Jump to content

Second go...


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 Pretty Wings

Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:25 PM

Well after a recent early miscarriage we are just about to begin trying again.

It seems a bit weird that after what has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me that I still feel a tad excited at the prospect of one day being pregnant - when I first miscarried that whole excitement seemed to just vanish overnight, so I am happy that I can feel slight excitement bubbling in me again.  Having said there is that level of fear that if I get pregnant again that I will miscarry again.  

It's funny that when we first started trying I was obsessed with making sure I was eating the right foods and not doing anything wrong that could harm a baby should I get pregnant and not know it in the first few weeks, I wanted to make sure that I was in tip top shape and eating everything right.  Even though I was conscious of this, it never occurred to me for a second that I would get pregnant and miscarry.  And when it happened...  my heart... for those that have been through this know... i swear my heart just broke.  It really broke.

The doctor was adament that I did nothing wrong, that these things happen - nature's way of saying something wasn't right.  No matter that he said that I will always hold something in me that I miscarried because of something I did. I will always hold that in me.

Now that we are going to begin trying again I really do hope I can keep my excitement up.  I don't want that fear to take over.  Even though I have a loving partner he doesn't understand, I can tell he doesn't.  It's hard because no-one else knows we are trying and because of this I can't talk to anyone about this situation, and at times I feel really alone.

Is anyone in a similar situation to me?  Or does anyone have any stories of hope for me - maybe if you have miscarried and then felt that same anxiety at trying again but went on to have a healthy pregnancy soon after?





#2 Spring Chickadee

Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:35 PM

Pregnancy and baby mentioned

I miscarried 3 times and can not begin to describe how anxious and depressed I was after the 3rd. I became totally obsessive to try and control every single variable (food, health etc)

I was then told I needed to take a break from TTC as the stress flipped out my thyroid. I had to force myself to learn to be calmer and less obessive. I also saw a psych to figure out how to do this and deal with the anger and sense of betrayal of my own body. I managed to sort myself out, get positive and try again. I also used some meds as i'd reached 3 losses.

that 'try again' is now a healthy 11 week old baby boy sleeping on my chest.  He is spectacular!

this last pregnancy was actually more relaxed then the previous one's from the start.

#3 kibou

Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:36 PM

Sorry for you loss NewDay.    

I too am just starting to TTC again after a loss in December. I'm now in my TWW. I'm  scared. I'm scared I won't be pregnant. I'm scared I wiill be and I'll loose it again. But at the same time I'm excited... In 12 days days time I could see that magical second line again.

I'm lucky that I have a really understanding DH, who to be honest was (and is) just as heartbroken. Have you tried to talk to him about it? May he wants to understand and just needs a little help to get there.

Remember above all, take care of yourself.

#4 Pretty Wings

Posted 24 January 2013 - 08:46 AM

Spring Chickadee - Congratulations on your baby boy, I really do love to hear hopeful stories such as yours original.gif

I have spoken to several doctors who seem to think that my problem is my anxiety/stress, which i agree.  But it's something in me and I don't know how to be any different.  I have always been an anxious person and it has amplified when we started ttc.

How did you learn to be calmer?  I've tried many things... but find that if I do get calm then I am calm for like an hour and then back to my old ways.  How do you get calm, and most importantly, how do you stay calm??  Particularly throughout your pregnancy when there are so many fears?

#5 Pretty Wings

Posted 24 January 2013 - 08:49 AM

Kibou - I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!

Good luck and wish you all the best for the next couple of weeks original.gif

#6 Spring Chickadee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

QUOTE
I have spoken to several doctors who seem to think that my problem is my anxiety/stress, which i agree. But it's something in me and I don't know how to be any different. I have always been an anxious person and it has amplified when we started ttc.

How did you learn to be calmer? I've tried many things... but find that if I do get calm then I am calm for like an hour and then back to my old ways. How do you get calm, and most importantly, how do you stay calm?? Particularly throughout your pregnancy when there are so many fears?


Its so hard to learn not be be anxious and stressed as its only natural to feel that way after loosing your precious baby and being desperate to have a successful pregnancy. I really got myself to breaking point, I'd become obsessive (6+ hours online and book research per day for months) and was spending a fourtune between my FS, Endo and Naturopath. One thing I came accross in my research which i couldnt ignore is how the stress was indeed a contributing factor. It was not only setting off thyroid attacks but high cortisol levels lead to a much higher MC rate. those high levels off stress are not good for your hormones at all. It may be your bodies way of avoiding pregnancy under situations of war, famine etc.

So I cut back my online time significantly, stopped not making plans incase I got pregnant, started eating what I wanted to eat again, drinking a few wines without guilt and essentially living like I wasnt trying to get pregnant. I started being more than just a women desperate for a baby.

I went to a psychologist and really talked through the anger I felt. I HATED my body and how it had betrayed me. she really stirred me up to get really angry and upset to just get it out. She told me one day 'You need to deal with the fact that you may never have children naturally, and you will survive if that is the case' ....I was messed up after that session but after a few weeks dealing with that distant possibility and looking into backup plans I actually felt better. It's like I decided the worst case senario would not destroy me.

when I actually fell pregnant again I tried to keep myself busy and catch myself before getting worked up. I would listen to relaxing music and send good vibes to my baby. I did get worked up on a few occasions when I worried about some levels, but I regained my composure and returned to the calm place. I then had a calm remainder of the pregnancy and a beautiful calm birth (see my last topic). I am now a calm mum and love and enjoy the days with my baby boy. all the crying and lack of sleep and vomiit could never lessen how incredibly lucky I feel to have him- He is spectacular!

the great news is after 1 miscarriage your chances of a successful next pregnancy is still great, so hold your head up, be gentle with yourself and try to catch youself each time you feel yourself working yourself up.

#7 2puzzled

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:52 AM

NewDay - there is a forum group here called TTC #1 after miscarriage and it has many of us who have been through what you are going through. Very sorry for your loss - it does make it hard, after all that excitement and happiness to experience the shock and sadness of miscarriage. Feel free to jump into that thread and read some experiences and share your own - you'll find plenty of support (and good news stories too!), to help you along. First thing is to stop feeling responsible though, because it is most likely is  definitely not something you have done or could have controlled. It's hard to have such a helpless feeling that you feel like you have to find a reason, to the point that you blame yourself. We've all been there I think. Chin up -  you can do this again and will have a successful pregnancy! Best wishes to you.


#8 2puzzled

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:53 AM

Also - spring chickadee - congrats!! I just read your birth story. SO lovely. Very happy for you and your family.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Twin brothers have become dads on the same day ? with their partners giving birth in the same hospital, and even the same birthing pool.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.