Jump to content

Does this sound like a friendship over?


  • Please log in to reply
57 replies to this topic

#1 zande

Posted 29 January 2013 - 10:54 AM

..

Edited by zande, 29 January 2013 - 07:50 PM.


#2 bonnybabe

Posted 29 January 2013 - 10:59 AM

I would ask them over for a date about a month away, see if they are busy, or if they come.  If they don't come, or wait to see if they have better plans, then yep she is a fair weather friend and you have to decide if you are happy enough as it is, or if you just stop putting yourself out and just meet up when it suits the both of you.

#3 Ianthe

Posted 29 January 2013 - 10:59 AM

The first part about the busy life that I can understand. But when I got to the part about your DH doing that work for them I was shocked. Maybe she has a huge social circle so she can use people for their different skills?

#4 Jigsy 0308

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:02 AM

I have a similar situation. My advice - let it go. I was the one doing all the inviting and running around etc. Then one day recently I had a light bulb moment and realised all she was doing was taking from me constantly.

It seems you value the friendship more than she does.

#5 Great Dame

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:02 AM

The last bit makes them sound like big fat users.  Who does that?  Rude, rude, rude.  Sorry OP.

#6 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:03 AM

It doesn't sound great. Especially if she never suggests a convenient time to catch up.

Kind of sound like a bunch of users.

#7 ~sydblue~

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:04 AM

Until sort of near the end I was thinking "Yeah I can get where the friend is coming from," simply because that is our life sometimes. We spend so much time on the kids, that sometimes we just have to say no to someone. No matter what the occasion.
However when I read the end about your DH doing the work for them, I thought "Drop the friendship or tell the friend how you are feeling and leave the ball in her court."


#8 Sassy Dingo

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:04 AM

Stop calling and see if she calls you.

#9 agnodice

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:04 AM

Well, if you have few other friends, just 'letting her go' just makes you the loser, doesn't it?

What happened to talking to her about how you feel?

#10 solongsuckers

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:15 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 29/01/2013, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, if you have few other friends, just 'letting her go' just makes you the loser, doesn't it?

What happened to talking to her about how you feel?


Freeing yourself of people that just use hardly makes you a loser. I'd rather have no friends than a bunch of crappy ones.

#11 chubbabub

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:16 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 29/01/2013, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, if you have few other friends, just 'letting her go' just makes you the loser, doesn't it?

What happened to talking to her about how you feel?



Wow, that's a bit harsh. Just because she doesn't have a large social circle, doesn't mean she is the one to lose out. The so called friend, sounds to me like its all on her terms and a user to boot.

Op, I too would stop calling her and see if still contacts you, if she doesn't, you are probably better off seeing her only sporadically and on your terms, if at all. Good luck.




#12 **BOOM**

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:17 AM

Wow, I can't believe the last part.

Sounds to me that they have chewed you up and spat you out. They no longer need help with the Reno so no need to put that extra effort into your friendship.  

I agree with PP, don't contact her & wait to see if she contacts you. If she doesn't then there is your answer.  sad.gif

I feel for your DH, he must feel very used.   some people are unbelievable....

Do you guys need anything done around your place that your friends DH can help with. If so, maybe ask if he can help given that your DH did what he did for them....then see how they react to that.

Might be time to let go, move on & concentrate on friendships that are more of a two way street.



#13 CallMeProtart

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:21 AM

QUOTE (zande @ 29/01/2013, 11:54 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Does it sound like she's just not that into me?  cry1.gif


Yep. Sorry.

And that last bit with your DH working??? That's bizarre! I feel uncomfortable doing that even when the person is PAID to work - to behave like that for a freebie - sorry why do you want to know these people again???  ohmy.gif

#14 JECJEC

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:23 AM

I cant believe that your DH didn't state that the guy needed to help. What kind of reno was your DH doing if he is not a licensed builder - big risk on your and DH part.

Do what you feel comfortable. If you get something out of going to the kids concerts then go, if you dont then dont go. If you want to have a coffee with her when she calls then go, if its inconvenient then dont. It really doesn't have to be complicated.



#15 bakesgirls

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:29 AM

TBH, it sounds as though there was no real friendship to begin with. She only wanted to see you when it was convenient for her or she had nothing else to do.

It always amazes me how many people there are like this out there, yet they seem to have so many friends and a big social circle. When really they are not nice people and they are users.

If I were you OP, I'd just stop making an effort, if she calls and wants to see you decide from there what you want to do. If not, then at least you haven't wasted time on her.

#16 Peppery

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:35 AM

QUOTE (Sassy Dingo @ 29/01/2013, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Stop calling and see if she calls you.


I was going to suggest this as well.

#17 ~*Twilight~Zone*~

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:36 AM

Send her an invoice for the work your DH did.  (Sorry off-shoot from other topics I have recently read).

I would try again once more asking something like "oh well if you are busy on XYZ day then let me know when you are free and we'll catch up"

Put it back to her and if she doesn't organise something drop her.

#18 opethmum

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:45 AM

Sorry but I think you have had your usefulness to her, your DH did their renovations and that what you were needed for and no she does not see you as useful any more. She is possibly a narcissist and you were buttered up and then some. Time to move on and pay no more attention to her, she is very rude and she has taken advantage of your kindness. You do not need people like that in your life.


So sorry. I do hope you can heal and move on and find a friend who values you as much as you do them.



#19 Leela321

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:53 AM

Sorry but she's just that into you.

#20 Peanut

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:57 AM

I knew someone like that too OP, its really not nice when you realise that you've "outlived your usefulness".  sad.gif

As others have suggested, give it one last go and arrange a get together in a few weeks.  If you get the typical refusal, then I think you have your answer.  



#21 icekool

Posted 29 January 2013 - 01:26 PM

Just step back for a while and see how you feel, if you want to pursue the friendship. Some friendships take breaks and continue later one. Some go through cycles. If you do want to be her friend, don't let it go just yet.

#22 FloralArrangement

Posted 29 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE
I would try again once more asking something like "oh well if you are busy on XYZ day then let me know when you are free and we'll catch up"


I did this with a couple of friends and we all moved on from each other. Or "We should catch up soon" and my response "That would be great" and never hearing from them again. I stopped investing in these friendships. The first one because we had become such different people, 2nd one because while she is a lovely person seems to stretch herself too far and doesn't get when she lets people down.

Your "friends" don't actually sound very nice and very much in the user category. Fancy getting a "friend" to do major reno's free of charge and not even doing work yourselves. That is really off OP.

Edited by FloralArrangement, 29 January 2013 - 01:50 PM.


#23 Liadan

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:04 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 29/01/2013, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, if you have few other friends, just 'letting her go' just makes you the loser, doesn't it?

What happened to talking to her about how you feel?


I'd rather be a loser with less friends, than a loser with friends who are users.

I'm not sure why ditching a "friend" who is a user would make the OP a "loser"..

Or maybe that is just your view? if a person doesn't have a lot of friends, they must be a loser. I suddenly feel like I'm back in highschool.

IMO, quality over quantity.

#24 Regular Show

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:09 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 29/01/2013, 10:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, if you have few other friends, just 'letting her go' just makes you the loser, doesn't it?

What happened to talking to her about how you feel?


So shes just meant to 'take what she can get' hey? Rude.

I would stop calling also and let the friendship slide. If she is serious she'll make the effort.

There's nothing worse than a one way friendship - its something I despise.

#25 Jax12

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:23 PM

I also was empathising with your friend initially until I got to the last part.

I would definitely NOT do the, 'Just don't call and see what happens' advice a few PPs have suggested.  This is just going to stress you out and cause prolonged anxiety, who knows for how long.  I would choose a date/event a few weeks away and if she says she's busy talk to her about how you're feeling.  Say I really value our friendship and I know that life is busy, but we haven't seen each other for a long time and I'm really missing our catch ups.

I would then play it by ear.  See what she comes back with and decide how open you want to be about feeling like she's not that into you.  Hopefully she's not a terrible friend who has chewed you up and spat you out and you can move forward and be a bit happier.

If it were me I would need some closure before writing off the friendship so would definitely talk to her.  Perhaps an email if you're not confident saying it over the phone or in person.

Good luck with it.  It's awful when you feel a bit abandoned by someone you care about.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Britain's youngest parents: mother 12, father 13

A 12-year-old schoolgirl and her 13-year-old boyfriend are believed to have become Britain?s youngest parents, after the birth of their baby girl earlier this week.

When Prince George met Bilby George

Prince George has met an Aussie marsupial named after him in his first official engagement in Australia.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Pregnant woman dies after doctor removes ovary instead of appendix

When a UK woman went to hospital suffering appendicitis, doctors mistakenly removed her healthy ovary - with tragic consequences.

The milestones I can't wait to celebrate

Nothing can beat the feeling of witnessing that first smile, first step and first word - but here's a list of 'firsts' I'm really looking forward to now.

How you develop in your baby's first year

Just as babies undergo rapid growth as they learn and change in their first year, we?re learning and changing quickly as parents, too. Don?t underestimate the developmental stages you go through when you have a baby.

Can you make your baby smarter even before birth?

A product new to Australia claims to help babies be born "as intelligent as possible", but not all experts agree on the benefits of educating babies while still in the womb.

How a mother's love helped unearth the skills of an autistic savant

Autistic savant Ping Lian Yeak, a prodigious artist who has had his work shown all over the world, couldn't have done it without the support and love of his proud mum.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

A tiny heart: a baby?s death gives life to another

Simon Alexander Garcia lived only one brief hour. But somewhere, a little girl?s heart is beating today because of him.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Why is childbirth still such a pain?

The options given to women to help them cope in labour have barely changed in years.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Ideas for recording baby milestones

Get the props, lights and camera ready to record the milestone moments in your baby's first months and years. Tip: set a reminder in your phone (or jot it in a calendar) to make sure you remember it every month.

From penis amputation to fatherhood

After a botched circumcision as a child, Mike Moore was left without a penis. Years later, and after meeting the right surgeon, he was able to become a dad - naturally.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Your baby's first shoes, made with your own hands

Imagine someone saying to you, "Your baby?s shoes are magnificent, where?d you get them?" And you reply, "Oh, these? I made them."

Mother bites off pit bull's ear to save toddler

What would you do if your child was being attacked by a vicious dog? One mother recently had to learn the hard way.

Couple dies 15 hours apart after 70 years of marriage

A couple who held hands at breakfast every morning even after 70 years of marriage have died 15 hours apart.

Behind the scenes of Kate and George's cuddly photo

Every face is partially obscured, but there's no denying the happiness and love in the faces of the royal mum and bub.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Your baby?s developmental roadmap

Caring for your new baby can feel like driving along a dark highway without a GPS: you know your destination ? a happy, healthy human being ? but you?re not sure whether you?re heading in the right direction.

Breaking out of the isolation of motherhood

There can be many reasons for mummy isolation ? and you don?t have to be a new mother to feel like you're often doing it all alone. Here, mums share their stories of feeling isolated, and what they do to try to break out of it.

The billionaire baby with $10,000 worth of prams

When money is no object you can go all out when it comes to baby transportation, as this billionaire socialite has shown.

Medication helps depressed mums to breastfeed

Breastfeeding mums are often told their medication may pass into their milk, but a new study suggests the benefits of taking antidepressants are greater than any risks to baby.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.