Jump to content

Does this sound like a friendship over?


  • Please log in to reply
53 replies to this topic

#1 zande

Posted 29 January 2013 - 10:54 AM

..

Edited by zande, 29 January 2013 - 07:50 PM.


#2 bonnybabe

Posted 29 January 2013 - 10:59 AM

I would ask them over for a date about a month away, see if they are busy, or if they come.  If they don't come, or wait to see if they have better plans, then yep she is a fair weather friend and you have to decide if you are happy enough as it is, or if you just stop putting yourself out and just meet up when it suits the both of you.

#3 Ianthe

Posted 29 January 2013 - 10:59 AM

The first part about the busy life that I can understand. But when I got to the part about your DH doing that work for them I was shocked. Maybe she has a huge social circle so she can use people for their different skills?

#4 Jigsy 0308

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:02 AM

I have a similar situation. My advice - let it go. I was the one doing all the inviting and running around etc. Then one day recently I had a light bulb moment and realised all she was doing was taking from me constantly.

It seems you value the friendship more than she does.

#5 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:03 AM

It doesn't sound great. Especially if she never suggests a convenient time to catch up.

Kind of sound like a bunch of users.

#6 ~sydblue~

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:04 AM

Until sort of near the end I was thinking "Yeah I can get where the friend is coming from," simply because that is our life sometimes. We spend so much time on the kids, that sometimes we just have to say no to someone. No matter what the occasion.
However when I read the end about your DH doing the work for them, I thought "Drop the friendship or tell the friend how you are feeling and leave the ball in her court."


#7 Sassy Dingo

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:04 AM

Stop calling and see if she calls you.

#8 No-pants Agnodice

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:04 AM

Well, if you have few other friends, just 'letting her go' just makes you the loser, doesn't it?

What happened to talking to her about how you feel?

#9 solongsuckers

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:15 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 29/01/2013, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, if you have few other friends, just 'letting her go' just makes you the loser, doesn't it?

What happened to talking to her about how you feel?


Freeing yourself of people that just use hardly makes you a loser. I'd rather have no friends than a bunch of crappy ones.

#10 chubbabub

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:16 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 29/01/2013, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, if you have few other friends, just 'letting her go' just makes you the loser, doesn't it?

What happened to talking to her about how you feel?



Wow, that's a bit harsh. Just because she doesn't have a large social circle, doesn't mean she is the one to lose out. The so called friend, sounds to me like its all on her terms and a user to boot.

Op, I too would stop calling her and see if still contacts you, if she doesn't, you are probably better off seeing her only sporadically and on your terms, if at all. Good luck.




#11 **BOOM**

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:17 AM

Wow, I can't believe the last part.

Sounds to me that they have chewed you up and spat you out. They no longer need help with the Reno so no need to put that extra effort into your friendship.  

I agree with PP, don't contact her & wait to see if she contacts you. If she doesn't then there is your answer.  sad.gif

I feel for your DH, he must feel very used.   some people are unbelievable....

Do you guys need anything done around your place that your friends DH can help with. If so, maybe ask if he can help given that your DH did what he did for them....then see how they react to that.

Might be time to let go, move on & concentrate on friendships that are more of a two way street.



#12 CallMeFeral

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:21 AM

QUOTE (zande @ 29/01/2013, 11:54 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Does it sound like she's just not that into me?  cry1.gif


Yep. Sorry.

And that last bit with your DH working??? That's bizarre! I feel uncomfortable doing that even when the person is PAID to work - to behave like that for a freebie - sorry why do you want to know these people again???  ohmy.gif

#13 JECJEC

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:23 AM

I cant believe that your DH didn't state that the guy needed to help. What kind of reno was your DH doing if he is not a licensed builder - big risk on your and DH part.

Do what you feel comfortable. If you get something out of going to the kids concerts then go, if you dont then dont go. If you want to have a coffee with her when she calls then go, if its inconvenient then dont. It really doesn't have to be complicated.



#14 bakesgirls

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:29 AM

TBH, it sounds as though there was no real friendship to begin with. She only wanted to see you when it was convenient for her or she had nothing else to do.

It always amazes me how many people there are like this out there, yet they seem to have so many friends and a big social circle. When really they are not nice people and they are users.

If I were you OP, I'd just stop making an effort, if she calls and wants to see you decide from there what you want to do. If not, then at least you haven't wasted time on her.

#15 Peppery

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:35 AM

QUOTE (Sassy Dingo @ 29/01/2013, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Stop calling and see if she calls you.


I was going to suggest this as well.

#16 opethmum

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:45 AM

Sorry but I think you have had your usefulness to her, your DH did their renovations and that what you were needed for and no she does not see you as useful any more. She is possibly a narcissist and you were buttered up and then some. Time to move on and pay no more attention to her, she is very rude and she has taken advantage of your kindness. You do not need people like that in your life.


So sorry. I do hope you can heal and move on and find a friend who values you as much as you do them.



#17 Leela321

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:53 AM

Sorry but she's just that into you.

#18 Peanut

Posted 29 January 2013 - 11:57 AM

I knew someone like that too OP, its really not nice when you realise that you've "outlived your usefulness".  sad.gif

As others have suggested, give it one last go and arrange a get together in a few weeks.  If you get the typical refusal, then I think you have your answer.  



#19 icekool

Posted 29 January 2013 - 01:26 PM

Just step back for a while and see how you feel, if you want to pursue the friendship. Some friendships take breaks and continue later one. Some go through cycles. If you do want to be her friend, don't let it go just yet.

#20 Floral Arrangement

Posted 29 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE
I would try again once more asking something like "oh well if you are busy on XYZ day then let me know when you are free and we'll catch up"


I did this with a couple of friends and we all moved on from each other. Or "We should catch up soon" and my response "That would be great" and never hearing from them again. I stopped investing in these friendships. The first one because we had become such different people, 2nd one because while she is a lovely person seems to stretch herself too far and doesn't get when she lets people down.

Your "friends" don't actually sound very nice and very much in the user category. Fancy getting a "friend" to do major reno's free of charge and not even doing work yourselves. That is really off OP.

Edited by FloralArrangement, 29 January 2013 - 01:50 PM.


#21 Liadan

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:04 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 29/01/2013, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, if you have few other friends, just 'letting her go' just makes you the loser, doesn't it?

What happened to talking to her about how you feel?


I'd rather be a loser with less friends, than a loser with friends who are users.

I'm not sure why ditching a "friend" who is a user would make the OP a "loser"..

Or maybe that is just your view? if a person doesn't have a lot of friends, they must be a loser. I suddenly feel like I'm back in highschool.

IMO, quality over quantity.

#22 Jax12

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:23 PM

I also was empathising with your friend initially until I got to the last part.

I would definitely NOT do the, 'Just don't call and see what happens' advice a few PPs have suggested.  This is just going to stress you out and cause prolonged anxiety, who knows for how long.  I would choose a date/event a few weeks away and if she says she's busy talk to her about how you're feeling.  Say I really value our friendship and I know that life is busy, but we haven't seen each other for a long time and I'm really missing our catch ups.

I would then play it by ear.  See what she comes back with and decide how open you want to be about feeling like she's not that into you.  Hopefully she's not a terrible friend who has chewed you up and spat you out and you can move forward and be a bit happier.

If it were me I would need some closure before writing off the friendship so would definitely talk to her.  Perhaps an email if you're not confident saying it over the phone or in person.

Good luck with it.  It's awful when you feel a bit abandoned by someone you care about.

#23 Chchgirl

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:24 PM

I also don't think ditching friends that aren't real makes you a loser. I feel free without toxic users in my life.

I lost most of our friends when my dh died, I heard from hardly anyone after his funeral. It has been more than six months. I have ditched ones that don't bother either.

I prefer a few real friends who mean more to me and I will be there for them as well..Life's too short.

I agree with PP's, stop calling and inviting and see what happens. It usually sorts the real ones out from the fakeys.

#24 epl0822

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:25 PM

Why do you want such a person as your friend?

The part about renovation work is very revealing about what sort of a person she is.

#25 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:26 PM

I have a friend who for a few years would see at least 3-4 times a week, our kids went to preschool together, did swimming lessons together, we used to go walking together, and even better our husbands get along great.

Once our older kids went to school  (different schools) we found we were seeing less and less of each other.

Now here's the thing, we acknowledged this to each other, she has four kids, I have three, both of us have kids heavily involved in sport, she has a huge family. We both volunteer, both work part time, basically have busy lives.

Instead of cracking the sh*ts about this we have reassessed our friendship. We aren't as close as we used to be but chat every now and then and catch up as families 3 or 4 times a year. We have a Christmas tradition we make sure we do every year.

Talk to your friend, tell her you are sad your friendship has changed and that you want to retain some form of friendship, then at least if nothing changes at least you have tried.

I think EB is way too quick with the drop the b**ch sentiment





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

Toddler freed after getting trapped in escalator

A shopping centre escalator needed to be pulled apart to free a toddler's trapped hand.

Why I'm kind of excited about my daughter's nits

Is it weird to say that I am secretly thrilled to find that my daughter Edie has nits?

Baby born at 10:11 on 12-13-14

Well, it's actually 13-12-14 to us over here. But still, Clare Elizabeth Keane's consecutive numerical birth time is pretty special.

On holding tightly and loving fiercely

We can't live in fear. This post is about Christmas and how at this time we should be celebrating life and grateful for what we have: our loved ones who we cherish fiercely.

Babies, relatives and coping with Christmas day

Everyone will love your baby but your baby may not be so happy to be passed around a lot of new people - nor may you want to feed with an audience.

Why I won't be posting pictures of my baby on Facebook

There are pros and cons to this policy.

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.