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Lying to toddlers?


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#1 epl0822

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:27 PM

Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?

#2 Riotproof

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:29 PM

I'm not a fan of bribing, especially when you aren't going to follow through. Surely, to easier to distract and divert with something real. Let's go look at the pond or whatever.

#3 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:31 PM

yikes how old is the kid, my toddler always had a very good memory. I have a lot of friends who used the oh no we can't buy ice-cream now the shop is closed (x a million) While not my personal preference I didn't think it was a huge deal and ignored it when they said it to my kids. I do think saying your going to buy them/give them something is a bad idea though.

#4 bluedragon

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:32 PM

I don't because one day they won't forget 2 mins later!

#5 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

I think is probably a bad habit to start.  There is not a huge window of time when they will forget.

#6 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:35 PM

I also hate the delay ie "maybe we will go soon".  My DH does this drives me bonkers when he has no intention of doing it and it causes so many issues.

#7 CupOfCoffee

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:36 PM

My daughter has always had a brilliant memory, she would never forget.

But I have been known to bribe.  (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).

And I have also been known to lie though... 'oh the Ipad is broken'...  (I know I shouldn't, but sometimes after a day of tantrums I do take the easy way to avoid one more).

I am far from perfect in my parenting.

#8 2 Gorgeous Girls

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

My toddler would never forget...
I do turn the TV off at the wall and say it's broken though. It's just easier some days.

#9 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

Unfortunately my DD would not have forgotten!
I do offer a treat at the end of the shopping trip if we have no tantrums, whinging etc.   I set the expectation before we even get out of the car,  and always follow through.

#10 *Spikey*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

I never lied, because the elephant child always remembered exactly what I said.

She'll make a brilliant interogator one day. ph34r.gif

#11 IsolaBella

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

QUOTE (epl0822 @ 03/02/2013, 02:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?



With kids who have elephant memories no you don't go there. I always tell DH to NEVER promise something that won't be delivered.


#12 Mummytoyou

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

I try not too, I think they are pretty clued up and eventually that would come back and bite me.

#13 CallMeProtart

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.
I do occasionally take advantage of bad memory - promise something that I am willing to give if they remember (like telling them they can have the lolly they are asking for before bed, when they wake up), but then not remind them when they wake, but give it if they ask.

I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!


#14 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I don't lie in terms of promising something and not delivering, but I do lie in order to simplify.  

Eg. the iPad is tired and needs a sleep (when it needs recharging).

I also lie a lot about not being able to find things.  "I don't know where the paint is, so we can't do painting" when I know full well I have hidden the paint in the laundry.

#15 JJ

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I'm another one whose kids had elephant memories, so (apart from the fact that I'm a very bad liar and don't like doing it) it wasn't something I could do. I also agree that it's not a good habit to get into. If you want your kids to be honest with you, you have to model the same behaviour for them.

I try not to use bribes either, but when I was trying to TT DD, who was very reluctant, I bribed her with all sorts of stuff. She pulled me up on it months later when she was TTed - along the lines of "hey, I'm finally going to the toilet - now where are all those rewards you promised me?" (and yes, she got them). It's quite amazing how much they remember, and in how much detail.

So no, I'd say don't go there - if at all possible, find other strategies to avoid tantrums.

Edited by JJ, 03 February 2013 - 01:53 PM.


#16 Ehill

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:54 PM

I do lie but, no way, not on getting something and then assuming they will forget.  DD has an elephant memory.  She will ask me the next day.

I do say the shops are closed, the ipad is charging, no, I didnt't forget your lollipop the shop just didnt have any left, something is broken but Daddy will fix it......that kind of thing.

#17 Lucretia Borgia

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!

I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

Edited by Lucretia Borgia, 03 February 2013 - 01:58 PM.


#18 RunDMC

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:59 PM

I have been known on occasion to remind DS that the store we are in - Kmart, Coles etc - has a naughty corner.

One day while explaining this to DS a lady unknown to us came up to us and said 'yes your mummy is right, the naughty corner is just over there'. Completely freaked him out, he is always very good in that shop now.

#19 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:03 PM

QUOTE
But I have been known to bribe. (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).


I use this all the time. And I will also say something is broken if its not (if its something I think is not good for them to have).

Also for a year or so DS2 thought he was playing the Wii with DS1 but his controller wasn't plugged in. He was happy, DS1 kept cheering him on and it was all good. original.gif

#20 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:06 PM

QUOTE
I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it...  ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!


LOL I heard of a woman who carries a sachet of salt around to slip into a cup of coke the first time her child asks to try it.

#21 noi'mnot

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:18 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.


I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!



Both of the above apply to our situation. Particularly the inlaws thing, it's just so unhelpful.

My 2 year old remembers promises that I made days ago - if I say we'll buy a particular item next time we're at the supermarket, she'll remember 4 days later. I always buy it though, because I believe in keeping promises.

Of course, I do tell her that we've run out of chocolate/biscuits/blueberries, so maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but I'd prefer not to give them to her every time she asks.

#22 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:35 PM

QUOTE (Lucretia Borgia @ 03/02/2013, 02:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

roll2.gif

#23 BadCat

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

I never really lied much about stuff like that.  Maybe it's because my kids weren't overly prone to chucking tantrums.

When I did lie I never promised them something else instead.  They would always have remembered.  

My sister always used to tell her kids the shopping centre rides were out of order.  I just told my kids no.  Seemed to work, but maybe my kids were just easier than hers.  shrug.gif

#24 Escapin

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:48 PM

My DH can remember as a kid being told that if he was good he could have an icecream, and then NEVER getting the icecream. He still remembers.

So no, I try really hard not to lie to DD.

#25 eachschoolholidays

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

DD has the most incredible memory, from when she could talk.  So I could never make promises in the hope she would forget.

I have definitely been known to say that the $2 ride at the park is broken or that I have let her stay up very, very late tonight when it is in fact 5 mins past her bedtime   laughing2.gif




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