Jump to content

What's the worst thing to find out about someone after they've died?


  • Please log in to reply
34 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:24 PM

This week,  after doing a little family research,  I stumbled across a distant relative who had secretly married another woman and had a secret family that the rest of my family knew nothing about until he died.
It got me thinking about people leading double lives,  and people who have secrets that only come out once they've died.
What do you think would be the worst thing to discover about a loved one upon their death?   Has this ever happened to you?

#2 Maple Leaf

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:26 PM

Not me personally, but a family friend. Her father disappeared and presumed dead (fishing boat accident). Years later he was spotted in another state with another family. He had faked his death.

So, kind of not what you were asking, but it was really awful for her to find out someone wanted to get away so badly that they faked their death (and had loved ones mourn them and left their children/wife) and just started over.

She never got over it actually.

#3 librablonde

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:31 PM

I know someone whose DH died and after he died she discovered he had squandered absolutely every cent of their money without her knowledge. She was left grief stricken and penniless.

#4 aidensmum

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:31 PM

I be annoyed to find out that they had left their estate to charity instead of little old me. Tounge1.gif

#5 Peppery

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:33 PM

My great  great grandfather left my great great grandmother and 5 kids. Went on to have another family, the second family had no idea until my dad started doing family history and contacted them

#6 galba

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:34 PM


My grandfather, a highly-respected businessman had an affair with my mum's best friend and fathered a baby with her in the early 1960s.  She disappeared for 6 months, had the baby adopted and then came back.  My grandmother and mum knew nothing about it.   The secret only came out about 5 years ago after my grandmother died - they are still best friends to this day.  Her friend was only 18, he was 46.  My mum's regret is that she wasn't there to support her friend - we all suspect that he forced her to give up the baby.


#7 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:34 PM

I know of someone who attempted to fake his own death by leaving his clothes and wallet on a beach, but was found a week or so later.  It them came out that he was about to be charged with a very nasty crime.

#8 HRH Countrymel

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:36 PM

It wasn't 'the worst' and I actually found out before she died but it was just so sad, and explained so much about how she lived her life - but an elderly beloved spinster relative of mine admitted (through tears) that she had had an abortion in the 1930s.

This event shaped the whole rest of her life  and it broke my heart to think that she had felt she had to keep that secret alone for more than 70 years.



#9 bluecardigans

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:37 PM

This would have to be the worst

Nephew of Sir Jimmy Saville disgusted at allegations of sexual abuse

#10 RealityBites

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:38 PM

Paedophilia eg Jimmy Saville would be pretty bad.

Eta Snap DisplayAnemone.

Edited by RealityBites, 24 January 2013 - 05:39 PM.


#11 mum850

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:41 PM

A friend had to clean up her grandfather's house after he died. It turned out that he was  a cross dresser and had all sorts of weird sex equipment and stuff. Not the worst thing to find out by any means, but probably a bit of a shock.

#12 sāta kōrsa

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:43 PM

I'd agree with finding out about the worst of the worst crimes, paedophilia, rape, murder, etc.  Or if I found out they were a secret member of the KKK or similar group.



(Ed to make sense!)

Edited by ++----++, 24 January 2013 - 05:44 PM.


#13 FeralHez

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:44 PM

We found out after he'd passed that my grandfathers cancer was a lot worse than the family knew. Different kind of sad I guess.

#14 FiveAus

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

After my husbands grandmother died, he found out she'd been married 13 times.

And after his mother died (which was before I met him), he found out that his step-father (also deceased) wasn't the father to his youngest brother. Apparently the brother knew, but no one else did.

#15 FeralHez

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

Double post.

Edited by HezzaB, 24 January 2013 - 05:47 PM.


#16 RealityBites

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

QUOTE (++----++ @ 24/01/2013, 06:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd agree with finding out about the worst of the worst crimes, paedophilia, rape, murder, etc.  Or if I found out they were a secret member of the KKK or similar group.



(Ed to make sense!)


Sorry totally OT but I love your pic!

#17 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:51 PM

My Dad wasn't my biological dad

#18 sāta kōrsa

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

QUOTE (RealityBites @ 24/01/2013, 06:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry totally OT but I love your pic!

Thanks!  I can only dream about being a talented enough artist to capture such a tender moment.

#19 elmo_mum

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:03 PM

not really bad... but weird and horrible!!!

when my cousin was cleaning her g'mothers house after she passed, they found passport pics with horns and goatees on em -

she escaped nazi austria .. so explains a bit...

#20 ShamelesslyPooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:04 PM

I know a man who, after he died, 6 people came forward to say he had been their abuser. No doubt there were more. He had a bit of a public profile and apparently when he died, he was mentioned on the news/in newspapers and it was triggering for the victims, the poor things saw everyone gushing over what a lovely bloke he was and half a dozen felt compelled to tell the family what he had done, all independently, in case there were more victims including among the family. Turns out, there were victims among the family. Horrible.

I know someone else who found out after his death that a great grandfather "war hero" had never gone to war!

#21 andyk

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:02 PM

Found out on the of his funeral what a scumbag of a person my grandfather was. I knew some of it before but not all and the all was horrific.

#22 katpaws

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:13 PM

I found out that my grandma had been raped by her husband and my mother was the result, as well as finding out how much damage this caused three generations of women and how much my grandma suffered. My mother does not know.

#23 LibertyLady

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:24 PM

Not me but my ex.

When his Mum died, he found out that his Mum had been married before and that is older brother is his half brother. He could handle the fact his Mum had married before, but that they had different Dad's was a bit much for him.

He was about 32 and his brother about 40 when they found out.

#24 JustBeige

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

QUOTE (Dinah_Harris @ 24/01/2013, 06:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This week,  after doing a little family research,  I stumbled across a distant relative who had secretly married another woman and had a secret family that the rest of my family knew nothing about until he died.
It got me thinking about people leading double lives,  and people who have secrets that only come out once they've died.
What do you think would be the worst thing to discover about a loved one upon their death?   Has this ever happened to you?

About  40years ago, a close friend of my mums found out, about a month before her mum died, that she was adopted. She came across some papers when doing a clean up of her mums place.  Unfortunately they had no extra identifying information on them.  A lot of family behaviours all started to make sense when she found these papers.
She spent the month seriously distressed and asking her mum - at least daily - questions about it and her mother with her dying breath told her that the papers were false (they werent) and denied she was adopted.   She never found out any information about herself as her mother changed her name completely and she wasnt able to find any other information.    She was absolutely gutted and there was no other aunts or uncles or cousins left that she could ask.   She also went to her grave never knowing who she was or if she had any siblings.

Just so wrong and so damn sad

Edited by JustBeige, 24 January 2013 - 07:40 PM.


#25 Propaganda

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:34 PM

That they were not who I thought they were, but in a really bad way. Like they were secretly a serial rapist, when I had loved them and thought they were near perfect. I would just be so furious and hurt, but I wouldn't have anyone to direct that anger at.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about ovulation tests

Most people who are trying to get pregnant know that the best time to conceive is in the few days after ovulation.

Surviving a miscarriage at sea

A cruise with your family is among the most absurd settings for a miscarriage, but it is certainly not the worst.

Mum of three denied tubal ligation because she's 'too young'

A 22-year-old woman who is pregnant with her third child has had her requests for a tubal ligation denied because doctors believe she is too young.

Slapped cheek syndrome a danger for pregnant women

When a pregnant woman is infected, the likelihood that her foetus will be infected is about 50 per cent.

The signs and symptoms of ovulation

If you're hoping to conceive, one of the most important things you need to know about is ovulation.

We all know 'mum guilt' - but what about 'dad guilt'?

I remember the first time I felt mum guilt, within days of having my first child. The feeling was so intense I rang my own mum to debrief, hoping she'd tell me I wouldn't feel this way very often.

Kristen Bell urges mums to be their own superhero

When it comes to motherhood, actress Kristen Bell is her own superhero and she thinks other mums should be too.

Pram review: GB Pockit travel stroller

In a world of ever-shrinking gadgets, it's no surprise prams are getting smaller. We put the record-holding GB Pockit through its paces.

The beautiful Bombol Bouncer is back

The gorgeous Bombol Bouncer is back - and boasts two chic new colours to boot.

Gadgets and accessories for wine lovers

Looking for a gift for the wine lover in your life - or just something for yourself?

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The adventure doesn't have to stop: here's how to travel with baby

The best part about our outdoor adventures? It makes my husband and I better parents, since we're happier while adventuring.

Woman crashes car to save mum and baby's life

A good samaritan saved a mother and baby from being seriously injured by crashing her own car into theirs.

Should you tell your boss about your postnatal depression?

Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting, and when you're experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety it can seem even more overwhelming.

TV noise can slow toddler word learning, study finds

Background noise from the radio or TV might be making it harder for your toddler to learn learn new words.

Teresa Palmer on her molar pregnancy and 'unsexy' conception

Teresa Palmer is basking in pregnancy glow as she awaits the arrival of her new baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.