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Tell me about having 2 kids....
26 replies to this topic
Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:36 AM
So, what was it like when you had #2? was it easier or harder than the adjustment from no baby to #1?
If we have #2 we will be looking at about a 3 year gap. Sometimes it feels like its a good idea (assuming health concerns addressed) but then we have a "bad" night of sleep etc and I wonder how I would deal with a newborn again and a toddler....
Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:48 AM
I personally found the adjustment from 1 to 2 easier than 0 to 1 (so much so that I'm even thinking about #3!!).
There are 27months between mine. My first was quite difficult so it took me quite a while to get my head around having another. We still had bad nights when I was pregnant & would think what are we doing?!?!
It's so daunting becoming a parent for the 1st time & so hard with all the what if's & how will I copes associated with first time parenting & I think that you are just naturally more relaxed second time round.
The first few weeks with any newborn are hard especially with a toddler to entertain but you get through that & it all seems to kind of work (most of the time anyway!! ) Thankfully #2 is a pretty cruisy baby & generally just slots in to what we've already got planned but we still have days where none of us are out of our PJ's before lunch!
Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:53 AM
I had a 3 year gap - pretty much exactly both October babies lol. I found it easy with that age gap. DD1 was old enough to do things herself, and help out. Turned out being good waiting that long as DD2 was shocking for 2 years. I found going 1 to 2 easy - DD2 just adapted to everything we did.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:54 AM
I have two kids my DS is 6 months and my DD is 2 1/2 and yes it is tough at times and sometimes you want to pull your hair out but it is doable. I would not change a thing and I am incredibly blessed that my DS fit into the family schedule almost right away.
Of course it was tough for the first couple of months I would not lie to you but it is worth it as you no doubt know by having your first. It does come together some people it takes a few months some may take longer but it does get easier as they age and right now I love the fact my DD dotes on her brother and it is cute and she loves to help out with things.
If you do have issues with your fertility given your child's age I would actually start TTC process and start the ball rolling as it can take time and get your levels checked etc so you have all the information to make a decision one way or the other.
Good luck and I wish nothing but the best for you.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:04 PM
We found it a huge adjustment. DD was a VERY easy baby and we were kind of shocked at how easy it all was and how small the adjustment was to our lives.
DS came along when DD was 2.5yo and a few months after that morphed into a 'turning 3 devil child'. DS was also a harder baby who wanted to be held a lot and hasnt always slept as well as DD.
I did find that with just 1 toddler I was cruising. I was never busy with cleaning, washing, shopping, cooking etc, loads of coffee with friends, playgrounds, visiting my mum, all that kind of stuff. Since DS was born, wow was the change huge. I just remember in those first 3 months being busier than I had been in years. From 7am until 8pm I did not stop for breath some days.
So yes we found the change huge but it is all good. My dh struggles a bit with the lack of flexibility and finds DS hard work but as a SAHM I was getting pretty bored. Now I am happily busy with the 2 of them. DD returned to being a normal child again after 3 and DS is a busy little thing so we have lots of fun out and about together.
I do find I am much more efficient than i was before which is a good thing. I had gotten lazy and would end up at the supermarket everyday or doing a load of washing here and there. Now I have a much more set weekly routine and actually end up spending less time doing housework, shopping etc. i certainly have less time for myself on the weekends but I expected that and look forward to a year from now when DD is at kindy and things calm down.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:15 PM
Some of it is easier, some of it is harder.
We had a 19mth age gap and its still very tough going at the moment. DD is only 3 months old but is very high maintenance at the moment. Dont get me wrong, having DS wasnt 'easy' as I still think the adjustment to 1 is harder - but its that I am stretched in so many different directions at the moment.
No longer do I have downtime, or ME time! Although I know this will come. Usually once (if!) they both sleep a the same time I run around the house like crazy trying to get at least something done. I dont even make housework a priority, but I find it makes me feel more human trying to accomplish something other than eating and going to the toilet
Everyone will have their own challenges. I find it easy going out with 2, my friend hates it.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:17 PM
way easier!!! I had 20 months between dd and ds, and ds was such an easy baby, and we were so confidant by then that we really didnt have any problems at all. We were all geared up for it to be hard then it was a piece of cake!
They are 4 and 2 now and its not a problem, in fact we are ttc number 3 at the moment. Its great watching how well they play together and how much love they have for each other, its not great when ds copies dds bad behaviour, or they gang up on you! lol They remind me of lion cubs, always rolling around jumping on ya...
Its probaly not gonna be as hard as you imagine it to be hey..
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:17 PM
I found going from 1 to 2 great. There was a three year gap and he just seemed to slot in. He seemed more settled and definitely slept better. I think feeling confident and relaxed from having number 1 really helps.
We had number 3 last year and he has been a breeze. He really does just fit in with what we are doing.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:24 PM
I had DD2 when DD1 was 3 and a half, and found the transition much easier than when i had my first, for starters, i was less stressed out about parenting, was much more laid back and not worried about every little thing as i knew i had done it before and DD1 survived! it was a bit difficult though getting used to a little person who needed attention 24/7 though, as DD1 was at an age where she was happy to play with her toys, 'read' her books etc on her own for a while, giving me a break to get things done.
However, it depends on the baby, my first 2 and a half months was very easy, DD2 did a lot of sleeping, but since then she has decided that i will never get a good nights sleep again and wont sleep for longer than three hours...EVER! so since then it has been exhausting. So i think it completely depends on the baby, and the way your family already functions, having 2 may be pushing it for one family but others do just fine with 5!
that said, if i were to have a third, i would wait till #2 was around 3 years old again, they just get things a lot more, they understand quiet time and things like that, i completely take my hat off to parents who have children close together, i don't know how they do it!
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:24 PM
I have a 3 year age gap between my two. I found it easier adjusting to 2 than what it was with my first. DS always wanted to be held as was always crying/sooky if he wasn't held then DD came along and she has been easy so far.
You just adjust no matter what the age gap is. DS loves DD!
A close friend of mine is pregnant with her 4th she will have 4 kids under 4 and a half years... I am in awe of her lol!!
Edited by Noah's mum, 25 January 2013 - 12:25 PM.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:27 PM
0-1 kid = hell on earth and a big adjustment
1-2 kid = piece of cake, it was just life as usual but a bit busier at the start
Second time around was so much better. And now its fantastic as they are 2 and 4 and entertain each other rather than rely on me for it all.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:28 PM
I believe it depends on the personality of the first child. My first kept me on my toes, and so I was really worried when everyone told me how hard having 2 would be. But child 2 was a bit of an angel child - did everything exactly the way she was meant to, slept well, blended into the routine. So much that it was pretty much the same as having 1. Probably only thing is child 1 got a bit more demanding again once child 2 came into view. Now they are 6 and 8 it is lovely to have 2 kids. When they are not pulling each others hair out, they do entertain each other well. I think having 2 for me was no different than having 1. Better even, as I'd done the baby thing before it all came a lot easier the second time around and I felt a lot more empowered when it came to things like night nurses at the hospital!
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:31 PM
This gives me hope too, I am 4 monthls pregnant with our second and our first son will be a month and a half shy of 2 when this one comes along. I feel relaxed and ready, unlike the first time where I was scared to death! Bring on number 2!
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:33 PM
Further to what PP said about it being dependant on the personality of the child, I think it also has to do with your attitude in general.
First time is scary, you have no idea what you are doing, you are learning and figuring it out as you go. Second time you know what to do, and the things that bothered you heaps with your first don't really seem to be such a big deal.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:33 PM
I think it depends on the personality of the child. If you have a laid-back child, who doesn't get worked up and scream all the time, then that is good. However, if you have two children who both have similar personalities and get angry (talking 6 year old) and the other one gets angry, then they start fighting and hitting each other - it is absolutely horrendous. Personalities are the big thing and you cannot do anything about what personalities they have genetically acquired.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:34 PM
0-1 was easy for us.
1-2 was a problem (22m gap). I ended up with PND as I kept on hearing how everyone else around me saying 2was easy and I was finding it really hard.
That being said I found 2-3 easy.
Basically going to 2 was learning more about time management and prioritisation. Once that was set in place it was easy to expand to three. Busy, but same concepts came into play.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:41 PM
We have an almost 3.5 year age gap, which I was disappointed by as I'd wanted only 2.5 years. I have to say, It's a lovely gap for the younger years. The older one could be trusted to amuse herself while I settled the baby and she was just so delighted to be a big sister -- almost three years later she still is and that's a huge bonus. They have played together since the younger was seven months old and crawling.
What nobody tells you about having the second child is the change to the relationship between you and the firstborn. Often the mother-first child relationship is really passionate and exclusive. Throwing another little person into the mix can leave the mother and the first child to realign their relationship, and that can be a bit heartbreaking but ultimately lovely.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 01:11 PM
I thought 1-2 was difficult, but I only had an 18mth gap. I found 0-1 hard too!
The biggest challenge for me, is that I enjoyed doing 'me' things with just one baby, like shopping or going out to lunch with a friend. But it was just too hard to do with two. Also, at 18mths, my eldest was just not able to walk holding hands or play on a playground by herself. The turning point for me was once my eldest was 2. Now that they are 18mths & 3 years, I want #3!
Posted 25 January 2013 - 01:20 PM
We have a gap of 2 year and 4 months between our two DS's and the first year of Ds 2's life is basically a blur to me. It was really really hard. Ds 2 was not a difficult baby either.
Having said that though Ds 1 was a fairly challenging toddler. He has food intolerance that we didn't pin down until he was nearly 4 and has now at 10 been diagnosed with ASD.
There are so many variables that will have an effect on how smoothly the transition goes op. Good luck with it all.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 01:36 PM
Much easier going from 1-2 than 0-1 - there are only 15 months between my two - DS just slotted right in - I definitely didn't get that newborn haze that I had with DD.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 01:40 PM
The logistics of a 2nd were a bit challenging (4.5 year gap) with school drop offs and having to drag the baby around.
My only issue going from 1-2 is the continual fighting between them as their personalities are like oil and water and do not mix at all.
I'm hoping like hell it gets better in time. Or the tween/teen years will see me committed somewhere.
Posted 25 January 2013 - 01:45 PM
I love bigger age gaps. We have a 4.8yr gap and it was perfect. Going from 1-2 was a breeze. DD was getting more and more independent and was at school.
I wouldn't cope with 2 at home though. I have no idea how people do a less than 2yr age gap.
If we ever go for #3 (not bloody likely) I'd want a 5+ year gap.
Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:32 PM
DD2 is only 6 weeks old but so far it's much easier. With DD1 I had no clue, I'd just sit on the couch with her day after day wondering why she was crying. Now I realise there is a feed-play-sleep cycle of 3-4 hrs so I just try to keep baby in that routine. DD2 has some reflux but this time I know exactly how to manage it and I just laugh at getting curdled milk puked on me at 3 am because I know she'll grow out of it by 3 months. I used to worry so much about topping up BF with formula and I would BF, then pump for months and I was exhausted. Now I just BF then FF and I know she'll be fine.
So far having 2 is easier than having the first baby, and also easier than having a toddler and being pregnant. Maybe it will get harder as baby gets older. I am more sleep deprived this time though, DD2 does her big sleeps in the daytime rather than the night.
I have an unintended 3 yr gap and fertility issues so if I have a third it will have to be soon. It's great that DD1 can feed, dress, toilet etc herself so that age gap turned out to be awesome.
Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:41 PM
I found 0 -1 hard because I had no idea what I was doing.
1-2 was hard because even though I had some idea what was going on, it felt like there was constantly someone who wanted my attention! At least when I just had DS when he was sleeping there was some timeout, but with 2 they rarely slept at the same time, and with my particular age gap (2y 2m) by the time things were getting into some sort of rhythm with DD DS was dropping his sleep anyway!
Posted 27 January 2013 - 03:55 PM
DS was born when DD was 2 years and 3 months old. It was hard work initially, with both of them being in nappies, DD at a demanding age, but there was no jealousy or anything like that. I did have a lot going on in my life for DS's first year which made things a lot harder so I can't really say how it was... I put a lot of it out of my mind. I know I was relying heavily on my mum for a lot of 2012 as I was severely depressed and unable to cope with taking care of the kids alone (single mum), it's hard work but now they can play together and keep each other entertained it's nice.
I have heard going from #2 to #3 is hard. 0-1 is the hardest though but again, I had PND so found that even harder.
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