Jump to content

WWYD re DV
**Warning abuse mentioned**


  • Please log in to reply
33 replies to this topic

#1 yodie86

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

So I am in two minds about what to do in this situation and was wondering what EB would do?

We have lived in our apartment block for less than 3 months. It is a small unit block of 6 units.
Within the first week we heard our upstairs neighbours fighting, the normal yelling and then I heard the woman yell out 'Stop it you're hurting me' and what sounded like a slap. This happened a few times in a 10 minute period. Of course I was horrified and scared for her safety so we called the police.
They came and spoke to the neighbours and left - he stayed in the apartment as she had said that nothing had happened and she didn't cry out what we said she did.

A week or so after the first time we heard them again, this time louder and longer. It was enough to bring 4 out of the 5 neighbours out onto balconies. One of them said that this was not unusual and they had heard it quite often.

Again I called the police as this time I heard the slap and heard someone hit the floor. Again the police left and said that she had denied that they were fighting.

So tonight again they are at it, My DH is of the opinion that as she has denied twice that they were fighting we should not ring anymore. I am in two minds. I do not want him to get more upset with her because the Police are arriving and hurt her more but I feel bad if I do nothing.

So EB, would you continue to call the police for each fight or leave it ?

Edited by yodie86, 27 January 2013 - 09:23 PM.


#2 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:25 PM

I would call the police. Every. Single. Time.  

But that is me, amd I know not everyone will share that opinion.

#3 Fossy

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

I'd continue to call. If he's willing to slap her around when he knows neighbors are listening and calling the police imagine what he'd do if he thought no one was listening.



#4 SnazzyFeral

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

I would keep calling because in cases of DV the victim doesn't have to press charges any more, now the police can do it without the victims say so where there is sufficient evidence. continued call outs can be used to support the case. This removes the pressure on the victim and possibility mitigates retribution against the victim.

#5 QueenElsa

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

Record the abuse. Then phone the police.  Also talk to the female alone at a quiet time if you can and offer for her to come to your door when it gets bad and ask her to leave him for her safety.  She could be killed next time . sad.gif

#6 WonkieTonkie

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

I would call the police. It might take some more visits but she may eventually ask them for help.

#7 Riotproof

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I think you need to ring.

#8 Purelle

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I would call. Every time. Not only does it give police a pattern of abuse it she oes decide to leave you have given her the tools to get a restraining order. Also, what if he lkills her? Could you live with the guilt. I'm not being horrible just realistic. Also one night she might have enough and report him. Police also do not need her to make a complaint to put an interim restraining order in place to protect her if they believe their is abuse occurring. In the end it's up to you, but please consider calling, for your sake not just hers.

#9 uni22corn

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

Having been in a DV relationship I would say call every time. This may just be the time she gets fed up and decides enough is enough. I also think now the police can intervene without her confirming the DV.

#10 Purelle

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

I wouldn't offer your home as safety, for your own safety this is a bad bad bad idea.

#11 BellaMoja

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:30 PM

I would also ring every time, you could save her life as things could escalate quickly from a slap to more.

#12 Tall Poppy

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

I'd ring every single time. Hopefully the scumbag will be charged soon if the police have enough evidence. If nobody calls he will never be charged.

#13 MrsLexiK

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:32 PM

I don't know what I would do. Are they denying it because it is sexual and not DV? That would be one of my thoughts, but at the back of my mind I would be thinking "what if" but if it was clear it was DV my DH would probably do the bonehead thing and knock on th door himself if he heard someone screaming for help.

#14 yodie86

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:34 PM

Thanks everyone, I will ring again now.

I have never seen her alone to be able to chat and I am reluctant to go up and knock on their door.
I am also a little worried about being identified to them as the one who calls but I guess they have already worked it out if we are the only new ones and the Police have only recently started to be called in.

I didn't know that the police could do that without her asking to press charges.

Off to call police....

#15 kpingitquiet

Posted 27 January 2013 - 09:46 PM

Definitely the right choice. Please keep calling. Someone called for me and saved my life.

#16 SylviaPlath

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:22 PM

I'm really glad you are calling. Like another pp said, Every.Single. Time. It could be the difference between life and death.

#17 yodie86

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:23 PM

Just an update - Police came and left, both neighbours are still upstairs. According to them they don't fight.

I am worried that I am starting to look like a nuisance to the local police.

Will call again if/when it happens again though.


#18 allthiseffortpaidoff

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:29 PM

We had this same situation when we lived in units.

We called the police, every single time.
In the end, the police would come around and let us know to keep calling them as she might stand up to him one day.

Please call every single time.  You never know it might be her 'last chance'.  The d***head next door got drunk and came at her with a knife and she was screaming for someone to help.

We called, he was arrested and she *finally* broke the cycle.

#19 *cough*

Posted 27 January 2013 - 11:30 PM

Call. Call. Call. Did I say call the police!?

#20 Lolpigs

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:20 AM

QUOTE (Alacritous~Andy @ 27/01/2013, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would call the police. Every. Single. Time.  

But that is me, amd I know not everyone will share that opinion.


Yep same here.

She can deny, so the cops don't press charges but the cops will know, it will be obvious if he is hitting her where it is visable.

IMO better you call and she still be alive, even if she can't see that herself right now.

#21 Lolpigs

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:22 AM

QUOTE (yodie86 @ 28/01/2013, 12:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just an update - Police came and left, both neighbours are still upstairs. According to them they don't fight.

I am worried that I am starting to look like a nuisance to the local police.

Will call again if/when it happens again though.


Nah the cops don't mind at all. They have pretty good bullsh*t detectors and there was a campaign recently via social media to encourage people to keep on calling, regardless if the people your calling about press charges or not.

This was to save the lives of the people involved which is what they want to do.

#22 Lagom

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:34 AM

I kept calling when my neighbours were at it.  They moved not long after and I wonder if it was because he got sick of me calling the police on him.   sad.gif
As someone who has lost a close friend to DV I just can't turn a blind eye.  I might still have a friend if someone called the police.  
Horrible.

#23 HRH Countrymel

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:51 AM

QUOTE (Alacritous~Andy @ 27/01/2013, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would call the police. Every. Single. Time.



QUOTE (yodie86 @ 28/01/2013, 12:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am worried that I am starting to look like a nuisance to the local police.

Will call again if/when it happens again though.


No... the police would MUCH rather be called every week to an address where they 'don't need to do anything' than just the once to clean up after a homicide.

Keep calling and it will keep being noted down in the police records... when she finally seeks help she will be believed.

#24 2plusoops

Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:54 AM

QUOTE (doctorseuss @ 27/01/2013, 10:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Record the abuse. Then phone the police.  Also talk to the female alone at a quiet time if you can and offer for her to come to your door when it gets bad and ask her to leave him for her safety.  She could be killed next time . sad.gif



Keep calling the police - and that is all.   Trying to talk to her probably will not help - if she's denied abuse to the police, it is not likely she is going to admit it to a total stranger and will not endear you to her.  In all likelihood she will see it as you interfering.  Asking her to leave him is also pointless at this time for the same reason.  Suggesting she comes to you place for refuge, while admirable, is really not a good idea.  Should he follow her then you will have the violence on your door/near your family.

Until she is ready to do something all you can do is keep calling the police.  Be friendly to her so at least she knows there's a friendly person should she decide to seek help, but do not try and convince her to do so, I dont think at this point she will listen.

#25 Canberra Chick

Posted 28 January 2013 - 08:18 AM

Call. My ex and I had a violent couple live upstairs. He would smack her then throw her out in her undies so we had to take her in, then he'd wreck their flat. EVERY WEEKEND.

At that point in the UK unless she would press charges nothing happened, but the police made it clear they thought she was being an idiot for not pressing charges. This regular reinforcement and the fact that we called every time and supported her finally made her realise she could get out. One weekend when he was doing casual work down in his home town she left. She told us she was leaving, but not the address and last I had heard was doing great with a civilized human being for a partner.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wondersuit heaven: Bonds & Disney launch exclusive collection

Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.

Perth hospital mistakes cancerous tumour for "behavioural issues"

When Naomi Holly, a mother of three, noticed her eight-month-old daughter Nora, was having difficulty crawling and standing up as normal, she knew there was something wrong.

Piano playing dad soothes son to sleep in moments

There's nothing more frustrating, or distressing to a parent than a sick child who can't  - or won't got to sleep. 

Lucky escape for mum and bub after snake found in couch

Perth mother Laurie Rushton Dyble was sitting on a recliner chair in her home holding her six-month-old son when her husband suddenly told her to get up and leave the room.

When your partner misses the birth

While no one wants their partner to miss their baby’s birth, it can happen. Here’s what to do if you find yourself in that situation.

Motherhood challenge: smug or just a bit of fun?

The #motherhoodchallenge sounds harmless, doesn't it? Some women disagree.

Who's the mum? Family photo goes viral

Last year, it was "The Dress". This year, it is a family photo that is breaking the internet.

5 easy meditation practices for beginners

So who's with me? You know meditating is one of the best things you can possibly do for yourself.

Woman to go on trial for being a bad housewife

An Italian woman could face up to six years in jail after her husband accused her of not doing enough cooking and cleaning at home.

Is the latest advice on women and drinking over the top?

While most expectant mums know to stop drinking when they’re pregnant, experts now warn women should stop drinking earlier than that. Is this necessary?

How household chores can double as a workout

If there's less than a slim chance you'll find time to get out for a jog or to hit the gym today, take heart in knowing that household chores contribute to the calorie equation.

I have no idea what I'm doing - and that's okay

Why don't we talk about the fact that when everything goes right, we may still feel completely lost, and certain that we have failed?

Dad warns of hair tourniquet danger after baby almost loses toe

A shocked father has shared his family's experience in a bid to warn other parents about the dangers of hair becoming entangled around a baby's toe.

Town welcomes first baby in 28 years

Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.

How to start teaching your kids road safety

It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.

Just announced: Bugaboo Cameleon³ Classic+ Collection update

Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.

The emotional moment a mum hears her late son's heartbeat

It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.

Nine reasons why you have 'brain fog'

One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.

I had a caesarean and it was beautiful

Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Penny Wong

'The most hurtful argument in the marriage equality debate'

Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.

Does exercise have to be fun to work?

Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?

Hair dye gives woman second-degree burns

She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.

Kelly Slater saves mum and toddler from 'freak wave'

A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.

Apple recalls millions of power adapters

Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.

Toddler's adorable alphabet goes viral

It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement  about the alphabet.

Tot's nighttime waking saves family's life

Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night. 

Australian mum gives birth to quintuplets

An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.

Dad of four girls faints at gender reveal for fifth baby

It was all too much excitement for this dad.

The simple way you can help your baby's language development

The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.

Zika virus is 'spreading explosively': WHO

The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.

National database recommended for child protection cases

Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.

Hospitals put babies at risk by ignoring policy on elective caesareans

Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.

Police help deliver baby on busy roadside

Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.

1D's Louis Tomlinson shares first photo of baby

One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Melbourne!

Get your ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.