Jump to content

Does an irratonal desire for another child go away...
or does it just become regret?


  • Please log in to reply
62 replies to this topic

#1 riva99

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:31 PM

I have 2 amazing, happy, healthy, busy boys. 2 children is a good number for us. It suits our finances, our home and our lifestyle. Dh and I have decided we won't have any more children.

A part from a really strong desire to, I can't think of any reason to have another.

But I want one! (Pouting, foot stomping) I can't explain why. I'm usually a very rational person but not about this. It makes no sense.

I am hoping that once the boys get to school and I get more time to focus on other things (career, hobbies, travel) that the desire will fade. By then I will probably be too old to have any more so the decision will be made.

So does it?



#2 **Xena**

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

It sort of does.

I have 3 and my DH and I decided that was it for us. The desire for more still comes and goes with me though. Sometimes I am glad because I can move onto a different part of my life- focussing on a career, my hobbies and enjoying my kids becoming more independent. Other times I am sad that I will never do it all again; especilly when DH and I are so damn good at making awesome kids tongue.gif

#3 CupOfCoffee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:35 PM

I can't answer you.  But we have two, and we have decided not to have any more.  For us, it is a logical choice to stop at 2, but I just have this desire to have one more.

So I hope it goes away, because like you, there is no reason or argument for why I want more... I just do.

#4 Feral_Pooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:38 PM

Is there ever a reason for having kids other than wanting them?

#5 mummabear

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:39 PM

I didn't think it ever would, I have been swooning over babies since I was a child.

But then it happened, and suddenly the thought of another baby just fills me with horror.

There is hope!

#6 CupOfCoffee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:40 PM

QUOTE (Pooks_ @ 24/01/2013, 02:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is there ever a reason for having kids other than wanting them?


laugh.gif This is true

I guess the reasons why we shouldn't have more outweigh the 'just want them' side of the argument.

#7 Tall Poppy

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:41 PM

I'll be watching the replies closely. I worry I'm going to become bitter about not having another child.

I think Pooks is right though.



#8 Boombox

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:42 PM

I don't think it does for some people. I for one would love a fourth. I love being pregnant, don't mind labour, love BF, and it makes me weep my babies are all growing up.

But rational me knows it's not feasible, and I have to live with that. Same as I wanted a pony when I was growing up and would keen in a crazy person way until my dad would shout at me. I eventually (years later) accepted I was never to have a pony.   sad.gif  Life goes on!

ETA I just noticed you asked if it becomes regret- I don't think so, it just becomes acceptance.

Edited by thecleanowl, 24 January 2013 - 02:46 PM.


#9 ~Sorceress~

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

It went away with number 6 for me original.gif . I was worried that no matter how many children I had, I'd still have an irrational desire for more ... but once I had our last baby, I knew I was ready to move on to the next stage of life original.gif .



#10 Natttmumm

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

For us it didn't and now im 37 weeks pregnant with number 3. It hasn't been an easy ride though looking after 2 kids and being pregnant. Still I wouldn't change it for anything. So excited to be welcoming our much wanted baby number 3 in a few weeks.
Go with your heart.



#11 josh2003

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

We also have two boys, and have battled with infertility for a long time, so having a third is not just a simple decision for us. If we could get pregnant easily on our own, we would have had a third child already.

The appeal of an extra child is also for later in life... I love it when big families get together and for every child you have, you're potentially adding a partner and grand kids to the mix.

I always think that you never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't have. We haven't closed the door on the possibility, and I know that if we don't at least try to have another, it will be something I regret.

#12 Feral_Pooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:51 PM

I know that personally, I can write a novel about all the reasons not to have another baby, then on the "pro" side... We want one. And maybe, DS would like a sibling, but we don't know that, so yeah. One verifiable reason versus 50 gazillion others. Still, it's enough, isn't it, to make it hard.

#13 mmuc83

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:53 PM

We are at that point too.. 2 healthy beautiful DS - i would love one more - DH is unsure - but i get that with our two life is getting easier now.... but i have always wanted three.. don't know...

#14 Bart.

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:03 PM

OP, I'm in the same position as you.  Two beautiful, amazing boys and a DH that doesn't want any more.  Thing is, I know he's right because my reasoning is flimsy and based on the simple fact that I LOVE babies.  I'd have five newborns over a single toddler any day.  I think tiny babies are the most magical, special creatures on the planet.  

But then you have to raise them.

Sure, if I get pregnant again, I'll get another baby, then another pre-schooler, then another primary schooler, then another teenager, then another adult, etc etc.  I don't want the rest of it, just the baby but unfortunately I have to have both. Tounge1.gif  So, I just think of what'd it be like with three teenagers, the heightened chance of the child/adult-to-be having special needs (I'm in my mid-30s now), the added costs, the bigger car, the bigger house, etc etc.  When I add up the logistics,  the rational side of me is appeased.

But I still want another baby... Tounge1.gif rolleyes.gif

Edited by Bart., 24 January 2013 - 03:04 PM.


#15 Ferelsmegz

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:04 PM

Im at this point also...

It is a little different for me however.

We have 2 gorgeous kids - the youngest is 5, im back at work fulltime, ive found a hobby that I LOVE and is not an option when pregnant.. (roller derby) but.. technically, the kids are only mine. DP loves and adores them and treats them as if they were his own but they arent.... and I would love for us to have one.. he doesnt have any of his own yet, but is just so amazing with mine that I would love another! Right now is not a viable time financially etc for us... and im hoping the desire leaves... but it hasnt as yet...

#16 *Lib*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:09 PM

I had an irrational desire for another one.

My husband wouldn't indulge me. I was resentful to start with.

Now I thank God we didn't have another.


Our only child is now 8, and I am so grateful that we only have one. It allows us all kinds of freedoms that we wouldn't have had we had as many children as I initially wanted.

#17 alwayshappy

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:19 PM

We have three, which were planned and wanted.
Given the challenges with my youngest, there are certainly days I wish I'd stopped at two and counted my blessings.  That's the other thing - you just don't know if the last one (or two - you could have twins  biggrin.gif) is the one that's going to take up 99% of your time instead of a third of your time!
Plus, yes, they grow up and their demands grow in some ways (and get easier in others).  It doesn't stop with infancy / early childhood.


#18 Mummzy

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:20 PM

I too have 2 little boys. I always wanted 4. I have so many things I want to do... Holidays, buy a house, private schools, go back to work focus, on me and get my body back.

The feeling hasn't left yet and I don't think it will for me until I get those other two babies. I want them. I don't need them and we would be better off with just two but I don't want to be better off. My heart and uterus are telling me differently the definitely want those 2 babies.

Every month I get disappointed. It's been 2 years of TTC now but I am not giving up!





#19 Chaos in stereo

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:29 PM

.

Edited by Chaos in stereo, 26 August 2013 - 05:00 PM.


#20 2plusoops

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:30 PM

QUOTE (BadKitteh @ 24/01/2013, 03:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'll be watching the replies closely. I worry I'm going to become bitter about not having another child.



This is me sad.gif   Unfortunately for me although I very much want another, my DH doesn't.  I can't and won't force him to have another but I do worry what will happen in the future.  His reasons for not wanting another are very sound and reasonable, but I worry that I may become resentful or bitter about it later on .... all I can do is take it one day at a time and hope the desire will go away.  And that my kids stop asking if we can have another baby (we have several family members and friends who recently have had babies and its all my three talk about sad.gif )

#21 BlueUnicorn

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

I have 3.  The irrational desire I had for #3 didn't go away when he was born.  Now I want another one!  I will get over it though, I don't think I can handle a 4th toddler for a start!





#22 solongsuckers

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

I have 3 and after my second I definitely still had the desire for another. After my third, I don't/ I am done and I am content with that.

If I had not had a third I think I would still be sitting here wanting another.

#23 Chchgirl

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:35 PM

I'm not sure really..I have two and was very clucky off and on for years, but the choice was taken away from me.

But no I don't regret not having another, and wouldn't at 45 anyway.

#24 feralangel

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

I experienced an overwhelming desire to have a second child.

My first child was a happy accident. I was 41 and had already decided not to have kids.

Fast forward 12 months and this strong desire, primal in its urgency, overcame me and i just couldn't shake the thought away.  In fact, I was obsessed with the idea of having another child, despite all practical considerations for not having another.

In any case I was now 43 and as one unkind person pointed out, it was highly unlikely I would fall pregnant again.

I did fall pregnant and gave birth aged 44.  

My second child is now 7 months old.

Would I consider trying again? No, I feel my family is complete.

However, I may feel differently when my baby is no longer a baby and i've stopped breastfeeding.

I expect by then that my biology will be well and truly against me.

Edited by natangel, 24 January 2013 - 03:42 PM.


#25 Bodacious Prime

Posted 24 January 2013 - 03:48 PM

Not for me, or not yet at least. The practicalities of having another are just too overwhelming. Every time I get those feelings, I look at my amazing little family and I tell myself how blessed I am and the feelings subside, but not totally. I doubt they ever will.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.