Jump to content

Are you a 'loner'?


  • Please log in to reply
67 replies to this topic

#1 erindiv

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:50 PM

It occurred to me a while ago as I was chatting to DBF that I don't really have many, well, any, friends.

We were joking about getting married and who we would invite. He has lots of friends. I have my family. I sat there in silence as I tried to think of just one person not related to me, that I would invite. I couldn't think of any.

I had a few friends at school but not the sort I would hang out with every day. I haven't seen any of them for years, since when I was 16 we moved over an hour away and that was that. I didn't make any new friends after we moved because I didn't attend school (home school). I made acquaintances through work, but never anyone I would consider close enough to invite to my wedding.

I've since moved again and now live even further away from my old town, and all the friends I have here are friends or relatives of DBF.

But, the thing is, it doesn't bother me. I've never 'needed' friends. I have my significant other, I have my children, and at times I have had my pets. I don't have any desire to meet people. I enjoy socialising with DBF's friends and family but have no wish to make any 'new' friends.

Am I weird? Are there other 'loners' out there? I'm happy with it but it surprised me that I couldn't think of one person. I have told DBF that if we ever do get married it will be a lopsided guest list with about 20-30 people on my side and probably 50-70 on his!

#2 sa5ha

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:57 PM

I'm just like you. Always been a bit shy and happy to do my own thing.

My fiance has a much larger family and friend group than I do, so our upcoming wedding is going to be a bit lopsided for guests, but who cares!

I have around 5 close friends (2 girls, 3 guys) that I talk to and socialise with regularly and that's about it.

#3 BadCat

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:59 PM

You're not weird.

#4 Soontobegran

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:02 PM

I am not a loner but I do enjoy lone time. I function better when surrounded by people and as long as I can get privacy when I need it I am happy.

I think we are all different and if you are happy with the way things are then that is good, it would only be if you were not content that maybe you could think of changing behaviours.

#5 belinda1976

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:07 PM

Your not weird at all, if you're happy/content in life that's the main thing.

#6 Peppery

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:13 PM

I definitely don't find that weird. I am much the same, I just enjoy my own company.

#7 erindiv

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:14 PM

People always just seem so shocked when I say I don't have friends, same response every time "Why not?"


#8 FiveAus

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:15 PM

I don't have many friends, and those I do have don't live near me. My best friend lives interstate and we talk on the phone a fair bit and arrange to meet for weekends away every now ad then, but overall, I'm pretty much alone. Just husband and me, and our dogs and cats.
I'm happy as can be with that arrangement.

I have just booked a weekend away for myself and two dogs, I will be exhibiting them a dog shows, and I will spend the whole weekend by myself and I'm so looking forward to it.

#9 Summer love

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:16 PM

I have friends, but not close friends.
None that I would call up just for a chat, but certainly a few that I would organise a night out to dinner, or a weekend away with.
I don't have much family either.

DP has lots of family, but they live far away. He has lots of friends.
Yesterday for example, we went for a BBQ with his friends, he stayed on with his friends and went to the pub. I went home with DS and we had a lovely afternoon in the pool, and listening to "Australian" songs. I had a great day and wouldn't want it any other way.  

Most of my "close" friends that I have had through the years turn out the be backstabbing, two-faced, gossping so and so's.  So I like to keep people at a distance.

#10 Propaganda

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:19 PM

I have friends, and enjoy having them, but I am also the type who prefers to do many things on my own (movies, shopping, other things most would want a friend to tag along to) and also don't really feel the need to put very regular effort into my friendships to maintain them. By that, I mean I am quite content with not talking to someone for 2 or more weeks, and still consider them a close friend. I don't need to make contact with them on a regular basis.

#11 stephanu

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:30 PM

I think if you are happy, then don't worry about it. It only matters if you feel without.

I moved here about 6 years ago to be with my husband. Its a few hours from where I used to live in Sydney. I have lots of friends back in Sydney and none up here. I wish I could make friends but I seem to have lost the ability and have no time anyway.

I do enjoy being away from the drama that is associated with having a big group of friends, but I miss having people to call on to spend some time with. It would be nice to have an excuse to get out of the house sometimes. Tounge1.gif

I am lucky to have a big, amazing family who we travel to see very regularly, and my husbands family who are also awesome and live just around the corner.

#12 cinnabubble

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:31 PM

I can go for months at a time without socialising. I like it better that way.

#13 cassoweary

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:32 PM

I don't think it's weird, but thats probably because I’m also much the same, I was the first from my school grade to have a baby, and after that, i began to lose touch with everyone. Interests/priorities changed and i found myself no longer being asked to the gatherings, shopping expeditions etc etc..

I now have a couple of friends from DD1's mothers group, but no Besties... I spend all my time with the kids, my husband and my mum, if I didn't have mum then I probably would be forced to make a new bestie!

I do think that i could try harder to create and maintain friendships, but i'm quite shy and get rather anxious in social situations so tend to just stick to what i know!

#14 Sassy Dingo

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

I'm an introvert and I don't have many good friends.

For my baby shower I had 4 ladies and 2 men. I have 'work friends' who I have lunch with at work, but we don't catch up outside of work so don't really count them.

My DH is my best friend. He is also the only person I can be 'alone' with while he is in the same room - if that makes sense. The only person I dont' have to be 'on' with.

Basically, I'm happy with what I've got. A number of friends is just a number, as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

#15 PurpleWitch

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:41 PM

I'm becoming one. It's safer than hanging around a*s*holes.

#16 LittleRB

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:44 PM

Nope - you're not alone in being a loner!

I'm actually quite the extrovert and very social in normal situations. I used to have heaps of friends but as I've gotten older, particularly after marrying DH and having DS, I can't be bothered seeing anyone or going out anywhere. I'd much rather prefer to spend the time with my family (mum, sis/BIL/niece and IL's included). In the rare opportunities where I have free time, I like to do my own thing.

I stopped talking to most of my good female friends after high school, with the exception of 1. She moved to Canberra a few years ago. We still keep in contact but live in different states. Same as my other girlfriend - family friend I've known since I was little - moved to Brisbane about 8 years ago. We ring each other every so often but again live in different states.

The other close friends I had (whom I will admit I miss - highschool girlfriends) fell by the wayside. I married DH when I was 21 which & I understand most 21 year olds aren't interested in having a married friend who can't go out, get drunk and pick up or who would rather spend most of her time with her husband.

#17 marnie27

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:55 PM

I think as long as you are happy then that's all that matters.

My sister can count her friends on one hand and that suits her.  I'm the complete opposite - it is very very rare for me to be by myself.  Poor DP is quite introverted by nature but she's got used to having a stack of people around over the last 10 years.  DD is a bit little to tell, but DS loves having people around - he always asks who is coming to visit/to dinner/with us.



#18 cinnabubble

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:59 PM

QUOTE
Poor DP is quite introverted by nature but she's got used to having a stack of people around over the last 10 years.

That would break my brain.

#19 QueenIanthe

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 27/01/2013, 03:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That would break my brain.


Me too.

I am like stbg-enjoy other people's company but need my own space.

#20 Magnus

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:23 PM

I guess I'd be a loner by most people's standards.

I'm quite content with DP and spending time with my family. I adore spending time with friends and workmates, but only people who I really click with. I tend to be quite discerning.

It has caused a bit of conflict between DP and I in the past as DP is a bit more extroverted, but now she's OK if I don't go to events if I know I won't enjoy them. We often have houseguests from interstate and I almost always say yes to that, but she also doesn't invite people over for dinner if she knows I won't like them. So there's a bit of give and take there.

I think it's considered more normal to be an extrovert. I remember once being very frustrated because I saw the uni counsellor about another, unrelated totally legitimate problem and one of the first questions she asked was about whether I had a lot of friends and then started suggesting clubs I could join.

I tend to go a bit easier on myself now and realise (I moved interstate a year ago) that I will meet people and some of them I will like and some I won't and some may become friends and it's all OK. I think sometimes there's a lot of pressure to just befriend anyone so you can appear to have a social life.

#21 bebe99

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:23 PM

I have 2 close friends, my husband has many many more. We're both happy. I find it so important to have time alone, I really need that time to just recharge.
Just on the imbalanced wedding sides, if that was bothering you, I saw a pic recently that had a chalkboard at the ceremony and written on it was: "As two families become one, we ask that you choose a seat, not a side". A bit corny, but I think a nice way to put it, and make sure you don't end up with one side overflowing, and the other with a handful of guests.

#22 erindiv

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:27 PM

QUOTE (bebe99 @ 27/01/2013, 04:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have 2 close friends, my husband has many many more. We're both happy. I find it so important to have time alone, I really need that time to just recharge.
Just on the imbalanced wedding sides, if that was bothering you, I saw a pic recently that had a chalkboard at the ceremony and written on it was: "As two families become one, we ask that you choose a seat, not a side". A bit corny, but I think a nice way to put it, and make sure you don't end up with one side overflowing, and the other with a handful of guests.



That's lovely.

Won't be a problem for a very long time anyway, we've only been seeing each other for just over a year. Maybe I'll make some friends in the next few years and change my mind Tounge1.gif

#23 unicorn

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:30 PM

Both DH and I are loners, at our wedding we had his three friends and their partners, my two friends and their families and our parents and siblings. We are happy and certainly don't stress about the lack of friends.
We crave our quite time and spending too much time with people makes us grumpy lol

#24 Bart.

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:55 PM

I'm an extrovert, but this is me, too:

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 27/01/2013, 03:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can go for months at a time without socialising. I like it better that way.


However, without the internet I'd be very lonely.

#25 Beanbag Warrior

Posted 27 January 2013 - 04:42 PM

DH has no friends in Mackay.  He sees & serves people at work, that fulfils his social quota for the week.  When he comes home he retreats into grateful hermitude.

I'm slightly more social, but not by much.  I'm far better at 1-3 people gatherings than I am at a "do".  I've got my choir peeps and my one Proper teacher friend, and that'll do me.

Seeing 125+ children a day, 3 days a week means I don't have much in the way of giving myself left!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

Win Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD

To celebrate the release of Love Child Season 2 on DVD from July 9, Essential Baby and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are giving away Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD to 13 lucky winners.

10 things I wish my pre-baby self knew

I look back at my pre-baby self and laugh at how ridiculously easy I actually had it. I remember complaining about how tired I was and how little time I had.

Creative ways to store your child's art

Ideas for storing your child's artworks have moved on from sticking them to the fridge door before guiltily dumping them in the bin.

Child abuse ignored because 'it's not your children': Waleed Aly

Waleed Aly takes apart the immigration law that's designed to "protect politicians"

How a newborn niece changed star Australian basketballer's life

In August 2013 star basketball Abby Bishop was 24-years-old and in the prime of her sporting career.

Guilt is my new shadow

No one warned me that when I gave birth there would be an additional side order of guilt.

12 brilliant Ikea hacks for kids’ rooms

Check out these creative upcycling ideas that transform regular Ikea items into something special for your little ones.

Child's nightmare about 'man with a light' turned out to be real

For three days, a three-year-old boy had been saying there was "a man with a light" outside his window at night.

Toilet truths after giving birth

The thought of going to the toilet after giving birth is often feared, but there are ways to make it less painful.

Woman asks strangers for $1 million to stop her having an abortion

An anonymous woman is taking an extreme moral and ethical stand by seeking $1 million in donations to prevent her going ahead with a planned abortion.

How a woman's dying wish made another woman a mum

"I kind of think about, 'What did I do beforehand? What kept me so busy back then?' Because now I'm really busy."

The parenting do-over: what six parents did differently second time around

In playgrounds across Australia, you can hear parents lamenting, "When we have our next baby I swear I won't be doing THAT again".

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.