Jump to content

Not Happy being a Housewife!


  • Please log in to reply
64 replies to this topic

#1 Mishca**

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:44 PM

Hi All,
I guess i am posting to get confirmation that i am not the only person out there who doesn't like being a housewife. I do work from home at least 10hrs plus a week which i think has kept me from going insane.
I would much rather be at work than have to parent my nearly 2 year old. I am pregnant with no. 2. 8 months along now. I just dont know how i am going to cope with two kids...
I feel horrible even typing these things. I love my daughter and could not imagin my life without her. But i just dont feel like a whole person when i am at home. I feel like i'm just a mum and thats not good enough for me.
I was a working woman who loved working and the independance that went with it. Even two years on i still dont think i have found my feet at home.

Has anyone been through a similiar experience?
Am i just expecting too much which is why i am not happy?
Should i just except that this is my life now?

Any input and thoughts would be great.

Thanks

#2 jaluke

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:57 PM

It does get easier as they get older.  Mine are 4 and 5 now but I remember a period where I had a mummy meltdown (you know crying due to lack of sleep, annoying kids, endless chores etc) nearly every day for what felt like a year.  I am now finding life is getting a bit easier especially with one at school.  

I also find it hard being a housewife/parent.  I love my kids but I don't always enjoy being a parent (if that makes sense).

Just remember it does get easier and hang in there.

#3 mama123

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:58 PM

It took me a GOOD 2 years before I even started to feel a little content with staying home. It was a huge adjustment going from the workforce to being stuck at home. I felt very isolated despite being constantly busy. I think that had a lot to do with my previous line of work.

My first two are 15 months apart. That made things a little more up beat but I quickly fell pregnant with #3 because I was 'bored, home anyway, planning on more eventually so may as well'. biggrin.gif It was the 3 under 3 that made me feel somewhat content. Now I am expecting #4 in 5 years and I have finally got to a place where I am comfortable being at home. I guess I am finally 'broken in'. Tounge1.gif

I do have plans to go back to work once the children are a little older. It was an extremely hard adjustment for me but I finally got there in the end. Some people might not ever get there and that's completely fine. We all have to find our own groove.

Hopefully you'll get there and find yours too!

#4 mama123

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

Oh and 'sucks to be Mum' days (as I call them) can sometimes be common around here too! biggrin.gif

#5 cinnabubble

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.

#6 Space Ninja Jetson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:07 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 23/01/2013, 08:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.


Yep. I hated being a housewife and ran away back to work. Just because you have children doesn't mean you're stuck as a housewife forever.


#7 halcyondays

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

I like being a parent, but don't like being a housewife at all. I don't like taking care of the house, and the endless mess, and I don't like my major role in life to be a "wife"- which seems to mean looking after husband's needs.
I work outside of home and it keeps me sane. I do seem to end up being responsible for most of the parenting and household running smoothly too, which is unfair, but I do enjoy my life as it is now.

I also found it much easier being at home with 2 kids than with one. I think I had more to fit into the day, the needs of 2 kids to meet which stopped the boredom of looking after the 1 kid and all their quirks all day.


#8 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:12 PM

Yeah, I feel a similar way.  The first year after DD2 was born was hellish in many ways, because DD2 had some health problems and hospitalisation.  I found it all pretty overwhelming a lot of the time.
DD2 is now 17 months and it already is so much easier.  
Small children are very hard work!
I work from home, in a creative industry, which I love and lets me be sane.  Being very creative and arty, I find normal workdays and office jobs very stifling and stressful.  So I'm really in a great place now.  But if I didn't have work to do from home, I'd be really struggling.  It helps me to keep my identity as someone other than Muuuuuu-mmmmmmy!

#9 2bundles

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:12 PM


QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 23/01/2013, 07:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.


Other than she is 8mths pregnant!

#10 laridae

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:14 PM

Why not go back to work then?  You don''t have to be a housewife.  Daycare isn''t that bad...  so you've tried it, you don't like, it, change it?

#11 EsmeLennox

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

Yeah, I hated it too, and I was always glad to go back to work after having a baby. Now I quite like the sound of it, but then they are all at school! Bit of a shame I have to work! Lol

I would just find a job as soon as I could after baby #2 arrives.

#12 luke's mummu

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

My 2 are 7 years and 3 and 1/2, and I have just found these holidays so much easier. Before that, constantly on the go morning to night, and dreaded having the 2 of them together.

Parenting is hard work. But it does get easier as they get older.

#13 Harlekijn engel

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:23 PM

QUOTE (Mishca** @ 23/01/2013, 07:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Has anyone been through a similiar experience?
Am i just expecting too much which is why i am not happy?
Should i just except that this is my life now?


Yep.  I'm a SAHM just now and hate it.  I don't think for a second that having ambitions and aspirations outside the home is "expecting too much."  I'm not accepting it, so I don't see why anyone else should!

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 23/01/2013, 08:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But surely if you don't want to be at home you could just get a job.


"Just"?  Just...renegotiate the standard of care provided for your child/ren, after you and your partner have reached an agreement.  Just....find a job, and pray to all the gods you can think of that childcare will materialise, maybe having to turn down a job if it doesn't?  Or, pay money you can't afford for childcare, hoping that a job will materialise?  Just weather all of the stress on your family of institutionalised childcare or dealing with extended family as caregivers, with all the strings which come with that.

Or, try to find a job which you can do when your partner is at home, perhaps evenings and weekends, if you can, and if it's any more fulfilling than stacking shelves, hey, that'll be a bonus.  Oh, and then watch the stress of never having time together, never having time to relax, and see how your marriage holds up as that grinds on year after year.

That is, of course, all assuming that you can actually find someone willing to employ you, and job seeking doesn't turn into a long term hobby.

Really, cinnabubble, I know you're obviously fed up with your lot, and I get that, but is it necessary to constantly belittle others' challenges?

#14 laridae

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:32 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 23/01/2013, 08:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
"Just"?  Just...renegotiate the standard of care provided for your child/ren, after you and your partner have reached an agreement.  Just....find a job, and pray to all the gods you can think of that childcare will materialise, maybe having to turn down a job if it doesn't?  Or, pay money you can't afford for childcare, hoping that a job will materialise?  Just weather all of the stress on your family of institutionalised childcare or dealing with extended family as caregivers, with all the strings which come with that.

Or, try to find a job which you can do when your partner is at home, perhaps evenings and weekends, if you can, and if it's any more fulfilling than stacking shelves, hey, that'll be a bonus.  Oh, and then watch the stress of never having time together, never having time to relax, and see how your marriage holds up as that grinds on year after year.

That is, of course, all assuming that you can actually find someone willing to employ you, and job seeking doesn't turn into a long term hobby.





Others manage to do it... its not that hard...

#15 Mishca**

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:38 PM

Thanks for all the replies ladies. Helps that i'm not the only person out there who feels this way.

I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.

As usual its a work life balance thing. I just need to find my balance.

#16 RealityBites

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:39 PM

I hate being a hausfrau. I'm with Cinnabubble - get a job!

Childcare (both grandparent care and formalised care) has saved my sanity and given me my life back. I have never felt any guilt whatsoever. It takes a village to raise a child, and all that.

AngeVert - why so glum? I've managed (with DH) to juggle study (BA, honours, PhD), work (secretarial work, teaching and/or research/admin work from home) and kids for over 10 years. I love it. Balance is key  original.gif

Edited by RealityBites, 23 January 2013 - 07:42 PM.


#17 cinnabubble

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:39 PM

QUOTE (2bundles @ 23/01/2013, 08:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Other than she is 8mths pregnant!

Probably not a permanent state.

QUOTE
I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.

Oh please. My two year old's idea of hell is being denied childcare. She adores it there. Clear your mind of all the BS Steve Biddulph and his ilk have spewed forth and check it out!

Also, complete bullsh*t about not raising your children yourself. Is your partner raising them? Presumably he goes to work. Will you  be raising them when they're at school? Of course you will be.

As Robert Louis Stevenson said: if your morals make you dreary, depend upon it, they're wrong.

Edited by cinnabubble, 23 January 2013 - 07:45 PM.


#18 Harlekijn engel

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:41 PM

QUOTE (RealityBites @ 23/01/2013, 08:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
AngeVert - why so glum? I've managed (with DH) to juggle study, work and kids for over 10 years. I love it. Balance is key  original.gif


Because I feel trapped, and I hate feeling trapped.  Hah - I'm fortunate, in that I actually know the end date of my entrapment.  I must sit down and work out how many sleeps it is, maybe that will help me feel better!

#19 rosiebird

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

Normally OP I'd say if you are not happy, change it. But things are going to change in a month anyway so is just stay put for now and see if you enjoy being a SAHM better with 2. And if you don't, you can look at going back to work. It may be difficult to organise initially but then you'll find a routine that works for you

#20 Comrade Borgia

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

QUOTE (Mishca** @ 23/01/2013, 08:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.

I think it's all about quality of care...children thrive in good quality day care, and they thrive in a good environment at home, be that with a parent or nanny/ grandparent etc....

The way I look at it, I love my husband every bit the same (maybe a little bit more?) as I do my children, but I don't want to spend every waking hour with him! And I don't...same with kids, it's about the quality of time you spend with them, not the quantity....

It's hard OP, I hope you find your answer.....

#21 RealityBites

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 23/01/2013, 08:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Because I feel trapped, and I hate feeling trapped.  Hah - I'm fortunate, in that I actually know the end date of my entrapment.  I must sit down and work out how many sleeps it is, maybe that will help me feel better!


Fly free  biggrin.gif

#22 Space Ninja Jetson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:44 PM

QUOTE (Mishca** @ 23/01/2013, 08:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the hardest thing for me is the guilt associated with putting my kids in childcare. I chose to have them. The least i can do as a parent is raise them myself. Not let the people at child care do it.


I think it would be harder if you buy into this idea, yeah. But it really is a fallacy. Even if you go back to work full-time, day care is not raising your child any more than school is raising him or her later in life. Yes, you won't be there 24/7, but you (and your partner if applicable) are still the ones who do the important bits.

I must say I don't feel particularly guilty that mine go to child care. Certainly no more guilty than their dad does, anyway.

#23 RealityBites

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:46 PM

QUOTE (Jane Jetson @ 23/01/2013, 08:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I must say I don't feel particularly guilty that mine go to child care. Certainly no more guilty than their dad does, anyway.


And ain't that the key point.

OP - Perhaps in a few months you could swap with your DH, he could be the SAHP and give you a much needed break!

#24 EsmeLennox

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

Make no mistake that even if your kids go to childcare (and later school) that you are still raising them. It is you who will impart values. Don't buy into all that bullsh*t about guilt and childcare. Yeah, you had them, and you'll raise them, that doesn't mean they have to be looked after by you 24/7. And you are entitled to have a life too, FFS your whole world doesn't have to revolve around your children, and what's more it shouldn't, especially if you're hating every minute of it.

I never felt guilt about my kids going to childcare.

Edited by Jemstar, 23 January 2013 - 08:02 PM.


#25 ~Supernova~

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:57 PM

I hated being a SAHM for the last 10mths...but I have PND. About 3 weeks ago it all suddenly "clicked". I still want to go back to work (part time), but I enjoy them so much more now that the fog has lifted.

If you don't like your situation - change it. Your DH could always be the SAHP. My DH was (and is) willing to.

I also had PND with DD, AND was in the middle of a degree. Daycare was a godsend. She loved it, and certainly never suffered.

Edited by Mareek, 23 January 2013 - 07:57 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.