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What's the worst thing to find out about someone after they've died?


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#1 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:24 PM

This week,  after doing a little family research,  I stumbled across a distant relative who had secretly married another woman and had a secret family that the rest of my family knew nothing about until he died.
It got me thinking about people leading double lives,  and people who have secrets that only come out once they've died.
What do you think would be the worst thing to discover about a loved one upon their death?   Has this ever happened to you?

#2 Maple Leaf

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:26 PM

Not me personally, but a family friend. Her father disappeared and presumed dead (fishing boat accident). Years later he was spotted in another state with another family. He had faked his death.

So, kind of not what you were asking, but it was really awful for her to find out someone wanted to get away so badly that they faked their death (and had loved ones mourn them and left their children/wife) and just started over.

She never got over it actually.

#3 librablonde

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:31 PM

I know someone whose DH died and after he died she discovered he had squandered absolutely every cent of their money without her knowledge. She was left grief stricken and penniless.

#4 aidensmum

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:31 PM

I be annoyed to find out that they had left their estate to charity instead of little old me. Tounge1.gif

#5 Peppery

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:33 PM

My great  great grandfather left my great great grandmother and 5 kids. Went on to have another family, the second family had no idea until my dad started doing family history and contacted them

#6 galba

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:34 PM


My grandfather, a highly-respected businessman had an affair with my mum's best friend and fathered a baby with her in the early 1960s.  She disappeared for 6 months, had the baby adopted and then came back.  My grandmother and mum knew nothing about it.   The secret only came out about 5 years ago after my grandmother died - they are still best friends to this day.  Her friend was only 18, he was 46.  My mum's regret is that she wasn't there to support her friend - we all suspect that he forced her to give up the baby.


#7 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:34 PM

I know of someone who attempted to fake his own death by leaving his clothes and wallet on a beach, but was found a week or so later.  It them came out that he was about to be charged with a very nasty crime.

#8 HRH Countrymel

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:36 PM

It wasn't 'the worst' and I actually found out before she died but it was just so sad, and explained so much about how she lived her life - but an elderly beloved spinster relative of mine admitted (through tears) that she had had an abortion in the 1930s.

This event shaped the whole rest of her life  and it broke my heart to think that she had felt she had to keep that secret alone for more than 70 years.



#9 Displayanome

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:37 PM

This would have to be the worst

Nephew of Sir Jimmy Saville disgusted at allegations of sexual abuse

#10 RealityBites

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:38 PM

Paedophilia eg Jimmy Saville would be pretty bad.

Eta Snap DisplayAnemone.

Edited by RealityBites, 24 January 2013 - 05:39 PM.


#11 mum850

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:41 PM

A friend had to clean up her grandfather's house after he died. It turned out that he was  a cross dresser and had all sorts of weird sex equipment and stuff. Not the worst thing to find out by any means, but probably a bit of a shock.

#12 sāta kōrsa

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:43 PM

I'd agree with finding out about the worst of the worst crimes, paedophilia, rape, murder, etc.  Or if I found out they were a secret member of the KKK or similar group.



(Ed to make sense!)

Edited by ++----++, 24 January 2013 - 05:44 PM.


#13 FeralHez

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:44 PM

We found out after he'd passed that my grandfathers cancer was a lot worse than the family knew. Different kind of sad I guess.

#14 FiveAus

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

After my husbands grandmother died, he found out she'd been married 13 times.

And after his mother died (which was before I met him), he found out that his step-father (also deceased) wasn't the father to his youngest brother. Apparently the brother knew, but no one else did.

#15 FeralHez

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

Double post.

Edited by HezzaB, 24 January 2013 - 05:47 PM.


#16 RealityBites

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:45 PM

QUOTE (++----++ @ 24/01/2013, 06:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd agree with finding out about the worst of the worst crimes, paedophilia, rape, murder, etc.  Or if I found out they were a secret member of the KKK or similar group.



(Ed to make sense!)


Sorry totally OT but I love your pic!

#17 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:51 PM

My Dad wasn't my biological dad

#18 sāta kōrsa

Posted 24 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

QUOTE (RealityBites @ 24/01/2013, 06:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry totally OT but I love your pic!

Thanks!  I can only dream about being a talented enough artist to capture such a tender moment.

#19 elmo_mum

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:03 PM

not really bad... but weird and horrible!!!

when my cousin was cleaning her g'mothers house after she passed, they found passport pics with horns and goatees on em -

she escaped nazi austria .. so explains a bit...

#20 Prioritising Pooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:04 PM

I know a man who, after he died, 6 people came forward to say he had been their abuser. No doubt there were more. He had a bit of a public profile and apparently when he died, he was mentioned on the news/in newspapers and it was triggering for the victims, the poor things saw everyone gushing over what a lovely bloke he was and half a dozen felt compelled to tell the family what he had done, all independently, in case there were more victims including among the family. Turns out, there were victims among the family. Horrible.

I know someone else who found out after his death that a great grandfather "war hero" had never gone to war!

#21 andyk

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:02 PM

Found out on the of his funeral what a scumbag of a person my grandfather was. I knew some of it before but not all and the all was horrific.

#22 katpaws

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:13 PM

I found out that my grandma had been raped by her husband and my mother was the result, as well as finding out how much damage this caused three generations of women and how much my grandma suffered. My mother does not know.

#23 LibertyLady

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:24 PM

Not me but my ex.

When his Mum died, he found out that his Mum had been married before and that is older brother is his half brother. He could handle the fact his Mum had married before, but that they had different Dad's was a bit much for him.

He was about 32 and his brother about 40 when they found out.

#24 JustBeige

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

QUOTE (Dinah_Harris @ 24/01/2013, 06:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This week,  after doing a little family research,  I stumbled across a distant relative who had secretly married another woman and had a secret family that the rest of my family knew nothing about until he died.
It got me thinking about people leading double lives,  and people who have secrets that only come out once they've died.
What do you think would be the worst thing to discover about a loved one upon their death?   Has this ever happened to you?

About  40years ago, a close friend of my mums found out, about a month before her mum died, that she was adopted. She came across some papers when doing a clean up of her mums place.  Unfortunately they had no extra identifying information on them.  A lot of family behaviours all started to make sense when she found these papers.
She spent the month seriously distressed and asking her mum - at least daily - questions about it and her mother with her dying breath told her that the papers were false (they werent) and denied she was adopted.   She never found out any information about herself as her mother changed her name completely and she wasnt able to find any other information.    She was absolutely gutted and there was no other aunts or uncles or cousins left that she could ask.   She also went to her grave never knowing who she was or if she had any siblings.

Just so wrong and so damn sad

Edited by JustBeige, 24 January 2013 - 07:40 PM.


#25 Propaganda

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:34 PM

That they were not who I thought they were, but in a really bad way. Like they were secretly a serial rapist, when I had loved them and thought they were near perfect. I would just be so furious and hurt, but I wouldn't have anyone to direct that anger at.




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