Jump to content

i think my partner has ADHD or Aspergers


  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 Tessarose

Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:41 PM

hope i am posting this in the correct section.

long story short, i believe my partner has ADHD or even Aspergers.
we have been together for 8 years.
I love him, and i can not imagine my life without him.
i always suspected that he has some emotional issues, not sure how i came across of ADHD symptoms but when i was going through symptoms, i thought to myself, OMG this is it.

here are a couple of examples why i think he has it.

- he is    very impulsive. his behavior sometimes can be seen as very aggressive / rude.
-    fidgets all the time, he can not be still, he always has to do something with    his hands. picking nails etc.
- doesn't listen, always interrupts    others
- no patience!! at all!!!
- doesn't have many friends. can be sometimes very    rude without realising that he is super rude and that's not how to talk to    people. or just speaks his mind and say what he really thinks.
- likes to talk about his day and what he is about to do    or just did. sometimes he talks to himself, and sometimes he talks to me. likes to blurt out answers and doesnt listen to other people and    just likes to be heard.
- takes him ages to finish something. like small project at home.
-    normally he can not multitask. and in order to finish something he needs to    fully focus on one task. ei can not drive and change radio station or open    windows. only able to do it at the red light.
- can not control him emotions like anger or frustration (especially when playing PC games)
- he can never clean up after himself, very forgetful.
- i can give more examples, but thinking about his behavior makes me feel pretty sad.

if its not ADHD, i think it is something else. however the problem is that he will not do any counseling or will not see a psychiatrist for this.

couple of years ago when we broke up for a couple of months, i tried to get him to attend counseling with me, and he was extremely against it. i dont know how to bring it up, and if i do, he will just think i am nagging him or something.
he might listen to a GP, but i am unsure of how to get a GP to even suggest to see a psychologist.
his family cant really help us, as they are overseas and we dont talk to them often.

I should probably mention that we are expecting our first baby in a couple of months...

Edited by Tessarose, 25 January 2013 - 11:45 PM.


#2 Holidayromp

Posted 26 January 2013 - 08:40 AM

Oh dear - if he doesn't want to seek help then you cannot force him.  So you must take what you get at face value - can you put up with it long term?  Also because you are expecting a baby it is going to inject more stress into the relationship.

Did you pick up these things before you TTC?

It is a tricky situation because the fact you are asking questions on this page means that there are issues developing.

Also the fact that you broke up a few years ago speaks volumes - there were issues back then.  Why did you get back with him if he is not going to seek help and even go so far as having a baby with him?

If it had been me a few years ago there would have been noone I would have got back with him until he sorted his own self out the fact that he didn't speaks volumes on how he regards your relationship.

#3 I'm Batman

Posted 26 January 2013 - 08:56 AM

Go to drs. get a refferal to a psychological pratice as they have the ability to diagnose and give medication.


Make sure he goes.

I would be at my wits end if my partner was still like that, it was important for our marriage that he was treated properly, I had enough.



#4 IamzFeralz

Posted 26 January 2013 - 11:23 AM

I have a son with ADHD and have spent a lot of time researching this condition, reading books on the subject from the library mainly.

Based on your description, I think its very worth checking out the possibility of ADHD with a psychologist.  Having an ongoing marriage/relationship problem is considered to be another possible symptom of ADHD as well, although not by itself.  It's also possible that your partner may have a look alike condition but a good professional would be able to distinguish between these for example picking up on ASD.

It sounds like it is impacting on both your lives in a major way and it sounds like you want to save your relationship.

You may be interested in a forum for adults in ADHD marriages ADHD Marriage.  It has lots of articles as well.

Edited by Henndigo, 26 January 2013 - 11:26 AM.


#5 overthehill

Posted 26 January 2013 - 11:28 AM

QUOTE (Holidayromp @ 26/01/2013, 09:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh dear - if he doesn't want to seek help then you cannot force him.  So you must take what you get at face value - can you put up with it long term?  Also because you are expecting a baby it is going to inject more stress into the relationship.  Did you pick up these things before you TTC?  It is a tricky situation because the fact you are asking questions on this page means that there are issues developing.  Also the fact that you broke up a few years ago speaks volumes - there were issues back then.  Why did you get back with him if he is not going to seek help and even go so far as having a baby with him?  If it had been me a few years ago there would have been noone I would have got back with him until he sorted his own self out the fact that he didn't speaks volumes on how he regards your relationship.
  
I don't think these comments are helpful to the OP, she is looking for helpful advice.

#6 misty85

Posted 26 January 2013 - 11:58 AM

It does sound like he may have ADHD.
My partner has just been diagnosed with ADHD and started taking his meds today. I have already noticed a difference.

I had been saying for years he might have it but no one would listen.

I read a post on her a few weeks ago about someone who's partner had ADHD and the impact it was having on their relationship. It could have been me writing it.
I was at the point that if his behaviour didnt change i would have to leave, I couldn't take much more. I told him this and explained what I had read about ADHD and that others had tried meds and councelling and they felt so much better for it.

I think me telling him i would leave and explaining the symptoms of ADHD and how his behavior fit with them gave him the kick up the bum he needed to get checked out. He also couldn't understand his behavior when i explained it to him so he knew there was something wrong.

He feels better already just having a diagnosis for why he is the way he is. Also with him starting to understand and take responsibility for his ADHD symptoms, it has helped our relationship.

Maybe try to get him to see how his behavior is not appropriate. It took me few months to get DF to see his behavior was not appropriate but he sees it now.

#7 Holidayromp

Posted 26 January 2013 - 12:08 PM

QUOTE (overthehill @ 26/01/2013, 12:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think these comments are helpful to the OP, she is looking for helpful advice.


and it is not helpful that you pick holes in posters suggestions without offering any thing useful yourself.

Alot of it was food for thought for the OP and the knowledge that someone out there has reached out to her.

#8 sad small umbrella

Posted 26 January 2013 - 12:12 PM

HR if you think your post was helpful, it probably wasn't.

You blame her for taking him back and getting pregnant.  You blamed him for not realising he had issues and getting help before he came back and outright say his not knowing he needs help 'speaks volumes',

NO, no it doesn't.  Lacking insight into one's issues means one lacks insight, no more, no less.

OP to a certain extent you can ask and insist that he gets help if  your relationship is to continue.  That pathway means you have to commit to following through on leaving though if he feels there are no issues.

#9 baddmammajamma

Posted 26 January 2013 - 12:38 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 26/01/2013, 10:10 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry OP but he just sounds like a big jerk to me.  I've known adults with those disorders and they were nothing like that.  Perhaps because they received help when they were younger. But I don't see anything you have listed there that could be attributed to ADHD, or ASD.  Sure some things could fit, but the worse part of his behaviour just sounds like general d***head behaviour.

I disagree.

My first impression, OP, when I read your list was the same as Hennigo's & misty85's impressions (we are all living with ADHD in our own families): certainly enough potential "red flags" to warrant concern.

Of course, none of us here is qualified to dx anything, but based on what you've shared, I can see why you think ADHD and related issues are worth exploring.

Common symptoms checklist
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/621.html

(In addition to the link that Henndigo provides, ADDitude magazine online, where I pulled the above article, has some great resources  -- lots of articles & links related to adult ADHD & relationships with a partner with ADHD).

Do you think your husband would be receptive if you shared your concerns and insist that he seek some professional support? What are you prepared to do if he says "No?"

I hope you are able to convince your husband to seek some help. I also with Madame Protart's suggestion that you might want to consider professional support for yourself.

Talking to his/your GP would be a good place to start. If you are willing to say where you are located (general area), perhaps some EBers who have adult ADHD or a partner with ADHD could recommend particularly effective professionals.

Good luck. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I hope everything works out for the best for your entire family.

Edited by baddmammajamma, 26 January 2013 - 12:39 PM.


#10 Mpjp is feral

Posted 26 January 2013 - 12:55 PM

My dad is autistic, and many of the traits you describe are shared by him. Personally I have struggled to delineate which behaviours are characteristics of his disorder, and which are just part of his personality. There was a thread here a while ago started by a woman whose dh had ( or she thought had, I can't remember) aspergers, and I know she was shot down for ascribing traits such as aggression to the disorder.
For me it would come down to will he get assistance or won't he? Once you know that then you can make YOUR decisions. Personally I couldn't be in a relationship like that, but I may be biased by witnessing my parents marriage. If you stay you need to accept him as he is, and get yourself some support, and learn strategies for dealing w him and keeping yourself sane (keeping in mind good psych's won't diagnose through a third person).
This of course, is assuming he's not neuro-typical, and that the traits you describe aren't just 'him'.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Christa Engles was changing her baby's nappy when tragedy struck.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.