Okay, we're officially desperate
15 mth old who wakes constantly
, Feb 02 2013 04:48 PM
29 replies to this topic
Posted 02 February 2013 - 04:48 PM
I posted here last Saturday night because DP and I have been having serious sleep issues with DD who is 15 mths.
After a rocky start to that night, she slept through until 7am without waking or feeding. Hooray! We thought. Things are turning the corner. Let's try to stop the night feeds as she clearly does not need them.
We poor naive fools...
For six nights now we have refused to give her formula when she wakes. We offer water and her dummy. We shush and pat her in her cot and we leave before she goes back to sleep. For the first two nights she was sleeping solidly until around 4am. Then she would cry on and off until we got up at 6.30. Every so often one of us goes in to her room and offers the water, dummy etc, check nappy etc.
The next three nights the first waking got progressively earlier and she wouldn't fully settle for the rest of the night, crying and grizzling every 15 mins or so.
Last night was horrendous. She first woke at 1am and slept only fitfully for the rest of the night, grizzling, crying, getting hysterical. She'd calm down if one of us went in there but didn't want water or changing. We gave her neurofen in case it was teeth. Made no difference. Took her to the gp this morning who couldn't find anything wrong.
We are all seriously sleep deprived. DP is about to go back to full time work and he's stressing out big time on no sleep. I'm used to working full time on so little sleep but i feel like I'm reaching the end of what I can bear too.
We failed sleep school multiple times when she was younger and she does know how to self settle, she naps fine in the daytime at home and crèche.
I'm at the point of giving in and giving her a 2am bottle again just to get some proper sleep but that won't fix it long term. And we do need to fix it for all our sakes.
Anyone got any suggestions? Should we stick to our guns and not feed her overnight?
Posted 02 February 2013 - 06:24 PM
I would give the bottle. At 15 months DS had stopped night feeding but then he started waking again and some nights I do give in and feed him. He is 17 months now and I would say I feed him one night in 3. Not ideal but at least hat way he does go to sleep fast again! And short term I was going to die from lack of sleep if I had continued to battle him. So I decided to lose the battle in the interests of winning the longer term war.
So, when he wakes I try to resettle with dummy and water, and sometimes that works, but if after 10 min or so it has not worked, I feed him. Am still doing a morning breast feed so any over night feed is breast too. The longer I try to settle him without it the more he cries for it, I think he works up the appetite the longer he is awake, hence my decision that if resettling does not work fast, I give up and feed.
This week has been hard because he has some teeth coming too. So most nights he has had the feed. Another thing we are trying is tanking him up on milk before bed: 2 bottles rather than one. I think it is helping.
I am back at work and need my sleep, and I do not have the stomach for leaving him to prolonged crying. So for me, giving him the night feed is the lesser of 2 evils.
Edited by sakura73, 02 February 2013 - 06:25 PM.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 06:32 PM
Give her the bottle... she's 1 and 3 months. That's not really that old at all.
We just waited ours out and they grew out of the night bottles. It was a hell of a lot more pleseant than trying to fight in the middle of the night. They gave it up around 2ish with no problems
Posted 02 February 2013 - 06:40 PM
My DD2 was like this.. The best advice I got was to just give her the bottle!
By around 15 months she just grew out of it with only the occasional bottle if she sick etc
She is 3 now and sleeps fine!
If ur daughter goes back to sleep after a bottle than I'd just give it to her
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:13 PM
Agree with a pp, offer water/dummy first and if she wakes again, offer the bottle.
The one thing I have discovered is that you need to pick your battles with babies. If you need to sleep - and she wants her bottle to keep her asleep for longer - just give it to her.
Hope you get more sleep.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:22 PM
I would also just give the bottle. DD1 had bottles until she was over 2, and then gave them up very easily.
DD2 has never been a great sleeper, and at 17 months I still get up about twice a week to give her a night feed.
Edited by Dinah_Harris, 02 February 2013 - 07:23 PM.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:24 PM
Feed her OP.
If this is what it takes I can not see the need to deprive her at such a young age. Ignore the fact that some will tell you that she doesn't 'need' it but heck, you do what you do to survive and I wouldn't be worrying about this for another year.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:24 PM
I'm another who would try settling once and if that doesn't work give her the bottle. But only if she settles easily after the bottle. If she doesn't settle after milk then I would maybe look at getting the sleep nanny in or something.
Good luck, sleep deprivation is horrible!
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:25 PM
If u can handle it i would try to tough it out for a few more nights, you have been through some bad nights and it could get better. I only say this, because otherwise you may just have to do all this again and more. Unless you daughter really needs to gain weight, at that age she probably doesnt need the formula. If she doesnt respond, then maybe try again in a month or two.
I do not have any suggestions tho i am sorry. My daughters sleep is soooo much better now (she turns two soon) and it definitely has slowly gotten better over the last four or so months. We had to tough it out, i never thought i would take this approach but i felt i couldnt go on any longer.
I hope it improves for you soon whatever you decide.
Edited by Rosepickles, 02 February 2013 - 07:29 PM.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:35 PM
I still breastfed overnight at that age, so I'm with the give a bottle camp.
She could be going through a growth spurt, teething so off solids or whatever. If it gets her more sleep, you will have more sleep which is a win for everyone other than the busy bodies who try to make mothers feel guilty over every little decision.
Also, sleep begets more sleep, so if she is becoming overtired from her night wakings, it may be snowballing to make the next day and following night worse.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:38 PM
My 17 month old DS sounds similar, we went through an awful patch a little while ago where he was waking every hour overnight and taking 40 or so min to settle, so we were sleeping in 15-20 min snatches. It was terrible. My DH too charge and we night weaned DS, who was still BF every time he woke and refusing to settle without it. DH took a mattress into DS room and they coslept until DS would fall into a decent sleep, then DH put him to bed and would come to bed himself. They did that for about 3-4 days and yes, DS would play a bit then come for a cuddle and pass out. Then DH went to leaving DS in the cot and just laying on the mattress himself until DS fell asleep. I think it was about a week to 10 days, with each day better than the last, and now DS sleeps through. This was over Christmas.
Good luck, sleep deprivation is absolutely awful and I completely feel your pain!!
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:43 PM
You both sound like you are at breaking point. So imo not a good time for any of you to endure much more with persisting with what could take weeks with the new routine.
She would be exhausted too.
I think at the moment do what works for you all to get much needed sleep. Then reassess down the track.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:46 PM
I would give her the bottle for now and then revisit trying to wean her when she's older. My DS is also 15 months old and has been a beyond awful sleeper, I tried to wean him many times but he wasn't ready so I kept going back to feeding m to sleep.
She will most likely grow out of needing the bottle when she's older. Maybe try again in a month or two.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:57 PM
DS was exactly the same. It wasn't until 14 months that he dropped the overnight bottle of his own accord. He still occasionally wakes and if he is hungry I feed him (now 19 months old).
We worked hard on getting the conditions right to help him sleep through. For us, if he woke he had to be fed or wouldn't resettle. If we had the temperature right, the lighting right, the pajamas right and he had eaten enough during the day - he wouldn't wake. But if he got cold and woke, only a bottle would settle him. We were also lucky in that all I had to do was shake up the bottle and hand it to him, he would feed himself then throw it out of the cot when finished.
I wouldn't fight it. You might discover that your DD just drops it one day of her own accord.
My only suggestion is a dream feed before you go to bed in case she just needs a little more to get through the night.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:01 PM
Another 16 month old who is getting bottles through the night! I was told to give them up at 12 months and only give it during day in sippy cup. he screamed his head off for 3 nights and then slept great ...until 2 weeks later he had gastro and vomitting bug so GP said to give them to him again and then cut them out. I have never stopped as i think it is mean to cut them out and then give them again when they are only babies. DD gave them up no probs at 2 and if DS does not seem to be doing the same by then , then I will stress.
I am in the bottle camp. Under 2 really is still the baby stage so dont stress.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:10 PM
we are still giving a cup of milk overnight most nights to my 17 month old.
occasionally i toy with the idea of trying sleep training again but we went through months and months of horror and I am not keen to revisit it.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:17 PM
my DS stopped night feeds at 2.5yrs, DD1 at 14mths and DD2 is still going at 2.5yrs... your daughter probably still needs the feed..... all kids are different
Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:17 PM
Another one for 'give her the bottle'. I was slack and did whatever was easiest to get DS back to sleep. He stopped waking over night around 20 months all by himself, and for the last 6 months, when he goes down at night, he's out till morning time which is usually 8am. I really think he just wasn't developmentally ready to sleep through until then. It was tiring, but I'm glad that we took the route we did.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:29 PM
DS is 15 months and has only just dropped to one breastfeed overnight, around 3-4am. He goes straight back to sleep after it, til about 6am.
I'd give the bottle so you can all get some sleep.
Reassess in a few months.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:30 PM
Just give in. Don't think about it. Don't prolong your misery offering stuff she doesn't want. Do whatever will give you the most sleep. Don't worry about how old she is or what someone told you.
She's so young. Babies are usually hard work and rob you of sleep. I wouldn't fight her; it's a waste of energy.
Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:39 PM
She clearly needs her feed. Just feed her
Posted 02 February 2013 - 09:32 PM
Looks like we're going back to night feeding then
After reading all your responses DP and I had a talk. We really want the night feedings to stop sooner rather than later but we also can't handle a string of nights like last night. So as many of you suggest we'll try offering water the first time she wakes and if she doesn't resettle or wakes again we'll give her the bottle.
Then maybe at Easter when we have some time off we'll try weaning again. We're just both so knackered and all three of us were in such foul moods today! We have such limited family time we just want to enjoy it and each other instead of feeling so tired.
Posted 03 February 2013 - 08:22 AM
Mine got bf overnight to about 17months and then bottle untill about 2 ish overnight.
Not everynight but if they did not settle after waking.
I am in the camp of teaching to self settle and not rush into the room, but if they had been grizzly for awhile I would offer boob or bottle. Mine also I just had to hand bottle into the cot and they would throw away when they were finished.
Also make sure they are warm enough when sleeping as I found this made a huge differance. Sleep sacks are good.
It will improve...so not rush in to every cry just give a bottle if it doesn't look like settling. FWIW I was much stricter on my first dd and she slept well earlier, way less overnight botles or breast. Second DS feed bottles more frequently overnight, (much more relaxed mum and a feeling that not every stage going to last forever so not in so much of a rush to get to the next stage)but both pretty much sleeping through by 2.
Posted 03 February 2013 - 08:38 AM
DD3 was having a bottle at bedtime until she was 2. We tired to take it off her at 17 months but she started waking though he night. We had no trouble dropping the bottle when she was 2. You might find it a little easier when she is older.
Also I would be weening her off the formula before I dropped the night feed. When she is on cows milk you could try just slowly watering the milk down and she might loose interest in that night feed. But just wait till she is a bit older first.
Posted 03 February 2013 - 10:25 AM
Yes I forgot I also slowly weaned off the formula making them less concentrated or when using milk bottles the same technique. ie less formula more water, same with milk. At around 20months or so??
When they started rippping holes in the teat and dripping milk over the cot I knew we were both done with the overnight bottles!
It will pass and its about finding the right balance between rushing in to help to settle and the path of least resistance!
good luck and hope you catch up on some sleep.
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