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Strange neighbour request?


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#1 Baggy

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:13 PM



Sorry in advance if this is a little confusing!

Anyway, I've lived at my place for almost 3 years and my neighbour who lives directly opposite me has been here for around the same time. We never talk to each other. Ever. Just the odd hello here and there. We do hear arguing and yelling coming from their place most nights but don't really take much notice.

A few weeks ago, she came over randomly when she saw me in my front yard. She asked me if I could keep an eye on her house for a certain car parking in her driveway. Apparently her husband has been cheating on her for the last year and she wants to know when the girlfriend has been in her house. She asked if I could come over when she was home alone to let her know. She has knocked on every door in the street that has a view of her house and has asked the same thing. She then started crying and saying how stupid she is and how she has no friends or family etc.  

I told her that I would keep an eye out, and if she ever needs someone to talk to, she's more than welcome to come over for a coffee or whatever.  

I've seen the car pull up at her house quite a few times since then. I have no intention of telling her, because I don't want to get involved, or for her husband to come over to our house and get angry with me. I don't mind if she wants to come over and talk about it or ask for advice though.

I was telling my mum about it, and she thinks I should definitely go over and tell her. I feel pretty strongly against going over there though.  

So WWYD?

#2 tazcan

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:18 PM

I wouldn't go over to her place to tell her, but if she came over to ask you directly I think you should tell her.

#3 spellfall

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:19 PM

QUOTE (Baggy @ 31/01/2013, 01:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry in advance if this is a little confusing!

Anyway, I've lived at my place for almost 3 years and my neighbour who lives directly opposite me has been here for around the same time. We never talk to each other. Ever. Just the odd hello here and there. We do hear arguing and yelling coming from their place most nights but don't really take much notice.

A few weeks ago, she came over randomly when she saw me in my front yard. She asked me if I could keep an eye on her house for a certain car parking in her driveway. Apparently her husband has been cheating on her for the last year and she wants to know when the girlfriend has been in her house. She asked if I could come over when she was home alone to let her know. She has knocked on every door in the street that has a view of her house and has asked the same thing. She then started crying and saying how stupid she is and how she has no friends or family etc.  

I told her that I would keep an eye out, and if she ever needs someone to talk to, she's more than welcome to come over for a coffee or whatever.  

I've seen the car pull up at her house quite a few times since then. I have no intention of telling her, because I don't want to get involved, or for her husband to come over to our house and get angry with me. I don't mind if she wants to come over and talk about it or ask for advice though.

I was telling my mum about it, and she thinks I should definitely go over and tell her. I feel pretty strongly against going over there though.  

So WWYD?



Would you consider writing an anonymous note? This way she won't know which of the neighbours left it and you can still let her know.


#4 erindiv

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:21 PM

I'd tell her.

Although if she knows he's cheating then why is she still around? Wanting to know when the girlfriend is there? I wouldn't want to know thanks sick.gif

#5 qak

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:22 PM

I like the anonymous note idea too.

(Poor woman  sad.gif  )


#6 Jenflea

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:22 PM

i'd do the anonymous note as well.
That way she doesn't need to know WHO saw the car.

#7 countrymel

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:26 PM

QUOTE (qak @ 31/01/2013, 02:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I like the anonymous note idea too.

(Poor woman  sad.gif  )



Yup... she asked, you've seen, you don't need to get involved, but you've done as she asked.


What a revolting man.... bringing your mistress to the marital home, yuck!

#8 Beancat

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:28 PM

I like the note idea too, but what if the husband see's it before she does, or gets his hands on it somehow.  I'd be worried he might retaliate

#9 icekool

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:29 PM

Poor woman.

I would leave a note AND a photo. But that is me, I am very detailed.

#10 Great Dame

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:29 PM

You said you would tell though, didn't you?  By saying "you'll keep an eye out"?   So I think you should, or otherwise tell her don't want to be involved.  If you said "I'll keep an eye out" and she doesn't hear anything from you, she'll wrongly assume the mistress hasn't been around.

#11 EuphoricDysphoria

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:30 PM

Take dated photos of the car in question, and the driver getting out and going into the house, and put them in her letterbox. That way she(or her DH) has absolutely no idea who has let her know.

And she can claim she hired a PI lol


Yes...I know...a bit out there but my mind works in weird ways...

#12 hayzee fantayzee

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:31 PM

Poor woman, she sounds pretty desperate.

I'd be doing the same as you OP, offering her a friendly ear but not getting involved the car business. At the end of the day, you don't actually know what's going on, you've only heard her side and you hardly know them to get involved in something so potentially messy and awful.
Sure the car could of been in the driveway but you don't have to have seen it. You could of been out, having a nanna nap, in the back yard, whatever.

I'd continue to offer her a safe haven if things get tough for her but that's it.

#13 MrsWidget

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:33 PM

I'd keep right out of it. Seriously. I feel for her but you have no idea how she will react, or him. She could throw it in his face saying who saw him. He could be violent etc.

If you really need to say anything def make it anonymous. But really keep out of it.mwho knows how long you'll live near them.

Oh and hello.  waves.gif

#14 71Cath

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:34 PM

I feel awful for her, she must be pretty desperate to ask total strangers for help  sad.gif

#15 Baggy

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 31/01/2013, 02:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You said you would tell though, didn't you?  By saying "you'll keep an eye out"?   So I think you should, or otherwise tell her don't want to be involved.  If you said "I'll keep an eye out" and she doesn't hear anything from you, she'll wrongly assume the mistress hasn't been around.


With hindsight,  I shouldn't have said that but I felt a bit on the spot at the time.

QUOTE
Although if she knows he's cheating then why is she still around? Wanting to know when the girlfriend is there? I wouldn't want to know thanks


I did ask, and she said that they are married and she loves him. A lot of her friends and family don't bother talking to her any more because they think she should just leave. I suppose she thinks that if she can get rid of the other woman then they'll be happily married again?



ETA: Hey MrsWidget!   biggrin.gif

Edited by Baggy, 31 January 2013 - 01:40 PM.


#16 Regular Show

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:40 PM

I had a neighbors man friend come over (to every house in street) to inform us of a situation at a house. A woman had broken up with her partner who was abusive and stalking her. We were asked to call the police if we saw this particular car at her house.

We did it. Im not sure about the other neighbors though. We also gave her our phone number and said if she ever needed help that she was welcome to come over, even in an emergency.

I think you should tell her. Just ask her not to tell her husband it was you. He wont know it was you.

#17 agnodice

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:54 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 31/01/2013, 02:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You said you would tell though, didn't you?  By saying "you'll keep an eye out"?   So I think you should, or otherwise tell her don't want to be involved.  If you said "I'll keep an eye out" and she doesn't hear anything from you, she'll wrongly assume the mistress hasn't been around.


This. By agreeing to tell her then not, you are aiding her husband.

Either you needed the balls to tell her you wouldn't help then, or you need to go tell her now that you don't feel comfortable spying on her husband. Hiding in silence is cruel and unfair.

#18 *melrose*

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:14 PM

Tell her!!!!!

#19 gettheetoanunnery

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:26 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 31/01/2013, 01:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This. By agreeing to tell her then not, you are aiding her husband.

Either you needed the balls to tell her you wouldn't help then, or you need to go tell her now that you don't feel comfortable spying on her husband. Hiding in silence is cruel and unfair.


Yeah - I'd be telling or telling her I've changed my mind and am not doing it.
If telling do it either face to face or via a note if you are worried about repercussions.


#20 Last Goodbye

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:32 PM

Just be careful if you take photos and post them off anon because it's easy to tell what angle they were taken from.  

I would tell her too.  She was obviously desperate to ensure her husband isn't lying to her that she's had to ask her neighbours to keep an eye out.  

Who knows why she didn't leave, many people don't just up and leave their cheating partner and will give their marriage another shot and work through the trust issues.  Maybe he has told her that he has ended it with the mistress and this is just her way to find out if she can really trust him.  

I feel for her, she has no family or friends left by the sounds of it and her husband is screwing around on her.  She must be in a terribly lonely place right now.

#21 erindiv

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:38 PM

QUOTE (Baggy @ 31/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I did ask, and she said that they are married and she loves him. A lot of her friends and family don't bother talking to her any more because they think she should just leave. I suppose she thinks that if she can get rid of the other woman then they'll be happily married again?



sad.gif

#22 squeekums

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:44 PM

Tell her.
By saying that you would 'keep an eye out' and then not telling her is helping him and also giving her one less person to possibly trust.

She must be very alone to be door knocking for help.

#23 SophieBear

Posted 31 January 2013 - 03:06 PM

QUOTE (MrsWidget @ 31/01/2013, 02:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd keep right out of it. Seriously. I feel for her but you have no idea how she will react, or him. She could throw it in his face saying who saw him. He could be violent etc.


Yeah, this!

It's quite the pickle you're in though OP! I feel very sad for that lady  sad.gif

#24 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 31 January 2013 - 03:27 PM

QUOTE (spellfall @ 31/01/2013, 02:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Would you consider writing an anonymous note? This way she won't know which of the neighbours left it and you can still let her know.


This maybe but otherwise I'd stay well out of it. You don't know them and it's honestly not worth the potential risk to you and your girls.


#25 MrsLexiK

Posted 31 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

QUOTE (tazcan @ 31/01/2013, 02:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't go over to her place to tell her, but if she came over to ask you directly I think you should tell her.

This but I wouldn't have told her that I would tell her either when she first asked.




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