Jump to content

An ethics question


  • Please log in to reply
47 replies to this topic

#1 Mitis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 03:54 PM

I'm in two minds about this one, and I'd like to know what others think.

If someone offers to give you something for which you would normally have to pay, simply because they respect your profession, is it right to take it?  Or should you graciously refuse?

Why?

#2 Beanbag Warrior

Posted 01 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

Need more info!

Initial reaction is to accept graciously as a once off, but pay in future.

Depends on the gift and the position of he person giving it, though

#3 laridae

Posted 01 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

Refuse.  Could be seen as accepting a bribe.

#4 ComradeBob

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:01 PM

Depends on whether there could be a perception that you might be influenced to treat the donor in a more favourable light as a result of the gift. If there is room for doubt, refuse it.

#5 Mitis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:01 PM

QUOTE (Soprano-Cat @ 01/02/2013, 04:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Need more info!


I went to hire academic dress this morning (need it for a function tomorrow).

While chatting to the lady there, I mentioned what I'm studying now.  She refused to charge me the hire fee, or take the usual deposit you get back when you return the stuff.  (So I walked out with the stuff for free).

On the one hand, it was lovely and kind of her and I don't want to be mean about that, but on the other hand... there's something there about being put on a pedestal that has me feeling squirmy.

#6 Fenrir

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:02 PM

QUOTE (laridae @ 01/02/2013, 03:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Refuse.  Could be seen as accepting a bribe.

This. In your profession it could be taken the wrong way.

#7 FiveAus

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:03 PM

Pay it forward and keep the good karma flowing.

#8 threeinnyc

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:04 PM

Don't accept it. My dad's almost perfect reputation was tainted when he took a gift from someone who then reported it to someone that my old man took a bribe  rant.gif



#9 HRH Countrymel

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:06 PM

Depends on the context.

However I gave something to my Tai Chi instructor this morning that I was actually on my way to sell because I respect and like her!

When I was younger I would often be told "No.. you can have that, no need to pay me, your smile has made my day already.."  (I have quite a big mouth - it makes for a big smile, if you haven't become attuned to it you can get a bit overwhelmed!  - This would mostly happen when I lived in a big city.... I never lost my country bumpkin 'smile at everyone' manners..)


Sometimes people just like to give things because it makes them feel good.

If there are no strings attached - no ongoing sense of obligation - then I say 'let them feel good!'

#10 Amy 1976

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:07 PM

Does the lady who offered you the discount own the business? If she does then I guess it's her decision to lose a sale. If she is an employee, you should pay.

I will accept small gifts such as cards, chocolate or a cheap bottle of wine from clients. I don't accept anything larger as I think it creates an obligation.

#11 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:11 PM

I think PPs are right about the need to be careful and to avoid any implication that you have done something untoward like accept a bribe, however, if AV does what I *think* she does, you couldn't really be in a position to take bribes could you...certainly not in that situation? I mean, what favour could she expect from you in return .?

The deposit thing I would accept, as it is just a statement of her trust in you and your profession....maybe like a charity running a soup kitchen and needing to hire some crockery.....and the hire place waiving the bond on the equipment....but maybe insist on paying the actual hire fee?

#12 HRH Countrymel

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:13 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 01/02/2013, 05:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
on the other hand... there's something there about being put on a pedestal that has me feeling squirmy.



Oh Ange.... you are going to get put on a pedestal whether you like it or not!

You have entered a profession where respect - big gushy fawning respect - is going to come at you in spades from certain quarters.

But don't worry - the baseless rudeness from other quarters along with the horrible bits of the job (that you would know much more about than I) are going to even it out!

Smile and accept graciously.  I am sure that that person will be feeling great right now, and will entertain her family with a tale of 'the gorgeous young mother who is going to be a minister' that she met today around her dinner table tonight!

#13 Mitis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:14 PM

QUOTE (Lucretia Borgia @ 01/02/2013, 05:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I mean, what favour could she expect from you in return .?


Realistically, not anything.  I think it was pure generosity.  I think your suggestion is a good one, and I might do that when I return the stuff.

ETA: Mel, you are so right about it being balanced out!   laughing2.gif

Edited by Ange Vert, 01 February 2013 - 04:16 PM.


#14 Another one

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:21 PM

Mostly I would say no but in the situation you described you could accept. I'd probably want to pay the hire at least.

#15 CallMeFeral

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:25 PM

She's just trying to get brownie points for heaven... Tounge1.gif

Accept graciously. There are situations where it's a bit yucky, but in the end not accepting is not helping anybody either.

I have issues with this when Doctors treat other doctors and their families for free. I mean it's a you scratch my back I scratch yours thing, but I find it in poor taste for one of the richest professions there is, to be getting all the health related freebies that the poor can't afford. I suppose especially because it's something as basic as health. I'd rather they gave the freebies to the disadvantaged, if they can afford freebies.

But I think graduation gowns is less contentious wink.gif

#16 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:31 PM

Crikey Ange - what are you going to do when the proper bribes start laughing2.gif

Enjoy - it's just one of those things. Plus for everyone who wants to be extra nice to you just in case God is watching there will be another 10 doing the opposite because - well, because there are more asshats than nice people.

Next time one of those gross perverts tries to get too close think how much you earned the free academic dress.

And enjoy your graduation - congratulations!

#17 KnightsofNi

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:36 PM

It depends. Did you promise her access to heaven in exchange for the freebie?

#18 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:45 PM

Something tells me AV might share similar thoughts to Martin Luther when it comes to the selling of indulgences!


#19 Feral_Pooks

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:47 PM

I'd accept it as generosity.

Sometimes you see people who you see as doing something very worthwhile for little financial gain, and you want to throw them a freebie or something to show you that what you do is appreciated.

A friend of mine was a busker who was much liked by local shopkeepers and he got freebies a fair bit. Religious clerical folk, youth workers out on the streets, they often get freebies. Sometimes teachers and doctors and nurses will too, although maybe less these days. Coppers, now they know how to get a freebie!

Look, if it were a conflict of interest or a pattern or behaviour I'd look into it more, but as a one off, I'd accept it.

As a social worker we are told as a general rule not to accept gifts, but to be honest a few times I have- when I am no longer working with a person and it's a pure act of appreciation and generosity. If it makes the person giving the gift/freebie happy, let them original.gif

#20 Fr0g

Posted 01 February 2013 - 04:55 PM

QUOTE (Time-to-Shine @ 01/02/2013, 05:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It depends. Did you promise her access to heaven in exchange for the freebie?


Lol. This.

Accept the freebie. Wish I got appreciation freebies *sulks*

#21 purplekitty

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:12 PM

Gifts are often tricky but I think you could accept this one in the generous spirit it was given if it is her business.

QUOTE (CallMeProtart @ 01/02/2013, 04:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have issues with this when Doctors treat other doctors and their families for free. I mean it's a you scratch my back I scratch yours thing, but I find it in poor taste for one of the richest professions there is, to be getting all the health related freebies that the poor can't afford. I suppose especially because it's something as basic as health. I'd rather they gave the freebies to the disadvantaged, if they can afford freebies.
It's a courtesy,what is in poor taste about it. Some do,some don't.
Surely it's up to the individual whether they accept the rebate only and lose the extra income.

There is a whole range of incomes across the medical profession ,and a lot of HECS debt. just like other careers.

#22 Mitis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:15 PM

QUOTE (Dinosaurus @ 01/02/2013, 05:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And enjoy your graduation - congratulations!


Thanks, but it's not my graduation.  Just one of those formal occasions where academic dress is required!

QUOTE (Time-to-Shine @ 01/02/2013, 05:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It depends. Did you promise her access to heaven in exchange for the freebie?


laughing2.gif  Maybe if I add that promise to the prayer request thread, it will get more traffic?

Edited by Ange Vert, 01 February 2013 - 05:15 PM.


#23 Queen Yoda

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:17 PM

QUOTE (WingBob @ 01/02/2013, 04:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Depends on whether there could be a perception that you might be influenced to treat the donor in a more favourable light as a result of the gift. If there is room for doubt, refuse it.

this.

Given what you are studying, I'm not sure how you can pull strings for her.  It's out of your hands ....

#24 Mitis angelam

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:23 PM

I guess the thing is (I'm thinking about it a bit more) I know stuff like this happens.  In some places it's very very common, to the point that I once heard an old priest advise a bunch of newbies to always check in for flights in clerical collars, and get free upgrades.  

And I don't mind an individual's generosity, that's lovely.  But when there's a culture of treating people as special because of what we do...I see that there’s something there that speaks of the unhealthiness of clericalism, of life lived on a pedestal, of something that gets so easily abused and twisted into really dark stuff.  And I wonder if it’s an important step towards overcoming that, to refuse this sort of small privilege.  And I think it's appalling when people start to expect it!

#25 purplekitty

Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:31 PM

I can see what you mean and while this is a small thing ,why you might want to start as you are going to continue.
It being the principle of the thing.
The gift is because of your position rather than as gratitude and recognition for something you have personally done for someone.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

Win Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD

To celebrate the release of Love Child Season 2 on DVD from July 9, Essential Baby and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are giving away Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD to 13 lucky winners.

10 things I wish my pre-baby self knew

I look back at my pre-baby self and laugh at how ridiculously easy I actually had it. I remember complaining about how tired I was and how little time I had.

Creative ways to store your child's art

Ideas for storing your child's artworks have moved on from sticking them to the fridge door before guiltily dumping them in the bin.

Child abuse ignored because 'it's not your children': Waleed Aly

Waleed Aly takes apart the immigration law that's designed to "protect politicians"

How a newborn niece changed star Australian basketballer's life

In August 2013 star basketball Abby Bishop was 24-years-old and in the prime of her sporting career.

Guilt is my new shadow

No one warned me that when I gave birth there would be an additional side order of guilt.

12 brilliant Ikea hacks for kids’ rooms

Check out these creative upcycling ideas that transform regular Ikea items into something special for your little ones.

Child's nightmare about 'man with a light' turned out to be real

For three days, a three-year-old boy had been saying there was "a man with a light" outside his window at night.

Toilet truths after giving birth

The thought of going to the toilet after giving birth is often feared, but there are ways to make it less painful.

Woman asks strangers for $1 million to stop her having an abortion

An anonymous woman is taking an extreme moral and ethical stand by seeking $1 million in donations to prevent her going ahead with a planned abortion.

How a woman's dying wish made another woman a mum

"I kind of think about, 'What did I do beforehand? What kept me so busy back then?' Because now I'm really busy."

The parenting do-over: what six parents did differently second time around

In playgrounds across Australia, you can hear parents lamenting, "When we have our next baby I swear I won't be doing THAT again".

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.