Jump to content

What's the worst thing to find out about someone after they've died?


  • Please log in to reply
34 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:24 PM

This week,  after doing a little family research,  I stumbled across a distant relative who had secretly married another woman and had a secret family that the rest of my family knew nothing about until he died.
It got me thinking about people leading double lives,  and people who have secrets that only come out once they've died.
What do you think would be the worst thing to discover about a loved one upon their death?   Has this ever happened to you?

#2 Maple Leaf

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:26 PM

Not me personally, but a family friend. Her father disappeared and presumed dead (fishing boat accident). Years later he was spotted in another state with another family. He had faked his death.

So, kind of not what you were asking, but it was really awful for her to find out someone wanted to get away so badly that they faked their death (and had loved ones mourn them and left their children/wife) and just started over.

She never got over it actually.

#3 librablonde

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:31 PM

I know someone whose DH died and after he died she discovered he had squandered absolutely every cent of their money without her knowledge. She was left grief stricken and penniless.

#4 aidensmum

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:31 PM

I be annoyed to find out that they had left their estate to charity instead of little old me. Tounge1.gif

#5 Peppery

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:33 PM

My great  great grandfather left my great great grandmother and 5 kids. Went on to have another family, the second family had no idea until my dad started doing family history and contacted them

#6 galba

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:34 PM


My grandfather, a highly-respected businessman had an affair with my mum's best friend and fathered a baby with her in the early 1960s.  She disappeared for 6 months, had the baby adopted and then came back.  My grandmother and mum knew nothing about it.   The secret only came out about 5 years ago after my grandmother died - they are still best friends to this day.  Her friend was only 18, he was 46.  My mum's regret is that she wasn't there to support her friend - we all suspect that he forced her to give up the baby.


#7 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:34 PM

I know of someone who attempted to fake his own death by leaving his clothes and wallet on a beach, but was found a week or so later.  It them came out that he was about to be charged with a very nasty crime.

#8 CountryFeral

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:36 PM

It wasn't 'the worst' and I actually found out before she died but it was just so sad, and explained so much about how she lived her life - but an elderly beloved spinster relative of mine admitted (through tears) that she had had an abortion in the 1930s.

This event shaped the whole rest of her life  and it broke my heart to think that she had felt she had to keep that secret alone for more than 70 years.



#9 bluecardigans

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:37 PM

This would have to be the worst

Nephew of Sir Jimmy Saville disgusted at allegations of sexual abuse

#10 RealityBites

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:38 PM

Paedophilia eg Jimmy Saville would be pretty bad.

Eta Snap DisplayAnemone.

Edited by RealityBites, 24 January 2013 - 05:39 PM.


#11 mum850

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:41 PM

A friend had to clean up her grandfather's house after he died. It turned out that he was  a cross dresser and had all sorts of weird sex equipment and stuff. Not the worst thing to find out by any means, but probably a bit of a shock.

#12 sāta kōrsa

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:43 PM

I'd agree with finding out about the worst of the worst crimes, paedophilia, rape, murder, etc.  Or if I found out they were a secret member of the KKK or similar group.



(Ed to make sense!)

Edited by ++----++, 24 January 2013 - 05:44 PM.


#13 FeralHez

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:44 PM

We found out after he'd passed that my grandfathers cancer was a lot worse than the family knew. Different kind of sad I guess.

#14 FiveAus

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

After my husbands grandmother died, he found out she'd been married 13 times.

And after his mother died (which was before I met him), he found out that his step-father (also deceased) wasn't the father to his youngest brother. Apparently the brother knew, but no one else did.

#15 FeralHez

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

Double post.

Edited by HezzaB, 24 January 2013 - 05:47 PM.


#16 RealityBites

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

QUOTE (++----++ @ 24/01/2013, 06:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd agree with finding out about the worst of the worst crimes, paedophilia, rape, murder, etc.  Or if I found out they were a secret member of the KKK or similar group.



(Ed to make sense!)


Sorry totally OT but I love your pic!

#17 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:51 PM

My Dad wasn't my biological dad

#18 sāta kōrsa

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

QUOTE (RealityBites @ 24/01/2013, 06:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry totally OT but I love your pic!

Thanks!  I can only dream about being a talented enough artist to capture such a tender moment.

#19 elmo_mum

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:03 PM

not really bad... but weird and horrible!!!

when my cousin was cleaning her g'mothers house after she passed, they found passport pics with horns and goatees on em -

she escaped nazi austria .. so explains a bit...

#20 Feral_Pooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:04 PM

I know a man who, after he died, 6 people came forward to say he had been their abuser. No doubt there were more. He had a bit of a public profile and apparently when he died, he was mentioned on the news/in newspapers and it was triggering for the victims, the poor things saw everyone gushing over what a lovely bloke he was and half a dozen felt compelled to tell the family what he had done, all independently, in case there were more victims including among the family. Turns out, there were victims among the family. Horrible.

I know someone else who found out after his death that a great grandfather "war hero" had never gone to war!

#21 andyk

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:02 PM

Found out on the of his funeral what a scumbag of a person my grandfather was. I knew some of it before but not all and the all was horrific.

#22 katpaws

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:13 PM

I found out that my grandma had been raped by her husband and my mother was the result, as well as finding out how much damage this caused three generations of women and how much my grandma suffered. My mother does not know.

#23 LibertyLady

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:24 PM

Not me but my ex.

When his Mum died, he found out that his Mum had been married before and that is older brother is his half brother. He could handle the fact his Mum had married before, but that they had different Dad's was a bit much for him.

He was about 32 and his brother about 40 when they found out.

#24 JustBeige

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

QUOTE (Dinah_Harris @ 24/01/2013, 06:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This week,  after doing a little family research,  I stumbled across a distant relative who had secretly married another woman and had a secret family that the rest of my family knew nothing about until he died.
It got me thinking about people leading double lives,  and people who have secrets that only come out once they've died.
What do you think would be the worst thing to discover about a loved one upon their death?   Has this ever happened to you?

About  40years ago, a close friend of my mums found out, about a month before her mum died, that she was adopted. She came across some papers when doing a clean up of her mums place.  Unfortunately they had no extra identifying information on them.  A lot of family behaviours all started to make sense when she found these papers.
She spent the month seriously distressed and asking her mum - at least daily - questions about it and her mother with her dying breath told her that the papers were false (they werent) and denied she was adopted.   She never found out any information about herself as her mother changed her name completely and she wasnt able to find any other information.    She was absolutely gutted and there was no other aunts or uncles or cousins left that she could ask.   She also went to her grave never knowing who she was or if she had any siblings.

Just so wrong and so damn sad

Edited by JustBeige, 24 January 2013 - 07:40 PM.


#25 Propaganda

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:34 PM

That they were not who I thought they were, but in a really bad way. Like they were secretly a serial rapist, when I had loved them and thought they were near perfect. I would just be so furious and hurt, but I wouldn't have anyone to direct that anger at.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How I learnt to relax about routines

After many routine-led, tough years, we've realised that being parenting isn't about being perfect. It isn't about following a schedule to a T.

Should you have a third child or not?

I thought our family had been complete with our two boys. I had no idea how much I needed my daughter until she was here.

Helping a toddler embrace an adopted sibling

A single parent by choice, I am preparing to adopt a second baby from Morocco. And I face a special challenge.

When pregnancy messes with your self-esteem

Pregnancy doesn't make all women feel beautiful. It certainly doesn't raise every woman's self-esteem.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Robbie Williams live tweets wife's labour

And the award for most patient woman in labour goes to ... Robbie Williams' wife, Ayda Field.

Vaccine ignorance is deadly and contagious

In the absence of credible, strong political leadership, paranoia about disease can go viral.

Parenting differently based on birth order

All children have unique personalities, but keeping birth order in mind could help when parenting.

How to get rid of the mum guilt

Motherhood and guilt seem to go hand in hand, but there are ways to focus

Paid parental leave scheme grinds to a halt

The future of Prime Minister Tony Abbott's paid parental leave scheme appears to be up in the air, despite the fact it is due to begin in less than nine months.

The devastation of foetal alcohol spectrum disorders

No one's sure how many Australians are affected by foetal alcohol spectrum disorders, but the consequences for those who are can be devastating.

The pros and cons of finding out the sex of your unborn baby

It’s often one of the biggest choices parents make during the course of their pregnancy; to find out, or not to find out, the sex of their baby before it’s born.

Toddler's awesome dress up month

Two-year-old Willow and her photographer mum, Gina Lee, made October "Dress Up Willow Month". She posted photos of Willow's costumes on her Instagram account, and her creative takes on popular culture are simply adorable.

Childhood around the world

It can be easy to assume our ideas around childhood are universal, but they are particular to where we live, as these practices show.

Best picks for baby and toddler shoes

Here's a great selection of footwear from pre-walker to walker ensuring comfort and style for growing feet.

I lost my wife and daughters to Ebola - then it came for my son

Sunday, September 21, is a day I will never forget.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss. It involves toilet talk, and probably caused my miscarriage. But it needs to be talked about.

Prenatal testing: the facts

Prenatal testing is done to check if a baby has certain medical conditions before birth. Here is some important information about what the tests are for and the risks involved.

5 things to do with your baby?s old clothes

Did you think your only option for your baby?s old clothes was to pack them away or give them to the Salvos? Think again.

Why it's possible to not realise you're pregnant until the baby arrives

After hearing about 'surprise babies' born to mums who didn't know they were pregnant, it's common to ask "how did she not realise?" But experts say it's entirely possible for it to happen.

'My miracle is finally here'

How has the world continued on its pace when mine has been altered so drastically?

Dairy can help older women fall pregnant: study

Ice cream may be the ultimate comfort food, but a study suggests it could also help older women to have children.

Megan Gale goes topless for 'sexiest people' cover

Six months after a heavily pregnant Megan Gale posed nude for Marie Claire, the glowing new mum has gone topless for the cover of another magazine.

A new perspective on life from living with two diseases

A mother shares her personal story about the difficulty of living with two conditions, one of which stops her from being able to see her daughter's face.

Warning about Children's Panadol dosage

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has issued a safety advisory warning parents about confusion when using the dosing syringe supplied with Children's Panadol.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Take 'The Coles Big Nappy Change' Challenge

You could become part of our Test Drive team and win one of 200 packs of Coles Little Explorer Nappies as part of our 5-day challenge.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Weird trend

Couple has five babies in 14 months

Julie and David Grygla weren't sure they'd ever have kids - but their dreams have now well and truly come true.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.