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night time outings for teens
is this normal/accepted?

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28 replies to this topic

#1 bloodorange

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:45 PM

Have I missed something or is it now the norm that teens feel they have the right to be out at night?
15 year old wants to go out with friends to dinners, movies etc.  
Dont have a problem with day time outings but night time.  I know their outings arent as innocent as what they tell there parents. It's not just a dinner or a movie that they are headed for.
I dont think a teen has enough street smarts in them.  There dress style is anything but conservative and i feel that they could become easy targets at night.
Your thoughts?

#2 QueenIanthe

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:52 PM

I am 42 and used to go out a lot at night with friends.

My son is 16 and they seem to do more daytime outings. I wouldn't be overly concerned if he was out at night though. It would depend on the area though. Out to the movies or dinner I wouldn't have a problem with and public transport isn't great here so I would be dropping off/picking up.

#3 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:52 PM

At 15 dd was probably just starting to go out at night occasionally but it was things like cafes for dinner, shopping, movies(not clubs or walking around the mall),  I would drop her there and pick her up. Now at 17 she goes out to a few parties at friends houses etc.
I've never had a problem with it if I knew the friends, dropped them there, picked them up. 15 was probably the youngest they started doing that sort of thing though.

#4 Fright bat

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:53 PM

It was the norm when I was 15, about a billion years ago.

I went to movies and dinners that were just that. Even my very strict parents let me out for those sorts of normal social interactions.

#5 Apageintime

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:54 PM

At 16 I lived out of home for uni. I'm glad I got a chance to develop some 'street smarts' before I had moved out.

When do you want them to wait to go outside at night? 18? 21?

You don't have to let your teen out all hours but surely an evening movie or dinner isn't that bad?

#6 weepingangel

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:55 PM

My DD15 and her close group of friends often go out at night time. I have no problem with it. They are dropped off  and picked up by parents.

It is either dinner, movies, concerts, occasionally someone's birthday party etc.

I believe my DD to be fairly sensible and she has a good group of friends so I'm happy for her to go.

#7 mumto4boys

Posted 27 January 2013 - 10:00 PM

I don't think that night time is out of the question at 15, as long as it's not a school night but I am pretty tough on time frames.

If my teens wanted to go to dinner and a movie, then the time frame fits that. It does not include time for just hanging around and loitering at shops etc. I double check the movie times online and allow 15 minutes before and after. This does not include time for walking to McDonalds after the movie and hanging out there either.

I do think there are times that you need to be one step ahead of teens though. A few years ago now DS2 was very insistent about a particular pick up time. This was enough for me to be suspicious and come back 30 minutes early. It turns out he'd been picked up from the movie theatre, by another parent and taken elsewhere. To this day I have no idea if the other parent knew that she'd been part of a plan or not, but the fault was with my DS as far as I was concerned because he certainly knew what he was up to. They had only gone to another restaurant up the road so I have no idea why he didn't just ask, but anyway, you should have seen the look on his face when the parent delivered him back and I was there waiting. He's 21 now and certainly still remembers it  cool.gif

So, night time outings on weekends, not out of the question but with strict limits and no just hanging out at the shops or around the streets.

#8 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 27 January 2013 - 10:36 PM

When I was 16 I was in a serious relationship. I was pretty much free to roam as I wished. Though I moved in Christian circles so we didn't sleep around, nightclub club or go to parties etc.  My boyfriend was 2 years older so drove me places.

#9 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 27 January 2013 - 10:43 PM

With DD we had no hesitation letting her go out at night as she has always been reliable and was not easily swayed by others, but DS is a different story as he is a bit of a follower and is easily talked into doing stupid things. Certain friends are OK for him to go out with but others I wouldn't let him out with until he is 30.

#10 FeralCrazyMum

Posted 27 January 2013 - 10:46 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 27/01/2013, 10:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It was the norm when I was 15, about a billion years ago.

I went to movies and dinners that were just that. Even my very strict parents let me out for those sorts of normal social interactions.

This too. Ice skating, movies, hanging out at a friend's place. I think I was supposed to be home by 11pm.

#11 delli

Posted 27 January 2013 - 10:46 PM

Id have no problem with evening / night activities at 15, it is transport to and fro that scares me, so I would definitely be driving there and going back later to pick up.
Other than that DD can go for her life!

#12 lotsa

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

I am super strict and have a preference for day stuff. DH and I both can remember the shenanigans we/friends  got up to at this age.

#13 kpingitquiet

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:19 PM

It was pretty normal for us to go to things at night. Some were relatively innocent like "Young Life" (youth group sorta thing) in someone's basement then out to McDs, after. High school football games on Friday nights were totally normal. Study sessions at the 24hr university library before exams. All-ages shows at the local metal/grunge venue, movies and whatnot on weekends. It wasn't every night but probably twice per week that we'd be out til 10pm, sometimes 11pm on a weekend. This was in a small city, with a major university, in the early/mid 90s. Hell, my summer jobs in restaurants had me out past 10pm several nights per week, and that's from 14-years-old.

Sometimes somebody's parents drove, sometimes mine, but there was also a short-list of trusted seniors my mom was ok with driving me around. She and step-dad had the unusual advantage of having taught a lot of my older friends original.gif If I broke curfew, or did anything else suspicious, the penalty was harsh so I greatly preferred just enjoying the freedoms I had considering my parents were pretty strict compared to most of the others.

In all truth, we didn't get up to that much trouble at all. A little sneaking of a drink or a cig, here and there, but all of us have managed to go on to be productive, respectable type folks hehe. Of course, the legal drinking age was 21 and that made it a bit harder for young/mid-teens to get into bars or inappropriate clubs.

#14 Crinkle cut

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:15 PM

It wasn't the norm when I was 15 (18 years ago)  I started being allowed out after 5pm when I was 16 - only one night a week, and home by 10pm.  I was not allowed to walk home and had to pay my taxi fare from money I earned working part time.

How many of the above posters who said it was normal when they were teens are from the US?

ETA:  I only ask about US as I always read american trashy teen romances where the kids were out at football games and movies till late and it seemed normal.  The strict parents were 'Home by ten!' and I could never relate to that :-/

Edited by ~maryanne~, 28 January 2013 - 03:19 PM.

#15 QueenIanthe

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:24 PM

After 5pm even in summer maryanne? I let my 10yo out later than that!

Not American here, grew up in Sydney.

#16 HRH Countrymel

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:24 PM

I was (I'm 41) and like a pp I was living away from home from the age of 17 to go to Uni. so I could obviously go where and when I pleased then.

My parents were older and had a reputation for being 'really strict' but I was certainly going to the cinema, out for pizza, basketball games et. al..

Why not?

Sheesh.....at 11 years old I was doing an evening paper round!

#17 erindiv

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:30 PM

My brother was allowed out at night at that age. I didn't want to go out, but it would have been the same for me if I'd wanted to.

That was only 8 years ago though.

#18 Crinkle cut

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:31 PM

QUOTE (Ianthe @ 28/01/2013, 03:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
After 5pm even in summer maryanne? I let my 10yo out later than that!

Not American here, grew up in Sydney.

Yep...  But in that regard and 'bedtime' and 'showertime' etc I think they were ridiculously strict (bed time was 8.30 till I left home!!..  Yes, 16 years old and still having a bedtime.  Showers had to be had a 5pm - they were pretty regimented, right down to what and how much we could eat. I still remember breakfast was 3 weet bix, morning tea was one piece of fruit and a sweet biscuit or a cracker, lunch was 4 slices of bread with spread.  Afternoon tea was 1 sweet biscuit and a cup of cordial - every.single.day. for as long as I can remember.)

Apart from the occasional party most of my friends were not allowed out late at night either, not unless a parent was taking them somewhere.  (But then again - perhas they were and I was unaware of it - I was grounded for a year (lasted 6 months) when I was 15 and moved schools and it ruined my social life - that six months and the six months following I HAD no friends.  So possibly between 15 and 16 they were allowed, but certainly not before that.

Like most here I think my daughter will be right to go out to movies or skating or whatever, but I'll be picking her up, she won't be randomly wandering the streets (If I can help it :-) )

Edited by ~maryanne~, 28 January 2013 - 03:38 PM.

#19 ~sydblue~

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:32 PM

I think it depends on the kid and their group of friends. Some can be trusted, and others just can't be.
There are a couple of friends DD has that I would allow her to go out with to the movies at night now, at 13yrs. However there are some that I wouldn't even allow her to go out with during the day unsupervised.

#20 Walkers

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:48 PM

I don't think it is anything new. I used to go out nights at 15, nothing wild usually just to dinner or the movies with girlfriends.
We let our girls do the same as long as we know all the details such as who they are going with, where they are going and how they are getting to/from. We will usually pick the 15yo up or know the parents who are collecting the kids and will chat with them if we feel the need. At 15 we have plenty of restrictions though, times are strict and the places they can go are limited. Definitely no hanging around shops & streets and so far the girls have never wanted to do anything like that - my dh is a policeman and I think he has successfully got the message through to them about personal safety.

#21 a letter to Elise.

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:49 PM

As a formerly very naughty teenager, I can assure you that there are just as many naughty things you can get up to during the day as at night.
The best thing you can do is look at specific time frames of what they are doing (like looking up movie times as a pp suggested). Be aware of who their friend are, and be able to talk to them about how they spend their time without freaking out. Drop them off and pick them up, so you know they are travelling safely, plus you can see what state they are in.
I was allowed out at night from about 14 for things like school discos and the movies, as were most of my friends, and this was over 20 years ago. I got into much more mischief after school though!

#22 greenthumbs

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:53 PM

I was rarely allowed out at night. Similar to pp, bedtimes, had to ask for food, driven everywhere. From my memory, very strict - especially compared to other parents.

Hence, I rebelled, snuck out the window after lights out, drank, smoked, lied about having sleep overs and went to parties. Then left home at 16.

I think I'll try to be a little more lenient with DS when he is a teenager (hopefully he'll be like his dad though - a good boy biggrin.gif ).


Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:53 PM

I was allowed out at night from about 13/14. I was working though so a lot of the time I'd be working til 10pm, but I also remember going late night shopping every Thursday with friends, and also walking to and from friends houses at night time after being at their place. Going to movies, parties, dinners.
I'm 23 so it wasn't that long go either, and my parents were strict.

The way I see it is how do you expect your child to learn to be street smart if you don't give them enough freedom to learn it themselves?

#24 Crinkle cut

Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:57 PM

Hence, I rebelled, snuck out the window after lights out, drank, smoked, lied about having sleep overs and went to parties. Then left home at 16.

Yep, this exactly!!  Except the one time I snuck out the police picked me up - hence being grounded for a year.  Left home at 16, my sisters left home at 15 and 16 also.

#25 Mianta

Posted 28 January 2013 - 04:00 PM

I am not American and have never lived in America, and I was allowed out at night at 15yo. My parents didn't get home from work until around 6 or 7 in the evening, so they could hardly police any sort of afternoon curfew. I was responsible for organising my self and caring for myself in general. My parents certainly didn't impose a strict routine. Sorry, that sounds a little silly for someone who is in their mid to late teens. An adolescent needs to learn to be a functional human being who can care for themselves once they become an adult.

My night outings were mostly to hang out at friends' houses, going to parties, the movies or to McDonalds or to sit at the beach with my friends/boyfriend. I had a curfew of around 11pm which increased to around 1am when I was in Year 12. I broke my curfew many times, of course rolleyes.gif

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