Jump to content

Strange neighbour request?


  • Please log in to reply
24 replies to this topic

#1 Baggy

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:13 PM



Sorry in advance if this is a little confusing!

Anyway, I've lived at my place for almost 3 years and my neighbour who lives directly opposite me has been here for around the same time. We never talk to each other. Ever. Just the odd hello here and there. We do hear arguing and yelling coming from their place most nights but don't really take much notice.

A few weeks ago, she came over randomly when she saw me in my front yard. She asked me if I could keep an eye on her house for a certain car parking in her driveway. Apparently her husband has been cheating on her for the last year and she wants to know when the girlfriend has been in her house. She asked if I could come over when she was home alone to let her know. She has knocked on every door in the street that has a view of her house and has asked the same thing. She then started crying and saying how stupid she is and how she has no friends or family etc.  

I told her that I would keep an eye out, and if she ever needs someone to talk to, she's more than welcome to come over for a coffee or whatever.  

I've seen the car pull up at her house quite a few times since then. I have no intention of telling her, because I don't want to get involved, or for her husband to come over to our house and get angry with me. I don't mind if she wants to come over and talk about it or ask for advice though.

I was telling my mum about it, and she thinks I should definitely go over and tell her. I feel pretty strongly against going over there though.  

So WWYD?

#2 tazcan

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:18 PM

I wouldn't go over to her place to tell her, but if she came over to ask you directly I think you should tell her.

#3 eigne

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:19 PM

QUOTE (Baggy @ 31/01/2013, 01:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry in advance if this is a little confusing!

Anyway, I've lived at my place for almost 3 years and my neighbour who lives directly opposite me has been here for around the same time. We never talk to each other. Ever. Just the odd hello here and there. We do hear arguing and yelling coming from their place most nights but don't really take much notice.

A few weeks ago, she came over randomly when she saw me in my front yard. She asked me if I could keep an eye on her house for a certain car parking in her driveway. Apparently her husband has been cheating on her for the last year and she wants to know when the girlfriend has been in her house. She asked if I could come over when she was home alone to let her know. She has knocked on every door in the street that has a view of her house and has asked the same thing. She then started crying and saying how stupid she is and how she has no friends or family etc.  

I told her that I would keep an eye out, and if she ever needs someone to talk to, she's more than welcome to come over for a coffee or whatever.  

I've seen the car pull up at her house quite a few times since then. I have no intention of telling her, because I don't want to get involved, or for her husband to come over to our house and get angry with me. I don't mind if she wants to come over and talk about it or ask for advice though.

I was telling my mum about it, and she thinks I should definitely go over and tell her. I feel pretty strongly against going over there though.  

So WWYD?



Would you consider writing an anonymous note? This way she won't know which of the neighbours left it and you can still let her know.


#4 erindiv

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:21 PM

I'd tell her.

Although if she knows he's cheating then why is she still around? Wanting to know when the girlfriend is there? I wouldn't want to know thanks sick.gif

#5 qak

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:22 PM

I like the anonymous note idea too.

(Poor woman  sad.gif  )


#6 Marchioness Flea

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:22 PM

i'd do the anonymous note as well.
That way she doesn't need to know WHO saw the car.

#7 HRH Countrymel

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:26 PM

QUOTE (qak @ 31/01/2013, 02:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I like the anonymous note idea too.

(Poor woman  sad.gif  )



Yup... she asked, you've seen, you don't need to get involved, but you've done as she asked.


What a revolting man.... bringing your mistress to the marital home, yuck!

#8 Beancat

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:28 PM

I like the note idea too, but what if the husband see's it before she does, or gets his hands on it somehow.  I'd be worried he might retaliate

#9 icekool

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:29 PM

Poor woman.

I would leave a note AND a photo. But that is me, I am very detailed.

#10 Fenrir

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:30 PM

Take dated photos of the car in question, and the driver getting out and going into the house, and put them in her letterbox. That way she(or her DH) has absolutely no idea who has let her know.

And she can claim she hired a PI lol


Yes...I know...a bit out there but my mind works in weird ways...

#11 Funky Cold Ribena

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:31 PM

Poor woman, she sounds pretty desperate.

I'd be doing the same as you OP, offering her a friendly ear but not getting involved the car business. At the end of the day, you don't actually know what's going on, you've only heard her side and you hardly know them to get involved in something so potentially messy and awful.
Sure the car could of been in the driveway but you don't have to have seen it. You could of been out, having a nanna nap, in the back yard, whatever.

I'd continue to offer her a safe haven if things get tough for her but that's it.

#12 MrsWidget

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:33 PM

I'd keep right out of it. Seriously. I feel for her but you have no idea how she will react, or him. She could throw it in his face saying who saw him. He could be violent etc.

If you really need to say anything def make it anonymous. But really keep out of it.mwho knows how long you'll live near them.

Oh and hello.  waves.gif

#13 71Cath

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:34 PM

I feel awful for her, she must be pretty desperate to ask total strangers for help  sad.gif

#14 Baggy

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 31/01/2013, 02:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You said you would tell though, didn't you?  By saying "you'll keep an eye out"?   So I think you should, or otherwise tell her don't want to be involved.  If you said "I'll keep an eye out" and she doesn't hear anything from you, she'll wrongly assume the mistress hasn't been around.


With hindsight,  I shouldn't have said that but I felt a bit on the spot at the time.

QUOTE
Although if she knows he's cheating then why is she still around? Wanting to know when the girlfriend is there? I wouldn't want to know thanks


I did ask, and she said that they are married and she loves him. A lot of her friends and family don't bother talking to her any more because they think she should just leave. I suppose she thinks that if she can get rid of the other woman then they'll be happily married again?



ETA: Hey MrsWidget!   biggrin.gif

Edited by Baggy, 31 January 2013 - 01:40 PM.


#15 Fright bat

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:54 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 31/01/2013, 02:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You said you would tell though, didn't you?  By saying "you'll keep an eye out"?   So I think you should, or otherwise tell her don't want to be involved.  If you said "I'll keep an eye out" and she doesn't hear anything from you, she'll wrongly assume the mistress hasn't been around.


This. By agreeing to tell her then not, you are aiding her husband.

Either you needed the balls to tell her you wouldn't help then, or you need to go tell her now that you don't feel comfortable spying on her husband. Hiding in silence is cruel and unfair.

#16 *melrose*

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:14 PM

Tell her!!!!!

#17 NunSoFeral

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:26 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 31/01/2013, 01:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This. By agreeing to tell her then not, you are aiding her husband.

Either you needed the balls to tell her you wouldn't help then, or you need to go tell her now that you don't feel comfortable spying on her husband. Hiding in silence is cruel and unfair.


Yeah - I'd be telling or telling her I've changed my mind and am not doing it.
If telling do it either face to face or via a note if you are worried about repercussions.


#18 Last Goodbye

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:32 PM

Just be careful if you take photos and post them off anon because it's easy to tell what angle they were taken from.  

I would tell her too.  She was obviously desperate to ensure her husband isn't lying to her that she's had to ask her neighbours to keep an eye out.  

Who knows why she didn't leave, many people don't just up and leave their cheating partner and will give their marriage another shot and work through the trust issues.  Maybe he has told her that he has ended it with the mistress and this is just her way to find out if she can really trust him.  

I feel for her, she has no family or friends left by the sounds of it and her husband is screwing around on her.  She must be in a terribly lonely place right now.

#19 erindiv

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:38 PM

QUOTE (Baggy @ 31/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I did ask, and she said that they are married and she loves him. A lot of her friends and family don't bother talking to her any more because they think she should just leave. I suppose she thinks that if she can get rid of the other woman then they'll be happily married again?



sad.gif

#20 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:44 PM

Tell her.
By saying that you would 'keep an eye out' and then not telling her is helping him and also giving her one less person to possibly trust.

She must be very alone to be door knocking for help.

#21 SophieBear

Posted 31 January 2013 - 03:06 PM

QUOTE (MrsWidget @ 31/01/2013, 02:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd keep right out of it. Seriously. I feel for her but you have no idea how she will react, or him. She could throw it in his face saying who saw him. He could be violent etc.


Yeah, this!

It's quite the pickle you're in though OP! I feel very sad for that lady  sad.gif

#22 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 31 January 2013 - 03:27 PM

QUOTE (spellfall @ 31/01/2013, 02:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Would you consider writing an anonymous note? This way she won't know which of the neighbours left it and you can still let her know.


This maybe but otherwise I'd stay well out of it. You don't know them and it's honestly not worth the potential risk to you and your girls.


#23 MrsLexiK

Posted 31 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

QUOTE (tazcan @ 31/01/2013, 02:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't go over to her place to tell her, but if she came over to ask you directly I think you should tell her.

This but I wouldn't have told her that I would tell her either when she first asked.

#24 Swarley

Posted 31 January 2013 - 05:59 PM

The poor woman. She sounds distraught sad.gif

I'd only be game enough to drop off an anon. note. I wouldn't like to get any further involved than that incase he reacted agressively, but I don't think I could consciously ignore it completely knowing how much she must be suffering.

#25 Peppery

Posted 31 January 2013 - 06:04 PM

What an awful situation. I would be inclined to send an anonymous note detailing what you have seen.







1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.