Jump to content

Not Happy being a Housewife!


  • Please log in to reply
64 replies to this topic

#1 Mishca**

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:44 PM

Hi All,
I guess i am posting to get confirmation that i am not the only person out there who doesn't like being a housewife. I do work from home at least 10hrs plus a week which i think has kept me from going insane.
I would much rather be at work than have to parent my nearly 2 year old. I am pregnant with no. 2. 8 months along now. I just dont know how i am going to cope with two kids...
I feel horrible even typing these things. I love my daughter and could not imagin my life without her. But i just dont feel like a whole person when i am at home. I feel like i'm just a mum and thats not good enough for me.
I was a working woman who loved working and the independance that went with it. Even two years on i still dont think i have found my feet at home.

Has anyone been through a similiar experience?
Am i just expecting too much which is why i am not happy?
Should i just except that this is my life now?

Any input and thoughts would be great.

Thanks

#2 jaluke

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

It does get easier as they get older.  Mine are 4 and 5 now but I remember a period where I had a mummy meltdown (you know crying due to lack of sleep, annoying kids, endless chores etc) nearly every day for what felt like a year.  I am now finding life is getting a bit easier especially with one at school.  

I also find it hard being a housewife/parent.  I love my kids but I don't always enjoy being a parent (if that makes sense).

Just remember it does get easier and hang in there.

#3 mama123

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:58 PM

It took me a GOOD 2 years before I even started to feel a little content with staying home. It was a huge adjustment going from the workforce to being stuck at home. I felt very isolated despite being constantly busy. I think that had a lot to do with my previous line of work.

My first two are 15 months apart. That made things a little more up beat but I quickly fell pregnant with #3 because I was 'bored, home anyway, planning on more eventually so may as well'. biggrin.gif It was the 3 under 3 that made me feel somewhat content. Now I am expecting #4 in 5 years and I have finally got to a place where I am comfortable being at home. I guess I am finally 'broken in'. Tounge1.gif

I do have plans to go back to work once the children are a little older. It was an extremely hard adjustment for me but I finally got there in the end. Some people might not ever get there and that's completely fine. We all have to find our own groove.

Hopefully you'll get there and find yours too!

#4 mama123

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

Oh and 'sucks to be Mum' days (as I call them) can sometimes be common around here too! biggrin.gif

#5 cinnabubble

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.

#6 Jane Jetson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 23/01/2013, 08:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.


Yep. I hated being a housewife and ran away back to work. Just because you have children doesn't mean you're stuck as a housewife forever.


#7 halcyondays

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

I like being a parent, but don't like being a housewife at all. I don't like taking care of the house, and the endless mess, and I don't like my major role in life to be a "wife"- which seems to mean looking after husband's needs.
I work outside of home and it keeps me sane. I do seem to end up being responsible for most of the parenting and household running smoothly too, which is unfair, but I do enjoy my life as it is now.

I also found it much easier being at home with 2 kids than with one. I think I had more to fit into the day, the needs of 2 kids to meet which stopped the boredom of looking after the 1 kid and all their quirks all day.


#8 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:12 PM

Yeah, I feel a similar way.  The first year after DD2 was born was hellish in many ways, because DD2 had some health problems and hospitalisation.  I found it all pretty overwhelming a lot of the time.
DD2 is now 17 months and it already is so much easier.  
Small children are very hard work!
I work from home, in a creative industry, which I love and lets me be sane.  Being very creative and arty, I find normal workdays and office jobs very stifling and stressful.  So I'm really in a great place now.  But if I didn't have work to do from home, I'd be really struggling.  It helps me to keep my identity as someone other than Muuuuuu-mmmmmmy!

#9 2bundles

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:12 PM


QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 23/01/2013, 07:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.


Other than she is 8mths pregnant!

#10 laridae

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:14 PM

Why not go back to work then?  You don''t have to be a housewife.  Daycare isn''t that bad...  so you've tried it, you don't like, it, change it?

#11 EsmeLennox

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

Yeah, I hated it too, and I was always glad to go back to work after having a baby. Now I quite like the sound of it, but then they are all at school! Bit of a shame I have to work! Lol

I would just find a job as soon as I could after baby #2 arrives.

#12 luke's mummu

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

My 2 are 7 years and 3 and 1/2, and I have just found these holidays so much easier. Before that, constantly on the go morning to night, and dreaded having the 2 of them together.

Parenting is hard work. But it does get easier as they get older.

#13 Mitis angelam

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:23 PM

QUOTE (Mishca** @ 23/01/2013, 07:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Has anyone been through a similiar experience?
Am i just expecting too much which is why i am not happy?
Should i just except that this is my life now?


Yep.  I'm a SAHM just now and hate it.  I don't think for a second that having ambitions and aspirations outside the home is "expecting too much."  I'm not accepting it, so I don't see why anyone else should!

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 23/01/2013, 08:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.


"Just"?  Just...renegotiate the standard of care provided for your child/ren, after you and your partner have reached an agreement.  Just....find a job, and pray to all the gods you can think of that childcare will materialise, maybe having to turn down a job if it doesn't?  Or, pay money you can't afford for childcare, hoping that a job will materialise?  Just weather all of the stress on your family of institutionalised childcare or dealing with extended family as caregivers, with all the strings which come with that.

Or, try to find a job which you can do when your partner is at home, perhaps evenings and weekends, if you can, and if it's any more fulfilling than stacking shelves, hey, that'll be a bonus.  Oh, and then watch the stress of never having time together, never having time to relax, and see how your marriage holds up as that grinds on year after year.

That is, of course, all assuming that you can actually find someone willing to employ you, and job seeking doesn't turn into a long term hobby.

Really, cinnabubble, I know you're obviously fed up with your lot, and I get that, but is it necessary to constantly belittle others' challenges?

#14 laridae

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 23/01/2013, 08:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
"Just"?  Just...renegotiate the standard of care provided for your child/ren, after you and your partner have reached an agreement.  Just....find a job, and pray to all the gods you can think of that childcare will materialise, maybe having to turn down a job if it doesn't?  Or, pay money you can't afford for childcare, hoping that a job will materialise?  Just weather all of the stress on your family of institutionalised childcare or dealing with extended family as caregivers, with all the strings which come with that.

Or, try to find a job which you can do when your partner is at home, perhaps evenings and weekends, if you can, and if it's any more fulfilling than stacking shelves, hey, that'll be a bonus.  Oh, and then watch the stress of never having time together, never having time to relax, and see how your marriage holds up as that grinds on year after year.

That is, of course, all assuming that you can actually find someone willing to employ you, and job seeking doesn't turn into a long term hobby.





Others manage to do it... its not that hard...

#15 Mishca**

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:38 PM

Thanks for all the replies ladies. Helps that i'm not the only person out there who feels this way.

I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.

As usual its a work life balance thing. I just need to find my balance.

#16 RealityBites

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:39 PM

I hate being a hausfrau. I'm with Cinnabubble - get a job!

Childcare (both grandparent care and formalised care) has saved my sanity and given me my life back. I have never felt any guilt whatsoever. It takes a village to raise a child, and all that.

AngeVert - why so glum? I've managed (with DH) to juggle study (BA, honours, PhD), work (secretarial work, teaching and/or research/admin work from home) and kids for over 10 years. I love it. Balance is key  original.gif

Edited by RealityBites, 23 January 2013 - 07:42 PM.


#17 cinnabubble

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:39 PM

QUOTE (2bundles @ 23/01/2013, 08:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Other than she is 8mths pregnant!

Probably not a permanent state.

QUOTE
I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.

Oh please. My two year old's idea of hell is being denied childcare. She adores it there. Clear your mind of all the BS Steve Biddulph and his ilk have spewed forth and check it out!

Also, complete bullsh*t about not raising your children yourself. Is your partner raising them? Presumably he goes to work. Will you  be raising them when they're at school? Of course you will be.

As Robert Louis Stevenson said: if your morals make you dreary, depend upon it, they're wrong.

Edited by cinnabubble, 23 January 2013 - 07:45 PM.


#18 Mitis angelam

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:41 PM

QUOTE (RealityBites @ 23/01/2013, 08:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
AngeVert - why so glum? I've managed (with DH) to juggle study, work and kids for over 10 years. I love it. Balance is key  original.gif


Because I feel trapped, and I hate feeling trapped.  Hah - I'm fortunate, in that I actually know the end date of my entrapment.  I must sit down and work out how many sleeps it is, maybe that will help me feel better!

#19 Rosiebird

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

Normally OP I'd say if you are not happy, change it. But things are going to change in a month anyway so is just stay put for now and see if you enjoy being a SAHM better with 2. And if you don't, you can look at going back to work. It may be difficult to organise initially but then you'll find a routine that works for you

#20 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

QUOTE (Mishca** @ 23/01/2013, 08:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.

I think it's all about quality of care...children thrive in good quality day care, and they thrive in a good environment at home, be that with a parent or nanny/ grandparent etc....

The way I look at it, I love my husband every bit the same (maybe a little bit more?) as I do my children, but I don't want to spend every waking hour with him! And I don't...same with kids, it's about the quality of time you spend with them, not the quantity....

It's hard OP, I hope you find your answer.....

#21 RealityBites

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 23/01/2013, 08:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Because I feel trapped, and I hate feeling trapped.  Hah - I'm fortunate, in that I actually know the end date of my entrapment.  I must sit down and work out how many sleeps it is, maybe that will help me feel better!


Fly free  biggrin.gif

#22 Jane Jetson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:44 PM

QUOTE (Mishca** @ 23/01/2013, 08:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.


I think it would be harder if you buy into this idea, yeah. But it really is a fallacy. Even if you go back to work full-time, day care is not raising your child any more than school is raising him or her later in life. Yes, you won't be there 24/7, but you (and your partner if applicable) are still the ones who do the important bits.

I must say I don't feel particularly guilty that mine go to child care. Certainly no more guilty than their dad does, anyway.

#23 RealityBites

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:46 PM

QUOTE (Jane Jetson @ 23/01/2013, 08:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I must say I don't feel particularly guilty that mine go to child care. Certainly no more guilty than their dad does, anyway.


And ain't that the key point.

OP - Perhaps in a few months you could swap with your DH, he could be the SAHP and give you a much needed break!

#24 EsmeLennox

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Make no mistake that even if your kids go to childcare (and later school) that you are still raising them. It is you who will impart values. Don't buy into all that bullsh*t about guilt and childcare. Yeah, you had them, and you'll raise them, that doesn't mean they have to be looked after by you 24/7. And you are entitled to have a life too, FFS your whole world doesn't have to revolve around your children, and what's more it shouldn't, especially if you're hating every minute of it.

I never felt guilt about my kids going to childcare.

Edited by Jemstar, 23 January 2013 - 08:02 PM.


#25 ~Supernova~

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:57 PM

I hated being a SAHM for the last 10mths...but I have PND. About 3 weeks ago it all suddenly "clicked". I still want to go back to work (part time), but I enjoy them so much more now that the fog has lifted.

If you don't like your situation - change it. Your DH could always be the SAHP. My DH was (and is) willing to.

I also had PND with DD, AND was in the middle of a degree. Daycare was a godsend. She loved it, and certainly never suffered.

Edited by Mareek, 23 January 2013 - 07:57 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.