Jump to content

Help with consequences for 9yo


  • Please log in to reply
28 replies to this topic

#1 The Old Bag

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

I'm too angry to think right now so after opinions on what others would do in this situation.

On our way home from holidays at the beach,  we stop to pick up our dog from the boarding kennel. I'm having trouble wrangling a very happy German Shepherd and ask DS1 to take care of what I'm holding. .. my purse and the receipt.  He looks suitably chuffed by the responsibility.

100km later we are home and discover DS1 left my stuff on the roof of the car.  It's not there anymore.  My purse contained the usual life story, all my money until payday,  and a $100 gift card for my mum.

To say I'm ropable is an understatement, DS1 is wisely reading quietly in his room while I think.

I do accept I should have double checked but I expect better from DS.  I'm also quite sick which has lowered my patience so. .... over to EB for some perspective!  WWYD?

Eta he's not quite 9.

Edited by The Old Bag, 29 January 2013 - 03:34 PM.


#2 JRA

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:34 PM

Tough one.

I cannot count the number of times my mother left her purse on top of the car. So I am probably not the best to comment.

ETA: She was 40 when she had me!!!!

Edited by JRA, 29 January 2013 - 03:35 PM.


#3 Froger

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:35 PM

I think it is your fault for not checking. No punishment for kid.

#4 bakesgirls

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:39 PM

I think your purse is your responsibility, not your sons. I get why you're upset, but it was not your son who decided to draw out every cent you had until pay day, so I don't think he should be held accountable for that. I think your anger is misplaced OP.

Edited by bakesgirls, 29 January 2013 - 03:49 PM.


#5 namie

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

I've done it myself. Twice. First time in my late teens it flew off the roof of mum's car and ended up in the gutter at the supermarket and was picked up by a lovely couple who drove an hour out of their way to deliver it to my house (address listed on driver's licence).

The second time, approx 2 years ago, I found it on the roof of my car prior to leaving the carpark, thankfully.

I don't think you should punish him, it was an honest mistake, and it was your purse to be responsible for.

#6 Autumnal

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:42 PM

I agree, your responsibility.

#7 amabanana

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:42 PM

That sucks, OP!

Surely, he didn't do it on purpose.   If he obviously feels bad about it then I would think that is punishment enough.
Maybe get him to sit with you when you make all the phone calls you have to make and see what is happening because of his mistake?  That should be pretty boring and give him some time to think about it.  wink.gif

Depending on your home insurance policy you may be covered for some of that stuff.  I know I am but I have a very comprehensive policy due to the fact that I may or may not have done that very thing in the past.....

Maybe also try ringing the kennel and get them to check their driveway and if they are kind they might even go for a walk along the road near their property.  I know I would do that for someone if they lost their wallet and lived 100ks away.
Good luck.



#8 Quattuor Genitrix

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:43 PM

I've done this twice in my adult life.  It is accidental, and if it were my 9 year old son he would feel awful. Punishment enough.  Sorry but I agree with the majority here your purse, your responsibility.

#9 raven74

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:46 PM

I think he is probably punishing himself right now -  disappointed and angry mum, him being upset at himself etc.
I think you ought to explain to him that while you are angry and upset it was not entirely his fault and that you take the responsibilty too.

#10 Bodacious Prime

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:47 PM

He was careless and inattentive, pretty much expected at that age, IME anyway. Not worth a punishment but perhaps natural consequences like "sorry mate, can't afford to buy/do that for a while until we can afford it again".

ETA
I once left my 21st birthday cake on the roof of the car. I had no idea until after I got home.

Edited by Bodacious Prime, 29 January 2013 - 03:49 PM.


#11 katiebear26

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:47 PM

maybe i'm a bit harsh but i think there should be consequences. you gave him a responsbility and he what - immediately put the stuff on the car roof and forgot about it? did he put it down to help you / do something else important then forget (which is not as bad)?

perhaps you could talk to him and say that both of you were responsible for the purse - you becasue it's yours to begin with, and him because you asked him to look after it. ask him what happened (to determine answers to questions above) then maybe do what i HATED my parents doing - ask him what a suitable punishment would be.

maybe he could do some chores around the house (not what he would normally do, extras) to earn enough money to buy you a replacement purse? don't add in the cash and gift card, he wouldn't ahve known they were in there and it's not his business to know. but maybe he could learn the value of replacing something that he had a hand in losing.

btw if it was an oroton or similar purse, maybe get a cheaper one so he's not too much in debt! cap each chore at $3 and buy a $30 purse - that's 10 extra chores?

#12 The Old Bag

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:57 PM

QUOTE (amabanana @ 29/01/2013, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe also try ringing the kennel and get them to check their driveway and if they are kind they might even go for a walk along the road near their property.  I know I would do that for someone if they lost their wallet and lived 100ks away.
Good luck.


Another customer handed in my purse! Getting it back will be a logistical nightmare but I'm pretty relieved!

And thanks for the advice on DS everyone,  I'll let it go and watch him more carefully next time.

#13 minimae

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:03 PM

So glad you found it OP.

I've done that twice with my own purse, and it is just the worse feeling! I once did it with both my partner and my passports tucked in it and about 400 dollars cash! Drove back half an hour later and found it sitting in the middle of a road.

Also left it on a step once in a pub in London, with 2 months rent cash inside. About $2000! Went back to the crowded pub, still sitting there.

I've been lucky!!

#14 CallMeProtart

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:07 PM

I did that with my phone - in a carpark! Thank heavens the next car saw it WITHOUT driving on it - AND handed it in  hands.gif

So glad you got your purse back! I'd be really annoyed with son but I don't think it's the sort of offence that is punishable by a 'consequence' - it's more of a memory lapse.

#15 Bazinga

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:08 PM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 29/01/2013, 03:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Getting it back will be a logistical nightmare


Can the kennels just pop it in a Aus. post satchel and send it back to you? They include tracking so it can't be lost.

#16 JRA

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:10 PM

Not to mention DH forgot to tie DS's surf board on to the top of the car the other day. We got home and it was still there. Given it is a "nippers" foam big board, that was pretty bloody lucky

#17 Funwith3

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:12 PM

That must be a huge relief that you will get it back...if I was you I'd just be driving the 100km back to collect it, and I'd be counting my lucky stars. Maybe the punishment is DS can come with you for the ride.

I think a really good talking to would be all he'd need. It was his job and he didn't do it properly. I can't really think what kind of punishment would be suitable...initially I thought maybe he paid you back some of his pocket money but I don't think I'd have the heart to do that to my kids. You'll get your purse back so all's well that ends well!!  biggrin.gif

#18 ~*Twilight~Zone*~

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:16 PM

At 8yrs old I think your disappointment in him would be more than enough punishment.

My DS is 12 and I know for him just me being disappointed in something he has done mortifies him.

#19 Quattuor Genitrix

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:27 PM

QUOTE
Another customer handed in my purse! Getting it back will be a logistical nightmare but I'm pretty relieved!


Am so pleased you have located your purse! It is a sickening feeling when you realise it has been left behind.  You can breathe now original.gif

#20 The Old Bag

Posted 29 January 2013 - 07:40 PM

Thanks everyone. My cards and things were strewn all over the road and the lovely gent collected them all.

#21 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 29 January 2013 - 07:47 PM

I'm so glad you got it back.

I would be furious at my 9 year old. We are going through a stage of me getting angry at him for not looking after his things. He just doesn't care and leaves things behind, out in the rain etc. so for him to have done this it would have been just another thing.

#22 namie

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

So glad it was handed back OP! Hopefully they can just mail it back in a trackable parcel, but I think I'd be making the drive to get it too.

It's always nice to learn there are lovely, honest people out there!

#23 MoonPie

Posted 29 January 2013 - 09:36 PM

What a rotten situation.

I would suggest sitting down with him and making a list of allllllllll the cards and things that need replacing.

Oh, that'll teach me to read only the first page of responses. Glad it got found!

#24 amabanana

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:54 AM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 29/01/2013, 04:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Another customer handed in my purse! Getting it back will be a logistical nightmare but I'm pretty relieved!

And thanks for the advice on DS everyone,  I'll let it go and watch him more carefully next time.



I'm so glad for you OP.  

Make him come with you for a boring drive.   wink.gif

#25 Great Dame

Posted 30 January 2013 - 08:44 AM

I'm glad you got it back.

To your original question, I think it would be terribly unfair to further punish your son.  It was an accident - one many adults have (I've picked up a purse with it's contents all over the road, and handed it into the police before too).  You can't punish accidents. His "punishment" has already been given - I'm sure he felt very upset to let you down.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Britain's youngest parents: mother 12, father 13

A 12-year-old schoolgirl and her 13-year-old boyfriend are believed to have become Britain?s youngest parents, after the birth of their baby girl earlier this week.

When Prince George met Bilby George

Prince George has met an Aussie marsupial named after him in his first official engagement in Australia.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Pregnant woman dies after doctor removes ovary instead of appendix

When a UK woman went to hospital suffering appendicitis, doctors mistakenly removed her healthy ovary - with tragic consequences.

The milestones I can't wait to celebrate

Nothing can beat the feeling of witnessing that first smile, first step and first word - but here's a list of 'firsts' I'm really looking forward to now.

How you develop in your baby's first year

Just as babies undergo rapid growth as they learn and change in their first year, we?re learning and changing quickly as parents, too. Don?t underestimate the developmental stages you go through when you have a baby.

Can you make your baby smarter even before birth?

A product new to Australia claims to help babies be born "as intelligent as possible", but not all experts agree on the benefits of educating babies while still in the womb.

How a mother's love helped unearth the skills of an autistic savant

Autistic savant Ping Lian Yeak, a prodigious artist who has had his work shown all over the world, couldn't have done it without the support and love of his proud mum.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

A tiny heart: a baby?s death gives life to another

Simon Alexander Garcia lived only one brief hour. But somewhere, a little girl?s heart is beating today because of him.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Why is childbirth still such a pain?

The options given to women to help them cope in labour have barely changed in years.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Ideas for recording baby milestones

Get the props, lights and camera ready to record the milestone moments in your baby's first months and years. Tip: set a reminder in your phone (or jot it in a calendar) to make sure you remember it every month.

From penis amputation to fatherhood

After a botched circumcision as a child, Mike Moore was left without a penis. Years later, and after meeting the right surgeon, he was able to become a dad - naturally.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Your baby's first shoes, made with your own hands

Imagine someone saying to you, "Your baby?s shoes are magnificent, where?d you get them?" And you reply, "Oh, these? I made them."

Mother bites off pit bull's ear to save toddler

What would you do if your child was being attacked by a vicious dog? One mother recently had to learn the hard way.

Couple dies 15 hours apart after 70 years of marriage

A couple who held hands at breakfast every morning even after 70 years of marriage have died 15 hours apart.

Behind the scenes of Kate and George's cuddly photo

Every face is partially obscured, but there's no denying the happiness and love in the faces of the royal mum and bub.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Your baby?s developmental roadmap

Caring for your new baby can feel like driving along a dark highway without a GPS: you know your destination ? a happy, healthy human being ? but you?re not sure whether you?re heading in the right direction.

Breaking out of the isolation of motherhood

There can be many reasons for mummy isolation ? and you don?t have to be a new mother to feel like you're often doing it all alone. Here, mums share their stories of feeling isolated, and what they do to try to break out of it.

The billionaire baby with $10,000 worth of prams

When money is no object you can go all out when it comes to baby transportation, as this billionaire socialite has shown.

Medication helps depressed mums to breastfeed

Breastfeeding mums are often told their medication may pass into their milk, but a new study suggests the benefits of taking antidepressants are greater than any risks to baby.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.