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Clinging to Gift for Birthday child
A present for a birthday girl but we want it for ourselves!


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22 replies to this topic

#1 cinderellainsydney

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:43 PM

5yo DD has selected a present for her friend worth $90. She is having trouble letting go of the present.

There were tears followed by anger - she tried to hit me! Followed by time out. I tried to explain to her that everyone takes 'turns' in having birthdays, and we remembered her own birthday party and recalled all the presents.

But every couple of hours the cycle of tears and anger and time out starts all over again!

Talking about it isn't helping. I don't want to buy another present for DD just like the one for birthday girl to make it go away - she has many toys.

My suggestion of not going to party was met by: Can I keep the present then?

Please help - I can not think straight due to being worn out by the tantrums!

#2 ~Supernova~

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:49 PM

My child wouldn't be keeping it. There's a good lesson to be learnt here! I'd just deal with the tantrums. No way, no how would I be giving in.

#3 Mumma3

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:49 PM

I'm confused. Do you mean you spent $90 on a gift for your 5yos friend?


#4 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:52 PM

Go to the party and hand over the present and have a fun time or take the present back to the shop and stay home?

#5 The Old Feral

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.

#6 ~Supernova~

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 25/01/2013, 06:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.


tthumbs.gif

#7 Bluestocking

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

Take the gift back to the shop and get something cheaper.

Then its not in the house and your DD doesn't need to be jealous of her friend.

IMO $90 is way to much to spend.

#8 PatG

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

Tell her that no, she can not have the gift, no, we are not going to discuss it again and every time you bring it up/ask/whine about it you will lose a toy for x amount of time.

#9 Avogadro

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:04 PM

QUOTE
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.


cclap.gif

#10 Georgie01

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:04 PM

QUOTE
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".


And put the present away where she can't get or see it until the party, no more discussion of the gift.

Tantrums in my house result in the child going to their room until they are ready to behave - even the four year olds understand. I do realise that there are some children that this approach doesn't work for though.

#11 Carmen02

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:06 PM

QUOTE (Excentrique @ 25/01/2013, 06:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Take the gift back to the shop and get something cheaper.

Then its not in the house and your DD doesn't need to be jealous of her friend.

IMO $90 is way to much to spend.


i agree...i wouldnt put up with it at all.

#12 cinderellainsydney

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

I think I can see the light. Thanks for the help!

Will be taking on board everything.

Yes, I spent $90, I didn't think it was too much at the time...DD is generally very spoilt by her grandparents and has many toys. I don't think the jealousy stems from the value of the present. But it's too late to take the present back - we live far from the nearest shopping centre.

#13 MrsLexiK

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

I would feel utterly embarrassed if someone gave my child a $90 present who was not a grandparent or aunt.

#14 Funwith3

Posted 30 January 2013 - 06:29 AM

Why did you feel the need to mention the cost of the present? I don't think that has anything to do with her tantrum and is irrelevant to the situation. I wouldffeel so awkward if someone spent that on my child....

#15 Bob-the-skull

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:13 AM

QUOTE (Funwith3 @ 30/01/2013, 06:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why did you feel the need to mention the cost of the present? I don't think that has anything to do with her tantrum and is irrelevant to the situation. I wouldffeel so awkward if someone spent that on my child....


i can get it for this type of thread... it stops people suggesting "well if she likes it so much then why not get her one" because most people would assume it would be $15-$20 present.

#16 CallMeFeral

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:32 AM

QUOTE (Georgie01 @ 25/01/2013, 08:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And put the present away where she can't get or see it until the party, no more discussion of the gift.

Tantrums in my house result in the child going to their room until they are ready to behave - even the four year olds understand. I do realise that there are some children that this approach doesn't work for though.


This.
As for the $90 - lucky friend!

#17 cward

Posted 31 January 2013 - 10:12 AM

QUOTE
As for the $90 - lucky friend!
  I'm assuming your child isn't at school.  If my kids were anything to go by they are lots of parties in the first year of school so I wouldn't want to be setting a precedent of spending $90 on a present.

#18 lynneyours

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:25 AM

Agree with a PP = I'd be horrified and embarrassed if someone spent $90 on my child, apart from family.

There is no way I could afford to reciprocate that kind of gift and then I'd feel awful!

I spend $10-20 for kids, and by buying on sale etc, can get some really cool stuff.

I think give the birthday child a cheaper gift, and maybe let your DD "earn" the $90 thing with good behaviour, jobs, helping, selling some of her other toys on ebay or donating them to charity etc could work.

#19 erindiv

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:34 AM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 25/01/2013, 07:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.



QUOTE (lynnemine @ 31/01/2013, 12:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Agree with a PP = I'd be horrified and embarrassed if someone spent $90 on my child, apart from family.

There is no way I could afford to reciprocate that kind of gift and then I'd feel awful!



Agree with both of these. $90 is more than I'd spend on a single present for my own kids, let alone someone else's. Wow! Lucky friend indeed.

This is a non issue though. There is one word - "No." She's not having it. She's not getting her own.

Just a side thought though - is she likely to spoil the party by having a huge tantrum when this friend opens the present? Or to maliciously damage it on the day?

#20 bakesgirls

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:36 AM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 25/01/2013, 07:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.


This, this, and this again. cclap.gif

QUOTE (MrsLexiK @ 25/01/2013, 08:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would feel utterly embarrassed if someone gave my child a $90 present who was not a grandparent or aunt.


Yep, totally over the top IMO.

#21 Jenflea

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:11 PM

I think perhaps cutting back on the amount of toys she gets might also be a good idea, that way she may be less likely to want every toy she sees(including those for her friends).

I'd also be a bit taken aback at a gift costing that much from a non family member. Perhaps it's time to start teaching her the costs of things and basic budgeting as well.
If she expects you to pay that much for gifts once she starts school, you'll be spending thousands a year JUST on gifts for other kids.


#22 FiFiLicious

Posted 12 February 2013 - 09:58 PM

OP, I know you say you see the light, but seriously? Reign your DD in. My kiddo gets heaps and is terribly spoilt by g'parents. She can carry on " I want, not fair" blah blah. But no - is no.  Try argue and the consequence is met. In your case it would be no party and she would personally hand over the present to party girl and say happy birthday after the first tantrum.  I have taken crap back to the shop for refunds with this sort of behaviour, in front of DD.  We are so lucky and want for nothing, I'll be damned if DD grows up wanting more more more!!  
We had heaps of parties last year ( FYOS) so much fun!! But no one remembers who bought what and why
Tone down the -$$ or you will go broke!!


#23 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:00 AM

our 'limit' in our group of friends is $20 per gift.
I also involve DD in choosing a present for her friend, so far she has chosen toys she already owns, as she loves it, and its 'my favourite' so x would love it too.




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