Jump to content

WWYD re DV
**Warning abuse mentioned**


  • Please log in to reply
33 replies to this topic

#1 yodie86

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

So I am in two minds about what to do in this situation and was wondering what EB would do?

We have lived in our apartment block for less than 3 months. It is a small unit block of 6 units.
Within the first week we heard our upstairs neighbours fighting, the normal yelling and then I heard the woman yell out 'Stop it you're hurting me' and what sounded like a slap. This happened a few times in a 10 minute period. Of course I was horrified and scared for her safety so we called the police.
They came and spoke to the neighbours and left - he stayed in the apartment as she had said that nothing had happened and she didn't cry out what we said she did.

A week or so after the first time we heard them again, this time louder and longer. It was enough to bring 4 out of the 5 neighbours out onto balconies. One of them said that this was not unusual and they had heard it quite often.

Again I called the police as this time I heard the slap and heard someone hit the floor. Again the police left and said that she had denied that they were fighting.

So tonight again they are at it, My DH is of the opinion that as she has denied twice that they were fighting we should not ring anymore. I am in two minds. I do not want him to get more upset with her because the Police are arriving and hurt her more but I feel bad if I do nothing.

So EB, would you continue to call the police for each fight or leave it ?

Edited by yodie86, 27 January 2013 - 09:23 PM.


#2 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:25 PM

I would call the police. Every. Single. Time.  

But that is me, amd I know not everyone will share that opinion.

#3 Fossy

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

I'd continue to call. If he's willing to slap her around when he knows neighbors are listening and calling the police imagine what he'd do if he thought no one was listening.



#4 SnazzyFeral

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

I would keep calling because in cases of DV the victim doesn't have to press charges any more, now the police can do it without the victims say so where there is sufficient evidence. continued call outs can be used to support the case. This removes the pressure on the victim and possibility mitigates retribution against the victim.

#5 QueenElsa

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

Record the abuse. Then phone the police.  Also talk to the female alone at a quiet time if you can and offer for her to come to your door when it gets bad and ask her to leave him for her safety.  She could be killed next time . sad.gif

#6 WonkieTonkie

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

I would call the police. It might take some more visits but she may eventually ask them for help.

#7 Riotproof

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I think you need to ring.

#8 Purelle

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I would call. Every time. Not only does it give police a pattern of abuse it she oes decide to leave you have given her the tools to get a restraining order. Also, what if he lkills her? Could you live with the guilt. I'm not being horrible just realistic. Also one night she might have enough and report him. Police also do not need her to make a complaint to put an interim restraining order in place to protect her if they believe their is abuse occurring. In the end it's up to you, but please consider calling, for your sake not just hers.

#9 uni22corn

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

Having been in a DV relationship I would say call every time. This may just be the time she gets fed up and decides enough is enough. I also think now the police can intervene without her confirming the DV.

#10 Purelle

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

I wouldn't offer your home as safety, for your own safety this is a bad bad bad idea.

#11 BellaMoja

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:30 PM

I would also ring every time, you could save her life as things could escalate quickly from a slap to more.

#12 Tall Poppy

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

I'd ring every single time. Hopefully the scumbag will be charged soon if the police have enough evidence. If nobody calls he will never be charged.

#13 MrsLexiK

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

I don't know what I would do. Are they denying it because it is sexual and not DV? That would be one of my thoughts, but at the back of my mind I would be thinking "what if" but if it was clear it was DV my DH would probably do the bonehead thing and knock on th door himself if he heard someone screaming for help.

#14 yodie86

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:34 PM

Thanks everyone, I will ring again now.

I have never seen her alone to be able to chat and I am reluctant to go up and knock on their door.
I am also a little worried about being identified to them as the one who calls but I guess they have already worked it out if we are the only new ones and the Police have only recently started to be called in.

I didn't know that the police could do that without her asking to press charges.

Off to call police....

#15 kpingitquiet

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:46 PM

Definitely the right choice. Please keep calling. Someone called for me and saved my life.

#16 SylviaPlath

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:22 PM

I'm really glad you are calling. Like another pp said, Every.Single. Time. It could be the difference between life and death.

#17 yodie86

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:23 PM

Just an update - Police came and left, both neighbours are still upstairs. According to them they don't fight.

I am worried that I am starting to look like a nuisance to the local police.

Will call again if/when it happens again though.


#18 allthiseffortpaidoff

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:29 PM

We had this same situation when we lived in units.

We called the police, every single time.
In the end, the police would come around and let us know to keep calling them as she might stand up to him one day.

Please call every single time.  You never know it might be her 'last chance'.  The d***head next door got drunk and came at her with a knife and she was screaming for someone to help.

We called, he was arrested and she *finally* broke the cycle.

#19 *cough*

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:30 PM

Call. Call. Call. Did I say call the police!?

#20 Lolpigs

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:20 AM

QUOTE (Alacritous~Andy @ 27/01/2013, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would call the police. Every. Single. Time.  

But that is me, amd I know not everyone will share that opinion.


Yep same here.

She can deny, so the cops don't press charges but the cops will know, it will be obvious if he is hitting her where it is visable.

IMO better you call and she still be alive, even if she can't see that herself right now.

#21 Lolpigs

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:22 AM

QUOTE (yodie86 @ 28/01/2013, 12:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just an update - Police came and left, both neighbours are still upstairs. According to them they don't fight.

I am worried that I am starting to look like a nuisance to the local police.

Will call again if/when it happens again though.


Nah the cops don't mind at all. They have pretty good bullsh*t detectors and there was a campaign recently via social media to encourage people to keep on calling, regardless if the people your calling about press charges or not.

This was to save the lives of the people involved which is what they want to do.

#22 Lagom

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:34 AM

I kept calling when my neighbours were at it.  They moved not long after and I wonder if it was because he got sick of me calling the police on him.   sad.gif
As someone who has lost a close friend to DV I just can't turn a blind eye.  I might still have a friend if someone called the police.  
Horrible.

#23 HRH Countrymel

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:51 AM

QUOTE (Alacritous~Andy @ 27/01/2013, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would call the police. Every. Single. Time.



QUOTE (yodie86 @ 28/01/2013, 12:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am worried that I am starting to look like a nuisance to the local police.

Will call again if/when it happens again though.


No... the police would MUCH rather be called every week to an address where they 'don't need to do anything' than just the once to clean up after a homicide.

Keep calling and it will keep being noted down in the police records... when she finally seeks help she will be believed.

#24 2plusoops

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:54 AM

QUOTE (doctorseuss @ 27/01/2013, 10:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Record the abuse. Then phone the police.  Also talk to the female alone at a quiet time if you can and offer for her to come to your door when it gets bad and ask her to leave him for her safety.  She could be killed next time . sad.gif



Keep calling the police - and that is all.   Trying to talk to her probably will not help - if she's denied abuse to the police, it is not likely she is going to admit it to a total stranger and will not endear you to her.  In all likelihood she will see it as you interfering.  Asking her to leave him is also pointless at this time for the same reason.  Suggesting she comes to you place for refuge, while admirable, is really not a good idea.  Should he follow her then you will have the violence on your door/near your family.

Until she is ready to do something all you can do is keep calling the police.  Be friendly to her so at least she knows there's a friendly person should she decide to seek help, but do not try and convince her to do so, I dont think at this point she will listen.

#25 Canberra Chick

Posted 28 January 2013 - 08:18 AM

Call. My ex and I had a violent couple live upstairs. He would smack her then throw her out in her undies so we had to take her in, then he'd wreck their flat. EVERY WEEKEND.

At that point in the UK unless she would press charges nothing happened, but the police made it clear they thought she was being an idiot for not pressing charges. This regular reinforcement and the fact that we called every time and supported her finally made her realise she could get out. One weekend when he was doing casual work down in his home town she left. She told us she was leaving, but not the address and last I had heard was doing great with a civilized human being for a partner.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.