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Not Happy being a Housewife!


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#1 Mishca**

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:44 PM

Hi All,
I guess i am posting to get confirmation that i am not the only person out there who doesn't like being a housewife. I do work from home at least 10hrs plus a week which i think has kept me from going insane.
I would much rather be at work than have to parent my nearly 2 year old. I am pregnant with no. 2. 8 months along now. I just dont know how i am going to cope with two kids...
I feel horrible even typing these things. I love my daughter and could not imagin my life without her. But i just dont feel like a whole person when i am at home. I feel like i'm just a mum and thats not good enough for me.
I was a working woman who loved working and the independance that went with it. Even two years on i still dont think i have found my feet at home.

Has anyone been through a similiar experience?
Am i just expecting too much which is why i am not happy?
Should i just except that this is my life now?

Any input and thoughts would be great.

Thanks

#2 jaluke

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

It does get easier as they get older.  Mine are 4 and 5 now but I remember a period where I had a mummy meltdown (you know crying due to lack of sleep, annoying kids, endless chores etc) nearly every day for what felt like a year.  I am now finding life is getting a bit easier especially with one at school.  

I also find it hard being a housewife/parent.  I love my kids but I don't always enjoy being a parent (if that makes sense).

Just remember it does get easier and hang in there.

#3 mama123

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:58 PM

It took me a GOOD 2 years before I even started to feel a little content with staying home. It was a huge adjustment going from the workforce to being stuck at home. I felt very isolated despite being constantly busy. I think that had a lot to do with my previous line of work.

My first two are 15 months apart. That made things a little more up beat but I quickly fell pregnant with #3 because I was 'bored, home anyway, planning on more eventually so may as well'. biggrin.gif It was the 3 under 3 that made me feel somewhat content. Now I am expecting #4 in 5 years and I have finally got to a place where I am comfortable being at home. I guess I am finally 'broken in'. Tounge1.gif

I do have plans to go back to work once the children are a little older. It was an extremely hard adjustment for me but I finally got there in the end. Some people might not ever get there and that's completely fine. We all have to find our own groove.

Hopefully you'll get there and find yours too!

#4 mama123

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

Oh and 'sucks to be Mum' days (as I call them) can sometimes be common around here too! biggrin.gif

#5 cinnabubble

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.

#6 Jane Jetson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 23/01/2013, 08:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.


Yep. I hated being a housewife and ran away back to work. Just because you have children doesn't mean you're stuck as a housewife forever.


#7 halcyondays

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

I like being a parent, but don't like being a housewife at all. I don't like taking care of the house, and the endless mess, and I don't like my major role in life to be a "wife"- which seems to mean looking after husband's needs.
I work outside of home and it keeps me sane. I do seem to end up being responsible for most of the parenting and household running smoothly too, which is unfair, but I do enjoy my life as it is now.

I also found it much easier being at home with 2 kids than with one. I think I had more to fit into the day, the needs of 2 kids to meet which stopped the boredom of looking after the 1 kid and all their quirks all day.


#8 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:12 PM

Yeah, I feel a similar way.  The first year after DD2 was born was hellish in many ways, because DD2 had some health problems and hospitalisation.  I found it all pretty overwhelming a lot of the time.
DD2 is now 17 months and it already is so much easier.  
Small children are very hard work!
I work from home, in a creative industry, which I love and lets me be sane.  Being very creative and arty, I find normal workdays and office jobs very stifling and stressful.  So I'm really in a great place now.  But if I didn't have work to do from home, I'd be really struggling.  It helps me to keep my identity as someone other than Muuuuuu-mmmmmmy!

#9 2bundles

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:12 PM


QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 23/01/2013, 07:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.


Other than she is 8mths pregnant!

#10 laridae

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:14 PM

Why not go back to work then?  You don''t have to be a housewife.  Daycare isn''t that bad...  so you've tried it, you don't like, it, change it?

#11 EsmeLennox

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

Yeah, I hated it too, and I was always glad to go back to work after having a baby. Now I quite like the sound of it, but then they are all at school! Bit of a shame I have to work! Lol

I would just find a job as soon as I could after baby #2 arrives.

#12 luke's mummu

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

My 2 are 7 years and 3 and 1/2, and I have just found these holidays so much easier. Before that, constantly on the go morning to night, and dreaded having the 2 of them together.

Parenting is hard work. But it does get easier as they get older.

#13 Mitis angelam

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:23 PM

QUOTE (Mishca** @ 23/01/2013, 07:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Has anyone been through a similiar experience?
Am i just expecting too much which is why i am not happy?
Should i just except that this is my life now?


Yep.  I'm a SAHM just now and hate it.  I don't think for a second that having ambitions and aspirations outside the home is "expecting too much."  I'm not accepting it, so I don't see why anyone else should!

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 23/01/2013, 08:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.


"Just"?  Just...renegotiate the standard of care provided for your child/ren, after you and your partner have reached an agreement.  Just....find a job, and pray to all the gods you can think of that childcare will materialise, maybe having to turn down a job if it doesn't?  Or, pay money you can't afford for childcare, hoping that a job will materialise?  Just weather all of the stress on your family of institutionalised childcare or dealing with extended family as caregivers, with all the strings which come with that.

Or, try to find a job which you can do when your partner is at home, perhaps evenings and weekends, if you can, and if it's any more fulfilling than stacking shelves, hey, that'll be a bonus.  Oh, and then watch the stress of never having time together, never having time to relax, and see how your marriage holds up as that grinds on year after year.

That is, of course, all assuming that you can actually find someone willing to employ you, and job seeking doesn't turn into a long term hobby.

Really, cinnabubble, I know you're obviously fed up with your lot, and I get that, but is it necessary to constantly belittle others' challenges?

#14 laridae

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 23/01/2013, 08:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
"Just"?  Just...renegotiate the standard of care provided for your child/ren, after you and your partner have reached an agreement.  Just....find a job, and pray to all the gods you can think of that childcare will materialise, maybe having to turn down a job if it doesn't?  Or, pay money you can't afford for childcare, hoping that a job will materialise?  Just weather all of the stress on your family of institutionalised childcare or dealing with extended family as caregivers, with all the strings which come with that.

Or, try to find a job which you can do when your partner is at home, perhaps evenings and weekends, if you can, and if it's any more fulfilling than stacking shelves, hey, that'll be a bonus.  Oh, and then watch the stress of never having time together, never having time to relax, and see how your marriage holds up as that grinds on year after year.

That is, of course, all assuming that you can actually find someone willing to employ you, and job seeking doesn't turn into a long term hobby.





Others manage to do it... its not that hard...

#15 Mishca**

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:38 PM

Thanks for all the replies ladies. Helps that i'm not the only person out there who feels this way.

I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.

As usual its a work life balance thing. I just need to find my balance.

#16 RealityBites

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:39 PM

I hate being a hausfrau. I'm with Cinnabubble - get a job!

Childcare (both grandparent care and formalised care) has saved my sanity and given me my life back. I have never felt any guilt whatsoever. It takes a village to raise a child, and all that.

AngeVert - why so glum? I've managed (with DH) to juggle study (BA, honours, PhD), work (secretarial work, teaching and/or research/admin work from home) and kids for over 10 years. I love it. Balance is key  original.gif

Edited by RealityBites, 23 January 2013 - 07:42 PM.


#17 cinnabubble

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:39 PM

QUOTE (2bundles @ 23/01/2013, 08:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Other than she is 8mths pregnant!

Probably not a permanent state.

QUOTE
I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.

Oh please. My two year old's idea of hell is being denied childcare. She adores it there. Clear your mind of all the BS Steve Biddulph and his ilk have spewed forth and check it out!

Also, complete bullsh*t about not raising your children yourself. Is your partner raising them? Presumably he goes to work. Will you  be raising them when they're at school? Of course you will be.

As Robert Louis Stevenson said: if your morals make you dreary, depend upon it, they're wrong.

Edited by cinnabubble, 23 January 2013 - 07:45 PM.


#18 Mitis angelam

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:41 PM

QUOTE (RealityBites @ 23/01/2013, 08:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
AngeVert - why so glum? I've managed (with DH) to juggle study, work and kids for over 10 years. I love it. Balance is key  original.gif


Because I feel trapped, and I hate feeling trapped.  Hah - I'm fortunate, in that I actually know the end date of my entrapment.  I must sit down and work out how many sleeps it is, maybe that will help me feel better!

#19 rosiebird

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

Normally OP I'd say if you are not happy, change it. But things are going to change in a month anyway so is just stay put for now and see if you enjoy being a SAHM better with 2. And if you don't, you can look at going back to work. It may be difficult to organise initially but then you'll find a routine that works for you

#20 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

QUOTE (Mishca** @ 23/01/2013, 08:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.

I think it's all about quality of care...children thrive in good quality day care, and they thrive in a good environment at home, be that with a parent or nanny/ grandparent etc....

The way I look at it, I love my husband every bit the same (maybe a little bit more?) as I do my children, but I don't want to spend every waking hour with him! And I don't...same with kids, it's about the quality of time you spend with them, not the quantity....

It's hard OP, I hope you find your answer.....

#21 RealityBites

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 23/01/2013, 08:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Because I feel trapped, and I hate feeling trapped.  Hah - I'm fortunate, in that I actually know the end date of my entrapment.  I must sit down and work out how many sleeps it is, maybe that will help me feel better!


Fly free  biggrin.gif

#22 Jane Jetson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:44 PM

QUOTE (Mishca** @ 23/01/2013, 08:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.


I think it would be harder if you buy into this idea, yeah. But it really is a fallacy. Even if you go back to work full-time, day care is not raising your child any more than school is raising him or her later in life. Yes, you won't be there 24/7, but you (and your partner if applicable) are still the ones who do the important bits.

I must say I don't feel particularly guilty that mine go to child care. Certainly no more guilty than their dad does, anyway.

#23 RealityBites

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:46 PM

QUOTE (Jane Jetson @ 23/01/2013, 08:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I must say I don't feel particularly guilty that mine go to child care. Certainly no more guilty than their dad does, anyway.


And ain't that the key point.

OP - Perhaps in a few months you could swap with your DH, he could be the SAHP and give you a much needed break!

#24 EsmeLennox

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Make no mistake that even if your kids go to childcare (and later school) that you are still raising them. It is you who will impart values. Don't buy into all that bullsh*t about guilt and childcare. Yeah, you had them, and you'll raise them, that doesn't mean they have to be looked after by you 24/7. And you are entitled to have a life too, FFS your whole world doesn't have to revolve around your children, and what's more it shouldn't, especially if you're hating every minute of it.

I never felt guilt about my kids going to childcare.

Edited by Jemstar, 23 January 2013 - 08:02 PM.


#25 ~Supernova~

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:57 PM

I hated being a SAHM for the last 10mths...but I have PND. About 3 weeks ago it all suddenly "clicked". I still want to go back to work (part time), but I enjoy them so much more now that the fog has lifted.

If you don't like your situation - change it. Your DH could always be the SAHP. My DH was (and is) willing to.

I also had PND with DD, AND was in the middle of a degree. Daycare was a godsend. She loved it, and certainly never suffered.

Edited by Mareek, 23 January 2013 - 07:57 PM.





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