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How much supervision and when?


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#1 Feral_Pooks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:27 AM

My last thread got me thinking about supervision.

Some people were saying they would have let a sleeping child continue to sleep in a car in a cool garage with window open- but they would have stayed there too. This just wouldn't have crossed my mind. I tend to watch DS (11 months) in situations I think he might get into trouble, but being restrained and asleep in a carseat doesn't make a blip on my radar. I would try and stay mostly in hearing distance and pop my head in once in a while to make sure I heard when he woke, though.

I also have the back of the house set up in such a way that I feel he is safe, and I often leave him to it back there. I will shower, cook, hang washing, etc. and leave him there to play. Sometimes I'll let him play in the backyard while I'm inside, but I leave the door open for him to come back in if he wants to, and if I go to the window I can see him easily (he crawls well).

I have a baby monitor because I am a heavy sleeper and might not otherwise hear him call out from his room, but I don't otherwise use it often.

I do check in on him, I guess I'm ok with the risk that he will be upset and it will take me a few minutes to realise.

Having said all that, if he is anywhere around water or dogs I am so super vigilant about it that I've been scoffed at more than once by various people.

I've also noticed that I'm less worried about his interactions with other kids (like at the library, park, etc.) than some other parents seem to be. He tends to just LOVE kids and just wants to touch them and smile at them. I'm not really worried he will hurt them, or that they will hurt him. If either party gets upset, you know, I cuddle him till he is calm then send him off again... Some mums have repeatedly grabbed his hands to keep them away from their child, which I don't really mind, but the looks they give me like I should be stopping him are weird. To me, he is too young to be "naughty", he is just exploring the world, and the worst case scenario is that he tugs some hair or pulls some clothes... Again, that just doesn't register as a problem for me but obviously does for others. I guess the other kids need to learn to move away from him. The cat sure has! I am happy to be sort of... Supervising but in a hands-off way, if that makes sense.

So what do you think about supervision? Where is your line? Have you noticed your line is different to others? Why have you decided to take your approach?

#2 raone

Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:32 AM

I would love to be like you op. But sometimes I am just so paranoid. Maybe that is what you are seeing from the other mums especially if they are first timers like me. I went and bought a movement sensor monitor because I was wearing myself out checking if he was still breathing.

#3 noi'mnot

Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:39 AM

I'm like you, OP. I don't see the point in hovering over everything.

My in-laws think I'm borderline negligent, but they're relaxing now as they realise that no harm is coming to my child sitting on the floor at the library or eating the blueberry she dropped on the kitchen floor. I do have my "things" which I'm very vigilant about like water, dogs, electricity.

Ultimately, though, I do what I'm comfortable with. If others think I'm not doing enough that's their problem, and I don't judge others for hovering over their kids in the playground if that's what helps them sleep at night.

#4 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:41 AM

The only reason I sit with my DS in the car when he is asleep is because we don't have a garage or car port so the car is parked in the driveway.

I am there because I won't be able to hear him from the house if he wakes up and cries and so that I can take him out if it suddenly gets too hot (ie i am there to check the temperature) and because I can't really leave a child asleep in a car by himself outside our house.

At home he is able to free roam around the house and when he goes in the court yard I will sit outside and he will play in the dirt and do his own thing.

If we are out I am happy for him to go off on his own as long as he is within my view (and obviously not anywhere dangerous like the road or by a lake etc).

I am a watch from a far unless he is trying to do things inherently dangerous in which case I am right beside him.

ETA: sometimes if I have stuff to do inside I am happy for him to play outside on his own while I do stuff, but I always make sure I check on him.

Also he is very much a child who likes to explore and play independently. At his first birthday he was getting upset because MiL kept hovering over him at the park and forcing him down the slide and stuff and he just wanted to be left alone to play and discover. She is terrible for not letting him do stuff on his own, he is a lot more capable than she will let him be and she thinks I am a neglectful, lazy parent.

Edited by Sunnycat, 24 January 2013 - 09:48 AM.


#5 Toodee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:41 AM

i'm very much like you are OP. Now with 3 children, who are all under school age, I can't always be everywhere they are and they don't always want to be where I am if I am cleaning, hanging out washing etc.

#6 Mitis angelam

Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:44 AM

Pooks, I'm pretty much like you, I think.  Have the house set up so that she's got an area I feel is safe for her (and safe from her!), and I let her do her thing while I do whatever I'm doing.  Other areas I feel the need to watch her more.  I try to let her have room to interact with others.  I would have been fine with what you did with the car.

*shrug*  Yes, there are times she falls or whatever and I'm not there instantly.  But I'm always within earshot, and it's not as if our house is big to start with.  I just don't think it would be good for her if I never took my eyes off her (or good for me - I do, after all, like to shower, and go to the loo, and all of that!)

#7 MintyBiscuit

Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:45 AM

My level of supervision has shifted as DS has got more mobile, but I still think I'm on the more relaxed end of the spectrum based on some interactions with other parents. Our house is set up so that DS basically has free reign of the living areas, but all the danger areas like bathroom, kitchen and laundry are blocked off. I leave him to his own devices if I need to get things done, but our house is so small that I'm never far away and can hear him even if I'm hanging out washing.

DH is a little more vigilant, but I think a lot of it is because he's not around DS as much as I am. Things I see DS do every day and know he can manage look to DH like he's going to hurt himself, so he often steps in where it's not necessary. We're on the same page though for the most part, and once I point out that he's been doing something for x amount of time and needs to work it out for himself, DH tends to leave him be.



#8 CourtesanNewton

Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:51 AM

I agree with you Pooks. Having said that, I think the time you need to be extra vigilant is just coming up for you now. When a toddler goes quiet is when you know they're doing something they shouldn't (especially if they're a climber)

When Owen was one I shut my eyes for a minute and opened them to find he'd ripped off a loose window screen, UNLOCKED it, and was halfway out onto the balcony (floor-level window)

When Owen was 3 he took all of 3 minutes to scale a 7 foot bookshelf, get down a bottle of baby panadol, undo the childproof lid, and scoff the lot (luckily wasn't enough left to be a toxic dose, but we still had a fun visit to hospital)

OTOH, I've left him sleeping in the car (with open windows) lots of times while I did things in the kitchen, because I can see the car from there. I've also left him playing in the lounge lots of times while I've been doing stuff in the study or kitchen, as long as I can hear him banging around, it's fine!

These days I just tell him what I'm doing if I need to do something in another room, and if he wants something he comes in to tell me. The vigilance has relaxed right off because he's lost interest in the dangerous stuff (thank god)

It's a balancing act really.

#9 Cranky Kitten

Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:53 AM

I'm a bit the same when it comes to at home supervision - DS roams around the house doing his own thing and either I occasionally check on him or he comes back of his own accord to stickybeak into what I'm up to. I can track him generally by the amount of noise he's making and garner a rough idea of what he's doing, if it goes quiet though I have to go check - chances are he's up to no good laughing2.gif

Outside it's pretty well the same, he wanders around the yard playing in the dirt etc while I hang washing or water the plants. I keep half an eye on him unless he's hanging around trying to get squirted with the hose.

The car thing though, I would have stayed. I have a bit of a thing about little kids in cars as even on a mild day with a covered car the inside of the car can get quite a lot warmer. I use it as an excuse to lay my own seat back and either read or have a nap myself. But I'm there with him and can gauge the comfort level of the car and whether or not it's getting too hot. Especially in summer - maybe less so in winter I guess.

#10 Riotproof

Posted 24 January 2013 - 10:04 AM

QUOTE (redkris @ 24/01/2013, 10:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with you Pooks. Having said that, I think the time you need to be extra vigilant is just coming up for you now. When a toddler goes quiet is when you know they're doing something they shouldn't (especially if they're a climber)

It's a balancing act really.


I agree. Once they start moving and getting more interested in things is when you discover your child proofing doesn't actually proof your child at all. There are levels depending on personality, my gf's dd as a field day at my house, simply because her house needed to remove those things. I suspect your little by might be very inquisitive.

#11 ComradeBob

Posted 24 January 2013 - 10:20 AM

QUOTE (redkris @ 24/01/2013, 10:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with you Pooks. Having said that, I think the time you need to be extra vigilant is just coming up for you now. When a toddler goes quiet is when you know they're doing something they shouldn't (especially if they're a climber)

Not always. I can only think of a handful of times when DD being quiet meant that she was being bold, mostly I'd wander over to where she was and she'd just be completely absorbed in something. But in fairness, she is not a climber, at all.

But I'm with you on supervision. The only reason I never left DD in the car when she was young, if she was still asleep when we got home was because our old house had a carport some distance from the house. If we'd been in the place we are in now, I would have done it happily.

#12 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 24 January 2013 - 10:46 AM

Im much like you Pooks.
DD is almost 3 and she can go anywhere in the house apart from bathroom and toilet unsupervised. I leave her to play out the back.
I can hear and see her from where ever I am in the house and the dog usually follows me around for safety from DD, he not a fan of being a giant dot-to-dot biggrin.gif

Im suprised I havnt been called a lazy parent at the park. As long as I can see her and its not too crowded I let her go. Usually on the big kids playground. She avoids the ones for her age, I would to theyre cr*p.
Yesterday she played in her room for 2.5 hours, quietly. Was bliss!

#13 Queen Yoda

Posted 24 January 2013 - 10:57 AM

I quite enjoyed it when the kids were immobile.  Even crawling wasn't too bad.  But once they are toddling around, that's when watching became an olympic sport in our house (especially with DD2, where silence meant trouble).

Now that they are older,  much easier.  Again, we are more concerned when things go silent than when they are noisy.

As for leaving bub in a car at home to finish off their sleep, really, it depends on your house set-up.  For some people, it would be easy to do.  For others, much more of a problem. Same with most supervision issue.  It depends greatly on your environment.

#14 CourtesanNewton

Posted 24 January 2013 - 11:09 AM

QUOTE
Not always. I can only think of a handful of times when DD being quiet meant that she was being bold, mostly I'd wander over to where she was and she'd just be completely absorbed in something. But in fairness, she is not a climber, at all.

Yeah, it just varies from kid to kid, I think. DS is also fascinated with locks, appliances and basically just figuring out how things work...I can remember him being under the study chair for 45 minutes trying to work out how it went up and down. Obviously this is just what he is interested in, but there's the potential for some pretty dangerous stuff (or there was before he got a bit of rationality)

#15 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 24 January 2013 - 11:15 AM

.

Edited by lifehacker, 09 February 2013 - 10:11 PM.


#16 Guest_LILLIANA1_*

Posted 24 January 2013 - 11:21 AM

My DD is 15 months old and I still feel very much like a novice at parenting - I am still figuring out my approach to these things.

I tend to stay with her in the car when she's asleep as we park out of hearing distance from the house and I'm perfectly happy to sit and listen to the radio in the car for a bit while she's sleeping.

I'm still finding my way re. how she behaves with other children. I usually intervene if she starts hairpulling etc. Why? I'm not sure - I guess because other parents don't really like it when my kid pulls their kids hair (which is fair enough, I reckon). I don't think it is necessarily "weird", as you put it, for parents to be a bit protective of their kids if yours pushes them around a bit - different to you maybe, but not weird.

#17 Soontobegran

Posted 24 January 2013 - 11:26 AM

Hey Pooks, I remember going for drives with the express purpose to get the children to go to sleep so I could pull into the drive way and leave them asleep in the car in our dark and cool carport which is in full vision of our front door.
You got to do what you got to do, it worked a treat original.gif

#18 lylac

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:05 PM

At home I'm a lot like you OP, but in public I turn into a helicopter.
In the playground I am hovering to protect your child from mine.


#19 Ice Queen

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:27 PM

I am a relaxed mum definitely, bordering on negligent according to my mum and a few friends!  Having said that, I was very relaxed with DD but she was so EASY and placid.  She just seemed to have this sense to keep out of trouble and still does.  DS has been a bit of an eye opener and I certainly watch him more than I did with DD.

I have an upstairs area which is totally safe and I often leave the kids there alone but my downstairs is not very safe so I cant take my eye off him for too long.

EB does shock me a bit at times, I was taken aback by a recent thread on gates into the kitchen  huh.gif .  Never even crossed my mind but then neither has sitting in the car while they are alseep!  Having said that we have the perfect garage scenario to leave bubs in the car.  It is even insulated, on the west side of a two story house and open onto our back yard so it doesnt get even warm until maybe late arvo on a very hot day.  But no I dont watch my 13mo constantly.

#20 Pssst...

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:34 PM

I'm also pretty relaxed. At home DD1 can go wherever she likes - only the kitchen is blocked off. She can even go outside on her own as the backyard is fully secure. And if I close the gate to the driveway I'm happy for her to play in the front yard by herself too. I just stick my head out every so often to see what she's doing. But, she's not a climber so it might not be appropriate for other kids (like my brother!) who would try to jump the fence as soon as no one is looking!

She doesn't fall asleep in the car these days so I haven't had to decide whether or not to leave her sleeping for a while. I wouldn't be able to see her from the house, so I'd probably just hang on the front verandah/lawn until she woke. Before we moved here we lived in an apartment and our parking spot was 7 levels underground. So when she fell asleep there I did same as PP - used it as an excuse to sleep/read.

Out in public I let her do her own thing too. And I'm happy for other kids to be exploring with/around her or DD2. We were out the other day and DD2 was having a kick on the grass. Two toddlers, just barely walking, came to see the baby and have a 'cuddle' (ie a friendly grab original.gif). One of the mums rushed straight over, but really I wasn't bothered - as long as DD2 isn't hurt/upset by the attention then I'm happy for the kids to have a look

#21 Bluenomi

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:35 PM

QUOTE (lylac @ 24/01/2013, 01:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
At home I'm a lot like you OP, but in public I turn into a helicopter.
In the playground I am hovering to protect your child from mine.


I'm a bit like that. DD isn't the best climber and not that confident on playground equipment so I hover so I can help if she wants it. Plus she's not the biggest kid around and seems to attract the bog kids who like shoving her. Plus she's a mummy's girl so I'm not allowed to go too far a lot of the time!

At home though I'm pretty relaxed. It does help she isn't one of those kids who likes to get into things.

#22 lizzzard

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:46 PM

I'm generally fairly relaxed, but have two things I stress about in a big way: water and cars/vehicles. I also hate the idea of them feeling 'abandoned' - so I wouldn't leave them in the car alone in case they woke up and got upset because they were by themselves. Similarly, the idea of losing them somewhere gets me quite upset too.

I don't care about things like falling over, eating food off the floor (it might be a bit yucky, but rarely "dangerous"), sorting out playground issues, etc. Even being pushed by other kids - meh, it's not going to result in real 'danger' in my eyes.

Interestingly, I used to be very blase about playground equipment. Recently I read a statistic about falls off playground equipment being the biggest cause of child hospitalisations. That amde me a little more vigilent. My kids are fairly athletic and good climbers so I am reasonably confident in their skills...but I keep a little more of a close eye on them now than I used to.

Edited by lizzzard, 24 January 2013 - 12:47 PM.


#23 Bam1

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:47 PM

QUOTE (Pooks_ @ 24/01/2013, 10:27 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
To me, he is too young to be "naughty", he is just exploring the world, and the worst case scenario is that he tugs some hair or pulls some clothes... Again, that just doesn't register as a problem for me but obviously does for others. I guess the other kids need to learn to move away from him. The cat sure has! I am happy to be sort of... Supervising but in a hands-off way, if that makes sense.


Maybe that is why some parent feel they need to supervise their child because of attitudes that it is the child who is victimised who should modify their behaviour (ie move away) rather then the child who may not know he is naughty but is still hurting other children being left to continue on his hurtful way because mum is too cool to supervise.

I'm glad you are happy to give your child the message that its okay to hurt others as long as you don't really mean it.

I'm not a a big supervisor either but I certainly make sure that its not the responsibility of other children to ensure my child does not hurt them.

#24 PurpleNess

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:54 PM

I think I'm quite like you, DS is 1 & not yet walking...but very close, things might change once he is!

I'm vigilant around water, animals & electricity but he tends to have the run of the back part of the house where I can see him , except for when he takes himself off to his room to pull his clothes out of his draws!

I've gated off the front room full of unsecured bookshelf and nicnacks and the kitchen, rest is free rein..I just didn't want him crawling around me whilst I cook. He'll be allowed in the kitchen when hes a bit older.

He's pretty independant and will amuse himself whilst I cook, I also leave the backdoor open & he follows me out to hang out washing etc.

Again I think once his mobility steps up so will my supervision, I have a feeling he's going to be a runner & a climber - lucky me lol

#25 Zephie Chugger

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:55 PM

QUOTE (noi'mnot @ 24/01/2013, 10:39 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm like you, OP. I don't see the point in hovering over everything.

My in-laws think I'm borderline negligent, but they're relaxing now as they realise that no harm is coming to my child sitting on the floor at the library or eating the blueberry she dropped on the kitchen floor. I do have my "things" which I'm very vigilant about like water, dogs, electricity.

Ultimately, though, I do what I'm comfortable with. If others think I'm not doing enough that's their problem, and I don't judge others for hovering over their kids in the playground if that's what helps them sleep at night.


Same here noi

Few months ago the boys were playing out the back on the bikes, things got louder great they are having the best morning......
No! they found paint the path ,toys and dog had been painted!





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