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Friendships... Conditional or Unconditional.


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#1 PurpleWitch

Posted 25 January 2013 - 05:48 PM

Do you believe that friendships are unconditional or conditional?

Are you a lousy friend if you get to a point where you go "Nah, can't do this" and opt out or is being a good friend about accepting your friends warts and all, no matter what.

Is there a line?



#2 *-*

Posted 25 January 2013 - 05:51 PM

There is a line.  That line differs for many people.

I take warts and all.  But get offensive or rude regularly, and good bye.

#3 mummabear

Posted 25 January 2013 - 05:54 PM

There's a line. Definitely a line!

Why let someone treat you poorly? I wouldn't stay in a marriage like that, and wouldn't stay in a friendship either. When it gets too much...it gets too much.

You gotta accept the small stuff, but repeated crap isn't worth fighting for. It is probably why I only have a very tiny number of true friends, and it's easy!

#4 PurplePaperFrog

Posted 25 January 2013 - 05:56 PM

For my very close friends (most of which are from my childhood) it is unconditional. But that's because I know them so well they are unlikely to change personalities and suddenly become people I don't love.

But I'm lucky to have my girls. It gives all of us such confidence and security knowing we'd all be there for each other no matter what.

#5 Cyaira

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:05 PM

I don't believe anything is ever truly unconditional. If your best friend started sleeping with your husband or you found out that they're a psychopath would you still be friends? There's always a line. To not have a line would be stupidity IMO.

That said, I have only a few really close friends and I would support them during hard times and I know they'd do the same back.

#6 Apageintime

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:06 PM

I have one freind unconditional, she could do anything and I'd still love her.

Anyone else there's a line, and its different for each person, some it could be posting urban legends on facebook (ie Asylum seekers get more welfare than pensioners) and some would have to do something serious, like run over my cat or something. Where that line is dpends on a range of factors.

#7 HollyOllyOxenfree

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:09 PM

Depends on the friend.

Disregarding the obvious big ones of finding out they're a murdered or a rapist or something equally awful, I have about three friends who can pretty much do nothing that would stop our friendship. They are definite warts and all friendships. All other friendships would have a line, but I don't think I'd know where the line was until I got to it

#8 ms flib

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:12 PM

I lost a close friend when I had PND. Her friendship was conditional ... it was incredibly hurtful.

She just wanted me to be cheery all the time.

#9 Oriental lily

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:17 PM

I personally don't think unconditional love/friendship exists between adults.

Edited by Oriental lily, 25 January 2013 - 06:18 PM.


#10 Coffeemagic

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:20 PM

I don't think unconditional love exists between families let alone friends.

#11 Nora.

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:25 PM

All of my relationships are conditional. Every single one.

#12 katpaws

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

One friend tried to involve me in her suicide by cop - after that i couldn't deal with her anymore, she was not apologetic at all and she caused me a lot of distress. She also (in her attempt at suicide by cop) did some alwful things, and she went beyond what i could accept. I had helped her through breakdowns and drug overdoses (etc) but at that point, it became too much.

I don't put conditions on my friendships but once people start dragging you down, then i think it is time to rethink the relationship.



#13 elizabethany

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:35 PM

QUOTE (Nora. @ 25/01/2013, 07:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
All of my relationships are conditional. Every single one.


This, but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't put up with a lot, just that I can't continually give to a person that I get nothing back from.

#14 Laborious Nicety

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:37 PM

Yep I'm with Nora.

#15 Ianthe

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:38 PM

I think there has to be a line. One friend I had to cut off. She was so negative and miserable and never thought she had anything to do with it.

#16 TheGreenSheep

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:41 PM

It's conditional. I have a certain amount of decency I expect people to treat me with.

I have differing amounts of contact with different friends. Some I don't speak to or see for a year and the next time we catch up we are amazing mates. Living interstate does get in the way from time to time.


#17 F1widow

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:45 PM

Conditional. Totally.

I'm a merciless friend culler. If the friendship becomes hard work then they are cut. Obviously, I don't mean if they're a close friend and they are going through something where support is required. I mean if they go from being a nice person to a prat, I just don't have time to agonise over what to say and how to tell them, I just cut ties.

I've actually recently reconnected with someone I cut a few years ago and we talked about it and she totally got it. I did say I was sorry if she was hurt by my cut off (coincided with our engagement party so it was clear she was cut) but I had my reasons.

#18 StopTheGoats

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:45 PM

QUOTE (Flylikeabutterfly @ 25/01/2013, 07:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think unconditional love exists between families let alone friends.


Agree.
The line is different depending on the friendship. There is virtually nothing my best mate could do that would make me not want to understand her. There are things that she might do which might make me renegotiate the unspoken terms of our friendship but I will always try to understand her.

To be frank, most people wouldn't have to do much to make me think "this is boring. I'd rather spend time with my family"

Edited by JuniorSpies, 25 January 2013 - 06:46 PM.


#19 JustBeige

Posted 25 January 2013 - 08:03 PM

I think there is a line, but it depends on the friendship and the person.

One persons 'line' is another ones 'meh'.

I think it more depends on whether you are actually compatible companions or opposites attract.

#20 Propaganda

Posted 25 January 2013 - 08:15 PM

Absolutely conditional.

My marriage is conditional. I wouldn't put up with affairs or abuse or any such thing for the man I married, why would I for friends?

I think the only person I offer unconditional love for is my child.

Some friends are worth more headaches than others, but there's not really a system in place that decided who is worth the effort and who isn't. Some I would put up with a lot more from than others, sometimes because I can see that they're worth more as friends than others, they have been through a lot and so I'm willing to let a lot slide, etc.

#21 ~~Cleopatra~~

Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:39 PM

QUOTE
Is there a line?


I just walked away from a friend who all but blatently accused me of trying to steal her partner. And not for the first time either. She does have issues which is why I put up with it for as long as I did but I'd had enough. She well and truely crossed the line. Anyone who really knows me knows damn well their man is safe with me.



#22 mad madam mim

Posted 26 January 2013 - 03:26 AM

There's a line, though it's rather far away, I can accept that my friends and I will not agree on every subject and will have differing opinions, but there are some things a friendship just can not come back from.

example: Friend enters into an affair and tries to use me as a cover (nope sorry friendship over)
another example: Friend starts using drugs (nope sorry, don't care who you are, drugs are a big big no no for me and I will cease all contact with you).

#23 FrogIsAFrogIsAFrog

Posted 26 January 2013 - 06:45 AM

Life's too short to put up with sh*t from people I don't have to.  Having said that, my tolerance is pretty high and I need to have some 'repeat offences' when it comes to culling a friendship - people do make mistakes, and treat others badly at times.  I would expect my friends to tolerate my dodginess at times, too!  Fortunately in my late 30s, I tend to make better friendship choices and my loony-attracting days seem to be over.  

I agree with what Propaganda said,
QUOTE
Some friends are worth more headaches than others, but there's not really a system in place that decided who is worth the effort and who isn't

Edited by FrogIsAFrogIsAFrog, 26 January 2013 - 06:46 AM.


#24 Jellyblush

Posted 26 January 2013 - 08:08 AM

QUOTE (HollyOllyOxenfree @ 25/01/2013, 07:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
All other friendships would have a line, but I don't think I'd know where the line was until I got to it



This.
I have friendships I would have sworn were unconditional, and then something happens that knocks you off your feet in disbelief, and you just can't continue.

The line for me has generally been - when I have needed a friend and they could have done something to help, but chose not to as it would have been an inconvenience to them. I go out of my way to nurture my friends all the time, and am generally pretty positive, so if I'm down, and say "hey, I need some support" and you're too busy - I just can't feel the same about you.

#25 soontobegran

Posted 26 January 2013 - 08:18 AM

Always conditional but I believe we create our own conditions.

I think all people have flaws and some are easily overlooked and some aren't. I am a believer in looking into why there are these flaws and working with them if they are not having a negative affect on my life because there is often an amazing but wounded person there.




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