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Not coping with work - pregnancy

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#1 Satay Chicken

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:42 PM

This is a part vent but also wondering how others cope?

So, I'm nearly 23 weeks pregnant - its been a pretty good pregnancy except for the exhaustion, its like nothing I have ever felt before, I feel like at 80 year old woman.

Anyway, work is really taking its toll - I commute 3 hours a day, that includes walking 4.5km's from buses to work and back.  I get to work at 8 and usually can get out at 5pm but I find the days just so long especially now I am getting bad back pain.  Right now, after a terrible day, I am so tired I have lost my voice and I feel like bursting into tears... I just don't know I how I am going to get through to the end of April like this...  I also don't really have any friends at work so spend most of my days in silence, this just makes it that much harder...

How do others cope with long days??  Maybe I am just a lightweight...  sad.gif

#2 flear

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:51 PM

Working and being pregnant is hard. I am 31 weeks FTM and some days are a struggle for me more than others.
Is there a way that you can talk to your boss about either reducing your hours or working from home for one day?
I had such bad morning sickness that for the first 20 odd weeks of my pregnancy I couldn't work 5 days a week and had to have a sick day once a week just to be able to function for the rest of them. Is this something that you could do also?
How helpful/understanding is your partner? Mine gave me foot/lower back massages every couple of days and that helped me cope better as well.

It does get easier though!! Or you just get more use to it original.gif

Good luck with everything.

#3 carriesshoes

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:56 PM

I just focused on my end of work date and aiming for it!  

Admittedly I finished up work 4 weeks before my due date, but one of the main reasons was that I don't have toilets on my floor at work.  Going up and down emergency exit stairs when you can't see your feet, you need to pee a millions times a day, and you can't hang on for too long, really got the better of me!

#4 FeralBee

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:09 PM

*hugs* that sounds so hard, especially with a long commute!

I'm only in the early stages of pregnancy, but bad morning sickness has made working a nightmare. I'm lucky I have an understanding boss.

What is your workplace like for employee benefits? Can you talk to someone (your manager, your boss or HR, depending on the size and structure of your organisation) about how to manage this?

Before you approach anyone though, try to have a solution in mind. For me, starting a bit later has helped a lot because it gives me more time to rest in the morning.

Changing hours, going part time, working from home, or organising a temporary parking spot at the office to make your commute easier are a few potential solutions, obviously depending on your job situation.

When you talk to them, try to be clear and assertive. The current situation isn't working, and it is in their best interests to keep you since you are already trained in the job and (assumedly) plan to come back after maternity leave, meaning that long term they will retain someone they have invested in.

It is also in their best interests to ensure that you are able to be fully productive when you are at work, which in your current situation you are not - so highlight the benefits for them, and what you are willing to do to make it work for both you and your employer.

#5 Bunsen the feral

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:12 PM

That's a hell of a commute! I was travelling about an hour each way when pregnant with DS1 including a 1km uphill walk from the station. I arranged with a colleague that she would drop me at the station at the end of the day and in the morning I called the office to see if any one was heading out to do a coffee run and could they pick me up on the way! I figured if you don't ask you don't get - meant that most days I didn't have to walk both ways, I did have to shout a lot of coffees tho!

Towards the end (SPD and a 4.75kg baby do not make for happy walking) it was too much so I finished up early - about 6 weeks before my due date.

My abiding memory of that time is walking in the door each evening, throwing my bra on the floor and crawling into bed, DH would bring me dinner in bed, I was exhausted!

#6 MrsLexiK

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:21 PM

Oh Satay, I have a similar commute to you but without the walk.  I am in my car so that bit is much easier I feel (and with the holiday traffic still I am normally only averaging an 1 at the moment, getting to work at 8.45 and home by 6pm.  I suspect in t he next few weeks that will go out to 6.30 though.  

I started training the girl who was taking over my position on the 3rd Dec, she informed me after I had wasted basically Dec and Jan that this was not the job for her (this is after talking to her in Dec raising some points and me saying "are you sure this is right for you" and her nodding and saying yes of course it is I just take a bit to get used to things)

So now as opposed to just deligating working and keeping an eye on work, I will have to start training another person to take on my job again I hate training it is so stressful!

#7 deedee15

Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:30 PM

Wow, that commute is impressive, as others have said, see if you can either reduce your hours or start working from home if it is possible.
Otherwise can you stay somewhere a bit closer for one or two nights a week?

#8 Natttmumm

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:18 PM

I feel for you. The exhaustion is tough. I finished up at 33 weeks. I couldn't do anymore

#9 envs

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:28 PM

QUOTE (deedee15 @ 29/01/2013, 03:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wow, that commute is impressive, as others have said, see if you can either reduce your hours or start working from home if it is possible.
Otherwise can you stay somewhere a bit closer for one or two nights a week?


My folks were close by, and especially when they wree taking care of DS whilst I was at work, I was too exhausted to drive home, DH often worked late or away, so I just had spare clothes at my folks' and stayed there when I needed to

#10 Duck-o-lah

Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:32 PM

I've just come home from work sick and I must say I'm relieved to read that there are so many other ladies in the same boat, I feel soft for taking the arvo off sad.gif

Sorry OP, I don't have any more suggestions to add to pp's advice. I would definitely let your employer know you are struggling and see if you can come up with a mutual solution.

Also just wanted to sympathise original.gif I'm 30 weeks and work is getting really difficult. I just keep focusing on the end date and keeping my countdown going... 29 days to go!

#11 lozoodle

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:24 PM

Work is seriously starting to take its toll, im so over it. The only saving grace is my hours, i work 7-2. But the two hours a day commute is sh*t.

Roll on feb 15!!'

#12 elizabethany

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:30 PM

I would have a chat with your collegues, and see if anyone drives who can pick you up at the station and bring you back.  Reducing the amount you walk will help a lot with the tiredness.

#13 seaside_feral

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:33 PM

Work is exhausting during pregnancy.... I'm finding I get so tired these days & I don't have to commute like you do. I have commuted in the past before I was pregnant & even then it was very tiring.

Would you possibly be able to work from home one or two days a week? Or do you have friends or relaties closer to your work who you could possibly stay with once or twice a week?

I find drinking plenty of water & also getting up & walking around during the day help me to feel less tired too.

Good luck OP, hope you feel better soon!!

#14 Lauren Bell

Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:38 PM

Oh my gosh you poor thing :-( pregnancy is really hard.

Hang in there.. April isn't that far away, then you'll be home with your new baby :-)

I did cleaning in a hot summer for my ENTIRE pregnancy. Up til a week before, I'm small an had a massive bump and terrible MS the whole time. Work involved walking around all day in sweltering heat, carrying massive bags full of cleaning stuff up thousands of stairs, vacuuming and making beds all day... I did it because I knew It wasn't gonna last much longer and I just needed to get through a few months, it was all over before I knew it and I got paid parental leave and was able to have four months off. Good luck <3

#15 MummaBirdy

Posted 29 January 2013 - 09:03 PM

You poor thing, it is exhausting being pregnant and woeking long days, let alone all that travel. I am only 15 weeks pregnant at the moment but am not coping at all.
I've got a really stressful job and after I get home to look after DD and put her to bed I then have to get back online and keep working. It's a little better now I have actually told people at work that I'm pregnant, but I've been so sick at night and exhausted and stressed during the day, and have no idea how I'm possibly going to make it to the end of this pregnancy!
And I keep needing to remind myself that it's not all over when the baby comes, it's only the beginning!
Financially it will be difficult for me to take 4 weeks off prior to the birth but physically, emotionally, and for the sake of my relationships with dH and DD, I think I need some non work time before the baby arrives.
I'm sorry I haven't helped at all but i felt the pain and exhaustion in your post and wanted to share my same feelings and let you know you're not alone in this work/pregnancy struggle! Wishing you all the best.

Edited by MummaBirdy, 29 January 2013 - 09:04 PM.

#16 Koobie83

Posted 30 January 2013 - 09:08 AM

I can totally relate. But mine has more to do with the stress of my work rather than exhaustion. I'm so unbelievably over it. I have 9 weeks left before I start maternity leave but everyday I just can't be a$$ed with it anymore. I just don't care. Like if someone wants something done I just don't care. And this is weird for me. I'm usually so on top of my work but now I just don't care anymore.

#17 Satay Chicken

Posted 30 January 2013 - 09:29 AM

MissBB - Far out... that must have taken so much out of you  blink.gif

Thanks though, good to know others are over it too!  My work is pretty good, I actually slept in this morning and have only just come into work now, my boss was fine about that and he has already mentioned that the baby is much more important than my job - he's been good.

I spose I get a bit of pressure elsewhere in my office, there are girls here who worked to 2 weeks pre birth, waddling around - they stuck it out for their job!!  Thing is they were in their very early 30's, I'm 37 - makes a bit of a difference.

DH also saw how tired I was last night and is now going to try and pick me up from the bus stop rather than walking home - that will help heaps...

So, going to keep my eye on the prize....  happy.gif

#18 BeccaBoo88

Posted 30 January 2013 - 09:37 AM

Just adding that you aren't alone.

For my it was (well, is) the commute plus terrible co-workers making my life hard. I agree with people when they say focus on the end date (Feb 8th is like my own version of Christmas right now!). You say you're 37 and the other girls worked the whole way through... but who cares?? I'm 24, fit and healthy and have only gained about 9kg so far but I'm taking 6 weeks prior to my EDD. I'm not comparing myself to anyone else. They may not take the time, but for me it's important. Let them waddle around and push themselves to the end, but remember every pregnancy is different.

As for the pain, agree with PP about getting it checked out by a professional to see if you can make adjustments. It sounds like you have a great boss, so this shouldn't be too difficult to request.

Silent days. I can relate to this also. Download your favourite podcasts (or try out some new ones) and listen to them while you work. Turn on a radio. Email a friend every few hours.

Hoping things get better for you. original.gif

#19 SophieBear

Posted 30 January 2013 - 09:44 AM

I am 28w4d (but who's counting  rolleyes.gif  laughing2.gif) and honestly CBF going to work, I'm tired. I just want to sleeeppp!! I'm finishing up at 36 weeks because I know I'll be exhausted by then.

It takes me 20 mins to get to work and I have a low stress workplace at a desk and a little bit of driving to meet customers but I've pulled that back.

I have no idea how you're doing it! Please don't push yourself so hard. Are you able to get a taxi for that walk? That's full on! Especially in summer.

On my iPhone I have an app called countdown. It's 1 month 3 weeks 1 day and 8 hours until I finish up... or 40 working days (including today). If you count them down it'll seem like less!

Bring on the 22nd of March!!! (my last day!)

#20 janie1105

Posted 30 January 2013 - 09:45 AM

Just a quick note: good for you for working so hard with a long commute.  I used to nap on my lunch break.  A half hour sleep would do me the world of good.

#21 Koobie83

Posted 30 January 2013 - 09:45 AM

QUOTE (BeccaBoo88 @ 30/01/2013, 09:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You say you're 37 and the other girls worked the whole way through... but who cares?? I'm 24, fit and healthy and have only gained about 9kg so far but I'm taking 6 weeks prior to my EDD. I'm not comparing myself to anyone else. They may not take the time, but for me it's important. Let them waddle around and push themselves to the end, but remember every pregnancy is different.

Exactly. I'm taking 4 weeks off prior to EDD and that's because I just can't take it anymore. Even then my team leader sorted of wanted me to keep working up to the 2 week before EDD because she did and everyone else seems to these days, but you know I'm tired, stressed and over it already and if I could I would go on maternity leave now. So 4 weeks I think is a good time to just relax and get ready. There's more important things in life than work I reckon!

#22 mrs_tee

Posted 30 January 2013 - 01:38 PM

I hear you OP, the commute is a killer!  I spend at least 3 hours a day in the car getting to and from work, I spend all day at a desk, and I also have a tail bone injury which makes sitting for any length of time unbearable! I find getting up and going for a walk (even just to the bathroom or down the corridor) helps with back pain and tightness.  I try to take the dog for a walk if I get home early enough in the evenings too.

I'm lucky I work for a small practice with a very understanding boss who does whatever they can to make life easier for the staff.  I already work from home one day a week, and if I'm feeling up to it might even work from home after I finish up in the office 4 weeks before my EDD (mainly due to the commute - I don't want to be going into labour so far from home if I can help it!). If not, thats ok too, I haven't had a lot of free time to organise things for when the baby arrives like setting up the nursery or going shopping for things we still need so that should give me a chance to get things done provided the baby doesn't come early  smile1.gif

My best advice is to just talk to whoever you need to at work to see what can be done to make things a bit easier for your self.  As a PP suggested, have some ideas in mind of what you would like, then sit down and negotiate something.  I had a friend who quit a great job about half way through her first pregnancy because she was too tired - without ever trying to negotiate anything to make things easier for herself wacko.gif  

As for me, counting down the days until that final one is a great way to push through at 3pm when all I want to do is lie down and have someone wait on me with food and massage my feet  biggrin.gif

#23 countrychic29

Posted 30 January 2013 - 02:06 PM

Satay Chicken, i hear you ... 23 weeks here and although i dont do the 3 hour commute .. mine is only 2. Im over work, i'm over the stress and got insanely jealous while catching up with my cousins wife who goes on maternity leave on friday (ok so she is 35weeks)  biggrin.gif
The only thing getting me through is counting down the days until May - however we need the money so will probably only have 2 full weeks off and work 3-4 days a week from home in the last 6 weeks.

talk to your employer about how they can make it easier for you, you are more valuable to them working from home or cutting your hours so you can cope rather than quitting in a fit of tears (the thought has also crossed my mind)

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