Jump to content

Second go...


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 Pretty Wings

Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:25 PM

Well after a recent early miscarriage we are just about to begin trying again.

It seems a bit weird that after what has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me that I still feel a tad excited at the prospect of one day being pregnant - when I first miscarried that whole excitement seemed to just vanish overnight, so I am happy that I can feel slight excitement bubbling in me again.  Having said there is that level of fear that if I get pregnant again that I will miscarry again.  

It's funny that when we first started trying I was obsessed with making sure I was eating the right foods and not doing anything wrong that could harm a baby should I get pregnant and not know it in the first few weeks, I wanted to make sure that I was in tip top shape and eating everything right.  Even though I was conscious of this, it never occurred to me for a second that I would get pregnant and miscarry.  And when it happened...  my heart... for those that have been through this know... i swear my heart just broke.  It really broke.

The doctor was adament that I did nothing wrong, that these things happen - nature's way of saying something wasn't right.  No matter that he said that I will always hold something in me that I miscarried because of something I did. I will always hold that in me.

Now that we are going to begin trying again I really do hope I can keep my excitement up.  I don't want that fear to take over.  Even though I have a loving partner he doesn't understand, I can tell he doesn't.  It's hard because no-one else knows we are trying and because of this I can't talk to anyone about this situation, and at times I feel really alone.

Is anyone in a similar situation to me?  Or does anyone have any stories of hope for me - maybe if you have miscarried and then felt that same anxiety at trying again but went on to have a healthy pregnancy soon after?





#2 Spring Chickadee

Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:35 PM

Pregnancy and baby mentioned

I miscarried 3 times and can not begin to describe how anxious and depressed I was after the 3rd. I became totally obsessive to try and control every single variable (food, health etc)

I was then told I needed to take a break from TTC as the stress flipped out my thyroid. I had to force myself to learn to be calmer and less obessive. I also saw a psych to figure out how to do this and deal with the anger and sense of betrayal of my own body. I managed to sort myself out, get positive and try again. I also used some meds as i'd reached 3 losses.

that 'try again' is now a healthy 11 week old baby boy sleeping on my chest.  He is spectacular!

this last pregnancy was actually more relaxed then the previous one's from the start.

#3 kibou

Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:36 PM

Sorry for you loss NewDay.    

I too am just starting to TTC again after a loss in December. I'm now in my TWW. I'm  scared. I'm scared I won't be pregnant. I'm scared I wiill be and I'll loose it again. But at the same time I'm excited... In 12 days days time I could see that magical second line again.

I'm lucky that I have a really understanding DH, who to be honest was (and is) just as heartbroken. Have you tried to talk to him about it? May he wants to understand and just needs a little help to get there.

Remember above all, take care of yourself.

#4 Pretty Wings

Posted 24 January 2013 - 08:46 AM

Spring Chickadee - Congratulations on your baby boy, I really do love to hear hopeful stories such as yours original.gif

I have spoken to several doctors who seem to think that my problem is my anxiety/stress, which i agree.  But it's something in me and I don't know how to be any different.  I have always been an anxious person and it has amplified when we started ttc.

How did you learn to be calmer?  I've tried many things... but find that if I do get calm then I am calm for like an hour and then back to my old ways.  How do you get calm, and most importantly, how do you stay calm??  Particularly throughout your pregnancy when there are so many fears?

#5 Pretty Wings

Posted 24 January 2013 - 08:49 AM

Kibou - I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!

Good luck and wish you all the best for the next couple of weeks original.gif

#6 Spring Chickadee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

QUOTE
I have spoken to several doctors who seem to think that my problem is my anxiety/stress, which i agree. But it's something in me and I don't know how to be any different. I have always been an anxious person and it has amplified when we started ttc.

How did you learn to be calmer? I've tried many things... but find that if I do get calm then I am calm for like an hour and then back to my old ways. How do you get calm, and most importantly, how do you stay calm?? Particularly throughout your pregnancy when there are so many fears?


Its so hard to learn not be be anxious and stressed as its only natural to feel that way after loosing your precious baby and being desperate to have a successful pregnancy. I really got myself to breaking point, I'd become obsessive (6+ hours online and book research per day for months) and was spending a fourtune between my FS, Endo and Naturopath. One thing I came accross in my research which i couldnt ignore is how the stress was indeed a contributing factor. It was not only setting off thyroid attacks but high cortisol levels lead to a much higher MC rate. those high levels off stress are not good for your hormones at all. It may be your bodies way of avoiding pregnancy under situations of war, famine etc.

So I cut back my online time significantly, stopped not making plans incase I got pregnant, started eating what I wanted to eat again, drinking a few wines without guilt and essentially living like I wasnt trying to get pregnant. I started being more than just a women desperate for a baby.

I went to a psychologist and really talked through the anger I felt. I HATED my body and how it had betrayed me. she really stirred me up to get really angry and upset to just get it out. She told me one day 'You need to deal with the fact that you may never have children naturally, and you will survive if that is the case' ....I was messed up after that session but after a few weeks dealing with that distant possibility and looking into backup plans I actually felt better. It's like I decided the worst case senario would not destroy me.

when I actually fell pregnant again I tried to keep myself busy and catch myself before getting worked up. I would listen to relaxing music and send good vibes to my baby. I did get worked up on a few occasions when I worried about some levels, but I regained my composure and returned to the calm place. I then had a calm remainder of the pregnancy and a beautiful calm birth (see my last topic). I am now a calm mum and love and enjoy the days with my baby boy. all the crying and lack of sleep and vomiit could never lessen how incredibly lucky I feel to have him- He is spectacular!

the great news is after 1 miscarriage your chances of a successful next pregnancy is still great, so hold your head up, be gentle with yourself and try to catch youself each time you feel yourself working yourself up.

#7 2puzzled

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:52 AM

NewDay - there is a forum group here called TTC #1 after miscarriage and it has many of us who have been through what you are going through. Very sorry for your loss - it does make it hard, after all that excitement and happiness to experience the shock and sadness of miscarriage. Feel free to jump into that thread and read some experiences and share your own - you'll find plenty of support (and good news stories too!), to help you along. First thing is to stop feeling responsible though, because it is most likely is  definitely not something you have done or could have controlled. It's hard to have such a helpless feeling that you feel like you have to find a reason, to the point that you blame yourself. We've all been there I think. Chin up -  you can do this again and will have a successful pregnancy! Best wishes to you.


#8 2puzzled

Posted 25 January 2013 - 06:53 AM

Also - spring chickadee - congrats!! I just read your birth story. SO lovely. Very happy for you and your family.


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.