Jump to content

Lying to toddlers?


  • Please log in to reply
40 replies to this topic

#1 epl0822

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:27 PM

Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?

#2 Riotproof

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:29 PM

I'm not a fan of bribing, especially when you aren't going to follow through. Surely, to easier to distract and divert with something real. Let's go look at the pond or whatever.

#3 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:31 PM

yikes how old is the kid, my toddler always had a very good memory. I have a lot of friends who used the oh no we can't buy ice-cream now the shop is closed (x a million) While not my personal preference I didn't think it was a huge deal and ignored it when they said it to my kids. I do think saying your going to buy them/give them something is a bad idea though.

#4 bluedragon

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:32 PM

I don't because one day they won't forget 2 mins later!

#5 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

I think is probably a bad habit to start.  There is not a huge window of time when they will forget.

#6 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:35 PM

I also hate the delay ie "maybe we will go soon".  My DH does this drives me bonkers when he has no intention of doing it and it causes so many issues.

#7 CupOfCoffee

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:36 PM

My daughter has always had a brilliant memory, she would never forget.

But I have been known to bribe.  (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).

And I have also been known to lie though... 'oh the Ipad is broken'...  (I know I shouldn't, but sometimes after a day of tantrums I do take the easy way to avoid one more).

I am far from perfect in my parenting.

#8 2 Gorgeous Girls

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

My toddler would never forget...
I do turn the TV off at the wall and say it's broken though. It's just easier some days.

#9 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

Unfortunately my DD would not have forgotten!
I do offer a treat at the end of the shopping trip if we have no tantrums, whinging etc.   I set the expectation before we even get out of the car,  and always follow through.

#10 Feral*Spikey*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

I never lied, because the elephant child always remembered exactly what I said.

She'll make a brilliant interogator one day. ph34r.gif

#11 IsolaBella

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

QUOTE (epl0822 @ 03/02/2013, 02:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?



With kids who have elephant memories no you don't go there. I always tell DH to NEVER promise something that won't be delivered.


#12 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

I try not too, I think they are pretty clued up and eventually that would come back and bite me.

#13 CallMeFeral

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.
I do occasionally take advantage of bad memory - promise something that I am willing to give if they remember (like telling them they can have the lolly they are asking for before bed, when they wake up), but then not remind them when they wake, but give it if they ask.

I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!


#14 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I don't lie in terms of promising something and not delivering, but I do lie in order to simplify.  

Eg. the iPad is tired and needs a sleep (when it needs recharging).

I also lie a lot about not being able to find things.  "I don't know where the paint is, so we can't do painting" when I know full well I have hidden the paint in the laundry.

#15 JJ

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I'm another one whose kids had elephant memories, so (apart from the fact that I'm a very bad liar and don't like doing it) it wasn't something I could do. I also agree that it's not a good habit to get into. If you want your kids to be honest with you, you have to model the same behaviour for them.

I try not to use bribes either, but when I was trying to TT DD, who was very reluctant, I bribed her with all sorts of stuff. She pulled me up on it months later when she was TTed - along the lines of "hey, I'm finally going to the toilet - now where are all those rewards you promised me?" (and yes, she got them). It's quite amazing how much they remember, and in how much detail.

So no, I'd say don't go there - if at all possible, find other strategies to avoid tantrums.

Edited by JJ, 03 February 2013 - 01:53 PM.


#16 Ice Queen

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:54 PM

I do lie but, no way, not on getting something and then assuming they will forget.  DD has an elephant memory.  She will ask me the next day.

I do say the shops are closed, the ipad is charging, no, I didnt't forget your lollipop the shop just didnt have any left, something is broken but Daddy will fix it......that kind of thing.

#17 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!

I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

Edited by Lucretia Borgia, 03 February 2013 - 01:58 PM.


#18 RunDMC

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:59 PM

I have been known on occasion to remind DS that the store we are in - Kmart, Coles etc - has a naughty corner.

One day while explaining this to DS a lady unknown to us came up to us and said 'yes your mummy is right, the naughty corner is just over there'. Completely freaked him out, he is always very good in that shop now.

#19 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:03 PM

QUOTE
But I have been known to bribe. (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).


I use this all the time. And I will also say something is broken if its not (if its something I think is not good for them to have).

Also for a year or so DS2 thought he was playing the Wii with DS1 but his controller wasn't plugged in. He was happy, DS1 kept cheering him on and it was all good. original.gif

#20 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:06 PM

QUOTE
I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it...  ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!


LOL I heard of a woman who carries a sachet of salt around to slip into a cup of coke the first time her child asks to try it.

#21 noi'mnot

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:18 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.


I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!



Both of the above apply to our situation. Particularly the inlaws thing, it's just so unhelpful.

My 2 year old remembers promises that I made days ago - if I say we'll buy a particular item next time we're at the supermarket, she'll remember 4 days later. I always buy it though, because I believe in keeping promises.

Of course, I do tell her that we've run out of chocolate/biscuits/blueberries, so maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but I'd prefer not to give them to her every time she asks.

#22 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:35 PM

QUOTE (Lucretia Borgia @ 03/02/2013, 02:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

roll2.gif

#23 BadCat

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

I never really lied much about stuff like that.  Maybe it's because my kids weren't overly prone to chucking tantrums.

When I did lie I never promised them something else instead.  They would always have remembered.  

My sister always used to tell her kids the shopping centre rides were out of order.  I just told my kids no.  Seemed to work, but maybe my kids were just easier than hers.  shrug.gif

#24 Escapin

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:48 PM

My DH can remember as a kid being told that if he was good he could have an icecream, and then NEVER getting the icecream. He still remembers.

So no, I try really hard not to lie to DD.

#25 eachschoolholidays

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

DD has the most incredible memory, from when she could talk.  So I could never make promises in the hope she would forget.

I have definitely been known to say that the $2 ride at the park is broken or that I have let her stay up very, very late tonight when it is in fact 5 mins past her bedtime   laughing2.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

In a bizarre bid for relevancy, Former Opposition leader Mark Latham has deduced that because one female journalist had this week light-heartedly thanked antidepressants and caffeine for getting her through a medical degree while raising two small children, that ergo, all 'inner-city feminists' are selfish harridans who despise their offspring.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Duchess's letter to grieving mum

The Duchess of Cambridge has written to a grieving mum on a "very difficult" day.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.