Jump to content

Clinging to Gift for Birthday child
A present for a birthday girl but we want it for ourselves!


  • Please log in to reply
22 replies to this topic

#1 cinderellainsydney

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:43 PM

5yo DD has selected a present for her friend worth $90. She is having trouble letting go of the present.

There were tears followed by anger - she tried to hit me! Followed by time out. I tried to explain to her that everyone takes 'turns' in having birthdays, and we remembered her own birthday party and recalled all the presents.

But every couple of hours the cycle of tears and anger and time out starts all over again!

Talking about it isn't helping. I don't want to buy another present for DD just like the one for birthday girl to make it go away - she has many toys.

My suggestion of not going to party was met by: Can I keep the present then?

Please help - I can not think straight due to being worn out by the tantrums!

#2 ~Supernova~

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:49 PM

My child wouldn't be keeping it. There's a good lesson to be learnt here! I'd just deal with the tantrums. No way, no how would I be giving in.

#3 Mumma3

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:49 PM

I'm confused. Do you mean you spent $90 on a gift for your 5yos friend?


#4 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:52 PM

Go to the party and hand over the present and have a fun time or take the present back to the shop and stay home?

#5 The Old Feral

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.

#6 ~Supernova~

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 25/01/2013, 06:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.


tthumbs.gif

#7 Excentrique Feral

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

Take the gift back to the shop and get something cheaper.

Then its not in the house and your DD doesn't need to be jealous of her friend.

IMO $90 is way to much to spend.

#8 PatG

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

Tell her that no, she can not have the gift, no, we are not going to discuss it again and every time you bring it up/ask/whine about it you will lose a toy for x amount of time.

#9 Avogadro

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:04 PM

QUOTE
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.


cclap.gif

#10 Georgie01

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:04 PM

QUOTE
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".


And put the present away where she can't get or see it until the party, no more discussion of the gift.

Tantrums in my house result in the child going to their room until they are ready to behave - even the four year olds understand. I do realise that there are some children that this approach doesn't work for though.

#11 Carmen02

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:06 PM

QUOTE (Excentrique @ 25/01/2013, 06:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Take the gift back to the shop and get something cheaper.

Then its not in the house and your DD doesn't need to be jealous of her friend.

IMO $90 is way to much to spend.


i agree...i wouldnt put up with it at all.

#12 cinderellainsydney

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

I think I can see the light. Thanks for the help!

Will be taking on board everything.

Yes, I spent $90, I didn't think it was too much at the time...DD is generally very spoilt by her grandparents and has many toys. I don't think the jealousy stems from the value of the present. But it's too late to take the present back - we live far from the nearest shopping centre.

#13 MrsLexiK

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

I would feel utterly embarrassed if someone gave my child a $90 present who was not a grandparent or aunt.

#14 Funwith3

Posted 30 January 2013 - 06:29 AM

Why did you feel the need to mention the cost of the present? I don't think that has anything to do with her tantrum and is irrelevant to the situation. I wouldffeel so awkward if someone spent that on my child....

#15 -*meh*-

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:13 AM

QUOTE (Funwith3 @ 30/01/2013, 06:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why did you feel the need to mention the cost of the present? I don't think that has anything to do with her tantrum and is irrelevant to the situation. I wouldffeel so awkward if someone spent that on my child....


i can get it for this type of thread... it stops people suggesting "well if she likes it so much then why not get her one" because most people would assume it would be $15-$20 present.

#16 CallMeFeral

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:32 AM

QUOTE (Georgie01 @ 25/01/2013, 08:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And put the present away where she can't get or see it until the party, no more discussion of the gift.

Tantrums in my house result in the child going to their room until they are ready to behave - even the four year olds understand. I do realise that there are some children that this approach doesn't work for though.


This.
As for the $90 - lucky friend!

#17 cward

Posted 31 January 2013 - 10:12 AM

QUOTE
As for the $90 - lucky friend!
  I'm assuming your child isn't at school.  If my kids were anything to go by they are lots of parties in the first year of school so I wouldn't want to be setting a precedent of spending $90 on a present.

#18 lynneyours

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:25 AM

Agree with a PP = I'd be horrified and embarrassed if someone spent $90 on my child, apart from family.

There is no way I could afford to reciprocate that kind of gift and then I'd feel awful!

I spend $10-20 for kids, and by buying on sale etc, can get some really cool stuff.

I think give the birthday child a cheaper gift, and maybe let your DD "earn" the $90 thing with good behaviour, jobs, helping, selling some of her other toys on ebay or donating them to charity etc could work.

#19 erindiv

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:34 AM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 25/01/2013, 07:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.



QUOTE (lynnemine @ 31/01/2013, 12:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Agree with a PP = I'd be horrified and embarrassed if someone spent $90 on my child, apart from family.

There is no way I could afford to reciprocate that kind of gift and then I'd feel awful!



Agree with both of these. $90 is more than I'd spend on a single present for my own kids, let alone someone else's. Wow! Lucky friend indeed.

This is a non issue though. There is one word - "No." She's not having it. She's not getting her own.

Just a side thought though - is she likely to spoil the party by having a huge tantrum when this friend opens the present? Or to maliciously damage it on the day?

#20 bakesgirls

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:36 AM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 25/01/2013, 07:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.


This, this, and this again. cclap.gif

QUOTE (MrsLexiK @ 25/01/2013, 08:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would feel utterly embarrassed if someone gave my child a $90 present who was not a grandparent or aunt.


Yep, totally over the top IMO.

#21 Jenferal

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:11 PM

I think perhaps cutting back on the amount of toys she gets might also be a good idea, that way she may be less likely to want every toy she sees(including those for her friends).

I'd also be a bit taken aback at a gift costing that much from a non family member. Perhaps it's time to start teaching her the costs of things and basic budgeting as well.
If she expects you to pay that much for gifts once she starts school, you'll be spending thousands a year JUST on gifts for other kids.


#22 FiFiLicious

Posted 12 February 2013 - 09:58 PM

OP, I know you say you see the light, but seriously? Reign your DD in. My kiddo gets heaps and is terribly spoilt by g'parents. She can carry on " I want, not fair" blah blah. But no - is no.  Try argue and the consequence is met. In your case it would be no party and she would personally hand over the present to party girl and say happy birthday after the first tantrum.  I have taken crap back to the shop for refunds with this sort of behaviour, in front of DD.  We are so lucky and want for nothing, I'll be damned if DD grows up wanting more more more!!  
We had heaps of parties last year ( FYOS) so much fun!! But no one remembers who bought what and why
Tone down the -$$ or you will go broke!!


#23 Feralishous

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:00 AM

our 'limit' in our group of friends is $20 per gift.
I also involve DD in choosing a present for her friend, so far she has chosen toys she already owns, as she loves it, and its 'my favourite' so x would love it too.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

Toddler freed after getting trapped in escalator

A shopping centre escalator needed to be pulled apart to free a toddler's trapped hand.

Why I'm kind of excited about my daughter's nits

Is it weird to say that I am secretly thrilled to find that my daughter Edie has nits?

Baby born at 10:11 on 12-13-14

Well, it's actually 13-12-14 to us over here. But still, Clare Elizabeth Keane's consecutive numerical birth time is pretty special.

On holding tightly and loving fiercely

We can't live in fear. This post is about Christmas and how at this time we should be celebrating life and grateful for what we have: our loved ones who we cherish fiercely.

Babies, relatives and coping with Christmas day

Everyone will love your baby but your baby may not be so happy to be passed around a lot of new people - nor may you want to feed with an audience.

Why I won't be posting pictures of my baby on Facebook

There are pros and cons to this policy.

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.