Jump to content

Second go...

  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 Pretty Wings

Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:25 PM

Well after a recent early miscarriage we are just about to begin trying again.

It seems a bit weird that after what has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me that I still feel a tad excited at the prospect of one day being pregnant - when I first miscarried that whole excitement seemed to just vanish overnight, so I am happy that I can feel slight excitement bubbling in me again.  Having said there is that level of fear that if I get pregnant again that I will miscarry again.  

It's funny that when we first started trying I was obsessed with making sure I was eating the right foods and not doing anything wrong that could harm a baby should I get pregnant and not know it in the first few weeks, I wanted to make sure that I was in tip top shape and eating everything right.  Even though I was conscious of this, it never occurred to me for a second that I would get pregnant and miscarry.  And when it happened...  my heart... for those that have been through this know... i swear my heart just broke.  It really broke.

The doctor was adament that I did nothing wrong, that these things happen - nature's way of saying something wasn't right.  No matter that he said that I will always hold something in me that I miscarried because of something I did. I will always hold that in me.

Now that we are going to begin trying again I really do hope I can keep my excitement up.  I don't want that fear to take over.  Even though I have a loving partner he doesn't understand, I can tell he doesn't.  It's hard because no-one else knows we are trying and because of this I can't talk to anyone about this situation, and at times I feel really alone.

Is anyone in a similar situation to me?  Or does anyone have any stories of hope for me - maybe if you have miscarried and then felt that same anxiety at trying again but went on to have a healthy pregnancy soon after?

#2 Spring Chickadee

Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:35 PM

Pregnancy and baby mentioned

I miscarried 3 times and can not begin to describe how anxious and depressed I was after the 3rd. I became totally obsessive to try and control every single variable (food, health etc)

I was then told I needed to take a break from TTC as the stress flipped out my thyroid. I had to force myself to learn to be calmer and less obessive. I also saw a psych to figure out how to do this and deal with the anger and sense of betrayal of my own body. I managed to sort myself out, get positive and try again. I also used some meds as i'd reached 3 losses.

that 'try again' is now a healthy 11 week old baby boy sleeping on my chest.  He is spectacular!

this last pregnancy was actually more relaxed then the previous one's from the start.

#3 kibou

Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:36 PM

Sorry for you loss NewDay.    

I too am just starting to TTC again after a loss in December. I'm now in my TWW. I'm  scared. I'm scared I won't be pregnant. I'm scared I wiill be and I'll loose it again. But at the same time I'm excited... In 12 days days time I could see that magical second line again.

I'm lucky that I have a really understanding DH, who to be honest was (and is) just as heartbroken. Have you tried to talk to him about it? May he wants to understand and just needs a little help to get there.

Remember above all, take care of yourself.

#4 Pretty Wings

Posted 24 January 2013 - 08:46 AM

Spring Chickadee - Congratulations on your baby boy, I really do love to hear hopeful stories such as yours original.gif

I have spoken to several doctors who seem to think that my problem is my anxiety/stress, which i agree.  But it's something in me and I don't know how to be any different.  I have always been an anxious person and it has amplified when we started ttc.

How did you learn to be calmer?  I've tried many things... but find that if I do get calm then I am calm for like an hour and then back to my old ways.  How do you get calm, and most importantly, how do you stay calm??  Particularly throughout your pregnancy when there are so many fears?

#5 Pretty Wings

Posted 24 January 2013 - 08:49 AM

Kibou - I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!

Good luck and wish you all the best for the next couple of weeks original.gif

#6 Spring Chickadee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

I have spoken to several doctors who seem to think that my problem is my anxiety/stress, which i agree. But it's something in me and I don't know how to be any different. I have always been an anxious person and it has amplified when we started ttc.

How did you learn to be calmer? I've tried many things... but find that if I do get calm then I am calm for like an hour and then back to my old ways. How do you get calm, and most importantly, how do you stay calm?? Particularly throughout your pregnancy when there are so many fears?

Its so hard to learn not be be anxious and stressed as its only natural to feel that way after loosing your precious baby and being desperate to have a successful pregnancy. I really got myself to breaking point, I'd become obsessive (6+ hours online and book research per day for months) and was spending a fourtune between my FS, Endo and Naturopath. One thing I came accross in my research which i couldnt ignore is how the stress was indeed a contributing factor. It was not only setting off thyroid attacks but high cortisol levels lead to a much higher MC rate. those high levels off stress are not good for your hormones at all. It may be your bodies way of avoiding pregnancy under situations of war, famine etc.

So I cut back my online time significantly, stopped not making plans incase I got pregnant, started eating what I wanted to eat again, drinking a few wines without guilt and essentially living like I wasnt trying to get pregnant. I started being more than just a women desperate for a baby.

I went to a psychologist and really talked through the anger I felt. I HATED my body and how it had betrayed me. she really stirred me up to get really angry and upset to just get it out. She told me one day 'You need to deal with the fact that you may never have children naturally, and you will survive if that is the case' ....I was messed up after that session but after a few weeks dealing with that distant possibility and looking into backup plans I actually felt better. It's like I decided the worst case senario would not destroy me.

when I actually fell pregnant again I tried to keep myself busy and catch myself before getting worked up. I would listen to relaxing music and send good vibes to my baby. I did get worked up on a few occasions when I worried about some levels, but I regained my composure and returned to the calm place. I then had a calm remainder of the pregnancy and a beautiful calm birth (see my last topic). I am now a calm mum and love and enjoy the days with my baby boy. all the crying and lack of sleep and vomiit could never lessen how incredibly lucky I feel to have him- He is spectacular!

the great news is after 1 miscarriage your chances of a successful next pregnancy is still great, so hold your head up, be gentle with yourself and try to catch youself each time you feel yourself working yourself up.

#7 2puzzled

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:52 AM

NewDay - there is a forum group here called TTC #1 after miscarriage and it has many of us who have been through what you are going through. Very sorry for your loss - it does make it hard, after all that excitement and happiness to experience the shock and sadness of miscarriage. Feel free to jump into that thread and read some experiences and share your own - you'll find plenty of support (and good news stories too!), to help you along. First thing is to stop feeling responsible though, because it is most likely is  definitely not something you have done or could have controlled. It's hard to have such a helpless feeling that you feel like you have to find a reason, to the point that you blame yourself. We've all been there I think. Chin up -  you can do this again and will have a successful pregnancy! Best wishes to you.

#8 2puzzled

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:53 AM

Also - spring chickadee - congrats!! I just read your birth story. SO lovely. Very happy for you and your family.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Two children fall from second storey window

Two young boys have been rushed to hospital after falling out a second-storey window of a home in Eastwood.

Awards 2015: Vote now for a chance to win $2000

Vote for your favourite pregnancy, baby and toddler products for your chance to win your share of $2500 in cash prizes.

Victorian Labor to introduce same-sex adoption laws

Thousands of same-sex couples with children will have the right to be jointly recognised as parents by Victorian law.

Sneak peek: Maxomorra bee dress, t-shirt and romper for babies

Cutest snap find on the planet - bee rompers, tees and dresses for babies.

Toddler found two days after going missing

A two-year-old girl who disappeared on Friday night from her great-grandparents' home in rural Ohio was found alive Sunday evening in a nearby field.

Dad builds the ultimate bed for his toddler son

The transition from cot to big kid bed might be a little easier if every toddler had a bed like this one.

Is Woolworths now cheaper than Coles?

Woolworths appears to have taken the upper hand in its price battle with Coles after investing millions of dollars lowering the cost of groceries, according to new figures.

Aussie babies and parents stranded in Nepal after surrogacy ban

Parents say Australian babies are being "kept captive" and cannot come home after a ban on commercial surrogacy in Nepal.

Wannabe dads left behind in IVF debate

If virgin women can become mothers through IVF, maybe we're ready for another miracle - genuine equality for men in the parenting debate.

The health and fitness lessons I've learned

What I once assumed about health and fitness is wrong.

Our angel baby story: Hunter James

I have two children: one living, the next an angel baby.

Newlyweds send bill to no-show guests

Planning a wedding can be stressful – and, as most newlyweds can attest, it can be very costly, too.

Your choice or theirs: the tug-of-war over baby names

They had just decided on a name they both agreed on, but then the grandparents threw in an offer of $10,000 in exchange for choosing something else.

Dad-to-be's tearful reaction to pregnancy news goes viral

After 17 years of trying, this man had given up hope of having a family.

Claire Danes: acting out postnatal depression was difficult

Actress Claire Danes found it difficult pretending to have postnatal depression in Homeland, as she had just become a new mother herself.

The moment a 92-year-old meets her great grandaughter

It's a heart-warming photo this family will treasure forever.

How to prepare for breastfeeding when you're still pregnant

While every woman's breastfeeding journey is different, many hurdles are shared. Knowing what to expect will enable you to make informed decisions if - or when - you meet challenges along the way.

Sneak peek: new Love Mae bamboo dinnerware designs

We do love ourselves some brand new designs in tried and true products. The renowned bamboo dinnerware from Love Mae has just had several more members join the family, in addition to a brand new website.

Mum who killed paedophile gets reduced sentence

A mother-of-five who killed a paedophile has had her jail sentence reduced by a judge who described her case as a "truly exceptional" one.

Sneak peek: Geleeo self-cooling pram & high chair liners

We just spotted Geleeo, a brand new self-cooling pram liner you can buy in time for summer.

Toddler's silent debate with mum about naptime

He might not utter a single word - but this toddler is having a great debate with his mother about nap time.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



What are your favourite baby products?

The Essential Baby Awards are on now, and we need your help! Have your say on your top picks and you'll go in the draw to win a share of $2500.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.