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Siblings and playdates

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#1 Laveaender

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:13 PM

So, I'm the mother of a singleton which means most of DD's friends have brothers and/or sisters. Often I'll invite one of her friends over or out to an activity and the parents of the friend will either send along one (or two or three) siblings or like today, say, "I'm sure you won't mind taking her brother along too" when we called a friend to go to the cinema. And yes, I do mind. I don't feel like having both, he's not DD's mate, the sister is, and although they're all friends of our family, sometimes I just don't want your extras.
Maybe I'm missing something or just not understanding because we have one, but is the onus on me to accept siblings or can I just say "Ah, no thanks just the one" in polite terms?

#2 Fancy*that

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:16 PM

I have never sent an extra sibling on a play date! I would also be horrified to have an extra sibling turn up here without pre organising.

Edited by CheekyCat, 21 July 2013 - 11:35 AM.

#3 KnightsofNi

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:16 PM

It is very rude of them to ask or assume you will take care of their sibling to. It would be different if the parent was staying to supervise.

#4 Peninsula Girl 74

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:19 PM

Yes, igree with you... Extra siblings a a big no no when heading out on a trip to the movies.

#5 LookMumNoHands

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:20 PM

How odd! I'd never send both kids to a play date intended for just the one child.

I think you have every right to politely say no  original.gif .

#6 Escapin

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:21 PM

Your friends are taking the p*ss. Time to put your foot down and/or get new friends.

#7 bebe12

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:22 PM


up till recently only had DD and have never had that situation.  We have once looked after a friend of DD's and her brother, but that was on a pupil free day that was organised well in advance and mother asked and paid for kids movie tickets.

Very rude if you ring and they push other sibling on you.

#8 tibs

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:30 PM

They are taking advantage because you only have the one.  I have 3 of my own and that has never happened to me, logistics alone it would be too hard.  Actually I tell a lie, I did have someone dump a sibling at my son's $30 per head playcentre party and she threw a wobbly right there in front of all the other parents when I woudn't go along with it  glare.gif

#9 Julie3Girls

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:50 PM

You have rude friends. I have 3 girls and would never dream of dropping off extras

#10 Laveaender

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:53 PM

Time to put your foot down and/or get new friends.

Yeah, true dat. Both changes underway disguised as new years resolutions.

#11 Julie3Girls

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:54 PM

Double post

Edited by Julie3Girls, 27 January 2013 - 05:54 PM.

#12 tibs

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:55 PM

QUOTE (Julie3Girls @ 27/01/2013, 06:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You have rude friends. I have 3 girls and would never dream of dropping off extras

Actually I dream of it and in my dreams it is great but I wouldn't actually do it  biggrin.gif

#13 cb2

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:56 PM

I agree with all of the above
Your DD invites her friend(s) not her friends and siblings!!
It is rude to assume
It seems like you are a free babysitter!

#14 EsmeLennox

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

I have never had that experience. Just say no I reckon.

#15 CallMeFeral

Posted 27 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

You have rude friends.

#16 Carmie

Posted 27 January 2013 - 06:15 PM

I have four and never send my other kids to a play date. I do take them all if we are going for a play date/mummy catch up.

I have had one of Kieleys friends been dropped off at a birthday party and her younger sibling was left too. I wasn't impressed, but I added an extra person to the party but I won't be inviting the little girl again to another party (wouldn't care so much if it was an at home party, which is sad as she is a good friend of both DD and DS1.

#17 JustBeige

Posted 27 January 2013 - 06:23 PM

No, thats rude and you are being taken advantage of.

Time to say no, or to just organise play dates at a park so the other parent has to stay too.

#18 Beancat

Posted 27 January 2013 - 06:30 PM

No its rude.  You friends are rude and taking advantag of you.  The problem is, when you say no, you'll be treated as the rude one.  i hate situatios like this - ie when other people's actions make you have to stand up for yourself and more often than not they they then get their nose out of joint.

I dont have any suggestions on how to tactfully tell them to back off but maybe something around not having enough car seats to transport them all safelym or just say you find it hard watching more than 2 kids as you are only used to 1

#19 Wahwah

Posted 27 January 2013 - 06:31 PM

I know one person who thinks that a play date means both her kids. My son doesn't like the little brother and he's a bit of a brat too. We always feel pressured to take both kids.

More recently, I've just been much more pointed about only inviting the older kid. We started by saying that because my son was having 2 friends for a playdate we couldn't take the younger sibling in the car as well after school.

The mum makes snide comments about how little bro is feeling put out but I ignore it and change the subject.

#20 Phoenix Blue

Posted 27 January 2013 - 06:37 PM

Wow, people will take both kids? I've been doing it wrong. I must drop off both my boys next time DS1 gets invited for a play date!

Seriously, who does that?

I actually hoped this thread would be about how to best handle inviting others over for play date, and the annoying little brother has to be involved/wreck everything. This is my main dilemma. Hoping it will be resolved this year when DS2 starts school and I can schedule play dates at the same time, or something...

#21 Peppery

Posted 27 January 2013 - 06:41 PM

Yikes! DD is only 4 so looks like I have lots to look forward to.

Play date = friend, no brothers/sisters/cousins/neighbours best friends granddaughter as well

#22 pippityroo

Posted 27 January 2013 - 06:41 PM

DD1 has a friend who lives a few doors up. She goes over to play a fair bit. Sometimes DS (almost 4) will want to go too, and I'll let him follow her up there. But I do always text & check its ok with her mum first.

#23 JKTMum

Posted 27 January 2013 - 06:49 PM

I never send more than has been invited. Sometimes we will invite siblings and sometimes my kids all get invited over to a family when one is more the friend, but the host is happy to have extras.

The other day both my girls were invited over to a friend of DD1's for a swim, DD2 on that ocassion didnt go only because she'd already been invited over to another of her friends (who also had a pool), but she knows the family and the younger siblings are also close. Another friend of DD2 has a younger sibling who really enjoys playing with the older girls. The next time we have the friend over we are intending to invite the younger girl too. It wont happen every time as the older ones like just being able to play by themselves, but I'm happy to have her over sometimes and the younger one gets excited that she is being included.

I dont think parents should expect their kids to all go because one has been invited, they need to understand that they wont always be included in a playdate, same as they wont be allowed to go to a birthday just because their sibling has been invited.

#24 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 27 January 2013 - 08:26 PM

Seriously? that's just rude, if only one is invited then only one is sent.

#25 lovedupmumma

Posted 27 January 2013 - 08:34 PM

I have four and never send my other kids to a play date. I do take them all if we are going for a play date/mummy catch up.

This is the only circumstance under which I would bring more than just the play date child, if I'm friends with the mum and am staying.

DS 1 & 2 do have friends who are brothers, each the same age and in the same class as my boys, and will be invited together for a play at their place occasionally. But this is at the instigation of their mum, I would never presume to dump them both on her, she already has 3 kids of her own!

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