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What is with people talking me out of having a baby - I'm 6 months pregnant!

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#1 SophieBear

Posted 23 January 2013 - 09:34 PM

What is with people telling me how horrible my life will be when I have my baby?

In the last month I've had people say about 'living up' my child free days until baby arrives, get a lot of sleep because I'll be a walking zombie and telling me how my old 'awesome' life is over.

I am 27 weeks pregnant, I planned this baby. I want this baby and it's way too late for me to change my mind.

Why do people continue to tell me how horrible it will be? I don't want second thoughts now!

I don't know if I've posted in the right section.. maybe this is a vent?

#2 sarkazm76

Posted 23 January 2013 - 09:45 PM

Take it all with a grain of salt and a dash of truth.  It's something you can't imagine until you live it.  But it's not the end of your life and people neglect to tell you all the things you GAIN original.gif

#3 SophieBear

Posted 23 January 2013 - 09:50 PM

Exactly Sarkazm76.

I'm not delusional in thinking it's all going to be sunshine and roses but I don't need to hear only negative comments.

#4 Purelle

Posted 23 January 2013 - 10:33 PM

I know I'm probably one that says get as much sleep as you can. Sorry unsure.gif Ive said this though because the women I've been speaking to we're like me, and excited about baby coming soon and nesting way too much. I was exhausted from scrubbing my house all day and planning late into the night what I was going to do next day lolI always say to myself " next time I will relax and watch tv while bubs kicks maltesers off my tummy" I never do though  cool.gif
I don't think these people ( assuming they have the same innocent motives as me ) are trying to talk you out of having a baby, or saying you will regret it at all. Maybe they are just having a giggle at themselves when thy were at the stage of their life you are now. Try not to take it to heart. I'm sure they mean no harm by it  original.gif

#5 starfire

Posted 23 January 2013 - 10:41 PM

I don't honestly think people mean to scare the living daylights out of people expecting their first baby. But the bottom line is, things DO change once baby comes along and if you are used to having a cruisy lifestyle and doing things in your own time at your own pace, it will be a different reality.

But in saying that, I do understand where you are coming from and it is a bit annoying to hear it 10000 times in a row "Ohhhhh you better be sleeping lots as you won't be sleeping when baby comes" yadda yadda. I even had my relatives tag me in posts and pictures on facebook of horrible baby things that happen (no sleep, baby crying constantly, getting into everything, things destroyed etc) as a 'warning' to let me know what it will be like when I have my baby. rolleyes.gif

I just laugh it off.

#6 BeachedAsBro

Posted 23 January 2013 - 10:53 PM

Now you're pregnant everyone has an opinion for you. The opinions only get worse.

Enjoy your pregnancy and your baby. You'll love being a mum, trust me.

#7 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 23 January 2013 - 10:58 PM

QUOTE (BeachedAsBro @ 23/01/2013, 11:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Now you're pregnant everyone has an opinion for you. The opinions only get worse.

Enjoy your pregnancy and your baby. You'll love being a mum, trust me.

Exactly this. Now that mine are semi-independent teenagers I get people telling me "you must be happy about getting your life back"....... I actually think that raising them has been a pretty good life so far and will continue to be so. Some people just think they have to say something...anything to you whether it is worth saying or not. Enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy your baby, your todler, your pre-schooler, school child, teen and adult. It is hard work but the rewards are immeasurable.

#8 Kalbert

Posted 23 January 2013 - 11:47 PM

Hang in there OP.

My first baby is almost 8 months old and everybody gave me nothing but warnings etc.

However, I found it nothing to be like what they said. I get more sleep now than I did when I was pregnant. My life has continued on and yes, it has changed and I have to be more organised. I still have time to shower and put make-up one and see my friend's. I also still get to go out, without baby, and I work without it being a major hassle.

My advice is to surround yourself with supportive people and when people offer to babysit and you trust them, take them up on it. The best thing we did was go to a wedding when our daughter was 4 days old. I left her with my parents for those few hours and it was the best thing we ever did. It dealt with all of the anxiety straight up and although I missed her, we bit the bullet early. Now, our DD has no separation anxiety when she is left with other people, and I don't hesitate to organise babysitters etc.

I didn't find motherhood as hard as everybody said I would. If I could be any more relaxed about it all, I would be dead. But maybe because everyone was warning me so much and being so dramatic, that it hasn't lived up to that so it defied my expectations. I don't know.

Whatever happens, you will love your baby like nothing you have ever felt before. And although the late nights and the fatigue feels like it is so overwhelming you might die, it will pass and it is all so worth it.

Good luck and have fun with it!!

I had people telling me I was starving my unborn baby by "dieting" because I carried so small. It gave me great pleasure to announce that my DD was born at 9 pound 3, so I don't think she would have been that big if I was starving her.

Being a parent somehow gives people permission to say what they like and not use their manners about considering their comments before they make them. I just have a laugh at them now. I take what I like and ignore the rest.

Have fun x x xx

#9 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:17 AM

Life will change,that's a simple fact.  Most people are not biologically wired to leave a baby at 4 days old and see it as the best thing they ever did.  

Even if you get the non-sleeping version baby, it's not all that hideous and drastic and does end and even while they are not sleeping there are times when you are overwhelmed with love.

#10 mini mac

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:30 AM

I agree with everything PP have posted.

Old grey mare I hope we all do try and remember to enjoy every stage as you've described. Sometimes we get so caught up in whatever is on our to do list that we forget to enjoy lifes beautiful everyday moments.

Ps OP, is your sig meant to say April 13 not 12?? Baby brain perhaps? There is one of those typical pregnancy comments that can really get your goat sometimes huh!! Everyone will always have something to say so just try and be true to yourself, listen to the good advice and ignore the babble you don't like.

Keep smiling and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. It's all sooo worth it.

#11 ~shannon~

Posted 24 January 2013 - 12:41 AM

I think the other PPs have summed it up well, so my contribution to this thread will be a positive thought for you...

When your baby is born your whole world changes in an instant - you become someone's mummy. You will never feel such an infinite and deeper love than what you feel for your child. And when they look deeply into your eyes and you share that moment in time together, there is nothing that can beat that!

#12 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 24 January 2013 - 01:26 AM

everyone has an opinion when youre pregnant. mine was EVERY SINGLE PERSON guessing what gender the baby was, by the way I carried, food aversions, etc.
They were wrong both times haha

#13 Musk Sticks

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:24 AM

I don't think people are trying to talk you out of having a baby. They are most likely "warning" you of difficulties they had or things they wished they had been warned about before having their first.

I rolled my eyes when people made comments about sleep, lack of time etc.

Having my first hit me like a ton of bricks - yes he was planned, very much wanted and the best thing I have ever done - but nothing could have prepared me for the combination of recovering from an episiotomy, cracked nipples and sleep deprivation.

Some people are lucky and have easy babies and/or an easy transition to motherhood.

#14 Madnesscraves

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:44 AM

They just want to make sure you suffer as much as they did.

My mum would tell me how she couldn't wait for DD to make my nights living hell. Sorry mum I got a baby who was easy and slept through the night. Now she's progressed to she can't wait until DD is a teen and makes my life lining hell. She's really put out DD didn't act up as much as I did when I was a baby. roll2.gif

OP, everyone copes with the changes differently. For some they adapt easy, others its a shock. I went in expecting the worse of the worse, but it was far easier than I expected. But maybe because I went in thinking how bad it was and wasn't?

#15 *lightning

Posted 24 January 2013 - 02:45 AM

They are letting you know, in a light hearted way the things they struggled with and how they coped.

As PP's said your life will change and you won't realize how much it will change until your baby is born. There are difficult times but there's also heaps of fantastic moments and memories to last a lifetime.

#16 beaglebaby

Posted 24 January 2013 - 04:04 AM

Laugh and say "oh no, I've changed my mind" then start learning the nod and smile - you're going to need it for all the advice and I told you so's you've got coming!  If you have that many friends and family who are such experts though you should at least have a great selection of willing babysitters!

#17 lozoodle

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:04 AM

I have had someone give me a lecture on how hard life is about to come and how I just can't possibly have any idea what I am in for and how full on it is to have a baby.

I happily informed her it was my third and I am pretty sure we'd be just fine laughing2.gif

#18 Satay Chicken

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:10 AM

I'm getting the "you just wait and see!!!" comments which really pee me off!  So OP, you are not alone...  

#19 lozoodle

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:19 AM

I find the comments annoying regardless of whether it is your first child or not. People seem to think they are "helping" a first timer by "warning" them about it all, but really its just annoying.

Think back to when you had your first baby - nothing prepared you for what the reality was like after it was born, and nothing anyone told you could have prepared you for it either. The reality is that everyone is different, and everyone will have a different experience. The only way to know what something is truly like is to experience it yourself. You'll be fine, you just take it one day at a time and it all falls into place eventually.

#20 scjoh

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:22 AM

I am probably guilty of this but I found my first baby so overwhelming and I was so unprepared for how hard it was. I remember thinking " I  wish someone would have told me how hard this will be" and I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. I don't tell people how terrible it will be but I have said to a few friends that it is totally normal to find things overwhelming and it's not anything they are doing wrong.

#21 frizzle

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:25 AM

People mean well most of the time. With the sleep comments my dr has phrased it differently. She says get lots of rest where you can so you don't go into those first weeks already exhausted. I agree with her. With ds I was exhausted and it affected everything from the birth onwards. This time I am trying to rest where I can - I am 35 weeks at the moment.

I have the opposite reaction now because I am taking it easy, the what you have started mat leave already responses to what you haven't set her cot up yet  ohmy.gif . You can't win.

#22 matt1972

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:36 AM

QUOTE (BeachedAsBro @ 23/01/2013, 11:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Now you're pregnant everyone has an opinion for you. The opinions only get worse.

This is so true. I am not sure that all of these people say these things being well meaning or if it is a case of misery loves company.

My wife announced her pregnancy in late 2011 and the "helpful" comments started almost immediately. Sleep as much as you can, because you will never sleep again. Go to the movies, because you wont see a movie made for adults for 15 years. Go out for dinner, because you will never have dinner out again. Etc etc. That stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. Then you will get opinions about breastfeeding, types of nappies, best food, etc etc.

After months of advice the moment I saw my daughter I realised that my life had changed forever and that I was the happiest I had ever been.

#23 miinii

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:44 AM

Cause its true?! Not that its horrible but you should "live it up" THat doesn't mean they are saying that its horrible and your making a mistake

I think we are all guilty of saying things like this. Its the same as our parents saying "Enjoy them while their young because they grow so fast" They do! Often you dont realise it until it happens
Once you bub is here OP you might also find yourself guilty of saying similar to other expectant mothers.

#24 BJBubbles

Posted 24 January 2013 - 08:07 AM

I hear you OP! It drives me batty!

QUOTE (matt1972 @ 24/01/2013, 08:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is so true. I am not sure that all of these people say these things being well meaning or if it is a case of misery loves company.

I agree with this!

I'm happy to listen to and accept real advice from friends about how to cope in the early days.  Like PP said, my OB's recommendation is to rest as much as possible before the birth and the says the best thing to be when you go into labour is bored  :-P

But it's the people that say to DH "oh, good luck, you won't be playing golf for 18 years..." and point out all the BAD things that could happen that annoy me.  DH has actually pulled someone up and looked at him and said "don't you like having kids?".

The people I appreciate are the ones that say something along the lines of "having a baby changed my life almost beyond recognition, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me".

At almost 37 weeks pregnant, THAT is what I want to hear, because last I checked, babies come with a no returns policy!

#25 MrsLexiK

Posted 24 January 2013 - 08:18 AM

I have listened to this advice, that family/friends have given other family/friends and I have been in the last 5 months realishing in everything DH and I do alone.  I even make the comments "we only have 14 more weeks of sleep ins like this for a while" or "this is one of the last times we maybe alone like this here for ages" etc I am excited about moving onto the next phase of my life, but I am going to cherish these last few months of sleep whenever I feel like it, eat dinner as late as I want, have whatever I want to eat without worrying about causing bad food choices in my child, and having these last few months with DH and I before it will no longer just be DH and I.

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