Jump to content

An ethics question


  • Please log in to reply
47 replies to this topic

#1 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 03:54 PM

I'm in two minds about this one, and I'd like to know what others think.

If someone offers to give you something for which you would normally have to pay, simply because they respect your profession, is it right to take it?  Or should you graciously refuse?

Why?

#2 Beanbag Warrior

Posted 01 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

Need more info!

Initial reaction is to accept graciously as a once off, but pay in future.

Depends on the gift and the position of he person giving it, though

#3 laridae

Posted 01 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

Refuse.  Could be seen as accepting a bribe.

#4 BobBottersnike

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:01 PM

Depends on whether there could be a perception that you might be influenced to treat the donor in a more favourable light as a result of the gift. If there is room for doubt, refuse it.

#5 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:01 PM

QUOTE (Soprano-Cat @ 01/02/2013, 04:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Need more info!


I went to hire academic dress this morning (need it for a function tomorrow).

While chatting to the lady there, I mentioned what I'm studying now.  She refused to charge me the hire fee, or take the usual deposit you get back when you return the stuff.  (So I walked out with the stuff for free).

On the one hand, it was lovely and kind of her and I don't want to be mean about that, but on the other hand... there's something there about being put on a pedestal that has me feeling squirmy.

#6 Fenrir

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:02 PM

QUOTE (laridae @ 01/02/2013, 03:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Refuse.  Could be seen as accepting a bribe.

This. In your profession it could be taken the wrong way.

#7 FiveAus

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:03 PM

Pay it forward and keep the good karma flowing.

#8 threeinnyc

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:04 PM

Don't accept it. My dad's almost perfect reputation was tainted when he took a gift from someone who then reported it to someone that my old man took a bribe  rant.gif



#9 HRH Countrymel

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:06 PM

Depends on the context.

However I gave something to my Tai Chi instructor this morning that I was actually on my way to sell because I respect and like her!

When I was younger I would often be told "No.. you can have that, no need to pay me, your smile has made my day already.."  (I have quite a big mouth - it makes for a big smile, if you haven't become attuned to it you can get a bit overwhelmed!  - This would mostly happen when I lived in a big city.... I never lost my country bumpkin 'smile at everyone' manners..)


Sometimes people just like to give things because it makes them feel good.

If there are no strings attached - no ongoing sense of obligation - then I say 'let them feel good!'

#10 Amy 1976

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:07 PM

Does the lady who offered you the discount own the business? If she does then I guess it's her decision to lose a sale. If she is an employee, you should pay.

I will accept small gifts such as cards, chocolate or a cheap bottle of wine from clients. I don't accept anything larger as I think it creates an obligation.

#11 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:11 PM

I think PPs are right about the need to be careful and to avoid any implication that you have done something untoward like accept a bribe, however, if AV does what I *think* she does, you couldn't really be in a position to take bribes could you...certainly not in that situation? I mean, what favour could she expect from you in return .?

The deposit thing I would accept, as it is just a statement of her trust in you and your profession....maybe like a charity running a soup kitchen and needing to hire some crockery.....and the hire place waiving the bond on the equipment....but maybe insist on paying the actual hire fee?

#12 HRH Countrymel

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:13 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 01/02/2013, 05:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
on the other hand... there's something there about being put on a pedestal that has me feeling squirmy.



Oh Ange.... you are going to get put on a pedestal whether you like it or not!

You have entered a profession where respect - big gushy fawning respect - is going to come at you in spades from certain quarters.

But don't worry - the baseless rudeness from other quarters along with the horrible bits of the job (that you would know much more about than I) are going to even it out!

Smile and accept graciously.  I am sure that that person will be feeling great right now, and will entertain her family with a tale of 'the gorgeous young mother who is going to be a minister' that she met today around her dinner table tonight!

#13 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:14 PM

QUOTE (Lucretia Borgia @ 01/02/2013, 05:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I mean, what favour could she expect from you in return .?


Realistically, not anything.  I think it was pure generosity.  I think your suggestion is a good one, and I might do that when I return the stuff.

ETA: Mel, you are so right about it being balanced out!   laughing2.gif

Edited by Ange Vert, 01 February 2013 - 04:16 PM.


#14 Another one

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:21 PM

Mostly I would say no but in the situation you described you could accept. I'd probably want to pay the hire at least.

#15 CallMeFeral

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:25 PM

She's just trying to get brownie points for heaven... Tounge1.gif

Accept graciously. There are situations where it's a bit yucky, but in the end not accepting is not helping anybody either.

I have issues with this when Doctors treat other doctors and their families for free. I mean it's a you scratch my back I scratch yours thing, but I find it in poor taste for one of the richest professions there is, to be getting all the health related freebies that the poor can't afford. I suppose especially because it's something as basic as health. I'd rather they gave the freebies to the disadvantaged, if they can afford freebies.

But I think graduation gowns is less contentious wink.gif

#16 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:31 PM

Crikey Ange - what are you going to do when the proper bribes start laughing2.gif

Enjoy - it's just one of those things. Plus for everyone who wants to be extra nice to you just in case God is watching there will be another 10 doing the opposite because - well, because there are more asshats than nice people.

Next time one of those gross perverts tries to get too close think how much you earned the free academic dress.

And enjoy your graduation - congratulations!

#17 KnightsofNi

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:36 PM

It depends. Did you promise her access to heaven in exchange for the freebie?

#18 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:45 PM

Something tells me AV might share similar thoughts to Martin Luther when it comes to the selling of indulgences!


#19 Feral_Pooks

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:47 PM

I'd accept it as generosity.

Sometimes you see people who you see as doing something very worthwhile for little financial gain, and you want to throw them a freebie or something to show you that what you do is appreciated.

A friend of mine was a busker who was much liked by local shopkeepers and he got freebies a fair bit. Religious clerical folk, youth workers out on the streets, they often get freebies. Sometimes teachers and doctors and nurses will too, although maybe less these days. Coppers, now they know how to get a freebie!

Look, if it were a conflict of interest or a pattern or behaviour I'd look into it more, but as a one off, I'd accept it.

As a social worker we are told as a general rule not to accept gifts, but to be honest a few times I have- when I am no longer working with a person and it's a pure act of appreciation and generosity. If it makes the person giving the gift/freebie happy, let them original.gif

#20 Fr0g

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:55 PM

QUOTE (Time-to-Shine @ 01/02/2013, 05:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It depends. Did you promise her access to heaven in exchange for the freebie?


Lol. This.

Accept the freebie. Wish I got appreciation freebies *sulks*

#21 purplekitty

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:12 PM

Gifts are often tricky but I think you could accept this one in the generous spirit it was given if it is her business.

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 01/02/2013, 04:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have issues with this when Doctors treat other doctors and their families for free. I mean it's a you scratch my back I scratch yours thing, but I find it in poor taste for one of the richest professions there is, to be getting all the health related freebies that the poor can't afford. I suppose especially because it's something as basic as health. I'd rather they gave the freebies to the disadvantaged, if they can afford freebies.
It's a courtesy,what is in poor taste about it. Some do,some don't.
Surely it's up to the individual whether they accept the rebate only and lose the extra income.

There is a whole range of incomes across the medical profession ,and a lot of HECS debt. just like other careers.

#22 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:15 PM

QUOTE (Dinosaurus @ 01/02/2013, 05:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And enjoy your graduation - congratulations!


Thanks, but it's not my graduation.  Just one of those formal occasions where academic dress is required!

QUOTE (Time-to-Shine @ 01/02/2013, 05:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It depends. Did you promise her access to heaven in exchange for the freebie?


laughing2.gif  Maybe if I add that promise to the prayer request thread, it will get more traffic?

Edited by Ange Vert, 01 February 2013 - 05:15 PM.


#23 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:17 PM

QUOTE (WingBob @ 01/02/2013, 04:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Depends on whether there could be a perception that you might be influenced to treat the donor in a more favourable light as a result of the gift. If there is room for doubt, refuse it.

this.

Given what you are studying, I'm not sure how you can pull strings for her.  It's out of your hands ....

#24 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:23 PM

I guess the thing is (I'm thinking about it a bit more) I know stuff like this happens.  In some places it's very very common, to the point that I once heard an old priest advise a bunch of newbies to always check in for flights in clerical collars, and get free upgrades.  

And I don't mind an individual's generosity, that's lovely.  But when there's a culture of treating people as special because of what we do...I see that there’s something there that speaks of the unhealthiness of clericalism, of life lived on a pedestal, of something that gets so easily abused and twisted into really dark stuff.  And I wonder if it’s an important step towards overcoming that, to refuse this sort of small privilege.  And I think it's appalling when people start to expect it!

#25 purplekitty

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:31 PM

I can see what you mean and while this is a small thing ,why you might want to start as you are going to continue.
It being the principle of the thing.
The gift is because of your position rather than as gratitude and recognition for something you have personally done for someone.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

When your partner doesn't want you to breastfeed

Dads can have many reasons for not wanting their partners to breastfeed their baby, but both parents should learn more about it before making a final decision.

Model mum Sarah Stage shares post-baby selfie

Most new mums would recoil at the thought, but Sarah Stage has shared a post-pregnancy selfie just four days after giving birth.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Last chance to win a year's supply of toys

You have less than a week left to win your child one of five Fisher-Price toy packs valued at over $600 each - hurry, enter today!

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.