Jump to content

Friendships... Conditional or Unconditional.


  • Please log in to reply
29 replies to this topic

#1 PurpleWitch

Posted 25 January 2013 - 05:48 PM

Do you believe that friendships are unconditional or conditional?

Are you a lousy friend if you get to a point where you go "Nah, can't do this" and opt out or is being a good friend about accepting your friends warts and all, no matter what.

Is there a line?



#2 *-*

Posted 25 January 2013 - 05:51 PM

There is a line.  That line differs for many people.

I take warts and all.  But get offensive or rude regularly, and good bye.

#3 mummabear

Posted 25 January 2013 - 05:54 PM

There's a line. Definitely a line!

Why let someone treat you poorly? I wouldn't stay in a marriage like that, and wouldn't stay in a friendship either. When it gets too much...it gets too much.

You gotta accept the small stuff, but repeated crap isn't worth fighting for. It is probably why I only have a very tiny number of true friends, and it's easy!

#4 PurplePaperFrog

Posted 25 January 2013 - 05:56 PM

For my very close friends (most of which are from my childhood) it is unconditional. But that's because I know them so well they are unlikely to change personalities and suddenly become people I don't love.

But I'm lucky to have my girls. It gives all of us such confidence and security knowing we'd all be there for each other no matter what.

#5 Cyaira

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:05 PM

I don't believe anything is ever truly unconditional. If your best friend started sleeping with your husband or you found out that they're a psychopath would you still be friends? There's always a line. To not have a line would be stupidity IMO.

That said, I have only a few really close friends and I would support them during hard times and I know they'd do the same back.

#6 Apageintime

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:06 PM

I have one freind unconditional, she could do anything and I'd still love her.

Anyone else there's a line, and its different for each person, some it could be posting urban legends on facebook (ie Asylum seekers get more welfare than pensioners) and some would have to do something serious, like run over my cat or something. Where that line is dpends on a range of factors.

#7 MintyBiscuit

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:09 PM

Depends on the friend.

Disregarding the obvious big ones of finding out they're a murdered or a rapist or something equally awful, I have about three friends who can pretty much do nothing that would stop our friendship. They are definite warts and all friendships. All other friendships would have a line, but I don't think I'd know where the line was until I got to it

#8 ms flib

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:12 PM

I lost a close friend when I had PND. Her friendship was conditional ... it was incredibly hurtful.

She just wanted me to be cheery all the time.

#9 Oriental lily

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:17 PM

I personally don't think unconditional love/friendship exists between adults.

Edited by Oriental lily, 25 January 2013 - 06:18 PM.


#10 :::

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:20 PM

I don't think unconditional love exists between families let alone friends.

#11 Nora.

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:25 PM

All of my relationships are conditional. Every single one.

#12 katpaws

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

One friend tried to involve me in her suicide by cop - after that i couldn't deal with her anymore, she was not apologetic at all and she caused me a lot of distress. She also (in her attempt at suicide by cop) did some alwful things, and she went beyond what i could accept. I had helped her through breakdowns and drug overdoses (etc) but at that point, it became too much.

I don't put conditions on my friendships but once people start dragging you down, then i think it is time to rethink the relationship.



#13 elizabethany

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:35 PM

QUOTE (Nora. @ 25/01/2013, 07:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
All of my relationships are conditional. Every single one.


This, but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't put up with a lot, just that I can't continually give to a person that I get nothing back from.

#14 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:37 PM

Yep I'm with Nora.

#15 Ianthe

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:38 PM

I think there has to be a line. One friend I had to cut off. She was so negative and miserable and never thought she had anything to do with it.

#16 TheGreenSheep

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:41 PM

It's conditional. I have a certain amount of decency I expect people to treat me with.

I have differing amounts of contact with different friends. Some I don't speak to or see for a year and the next time we catch up we are amazing mates. Living interstate does get in the way from time to time.


#17 F1widow

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:45 PM

Conditional. Totally.

I'm a merciless friend culler. If the friendship becomes hard work then they are cut. Obviously, I don't mean if they're a close friend and they are going through something where support is required. I mean if they go from being a nice person to a prat, I just don't have time to agonise over what to say and how to tell them, I just cut ties.

I've actually recently reconnected with someone I cut a few years ago and we talked about it and she totally got it. I did say I was sorry if she was hurt by my cut off (coincided with our engagement party so it was clear she was cut) but I had my reasons.

#18 StopTheGoats

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:45 PM

QUOTE (Flylikeabutterfly @ 25/01/2013, 07:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think unconditional love exists between families let alone friends.


Agree.
The line is different depending on the friendship. There is virtually nothing my best mate could do that would make me not want to understand her. There are things that she might do which might make me renegotiate the unspoken terms of our friendship but I will always try to understand her.

To be frank, most people wouldn't have to do much to make me think "this is boring. I'd rather spend time with my family"

Edited by JuniorSpies, 25 January 2013 - 06:46 PM.


#19 JustBeige

Posted 25 January 2013 - 08:03 PM

I think there is a line, but it depends on the friendship and the person.

One persons 'line' is another ones 'meh'.

I think it more depends on whether you are actually compatible companions or opposites attract.

#20 Propaganda

Posted 25 January 2013 - 08:15 PM

Absolutely conditional.

My marriage is conditional. I wouldn't put up with affairs or abuse or any such thing for the man I married, why would I for friends?

I think the only person I offer unconditional love for is my child.

Some friends are worth more headaches than others, but there's not really a system in place that decided who is worth the effort and who isn't. Some I would put up with a lot more from than others, sometimes because I can see that they're worth more as friends than others, they have been through a lot and so I'm willing to let a lot slide, etc.

#21 ~~Cleopatra~~

Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:39 PM

QUOTE
Is there a line?


I just walked away from a friend who all but blatently accused me of trying to steal her partner. And not for the first time either. She does have issues which is why I put up with it for as long as I did but I'd had enough. She well and truely crossed the line. Anyone who really knows me knows damn well their man is safe with me.



#22 The Awesome One

Posted 26 January 2013 - 03:26 AM

There's a line, though it's rather far away, I can accept that my friends and I will not agree on every subject and will have differing opinions, but there are some things a friendship just can not come back from.

example: Friend enters into an affair and tries to use me as a cover (nope sorry friendship over)
another example: Friend starts using drugs (nope sorry, don't care who you are, drugs are a big big no no for me and I will cease all contact with you).

#23 Fr0g

Posted 26 January 2013 - 06:45 AM

Life's too short to put up with sh*t from people I don't have to.  Having said that, my tolerance is pretty high and I need to have some 'repeat offences' when it comes to culling a friendship - people do make mistakes, and treat others badly at times.  I would expect my friends to tolerate my dodginess at times, too!  Fortunately in my late 30s, I tend to make better friendship choices and my loony-attracting days seem to be over.  

I agree with what Propaganda said,
QUOTE
Some friends are worth more headaches than others, but there's not really a system in place that decided who is worth the effort and who isn't

Edited by FrogIsAFrogIsAFrog, 26 January 2013 - 06:46 AM.


#24 Jellyblush

Posted 26 January 2013 - 08:08 AM

QUOTE (HollyOllyOxenfree @ 25/01/2013, 07:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
All other friendships would have a line, but I don't think I'd know where the line was until I got to it



This.
I have friendships I would have sworn were unconditional, and then something happens that knocks you off your feet in disbelief, and you just can't continue.

The line for me has generally been - when I have needed a friend and they could have done something to help, but chose not to as it would have been an inconvenience to them. I go out of my way to nurture my friends all the time, and am generally pretty positive, so if I'm down, and say "hey, I need some support" and you're too busy - I just can't feel the same about you.

#25 Soontobegran

Posted 26 January 2013 - 08:18 AM

Always conditional but I believe we create our own conditions.

I think all people have flaws and some are easily overlooked and some aren't. I am a believer in looking into why there are these flaws and working with them if they are not having a negative affect on my life because there is often an amazing but wounded person there.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.