Jump to content

"If she's hungry, she can have some salad"


  • Please log in to reply
186 replies to this topic

#1 cardamom

Posted 26 January 2013 - 09:57 PM

My apologies if this has been done already.

I came across this article tonight; it's an excerpt from a book about a mother's quest to manage her daughter's weight issues.

http://www.essentialkids.com.au/younger-ki...0127-2deer.html

I'd be interested to see what others think of her approach.

As someone who has many issues from childhood related to food and body image, and has lost (and re-gained) weight several times, I'm still mulling it over.

#2 désir d'amour

Posted 26 January 2013 - 09:59 PM

I think she's done the right thing by her daughter in terms of helping her lose weight.

I'm not sure about her methods.  It seems like an awful lot of mental pressure on a young child.

It's hard enough on adults.

#3 Charlies Angel

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:00 PM

My initial response was that she was setting her daughter up for a lifetime of eating disorders.

I think similar could have been achieved without being so draconian eg more exercise/ healthy eating for the whole family. She was only seven.  sad.gif

#4 Charlies Angel

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:02 PM

DP

Edited by Charlies Angel, 26 January 2013 - 10:07 PM.


#5 unicorn

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:08 PM

I only read the first couple of paragraphs but way to give the kid issues over her food.  rolleyes.gif
The mother said she had been on enough diets to know what was required, IMO the more diets it takes the less idea one really has. So me thinks she has got weight issues which she is passing on which is sad.

#6 unicorn

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:08 PM

DP

Edited by unicorn, 26 January 2013 - 10:11 PM.


#7 FluffyOscar

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:15 PM

QUOTE
There are some issues that kids are just born with. I didn't make Bea obese. I don't blame sugary drinks, processed foods, trans fats or gargantuan portion sizes. She didn't become overweight because she gorged on junk food or played video games all day. She was simply and indisputably born with the unfortunate tendency to overeat and a congenital preference for foods that are conducive to weight gain.

I think she is in denial.


#8 Cat People

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:15 PM

I honestly have no idea what to think.

One part of me sort of agrees with her - obesity is a medical condition that need management; just like a peanut allergy.

The other part of me is horrified.  And I admit part of it comes from the photos and the fact the article appeared in U.S.A Vogue.  It gave me the impression the mother is concerned with 'appearances' and perhaps a daughter who is obese doesn't match her Chanel handbag.

I passionately oppose diets though, so I think her approach was all wrong.  I have a similar aged child, and if he was obese, I'm quite sure I could implement changes in his diet and lifestyle that he wouldn't be aware of.  The fact this little girl knew she was on a diet to lose weight is concerning.

#9 rosiebird

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:19 PM

I feel very sad after reading that article.

#10 cardamom

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:23 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 26/01/2013, 11:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The other part of me is horrified.  And I admit part of it comes from the photos and the fact the article appeared in U.S.A Vogue.  It gave me the impression the mother is concerned with 'appearances' and perhaps a daughter who is obese doesn't match her Chanel handbag.


I thought this too Madame Protart, particularly where she mentioned asking her daughter "Do you like the way you look now?" I felt like the emphasis was largely on her daughter's looks (but I acknowledge my experiences could be colouring this).

I was overweight as a child, and rather than make leading a healthy lifestyle a family-based activity, my parents' approach (actually, my whole family) was to criticise me for eating too much, point out how large I was, and tell me to get outside for a walk (they bought me a gym membership when I was 10) while still having cupboards full of junk food. Consequently I have a lot of feelings of guilt around food, have very disordered eating patterns and have spent a great deal of time, money and energy trying to remedy this.

I'm not trying to blame my parents or shirk responsibility for my weight, they did what they thought was best, but I wonder if I would have these issues had their attitude been different.

#11 Lissome

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:23 PM

QUOTE (rosiebird @ 26/01/2013, 11:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I feel very sad after reading that article.


So do I.

#12 RealityBites

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:26 PM

I thought the article was awful. Subtle changes could have occurred, rather than the public embarrassment this child was obviously subjected to.

#13 bambiigrrl

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:29 PM

its her own fault if her daughter was overweight at 7 year old. Who buys the groceries? If the whole family is focused on HEALTHY eating then her daughter will feel like shes doing something good for her body, not that she wont be socially acceptable if she doesnt lose weight. So sad..

#14 Emby

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:29 PM

I read this in the paper today, and while I'm not a fan of "going on a diet" as a thing, I try to keep an open mind. For a seven-year-old to weigh 42kg ... well, that's nearly twice what my seven-year-old weighs. It really does sound like a lot. So clearly, whatever they were doing, they needed to change something. And the mother did cop to having her own "food issues" but seemed to think she got them irrespective of what her upbringing had been.

I do think she's "damned if you do, damned if you don't" here. You might say "oh, the mother has food issues, she's screwing up her daughter with them" - but even if that's true, she does have food issues, I doubt if she can magically wave a wand and turn herself into someone who doesn't. She could have gone a different route - just tried to "eat more healthy" - but that would run the risk of not having a big enough effect, and not doing anything about the problem that was already there.

I certainly don't think it's as simple as "oh if you just eat healthier, you won't have a problem". (although eating healthier is always a good thing) I know a lot of folks who eat WAY more healthily than our family, and still have more of an issue with weight.  There's definitely something in genetics as well.

#15 cira

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:31 PM

It made me feels sad too. But also a bit angry at the mother - do you think she has a sound understanding of nutrition? I would rather my hungry child ate a nicoise salad with olive oil and satisfied her hunger with a tasty, protein-rich, healthy-fat meal than snack on a piece of fruit.

#16 Guest_Marquise_*

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:32 PM

QUOTE (Charlies Angel @ 26/01/2013, 11:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My initial response was that she was setting her daughter up for a lifetime of eating disorders.

I think similar could have been achieved without being so draconian eg more exercise/ healthy eating for the whole family. She was only seven.  sad.gif


+1. also, not a word in the whole piece about exercise.

it mad me so sad for her daughter. She's going to transfer her own issues right onto the little girl's shoulders.

Upsetting piece.

#17 cardamom

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:36 PM

QUOTE (Marquise @ 26/01/2013, 11:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
+1. also, not a word in the whole piece about exercise.


This really stood out to me too.

#18 sa5ha

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:37 PM

Seems like the mother is just programming her child to have a really toxic and dysfunctional relationship with food and body image by going about it like that.

#19 Cat People

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:37 PM

Thinking about it some more, I just don't understand why she had to mention the weight loss to her daughter.  How many times do you go to parties?  Even if it's once a week, is it really go to make much difference to her weight if she eats the M&M's and the cake?

And it still doesn't address the cause of her over-eating.  Surely there must be a reason for it in such a young child?  And what happens now?  Go back to normal and regain the weight, or the daughter is on a permanent diet?

I hate to be all judgy because I think the mother obviously cares about her daughter's health and well being, but I just think her approach is all wrong.  Especially by appearing in Vogue and telling the whole world, including photos?!


#20 haras1972

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:38 PM

Here are some more quotes, from the book....

I once reproachfully deprived Bea of her dinner after learning that her observation of French Heritage Day at school involved nearly 800 calories of Brie, filet mignon, baguette, and chocolate. I stopped letting her enjoy Pizza Fridays when she admitted to adding a corn salad as a side dish one week. I dressed down a Starbucks barista when he professed ignorance of the nutrition content of the kids’ hot chocolate whose calories are listed as “120-210″ on the menu board: Well, which is it? When he couldn’t provide an answer, I dramatically grabbed the drink out of my daughter’s hands, poured it into the garbage, and stormed out.

I cringe when I recall the many times I had it out with Bea over a snack given to her by a friend’s parent or caregiver … rather than direct my irritation at the grown-up, I often derided Bea for not refusing the inappropriate snack. And there have been many awkward moments at parties, when Bea has wanted to eat, say, both cookies and cake, and I’ve engaged in a heated public discussion about why she can’t.

It is grating to have someone constantly complain of being hungry, or refuse to eat what she’s supposed to, month after month . . .  and exhausting managing someone’s diet, especially when her brother has completely different nutritional needs.


No mention of exercise, public humiliation, conflicting messages - the whole no dinner because you joined in a school activity, so contradictory....

Edited by haras1972, 26 January 2013 - 10:38 PM.


#21 Coffeegirl

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:39 PM

I read this today in the SMH.  I do wonder what happened after that year of weight lose.  Did the child learn anything?  Did the mother continue with the 'diet'?

While I do understand from the SMH article that this was a family wide 'diet' change.  I do feel for the child who seems not  to have been allowed to be a child at parties.  But bullied into adult choices.  An occassional lapse of cookies AND cake for a child, certainly was not going to set that child up for obesity.  It needed to be a more balanced view of everyday eating and the occassional splurge.

And like PPs have mentioned.  No discussion of exercise at all.  Diet is not everything

I finished this article feeling profoundly sad for the child and a bit angry at the parent for not being 'a better parent' earlier and explaining better choices from a younger age.

#22 lafonda

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:39 PM

I don't know what to think about it. Made me feel sad because I have a 4 yr old that needs to lose a few kgs but I don't want to go about it the way she did.

#23 poss71

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:40 PM

QUOTE (rosiebird @ 26/01/2013, 11:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I feel very sad after reading that article.

Me too.

My mum made changes to our diet when I was a kid of around 7 or 8, changing to wholemeal bread and buying skim milk. That's all I remember, whinging about "brown bread", until I got over it (maybe a month, on and off). Looking back, I imagine she also made changes such as introducing more vegies into our diet, but that went over our heads as kids.

I infinitely prefer that to this method.

I also couldn't tell you if either of us kids were overweight. It wasn't our responsibility, that lay with our parents at that time.

I am pretty happy with myself and my body image is positive. I hope to teach that to my children.

#24 Cat People

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:41 PM

QUOTE (haras1972 @ 26/01/2013, 11:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Here are some more quotes, from the book....

I once reproachfully deprived Bea of her dinner after learning that her observation of French Heritage Day at school involved nearly 800 calories of Brie, filet mignon, baguette, and chocolate. I stopped letting her enjoy Pizza Fridays when she admitted to adding a corn salad as a side dish one week. I dressed down a Starbucks barista when he professed ignorance of the nutrition content of the kids’ hot chocolate whose calories are listed as “120-210″ on the menu board: Well, which is it? When he couldn’t provide an answer, I dramatically grabbed the drink out of my daughter’s hands, poured it into the garbage, and stormed out.

I cringe when I recall the many times I had it out with Bea over a snack given to her by a friend’s parent or caregiver … rather than direct my irritation at the grown-up, I often derided Bea for not refusing the inappropriate snack. And there have been many awkward moments at parties, when Bea has wanted to eat, say, both cookies and cake, and I’ve engaged in a heated public discussion about why she can’t.

It is grating to have someone constantly complain of being hungry, or refuse to eat what she’s supposed to, month after month . . .  and exhausting managing someone’s diet, especially when her brother has completely different nutritional needs.


No mention of exercise, public humiliation, conflicting messages - the whole no dinner because you joined in a school activity, so contradictory....



That is just plain rotten. Poor kid.


#25 kpingitquiet

Posted 26 January 2013 - 10:46 PM

I think she sounds like a vain, controlling woman who has just set her daughter up for a LOT of therapy bills in the future. Where was the exercise? Where was the quiet adjustment of a very young child's available food? Why in god's name should any 7yo know about calories outside of science class?!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

An open letter to Tony Abbott: please salvage our super

We face financial ruin, but most of us don?t realise it. If we don?t act together to salvage our superannuation, I have no doubt the new GFC will be the Girls? Financial Crisis.

'I'm happy to know I'm changing lives': surrogate mum of two

I know that once the baby is born, I will focus on the gift I have given, and watch the parents with their new child. I can't wait for that day.

Birth trauma and the issue of informed consent

There is a perception that women should just be happy they have a healthy baby in their arms. But for women who experienced birth trauma, there's a lot more to it.

Tips for managing pollen allergies and hayfever

They're simple tips, but they can have a big impact on those who suffer from hayfever and pollen allergies.

Ada Nicodemou shares tribute to her stillborn baby

Just over one month since Ada Nicodemou and her husband lost their second son, the Home and Away star has shared a touching poem for her baby.

Mum causes stir breastfeeding on train

?To the woman breastfeeding her kid on the train. Seriously! On the train?" began the letter of complaint.

10 things they don?t tell you about being pregnant

As I slowly waddle my ever-changing pregnant body towards the finishing line of my due date, it?s becoming increasingly clear there are a lot of things they just don?t tell you about pregnancy.

Overcoming a fear of the dark

A toddler's fear of the dark is very normal, but there are ways parents can help children through this stage in their development.

Kids, TV and movies: how young is too young?

It seems you don't have to throw the TV and iPad out the window - it all boils down to moderation, supervision and interaction.

Video: Baby's first birthday is a special day for mum, too

?A baby?s first birthday is also mum?s first birthday.?

The day Supernanny came to tea

Prince William's favourite celebrity child trainer Jo Frost puts Bryony Gordon and her toddler through their paces.

Tales from the homefront

When you're at work you sort of assume that your house is basically just sitting there quietly doing nothing until you return. However, since spending my days at home, I've learned this couldn't be further from the truth.

The words I hated hearing as new mum

It was less than a week after my son was born that I first heard it - from my mother.

To the pharmacist who sold me baby formula

On the rare occasion I catch sight of you at school, or around town, I think back to our earliest exchange. I?m sure you have no recollection of it at all.

Babies may benefit from autism therapy

Children showing signs of autism don't usually receive early intervention until well into toddlerhood or later, but a new study suggests infants with symptoms of the developmental disorder might benefit from therapy from as early as six months.

Knatalye and Adeline born with an everlasting bond

Knatalye Hope and Adeline Faith are a lot like any other identical twin girls, but there is one dramatic difference: they're joined at the chest and shares several internal organs.

The question this dad wishes he'd asked his wife

I should have seen that my wife wasn't the same person I'd fallen in love with, but we were both too focused on simply trying to get by.

Why we should talk about the deaths of the Hunt children

The deaths are too horrible even to think about. Yet we owe it to the children - Fletcher, Mia and Phoebe Hunt - to think long and hard about it all.

Baby dies of meningococcal weeks after vaccine application denied

A six-month-old girl has died from meningococcal disease just weeks after an application for government funding of a vaccine for the most deadly strain of the virus was rejected.

Finding the right balance when playing with your kids

Being too involved in our children?s play and not allowing our kids enough free time for unstructured activities can mean our kids miss out on the value that play offers.

Creative DIY light shades

The Pop Light light shade comes in a flat pack already made - it's up to you to design it as you'd like.

The battle of iParenting versus imagination

Have we forgotten how to be imaginative, resourceful parents?

Why movement is so important for your baby's growth

Letting your child move as much as possible in the early years ? using all senses, engaging in the real world, preferably outside ? will help them grow up healthier, smarter, calmer and stronger.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

Baby survives five days alone

He lay with his mother for up to five days after she died of a suspected drug overdose - and survived.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Reader offer

2 FOR 1 TICKET OFFER

For Shopping, For Advice, For Baby & You. Enjoy a special day out with fabulous shopping from over 200 brands, leading parenting experts offering advice on a range of topics, and amazing children?s entertainment

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.