Jump to content

What's the worst thing to find out about someone after they've died?


  • Please log in to reply
34 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:24 PM

This week,  after doing a little family research,  I stumbled across a distant relative who had secretly married another woman and had a secret family that the rest of my family knew nothing about until he died.
It got me thinking about people leading double lives,  and people who have secrets that only come out once they've died.
What do you think would be the worst thing to discover about a loved one upon their death?   Has this ever happened to you?

#2 Maple Leaf

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:26 PM

Not me personally, but a family friend. Her father disappeared and presumed dead (fishing boat accident). Years later he was spotted in another state with another family. He had faked his death.

So, kind of not what you were asking, but it was really awful for her to find out someone wanted to get away so badly that they faked their death (and had loved ones mourn them and left their children/wife) and just started over.

She never got over it actually.

#3 librablonde

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:31 PM

I know someone whose DH died and after he died she discovered he had squandered absolutely every cent of their money without her knowledge. She was left grief stricken and penniless.

#4 aidensmum

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:31 PM

I be annoyed to find out that they had left their estate to charity instead of little old me. Tounge1.gif

#5 Peppery

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:33 PM

My great  great grandfather left my great great grandmother and 5 kids. Went on to have another family, the second family had no idea until my dad started doing family history and contacted them

#6 galba

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:34 PM


My grandfather, a highly-respected businessman had an affair with my mum's best friend and fathered a baby with her in the early 1960s.  She disappeared for 6 months, had the baby adopted and then came back.  My grandmother and mum knew nothing about it.   The secret only came out about 5 years ago after my grandmother died - they are still best friends to this day.  Her friend was only 18, he was 46.  My mum's regret is that she wasn't there to support her friend - we all suspect that he forced her to give up the baby.


#7 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:34 PM

I know of someone who attempted to fake his own death by leaving his clothes and wallet on a beach, but was found a week or so later.  It them came out that he was about to be charged with a very nasty crime.

#8 HRH Countrymel

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:36 PM

It wasn't 'the worst' and I actually found out before she died but it was just so sad, and explained so much about how she lived her life - but an elderly beloved spinster relative of mine admitted (through tears) that she had had an abortion in the 1930s.

This event shaped the whole rest of her life  and it broke my heart to think that she had felt she had to keep that secret alone for more than 70 years.



#9 bluecardigans

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:37 PM

This would have to be the worst

Nephew of Sir Jimmy Saville disgusted at allegations of sexual abuse

#10 RealityBites

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:38 PM

Paedophilia eg Jimmy Saville would be pretty bad.

Eta Snap DisplayAnemone.

Edited by RealityBites, 24 January 2013 - 05:39 PM.


#11 mum850

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:41 PM

A friend had to clean up her grandfather's house after he died. It turned out that he was  a cross dresser and had all sorts of weird sex equipment and stuff. Not the worst thing to find out by any means, but probably a bit of a shock.

#12 sāta kōrsa

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:43 PM

I'd agree with finding out about the worst of the worst crimes, paedophilia, rape, murder, etc.  Or if I found out they were a secret member of the KKK or similar group.



(Ed to make sense!)

Edited by ++----++, 24 January 2013 - 05:44 PM.


#13 FeralHez

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:44 PM

We found out after he'd passed that my grandfathers cancer was a lot worse than the family knew. Different kind of sad I guess.

#14 FiveAus

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

After my husbands grandmother died, he found out she'd been married 13 times.

And after his mother died (which was before I met him), he found out that his step-father (also deceased) wasn't the father to his youngest brother. Apparently the brother knew, but no one else did.

#15 FeralHez

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

Double post.

Edited by HezzaB, 24 January 2013 - 05:47 PM.


#16 RealityBites

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

QUOTE (++----++ @ 24/01/2013, 06:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd agree with finding out about the worst of the worst crimes, paedophilia, rape, murder, etc.  Or if I found out they were a secret member of the KKK or similar group.



(Ed to make sense!)


Sorry totally OT but I love your pic!

#17 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:51 PM

My Dad wasn't my biological dad

#18 sāta kōrsa

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

QUOTE (RealityBites @ 24/01/2013, 06:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry totally OT but I love your pic!

Thanks!  I can only dream about being a talented enough artist to capture such a tender moment.

#19 elmo_mum

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:03 PM

not really bad... but weird and horrible!!!

when my cousin was cleaning her g'mothers house after she passed, they found passport pics with horns and goatees on em -

she escaped nazi austria .. so explains a bit...

#20 Feral_Pooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:04 PM

I know a man who, after he died, 6 people came forward to say he had been their abuser. No doubt there were more. He had a bit of a public profile and apparently when he died, he was mentioned on the news/in newspapers and it was triggering for the victims, the poor things saw everyone gushing over what a lovely bloke he was and half a dozen felt compelled to tell the family what he had done, all independently, in case there were more victims including among the family. Turns out, there were victims among the family. Horrible.

I know someone else who found out after his death that a great grandfather "war hero" had never gone to war!

#21 andyk

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:02 PM

Found out on the of his funeral what a scumbag of a person my grandfather was. I knew some of it before but not all and the all was horrific.

#22 katpaws

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:13 PM

I found out that my grandma had been raped by her husband and my mother was the result, as well as finding out how much damage this caused three generations of women and how much my grandma suffered. My mother does not know.

#23 LibertyLady

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:24 PM

Not me but my ex.

When his Mum died, he found out that his Mum had been married before and that is older brother is his half brother. He could handle the fact his Mum had married before, but that they had different Dad's was a bit much for him.

He was about 32 and his brother about 40 when they found out.

#24 JustBeige

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

QUOTE (Dinah_Harris @ 24/01/2013, 06:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This week,  after doing a little family research,  I stumbled across a distant relative who had secretly married another woman and had a secret family that the rest of my family knew nothing about until he died.
It got me thinking about people leading double lives,  and people who have secrets that only come out once they've died.
What do you think would be the worst thing to discover about a loved one upon their death?   Has this ever happened to you?

About  40years ago, a close friend of my mums found out, about a month before her mum died, that she was adopted. She came across some papers when doing a clean up of her mums place.  Unfortunately they had no extra identifying information on them.  A lot of family behaviours all started to make sense when she found these papers.
She spent the month seriously distressed and asking her mum - at least daily - questions about it and her mother with her dying breath told her that the papers were false (they werent) and denied she was adopted.   She never found out any information about herself as her mother changed her name completely and she wasnt able to find any other information.    She was absolutely gutted and there was no other aunts or uncles or cousins left that she could ask.   She also went to her grave never knowing who she was or if she had any siblings.

Just so wrong and so damn sad

Edited by JustBeige, 24 January 2013 - 07:40 PM.


#25 Propaganda

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:34 PM

That they were not who I thought they were, but in a really bad way. Like they were secretly a serial rapist, when I had loved them and thought they were near perfect. I would just be so furious and hurt, but I wouldn't have anyone to direct that anger at.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Welcome to Winter

Now that the colder months are here, Essential Baby as all the information you need for staying healthy and happy during the chilly season.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.