Jump to content

Punishment for not staying in bed


  • Please log in to reply
16 replies to this topic

#1 msro82

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:28 PM

Dd is 5 (6 in April)the last two weeks and she has been awful when going to sleep, carrying on for hours saying she can't sleep. Sometime she sleeps in and others she doesn't. She still needs 11-12 hrs sleep to be reasonable the next day.

I get that you can't just fall asleep if you are not tired, but I expect her To stay in her bed and read books or listen to gentle music. I don't expect her to get up, trash her room, be rude to be or hide in other parts of the house.

What is a suitable and targeted punishment for this for not staying in bed and doing what was asked? She really doesn't have a currency.

I expect this behaviour will lessen when school goes back next week, I am guessing its the lack of routine.

She is generally pretty good with bedtimes (well apart from the first 3.5 years of her life when she never slept!)

TIA

#2 Bob-the-skull

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:37 PM

first i would be assessing her bedtime to make sure its suitable for her... what time is bedtime?

Does she have a routine, one that calms her down before bed?

Then i would be removing anything from her room that is an "extra"... books, toys, teddies etc... hard to trash when you have limited things to trash with.

#3 msro82

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:46 PM

QUOTE (-*meh*- @ 29/01/2013, 09:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
first i would be assessing her bedtime to make sure its suitable for her... what time is bedtime?

Does she have a routine, one that calms her down before bed?

Then i would be removing anything from her room that is an "extra"... books, toys, teddies etc... hard to trash when you have limited things to trash with.


Her bedtime is 6:30/7pm. Some people will say this is too early, but honestly she cannot cope with later.

We read a story together, then she picks out 3 books to 'read' by herself and she listens to her twinkle twinkle. Fail safe method for two years!

I get the feeling that she is testing how far she can go with mucking around at bedtime, one of the reasons I am seeking a suitable punishment. it will obviously have to take place the next day. When I refer to routine, I am meaning around what we are doing during the day (school holidays - I have always worked, this is her first time home for such a long period)

#4 EssentialBludger

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:51 PM

Probably not popular, but when DD can't sleep she is allowed to listen to an audiobook. She's usually asleep within half an hour.

#5 FeralCrazyMum

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

I would maybe look at changing the bedtime routine, tell her this is a 'big girl' bedtime routine. Nothing major, just tweaks that work for you. Also agree with removing distractions from the room.

Would a reward chart help for her??



#6 winterlove

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:57 PM

A couple of suggestions, I am not sure if they will help because they are very specific to my DS who is 4.

Firstly, he likes to fall asleep with his door open and the light in the hall way on - if he is going through a stage of coming out I threaten to close his door. It seems to work straight away although he could easily re-open it.

Secondly, he likes to take all sorts of toys with him to bed and I have at times confisicated toys if he keeps getting up.

Finally, if we are doing something special the next day I say that I may have to reconsider if he does not go to sleep.

#7 *-*

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:59 PM

What exactly does she do, when she "can't sleep".  

Have you asked her what is stopping her from sleeping?  Some kids can have a REAL problem falling asleep.  



#8 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:59 PM



QUOTE (EssentialBludger @ 29/01/2013, 06:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Probably not popular, but when DD can't sleep she is allowed to listen to an audiobook. She's usually asleep within half an hour.


We do this too. Kids love them, especially roald Dahl reading his own books.

#9 librablonde

Posted 30 January 2013 - 06:49 AM

Our DFS1 is 6 and did this so we told him (after trying incentives, rewards, Time Out's, changing bedtimes, quiet time before bed, etc and nothing worked), that if he played up at night-time or got out of bed before it was time (7am) then he would have to stay in bed longer in the morning. There were times he ended up staying in bed until mid-morning for seriously bad behaviour. He would rip the curtains down, rip framed pictures off his walls, pull everything out of his wardrobe and generally wake the entire family with his crashing around and screaming. So we told him that if he takes sleeping time away from the family by waking everyone that  he would have to make up that time by staying in bed longer and giving us all peace again. At first he would scream and carry on  during his extra bedroom time and we would tell him his time to make up didn't start until he was quiet. He soon learnt to stop carrying on and be quiet in his room and not come out of his bedroom. I would make sure he knew the other kids were doing something fun in another part of the house. Now the threat of having to spend longer in bed is usually all he needs to stop being destructive and settle himself down. His self-regulation of his behaviour has improved dramatically.

We also had to remove all stimuli from his bedroom: it is currently a bare bedroom with no toys or pictures. He earns toys to keep in his bedroom with quiet, respectful behaviour at bedtimes. He also loses the toy if he wakes the family with inconsiderate behaviour. We put a slide bolt on the top of his wardrobe so he couldn't open it and pull stuff out. Now if he is in a rage all he can do is pull the mattress off his bed and strip all the linen off. Any time he does that he has to put it all back on by himself (which is very difficult for a 6 year old, especially putting a quilt cover back on a quilt). So, he rarely does that now either. He's earning toys to keep in his room now.

All of this sounds extreme but we had to do this for his own safety and because sleep deprivation was causing so much stress for the whole family. Two months ago I also started him on therapeutic doses of Ethical Nutrients High Potency Fish Oil and his behaviour overall has improved dramatically. His rages are much less extreme now and he can focus and self-regulate more easily.

Again, I know it sounds extreme and the EB naysayers will say that all sounds barbaric, but we've had to do it and DFS is a much calmer, more rested boy as a result.

Edited by librablonde, 30 January 2013 - 06:50 AM.


#10 msro82

Posted 30 January 2013 - 06:58 AM

QUOTE (*~Katrina~* @ 29/01/2013, 09:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What exactly does she do, when she "can't sleep".  

Have you asked her what is stopping her from sleeping?  Some kids can have a REAL problem falling asleep.


I always ask ' what do you need to go to sleep' and 'why can't you sleep' answer is always I'm not tired, despite the fact that she can't keep her eyes open.

I think we will look at a reward chart, if she goes to bed and stays in bed without any issues for the whole week, she can have a reward.

Will also have to look into some audio books! We have used dinosnores in the past, she doesn't really like them now.

#11 mumandboys

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:37 AM

I have this same problem with my almost 10 year old.  His bedtime is 8:30pm but he's not been getting to sleep till 10:30.

He says he's not tired too.

#12 Baroness Bubbles

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:40 AM

My DD is only 4, but on preschool nights is a horror to get to sleep cause they let her nap, no matter how often I say not to (side vent), so I have started a rewards chart, but backwards

Because she will easily get up more than 10 times, I have 10 small magnets on a piece of paper. Each time she gets up, I take one away. The first week, if tere were 3 or more left, she got a sticker. Slowly, we are working up keeping them all there.

I am rewarding every 2 nights, so Wednesday and Saturday. The rewards are small, like a snake after breakfast or painting on BIG sheets of paper (she I a really messy painter lol) and we are soowly getting there.

She still doesn't sleep before 10/1030 on a preschool night, but I can now get the washing up or a Zumba DVD done while she is reading or playing quietly in bed, where before, the second I left te room aw was at the door going 'muuuuuum'

#13 Sif

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:43 AM

Mostly, I find, if my kids arch up about bedtime, it's only because they're not worn out from their day. Kids needs lots of physical exertion throughout the day to get all the wriggles out of their muscles. I'd be getting her to do more during the day - chances are, if you observe her throughout the day, she's not getting enough physical exertion - kids are very sedentary these days as a general rule.

#14 Kemma

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:58 AM

I only have a 2y8m old and an 8 mo so I can only offer what works for my oldest DD..

But she loves to get up and 5/530 and scream and scream and scream.  She has a baby gate across her room door, she can actually get out of it, so it's really more a mental barrier, but it works for us.  

I actually reward her for staying in her room and not screaming.  It's called a 'staying in your room chocolate'.  original.gif

Punishment as such, doesn't work with her I've found, whether it's her age or her personality I don't know.  But reward the days she stays in with a choc or whatever and then work up to maybe staying in your room a week is a visit to the favourity playground or whatever...

It's very stressful.  I know.  With going to bed, I actually read to her til she's almost asleep.  I ahve to keep reminding her to stay quiet and keep your eyes closed but it works here.

#15 Madnesscraves

Posted 30 January 2013 - 08:07 AM

QUOTE (librablonde @ 30/01/2013, 07:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Our DFS1 is 6 and did this so we told him (after trying incentives, rewards, Time Out's, changing bedtimes, quiet time before bed, etc and nothing worked), that if he played up at night-time or got out of bed before it was time (7am) then he would have to stay in bed longer in the morning. There were times he ended up staying in bed until mid-morning for seriously bad behaviour. He would rip the curtains down, rip framed pictures off his walls, pull everything out of his wardrobe and generally wake the entire family with his crashing around and screaming. So we told him that if he takes sleeping time away from the family by waking everyone that  he would have to make up that time by staying in bed longer and giving us all peace again. At first he would scream and carry on  during his extra bedroom time and we would tell him his time to make up didn't start until he was quiet. He soon learnt to stop carrying on and be quiet in his room and not come out of his bedroom. I would make sure he knew the other kids were doing something fun in another part of the house. Now the threat of having to spend longer in bed is usually all he needs to stop being destructive and settle himself down. His self-regulation of his behaviour has improved dramatically.

We also had to remove all stimuli from his bedroom: it is currently a bare bedroom with no toys or pictures. He earns toys to keep in his bedroom with quiet, respectful behaviour at bedtimes. He also loses the toy if he wakes the family with inconsiderate behaviour. We put a slide bolt on the top of his wardrobe so he couldn't open it and pull stuff out. Now if he is in a rage all he can do is pull the mattress off his bed and strip all the linen off. Any time he does that he has to put it all back on by himself (which is very difficult for a 6 year old, especially putting a quilt cover back on a quilt). So, he rarely does that now either. He's earning toys to keep in his room now.

All of this sounds extreme but we had to do this for his own safety and because sleep deprivation was causing so much stress for the whole family. Two months ago I also started him on therapeutic doses of Ethical Nutrients High Potency Fish Oil and his behaviour overall has improved dramatically. His rages are much less extreme now and he can focus and self-regulate more easily.

Again, I know it sounds extreme and the EB naysayers will say that all sounds barbaric, but we've had to do it and DFS is a much calmer, more rested boy as a result.


I dont consider this extreme. I believe the bedroom is a place for relaxation and sleeping. it should be considered a 'quiet room' I only have DD's sleep toys in her room so it's bare with some pictures on the wall thats all. Its just a simple room when i look at it. She has a playroom for awake time. When she gets older I'll let her have books in her room as I consider them as a quiet time activity.


#16 Lagom

Posted 30 January 2013 - 08:17 AM

I have had the same problem with DD1.  She's been an awful sleeper since birth (and actually, before birth!) and I've tried all kinds of solutions.   What works depends on what the problem is and working that out is the hard part!
We tried removing everything from her room so she used her hands, voice and body to play.
We tried music, audio books etc but she just kept playing them over and over again and not sleeping.
We tried more physical exercise and it just resulted in more tantrums because she was over tired.
etc etc
I went to the GP, the MCHN and they all just gave the standard 'use a routine' answer and brushed me off.  sad.gif

Last year we ended up seeing a psychologist for other reasons and she helped me work out a new sleep routine.
DD is 5.5 now and we've found what works for us.  It may not work for you but this is what we do:
get a natural sleep aid from the compounding chemist
have a regular bedtime and rising time
get lots of sunshine when she wakes in the morning to help reset her clock
read to her and then let her read to herself for a determined period of time (30 mins in our case)
go back in, tuck her in, turn on her 'stars' (a light that projects lots of tiny lights around the room)
go back in after about 5 mins, put a sleep mask over her eyes, turn on an audio relaxation meditation.  (We tried ones for children and they didn't work because they were too 'exciting' so we swapped to an adult mediation and it worked a treat.  We tried about 10 before we found one that worked.)

If she comes out of her bedroom for any reason that we deem 'unacceptable' then she gets punished with removal of privileges (which is usually the computer).

As a PP mentioned, we've also had an improvement in behavior with a fish oil supplement.  Things also got better when we worked out DD has an intolerance to 160b, a food additive.

It's working for us.  Finally! original.gif

Good luck, OP.

#17 Holidayromp

Posted 30 January 2013 - 08:47 AM

Gosh I was an awful sleeper but an incredibly active child.  Unfortunately the bedtimes set were at ridiculous hours like 6pm-6.30 right up until I was at least 10 and then about 8pm during my teenaged years.  It was far too early and I would lie awake for hours, often until after Mum and Dad went to bed and then I would be up at the crack of dawn having not slept much at all.

It had the opposite affect with me because I wasn't going to bed when I was naturally tired so lying wide awake in bed, tossing and turning prevented sleep and still wide awake hours later - I was getting even less sleep.

It is hard to sleep with daylight streaming in especially in the summer months.  It was also embarrassing especially when I got older about my ridiculously early bedtimes - I was going to bed the same time as my sister who was two years younger than me - the bedtime was okay for her and when we once shared a bedroom I would keep her awake because I couldn't sleep when we were separated it was torture hours after hours lying in bed not tired and then listening to Mum and Dad make their way to bed.

Then if I appeared tired during the day or whatever the answer was an even earlier bedtime which further compounded the problem.

Then there was the you beaut idea in one house when I was 11/12 that it was too hot upstairs so I was sent to sleep in the downstairs guest bedroom away from the rest of the family.  I did not feel very secure at all down there and I would be lucky to sleep a couple of hours but my parent's checking in on me in the morning would see me asleep and think that their idea would work.  I begged and pleaded to go back to my own bed where I was comfortable but it that took a few months to happen when the routine changed at home.

I hated bedtime.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about ovulation tests

Most people who are trying to get pregnant know that the best time to conceive is in the few days after ovulation.

Surviving a miscarriage at sea

A cruise with your family is among the most absurd settings for a miscarriage, but it is certainly not the worst.

Mum of three denied tubal ligation because she's 'too young'

A 22-year-old woman who is pregnant with her third child has had her requests for a tubal ligation denied because doctors believe she is too young.

Slapped cheek syndrome a danger for pregnant women

When a pregnant woman is infected, the likelihood that her foetus will be infected is about 50 per cent.

The signs and symptoms of ovulation

If you're hoping to conceive, one of the most important things you need to know about is ovulation.

We all know 'mum guilt' - but what about 'dad guilt'?

I remember the first time I felt mum guilt, within days of having my first child. The feeling was so intense I rang my own mum to debrief, hoping she'd tell me I wouldn't feel this way very often.

Kristen Bell urges mums to be their own superhero

When it comes to motherhood, actress Kristen Bell is her own superhero and she thinks other mums should be too.

Pram review: GB Pockit travel stroller

In a world of ever-shrinking gadgets, it's no surprise prams are getting smaller. We put the record-holding GB Pockit through its paces.

The beautiful Bombol Bouncer is back

The gorgeous Bombol Bouncer is back - and boasts two chic new colours to boot.

Gadgets and accessories for wine lovers

Looking for a gift for the wine lover in your life - or just something for yourself?

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The adventure doesn't have to stop: here's how to travel with baby

The best part about our outdoor adventures? It makes my husband and I better parents, since we're happier while adventuring.

Woman crashes car to save mum and baby's life

A good samaritan saved a mother and baby from being seriously injured by crashing her own car into theirs.

Should you tell your boss about your postnatal depression?

Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting, and when you're experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety it can seem even more overwhelming.

TV noise can slow toddler word learning, study finds

Background noise from the radio or TV might be making it harder for your toddler to learn learn new words.

Teresa Palmer on her molar pregnancy and 'unsexy' conception

Teresa Palmer is basking in pregnancy glow as she awaits the arrival of her new baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.