Jump to content

How to help my sister
IVF


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Brownie22

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:02 AM

Hi,

My sister is going through IVF. She has had 3 stim cycles. Her second resulted in a BFP but it was a blighted ovum. There were no frosties from that cycle.

She just had her 3rd stim cycle. They got 8 but not one fertilized. She just called me in tears. They don't know why it happened because all looked good.

Has this happened to any of you?

I don't know what to say to her. My thought is that maybe she should change clinics but she prefers to stay because they know her.

I also think maybe she should take a break. She is 34 so I think she does have a bit of time.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do? Do you think changing clinics is a good idea - should I encourage her to do that? Or should I not offer any advice and just listen?

TIA

Edited by Brownie22, 31 January 2013 - 11:13 AM.


#2 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:14 AM

Can you direct her here so she can chat to other women in the same position?

#3 dimensionk

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:18 AM

I think changing clinics is a good suggestion. No guarantees it will help of course, but it does seem to turn a lot of people's luck around (refer to 'Advice or regrets for newbies' thread), so worth a shot. Simply changing to a new fertility specialist might be just as good. Regarding none of them fertilising, they can try ICSI next time (if not already?). This is what we used, where they inject the sperm directly into the egg. If they were using that anyway, then google... no eggs fertilised ...and read the first result. Changing clinics seems to have helped several people.

Edited by dimensionk, 31 January 2013 - 11:38 AM.


#4 kez71

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:40 AM

how awful for your sister to get none fertilize. At this stage I wouldn't want to change clinics because then youd have to start over with someone not knowing what youve already tried.
If I were in your shoes, I think just listening would be more helpful than telling her to try this and that. As someone who tried for 7 years to have a baby, I really didn't appreciate people telling me what to do. I knew they meant well, but Id done more research on the subject than they could ever know, so I hated it when they would tell me to try this or that as if I was an idiot who knew nothing.
Being infertile does make you a bit more sensitive about stuff. I found that anyway. So my advice is to not give advice unless she asks for it. Just listen and sympathise.

#5 EloiseIVF

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:20 PM

That is very upsetting, but sadly it happens a lot around here. I did five stim cycles last year and only ever got to transfer once (and BFN). On the face of it I tend to agree with Kez on transferring clinics, because it seems too early to do that. I also agree with dimensionk that sometimes a change is the answer, but at this stage I just think its a bit premature (unless there is some particular issue with the clinic that we're not privy to). The best thing you can do is exactly what you are doing: be there, listen and care for her. Bwok-Bwok is right: direct her here. There are bound to be ladies here whose stories are very similar and who might be able to help her to think through the best course of action. It seems to me that no other group of "patients" on the planet know as much about their treatment options as IVFers; and while we are not fertility doctors, many of us play very active roles in researching our options and contributing to the decision making around our protocols. At the very least, we undertand all too well what she's feeling right now and are always happy to help shoulder the burden.

#6 HRH Countrymel

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:36 PM

There isn't anything you can do alas....   it is great that she can cry with you though!  

My sister and I don't have that kind of relationship so I have kept my IVF drama to myself and (THANK YOU SO MUCH!!) EB!

I was only talking with my GP last week about how I was on 'an online support group' and she was thrilled.. "IVF is not a journey you can do alone." were her words.

Like PPs have said - you don't need to offer any advice, and I have to say advice from 'outsiders' (outside IVF) can really rub you up the wrong way on the wrong day as it is usually overly optimistic or complete;y irrelevant to your situation..... just listen.





#7 MrsLexiK

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:43 PM

Hi OP,

I am a privatish person in real life, and whilst I will talk about the issues I had and what my dr had said and what he recommended that was about it.  If I had called my sister up in tears I would want her to just listen to me.  I think def point her in the direction of a support forum.  If you have been through it before then I would offer more advice about perhaps looking at changing etc but if my sister offered advice about something with my issues and my emontions where already all over the place I would most probably take it the wrong way and it is probably something that I have not been told by others heaps before.    

Good luck to your sister

#8 Brownie22

Posted 31 January 2013 - 12:59 PM

Thanks so much ladies. It appears the consensus is to keep my opinions to myself! If you knew me you'd know that is not easy but I'll do my best.

She is part of a facebook group so she gets support that way but I wanted to know what I can do  as someone who has not been through IVF.

Thanks again.

I wish you all the very best on your journeys.

#9 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 31 January 2013 - 02:40 PM

QUOTE
Thanks so much ladies. It appears the consensus is to keep my opinions to myself! If you knew me you'd know that is not easy but I'll do my best
.

Opinions yes, keep them to yourself (unless you have been there IYKWIM) - but don't be afraid to ask questions either. But don't question her decisions either! What might seem strange to you, doesn't necessarily mean it is to her.

GL to your sister and have that shoulder ready for her. original.gif


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wondersuit heaven: Bonds & Disney launch exclusive collection

Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.

Perth hospital mistakes cancerous tumour for "behavioural issues"

When Naomi Holly, a mother of three, noticed her eight-month-old daughter Nora, was having difficulty crawling and standing up as normal, she knew there was something wrong.

Piano playing dad soothes son to sleep in moments

There's nothing more frustrating, or distressing to a parent than a sick child who can't  - or won't got to sleep. 

Lucky escape for mum and bub after snake found in couch

Perth mother Laurie Rushton Dyble was sitting on a recliner chair in her home holding her six-month-old son when her husband suddenly told her to get up and leave the room.

When your partner misses the birth

While no one wants their partner to miss their baby’s birth, it can happen. Here’s what to do if you find yourself in that situation.

Motherhood challenge: smug or just a bit of fun?

The #motherhoodchallenge sounds harmless, doesn't it? Some women disagree.

Who's the mum? Family photo goes viral

Last year, it was "The Dress". This year, it is a family photo that is breaking the internet.

5 easy meditation practices for beginners

So who's with me? You know meditating is one of the best things you can possibly do for yourself.

Woman to go on trial for being a bad housewife

An Italian woman could face up to six years in jail after her husband accused her of not doing enough cooking and cleaning at home.

Is the latest advice on women and drinking over the top?

While most expectant mums know to stop drinking when they’re pregnant, experts now warn women should stop drinking earlier than that. Is this necessary?

How household chores can double as a workout

If there's less than a slim chance you'll find time to get out for a jog or to hit the gym today, take heart in knowing that household chores contribute to the calorie equation.

I have no idea what I'm doing - and that's okay

Why don't we talk about the fact that when everything goes right, we may still feel completely lost, and certain that we have failed?

Dad warns of hair tourniquet danger after baby almost loses toe

A shocked father has shared his family's experience in a bid to warn other parents about the dangers of hair becoming entangled around a baby's toe.

Town welcomes first baby in 28 years

Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.

How to start teaching your kids road safety

It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.

Just announced: Bugaboo Cameleon³ Classic+ Collection update

Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.

The emotional moment a mum hears her late son's heartbeat

It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.

Nine reasons why you have 'brain fog'

One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.

I had a caesarean and it was beautiful

Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Penny Wong

'The most hurtful argument in the marriage equality debate'

Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.

Does exercise have to be fun to work?

Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?

Hair dye gives woman second-degree burns

She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.

Kelly Slater saves mum and toddler from 'freak wave'

A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.

Apple recalls millions of power adapters

Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.

Toddler's adorable alphabet goes viral

It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement  about the alphabet.

Tot's nighttime waking saves family's life

Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night. 

Australian mum gives birth to quintuplets

An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.

Dad of four girls faints at gender reveal for fifth baby

It was all too much excitement for this dad.

The simple way you can help your baby's language development

The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.

Zika virus is 'spreading explosively': WHO

The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.

National database recommended for child protection cases

Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.

Hospitals put babies at risk by ignoring policy on elective caesareans

Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.

Police help deliver baby on busy roadside

Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.

1D's Louis Tomlinson shares first photo of baby

One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Melbourne!

Get your ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.