Jump to content

Does an irratonal desire for another child go away...
or does it just become regret?


  • Please log in to reply
62 replies to this topic

#1 riva99

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:31 PM

I have 2 amazing, happy, healthy, busy boys. 2 children is a good number for us. It suits our finances, our home and our lifestyle. Dh and I have decided we won't have any more children.

A part from a really strong desire to, I can't think of any reason to have another.

But I want one! (Pouting, foot stomping) I can't explain why. I'm usually a very rational person but not about this. It makes no sense.

I am hoping that once the boys get to school and I get more time to focus on other things (career, hobbies, travel) that the desire will fade. By then I will probably be too old to have any more so the decision will be made.

So does it?



#2 **Xena**

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

It sort of does.

I have 3 and my DH and I decided that was it for us. The desire for more still comes and goes with me though. Sometimes I am glad because I can move onto a different part of my life- focussing on a career, my hobbies and enjoying my kids becoming more independent. Other times I am sad that I will never do it all again; especilly when DH and I are so damn good at making awesome kids tongue.gif

#3 CupOfCoffee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:35 PM

I can't answer you.  But we have two, and we have decided not to have any more.  For us, it is a logical choice to stop at 2, but I just have this desire to have one more.

So I hope it goes away, because like you, there is no reason or argument for why I want more... I just do.

#4 Feral_Pooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:38 PM

Is there ever a reason for having kids other than wanting them?

#5 mummabear

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:39 PM

I didn't think it ever would, I have been swooning over babies since I was a child.

But then it happened, and suddenly the thought of another baby just fills me with horror.

There is hope!

#6 CupOfCoffee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:40 PM

QUOTE (Pooks_ @ 24/01/2013, 02:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is there ever a reason for having kids other than wanting them?


laugh.gif This is true

I guess the reasons why we shouldn't have more outweigh the 'just want them' side of the argument.

#7 Tall Poppy

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:41 PM

I'll be watching the replies closely. I worry I'm going to become bitter about not having another child.

I think Pooks is right though.



#8 Boombox

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:42 PM

I don't think it does for some people. I for one would love a fourth. I love being pregnant, don't mind labour, love BF, and it makes me weep my babies are all growing up.

But rational me knows it's not feasible, and I have to live with that. Same as I wanted a pony when I was growing up and would keen in a crazy person way until my dad would shout at me. I eventually (years later) accepted I was never to have a pony.   sad.gif  Life goes on!

ETA I just noticed you asked if it becomes regret- I don't think so, it just becomes acceptance.

Edited by thecleanowl, 24 January 2013 - 02:46 PM.


#9 ~Sorceress~

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

It went away with number 6 for me original.gif . I was worried that no matter how many children I had, I'd still have an irrational desire for more ... but once I had our last baby, I knew I was ready to move on to the next stage of life original.gif .



#10 Natttmumm

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

For us it didn't and now im 37 weeks pregnant with number 3. It hasn't been an easy ride though looking after 2 kids and being pregnant. Still I wouldn't change it for anything. So excited to be welcoming our much wanted baby number 3 in a few weeks.
Go with your heart.



#11 josh2003

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

We also have two boys, and have battled with infertility for a long time, so having a third is not just a simple decision for us. If we could get pregnant easily on our own, we would have had a third child already.

The appeal of an extra child is also for later in life... I love it when big families get together and for every child you have, you're potentially adding a partner and grand kids to the mix.

I always think that you never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't have. We haven't closed the door on the possibility, and I know that if we don't at least try to have another, it will be something I regret.

#12 Feral_Pooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:51 PM

I know that personally, I can write a novel about all the reasons not to have another baby, then on the "pro" side... We want one. And maybe, DS would like a sibling, but we don't know that, so yeah. One verifiable reason versus 50 gazillion others. Still, it's enough, isn't it, to make it hard.

#13 mmuc83

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:53 PM

We are at that point too.. 2 healthy beautiful DS - i would love one more - DH is unsure - but i get that with our two life is getting easier now.... but i have always wanted three.. don't know...

#14 Bart.

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:03 PM

OP, I'm in the same position as you.  Two beautiful, amazing boys and a DH that doesn't want any more.  Thing is, I know he's right because my reasoning is flimsy and based on the simple fact that I LOVE babies.  I'd have five newborns over a single toddler any day.  I think tiny babies are the most magical, special creatures on the planet.  

But then you have to raise them.

Sure, if I get pregnant again, I'll get another baby, then another pre-schooler, then another primary schooler, then another teenager, then another adult, etc etc.  I don't want the rest of it, just the baby but unfortunately I have to have both. Tounge1.gif  So, I just think of what'd it be like with three teenagers, the heightened chance of the child/adult-to-be having special needs (I'm in my mid-30s now), the added costs, the bigger car, the bigger house, etc etc.  When I add up the logistics,  the rational side of me is appeased.

But I still want another baby... Tounge1.gif rolleyes.gif

Edited by Bart., 24 January 2013 - 03:04 PM.


#15 Ferelsmegz

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:04 PM

Im at this point also...

It is a little different for me however.

We have 2 gorgeous kids - the youngest is 5, im back at work fulltime, ive found a hobby that I LOVE and is not an option when pregnant.. (roller derby) but.. technically, the kids are only mine. DP loves and adores them and treats them as if they were his own but they arent.... and I would love for us to have one.. he doesnt have any of his own yet, but is just so amazing with mine that I would love another! Right now is not a viable time financially etc for us... and im hoping the desire leaves... but it hasnt as yet...

#16 *Lib*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:09 PM

I had an irrational desire for another one.

My husband wouldn't indulge me. I was resentful to start with.

Now I thank God we didn't have another.


Our only child is now 8, and I am so grateful that we only have one. It allows us all kinds of freedoms that we wouldn't have had we had as many children as I initially wanted.

#17 alwayshappy

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:19 PM

We have three, which were planned and wanted.
Given the challenges with my youngest, there are certainly days I wish I'd stopped at two and counted my blessings.  That's the other thing - you just don't know if the last one (or two - you could have twins  biggrin.gif) is the one that's going to take up 99% of your time instead of a third of your time!
Plus, yes, they grow up and their demands grow in some ways (and get easier in others).  It doesn't stop with infancy / early childhood.


#18 Mummzy

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:20 PM

I too have 2 little boys. I always wanted 4. I have so many things I want to do... Holidays, buy a house, private schools, go back to work focus, on me and get my body back.

The feeling hasn't left yet and I don't think it will for me until I get those other two babies. I want them. I don't need them and we would be better off with just two but I don't want to be better off. My heart and uterus are telling me differently the definitely want those 2 babies.

Every month I get disappointed. It's been 2 years of TTC now but I am not giving up!





#19 Chaos in stereo

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:29 PM

.

Edited by Chaos in stereo, 26 August 2013 - 05:00 PM.


#20 2plusoops

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:30 PM

QUOTE (BadKitteh @ 24/01/2013, 03:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'll be watching the replies closely. I worry I'm going to become bitter about not having another child.



This is me sad.gif   Unfortunately for me although I very much want another, my DH doesn't.  I can't and won't force him to have another but I do worry what will happen in the future.  His reasons for not wanting another are very sound and reasonable, but I worry that I may become resentful or bitter about it later on .... all I can do is take it one day at a time and hope the desire will go away.  And that my kids stop asking if we can have another baby (we have several family members and friends who recently have had babies and its all my three talk about sad.gif )

#21 BlueUnicorn

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

I have 3.  The irrational desire I had for #3 didn't go away when he was born.  Now I want another one!  I will get over it though, I don't think I can handle a 4th toddler for a start!





#22 solongsuckers

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

I have 3 and after my second I definitely still had the desire for another. After my third, I don't/ I am done and I am content with that.

If I had not had a third I think I would still be sitting here wanting another.

#23 Chchgirl

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:35 PM

I'm not sure really..I have two and was very clucky off and on for years, but the choice was taken away from me.

But no I don't regret not having another, and wouldn't at 45 anyway.

#24 feralangel

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

I experienced an overwhelming desire to have a second child.

My first child was a happy accident. I was 41 and had already decided not to have kids.

Fast forward 12 months and this strong desire, primal in its urgency, overcame me and i just couldn't shake the thought away.  In fact, I was obsessed with the idea of having another child, despite all practical considerations for not having another.

In any case I was now 43 and as one unkind person pointed out, it was highly unlikely I would fall pregnant again.

I did fall pregnant and gave birth aged 44.  

My second child is now 7 months old.

Would I consider trying again? No, I feel my family is complete.

However, I may feel differently when my baby is no longer a baby and i've stopped breastfeeding.

I expect by then that my biology will be well and truly against me.

Edited by natangel, 24 January 2013 - 03:42 PM.


#25 Bodacious Prime

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:48 PM

Not for me, or not yet at least. The practicalities of having another are just too overwhelming. Every time I get those feelings, I look at my amazing little family and I tell myself how blessed I am and the feelings subside, but not totally. I doubt they ever will.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Ambulance service under fire: baby seats to go, response times 'worse than ever'

The NSW Ambulance Service is removing child-safety seats from ambulances, while the Victorian service is facing criticism over lengthy response times following the death of a three-year-old.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Is e-reading to your toddler story time or just screen time?

When reading increasingly means swiping pages on a device, and we're advised to read to their children early and often, should parents be turning to e-readers for storytime?

Community mourns inspiring young dad

A young dad who fought a five-year battle with cancer has been remembered for his inspiring legacy at a funeral service attended by hundreds of family and friends this week.

Meningococcal kills Queensland toddler

Public health authorities say the death of a toddler in north Queensland from meningococcal disease highlights the danger the illness poses.

Nicole Kidman: 'I hope every month that I'm pregnant'

Nicole Kidman is hoping to add to her family, but says she's doubtful it will happen.

Recall: Aldi Wooden London Bus play set

Aldi has announced a recall of their popular Wooden London Bus play set.

Great gift ideas for first birthdays

From soft toys to balance bikes, here are some great ideas for first birthday gifts.

Mum learnt she was pregnant hours before giving birth

Kim Walsh arrived at the doctor with abdominal cramps. Hours later, she was cradling the baby experts told her she could never have.

How cancer has made me a better, happier person

I'm a far better person post-cancer than I ever was before. The goal now is to stay around long enough to find out who I can become, and what I can achieve.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Why I don't breastfeed

The truth was, when it came to feeding my baby son, I didn't want to see milk coming from anywhere but the shops.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.