Jump to content

Are you a 'loner'?


  • Please log in to reply
67 replies to this topic

#1 erindiv

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:50 PM

It occurred to me a while ago as I was chatting to DBF that I don't really have many, well, any, friends.

We were joking about getting married and who we would invite. He has lots of friends. I have my family. I sat there in silence as I tried to think of just one person not related to me, that I would invite. I couldn't think of any.

I had a few friends at school but not the sort I would hang out with every day. I haven't seen any of them for years, since when I was 16 we moved over an hour away and that was that. I didn't make any new friends after we moved because I didn't attend school (home school). I made acquaintances through work, but never anyone I would consider close enough to invite to my wedding.

I've since moved again and now live even further away from my old town, and all the friends I have here are friends or relatives of DBF.

But, the thing is, it doesn't bother me. I've never 'needed' friends. I have my significant other, I have my children, and at times I have had my pets. I don't have any desire to meet people. I enjoy socialising with DBF's friends and family but have no wish to make any 'new' friends.

Am I weird? Are there other 'loners' out there? I'm happy with it but it surprised me that I couldn't think of one person. I have told DBF that if we ever do get married it will be a lopsided guest list with about 20-30 people on my side and probably 50-70 on his!

#2 sa5ha

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:57 PM

I'm just like you. Always been a bit shy and happy to do my own thing.

My fiance has a much larger family and friend group than I do, so our upcoming wedding is going to be a bit lopsided for guests, but who cares!

I have around 5 close friends (2 girls, 3 guys) that I talk to and socialise with regularly and that's about it.

#3 BadCat

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:59 PM

You're not weird.

#4 Soontobegran

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:02 PM

I am not a loner but I do enjoy lone time. I function better when surrounded by people and as long as I can get privacy when I need it I am happy.

I think we are all different and if you are happy with the way things are then that is good, it would only be if you were not content that maybe you could think of changing behaviours.

#5 belinda1976

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:07 PM

Your not weird at all, if you're happy/content in life that's the main thing.

#6 Peppery

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:13 PM

I definitely don't find that weird. I am much the same, I just enjoy my own company.

#7 erindiv

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:14 PM

People always just seem so shocked when I say I don't have friends, same response every time "Why not?"


#8 FiveAus

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:15 PM

I don't have many friends, and those I do have don't live near me. My best friend lives interstate and we talk on the phone a fair bit and arrange to meet for weekends away every now ad then, but overall, I'm pretty much alone. Just husband and me, and our dogs and cats.
I'm happy as can be with that arrangement.

I have just booked a weekend away for myself and two dogs, I will be exhibiting them a dog shows, and I will spend the whole weekend by myself and I'm so looking forward to it.

#9 Summer love

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:16 PM

I have friends, but not close friends.
None that I would call up just for a chat, but certainly a few that I would organise a night out to dinner, or a weekend away with.
I don't have much family either.

DP has lots of family, but they live far away. He has lots of friends.
Yesterday for example, we went for a BBQ with his friends, he stayed on with his friends and went to the pub. I went home with DS and we had a lovely afternoon in the pool, and listening to "Australian" songs. I had a great day and wouldn't want it any other way.  

Most of my "close" friends that I have had through the years turn out the be backstabbing, two-faced, gossping so and so's.  So I like to keep people at a distance.

#10 Propaganda

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:19 PM

I have friends, and enjoy having them, but I am also the type who prefers to do many things on my own (movies, shopping, other things most would want a friend to tag along to) and also don't really feel the need to put very regular effort into my friendships to maintain them. By that, I mean I am quite content with not talking to someone for 2 or more weeks, and still consider them a close friend. I don't need to make contact with them on a regular basis.

#11 stephanu

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:30 PM

I think if you are happy, then don't worry about it. It only matters if you feel without.

I moved here about 6 years ago to be with my husband. Its a few hours from where I used to live in Sydney. I have lots of friends back in Sydney and none up here. I wish I could make friends but I seem to have lost the ability and have no time anyway.

I do enjoy being away from the drama that is associated with having a big group of friends, but I miss having people to call on to spend some time with. It would be nice to have an excuse to get out of the house sometimes. Tounge1.gif

I am lucky to have a big, amazing family who we travel to see very regularly, and my husbands family who are also awesome and live just around the corner.

#12 cinnabubble

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:31 PM

I can go for months at a time without socialising. I like it better that way.

#13 cassoweary

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:32 PM

I don't think it's weird, but thats probably because I’m also much the same, I was the first from my school grade to have a baby, and after that, i began to lose touch with everyone. Interests/priorities changed and i found myself no longer being asked to the gatherings, shopping expeditions etc etc..

I now have a couple of friends from DD1's mothers group, but no Besties... I spend all my time with the kids, my husband and my mum, if I didn't have mum then I probably would be forced to make a new bestie!

I do think that i could try harder to create and maintain friendships, but i'm quite shy and get rather anxious in social situations so tend to just stick to what i know!

#14 Sassy Dingo

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

I'm an introvert and I don't have many good friends.

For my baby shower I had 4 ladies and 2 men. I have 'work friends' who I have lunch with at work, but we don't catch up outside of work so don't really count them.

My DH is my best friend. He is also the only person I can be 'alone' with while he is in the same room - if that makes sense. The only person I dont' have to be 'on' with.

Basically, I'm happy with what I've got. A number of friends is just a number, as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

#15 PurpleWitch

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:41 PM

I'm becoming one. It's safer than hanging around a*s*holes.

#16 LittleRB

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:44 PM

Nope - you're not alone in being a loner!

I'm actually quite the extrovert and very social in normal situations. I used to have heaps of friends but as I've gotten older, particularly after marrying DH and having DS, I can't be bothered seeing anyone or going out anywhere. I'd much rather prefer to spend the time with my family (mum, sis/BIL/niece and IL's included). In the rare opportunities where I have free time, I like to do my own thing.

I stopped talking to most of my good female friends after high school, with the exception of 1. She moved to Canberra a few years ago. We still keep in contact but live in different states. Same as my other girlfriend - family friend I've known since I was little - moved to Brisbane about 8 years ago. We ring each other every so often but again live in different states.

The other close friends I had (whom I will admit I miss - highschool girlfriends) fell by the wayside. I married DH when I was 21 which & I understand most 21 year olds aren't interested in having a married friend who can't go out, get drunk and pick up or who would rather spend most of her time with her husband.

#17 marnie27

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:55 PM

I think as long as you are happy then that's all that matters.

My sister can count her friends on one hand and that suits her.  I'm the complete opposite - it is very very rare for me to be by myself.  Poor DP is quite introverted by nature but she's got used to having a stack of people around over the last 10 years.  DD is a bit little to tell, but DS loves having people around - he always asks who is coming to visit/to dinner/with us.



#18 cinnabubble

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:59 PM

QUOTE
Poor DP is quite introverted by nature but she's got used to having a stack of people around over the last 10 years.

That would break my brain.

#19 Ianthe

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 27/01/2013, 03:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That would break my brain.


Me too.

I am like stbg-enjoy other people's company but need my own space.

#20 Magnus

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:23 PM

I guess I'd be a loner by most people's standards.

I'm quite content with DP and spending time with my family. I adore spending time with friends and workmates, but only people who I really click with. I tend to be quite discerning.

It has caused a bit of conflict between DP and I in the past as DP is a bit more extroverted, but now she's OK if I don't go to events if I know I won't enjoy them. We often have houseguests from interstate and I almost always say yes to that, but she also doesn't invite people over for dinner if she knows I won't like them. So there's a bit of give and take there.

I think it's considered more normal to be an extrovert. I remember once being very frustrated because I saw the uni counsellor about another, unrelated totally legitimate problem and one of the first questions she asked was about whether I had a lot of friends and then started suggesting clubs I could join.

I tend to go a bit easier on myself now and realise (I moved interstate a year ago) that I will meet people and some of them I will like and some I won't and some may become friends and it's all OK. I think sometimes there's a lot of pressure to just befriend anyone so you can appear to have a social life.

#21 bebe99

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:23 PM

I have 2 close friends, my husband has many many more. We're both happy. I find it so important to have time alone, I really need that time to just recharge.
Just on the imbalanced wedding sides, if that was bothering you, I saw a pic recently that had a chalkboard at the ceremony and written on it was: "As two families become one, we ask that you choose a seat, not a side". A bit corny, but I think a nice way to put it, and make sure you don't end up with one side overflowing, and the other with a handful of guests.

#22 erindiv

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:27 PM

QUOTE (bebe99 @ 27/01/2013, 04:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have 2 close friends, my husband has many many more. We're both happy. I find it so important to have time alone, I really need that time to just recharge.
Just on the imbalanced wedding sides, if that was bothering you, I saw a pic recently that had a chalkboard at the ceremony and written on it was: "As two families become one, we ask that you choose a seat, not a side". A bit corny, but I think a nice way to put it, and make sure you don't end up with one side overflowing, and the other with a handful of guests.



That's lovely.

Won't be a problem for a very long time anyway, we've only been seeing each other for just over a year. Maybe I'll make some friends in the next few years and change my mind Tounge1.gif

#23 unicorn

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:30 PM

Both DH and I are loners, at our wedding we had his three friends and their partners, my two friends and their families and our parents and siblings. We are happy and certainly don't stress about the lack of friends.
We crave our quite time and spending too much time with people makes us grumpy lol

#24 Bart.

Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:55 PM

I'm an extrovert, but this is me, too:

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 27/01/2013, 03:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can go for months at a time without socialising. I like it better that way.


However, without the internet I'd be very lonely.

#25 Beanbag Warrior

Posted 27 January 2013 - 04:42 PM

DH has no friends in Mackay.  He sees & serves people at work, that fulfils his social quota for the week.  When he comes home he retreats into grateful hermitude.

I'm slightly more social, but not by much.  I'm far better at 1-3 people gatherings than I am at a "do".  I've got my choir peeps and my one Proper teacher friend, and that'll do me.

Seeing 125+ children a day, 3 days a week means I don't have much in the way of giving myself left!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Five-year-old shoots nine-month-old brother dead

A nine-month-old baby boy died on Monday after he was shot in the head by his five-year-old brother in their grandfather's home.

'Is that baby yours?'

She is my daughter. I gave birth to her. I nurse her. But she doesn't have any of my genes.

Episiotomy in childbirth: not just 'a little snip'

Episiotomies have a place in maternity care – and can occasionally save lives – but should not be performed routinely.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.