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Telling work at 7 weeks
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#1 bec_1108

Posted 30 January 2013 - 11:58 AM

I'm in a bit of a tricky situation. I'm nearly 7 weeks PG. Had it confirmed by HCG levels at 4 weeks and it looked in track, but I haven't yet had a scan or any subsequent blood tests. My first OB appointment is in just under 3 weeks.

For quite some time, I have been discussing with my work about an overseas placement for 3 months. DH and I were TTC but we figured if that didn't work, we could have an overseas adventure instead. Now I'm PG, I won't be doing the overseas stint.

It wasn't supposed to be going ahead until later in the year, so I was surprised when my boss told me that arrangements are starting to happen for mid to late March!

I'm in an awkward situation because I want to tell them to put the arrangements on hold (for a couple of years) but I'm not even 7 weeks yet! If (god forbid) anything bad was to happen, then I would probably still want to go. But it just feels so early to tell them, particularly since I haven't had a scan so have no reassurance that things are progressing.

Any thoughts on what I should do? Has anyone else been in a similar situation or had to tell their work earlier than they wanted?

#2 Mrs Mc

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:09 PM

Did they say they will be making arrangements in March, or planning and paying in March ( i am assuming you are not going in March).

If they dont start planing until March, that is still another 4 -5 weeks away and by then you will be a in a better position and hopefully you would have had a scan. i had mine at 9 weeks.

#3 Sassy Dingo

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:14 PM

What country are you going to?

You'll be back before delivery right? Depending on the country (and their level of antenatal care) I'd be tempted to just go and enjoy it and be back before bub arrives.

There is a lady in my DIG who is based overseas who has just arrived back in Australia for delivery.

#4 opethmum

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:17 PM

I would wait until you tell everyone else. You do not have to disclose your pregnancy until your bubs is born. Just take it easy and don't tell them just yet. They can wait and until you have had your scan you will be in a better position to advise your employer.
Congrats!

#5 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:18 PM

If the work placement is in March, I'd be going for it!
And even if you didn't want to go, I think it's too early to tell work.
I made some work decisions on the basis of a pregnancy that didn't proceed... And I regret those choices  to this day.

#6 bec_1108

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:19 PM

I would be leaving in March. The planning is happening now!

I'd probably consider still going if it wasn't my first. But there would be a lot of extra work and stress which I don't want to have to deal with.

#7 Mozzie1

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:23 PM

I don't belong here, but I came in from we are discussing.

I told my boss at 7 weeks, because they were about to give me a massive promotion. I knew I would need more flexibility being pregnant than the job could provide. Also, they had always done the right thing by me, so it felt right to return the courtesy.

They gave me the promotion and the flexibility I needed, so it all worked out fine.


#8 tick

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:32 PM

I don't belong here either but I'd probably see a GP, request a viability scan and then tell work, or at least someone at work who is involved in the planning of this trip.  

FWIW I told my boss when I was 5 weeks pregnant - I was working in a histology lab at the time and wanted out ASAP.  I was always extremely careful in the lab but couldn't say the same for everyone around me.  Boss reassigned me to some less toxic work and helped me to make excuses as to why someone else had to take over the histology.  I told the rest of the place at 12 weeks after my first ultrasound.

#9 Leggy

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:37 PM

Because of the nature of some chemicals I use on the job, I'd be telling my boss as soon as I knew I was pregnant, or even when trying to conceive if I was using any of the particularly nasty chems. It's even a work policy here that you should tell your supervisor as early as possible so that your work can be rearranged if necessary to completely avoid known tetrogens.

So, could you perhaps just tell you immediate supervisor and ask his/her advice? Ask for clarification of when exactly they want you to go OS, and whether that can be delayed or something? They shouldn't discuss it with your co-workers as a matter of course but it wouldn't hurt to end with, "Please don't tell anyone else yet."

As to the possibility of the pregnancy not going forward, I reckon it's good for a few people around you to know, including your boss if you're on good enough terms, so that you can have some support if things go wrong. It all depends on whether you feel comfortable telling them on those grounds, though.

#10 laridae

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:40 PM

So you'll be about 13 weeks by the time you leave and 25 weeks by the time you come back?

I'd still go.  I told my boss at about 12 weeks - but I didn't bother telling anyone else.  My co-workers were told at about 30 weeks - because my boss couldn't hold it in any longer - I was waiting for someone to notice! No one did...

25 weeks is still early, you'll probably still feel pretty good by then.  I didn't have my first visit with the hospital until about 22 weeks.

#11 MrsLexiK

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:44 PM

QUOTE (Mozzie1 @ 30/01/2013, 01:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't belong here, but I came in from we are discussing.

I told my boss at 7 weeks, because they were about to give me a massive promotion. I knew I would need more flexibility being pregnant than the job could provide. Also, they had always done the right thing by me, so it felt right to return the courtesy.

They gave me the promotion and the flexibility I needed, so it all worked out fine.


This is why I told my bosses when I did (I was 7 weeks something and I had had a dating scan) My bosses could have let me go when durning my probation I had 5 weeks SL, they didn't (and paid me for it) they have never said anything about all the days I have had off (which depending on whether I am on hormones or no med's can be 1 -2 days a month regardless of any other sickness had) They have always paid me my wage even though I have used all my sick days and annual leave in the first few months.  They have been utterly wonderful to me in that respect and yes I did feel like doing the right thing by them.

If I wasn't going to be going on the overseas I would tell them now OP, if I was planning on going on the trip I would tell them when I got back.

#12 elizabethany

Posted 30 January 2013 - 12:45 PM

I told my boss with DS at 6.5 weeks (when I found out), because I worked in a chemistry lab, and needed to be reassigned.  I even went it to talk to him on the first day of my holidays to tell him, so he has the 2 weeks I was on leave to get it sorted.

The only people who found out before him were my DH, parents and doctor.

#13 cira

Posted 30 January 2013 - 01:03 PM

Are you sure you don't want to go? Would this overseas stint be good for you career-wise or was it more of a fun perk? Think about this carefully because you might not be able travel for a few years after you have your baby.



#14 againagain

Posted 30 January 2013 - 01:50 PM

QUOTE (laridae @ 30/01/2013, 01:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So you'll be about 13 weeks by the time you leave and 25 weeks by the time you come back?

I'd still go.


Me too. Especially being the first baby. It would possibly be far too hard with another in tow!

I told my boss at 7 weeks with my first because I couldn't do x-rays anymore, he had to make sure there was someone else to assist.

With my second I told her (different work place) at 9 weeks as they were planning to send me to a conference right when I was due.


#15 Spring Chickadee

Posted 30 January 2013 - 03:49 PM

I would get a scan now, the GP can give you a referral. By now a heartbeat should be found and that will mean a much much lower MC risk.

#16 Choufleur

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:31 PM

I spent most of my first pregnancy away from home - granted it was interstate not overseas - but I wouldn't change it at all.

It depends on where you're going - there is something on offer for me at work in Indonesia or Thailand I think and I won't take it, but if it was the UK or something I'd jump at it.

If they're organising it now, I'd tell them but only if you feel that you would want to pull out as there is a lot of effort involved in overseas placements (believe me, we send people all the time in my business) - visas, travel, accommodation.

Otherwise just go. You'll have an awesome time. original.gif

#17 CallMeFeral

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:34 PM

Awkward. If you can't go, tell them now, although it's early.

But why not go?!

#18 libbylu

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:45 PM

I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks, and very glad I hadn't told work.
Why can't you go pregnant?  It sounds like you will be doing the placement in your middle trimester when you will be feeling generally well and full of energy?
It will be much harder to do it once you have a child.
I would plan to do it anyway, unless it involves some hard physical work not able to be done by pregnant people.
I traveled overseas for two months when I was pregnant with my first, presented at several conferences, took a course as well as having some time off.  It was absolutely fine.

#19 Magnifique

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:47 PM

QUOTE (Mozzie1 @ 30/01/2013, 12:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't belong here, but I came in from we are discussing.

I told my boss at 7 weeks, because they were about to give me a massive promotion. I knew I would need more flexibility being pregnant than the job could provide. Also, they had always done the right thing by me, so it felt right to return the courtesy.

They gave me the promotion and the flexibility I needed, so it all worked out fine.


this^

I think if you are going somewhere with access to adequate health care I would still consider going, but i would discuss it with my employer as to ensure we were all on the same page.


Edited by Magnifique, 30 January 2013 - 07:48 PM.


#20 ScarfaceClaw

Posted 30 January 2013 - 08:04 PM

Depending on location I'd go too. You won't want to go after you've had the kid, so in terms of career and so on I'd jump at the chance.

If you are going basically for 2nd tri thats the best bit of the pregnancy, and most low risk pregnancies don't need much input at that time. You can even get a morph scan done whereever you are if you like.


#21 drmiaow

Posted 30 January 2013 - 08:13 PM

I don't belong here either... but am another who told my work early (probably around 7 weeks) for similar reasons. It is pertinent to planning for both parties, whether you go or not. While of course you don't have to disclose your pregnancy, in a situation where people are genuinely trying to help you along and are committed to you, it doesn't seem right not too ifykwim.

I wouldn't necessarily ditch the idea of going, but would certainly advocate open disclosure about your situation.

Good luck with your pregnancy and decision making - exciting times ahead for you  biggrin.gif

#22 bec_1108

Posted 31 January 2013 - 08:10 AM

Thanks everyone for the different perspectives. The placement would be in Switzerland.

Reasons why I probably won't go:
- my boss has already intimated that I will essentially be working two jobs, as I will need to keep on top of my work here as well as whatever project they give me to work on over there. I think I could handle the stress normally but now that I'm pregnant I want to reduce stress, not add to it.
- I have an autoimmune disease which is showing signs of flaring due to the pregnancy. Again, I would be able to manage this normally, but I am concerned about the effect on the pregnancy and I may need to be monitored.
- DH was originally going to take a career break so he could come for part of it (read: we would only have one income). Now, witha baby on the way, we need to save all the money we can get, so he said he wouldn't come. I think I would struggle without him, or any family and friends, particularly if something went wrong.

I know a lot of people have said go now, and that it's harder once you have a kid. I suspect that's true. But since I'm the primary income earner, it might also be possible to do it with a baby with DH there on paternity leave or career break.

I guess I've decided to spill the beans to my boss. He is trying to do the right thing by me, so I should be upfront with him.

#23 niggles

Posted 31 January 2013 - 08:31 AM

I told my employer at 9 weeks because he was talking about me taking over a long term responsibility just before I'd be due to leave. I sort of wish I hadn't. They made my life so stressful from that point onwards that I may as well have waited till I really had to tell them. But it felt like the right thing at the time and I'd probably do the same thing again.

#24 MrsLexiK

Posted 31 January 2013 - 08:56 AM

QUOTE (bec_1108 @ 31/01/2013, 08:10 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks everyone for the different perspectives. The placement would be in Switzerland.

Reasons why I probably won't go:
- my boss has already intimated that I will essentially be working two jobs, as I will need to keep on top of my work here as well as whatever project they give me to work on over there. I think I could handle the stress normally but now that I'm pregnant I want to reduce stress, not add to it.
- I have an autoimmune disease which is showing signs of flaring due to the pregnancy. Again, I would be able to manage this normally, but I am concerned about the effect on the pregnancy and I may need to be monitored.
- DH was originally going to take a career break so he could come for part of it (read: we would only have one income). Now, witha baby on the way, we need to save all the money we can get, so he said he wouldn't come. I think I would struggle without him, or any family and friends, particularly if something went wrong.

I know a lot of people have said go now, and that it's harder once you have a kid. I suspect that's true. But since I'm the primary income earner, it might also be possible to do it with a baby with DH there on paternity leave or career break.

I guess I've decided to spill the beans to my boss. He is trying to do the right thing by me, so I should be upfront with him.


Personally I would have hated being away from DH durning this pregnancy, I've enjoyed going through it with him.  I also have some issues and due to other things "safe" was not 12 weeks. I also didn't get this second tri mester bounce you are meant to have.  I have suffered horrible migrains or cluster heaaches almost weekly.  You can only make the decesion that is right for you and your family at the time.  Good luck with everything.

ETA: my bosses where and still have been totally wonderful about it all. I know if I wanted to come back full time they would have me in a heartbeat and be making arrangments for this.  As it turns out I don't and am not sure I want this industry anymore but they are doing

Edited by MrsLexiK, 31 January 2013 - 09:03 AM.





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