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WWYD re DV
**Warning abuse mentioned**


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33 replies to this topic

#1 yodie86

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

So I am in two minds about what to do in this situation and was wondering what EB would do?

We have lived in our apartment block for less than 3 months. It is a small unit block of 6 units.
Within the first week we heard our upstairs neighbours fighting, the normal yelling and then I heard the woman yell out 'Stop it you're hurting me' and what sounded like a slap. This happened a few times in a 10 minute period. Of course I was horrified and scared for her safety so we called the police.
They came and spoke to the neighbours and left - he stayed in the apartment as she had said that nothing had happened and she didn't cry out what we said she did.

A week or so after the first time we heard them again, this time louder and longer. It was enough to bring 4 out of the 5 neighbours out onto balconies. One of them said that this was not unusual and they had heard it quite often.

Again I called the police as this time I heard the slap and heard someone hit the floor. Again the police left and said that she had denied that they were fighting.

So tonight again they are at it, My DH is of the opinion that as she has denied twice that they were fighting we should not ring anymore. I am in two minds. I do not want him to get more upset with her because the Police are arriving and hurt her more but I feel bad if I do nothing.

So EB, would you continue to call the police for each fight or leave it ?

Edited by yodie86, 27 January 2013 - 09:23 PM.


#2 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:25 PM

I would call the police. Every. Single. Time.  

But that is me, amd I know not everyone will share that opinion.

#3 Fossy

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

I'd continue to call. If he's willing to slap her around when he knows neighbors are listening and calling the police imagine what he'd do if he thought no one was listening.



#4 SnazzyFeral

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

I would keep calling because in cases of DV the victim doesn't have to press charges any more, now the police can do it without the victims say so where there is sufficient evidence. continued call outs can be used to support the case. This removes the pressure on the victim and possibility mitigates retribution against the victim.

#5 QueenElsa

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

Record the abuse. Then phone the police.  Also talk to the female alone at a quiet time if you can and offer for her to come to your door when it gets bad and ask her to leave him for her safety.  She could be killed next time . sad.gif

#6 WonkieTonkie

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

I would call the police. It might take some more visits but she may eventually ask them for help.

#7 Riotproof

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I think you need to ring.

#8 Purelle

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I would call. Every time. Not only does it give police a pattern of abuse it she oes decide to leave you have given her the tools to get a restraining order. Also, what if he lkills her? Could you live with the guilt. I'm not being horrible just realistic. Also one night she might have enough and report him. Police also do not need her to make a complaint to put an interim restraining order in place to protect her if they believe their is abuse occurring. In the end it's up to you, but please consider calling, for your sake not just hers.

#9 uni22corn

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

Having been in a DV relationship I would say call every time. This may just be the time she gets fed up and decides enough is enough. I also think now the police can intervene without her confirming the DV.

#10 Purelle

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

I wouldn't offer your home as safety, for your own safety this is a bad bad bad idea.

#11 BellaMoja

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:30 PM

I would also ring every time, you could save her life as things could escalate quickly from a slap to more.

#12 Tall Poppy

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

I'd ring every single time. Hopefully the scumbag will be charged soon if the police have enough evidence. If nobody calls he will never be charged.

#13 MrsLexiK

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

I don't know what I would do. Are they denying it because it is sexual and not DV? That would be one of my thoughts, but at the back of my mind I would be thinking "what if" but if it was clear it was DV my DH would probably do the bonehead thing and knock on th door himself if he heard someone screaming for help.

#14 yodie86

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:34 PM

Thanks everyone, I will ring again now.

I have never seen her alone to be able to chat and I am reluctant to go up and knock on their door.
I am also a little worried about being identified to them as the one who calls but I guess they have already worked it out if we are the only new ones and the Police have only recently started to be called in.

I didn't know that the police could do that without her asking to press charges.

Off to call police....

#15 kpingitquiet

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:46 PM

Definitely the right choice. Please keep calling. Someone called for me and saved my life.

#16 SylviaPlath

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:22 PM

I'm really glad you are calling. Like another pp said, Every.Single. Time. It could be the difference between life and death.

#17 yodie86

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:23 PM

Just an update - Police came and left, both neighbours are still upstairs. According to them they don't fight.

I am worried that I am starting to look like a nuisance to the local police.

Will call again if/when it happens again though.


#18 allthiseffortpaidoff

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:29 PM

We had this same situation when we lived in units.

We called the police, every single time.
In the end, the police would come around and let us know to keep calling them as she might stand up to him one day.

Please call every single time.  You never know it might be her 'last chance'.  The d***head next door got drunk and came at her with a knife and she was screaming for someone to help.

We called, he was arrested and she *finally* broke the cycle.

#19 *cough*

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:30 PM

Call. Call. Call. Did I say call the police!?

#20 Lolpigs

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:20 AM

QUOTE (Alacritous~Andy @ 27/01/2013, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would call the police. Every. Single. Time.  

But that is me, amd I know not everyone will share that opinion.


Yep same here.

She can deny, so the cops don't press charges but the cops will know, it will be obvious if he is hitting her where it is visable.

IMO better you call and she still be alive, even if she can't see that herself right now.

#21 Lolpigs

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:22 AM

QUOTE (yodie86 @ 28/01/2013, 12:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just an update - Police came and left, both neighbours are still upstairs. According to them they don't fight.

I am worried that I am starting to look like a nuisance to the local police.

Will call again if/when it happens again though.


Nah the cops don't mind at all. They have pretty good bullsh*t detectors and there was a campaign recently via social media to encourage people to keep on calling, regardless if the people your calling about press charges or not.

This was to save the lives of the people involved which is what they want to do.

#22 Lagom

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:34 AM

I kept calling when my neighbours were at it.  They moved not long after and I wonder if it was because he got sick of me calling the police on him.   sad.gif
As someone who has lost a close friend to DV I just can't turn a blind eye.  I might still have a friend if someone called the police.  
Horrible.

#23 HRH Countrymel

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:51 AM

QUOTE (Alacritous~Andy @ 27/01/2013, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would call the police. Every. Single. Time.



QUOTE (yodie86 @ 28/01/2013, 12:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am worried that I am starting to look like a nuisance to the local police.

Will call again if/when it happens again though.


No... the police would MUCH rather be called every week to an address where they 'don't need to do anything' than just the once to clean up after a homicide.

Keep calling and it will keep being noted down in the police records... when she finally seeks help she will be believed.

#24 2plusoops

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:54 AM

QUOTE (doctorseuss @ 27/01/2013, 10:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Record the abuse. Then phone the police.  Also talk to the female alone at a quiet time if you can and offer for her to come to your door when it gets bad and ask her to leave him for her safety.  She could be killed next time . sad.gif



Keep calling the police - and that is all.   Trying to talk to her probably will not help - if she's denied abuse to the police, it is not likely she is going to admit it to a total stranger and will not endear you to her.  In all likelihood she will see it as you interfering.  Asking her to leave him is also pointless at this time for the same reason.  Suggesting she comes to you place for refuge, while admirable, is really not a good idea.  Should he follow her then you will have the violence on your door/near your family.

Until she is ready to do something all you can do is keep calling the police.  Be friendly to her so at least she knows there's a friendly person should she decide to seek help, but do not try and convince her to do so, I dont think at this point she will listen.

#25 Canberra Chick

Posted 28 January 2013 - 08:18 AM

Call. My ex and I had a violent couple live upstairs. He would smack her then throw her out in her undies so we had to take her in, then he'd wreck their flat. EVERY WEEKEND.

At that point in the UK unless she would press charges nothing happened, but the police made it clear they thought she was being an idiot for not pressing charges. This regular reinforcement and the fact that we called every time and supported her finally made her realise she could get out. One weekend when he was doing casual work down in his home town she left. She told us she was leaving, but not the address and last I had heard was doing great with a civilized human being for a partner.




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