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Are you a 'loner'?

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#1 erindiv

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:50 PM

It occurred to me a while ago as I was chatting to DBF that I don't really have many, well, any, friends.

We were joking about getting married and who we would invite. He has lots of friends. I have my family. I sat there in silence as I tried to think of just one person not related to me, that I would invite. I couldn't think of any.

I had a few friends at school but not the sort I would hang out with every day. I haven't seen any of them for years, since when I was 16 we moved over an hour away and that was that. I didn't make any new friends after we moved because I didn't attend school (home school). I made acquaintances through work, but never anyone I would consider close enough to invite to my wedding.

I've since moved again and now live even further away from my old town, and all the friends I have here are friends or relatives of DBF.

But, the thing is, it doesn't bother me. I've never 'needed' friends. I have my significant other, I have my children, and at times I have had my pets. I don't have any desire to meet people. I enjoy socialising with DBF's friends and family but have no wish to make any 'new' friends.

Am I weird? Are there other 'loners' out there? I'm happy with it but it surprised me that I couldn't think of one person. I have told DBF that if we ever do get married it will be a lopsided guest list with about 20-30 people on my side and probably 50-70 on his!

#2 sa5ha

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:57 PM

I'm just like you. Always been a bit shy and happy to do my own thing.

My fiance has a much larger family and friend group than I do, so our upcoming wedding is going to be a bit lopsided for guests, but who cares!

I have around 5 close friends (2 girls, 3 guys) that I talk to and socialise with regularly and that's about it.

#3 BadCat

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:59 PM

You're not weird.

#4 Soontobegran

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:02 PM

I am not a loner but I do enjoy lone time. I function better when surrounded by people and as long as I can get privacy when I need it I am happy.

I think we are all different and if you are happy with the way things are then that is good, it would only be if you were not content that maybe you could think of changing behaviours.

#5 belinda1976

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:07 PM

Your not weird at all, if you're happy/content in life that's the main thing.

#6 Peppery

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:13 PM

I definitely don't find that weird. I am much the same, I just enjoy my own company.

#7 erindiv

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:14 PM

People always just seem so shocked when I say I don't have friends, same response every time "Why not?"

#8 FiveAus

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:15 PM

I don't have many friends, and those I do have don't live near me. My best friend lives interstate and we talk on the phone a fair bit and arrange to meet for weekends away every now ad then, but overall, I'm pretty much alone. Just husband and me, and our dogs and cats.
I'm happy as can be with that arrangement.

I have just booked a weekend away for myself and two dogs, I will be exhibiting them a dog shows, and I will spend the whole weekend by myself and I'm so looking forward to it.

#9 Summer love

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:16 PM

I have friends, but not close friends.
None that I would call up just for a chat, but certainly a few that I would organise a night out to dinner, or a weekend away with.
I don't have much family either.

DP has lots of family, but they live far away. He has lots of friends.
Yesterday for example, we went for a BBQ with his friends, he stayed on with his friends and went to the pub. I went home with DS and we had a lovely afternoon in the pool, and listening to "Australian" songs. I had a great day and wouldn't want it any other way.  

Most of my "close" friends that I have had through the years turn out the be backstabbing, two-faced, gossping so and so's.  So I like to keep people at a distance.

#10 Propaganda

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:19 PM

I have friends, and enjoy having them, but I am also the type who prefers to do many things on my own (movies, shopping, other things most would want a friend to tag along to) and also don't really feel the need to put very regular effort into my friendships to maintain them. By that, I mean I am quite content with not talking to someone for 2 or more weeks, and still consider them a close friend. I don't need to make contact with them on a regular basis.

#11 stephanu

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:30 PM

I think if you are happy, then don't worry about it. It only matters if you feel without.

I moved here about 6 years ago to be with my husband. Its a few hours from where I used to live in Sydney. I have lots of friends back in Sydney and none up here. I wish I could make friends but I seem to have lost the ability and have no time anyway.

I do enjoy being away from the drama that is associated with having a big group of friends, but I miss having people to call on to spend some time with. It would be nice to have an excuse to get out of the house sometimes. Tounge1.gif

I am lucky to have a big, amazing family who we travel to see very regularly, and my husbands family who are also awesome and live just around the corner.

#12 cinnabubble

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:31 PM

I can go for months at a time without socialising. I like it better that way.

#13 cassoweary

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:32 PM

I don't think it's weird, but thats probably because I’m also much the same, I was the first from my school grade to have a baby, and after that, i began to lose touch with everyone. Interests/priorities changed and i found myself no longer being asked to the gatherings, shopping expeditions etc etc..

I now have a couple of friends from DD1's mothers group, but no Besties... I spend all my time with the kids, my husband and my mum, if I didn't have mum then I probably would be forced to make a new bestie!

I do think that i could try harder to create and maintain friendships, but i'm quite shy and get rather anxious in social situations so tend to just stick to what i know!

#14 Sassy Dingo

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

I'm an introvert and I don't have many good friends.

For my baby shower I had 4 ladies and 2 men. I have 'work friends' who I have lunch with at work, but we don't catch up outside of work so don't really count them.

My DH is my best friend. He is also the only person I can be 'alone' with while he is in the same room - if that makes sense. The only person I dont' have to be 'on' with.

Basically, I'm happy with what I've got. A number of friends is just a number, as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

#15 PurpleWitch

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:41 PM

I'm becoming one. It's safer than hanging around a*s*holes.

#16 LittleRB

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:44 PM

Nope - you're not alone in being a loner!

I'm actually quite the extrovert and very social in normal situations. I used to have heaps of friends but as I've gotten older, particularly after marrying DH and having DS, I can't be bothered seeing anyone or going out anywhere. I'd much rather prefer to spend the time with my family (mum, sis/BIL/niece and IL's included). In the rare opportunities where I have free time, I like to do my own thing.

I stopped talking to most of my good female friends after high school, with the exception of 1. She moved to Canberra a few years ago. We still keep in contact but live in different states. Same as my other girlfriend - family friend I've known since I was little - moved to Brisbane about 8 years ago. We ring each other every so often but again live in different states.

The other close friends I had (whom I will admit I miss - highschool girlfriends) fell by the wayside. I married DH when I was 21 which & I understand most 21 year olds aren't interested in having a married friend who can't go out, get drunk and pick up or who would rather spend most of her time with her husband.

#17 marnie27

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:55 PM

I think as long as you are happy then that's all that matters.

My sister can count her friends on one hand and that suits her.  I'm the complete opposite - it is very very rare for me to be by myself.  Poor DP is quite introverted by nature but she's got used to having a stack of people around over the last 10 years.  DD is a bit little to tell, but DS loves having people around - he always asks who is coming to visit/to dinner/with us.

#18 cinnabubble

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:59 PM

Poor DP is quite introverted by nature but she's got used to having a stack of people around over the last 10 years.

That would break my brain.

#19 QueenIanthe

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 27/01/2013, 03:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That would break my brain.

Me too.

I am like stbg-enjoy other people's company but need my own space.

#20 Magnus

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:23 PM

I guess I'd be a loner by most people's standards.

I'm quite content with DP and spending time with my family. I adore spending time with friends and workmates, but only people who I really click with. I tend to be quite discerning.

It has caused a bit of conflict between DP and I in the past as DP is a bit more extroverted, but now she's OK if I don't go to events if I know I won't enjoy them. We often have houseguests from interstate and I almost always say yes to that, but she also doesn't invite people over for dinner if she knows I won't like them. So there's a bit of give and take there.

I think it's considered more normal to be an extrovert. I remember once being very frustrated because I saw the uni counsellor about another, unrelated totally legitimate problem and one of the first questions she asked was about whether I had a lot of friends and then started suggesting clubs I could join.

I tend to go a bit easier on myself now and realise (I moved interstate a year ago) that I will meet people and some of them I will like and some I won't and some may become friends and it's all OK. I think sometimes there's a lot of pressure to just befriend anyone so you can appear to have a social life.

#21 bebe99

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:23 PM

I have 2 close friends, my husband has many many more. We're both happy. I find it so important to have time alone, I really need that time to just recharge.
Just on the imbalanced wedding sides, if that was bothering you, I saw a pic recently that had a chalkboard at the ceremony and written on it was: "As two families become one, we ask that you choose a seat, not a side". A bit corny, but I think a nice way to put it, and make sure you don't end up with one side overflowing, and the other with a handful of guests.

#22 erindiv

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:27 PM

QUOTE (bebe99 @ 27/01/2013, 04:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have 2 close friends, my husband has many many more. We're both happy. I find it so important to have time alone, I really need that time to just recharge.
Just on the imbalanced wedding sides, if that was bothering you, I saw a pic recently that had a chalkboard at the ceremony and written on it was: "As two families become one, we ask that you choose a seat, not a side". A bit corny, but I think a nice way to put it, and make sure you don't end up with one side overflowing, and the other with a handful of guests.

That's lovely.

Won't be a problem for a very long time anyway, we've only been seeing each other for just over a year. Maybe I'll make some friends in the next few years and change my mind Tounge1.gif

#23 unicorn

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:30 PM

Both DH and I are loners, at our wedding we had his three friends and their partners, my two friends and their families and our parents and siblings. We are happy and certainly don't stress about the lack of friends.
We crave our quite time and spending too much time with people makes us grumpy lol

#24 Bart.

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:55 PM

I'm an extrovert, but this is me, too:

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 27/01/2013, 03:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can go for months at a time without socialising. I like it better that way.

However, without the internet I'd be very lonely.

#25 Beanbag Warrior

Posted 27 January 2013 - 04:42 PM

DH has no friends in Mackay.  He sees & serves people at work, that fulfils his social quota for the week.  When he comes home he retreats into grateful hermitude.

I'm slightly more social, but not by much.  I'm far better at 1-3 people gatherings than I am at a "do".  I've got my choir peeps and my one Proper teacher friend, and that'll do me.

Seeing 125+ children a day, 3 days a week means I don't have much in the way of giving myself left!

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