Jump to content

How to help my sister
IVF


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Brownie22

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:02 AM

Hi,

My sister is going through IVF. She has had 3 stim cycles. Her second resulted in a BFP but it was a blighted ovum. There were no frosties from that cycle.

She just had her 3rd stim cycle. They got 8 but not one fertilized. She just called me in tears. They don't know why it happened because all looked good.

Has this happened to any of you?

I don't know what to say to her. My thought is that maybe she should change clinics but she prefers to stay because they know her.

I also think maybe she should take a break. She is 34 so I think she does have a bit of time.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do? Do you think changing clinics is a good idea - should I encourage her to do that? Or should I not offer any advice and just listen?

TIA

Edited by Brownie22, 31 January 2013 - 11:13 AM.


#2 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:14 AM

Can you direct her here so she can chat to other women in the same position?

#3 dimensionk

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:18 AM

I think changing clinics is a good suggestion. No guarantees it will help of course, but it does seem to turn a lot of people's luck around (refer to 'Advice or regrets for newbies' thread), so worth a shot. Simply changing to a new fertility specialist might be just as good. Regarding none of them fertilising, they can try ICSI next time (if not already?). This is what we used, where they inject the sperm directly into the egg. If they were using that anyway, then google... no eggs fertilised ...and read the first result. Changing clinics seems to have helped several people.

Edited by dimensionk, 31 January 2013 - 11:38 AM.


#4 kez71

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:40 AM

how awful for your sister to get none fertilize. At this stage I wouldn't want to change clinics because then youd have to start over with someone not knowing what youve already tried.
If I were in your shoes, I think just listening would be more helpful than telling her to try this and that. As someone who tried for 7 years to have a baby, I really didn't appreciate people telling me what to do. I knew they meant well, but Id done more research on the subject than they could ever know, so I hated it when they would tell me to try this or that as if I was an idiot who knew nothing.
Being infertile does make you a bit more sensitive about stuff. I found that anyway. So my advice is to not give advice unless she asks for it. Just listen and sympathise.

#5 EloiseIVF

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:20 PM

That is very upsetting, but sadly it happens a lot around here. I did five stim cycles last year and only ever got to transfer once (and BFN). On the face of it I tend to agree with Kez on transferring clinics, because it seems too early to do that. I also agree with dimensionk that sometimes a change is the answer, but at this stage I just think its a bit premature (unless there is some particular issue with the clinic that we're not privy to). The best thing you can do is exactly what you are doing: be there, listen and care for her. Bwok-Bwok is right: direct her here. There are bound to be ladies here whose stories are very similar and who might be able to help her to think through the best course of action. It seems to me that no other group of "patients" on the planet know as much about their treatment options as IVFers; and while we are not fertility doctors, many of us play very active roles in researching our options and contributing to the decision making around our protocols. At the very least, we undertand all too well what she's feeling right now and are always happy to help shoulder the burden.

#6 CountryFeral

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:36 PM

There isn't anything you can do alas....   it is great that she can cry with you though!  

My sister and I don't have that kind of relationship so I have kept my IVF drama to myself and (THANK YOU SO MUCH!!) EB!

I was only talking with my GP last week about how I was on 'an online support group' and she was thrilled.. "IVF is not a journey you can do alone." were her words.

Like PPs have said - you don't need to offer any advice, and I have to say advice from 'outsiders' (outside IVF) can really rub you up the wrong way on the wrong day as it is usually overly optimistic or complete;y irrelevant to your situation..... just listen.





#7 MrsLexiK

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:43 PM

Hi OP,

I am a privatish person in real life, and whilst I will talk about the issues I had and what my dr had said and what he recommended that was about it.  If I had called my sister up in tears I would want her to just listen to me.  I think def point her in the direction of a support forum.  If you have been through it before then I would offer more advice about perhaps looking at changing etc but if my sister offered advice about something with my issues and my emontions where already all over the place I would most probably take it the wrong way and it is probably something that I have not been told by others heaps before.    

Good luck to your sister

#8 Brownie22

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:59 PM

Thanks so much ladies. It appears the consensus is to keep my opinions to myself! If you knew me you'd know that is not easy but I'll do my best.

She is part of a facebook group so she gets support that way but I wanted to know what I can do  as someone who has not been through IVF.

Thanks again.

I wish you all the very best on your journeys.

#9 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:40 PM

QUOTE
Thanks so much ladies. It appears the consensus is to keep my opinions to myself! If you knew me you'd know that is not easy but I'll do my best
.

Opinions yes, keep them to yourself (unless you have been there IYKWIM) - but don't be afraid to ask questions either. But don't question her decisions either! What might seem strange to you, doesn't necessarily mean it is to her.

GL to your sister and have that shoulder ready for her. original.gif


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How to tell if your child has a speech or language problem

 Left untreated, children who start school with speech and language difficulties face an increased risk of reading and writing difficulties, more bullying, poorer peer relationships and less enjoyment of school. So, what should parents expect of children at different ages?

Finding your tribe as a new mum

How was my renegade mother's group different from my first? They were my kind of people. My tribe.

Following your child's emotional roadmap

Psychologist Angharad Candlin will guide parents through their child's emotional development during her seminar at the Essential Baby and Toddler Show in Sydney this weekend.

Delivery room surprises: when gender predictions are wrong

Out of all the questions asked of mums-to-be, “Do you know what you're having?” would be right up there in popularity. Sometimes,

The fertility battle we don't talk about

“You’re nowhere near menopausal,” my doctor cheerily informed me, and my heart sank. I don’t want to live with worry about pregnancy anymore.

'My morning sickness was so bad I'm not having any more kids'

“All the horrible stuff was totally worth it to have my son. But there is absolutely no way I could go through it all again.”

The 'no children' wedding invite

It was the wedding of one of my oldest and dearest friends, and she had invited me to be her bridesmaid. It was quite an honour. But there was one problem.

Baby Dylan recovering well after spending five days alone

 For up to five days he lay alone after his mother died of a suspected drug overdose, but eight-month-old Dylan Micallef has made an incredible recovery.

Win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher

Fill out this quick survey and tell us in 25 words or less your best pregnancy or parenting tip - you'll go in the draw to win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher.

The mystery of William Tyrell, little boy lost

The question remains: How does a little boy simply vanish without a trace?

Woman fights off robber, then gives birth

A thief in the US got more than he bargained for when he try to rob a woman who was nine months pregnant because he figured she would be an easy target.

Video: Two-year-old tells mum off for laughing at her

This little girl is not happy that her mum started laughing during her performance - so she tells her exactly how she feels about it.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

Does this baby say 'I love you'?

She's only 10 weeks old, but this baby is already dividing people around the world.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

My Wellbeing

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.