Jump to content

I was wrong
Control crying


  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 WinterIsComing

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:14 PM

I was wrong. I never did do control crying despite my son's sleeping problems (or rather, expected infant behaviour). I swore I would teach him to sleep after 6 months, but turns out when the baby can communicate their emotions with somewhat grown up proficiency, and instead of newborn shrill, give you really desperate, heaving, choking sobs, it feels so much more cruel to let them cry! So we never did.

He is 12 months now, and sleeps soundly for most of the night - next to me. Even co-sleeping wasnt a magic bullet, it just made feeding and resettling during the night easier, but seems that progression of time has been slowly doing its work.

So I just wanted to get it out there, it was pretty short-sighted of me to be pro-CC for older children, before I got there myself! Sorry if I offended anyone. CC sucks.

Now, if only people in real life stopped commenting on my "spoling" him. He is such a happy, outgoing, social child who is a delight to have around - including in restaurants - can't they put two and two together and figure out he doesn't need any fixing?

#2 Lady Excentrique

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:16 PM

Sometimes you can do CC on your kids, and they will still be shocking sleepers.

Some people are born insomniacs.  sad.gif

#3 sedawson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:23 PM

I'm having a hard time understanding your post. You've never done controlled crying with your son who is now 12 months? So what were you wrong about?

Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors. Since then I've made the extra effort to keep my son in his cot overnight, and we're actually both sleeping better.



#4 Isolabella

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:24 PM

Being 7m PG having a 20mo who takes 3hrs to get to sleep with you sitting beside them patting them to sleep and realising you will basically not see DH for the first 3-4m post new bubs birth, you realise something has to give (as with a NB you will not be able to devote the three hours plus at night to your eldest.

You and they must learn very quickly.

Also learned for the subsequent bus at 8-12wks of age to teach them to settle to sleep without holding (ie. patting them gently until no longer required), plus learning to distinguish between a self grizzle and upset cry.



#5 Riotproof

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:24 PM

I once heard someone say, "it's so much harder once they start calling out mummy, it makes you think thy really need you". I pointed out that they can express they need you from the minute they are born, just not with words.

As a bit of hope for you, ds really improved post 12 months.

#6 WinterIsComing

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:29 PM

QUOTE (sedawson @ 23/01/2013, 02:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm having a hard time understanding your post. You've never done controlled crying with your son who is now 12 months? So what were you wrong about?

Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors. Since then I've made the extra effort to keep my son in his cot overnight, and we're actually both sleeping better.



My post was in realtion to a few highly spirited debates here on EB, around 7-8 months ago, when my DS was little.

I didn't co-sleep regularly (in our bed) until he was 9 months due to the risks you were talking about. However, in two months prior, we did a lot of travelling where he co-slept with me on flat, firm hotel beds pushed against the wall, with great success - so once we returned home, we started co-sleeping. He was very mobile then, I wasn't worried.

#7 sedawson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:33 PM

QUOTE (WinterIsComing @ 23/01/2013, 01:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
However, in two months prior, we did a lot of travelling where he co-slept with me on flat, firm hotel beds pushed against the wall, with great success - so once we returned home, we started co-sleeping. He was very mobile then, I wasn't worried.



Ah, no worries. I'm a great believer in Managing With What's Around, so sharing a bed while travelling just makes sense.


I was thrilled to get my son out of my bed, though, he's a constant kicker. Got a kick like a mule. Awful.






#8 CourtesanNewton

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:34 PM

QUOTE
However, in two months prior, we did a lot of travelling where he co-slept with me on flat, firm hotel beds pushed against the wall, with great success - so once we returned home, we started co-sleeping. He was very mobile then, I wasn't worried


Yeah, that part is fair enough. But saying CC sucks when you didn't actually do it is a little odd. Perhaps "Controlled Crying wasn't the way we ended up going" would be a little more accurate?
It would be like me saying "Attachment Parenting SUCKS" when I never did it (and I have no issue with AP)

ETA or better example, me saying "Cosleeping sucks" when we did actually do it, but DS is a rotten co-sleeper and it doesn't suit him

Edited by redkris, 23 January 2013 - 01:37 PM.


#9 CallMeFeral

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:36 PM

I don't remember your posts, but I think it's big of you to say you were wrong.

So much stuff is so easy to be judgemental about before you have kids - and even when you haven't had kids with those specific issues.
This has been my biggest parenthood realisation!

#10 Tesseract

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

WinterIsComing I actually remember your pro-CC posts, they stood out because I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say. Even if you can be a bit...blunt wink.gif which I kind of like anyway.

Interestingly I have sort of gone the other way. I always been in favour of only extremely gentle, totally responsive methods. But at 14 months DD was waking 6+ times a night, I was working full time, and nearly had a mental breakdown from sleep deprivation. I night weaned her over a week. As gently and lovingly as I could, but she was very unhappy and cried (but not on her own).

I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.

#11 WinterIsComing

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (redkris @ 23/01/2013, 02:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yeah, that part is fair enough. But saying CC sucks when you didn't actually do it is a little odd. Perhaps "Controlled Crying wasn't the way we ended up going" would be a little more accurate?
It would be like me saying "Attachment Parenting SUCKS" when I never did it (and I have no issue with AP)

ETA or better example, me saying "Cosleeping sucks" when we did actually do it, but DS is a rotten co-sleeper and it doesn't suit him


I meant I personally found it awful and gut-wrenching, however little I attempted to do it. I don't think anyone would enjoy it anyway, even if it quickly works for someone, they would most likely find it very upsetting, regardless! But yeah, I totally can imagine situations where the risks of NOT doing it outweigh the cons. I was lucky that the prolonged sleep deprivation I experienced didn't affect my mental health.


QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WinterIsComing I actually remember your pro-CC posts, they stood out because I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say. Even if you can be a bit...blunt wink.gif which I kind of like anyway.

Interestingly I have sort of gone the other way. I always been in favour of only extremely gentle, totally responsive methods. But at 14 months DD was waking 6+ times a night, I was working full time, and nearly had a mental breakdown from sleep deprivation. I night weaned her over a week. As gently and lovingly as I could, but she was very unhappy and cried (but not on her own).

I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.



I think night weaning gradually, after 12 months, still falls under gentle methods? original.gif I've been thinking about it, but DS only normally feeds around 11 pm and then 5 am, so I am cool with that for now - at least, until he is properly eating solids.



#12 Mummy Em

Posted 23 January 2013 - 04:12 PM

I <3 this thread.

QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/01/2013, 11:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WinterIsComing I actually remember your pro-CC posts, they stood out because I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say. Even if you can be a bit...blunt wink.gif which I kind of like anyway.

Interestingly I have sort of gone the other way. I always been in favour of only extremely gentle, totally responsive methods. But at 14 months DD was waking 6+ times a night, I was working full time, and nearly had a mental breakdown from sleep deprivation. I night weaned her over a week. As gently and lovingly as I could, but she was very unhappy and cried (but not on her own).

I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.


My dd2 is nearly 14 months and we will be doing this very soon, too. I hate it, but I will be there to hold her so all will be well.

#13 Feral_Pooks

Posted 23 January 2013 - 05:56 PM

QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.


This sums up my position exactly.

#14 Spring Chickadee

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

QUOTE
I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.


this is how I feel now. Pre-pregnancy, during pregnancy and early parenthood I felt very strongly against CC in a 'How could you do that to your child?!' kind of way. Now that I have met other mum's through Mother group and heard their stories I understand that some people can't cope with the lack of sleep and somethings got to give. In my situation its highly unlikily I will do CC though.

QUOTE
Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors.


I would really appreciate if you could point me in the direction of this info. I co-sleep from about 4am onwards following all the safe co-sleeping recommendations.

Edited by Spring Chickadee, 23 January 2013 - 06:34 PM.


#15 sedawson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 08:10 PM

QUOTE (Spring Chickadee @ 23/01/2013, 06:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would really appreciate if you could point me in the direction of this info. I co-sleep from about 4am onwards following all the safe co-sleeping recommendations.


Hi Spring Chickadee. I was informed of this by my two Child Health nurses at an infants' sleep group held last week in my home town. One nurse has a master's in midwifery and did her final project on child sleeping practices in Australia, the other worked at Tweddle until recently. In light of their credentials I didn't ask for references for this piece of information, as I have no reason to doubt it.

None of this is meant to sound huffy by the way, I also like to check facts when I hear them from strangers, but under these circumstances I simply accept that it is true. Apparently this statistic is unique to Tasmania and it's been proposed that maybe our colder climate down here means we use more doonas and bedding than other states?

#16 **Xena**

Posted 23 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 23/01/2013, 02:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can you give additional information?  Over what period of time?  I don't believe there were no other factors.  Unfortunately all sorts of unsafe sleeping is called co-sleeping eg sleeping on a couch, drug-affected parent, etc, etc.

OP, when I was pregnant I said I would use CC too.  I thought it sounded like a very reasonable and easy solution to sleep problems.


I agree, I'd like to see more evidence. I read heeeeaaappssss of information before I coslept and I never found an incident which wasn't related to other factors.

Edited by **Xena**, 24 January 2013 - 09:29 PM.


#17 sedawson

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:24 PM

I'm annoyed now too. Why would some highly qualified child health professionals present such specific information if it is inaccurate? I am assuming they have access to statistics and data that the rest of us don't, which is also a real possibility. Sigh. I think when I have a moment I'll call them and see if they can provide a reference for this. When that happens I'll repost. I was always very pro cosleeping; I mean, as a friend of mine put it, you don't see any other mammals sleeping away from their babies. I co-slept with my first son for years and didn't mind it. Four month old is sleeping much better in a cot next to my bed now, though. Each their own.  









#18 Spring Chickadee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

Co-sleeping is definitely  something I would love to be sure of. As far as my gut instinct goes- it feels right to sleep by my baby. But on an intellectual level I need to be sure it's safe.

Madame Protart- thanks so much for that info original.gif We follow the guidelines in that link plus No doonas or additional pillows. I've never been a smoker or have any other risk factors (obese, sleep deprived, heavy drinker, sleep disorders etc).

Any extra info you could give Sedawson would be brilliant!

Edited by Spring Chickadee, 24 January 2013 - 06:43 PM.


#19 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:41 PM


dp

Edited by lifehacker, 24 January 2013 - 06:41 PM.


#20 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:41 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 23/01/2013, 09:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm afraid I would need more proof.  It doesn't fit anything I have read.  For example, in WA in two and half years there has been 29 co-sleeping deaths (infants) out of 54 sleeping deaths.  By co-sleeping they mean sharing the same surface ie bed, sofa.  All of them had other risk factors - infant or environment.   The mother smoking during pregnancy was also a big factor.  Some of the families were also known to DoCS.  Alcohol and medication was also a factor in some.  An infant risk would include the child's age (from memory 1-4 mths is the most dangerous period?), gender (more males) and if they child was premature.  Some of the shared sleep space included sofas, with Grandparents, and even a floor.

A quick google search reveals 15 babies died of SIDS in two years in Tasmania.  In this example - which they blamed on co-sleeping - the baby had a heart condition at the birth which they have dismissed as a factor, the baby was placed in between the parents, and they were not sleeping in their regular sleep space (a risk factor for SIDS is not sleeping in their regular sleep space ie relative's place, visiting a friend - this is whether it's in a bed or cot)  Another example - http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/break...e-1226424779327  This baby died while sleeping in the bed with her mother and two sisters; she had also been suffering from respiratory bronchiolitis, rhinovirus infection and scabies at the time of her death.  In both cases, this is not safe co-sleeping.  The majority of co-sleepers do not sleep like that.

It annoys me HPs spend time warning mothers off co-sleeping when their time could be better spent talking about SAFE co-sleeping.  Parents who fall asleep on the sofa with their babies are not planning on co-sleeping, they are doing so out of exhaustion.   Wouldn't it make more sense to set up a safe sleeping environment in your own bed?  That's what I ended up doing after finding myself falling asleep while b'feeding in bed (with the usual assortment of pillows, doonas, etc).  It's also frustrating they blame co-sleeping when even they themselves admit they can not be certain; as stated in the second article.

Safe Co-sleeping Habits - Dr Sears


Agree 100%

I've researched a lot on this subject and have co-slept with 8 babies. I just had a discussion about this  with a midwife, there are so many contributing factors smoking, alcohol, drugs, unsafe sleeping surfaces etc






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Abbott's childcare changes will 'reduce access and add complexity'

The government's childcare assistance package threatens to confuse and intimidate many parents, experts say.

Be careful what you wish for

Remember that chubby little baby who rocked on all fours? Remember how you wished he would start to crawl? Then remember how you felt once he did?

William Tyrrell's parents plead for information as anniversary looms

As the one-year anniversary of William Tyrrell's disappearance draws near, the missing four-year-old's parents have again pleaded with the public for information that could help bring their son home.

Family sleepovers: a tribute to my 1970s childhood

My memories of those nights in my childhood are all about fun: sleepover excitement, staying up late, watching movies we probably weren't supposed to watch ... freedom.

43 minutes of terror: family's agonising wait for ambulance for toddler

It was terrifying. As the minutes ticked by little Cooper Harrison's parents felt more and more frantic.

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Mummydesking: the new hotdesking

It is a paradise that only working parents of small children can understand: a place to sit for three hours without any interruptions while someone looks after the kids.

Charlize Theron adopts baby girl

A few months after splitting from Sean Penn, the actress Charlize Theron has adopted a baby girl.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg shares painful truth behind wife's pregnancy

Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has shared a brutally honest truth about pregnancy in the hope it will help others through dark periods.  

Sugary drinks blamed for removal of toddlers' rotten teeth

Children as young as 18 months are having multiple rotten teeth pulled out as parents feed toddlers soft drinks through sipper bottles, and chocolate biscuits and Milo as bedtime treats.

Mum accidentally fake tans baby

Many of us have fallen foul of a bad fake tan or two, but this little guy's started a bit earlier than most.

Does this three-month-old say 'I love you'?

YouTube user Ted Moskalenko was filmed by his wife, Michelle, as his baby son, Ben, engaged in some baby chat.

Kids break out of daycare centre, cross busy highway

Two children broke out of an early childhood centre and wandered across a four-lane road.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Newborn found in toilet at German airport

A newborn baby found abandoned and extremely ill in a bathroom in the Munich airport is doing well.

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.