Jump to content

How to help my sister
IVF


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Brownie22

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:02 AM

Hi,

My sister is going through IVF. She has had 3 stim cycles. Her second resulted in a BFP but it was a blighted ovum. There were no frosties from that cycle.

She just had her 3rd stim cycle. They got 8 but not one fertilized. She just called me in tears. They don't know why it happened because all looked good.

Has this happened to any of you?

I don't know what to say to her. My thought is that maybe she should change clinics but she prefers to stay because they know her.

I also think maybe she should take a break. She is 34 so I think she does have a bit of time.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do? Do you think changing clinics is a good idea - should I encourage her to do that? Or should I not offer any advice and just listen?

TIA

Edited by Brownie22, 31 January 2013 - 11:13 AM.


#2 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:14 AM

Can you direct her here so she can chat to other women in the same position?

#3 dimensionk

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:18 AM

I think changing clinics is a good suggestion. No guarantees it will help of course, but it does seem to turn a lot of people's luck around (refer to 'Advice or regrets for newbies' thread), so worth a shot. Simply changing to a new fertility specialist might be just as good. Regarding none of them fertilising, they can try ICSI next time (if not already?). This is what we used, where they inject the sperm directly into the egg. If they were using that anyway, then google... no eggs fertilised ...and read the first result. Changing clinics seems to have helped several people.

Edited by dimensionk, 31 January 2013 - 11:38 AM.


#4 kez71

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:40 AM

how awful for your sister to get none fertilize. At this stage I wouldn't want to change clinics because then youd have to start over with someone not knowing what youve already tried.
If I were in your shoes, I think just listening would be more helpful than telling her to try this and that. As someone who tried for 7 years to have a baby, I really didn't appreciate people telling me what to do. I knew they meant well, but Id done more research on the subject than they could ever know, so I hated it when they would tell me to try this or that as if I was an idiot who knew nothing.
Being infertile does make you a bit more sensitive about stuff. I found that anyway. So my advice is to not give advice unless she asks for it. Just listen and sympathise.

#5 EloiseIVF

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:20 PM

That is very upsetting, but sadly it happens a lot around here. I did five stim cycles last year and only ever got to transfer once (and BFN). On the face of it I tend to agree with Kez on transferring clinics, because it seems too early to do that. I also agree with dimensionk that sometimes a change is the answer, but at this stage I just think its a bit premature (unless there is some particular issue with the clinic that we're not privy to). The best thing you can do is exactly what you are doing: be there, listen and care for her. Bwok-Bwok is right: direct her here. There are bound to be ladies here whose stories are very similar and who might be able to help her to think through the best course of action. It seems to me that no other group of "patients" on the planet know as much about their treatment options as IVFers; and while we are not fertility doctors, many of us play very active roles in researching our options and contributing to the decision making around our protocols. At the very least, we undertand all too well what she's feeling right now and are always happy to help shoulder the burden.

#6 Country (deci)Mel

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:36 PM

There isn't anything you can do alas....   it is great that she can cry with you though!  

My sister and I don't have that kind of relationship so I have kept my IVF drama to myself and (THANK YOU SO MUCH!!) EB!

I was only talking with my GP last week about how I was on 'an online support group' and she was thrilled.. "IVF is not a journey you can do alone." were her words.

Like PPs have said - you don't need to offer any advice, and I have to say advice from 'outsiders' (outside IVF) can really rub you up the wrong way on the wrong day as it is usually overly optimistic or complete;y irrelevant to your situation..... just listen.





#7 MrsLexiK

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:43 PM

Hi OP,

I am a privatish person in real life, and whilst I will talk about the issues I had and what my dr had said and what he recommended that was about it.  If I had called my sister up in tears I would want her to just listen to me.  I think def point her in the direction of a support forum.  If you have been through it before then I would offer more advice about perhaps looking at changing etc but if my sister offered advice about something with my issues and my emontions where already all over the place I would most probably take it the wrong way and it is probably something that I have not been told by others heaps before.    

Good luck to your sister

#8 Brownie22

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:59 PM

Thanks so much ladies. It appears the consensus is to keep my opinions to myself! If you knew me you'd know that is not easy but I'll do my best.

She is part of a facebook group so she gets support that way but I wanted to know what I can do  as someone who has not been through IVF.

Thanks again.

I wish you all the very best on your journeys.

#9 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:40 PM

QUOTE
Thanks so much ladies. It appears the consensus is to keep my opinions to myself! If you knew me you'd know that is not easy but I'll do my best
.

Opinions yes, keep them to yourself (unless you have been there IYKWIM) - but don't be afraid to ask questions either. But don't question her decisions either! What might seem strange to you, doesn't necessarily mean it is to her.

GL to your sister and have that shoulder ready for her. original.gif


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

In a bizarre bid for relevancy, Former Opposition leader Mark Latham has deduced that because one female journalist had this week light-heartedly thanked antidepressants and caffeine for getting her through a medical degree while raising two small children, that ergo, all 'inner-city feminists' are selfish harridans who despise their offspring.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Duchess's letter to grieving mum

The Duchess of Cambridge has written to a grieving mum on a "very difficult" day.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.