Jump to content

Changing OB


  • Please log in to reply
13 replies to this topic

#1 Daisy1974

Posted 25 January 2013 - 09:36 AM

Hi all

Just after some advice and people’s thoughts as this is our first baby and not sure if my expectations are too high.  I am seeing a private OB and am currently 13 weeks pregnant.  I am pretty anxious about this pregnancy given all our losses and this is the furthest I have ever got.  

So far I have had 2 appointments with my OB and I am just not sure about her.  There is nothing wrong exactly it’s just something I can’t put my finger on.  She is heavily accented so at times I can’t 100% understand what she is saying and when I have tried to talk about my anxiety with this pregnancy given the other miscarriages she is not really that empathetic.  At my appointment this week because my uterus is reverted (or something like that) she couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat – and could only get a reading off the cord.  She said it was absolutely nothing to worry about it but it still upset me and when I got teary she didn’t even notice and when finally I asked for a tissue there was no empathy for how I was feeling and when I asked again if all was fine she just laughed and said yes.  She seems quite thorough and seems to know her stuff so I can’t complain about that.

So I guess what I am asking is am I expecting too much from an OB in regards to my anxiety and her levels of empathy or are most like that just factual and get on with the job with no fluff?  Plus, if I was too change doctors is it too late to change at 13 weeks?  Has anyone out there changed at this stage in their pregnancy?

TIA

#2 josh2003

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:01 AM

I don't know if there's a "right" answer for your question, but I'll tell you what happened with my last successful pregnancy.

We had TTC for nearly five years, and after many failed IVF attempts (I think it was 7 stim cycles!) we finally got a BFP. Problem was that I was bleeding fairly heavily, but somehow the baby managed to stay in place. At about 8 weeks I had a massive bleed and my FS told me I had a sub-chorionic hematoma (blood clot) next to the placenta, and that was what caused the big bleed. He also told me that if the clot remains smaller than the sac, then the outcome is usually good. So whilst I was still nervous, I was optimistic.

At 10 weeks, I went to see me new OB for the first time, and all he did was bang on about the blood clot, and that I could bleed out at any time and that I risked having a very pre-term baby.

He actually said to me, "I think it's best if you don't get too attached to this pregnancy". And then I lost it and started crying. My husband explained our infertility issues to him and told him it was too late to not get attached. Then he said to me, "Now don't go and tell everyone that I said you would miscarry, because that's not what I said, but people always only hear the negative..."

But when I asked him if the clot dissolved over time, would my risk reduce, he effectively knocked that on the head saying that I could still lose the baby at any time. So, even though I was trying to find some hope, he effectively took that away from me. So basically, he wasn't a very kind OB.

We continued to see him a couple of times, but each time I would come away crying, so finally my husband said that we can't keep going back to him and we should try and find someone else. By this stage, I was nearly 16 weeks, and it was way to late to try and get into another OB, but thankfully my SIL's good friend's husband is an OB, so she called him and got me in.

When I first saw the new OB, my husband and I kept asking about the clot, and he just checked me over and was fairly dismissive about it. Then he finally said that the reason he wasn't paying too much attention to it was because he wasn't really worried about it at all, and that if it was going to be a problem, it would have been evident by then.

This was the first day that I could start enjoying my pregnancy. And my new OB was fantastic all the way through my pregnancy and the delivery... very caring and empathetic.

As to whether you should change OBs, I'm not sure. I had a female OB for my first baby, and whilst she never did anything wrong, I certainly didn't click with her the way I did with my second. But yours seems a little cold or disengaged, and that would worry me a little bit, but honestly, you will be more involved with a midwife for delivery as the OB usually only pops in and out.

#3 Madnesscraves

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:08 AM

Well,

Some OBs lack bedside manners. I wouldn't like if my OB spoke to me like the way yours did, I'd be pretty upset!

Its difficult to find a new OB in the later stages, but It never hurts to ring around the hospitals and get numbers for OBS who practise there and see if there are any available. You might luck out and find another one. If there is any available go into for a visit and see if you're happy with them. I would expect my OB to put some effort into manners and show a caring side as I am paying them $$$$ to deliver my baby.


#4 Espoir

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:14 AM

In my opinion, start making calls to alternate OBs to make a change.

No way are you 'expecting too much'.  Having said that, you wont click the same way with every OB however, I can speak from experience that changing OBs at the 11 week mark was the best decision we made.  The first OB dismissed every question I had and by the time I reached the end of my list I stopped asking questions because I knew she wouldnt answer them.  Utterly unprofessional and, given I am paying steep dollars for the expertise, I wanted some kind of rapport and mutual respect with my OB.

If you are delivering at North Shore Private or Mater in Sydney
I can, without hesitation, give you a recommendation.

All the best - trust your instincts on this one.

#5 katpaws

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:17 AM

I am trying to remember when i changed OB, maybe halfway through? The reason i ended up on EB was that DH was concerned about the first OB and wanted us to change to another one, so we posted to ask if anyone had had this doctor and how they had found them as an OB. We found this OB very distant and dismissed our concerns about our first baby etc. An EB member gave us some information that gave us confidence to move to another OB, and we got recommendations on EB. The one we choose was fantastic, and gave us a totally different experience - a more positive one - and a better outcome. Yes it can be difficult changing mid stream but i think it is important that you have confidence in your OB and that you trust them. Certainly my OB was the best in terms of care and we are so thankful we changed.



#6 againagain

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:24 AM

I would find someone else. You certainly should be getting some empathy and reassurance.

If she makes you feel like crap now, she probably will for the whole pregnancy.

#7 Lucla

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:24 AM

I expect my OB (and he is) to be understanding and reassuring for all my worries and panics and stresses and I have never gone through any sort of loss. For someone who seems to have suffered loss the way you mentioned I think it would be important for you to feel comfortable, supported and reassured by your OB otherwise it is just going to cause further stress. So, you could see if you can get in with another OB and if that fails can you just say straight out to her (if you are brave enough) what you need and want and the way she has been is not helping you or making you feel better, its better than going the next 27 or so weeks and not ever feeling good about seeing her. I know for the full day after I see my OB and know everything is fine I feel so happy and relaxed, you should not feel stressed, anxious or upset.
I think some doctors in general just get so used to the same thing over and over and they reassure so many patients of the same thing they dont stop and think for you this is the first time and so it becomes second nature and they dont realise the way they are speaking to you or the stress it is causing.

Good Luck, I hope all goes well!!

#8 Rusky99

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:40 AM

QUOTE (Espoir @ 25/01/2013, 11:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you are delivering at North Shore Private or Mater in Sydney
I can, without hesitation, give you a recommendation.


If you are going to one of these hospitals, I am also happy to PM you with some info - both good and bad.

For my first pregnancy I saw an OB who delivers at the Mater.  At my 12 week scan, there was no heartbeat.  She was not sympathetic at all - the OB and her receptionist were just focused on getting the bill paid and getting me out of there as soon as possible.  Meanwhile I was crying while trying to sign a credit card payment slip.

As a result, when I became pregnant again, I changed OBs.  I also miscarried the second pregnany, bu the reaction when I had a scan with no heartbeat was so different.  Both the OB and midwife were focused on doing their best to comfort me.

When I became pregnant for a third time (the successful one), I didn't hesitate to go back to the second OB.

Changing was the best decision I made.

#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:42 AM

I am very anxious as well OP, I actually picked a straight talking OB who wouldn't take my anxiety crap.  At 13 weeks in my area you wouldn't get into another OB, but I would phone around and see you never know.  I guess the main thing is, is that I am comfortable with my OB, and I like he is straight forward if you are not comfortable with her then do look into other OB's if you can.

#10 Daisy1974

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:45 AM

Thank you all for your responses so far - I think I will do a ring and around and see if I can find someone else at this stage.

I am going to RPA in Sydney so if anyone has any recommendations I would love to hear from you via PM.

Thanks again

#11 Eirinn

Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:54 AM

I agree you should change if you are not comfortable with your care provider.

Just wanted to say that it is hard to hear a heartbeat via doppler at 13 weeks, whether or not you uterus is retroverted. Getting the cord sounds is fine, and they are able to extrapolate the heartrate from those cord sounds.

So it sounds like an insensitive OB is your only problem!

#12 KateElwood

Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:04 PM

I changed at 20 weeks.
I went from Dr 'Best In Town, Sorry What Was Your Name Again?' to a really nice, old school OB.
I should have left after he told me I wasnt pregnant twice while doing an internal scan at 6 weeks and then a follow up a week later.
He was looking at a blood clot - and told me it was an empty sac. As he was taking out the wand (for want of a better word) he nudged up against a pregnancy sac and with a heartbeat!!!! 'Oh sorry about that...'
That was the first of his stuff ups, lets just say.

Go with your instincts.

#13 Juju38

Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:27 PM

Hi Daisy

I have tried sending you a PM re my OB at RPA medical centre, who I am really happy with, but PMs are not working at my end.  If you like, can you try sending me a PM and I will try responding to it?

#14 Daisy1974

Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:30 PM

Juju

Thanks so much - I just sent you a PM.  Hopefully it is working from my end.

Cheers




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.