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Not sure how to RSVP

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#1 Lickety Split

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:25 PM

I'm due to have DS in 2 weeks. I have one week left to RSVP to a friend's (more DH's friend than mine) wedding. The baby will be approx 4-5 weeks old at the time of the wedding. I would love to be able to go but not sure if I'll be feeling up to it, especially if I have to have another caesar. How would you RSVP in this situation?

ETA: Assuming they'll be ok with me bringing the baby of course. Maybe I should ask them...

Edited by Lickety Split, 01 February 2013 - 07:32 PM.

#2 libbylu

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:33 PM

Assuming that the wedding is not too far away, I would just RSVP to say that you will come.  At the very least your DH can go.  If you can't make it, he can just make excuses on the day to say that you had planned to be there were not up to it.  In any case, unless you suffer some kind of complications and you would imagine you would be able to cope with an hour or two at least.

#3 icekool

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:34 PM

If you explained the situation, they will understand although most receptions require exact numbers. They can accommodate last minute reshuffling of guests depending on how the tables are set up. So if you didn't mind sitting on a table with people you didn't know, it mightn't be a problem if you were keen to go to the reception.

DH's friend was getting married around the time DD was due. We RSVP'd we weren't going although I was keen to go to the ceremony but DD came early and no way could I go.

#4 JRA

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:36 PM

It is not hard, ring them and talk to them

#5 Loz07

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:40 PM

Do they have kids of their own? How understanding do you think they would be if you pulled out last minute?

The other thing is from memory our reception place only needed final numbers a couple of days before, so you could do a tentative yes and then let them know a week before depending on how you are feeling... Could be good as something adult to look forward to post bubs (we had a wedding 8 weeks post and it was great original.gif FWIW we had nanna babysit, but DD was settling/sleeping well in the evenings then so it worked)

You could also maybe take 2 cars (or DH taxi home) if you need to leave early?

I don't think people would really mind a 5 week old at a wedding... I think it's when they're old enough to be running around and/or you have to pay for them that people can get funny

#6 ///

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:42 PM

Ring and find out what they would prefer you do.

#7 cb2

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:42 PM

I agree with JRA and was going to suggest to call the couple (or have your DH do so if they are his friend's ) and explain to them and they can see if once confirmed with the venue then that is how many they pay for. Otherwise if you still aren't sure you either go to the ceremony only or go to both and leave early if your too tired or not coping well.

#8 Lickety Split

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:42 PM

No they don't have kids of their own. It's quite a fancy wedding, very posh venues.

#9 JustBeige

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:52 PM

QUOTE (Lickety Split @ 01/02/2013, 08:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No they don't have kids of their own. It's quite a fancy wedding, very posh venues.

I wouldnt muck them around then.  I would just send DH on his own.

#10 Bunsen the feral

Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:52 PM

Our wedding was very close to a friends due date so I just asked her to let me know 2 days before - when the venue needed final numbers. Obviously as the bride you don't want everything left to the last minute but one late but well communicated RSVP doesn't cause too much of a head ache. Talk to your friends now rather than leaving it.

#11 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 01 February 2013 - 08:08 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 01/02/2013, 07:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It is not hard, ring them and talk to them


But if you're under the pump to RSVP now, not knowing what you will be like in 6-7 weeks time, i'd follow JustBeige's advice....
QUOTE (JustBeige @ 01/02/2013, 07:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldnt muck them around then.  I would just send DH on his own.

#12 solongsuckers

Posted 01 February 2013 - 09:21 PM

I would also call them. Otherwise just RSVP for your DH to go.

#13 ekbaby

Posted 01 February 2013 - 09:27 PM

Given that it's a fancy venue, the bride and groom don't have kids, and it's more DH's friend than yours, I would probably just RSVP for DH to go by himself.

If it was a more casual venue, or a closer friend of mine, I would call them and chat about the options.

#14 belinda1976

Posted 01 February 2013 - 09:27 PM

I agree with the others, contact them (or get your DH to) now and ask what's the very latest they can know by.  I wouldn't say you will go and pull out at the last minute.  You said it's a posh wedding so imagine the amount of money they would loose if you didn't go after they had paid for you.

In saying that I think you will be ok to go to the wedding 4-5 weeks after a CS.  A girlfriend of mine came to mine 2 weeks after hers and she was okay, she had a bit of a dance but mostly sat all night which was fine.

I'd also check if you are able to bring your new DS with you too.

#15 starfire

Posted 01 February 2013 - 10:37 PM

Personally given the new details you just given, I wouldn't go. I would just send DH on his own considering it's a fancy venue and the people getting married do not have children and there is a chance you may not feel up to it at the time. It's not worth the stress.

#16 Funwith3

Posted 01 February 2013 - 11:11 PM

Id look forward to the wedding... you'll probably be dying to get out of the house for a few hours!! You can always make an early exit if you're tired or sore.

#17 Procrastinator5000

Posted 01 February 2013 - 11:29 PM

QUOTE (libbylu @ 01/02/2013, 07:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Assuming that the wedding is not too far away, I would just RSVP to say that you will come.  At the very least your DH can go.  If you can't make it, he can just make excuses on the day to say that you had planned to be there were not up to it.  In any case, unless you suffer some kind of complications and you would imagine you would be able to cope with an hour or two at least.

This could cost the people $100 or more, if it's a really fancy wedding. Don't do this please.

QUOTE (JustBeige @ 01/02/2013, 07:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldnt muck them around then.  I would just send DH on his own.

Agree entirely - I would send him on his own in this scenario. Of course, the best thing to do is to call and chat about it though.

#18 MuppetGirl

Posted 01 February 2013 - 11:30 PM

Personally I would RSVP yes and go, provided they are ok with the baby going. I went to one wedding when DD was 8 days old and just recently one when my DS2 was 5 weeks old.

I enjoyed both and had the perfect excuse to leave early for bed original.gif

#19 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 02 February 2013 - 01:05 AM

Id RSVP yes, providing bub is welcome, and see who I felt. I had a rough birth first time, and probably couldnt have handled a wedding 4 weeks after, but this time I was back at the gym after 3 weeks.

#20 janeway

Posted 02 February 2013 - 01:29 AM

From my own experience, I was due the week of my cousins wedding but ended up having an emergency cesarean (my second) 3 1/2 weeks before. I attended the evening & really enjoyed the night out (albeit without dancing or wine). Only had one fiasco in the church where the priest copped an eyeful of breast as I was attempting to latch dd on, otherwise dd slept most of the time in her pram.

5 weeks is plenty of time I think, but getting your DH to call & have a chat sounds like a good idea if you're worried.

#21 Duck-o-lah

Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:11 AM

Definitely call. I absolutely wouldn't bring a newborn without advising the bride & groom directly. I think it would be pretty mean to refuse, but you just never know, especially given that it's a 'posh' do.

I had a night out when DS was 3 weeks old (following CS). I was exhausted, and the whole time I was out I kept thinking 'aaaah I could be sleeping' but I definitely needed it. It was only about 2 hours but it forced me to have a shower, doll myself up (to the best of my abilities!) and have adult conversation, which was a sanity saver. You may find you'll relish going out, even if for an hour or two original.gif

#22 mumtoactivetoddler

Posted 02 February 2013 - 11:20 AM

The other issue is that if they aren't prepared to have bub there would you be prepared to leave him/her? There is no way at that time I could be more than 2 hours away as my bub would not take a bottle and there is no way I would have left bub with anyone but DH or my mum so I would have had babysitter problems. Actually most women I know wouldn't have left their 5 week old for more than about 2 hours (ok I know EB is different but it is true for my friends).

#23 ScarfaceClaw

Posted 02 February 2013 - 11:30 AM

I personally wouldn't be prepared to leave bub at 5 weeks old, so that the deal breaker.... baby ok? I'll be there, baby not ok? DH goes alone.

Otherwise I'd be there with bells on and probably have a glass of bubbles to boot.

#24 Isolabella

Posted 02 February 2013 - 11:35 AM

I would RSVP that I was going.

Then again I went out to formal function for the night when bubs was three weeks and I had had a cs.

I did miss one wedding I had positive RSVP as well bubs came early 36wks and I was still in hospital post CS.

#25 Lifesgood

Posted 02 February 2013 - 11:40 AM

Unless you are desperately keen to go to the wedding I would decline the invitation. At a pinch accept for your DH only. It's not polite to accept an invitation to an expensive wedding if you don't think you will go as it costs a lot of money for the hosts.

And if you are very keen to attend you need to ask first if it is ok to bring the baby.

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