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Help with consequences for 9yo


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#1 The Old Bag

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

I'm too angry to think right now so after opinions on what others would do in this situation.

On our way home from holidays at the beach,  we stop to pick up our dog from the boarding kennel. I'm having trouble wrangling a very happy German Shepherd and ask DS1 to take care of what I'm holding. .. my purse and the receipt.  He looks suitably chuffed by the responsibility.

100km later we are home and discover DS1 left my stuff on the roof of the car.  It's not there anymore.  My purse contained the usual life story, all my money until payday,  and a $100 gift card for my mum.

To say I'm ropable is an understatement, DS1 is wisely reading quietly in his room while I think.

I do accept I should have double checked but I expect better from DS.  I'm also quite sick which has lowered my patience so. .... over to EB for some perspective!  WWYD?

Eta he's not quite 9.

Edited by The Old Bag, 29 January 2013 - 03:34 PM.


#2 JRA

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:34 PM

Tough one.

I cannot count the number of times my mother left her purse on top of the car. So I am probably not the best to comment.

ETA: She was 40 when she had me!!!!

Edited by JRA, 29 January 2013 - 03:35 PM.


#3 Froger

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:35 PM

I think it is your fault for not checking. No punishment for kid.

#4 bakesgirls

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:39 PM

I think your purse is your responsibility, not your sons. I get why you're upset, but it was not your son who decided to draw out every cent you had until pay day, so I don't think he should be held accountable for that. I think your anger is misplaced OP.

Edited by bakesgirls, 29 January 2013 - 03:49 PM.


#5 namie

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

I've done it myself. Twice. First time in my late teens it flew off the roof of mum's car and ended up in the gutter at the supermarket and was picked up by a lovely couple who drove an hour out of their way to deliver it to my house (address listed on driver's licence).

The second time, approx 2 years ago, I found it on the roof of my car prior to leaving the carpark, thankfully.

I don't think you should punish him, it was an honest mistake, and it was your purse to be responsible for.

#6 Autumnal

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:42 PM

I agree, your responsibility.

#7 amabanana

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:42 PM

That sucks, OP!

Surely, he didn't do it on purpose.   If he obviously feels bad about it then I would think that is punishment enough.
Maybe get him to sit with you when you make all the phone calls you have to make and see what is happening because of his mistake?  That should be pretty boring and give him some time to think about it.  wink.gif

Depending on your home insurance policy you may be covered for some of that stuff.  I know I am but I have a very comprehensive policy due to the fact that I may or may not have done that very thing in the past.....

Maybe also try ringing the kennel and get them to check their driveway and if they are kind they might even go for a walk along the road near their property.  I know I would do that for someone if they lost their wallet and lived 100ks away.
Good luck.



#8 Quattuor Genitrix

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:43 PM

I've done this twice in my adult life.  It is accidental, and if it were my 9 year old son he would feel awful. Punishment enough.  Sorry but I agree with the majority here your purse, your responsibility.

#9 raven74

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:46 PM

I think he is probably punishing himself right now -  disappointed and angry mum, him being upset at himself etc.
I think you ought to explain to him that while you are angry and upset it was not entirely his fault and that you take the responsibilty too.

#10 Bodacious Prime

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:47 PM

He was careless and inattentive, pretty much expected at that age, IME anyway. Not worth a punishment but perhaps natural consequences like "sorry mate, can't afford to buy/do that for a while until we can afford it again".

ETA
I once left my 21st birthday cake on the roof of the car. I had no idea until after I got home.

Edited by Bodacious Prime, 29 January 2013 - 03:49 PM.


#11 katiebear26

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:47 PM

maybe i'm a bit harsh but i think there should be consequences. you gave him a responsbility and he what - immediately put the stuff on the car roof and forgot about it? did he put it down to help you / do something else important then forget (which is not as bad)?

perhaps you could talk to him and say that both of you were responsible for the purse - you becasue it's yours to begin with, and him because you asked him to look after it. ask him what happened (to determine answers to questions above) then maybe do what i HATED my parents doing - ask him what a suitable punishment would be.

maybe he could do some chores around the house (not what he would normally do, extras) to earn enough money to buy you a replacement purse? don't add in the cash and gift card, he wouldn't ahve known they were in there and it's not his business to know. but maybe he could learn the value of replacing something that he had a hand in losing.

btw if it was an oroton or similar purse, maybe get a cheaper one so he's not too much in debt! cap each chore at $3 and buy a $30 purse - that's 10 extra chores?

#12 The Old Bag

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:57 PM

QUOTE (amabanana @ 29/01/2013, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe also try ringing the kennel and get them to check their driveway and if they are kind they might even go for a walk along the road near their property.  I know I would do that for someone if they lost their wallet and lived 100ks away.
Good luck.


Another customer handed in my purse! Getting it back will be a logistical nightmare but I'm pretty relieved!

And thanks for the advice on DS everyone,  I'll let it go and watch him more carefully next time.

#13 minimae

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:03 PM

So glad you found it OP.

I've done that twice with my own purse, and it is just the worse feeling! I once did it with both my partner and my passports tucked in it and about 400 dollars cash! Drove back half an hour later and found it sitting in the middle of a road.

Also left it on a step once in a pub in London, with 2 months rent cash inside. About $2000! Went back to the crowded pub, still sitting there.

I've been lucky!!

#14 CallMeProtart

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:07 PM

I did that with my phone - in a carpark! Thank heavens the next car saw it WITHOUT driving on it - AND handed it in  hands.gif

So glad you got your purse back! I'd be really annoyed with son but I don't think it's the sort of offence that is punishable by a 'consequence' - it's more of a memory lapse.

#15 Bazinga

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:08 PM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 29/01/2013, 03:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Getting it back will be a logistical nightmare


Can the kennels just pop it in a Aus. post satchel and send it back to you? They include tracking so it can't be lost.

#16 JRA

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:10 PM

Not to mention DH forgot to tie DS's surf board on to the top of the car the other day. We got home and it was still there. Given it is a "nippers" foam big board, that was pretty bloody lucky

#17 Funwith3

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:12 PM

That must be a huge relief that you will get it back...if I was you I'd just be driving the 100km back to collect it, and I'd be counting my lucky stars. Maybe the punishment is DS can come with you for the ride.

I think a really good talking to would be all he'd need. It was his job and he didn't do it properly. I can't really think what kind of punishment would be suitable...initially I thought maybe he paid you back some of his pocket money but I don't think I'd have the heart to do that to my kids. You'll get your purse back so all's well that ends well!!  biggrin.gif

#18 ~*Twilight~Zone*~

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:16 PM

At 8yrs old I think your disappointment in him would be more than enough punishment.

My DS is 12 and I know for him just me being disappointed in something he has done mortifies him.

#19 Quattuor Genitrix

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:27 PM

QUOTE
Another customer handed in my purse! Getting it back will be a logistical nightmare but I'm pretty relieved!


Am so pleased you have located your purse! It is a sickening feeling when you realise it has been left behind.  You can breathe now original.gif

#20 The Old Bag

Posted 29 January 2013 - 07:40 PM

Thanks everyone. My cards and things were strewn all over the road and the lovely gent collected them all.

#21 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 29 January 2013 - 07:47 PM

I'm so glad you got it back.

I would be furious at my 9 year old. We are going through a stage of me getting angry at him for not looking after his things. He just doesn't care and leaves things behind, out in the rain etc. so for him to have done this it would have been just another thing.

#22 namie

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

So glad it was handed back OP! Hopefully they can just mail it back in a trackable parcel, but I think I'd be making the drive to get it too.

It's always nice to learn there are lovely, honest people out there!

#23 MoonPie

Posted 29 January 2013 - 09:36 PM

What a rotten situation.

I would suggest sitting down with him and making a list of allllllllll the cards and things that need replacing.

Oh, that'll teach me to read only the first page of responses. Glad it got found!

#24 amabanana

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:54 AM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 29/01/2013, 04:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Another customer handed in my purse! Getting it back will be a logistical nightmare but I'm pretty relieved!

And thanks for the advice on DS everyone,  I'll let it go and watch him more carefully next time.



I'm so glad for you OP.  

Make him come with you for a boring drive.   wink.gif

#25 Great Dame

Posted 30 January 2013 - 08:44 AM

I'm glad you got it back.

To your original question, I think it would be terribly unfair to further punish your son.  It was an accident - one many adults have (I've picked up a purse with it's contents all over the road, and handed it into the police before too).  You can't punish accidents. His "punishment" has already been given - I'm sure he felt very upset to let you down.




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