Jump to content

Clinging to Gift for Birthday child
A present for a birthday girl but we want it for ourselves!


  • Please log in to reply
22 replies to this topic

#1 cinderellainsydney

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:43 PM

5yo DD has selected a present for her friend worth $90. She is having trouble letting go of the present.

There were tears followed by anger - she tried to hit me! Followed by time out. I tried to explain to her that everyone takes 'turns' in having birthdays, and we remembered her own birthday party and recalled all the presents.

But every couple of hours the cycle of tears and anger and time out starts all over again!

Talking about it isn't helping. I don't want to buy another present for DD just like the one for birthday girl to make it go away - she has many toys.

My suggestion of not going to party was met by: Can I keep the present then?

Please help - I can not think straight due to being worn out by the tantrums!

#2 ~Supernova~

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:49 PM

My child wouldn't be keeping it. There's a good lesson to be learnt here! I'd just deal with the tantrums. No way, no how would I be giving in.

#3 Mumma3

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:49 PM

I'm confused. Do you mean you spent $90 on a gift for your 5yos friend?


#4 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:52 PM

Go to the party and hand over the present and have a fun time or take the present back to the shop and stay home?

#5 The Old Feral

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.

#6 ~Supernova~

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 25/01/2013, 06:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.


tthumbs.gif

#7 Bluestocking

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

Take the gift back to the shop and get something cheaper.

Then its not in the house and your DD doesn't need to be jealous of her friend.

IMO $90 is way to much to spend.

#8 PatG

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

Tell her that no, she can not have the gift, no, we are not going to discuss it again and every time you bring it up/ask/whine about it you will lose a toy for x amount of time.

#9 Avogadro

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:04 PM

QUOTE
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.


cclap.gif

#10 Georgie01

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:04 PM

QUOTE
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".


And put the present away where she can't get or see it until the party, no more discussion of the gift.

Tantrums in my house result in the child going to their room until they are ready to behave - even the four year olds understand. I do realise that there are some children that this approach doesn't work for though.

#11 Carmen02

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:06 PM

QUOTE (Excentrique @ 25/01/2013, 06:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Take the gift back to the shop and get something cheaper.

Then its not in the house and your DD doesn't need to be jealous of her friend.

IMO $90 is way to much to spend.


i agree...i wouldnt put up with it at all.

#12 cinderellainsydney

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

I think I can see the light. Thanks for the help!

Will be taking on board everything.

Yes, I spent $90, I didn't think it was too much at the time...DD is generally very spoilt by her grandparents and has many toys. I don't think the jealousy stems from the value of the present. But it's too late to take the present back - we live far from the nearest shopping centre.

#13 MrsLexiK

Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

I would feel utterly embarrassed if someone gave my child a $90 present who was not a grandparent or aunt.

#14 Funwith3

Posted 30 January 2013 - 06:29 AM

Why did you feel the need to mention the cost of the present? I don't think that has anything to do with her tantrum and is irrelevant to the situation. I wouldffeel so awkward if someone spent that on my child....

#15 Bob-the-skull

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:13 AM

QUOTE (Funwith3 @ 30/01/2013, 06:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why did you feel the need to mention the cost of the present? I don't think that has anything to do with her tantrum and is irrelevant to the situation. I wouldffeel so awkward if someone spent that on my child....


i can get it for this type of thread... it stops people suggesting "well if she likes it so much then why not get her one" because most people would assume it would be $15-$20 present.

#16 CallMeFeral

Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:32 AM

QUOTE (Georgie01 @ 25/01/2013, 08:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And put the present away where she can't get or see it until the party, no more discussion of the gift.

Tantrums in my house result in the child going to their room until they are ready to behave - even the four year olds understand. I do realise that there are some children that this approach doesn't work for though.


This.
As for the $90 - lucky friend!

#17 cward

Posted 31 January 2013 - 10:12 AM

QUOTE
As for the $90 - lucky friend!
  I'm assuming your child isn't at school.  If my kids were anything to go by they are lots of parties in the first year of school so I wouldn't want to be setting a precedent of spending $90 on a present.

#18 lynneyours

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:25 AM

Agree with a PP = I'd be horrified and embarrassed if someone spent $90 on my child, apart from family.

There is no way I could afford to reciprocate that kind of gift and then I'd feel awful!

I spend $10-20 for kids, and by buying on sale etc, can get some really cool stuff.

I think give the birthday child a cheaper gift, and maybe let your DD "earn" the $90 thing with good behaviour, jobs, helping, selling some of her other toys on ebay or donating them to charity etc could work.

#19 erindiv

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:34 AM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 25/01/2013, 07:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.



QUOTE (lynnemine @ 31/01/2013, 12:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Agree with a PP = I'd be horrified and embarrassed if someone spent $90 on my child, apart from family.

There is no way I could afford to reciprocate that kind of gift and then I'd feel awful!



Agree with both of these. $90 is more than I'd spend on a single present for my own kids, let alone someone else's. Wow! Lucky friend indeed.

This is a non issue though. There is one word - "No." She's not having it. She's not getting her own.

Just a side thought though - is she likely to spoil the party by having a huge tantrum when this friend opens the present? Or to maliciously damage it on the day?

#20 bakesgirls

Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:36 AM

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 25/01/2013, 07:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would say something like "I've said no and I mean no and I am not arguing with you anymore".

And ignore her completely if she mentions it again.

I think sometimes, we overthink and overtalk things when really kids just need to be told (nicely) they're being ridiculous and to STFU.


This, this, and this again. cclap.gif

QUOTE (MrsLexiK @ 25/01/2013, 08:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would feel utterly embarrassed if someone gave my child a $90 present who was not a grandparent or aunt.


Yep, totally over the top IMO.

#21 Jenflea

Posted 31 January 2013 - 01:11 PM

I think perhaps cutting back on the amount of toys she gets might also be a good idea, that way she may be less likely to want every toy she sees(including those for her friends).

I'd also be a bit taken aback at a gift costing that much from a non family member. Perhaps it's time to start teaching her the costs of things and basic budgeting as well.
If she expects you to pay that much for gifts once she starts school, you'll be spending thousands a year JUST on gifts for other kids.


#22 FiFiLicious

Posted 12 February 2013 - 09:58 PM

OP, I know you say you see the light, but seriously? Reign your DD in. My kiddo gets heaps and is terribly spoilt by g'parents. She can carry on " I want, not fair" blah blah. But no - is no.  Try argue and the consequence is met. In your case it would be no party and she would personally hand over the present to party girl and say happy birthday after the first tantrum.  I have taken crap back to the shop for refunds with this sort of behaviour, in front of DD.  We are so lucky and want for nothing, I'll be damned if DD grows up wanting more more more!!  
We had heaps of parties last year ( FYOS) so much fun!! But no one remembers who bought what and why
Tone down the -$$ or you will go broke!!


#23 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:00 AM

our 'limit' in our group of friends is $20 per gift.
I also involve DD in choosing a present for her friend, so far she has chosen toys she already owns, as she loves it, and its 'my favourite' so x would love it too.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The popular baby name from the Rio Olympics

"With a pair of athletes who are not only successful, but seen as great role models – combined with a softer sound – it is like hitting the jackpot."

Toy stuck in baby's throat for two weeks

When Jude Atiga's baby son Laith was struggling to breathe the worried mum called an ambulance.

Mum awarded $20 million over birth power struggle with nurses

As a mother of three, Caroline Malatesta thought she knew what she was letting herself in for when it came to the birth of her fourth baby.

Win a Baby Jogger City Premier for Father's Day

To celebrate Father's Day, one lucky EB fan will win one of their own! Enter Now!

'There's a giant picture of BOOBS but I can not feed my child'

A mum was ushered out of an US department store's underwear section after discreetly breastfeeding her baby.

Why fatherhood scares many dads-to-be

Travis Bull vividly remembers discovering his partner was pregnant for the first time.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

Warning for pregnant women as flu-related deaths triple

A more than three-fold increase in flu-related deaths has sparked a plea for those with the flu to stay away from vulnerable people.

I'm trying to keep my child-free friends in my life, but it's tough

I tried to prove to my single friends that I was the same I'd always been. But marriage did change me - and motherhood has, too

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Too many parents still putting babies in unsafe bedding: study

A study found that a whopping 91 per cent of four-week-old babies had been placed in cots with unsafe bedding.

Mum's shock as toddler fat-shamed by internet trolls

When a mother uploaded a cute photograph of her 14-month old child online, she did not expect a swarm of internet trolls to write that her toddler was fat.

How an Aldi staff member made one exhausted mum's day

It was a simple act of kindness, but one that made an exhausted mother's day.

The most awww-worthy celeb baby pics of the week

It's been a pretty cute week on Instagram in terms of celebs relishing their babies.

When 'Just Do It' just doesn't cut it

When even Michelle Bridges admits to struggling with her exercise regime, it's time to accept that having small children can be a legitimate reason for exercise not happening.

What life is really like when you have five kids

Life is cute with one, manageable with three, but at times completely impossible with five.

When no one can pronounce your baby's name

In Wales it's a common name, but over here, it's cause for some confusion.

Dad shares horror tale after Roomba's run-in with dog poop

It's the poop story that's been shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world.

How a homemade wheelchair is giving baby Evelyn freedom

Like all one-year-olds, Evelyn Moore is keen to get moving and explore the world around her. But a battle with aggressive cancer left the little girl paralysed from the waist down.

Single to double pram that folds with seat attached

A pram is a large purchase, and you only want to buy once.

Mum-to-be surprises husband with big news in joy-filled photoshoot

When Bri Dow learnt that she was expecting, she immediately knew she wanted to break the news to her husband Brandon in a special way.

Blake Lively: 'Post-pregnancy slim down pressure is so unfair'

Blake Lively has urged women not to feel pressured to lose weight after pregnancy.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

ENTER NOW

Win one of two Father's Day Gift Packs

Sign up to receive our new Essential Kids announcements emails for a chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.