Jump to content

Strange neighbour request?


  • Please log in to reply
24 replies to this topic

#1 Baggy

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:13 PM



Sorry in advance if this is a little confusing!

Anyway, I've lived at my place for almost 3 years and my neighbour who lives directly opposite me has been here for around the same time. We never talk to each other. Ever. Just the odd hello here and there. We do hear arguing and yelling coming from their place most nights but don't really take much notice.

A few weeks ago, she came over randomly when she saw me in my front yard. She asked me if I could keep an eye on her house for a certain car parking in her driveway. Apparently her husband has been cheating on her for the last year and she wants to know when the girlfriend has been in her house. She asked if I could come over when she was home alone to let her know. She has knocked on every door in the street that has a view of her house and has asked the same thing. She then started crying and saying how stupid she is and how she has no friends or family etc.  

I told her that I would keep an eye out, and if she ever needs someone to talk to, she's more than welcome to come over for a coffee or whatever.  

I've seen the car pull up at her house quite a few times since then. I have no intention of telling her, because I don't want to get involved, or for her husband to come over to our house and get angry with me. I don't mind if she wants to come over and talk about it or ask for advice though.

I was telling my mum about it, and she thinks I should definitely go over and tell her. I feel pretty strongly against going over there though.  

So WWYD?

#2 WildWhirl

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:18 PM

I wouldn't go over to her place to tell her, but if she came over to ask you directly I think you should tell her.

#3 eigne

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:19 PM

QUOTE (Baggy @ 31/01/2013, 01:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry in advance if this is a little confusing!

Anyway, I've lived at my place for almost 3 years and my neighbour who lives directly opposite me has been here for around the same time. We never talk to each other. Ever. Just the odd hello here and there. We do hear arguing and yelling coming from their place most nights but don't really take much notice.

A few weeks ago, she came over randomly when she saw me in my front yard. She asked me if I could keep an eye on her house for a certain car parking in her driveway. Apparently her husband has been cheating on her for the last year and she wants to know when the girlfriend has been in her house. She asked if I could come over when she was home alone to let her know. She has knocked on every door in the street that has a view of her house and has asked the same thing. She then started crying and saying how stupid she is and how she has no friends or family etc.  

I told her that I would keep an eye out, and if she ever needs someone to talk to, she's more than welcome to come over for a coffee or whatever.  

I've seen the car pull up at her house quite a few times since then. I have no intention of telling her, because I don't want to get involved, or for her husband to come over to our house and get angry with me. I don't mind if she wants to come over and talk about it or ask for advice though.

I was telling my mum about it, and she thinks I should definitely go over and tell her. I feel pretty strongly against going over there though.  

So WWYD?



Would you consider writing an anonymous note? This way she won't know which of the neighbours left it and you can still let her know.


#4 erindiv

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:21 PM

I'd tell her.

Although if she knows he's cheating then why is she still around? Wanting to know when the girlfriend is there? I wouldn't want to know thanks sick.gif

#5 qak

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:22 PM

I like the anonymous note idea too.

(Poor woman  sad.gif  )


#6 Jenflea

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:22 PM

i'd do the anonymous note as well.
That way she doesn't need to know WHO saw the car.

#7 HRH Countrymel

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:26 PM

QUOTE (qak @ 31/01/2013, 02:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I like the anonymous note idea too.

(Poor woman  sad.gif  )



Yup... she asked, you've seen, you don't need to get involved, but you've done as she asked.


What a revolting man.... bringing your mistress to the marital home, yuck!

#8 Beancat

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:28 PM

I like the note idea too, but what if the husband see's it before she does, or gets his hands on it somehow.  I'd be worried he might retaliate

#9 icekool

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:29 PM

Poor woman.

I would leave a note AND a photo. But that is me, I am very detailed.

#10 Wraith

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:30 PM

Take dated photos of the car in question, and the driver getting out and going into the house, and put them in her letterbox. That way she(or her DH) has absolutely no idea who has let her know.

And she can claim she hired a PI lol


Yes...I know...a bit out there but my mind works in weird ways...

#11 PattiODoors

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:31 PM

Poor woman, she sounds pretty desperate.

I'd be doing the same as you OP, offering her a friendly ear but not getting involved the car business. At the end of the day, you don't actually know what's going on, you've only heard her side and you hardly know them to get involved in something so potentially messy and awful.
Sure the car could of been in the driveway but you don't have to have seen it. You could of been out, having a nanna nap, in the back yard, whatever.

I'd continue to offer her a safe haven if things get tough for her but that's it.

#12 MrsWidget

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:33 PM

I'd keep right out of it. Seriously. I feel for her but you have no idea how she will react, or him. She could throw it in his face saying who saw him. He could be violent etc.

If you really need to say anything def make it anonymous. But really keep out of it.mwho knows how long you'll live near them.

Oh and hello.  waves.gif

#13 71Cath

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:34 PM

I feel awful for her, she must be pretty desperate to ask total strangers for help  sad.gif

#14 Baggy

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 31/01/2013, 02:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You said you would tell though, didn't you?  By saying "you'll keep an eye out"?   So I think you should, or otherwise tell her don't want to be involved.  If you said "I'll keep an eye out" and she doesn't hear anything from you, she'll wrongly assume the mistress hasn't been around.


With hindsight,  I shouldn't have said that but I felt a bit on the spot at the time.

QUOTE
Although if she knows he's cheating then why is she still around? Wanting to know when the girlfriend is there? I wouldn't want to know thanks


I did ask, and she said that they are married and she loves him. A lot of her friends and family don't bother talking to her any more because they think she should just leave. I suppose she thinks that if she can get rid of the other woman then they'll be happily married again?



ETA: Hey MrsWidget!   biggrin.gif

Edited by Baggy, 31 January 2013 - 01:40 PM.


#15 Fright bat

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:54 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 31/01/2013, 02:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You said you would tell though, didn't you?  By saying "you'll keep an eye out"?   So I think you should, or otherwise tell her don't want to be involved.  If you said "I'll keep an eye out" and she doesn't hear anything from you, she'll wrongly assume the mistress hasn't been around.


This. By agreeing to tell her then not, you are aiding her husband.

Either you needed the balls to tell her you wouldn't help then, or you need to go tell her now that you don't feel comfortable spying on her husband. Hiding in silence is cruel and unfair.

#16 *melrose*

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:14 PM

Tell her!!!!!

#17 NunSoFeral

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:26 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 31/01/2013, 01:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This. By agreeing to tell her then not, you are aiding her husband.

Either you needed the balls to tell her you wouldn't help then, or you need to go tell her now that you don't feel comfortable spying on her husband. Hiding in silence is cruel and unfair.


Yeah - I'd be telling or telling her I've changed my mind and am not doing it.
If telling do it either face to face or via a note if you are worried about repercussions.


#18 Last Goodbye

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:32 PM

Just be careful if you take photos and post them off anon because it's easy to tell what angle they were taken from.  

I would tell her too.  She was obviously desperate to ensure her husband isn't lying to her that she's had to ask her neighbours to keep an eye out.  

Who knows why she didn't leave, many people don't just up and leave their cheating partner and will give their marriage another shot and work through the trust issues.  Maybe he has told her that he has ended it with the mistress and this is just her way to find out if she can really trust him.  

I feel for her, she has no family or friends left by the sounds of it and her husband is screwing around on her.  She must be in a terribly lonely place right now.

#19 erindiv

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:38 PM

QUOTE (Baggy @ 31/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I did ask, and she said that they are married and she loves him. A lot of her friends and family don't bother talking to her any more because they think she should just leave. I suppose she thinks that if she can get rid of the other woman then they'll be happily married again?



sad.gif

#20 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:44 PM

Tell her.
By saying that you would 'keep an eye out' and then not telling her is helping him and also giving her one less person to possibly trust.

She must be very alone to be door knocking for help.

#21 SophieBear

Posted 31 January 2013 - 03:06 PM

QUOTE (MrsWidget @ 31/01/2013, 02:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd keep right out of it. Seriously. I feel for her but you have no idea how she will react, or him. She could throw it in his face saying who saw him. He could be violent etc.


Yeah, this!

It's quite the pickle you're in though OP! I feel very sad for that lady  sad.gif

#22 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 31 January 2013 - 03:27 PM

QUOTE (spellfall @ 31/01/2013, 02:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Would you consider writing an anonymous note? This way she won't know which of the neighbours left it and you can still let her know.


This maybe but otherwise I'd stay well out of it. You don't know them and it's honestly not worth the potential risk to you and your girls.


#23 MrsLexiK

Posted 31 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

QUOTE (tazcan @ 31/01/2013, 02:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't go over to her place to tell her, but if she came over to ask you directly I think you should tell her.

This but I wouldn't have told her that I would tell her either when she first asked.

#24 Swarley

Posted 31 January 2013 - 05:59 PM

The poor woman. She sounds distraught sad.gif

I'd only be game enough to drop off an anon. note. I wouldn't like to get any further involved than that incase he reacted agressively, but I don't think I could consciously ignore it completely knowing how much she must be suffering.

#25 Peppery

Posted 31 January 2013 - 06:04 PM

What an awful situation. I would be inclined to send an anonymous note detailing what you have seen.







0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How an inquest into one stillbirth is saving lives

A ground-breaking court case that has focused solely on one stillborn baby has already helped to save the lives of other babies.

Get them into reading early with a Nouk book subscription

There's no bonding activity quite like reading to your baby or toddler, and all the signs point to it being important for social and literacy development as well.

I don't want my husband to go on a buck's trip

My husband's best friend is getting married and has planned a men's bachelor party.

The celeb parents who needed a mediator to stop fighting over baby names

Deciding on a baby name can be a fraught experience for many parents.

May Gibbs' 'Gumnut Babies' turns 100 with a special edition, coins, stamps and more

It's time to celebrate the centenary of May Gibbs' very first book release, Gumnut Babies.

African baby names

We have some absolutely gorgeous selections of African baby names for you to consider for your baby.

The mum who retrained to became a plumber

One company refused to give her an apprenticeship because they believed she would be too much of a distraction to the males. 

Meningococcal meningitis: signs, treatment and prevention

What is meningococcal meningitis, why does it occur in seasons, and why does it strike fear into the hearts of so many?

I was scared of the dentist ... and my son paid the price

It was a moment where I could certainly learn from his behaviour, and not him from mine.

Family of toddler killed by alligator at Disney honours his third birthday

The family told supporters that they wanted to celebrate the boy's "first birthday in heaven".

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

7 tips to help you prepare your home for parenthood

Prep your home to make becoming a new parent as stress-free as possible.

Fatherhood to the beat of Daniel's drum

Daniel Gibney knew fatherhood would change him, but he didn't realise it would lead to a global business venture for his family.

A case of gastro and the mummy mean girls

I don't blame any first-time mother who is terrified of her or her baby catching gastro, but it will find you eventually.

Zooey Deschanel's cake smash fail for daughter Elsie

"I kept seeing on the Internet, 'You gotta make a smash cake for your one-year-old,' so I'm like, 'I'm making this cake just so she can smash it.'"

Five things mums should never do

Although I preach the "each to their own" method of parenting, it's unavoidable to have those moments of panic.

Mum allegedly 'groped' while holding toddler in Sydney pool

A mum has told of her horror after she was allegedly sexually assaulted while at a swimming centre with her two young children.

'It whacked me': Michelle Bridges on sleep deprivation and returning to exercise

Michelle Bridges knows a lot about health and fitness, but when she became a mum she had to learn a few lessons the hard way.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Hawaii beachfront resort holiday for two!

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 4 trips for two to Hawaii, staying at Outrigger resorts in Waikiki.

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.