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Does an irratonal desire for another child go away...
or does it just become regret?

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62 replies to this topic

#1 riva99

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:31 PM

I have 2 amazing, happy, healthy, busy boys. 2 children is a good number for us. It suits our finances, our home and our lifestyle. Dh and I have decided we won't have any more children.

A part from a really strong desire to, I can't think of any reason to have another.

But I want one! (Pouting, foot stomping) I can't explain why. I'm usually a very rational person but not about this. It makes no sense.

I am hoping that once the boys get to school and I get more time to focus on other things (career, hobbies, travel) that the desire will fade. By then I will probably be too old to have any more so the decision will be made.

So does it?

#2 **Xena**

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

It sort of does.

I have 3 and my DH and I decided that was it for us. The desire for more still comes and goes with me though. Sometimes I am glad because I can move onto a different part of my life- focussing on a career, my hobbies and enjoying my kids becoming more independent. Other times I am sad that I will never do it all again; especilly when DH and I are so damn good at making awesome kids tongue.gif

#3 CupOfCoffee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:35 PM

I can't answer you.  But we have two, and we have decided not to have any more.  For us, it is a logical choice to stop at 2, but I just have this desire to have one more.

So I hope it goes away, because like you, there is no reason or argument for why I want more... I just do.

#4 SuboptimallyPooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:38 PM

Is there ever a reason for having kids other than wanting them?

#5 mummabear

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:39 PM

I didn't think it ever would, I have been swooning over babies since I was a child.

But then it happened, and suddenly the thought of another baby just fills me with horror.

There is hope!

#6 CupOfCoffee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:40 PM

QUOTE (Pooks_ @ 24/01/2013, 02:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is there ever a reason for having kids other than wanting them?

laugh.gif This is true

I guess the reasons why we shouldn't have more outweigh the 'just want them' side of the argument.

#7 Tall Poppy

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:41 PM

I'll be watching the replies closely. I worry I'm going to become bitter about not having another child.

I think Pooks is right though.

#8 Boombox

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:42 PM

I don't think it does for some people. I for one would love a fourth. I love being pregnant, don't mind labour, love BF, and it makes me weep my babies are all growing up.

But rational me knows it's not feasible, and I have to live with that. Same as I wanted a pony when I was growing up and would keen in a crazy person way until my dad would shout at me. I eventually (years later) accepted I was never to have a pony.   sad.gif  Life goes on!

ETA I just noticed you asked if it becomes regret- I don't think so, it just becomes acceptance.

Edited by thecleanowl, 24 January 2013 - 02:46 PM.

#9 ~Sorceress~

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

It went away with number 6 for me original.gif . I was worried that no matter how many children I had, I'd still have an irrational desire for more ... but once I had our last baby, I knew I was ready to move on to the next stage of life original.gif .

#10 Natttmumm

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

For us it didn't and now im 37 weeks pregnant with number 3. It hasn't been an easy ride though looking after 2 kids and being pregnant. Still I wouldn't change it for anything. So excited to be welcoming our much wanted baby number 3 in a few weeks.
Go with your heart.

#11 josh2003

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

We also have two boys, and have battled with infertility for a long time, so having a third is not just a simple decision for us. If we could get pregnant easily on our own, we would have had a third child already.

The appeal of an extra child is also for later in life... I love it when big families get together and for every child you have, you're potentially adding a partner and grand kids to the mix.

I always think that you never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't have. We haven't closed the door on the possibility, and I know that if we don't at least try to have another, it will be something I regret.

#12 SuboptimallyPooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:51 PM

I know that personally, I can write a novel about all the reasons not to have another baby, then on the "pro" side... We want one. And maybe, DS would like a sibling, but we don't know that, so yeah. One verifiable reason versus 50 gazillion others. Still, it's enough, isn't it, to make it hard.

#13 mmuc83

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:53 PM

We are at that point too.. 2 healthy beautiful DS - i would love one more - DH is unsure - but i get that with our two life is getting easier now.... but i have always wanted three.. don't know...

#14 Bart.

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:03 PM

OP, I'm in the same position as you.  Two beautiful, amazing boys and a DH that doesn't want any more.  Thing is, I know he's right because my reasoning is flimsy and based on the simple fact that I LOVE babies.  I'd have five newborns over a single toddler any day.  I think tiny babies are the most magical, special creatures on the planet.  

But then you have to raise them.

Sure, if I get pregnant again, I'll get another baby, then another pre-schooler, then another primary schooler, then another teenager, then another adult, etc etc.  I don't want the rest of it, just the baby but unfortunately I have to have both. Tounge1.gif  So, I just think of what'd it be like with three teenagers, the heightened chance of the child/adult-to-be having special needs (I'm in my mid-30s now), the added costs, the bigger car, the bigger house, etc etc.  When I add up the logistics,  the rational side of me is appeased.

But I still want another baby... Tounge1.gif rolleyes.gif

Edited by Bart., 24 January 2013 - 03:04 PM.

#15 Ferelsmegz

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:04 PM

Im at this point also...

It is a little different for me however.

We have 2 gorgeous kids - the youngest is 5, im back at work fulltime, ive found a hobby that I LOVE and is not an option when pregnant.. (roller derby) but.. technically, the kids are only mine. DP loves and adores them and treats them as if they were his own but they arent.... and I would love for us to have one.. he doesnt have any of his own yet, but is just so amazing with mine that I would love another! Right now is not a viable time financially etc for us... and im hoping the desire leaves... but it hasnt as yet...

#16 *Lib*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:09 PM

I had an irrational desire for another one.

My husband wouldn't indulge me. I was resentful to start with.

Now I thank God we didn't have another.

Our only child is now 8, and I am so grateful that we only have one. It allows us all kinds of freedoms that we wouldn't have had we had as many children as I initially wanted.

#17 alwayshappy

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:19 PM

We have three, which were planned and wanted.
Given the challenges with my youngest, there are certainly days I wish I'd stopped at two and counted my blessings.  That's the other thing - you just don't know if the last one (or two - you could have twins  biggrin.gif) is the one that's going to take up 99% of your time instead of a third of your time!
Plus, yes, they grow up and their demands grow in some ways (and get easier in others).  It doesn't stop with infancy / early childhood.

#18 Mummzy

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:20 PM

I too have 2 little boys. I always wanted 4. I have so many things I want to do... Holidays, buy a house, private schools, go back to work focus, on me and get my body back.

The feeling hasn't left yet and I don't think it will for me until I get those other two babies. I want them. I don't need them and we would be better off with just two but I don't want to be better off. My heart and uterus are telling me differently the definitely want those 2 babies.

Every month I get disappointed. It's been 2 years of TTC now but I am not giving up!

#19 Chaos in stereo

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:29 PM


Edited by Chaos in stereo, 26 August 2013 - 05:00 PM.

#20 2plusoops

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:30 PM

QUOTE (BadKitteh @ 24/01/2013, 03:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'll be watching the replies closely. I worry I'm going to become bitter about not having another child.

This is me sad.gif   Unfortunately for me although I very much want another, my DH doesn't.  I can't and won't force him to have another but I do worry what will happen in the future.  His reasons for not wanting another are very sound and reasonable, but I worry that I may become resentful or bitter about it later on .... all I can do is take it one day at a time and hope the desire will go away.  And that my kids stop asking if we can have another baby (we have several family members and friends who recently have had babies and its all my three talk about sad.gif )

#21 BlueUnicorn

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

I have 3.  The irrational desire I had for #3 didn't go away when he was born.  Now I want another one!  I will get over it though, I don't think I can handle a 4th toddler for a start!

#22 solongsuckers

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

I have 3 and after my second I definitely still had the desire for another. After my third, I don't/ I am done and I am content with that.

If I had not had a third I think I would still be sitting here wanting another.

#23 Chchgirl

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:35 PM

I'm not sure really..I have two and was very clucky off and on for years, but the choice was taken away from me.

But no I don't regret not having another, and wouldn't at 45 anyway.

#24 feralangel

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

I experienced an overwhelming desire to have a second child.

My first child was a happy accident. I was 41 and had already decided not to have kids.

Fast forward 12 months and this strong desire, primal in its urgency, overcame me and i just couldn't shake the thought away.  In fact, I was obsessed with the idea of having another child, despite all practical considerations for not having another.

In any case I was now 43 and as one unkind person pointed out, it was highly unlikely I would fall pregnant again.

I did fall pregnant and gave birth aged 44.  

My second child is now 7 months old.

Would I consider trying again? No, I feel my family is complete.

However, I may feel differently when my baby is no longer a baby and i've stopped breastfeeding.

I expect by then that my biology will be well and truly against me.

Edited by natangel, 24 January 2013 - 03:42 PM.

#25 Bodacious Prime

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:48 PM

Not for me, or not yet at least. The practicalities of having another are just too overwhelming. Every time I get those feelings, I look at my amazing little family and I tell myself how blessed I am and the feelings subside, but not totally. I doubt they ever will.

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