Jump to content

Lying to toddlers?


  • Please log in to reply
40 replies to this topic

#1 epl0822

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:27 PM

Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?

#2 Riotproof

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:29 PM

I'm not a fan of bribing, especially when you aren't going to follow through. Surely, to easier to distract and divert with something real. Let's go look at the pond or whatever.

#3 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:31 PM

yikes how old is the kid, my toddler always had a very good memory. I have a lot of friends who used the oh no we can't buy ice-cream now the shop is closed (x a million) While not my personal preference I didn't think it was a huge deal and ignored it when they said it to my kids. I do think saying your going to buy them/give them something is a bad idea though.

#4 bluedragon

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:32 PM

I don't because one day they won't forget 2 mins later!

#5 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

I think is probably a bad habit to start.  There is not a huge window of time when they will forget.

#6 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:35 PM

I also hate the delay ie "maybe we will go soon".  My DH does this drives me bonkers when he has no intention of doing it and it causes so many issues.

#7 CupOfCoffee

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:36 PM

My daughter has always had a brilliant memory, she would never forget.

But I have been known to bribe.  (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).

And I have also been known to lie though... 'oh the Ipad is broken'...  (I know I shouldn't, but sometimes after a day of tantrums I do take the easy way to avoid one more).

I am far from perfect in my parenting.

#8 2 Gorgeous Girls

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

My toddler would never forget...
I do turn the TV off at the wall and say it's broken though. It's just easier some days.

#9 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

Unfortunately my DD would not have forgotten!
I do offer a treat at the end of the shopping trip if we have no tantrums, whinging etc.   I set the expectation before we even get out of the car,  and always follow through.

#10 Feral*Spikey*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

I never lied, because the elephant child always remembered exactly what I said.

She'll make a brilliant interogator one day. ph34r.gif

#11 IsolaBella

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

QUOTE (epl0822 @ 03/02/2013, 02:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?



With kids who have elephant memories no you don't go there. I always tell DH to NEVER promise something that won't be delivered.


#12 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

I try not too, I think they are pretty clued up and eventually that would come back and bite me.

#13 CallMeFeral

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.
I do occasionally take advantage of bad memory - promise something that I am willing to give if they remember (like telling them they can have the lolly they are asking for before bed, when they wake up), but then not remind them when they wake, but give it if they ask.

I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!


#14 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I don't lie in terms of promising something and not delivering, but I do lie in order to simplify.  

Eg. the iPad is tired and needs a sleep (when it needs recharging).

I also lie a lot about not being able to find things.  "I don't know where the paint is, so we can't do painting" when I know full well I have hidden the paint in the laundry.

#15 JJ

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I'm another one whose kids had elephant memories, so (apart from the fact that I'm a very bad liar and don't like doing it) it wasn't something I could do. I also agree that it's not a good habit to get into. If you want your kids to be honest with you, you have to model the same behaviour for them.

I try not to use bribes either, but when I was trying to TT DD, who was very reluctant, I bribed her with all sorts of stuff. She pulled me up on it months later when she was TTed - along the lines of "hey, I'm finally going to the toilet - now where are all those rewards you promised me?" (and yes, she got them). It's quite amazing how much they remember, and in how much detail.

So no, I'd say don't go there - if at all possible, find other strategies to avoid tantrums.

Edited by JJ, 03 February 2013 - 01:53 PM.


#16 Ice Queen

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:54 PM

I do lie but, no way, not on getting something and then assuming they will forget.  DD has an elephant memory.  She will ask me the next day.

I do say the shops are closed, the ipad is charging, no, I didnt't forget your lollipop the shop just didnt have any left, something is broken but Daddy will fix it......that kind of thing.

#17 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!

I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

Edited by Lucretia Borgia, 03 February 2013 - 01:58 PM.


#18 RunDMC

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:59 PM

I have been known on occasion to remind DS that the store we are in - Kmart, Coles etc - has a naughty corner.

One day while explaining this to DS a lady unknown to us came up to us and said 'yes your mummy is right, the naughty corner is just over there'. Completely freaked him out, he is always very good in that shop now.

#19 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:03 PM

QUOTE
But I have been known to bribe. (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).


I use this all the time. And I will also say something is broken if its not (if its something I think is not good for them to have).

Also for a year or so DS2 thought he was playing the Wii with DS1 but his controller wasn't plugged in. He was happy, DS1 kept cheering him on and it was all good. original.gif

#20 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:06 PM

QUOTE
I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it...  ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!


LOL I heard of a woman who carries a sachet of salt around to slip into a cup of coke the first time her child asks to try it.

#21 noi'mnot

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:18 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.


I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!



Both of the above apply to our situation. Particularly the inlaws thing, it's just so unhelpful.

My 2 year old remembers promises that I made days ago - if I say we'll buy a particular item next time we're at the supermarket, she'll remember 4 days later. I always buy it though, because I believe in keeping promises.

Of course, I do tell her that we've run out of chocolate/biscuits/blueberries, so maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but I'd prefer not to give them to her every time she asks.

#22 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:35 PM

QUOTE (Lucretia Borgia @ 03/02/2013, 02:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

roll2.gif

#23 BadCat

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

I never really lied much about stuff like that.  Maybe it's because my kids weren't overly prone to chucking tantrums.

When I did lie I never promised them something else instead.  They would always have remembered.  

My sister always used to tell her kids the shopping centre rides were out of order.  I just told my kids no.  Seemed to work, but maybe my kids were just easier than hers.  shrug.gif

#24 Escapin

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:48 PM

My DH can remember as a kid being told that if he was good he could have an icecream, and then NEVER getting the icecream. He still remembers.

So no, I try really hard not to lie to DD.

#25 eachschoolholidays

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

DD has the most incredible memory, from when she could talk.  So I could never make promises in the hope she would forget.

I have definitely been known to say that the $2 ride at the park is broken or that I have let her stay up very, very late tonight when it is in fact 5 mins past her bedtime   laughing2.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN a $500 Visa debit card

Are you a parent? Simply take our survey for your chance to win a $500 pre-paid VISA debit card.

Breastfeeding doesn't make you a better mum - feeding your baby does

Given my immense dislike of Hopkins and her opinions, I was genuinely shocked to discover that last week she actually said something that I agreed with.

'Toni, another baby has died': the anguish of watching governments fail our babies

It has been six years since whooping cough claimed the life of four-week-old Dana McCaffery. Her parents are angry that lessons learnt weren't enough to save other babies.

Longer breastfeeding linked to higher IQ

A study of 3500 infants has found that babies who are breastfed grow up to be more intelligent and wealthy.

The 2015 flu vaccine: what's new, who should get it

For certain members of the community, catching flu can lead to severe illness or death. A vaccination can be lifesaving.

Dealing with a nappy escape artist

I hear about the tots that have a penchant for ripping their nappies off and the odd one that even smears the brown stuff on the walls and fine home furnishings, and I shudder.

Hospital apologises for 'traumatising' baby mix-up

St Vincent's Hospital has apologised "unreservedly" for a baby mix-up that left one new mum traumatised.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.