Jump to content

Lying to toddlers?


  • Please log in to reply
39 replies to this topic

#1 epl0822

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:27 PM

Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?

#2 Riotproof

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:29 PM

I'm not a fan of bribing, especially when you aren't going to follow through. Surely, to easier to distract and divert with something real. Let's go look at the pond or whatever.

#3 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:31 PM

yikes how old is the kid, my toddler always had a very good memory. I have a lot of friends who used the oh no we can't buy ice-cream now the shop is closed (x a million) While not my personal preference I didn't think it was a huge deal and ignored it when they said it to my kids. I do think saying your going to buy them/give them something is a bad idea though.

#4 bluedragon

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:32 PM

I don't because one day they won't forget 2 mins later!

#5 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

I think is probably a bad habit to start.  There is not a huge window of time when they will forget.

#6 caitiri

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:35 PM

I also hate the delay ie "maybe we will go soon".  My DH does this drives me bonkers when he has no intention of doing it and it causes so many issues.

#7 CupOfCoffee

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:36 PM

My daughter has always had a brilliant memory, she would never forget.

But I have been known to bribe.  (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).

And I have also been known to lie though... 'oh the Ipad is broken'...  (I know I shouldn't, but sometimes after a day of tantrums I do take the easy way to avoid one more).

I am far from perfect in my parenting.

#8 2 Gorgeous Girls

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

My toddler would never forget...
I do turn the TV off at the wall and say it's broken though. It's just easier some days.

#9 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

Unfortunately my DD would not have forgotten!
I do offer a treat at the end of the shopping trip if we have no tantrums, whinging etc.   I set the expectation before we even get out of the car,  and always follow through.

#10 Feral*Spikey*

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

I never lied, because the elephant child always remembered exactly what I said.

She'll make a brilliant interogator one day. ph34r.gif

#11 Isolabella

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

QUOTE (epl0822 @ 03/02/2013, 02:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Have you lied to your toddler to avoid tantrums?

Eg. Child is about to launch a session of hysterical screaming for leaving the playground, and you say, "We're going to buy Iggle Piggle from the toy store!" - knowing your child will probably forget within a few minutes of walking around.

Would you say this is wrong or understandable?



With kids who have elephant memories no you don't go there. I always tell DH to NEVER promise something that won't be delivered.


#12 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

I try not too, I think they are pretty clued up and eventually that would come back and bite me.

#13 CallMeFeral

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.
I do occasionally take advantage of bad memory - promise something that I am willing to give if they remember (like telling them they can have the lolly they are asking for before bed, when they wake up), but then not remind them when they wake, but give it if they ask.

I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!


#14 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I don't lie in terms of promising something and not delivering, but I do lie in order to simplify.  

Eg. the iPad is tired and needs a sleep (when it needs recharging).

I also lie a lot about not being able to find things.  "I don't know where the paint is, so we can't do painting" when I know full well I have hidden the paint in the laundry.

#15 JJ

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:51 PM

I'm another one whose kids had elephant memories, so (apart from the fact that I'm a very bad liar and don't like doing it) it wasn't something I could do. I also agree that it's not a good habit to get into. If you want your kids to be honest with you, you have to model the same behaviour for them.

I try not to use bribes either, but when I was trying to TT DD, who was very reluctant, I bribed her with all sorts of stuff. She pulled me up on it months later when she was TTed - along the lines of "hey, I'm finally going to the toilet - now where are all those rewards you promised me?" (and yes, she got them). It's quite amazing how much they remember, and in how much detail.

So no, I'd say don't go there - if at all possible, find other strategies to avoid tantrums.

Edited by JJ, 03 February 2013 - 01:53 PM.


#16 Ice Queen

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:54 PM

I do lie but, no way, not on getting something and then assuming they will forget.  DD has an elephant memory.  She will ask me the next day.

I do say the shops are closed, the ipad is charging, no, I didnt't forget your lollipop the shop just didnt have any left, something is broken but Daddy will fix it......that kind of thing.

#17 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!

I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

Edited by Lucretia Borgia, 03 February 2013 - 01:58 PM.


#18 RunDMC

Posted 03 February 2013 - 01:59 PM

I have been known on occasion to remind DS that the store we are in - Kmart, Coles etc - has a naughty corner.

One day while explaining this to DS a lady unknown to us came up to us and said 'yes your mummy is right, the naughty corner is just over there'. Completely freaked him out, he is always very good in that shop now.

#19 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:03 PM

QUOTE
But I have been known to bribe. (At the library, 'lets go home and we can have a cookie and milk'... and we will have a cookie and milk).


I use this all the time. And I will also say something is broken if its not (if its something I think is not good for them to have).

Also for a year or so DS2 thought he was playing the Wii with DS1 but his controller wasn't plugged in. He was happy, DS1 kept cheering him on and it was all good. original.gif

#20 Kay1

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:06 PM

QUOTE
I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it...  ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!


LOL I heard of a woman who carries a sachet of salt around to slip into a cup of coke the first time her child asks to try it.

#21 noi'mnot

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:18 PM

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 03/02/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I tried not to. Mine would remember! And even if they didn't, I don't like lying to them on principle. My inlaws are different though, and would promise them ridiculous things to avoid immediate crying - I really disliked it when they did that, and insisted they stop.


I have lied about lollys or chips etc being 'finished' when they aren't!



Both of the above apply to our situation. Particularly the inlaws thing, it's just so unhelpful.

My 2 year old remembers promises that I made days ago - if I say we'll buy a particular item next time we're at the supermarket, she'll remember 4 days later. I always buy it though, because I believe in keeping promises.

Of course, I do tell her that we've run out of chocolate/biscuits/blueberries, so maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but I'd prefer not to give them to her every time she asks.

#22 Majeix

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:35 PM

QUOTE (Lucretia Borgia @ 03/02/2013, 02:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have certainly done this.

I obviously lied at one point to DS telling him he was allergic to coca cola ( of course  he isn't) ...I'd forgotten all about it until a few weeks ago he was at a party, at pickup the mum asked me about it... unsure.gif ...he'd obviously been offered some and declined on account of his allergy!

( I don't ever hold up my parenting techniques as ones worthy of emulating ..)

roll2.gif

#23 BadCat

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

I never really lied much about stuff like that.  Maybe it's because my kids weren't overly prone to chucking tantrums.

When I did lie I never promised them something else instead.  They would always have remembered.  

My sister always used to tell her kids the shopping centre rides were out of order.  I just told my kids no.  Seemed to work, but maybe my kids were just easier than hers.  shrug.gif

#24 Escapin

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:48 PM

My DH can remember as a kid being told that if he was good he could have an icecream, and then NEVER getting the icecream. He still remembers.

So no, I try really hard not to lie to DD.

#25 eachschoolholidays

Posted 03 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

DD has the most incredible memory, from when she could talk.  So I could never make promises in the hope she would forget.

I have definitely been known to say that the $2 ride at the park is broken or that I have let her stay up very, very late tonight when it is in fact 5 mins past her bedtime   laughing2.gif




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.