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Anyone feel 'done' after one?


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48 replies to this topic

#1 wish*upon*a*star

Posted 26 January 2013 - 07:16 AM

I have a gorgeous 1 year old DD and since I became pregnant with her we have felt one would be the perfect number for us. Over the last year this feeling has just firmed up even more and we really feel that we are done with one. We keep getting told we will change our mind and sure, there is a chance this could happen but not likely really.

So I am wondering if anyone felt done after one child- felt that their family was complete and there was no desire to have anymore?







#2 Jekaho

Posted 26 January 2013 - 07:27 AM

Completely and utterly done at one. Not while I was pregnant (then it was still 2 or 3 ), but pretty much straight away after he arrived I knew I only wanted one. (not because of the birth or anything)

I have ZERO desire to have more. Now that he is 4yo people ask less often about us having another one.

#3 sandy_1985

Posted 26 January 2013 - 07:31 AM

DS was born in '09 and I did feel done. That's it...just one.
Lately I've been thinking otherwise.  tongue.gif

#4 wish*upon*a*star

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:03 PM

thanks for the replies original.gif
I completely understand the zero desire for one more and glad others have felt it as no one I speak to gets it!

#5 Calmar

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:14 PM

We both knew straight away we were done after 1. That was 10 years ago.  Never once did I think I wanted more.

#6 Sassenach2

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:15 PM

I think only one child has a lot to deal with. There is nobody else to play with (or fight with) and if Mum and Dad are arguing, there is nobody to be with and feel comforted. When Mum and Dad get old, then this one child has all the worry of looking after the parents and finding nursing homes etc. They really need a sibling to help with the stress.

#7 BetteBoop

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:20 PM

OP, two women in my Mother's Group are having only child by choice. One had a difficult birth and the other said she simply didn't want another.

Actually we had a third who said the same thing, but she's now 7 months pregnant!

QUOTE (Winterdanceparty @ 26/01/2013, 04:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think only one child has a lot to deal with. There is nobody else to play with (or fight with) and if Mum and Dad are arguing, there is nobody to be with and feel comforted. When Mum and Dad get old, then this one child has all the worry of looking after the parents and finding nursing homes etc. They really need a sibling to help with the stress.


How arrogant to come into this thread to tell OP what she must do with her womb.

And your claims are bullsh*t too. I'm an only and I didn't need a sibling as a child and nor do I as an adult.

Maybe you think fighting in front of your kids is okay because they have each other, but I don't. If your fighting scares and upsets your children, you are possibly traumatising them. No amount of siblings will make that better.



#8 wish*upon*a*star

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:23 PM

QUOTE (Winterdanceparty @ 26/01/2013, 05:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think only one child has a lot to deal with. There is nobody else to play with (or fight with) and if Mum and Dad are arguing, there is nobody to be with and feel comforted. When Mum and Dad get old, then this one child has all the worry of looking after the parents and finding nursing homes etc. They really need a sibling to help with the stress.


My DD has cousins close in age she sees all the time. I know plenty of families where only one child has been left with organising everything when parents are elderly so this is a moot point for me. From my POV everything you have listed is either able to be countered with planning and effort or has no guarantee of working out a certain way with 2 plus children.

#9 Starrydawn

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:24 PM

QUOTE (Winterdanceparty @ 26/01/2013, 05:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think only one child has a lot to deal with. There is nobody else to play with (or fight with) and if Mum and Dad are arguing, there is nobody to be with and feel comforted. When Mum and Dad get old, then this one child has all the worry of looking after the parents and finding nursing homes etc. They really need a sibling to help with the stress.


Bollocks.

I have one and will only have one. I am sure she will thrive. Plus bonus no dad for me mum to fight with either lol.

A sibling might add to the stress its unknown isn't it.


#10 Lifesgood

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:25 PM

Yes I was absolutely definitely only having one when DD was 1 y/o. And then when she was 18m I thought we might try for another, but had a disastrous time with IVF and gave up after a year, deciding that it was probably for the best anyway as I really only wanted the one. And then I turned 40 and DS sprung himself on us and here we are with two. I am so glad we were blessed with our surprise baby, it took the decision out of our hands and has been fabulous.

#11 FeralZombieMum

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:27 PM

We were both done at 1.

I had awful morning sickness, hated my entire pregnancy and had a traumatic birth (tore quite badly, had issues afterwards like retained placenta, bleed for 10 weeks and then my period returned a couple of weeks later!!!)

Was quite content for 5 years, I had no desire to have another - in fact I was petrified of becoming pregnant again. Then we found out we were expecting a surprise and I was terrified of giving birth for the rest of the pregnancy. Fortunately that fear disappeared once my labour started.



I now have 4 kids, but I would have been happy to still have just one, but I would probably then have issues with adjusting to the fact that I might never have grandkids because my DD is adamant she's not having kids.



#12 Madeline's Mum

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:27 PM

QUOTE (Winterdanceparty @ 26/01/2013, 05:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think only one child has a lot to deal with. There is nobody else to play with (or fight with) and if Mum and Dad are arguing, there is nobody to be with and feel comforted. When Mum and Dad get old, then this one child has all the worry of looking after the parents and finding nursing homes etc. They really need a sibling to help with the stress.


Omg what hog wash. My DS is fine playing by himself, when he is older, he'll have friends over to play. And what if they don't even get along? Just because they're siblings doesn't automatically mean that they'll play nice or have anything in common.

What a lot of pressure to put on a tiny human, that they're here for their older siblings entertainment and later help.

There are plenty of families out there with 3-5 children and yet it still ends up that just one child either has their older parents move in with them or takes on the organisation of a retirement village. Having a second doesn't mean to load will automatically be 50/50.

What a stupid statement. You're the sort of people that perpetuates the only child being a spoilt, lonely brat myth. Please show me statistical, peer reviewed data to prove this.

Maybe you should be more concerned with your family than worrying about what others are doing with theirs .

Edited by Madeline's Mum, 26 January 2013 - 04:29 PM.


#13 PattiODoors

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:27 PM

QUOTE (Winterdanceparty @ 26/01/2013, 05:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think only one child has a lot to deal with. There is nobody else to play with (or fight with) and if Mum and Dad are arguing, there is nobody to be with and feel comforted. When Mum and Dad get old, then this one child has all the worry of looking after the parents and finding nursing homes etc. They really need a sibling to help with the stress.


I disagree.
I have a younger sibling with severe SN. My parents have a lot of plans in place for the future for themselves and my sibling but it still doesn't stop me worrying.

Having a sibling does not guarantee they will be able to assist or comfort you in childhood or adulthood. Regardless of having SN or not.

#14 wish*upon*a*star

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:28 PM

Thanks Beetlebop. I would never tell anyone how many kids I think they should have but people tell me I can't have one?  shrug.gif

#15 wilding

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:29 PM

I'm done and dusted at 1. Mine is 11 and he's managed fine so far  ddance.gif


#16 wish*upon*a*star

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:31 PM

thanks for some great responses and good to hear of some one child families doing well and thriving despite some common misperceptions

#17 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:34 PM

QUOTE (Winterdanceparty @ 26/01/2013, 04:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think only one child has a lot to deal with. There is nobody else to play with (or fight with) and if Mum and Dad are arguing, there is nobody to be with and feel comforted. When Mum and Dad get old, then this one child has all the worry of looking after the parents and finding nursing homes etc. They really need a sibling to help with the stress.


What a load of sh*t.

One of my friends has had one and has no desire for another. Having another is not in the cards for here at all.

#18 Iris37

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:35 PM

Hi, I thought we were done at 1. Not by choice because at first  I did want another but it just never happened and gradually I came to the conclusion having one was just fine. I would walk into a supermarket , hear a toddler screaming and think thank goodness I dont have to go through that again  biggrin.gif . Then when DD was 14 years old we got a big suprise to find out we were expecting another one, DS was born when DD was almost 15 years old. Then DD2 arrived 2years 4months later biggrin.gif

Edited by Iris37, 26 January 2013 - 04:40 PM.


#19 Natttmumm

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:41 PM

I didn't feel done after one but I do get that done feeling. I'm having number three and I know after this I M done. Nothing could ever convince me to have another. There's no particular reason I'm just done!! So if that's how you feel I totally get it. The number of children you have is irrelevant. Once your done your done and that's fine.
You should be happy you know how you feel. So many others agonise over whether to have another etc.



#20 Escapin

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:42 PM

QUOTE (Winterdanceparty @ 26/01/2013, 05:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think only one child has a lot to deal with. There is nobody else to play with (or fight with) and if Mum and Dad are arguing, there is nobody to be with and feel comforted. When Mum and Dad get old, then this one child has all the worry of looking after the parents and finding nursing homes etc. They really need a sibling to help with the stress.


Oh p*ss off! Where DO people get off with this sort of crap. Just because you're related by blood doesn't mean that you'll like each other, and frankly, thinking that if you have 2 kids it's OK to scare them with your fighting is just beyond the pale.

One is looking good here. DD is 21 months, and there's definitely not another on the horizon.

#21 BetteBoop

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:47 PM

QUOTE (strawberrypie7 @ 26/01/2013, 04:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks Beetlebop. I would never tell anyone how many kids I think they should have but people tell me I can't have one?  shrug.gif


Opinions are like anuses. Everybody has one.

I've been told many times that I must be socially inept and selfish. Funnily enough, these comments have usually come from people who were almost universally disliked by their peers.

And the truth is, I loved being an only. As a child, I got endless attention. As an adult, guess whose inheritance will be undisputed by greedy sibs  eexcite.gif

#22 TopsyTurvy

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:52 PM

It took DH and I a long time to decide to have DS.  We decided to have one child and only one child and are both perfectly happy with that decision.  He will be three in a few months and while I can now gush and coo over other people's newborns, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to have another one.

Siblings can either be a blessing or a curse.  Plus as a PP put it, no nasty family fall outs over inheritance biggrin.gif

#23 cb2

Posted 26 January 2013 - 04:52 PM

OP
at the end of the day it doesn't matter what others think. Sure they will have their opinion and you will hear good and bad points and just plain rude and nasty.
As long as you and your partner are happy and you feel done with 1 then that is all that matters.

Children and having being able to have a child is such a blessing and a true miracle you are truely blessed to expererience the joys of parenthood. No one is more or less a parent  depending on how many children they have original.gif



#24 bunny2

Posted 26 January 2013 - 05:01 PM

I'm done at one.  I do think DD would benefit from having a sibling though.  I know that you can't guarantee that they'll get along, but I do feel a bit selfish for not giving her a sibling.  Not quite guilty enough to actually have another child though!  

I don't regret having an only child, however if I could do it all again I would have 2 - one after another in quick succession.  

I do think it changes your family dynamic when there are siblings.  I grew up with siblings and it was the greatest gift.

QUOTE (Winterdanceparty @ 26/01/2013, 04:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think only one child has a lot to deal with. There is nobody else to play with (or fight with) and if Mum and Dad are arguing, there is nobody to be with and feel comforted. When Mum and Dad get old, then this one child has all the worry of looking after the parents and finding nursing homes etc. They really need a sibling to help with the stress.


Give her a break guys.  This is just her opinion.  I don't see it as an attack on your choice to have one child so you don't have to be so defensive.

I do disagree with the 'only child has to look after mum and dad by themselves when they're old' bit though.  

I think when you have an only child you make doubly sure that you can take care of yourself and have the financial resources in your old age as you are well aware that it is a huge burden for one child to take on.  I don't expect my child to look after me at all when I'm old.

Edited by bunny2, 26 January 2013 - 05:02 PM.


#25 kirsty38

Posted 26 January 2013 - 05:05 PM

Your life your choice, my DH is an only child he never felt left out, always had neighbourhood kids or cousins to play with, now his parents are at the old age, he has me his wife to help him with nursing homes or home care etc.




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