Jump to content

I was wrong
Control crying


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 WinterIsComing

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:14 PM

I was wrong. I never did do control crying despite my son's sleeping problems (or rather, expected infant behaviour). I swore I would teach him to sleep after 6 months, but turns out when the baby can communicate their emotions with somewhat grown up proficiency, and instead of newborn shrill, give you really desperate, heaving, choking sobs, it feels so much more cruel to let them cry! So we never did.

He is 12 months now, and sleeps soundly for most of the night - next to me. Even co-sleeping wasnt a magic bullet, it just made feeding and resettling during the night easier, but seems that progression of time has been slowly doing its work.

So I just wanted to get it out there, it was pretty short-sighted of me to be pro-CC for older children, before I got there myself! Sorry if I offended anyone. CC sucks.

Now, if only people in real life stopped commenting on my "spoling" him. He is such a happy, outgoing, social child who is a delight to have around - including in restaurants - can't they put two and two together and figure out he doesn't need any fixing?

#2 Excentrique Feral

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:16 PM

Sometimes you can do CC on your kids, and they will still be shocking sleepers.

Some people are born insomniacs.  sad.gif

#3 sedawson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:23 PM

I'm having a hard time understanding your post. You've never done controlled crying with your son who is now 12 months? So what were you wrong about?

Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors. Since then I've made the extra effort to keep my son in his cot overnight, and we're actually both sleeping better.



#4 IsolaBella

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:24 PM

Being 7m PG having a 20mo who takes 3hrs to get to sleep with you sitting beside them patting them to sleep and realising you will basically not see DH for the first 3-4m post new bubs birth, you realise something has to give (as with a NB you will not be able to devote the three hours plus at night to your eldest.

You and they must learn very quickly.

Also learned for the subsequent bus at 8-12wks of age to teach them to settle to sleep without holding (ie. patting them gently until no longer required), plus learning to distinguish between a self grizzle and upset cry.



#5 Riotproof

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:24 PM

I once heard someone say, "it's so much harder once they start calling out mummy, it makes you think thy really need you". I pointed out that they can express they need you from the minute they are born, just not with words.

As a bit of hope for you, ds really improved post 12 months.

#6 WinterIsComing

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:29 PM

QUOTE (sedawson @ 23/01/2013, 02:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm having a hard time understanding your post. You've never done controlled crying with your son who is now 12 months? So what were you wrong about?

Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors. Since then I've made the extra effort to keep my son in his cot overnight, and we're actually both sleeping better.



My post was in realtion to a few highly spirited debates here on EB, around 7-8 months ago, when my DS was little.

I didn't co-sleep regularly (in our bed) until he was 9 months due to the risks you were talking about. However, in two months prior, we did a lot of travelling where he co-slept with me on flat, firm hotel beds pushed against the wall, with great success - so once we returned home, we started co-sleeping. He was very mobile then, I wasn't worried.

#7 sedawson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:33 PM

QUOTE (WinterIsComing @ 23/01/2013, 01:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
However, in two months prior, we did a lot of travelling where he co-slept with me on flat, firm hotel beds pushed against the wall, with great success - so once we returned home, we started co-sleeping. He was very mobile then, I wasn't worried.



Ah, no worries. I'm a great believer in Managing With What's Around, so sharing a bed while travelling just makes sense.


I was thrilled to get my son out of my bed, though, he's a constant kicker. Got a kick like a mule. Awful.






#8 PigNewton

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:34 PM

QUOTE
However, in two months prior, we did a lot of travelling where he co-slept with me on flat, firm hotel beds pushed against the wall, with great success - so once we returned home, we started co-sleeping. He was very mobile then, I wasn't worried


Yeah, that part is fair enough. But saying CC sucks when you didn't actually do it is a little odd. Perhaps "Controlled Crying wasn't the way we ended up going" would be a little more accurate?
It would be like me saying "Attachment Parenting SUCKS" when I never did it (and I have no issue with AP)

ETA or better example, me saying "Cosleeping sucks" when we did actually do it, but DS is a rotten co-sleeper and it doesn't suit him

Edited by redkris, 23 January 2013 - 01:37 PM.


#9 CallMeFeral

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:36 PM

I don't remember your posts, but I think it's big of you to say you were wrong.

So much stuff is so easy to be judgemental about before you have kids - and even when you haven't had kids with those specific issues.
This has been my biggest parenthood realisation!

#10 Tesseract

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

WinterIsComing I actually remember your pro-CC posts, they stood out because I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say. Even if you can be a bit...blunt wink.gif which I kind of like anyway.

Interestingly I have sort of gone the other way. I always been in favour of only extremely gentle, totally responsive methods. But at 14 months DD was waking 6+ times a night, I was working full time, and nearly had a mental breakdown from sleep deprivation. I night weaned her over a week. As gently and lovingly as I could, but she was very unhappy and cried (but not on her own).

I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.

#11 Cat People

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:38 PM

QUOTE (sedawson @ 23/01/2013, 01:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors. Since then I've made the extra effort to keep my son in his cot overnight, and we're actually both sleeping better.



Can you give additional information?  Over what period of time?  I don't believe there were no other factors.  Unfortunately all sorts of unsafe sleeping is called co-sleeping eg sleeping on a couch, drug-affected parent, etc, etc.

OP, when I was pregnant I said I would use CC too.  I thought it sounded like a very reasonable and easy solution to sleep problems.

#12 WinterIsComing

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (redkris @ 23/01/2013, 02:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yeah, that part is fair enough. But saying CC sucks when you didn't actually do it is a little odd. Perhaps "Controlled Crying wasn't the way we ended up going" would be a little more accurate?
It would be like me saying "Attachment Parenting SUCKS" when I never did it (and I have no issue with AP)

ETA or better example, me saying "Cosleeping sucks" when we did actually do it, but DS is a rotten co-sleeper and it doesn't suit him


I meant I personally found it awful and gut-wrenching, however little I attempted to do it. I don't think anyone would enjoy it anyway, even if it quickly works for someone, they would most likely find it very upsetting, regardless! But yeah, I totally can imagine situations where the risks of NOT doing it outweigh the cons. I was lucky that the prolonged sleep deprivation I experienced didn't affect my mental health.


QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WinterIsComing I actually remember your pro-CC posts, they stood out because I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say. Even if you can be a bit...blunt wink.gif which I kind of like anyway.

Interestingly I have sort of gone the other way. I always been in favour of only extremely gentle, totally responsive methods. But at 14 months DD was waking 6+ times a night, I was working full time, and nearly had a mental breakdown from sleep deprivation. I night weaned her over a week. As gently and lovingly as I could, but she was very unhappy and cried (but not on her own).

I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.



I think night weaning gradually, after 12 months, still falls under gentle methods? original.gif I've been thinking about it, but DS only normally feeds around 11 pm and then 5 am, so I am cool with that for now - at least, until he is properly eating solids.



#13 Mummy Em

Posted 23 January 2013 - 04:12 PM

I <3 this thread.

QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/01/2013, 11:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WinterIsComing I actually remember your pro-CC posts, they stood out because I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say. Even if you can be a bit...blunt wink.gif which I kind of like anyway.

Interestingly I have sort of gone the other way. I always been in favour of only extremely gentle, totally responsive methods. But at 14 months DD was waking 6+ times a night, I was working full time, and nearly had a mental breakdown from sleep deprivation. I night weaned her over a week. As gently and lovingly as I could, but she was very unhappy and cried (but not on her own).

I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.


My dd2 is nearly 14 months and we will be doing this very soon, too. I hate it, but I will be there to hold her so all will be well.

#14 Feral_Pooks

Posted 23 January 2013 - 05:56 PM

QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.


This sums up my position exactly.

#15 Spring Chickadee

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

QUOTE
I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.


this is how I feel now. Pre-pregnancy, during pregnancy and early parenthood I felt very strongly against CC in a 'How could you do that to your child?!' kind of way. Now that I have met other mum's through Mother group and heard their stories I understand that some people can't cope with the lack of sleep and somethings got to give. In my situation its highly unlikily I will do CC though.

QUOTE
Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors.


I would really appreciate if you could point me in the direction of this info. I co-sleep from about 4am onwards following all the safe co-sleeping recommendations.

Edited by Spring Chickadee, 23 January 2013 - 06:34 PM.


#16 sedawson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 08:10 PM

QUOTE (Spring Chickadee @ 23/01/2013, 06:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would really appreciate if you could point me in the direction of this info. I co-sleep from about 4am onwards following all the safe co-sleeping recommendations.


Hi Spring Chickadee. I was informed of this by my two Child Health nurses at an infants' sleep group held last week in my home town. One nurse has a master's in midwifery and did her final project on child sleeping practices in Australia, the other worked at Tweddle until recently. In light of their credentials I didn't ask for references for this piece of information, as I have no reason to doubt it.

None of this is meant to sound huffy by the way, I also like to check facts when I hear them from strangers, but under these circumstances I simply accept that it is true. Apparently this statistic is unique to Tasmania and it's been proposed that maybe our colder climate down here means we use more doonas and bedding than other states?

#17 Cat People

Posted 23 January 2013 - 09:14 PM

QUOTE (sedawson @ 23/01/2013, 08:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi Spring Chickadee. I was informed of this by my two Child Health nurses at an infants' sleep group held last week in my home town. One nurse has a master's in midwifery and did her final project on child sleeping practices in Australia, the other worked at Tweddle until recently. In light of their credentials I didn't ask for references for this piece of information, as I have no reason to doubt it.

None of this is meant to sound huffy by the way, I also like to check facts when I hear them from strangers, but under these circumstances I simply accept that it is true. Apparently this statistic is unique to Tasmania and it's been proposed that maybe our colder climate down here means we use more doonas and bedding than other states?



I'm afraid I would need more proof.  It doesn't fit anything I have read.  For example, in WA in two and half years there has been 29 co-sleeping deaths (infants) out of 54 sleeping deaths.  By co-sleeping they mean sharing the same surface ie bed, sofa.  All of them had other risk factors - infant or environment.   The mother smoking during pregnancy was also a big factor.  Some of the families were also known to DoCS.  Alcohol and medication was also a factor in some.  An infant risk would include the child's age (from memory 1-4 mths is the most dangerous period?), gender (more males) and if they child was premature.  Some of the shared sleep space included sofas, with Grandparents, and even a floor.

A quick google search reveals 15 babies died of SIDS in two years in Tasmania.  In this example - which they blamed on co-sleeping - the baby had a heart condition at the birth which they have dismissed as a factor, the baby was placed in between the parents, and they were not sleeping in their regular sleep space (a risk factor for SIDS is not sleeping in their regular sleep space ie relative's place, visiting a friend - this is whether it's in a bed or cot)  Another example - http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/break...e-1226424779327  This baby died while sleeping in the bed with her mother and two sisters; she had also been suffering from respiratory bronchiolitis, rhinovirus infection and scabies at the time of her death.  In both cases, this is not safe co-sleeping.  The majority of co-sleepers do not sleep like that.

It annoys me HPs spend time warning mothers off co-sleeping when their time could be better spent talking about SAFE co-sleeping.  Parents who fall asleep on the sofa with their babies are not planning on co-sleeping, they are doing so out of exhaustion.   Wouldn't it make more sense to set up a safe sleeping environment in your own bed?  That's what I ended up doing after finding myself falling asleep while b'feeding in bed (with the usual assortment of pillows, doonas, etc).  It's also frustrating they blame co-sleeping when even they themselves admit they can not be certain; as stated in the second article.

Safe Co-sleeping Habits - Dr Sears


#18 **Xena**

Posted 23 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 23/01/2013, 02:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can you give additional information?  Over what period of time?  I don't believe there were no other factors.  Unfortunately all sorts of unsafe sleeping is called co-sleeping eg sleeping on a couch, drug-affected parent, etc, etc.

OP, when I was pregnant I said I would use CC too.  I thought it sounded like a very reasonable and easy solution to sleep problems.


I agree, I'd like to see more evidence. I read heeeeaaappssss of information before I coslept and I never found an incident which wasn't related to other factors.

Edited by **Xena**, 24 January 2013 - 09:29 PM.


#19 sedawson

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:24 PM

I'm annoyed now too. Why would some highly qualified child health professionals present such specific information if it is inaccurate? I am assuming they have access to statistics and data that the rest of us don't, which is also a real possibility. Sigh. I think when I have a moment I'll call them and see if they can provide a reference for this. When that happens I'll repost. I was always very pro cosleeping; I mean, as a friend of mine put it, you don't see any other mammals sleeping away from their babies. I co-slept with my first son for years and didn't mind it. Four month old is sleeping much better in a cot next to my bed now, though. Each their own.  









#20 Spring Chickadee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

Co-sleeping is definitely  something I would love to be sure of. As far as my gut instinct goes- it feels right to sleep by my baby. But on an intellectual level I need to be sure it's safe.

Madame Protart- thanks so much for that info original.gif We follow the guidelines in that link plus No doonas or additional pillows. I've never been a smoker or have any other risk factors (obese, sleep deprived, heavy drinker, sleep disorders etc).

Any extra info you could give Sedawson would be brilliant!

Edited by Spring Chickadee, 24 January 2013 - 06:43 PM.


#21 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:41 PM


dp

Edited by lifehacker, 24 January 2013 - 06:41 PM.


#22 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:41 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 23/01/2013, 09:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm afraid I would need more proof.  It doesn't fit anything I have read.  For example, in WA in two and half years there has been 29 co-sleeping deaths (infants) out of 54 sleeping deaths.  By co-sleeping they mean sharing the same surface ie bed, sofa.  All of them had other risk factors - infant or environment.   The mother smoking during pregnancy was also a big factor.  Some of the families were also known to DoCS.  Alcohol and medication was also a factor in some.  An infant risk would include the child's age (from memory 1-4 mths is the most dangerous period?), gender (more males) and if they child was premature.  Some of the shared sleep space included sofas, with Grandparents, and even a floor.

A quick google search reveals 15 babies died of SIDS in two years in Tasmania.  In this example - which they blamed on co-sleeping - the baby had a heart condition at the birth which they have dismissed as a factor, the baby was placed in between the parents, and they were not sleeping in their regular sleep space (a risk factor for SIDS is not sleeping in their regular sleep space ie relative's place, visiting a friend - this is whether it's in a bed or cot)  Another example - http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/break...e-1226424779327  This baby died while sleeping in the bed with her mother and two sisters; she had also been suffering from respiratory bronchiolitis, rhinovirus infection and scabies at the time of her death.  In both cases, this is not safe co-sleeping.  The majority of co-sleepers do not sleep like that.

It annoys me HPs spend time warning mothers off co-sleeping when their time could be better spent talking about SAFE co-sleeping.  Parents who fall asleep on the sofa with their babies are not planning on co-sleeping, they are doing so out of exhaustion.   Wouldn't it make more sense to set up a safe sleeping environment in your own bed?  That's what I ended up doing after finding myself falling asleep while b'feeding in bed (with the usual assortment of pillows, doonas, etc).  It's also frustrating they blame co-sleeping when even they themselves admit they can not be certain; as stated in the second article.

Safe Co-sleeping Habits - Dr Sears


Agree 100%

I've researched a lot on this subject and have co-slept with 8 babies. I just had a discussion about this  with a midwife, there are so many contributing factors smoking, alcohol, drugs, unsafe sleeping surfaces etc






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Recall: Another cot deemed unsafe

Parents are being warned to check their baby's cot is not one of those which have been recalled in recent weeks due to safety concerns.

The truth about breastfeeding and weightloss

Celebrities often state that their post-baby weight loss is down to breastfeeding, and breastfeeding alone. But that's not the reality for all women.

10 weird things little kids do

Most kids have their own personal brand of oddity. It's usually nothing to worry about, but every now and again you might find yourself scratching your head and asking, ?Really? Is that really a thing??

The app that helps detect signs of autism

Parents can assess their children's progress at critical developmental stages, thanks to this new app.

Long battle to learn the truth about Ariana's birth

Cerise and Tim Lawn spent two years fighting to find out how a healthy pregnancy turned into a nightmare birth, and why their daughter now suffers from disabilities she shouldn't have.

Christina Aguilera announces daughter's name

Christina Aguilera and her fiance, Matt Rutler, have welcomed their daughter into the world.

Couple caught in surrogacy crackdown

An Australian couple caught up in Thailand's surrogacy crackdown have said many parents are distraught and facing dire financial difficulties as are they are unable to bring their surrogate-born babies home.

'Tired' mum dies of undiagnosed diabetes

New mum Nicky Rigby thought her exhaustion was due to the demands of looking after her baby. But the 26-year-old was seriously ill with diabetes, and died due to her condition not being diagnosed.

5 co-sleeping myths busted

In case you are co-sleeping with your baby, and all the ?helpful? advice from others is sending you down the slippery slope of self-doubt, let?s bust a few myths on the topic.

When pregnancy takes you down memory lane

One mum-to-be discovers pregnancy hormones can give rise to some surprising emotions.

What?s your love language?

The secret to making your partner feel special is to know which language of love they favour ? and it?s the same for your kids, too.

Returning to exercise after a caesarean

I had my daughter four months ago via caesarean, and I want to get back into exercise. What are some good first steps I can take?

20 signs of a great relationship

The secret to a perfect relationship is admitting you are wrong after an argument, five kisses a day and sex twice a week, a new survey suggests.

Video: emotional 60-second Robin Williams tribute

Take a minute to remember some of the greatest films of your childhood ... and have a few tissues close at hand.

The realities of escaping domestic violence

?Why doesn?t she just leave?? is the common question people ask when trying to understand domestic violence. For many, leaving the relationship is far from straightforward.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Mum gives birth at school

Whether they're out of favour traditional names, or the parents were a little creative, here are the least popular names of 2013.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.