Jump to content

Have you ever asked for a second opinion?
Difficult surgery for DS coming up - want to make right decision


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 cactus

Posted 25 January 2013 - 08:45 AM

Morning.

After banging on about my son to the consultant for 2 years, we had a CT scan last week, and it shows he has a mass in a difficult place (ie near nerves/tiny area to work in).... I feel that I was pretty much dismissed as a worrier, but my own experiences of a very similar issue mean I knew what I was worrying about.

So, I have no qualms about their surgical skills, but I'm feeling a little more nervous than I would be already (ie out of my freaking mind).

I have knowledge of this medical area so immediately knew who to ask for a second opinion.

BUT there are pros and cons

Pros to our current surgeon:
Familiarity
V close to our home
Great anaesthetist
Very good reputation - esp. Paediatric

Cons
I no longer feel safe
The other surgeon has many years more experience - international reputation etc etc..


This all started in a private  hospital, and it will all break the bank anyway, so am beyond looking at the money side of it - I suspect the other surgeon is even more expensive, but we can borrow the money if necessary.

So, I knwo alot of this is about my own childhood experiences, and not feeling listened to. I know that keeping it local/familiar is in my son's interests, but wwyd?

Many thanks

Hates having to make life-changing-decisions-for-my-babies-Cactus

#2 Maple Leaf

Posted 25 January 2013 - 09:07 AM

Sure! I would ask for a second opinion definitely.

It will put your mind at ease to know that you have looked at every possible option and even if you remain with surgeon 1, you will know in your heart that you went with that decision with every single bit of knowledge available and have made a fully informed decision.

Knowledge is power, get a second opinion. original.gif

I don't put much stock in 'keeping it local', I much prefer going for the best outcome regardless of geography.

My mom went to another country to have surgery with the surgeon who actually invented the procedure she was having.
Geography means nothing in the grand scheme of medical care (in my opinion). original.gif


#3 CafeCat

Posted 25 January 2013 - 09:42 AM

On several occasions I have asked for a second and third opinion. In three very specific instances it has been vital. Listen to your intuition!

#4 Therese

Posted 25 January 2013 - 09:45 AM

I think if you have any concerns it is worth getting a second opinion.

#5 sad small umbrella

Posted 25 January 2013 - 10:58 AM

Second opinion.  And good luck!

#6 PinkSurvivor

Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:04 AM

Different situation but yes I got a second and third opinion. I got told twice I didn't have cancer thank god I listened to my gut and went to a third doctor seven months later or I don't think I'd still be around.
It never hurts to get a second or third opinion to ease anxiety, find out different treatment options or just to see which doctor you prefer.
Best of luck OP. it's normal to feel anxious at a time like this hhugs.gif

#7 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:59 AM

I'd get a 2nd opinion.  If in doubt, go the 2nd opinion.

QUOTE (Maple Leaf @ 25/01/2013, 09:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't put much stock in 'keeping it local', I much prefer going for the best outcome regardless of geography.

agree with this. Your child is better off getting the best possible treatment, where that happens is a secondary consideration (not to be ignored, because of the cost/logistics, but it's not the primary criteria for making the decision IYKWIM)

#8 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:06 PM

Yes, I would absolutely without a doubt get a second opinion.  


#9 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:14 PM

So you are going through this.

I agree with PPs, and talk to the new doctor.   It may be that the new doctor has exactly the same recommendations, and expresses every confidence in your old doctor and you decide to stay with him anyway.

#10 mmuc83

Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:18 PM

Definitely seek second, third, fourth opinions if necessary....

My dad went to 4 specialists, where one stated that he had mental problems, before he was found to have bladder cancer!

Go with your gut - but try and put your fears aside to get the best possible objective decision for you child.. hard i know... but it's worth having that extra piece of mind.

#11 IsolaBella

Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:23 PM

I went with a 2nd opinion on DS2s hearing.... All that did was confirm 1st opinion, but the I was not second guessing myself. I stayed with the original ENT.



#12 Jax12

Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:27 PM

Your pros and cons list seems to be more about if you actually went with the other surgeon.  Are there any cons for just seeking the second opinion?  It doesn't mean you have to go with them for the actual surgery - you can make that decision after the consultation...I would absolutely do it.

#13 notorico

Posted 25 January 2013 - 01:02 PM

Sorry to hear that OP.

Four years ago we found ourselves in a similar situation. We spent two years looking for answers while DS condition deteriorated. He finally had an MRI (pretty much to shut me up because specialists thought I was neurotic) and it showed a lesion in his brain stem. On the day of the MRI DS was a day or two away from brain death. The tumour itself was inoperable but he required other surgery to deal with pressure.

We ended up staying with the same hospital we were dealing with, and a whole team of experts joined the neurologist that was treating DS. We did however drop our paediatrician, because we felt she was more to blame. Whilst we felt let down by the neurologist we felt that now we knew what we were dealing with the team at our hospital provided the best care.

Having said that we have seen the best neurosurgeons around the country to confirm our treatment plan was the best option. Last year we changed surgeons, due to lack of confidence.

Getting a second opinion does not mean you have to change. We see our neurosurgeon regularly but we have also seen a world renowned brain tumour surgeon who we will consult again when the time is right and he is happy for us to keep seeing our own surgeon as well.

PM if you want to chat or if you think I can help in any way.

#14 cactus

Posted 25 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

Thank you so much everyone, I haven't been able to get back to the board til now..but did see some of the comments earlier...and have been having copies of info sent to the second surgeon for an appt on Tuesday.

Am still a little unnerved by the idea, but we'll see how it goes.

Just fyi, I wasn't talking about close to home being an imperative for me, just that for my son it was worth considering that he would be on familiar territory.

thanks again,

Cactus

#15 cactus

Posted 25 January 2013 - 03:45 PM

Sorry, did not see the second page  ohmy.gif

I hadn't thought about it purely in terms of "wwanothersurgeond?"..of course that's a worthwhile purpose in itself.

I guess I'm realy worried about offending the original doctor, but not so much that it's more important that my son's quality of life!

Last poster - I'm very sorry for your experience, must have been very harrowing, but I feel very reassured to know you (and others) have used extra opinions so much.

Cheers, and thanks again

Cactus

#16 Z-girls rock

Posted 25 January 2013 - 03:54 PM

yes.

I had one of the top neurosurgens in Sydney. But I thought he was not diagnosing me correctly and fobbing off my concerns and telling me I HAD to have symptoms that I didnt have but that I just HAD NOT NOTICED them Myself.... sure... sure.

this went on for about 3 years from when I was 15 until finally at 18 years old I asked for a second oppinion.

the second neurosurgen listened to me and diagnosed me correctly. She was brilliant.

I was young and it was hard to be assertive but so glad I did. Sometimes even the smartest person is not so great - not if they are not prepared to listen to their patients.

#17 capper

Posted 25 January 2013 - 03:55 PM

My son had major surgery in a small difficult place and around nerves.  I gotnansecond opinion and the doctor wanted to do a massive op, that the first doctor thought was unessecary and would cause lifelong issues.  So, we went back to the first.  Nice t have that option though.



#18 *cough*

Posted 25 January 2013 - 04:01 PM

Absolutely. I have a cyst in my brain and got a second opinion. I now feel very comfortable about my decision.

#19 cactus

Posted 25 January 2013 - 04:07 PM

The information you are all sharing is so useful, thank you so much.

It is so hard to get past how ANGRY I am, and tbh, I suddenly understand the urge to sue, just so that they GET what they've done/left us with. Not that I would, but I judge less.

Keep'em coming - all helpful!

Much-happier-than-this-morning-Cactus

#20 niggles

Posted 25 January 2013 - 04:08 PM

Yes. We got a second opinon after our daughter's surgeon changed his mind about operating on her hip. I didn't want to wait another year only to find it would suddenly become necessary again so needed another opinion to be sure.

#21 ani1

Posted 25 January 2013 - 04:13 PM

QUOTE
I'd get a 2nd opinion. If in doubt, go the 2nd opinion.


This, go for one if you are not confident and have doubts.

#22 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 26 January 2013 - 03:29 AM

QUOTE (Therese @ 25/01/2013, 07:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think if you have any concerns it is worth getting a second opinion.

This.

I have gotten 2nd opinions many times when I was not comfortable, even if just to put my mind at rest it was worth it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Twin brothers have become dads on the same day ? with their partners giving birth in the same hospital, and even the same birthing pool.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.