for your one-year-old,' so I'm like, 'I'm making this cake just so she can smash it.'"

Five things mums should never do

Although I preach the "each to their own" method of parenting, it's unavoidable to have those moments of panic.

Mum allegedly 'groped' while holding toddler in Sydney pool

A mum has told of her horror after she was allegedly sexually assaulted while at a swimming centre with her two young children.

'It whacked me': Michelle Bridges on sleep deprivation and returning to exercise

Michelle Bridges knows a lot about health and fitness, but when she became a mum she had to learn a few lessons the hard way.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Hawaii beachfront resort holiday for two!

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 4 trips for two to Hawaii, staying at Outrigger resorts in Waikiki.

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.