Jump to content

I was wrong
Control crying


  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 WinterIsComing

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:14 PM

I was wrong. I never did do control crying despite my son's sleeping problems (or rather, expected infant behaviour). I swore I would teach him to sleep after 6 months, but turns out when the baby can communicate their emotions with somewhat grown up proficiency, and instead of newborn shrill, give you really desperate, heaving, choking sobs, it feels so much more cruel to let them cry! So we never did.

He is 12 months now, and sleeps soundly for most of the night - next to me. Even co-sleeping wasnt a magic bullet, it just made feeding and resettling during the night easier, but seems that progression of time has been slowly doing its work.

So I just wanted to get it out there, it was pretty short-sighted of me to be pro-CC for older children, before I got there myself! Sorry if I offended anyone. CC sucks.

Now, if only people in real life stopped commenting on my "spoling" him. He is such a happy, outgoing, social child who is a delight to have around - including in restaurants - can't they put two and two together and figure out he doesn't need any fixing?

#2 Lady Excentrique

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:16 PM

Sometimes you can do CC on your kids, and they will still be shocking sleepers.

Some people are born insomniacs.  sad.gif

#3 sedawson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:23 PM

I'm having a hard time understanding your post. You've never done controlled crying with your son who is now 12 months? So what were you wrong about?

Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors. Since then I've made the extra effort to keep my son in his cot overnight, and we're actually both sleeping better.



#4 IsolaBella

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:24 PM

Being 7m PG having a 20mo who takes 3hrs to get to sleep with you sitting beside them patting them to sleep and realising you will basically not see DH for the first 3-4m post new bubs birth, you realise something has to give (as with a NB you will not be able to devote the three hours plus at night to your eldest.

You and they must learn very quickly.

Also learned for the subsequent bus at 8-12wks of age to teach them to settle to sleep without holding (ie. patting them gently until no longer required), plus learning to distinguish between a self grizzle and upset cry.



#5 Riotproof

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:24 PM

I once heard someone say, "it's so much harder once they start calling out mummy, it makes you think thy really need you". I pointed out that they can express they need you from the minute they are born, just not with words.

As a bit of hope for you, ds really improved post 12 months.

#6 WinterIsComing

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:29 PM

QUOTE (sedawson @ 23/01/2013, 02:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm having a hard time understanding your post. You've never done controlled crying with your son who is now 12 months? So what were you wrong about?

Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors. Since then I've made the extra effort to keep my son in his cot overnight, and we're actually both sleeping better.



My post was in realtion to a few highly spirited debates here on EB, around 7-8 months ago, when my DS was little.

I didn't co-sleep regularly (in our bed) until he was 9 months due to the risks you were talking about. However, in two months prior, we did a lot of travelling where he co-slept with me on flat, firm hotel beds pushed against the wall, with great success - so once we returned home, we started co-sleeping. He was very mobile then, I wasn't worried.

#7 sedawson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:33 PM

QUOTE (WinterIsComing @ 23/01/2013, 01:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
However, in two months prior, we did a lot of travelling where he co-slept with me on flat, firm hotel beds pushed against the wall, with great success - so once we returned home, we started co-sleeping. He was very mobile then, I wasn't worried.



Ah, no worries. I'm a great believer in Managing With What's Around, so sharing a bed while travelling just makes sense.


I was thrilled to get my son out of my bed, though, he's a constant kicker. Got a kick like a mule. Awful.






#8 CourtesanNewton

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:34 PM

QUOTE
However, in two months prior, we did a lot of travelling where he co-slept with me on flat, firm hotel beds pushed against the wall, with great success - so once we returned home, we started co-sleeping. He was very mobile then, I wasn't worried


Yeah, that part is fair enough. But saying CC sucks when you didn't actually do it is a little odd. Perhaps "Controlled Crying wasn't the way we ended up going" would be a little more accurate?
It would be like me saying "Attachment Parenting SUCKS" when I never did it (and I have no issue with AP)

ETA or better example, me saying "Cosleeping sucks" when we did actually do it, but DS is a rotten co-sleeper and it doesn't suit him

Edited by redkris, 23 January 2013 - 01:37 PM.


#9 CallMeFeral

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:36 PM

I don't remember your posts, but I think it's big of you to say you were wrong.

So much stuff is so easy to be judgemental about before you have kids - and even when you haven't had kids with those specific issues.
This has been my biggest parenthood realisation!

#10 Tesseract

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:37 PM

WinterIsComing I actually remember your pro-CC posts, they stood out because I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say. Even if you can be a bit...blunt wink.gif which I kind of like anyway.

Interestingly I have sort of gone the other way. I always been in favour of only extremely gentle, totally responsive methods. But at 14 months DD was waking 6+ times a night, I was working full time, and nearly had a mental breakdown from sleep deprivation. I night weaned her over a week. As gently and lovingly as I could, but she was very unhappy and cried (but not on her own).

I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.

#11 WinterIsComing

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (redkris @ 23/01/2013, 02:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yeah, that part is fair enough. But saying CC sucks when you didn't actually do it is a little odd. Perhaps "Controlled Crying wasn't the way we ended up going" would be a little more accurate?
It would be like me saying "Attachment Parenting SUCKS" when I never did it (and I have no issue with AP)

ETA or better example, me saying "Cosleeping sucks" when we did actually do it, but DS is a rotten co-sleeper and it doesn't suit him


I meant I personally found it awful and gut-wrenching, however little I attempted to do it. I don't think anyone would enjoy it anyway, even if it quickly works for someone, they would most likely find it very upsetting, regardless! But yeah, I totally can imagine situations where the risks of NOT doing it outweigh the cons. I was lucky that the prolonged sleep deprivation I experienced didn't affect my mental health.


QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WinterIsComing I actually remember your pro-CC posts, they stood out because I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say. Even if you can be a bit...blunt wink.gif which I kind of like anyway.

Interestingly I have sort of gone the other way. I always been in favour of only extremely gentle, totally responsive methods. But at 14 months DD was waking 6+ times a night, I was working full time, and nearly had a mental breakdown from sleep deprivation. I night weaned her over a week. As gently and lovingly as I could, but she was very unhappy and cried (but not on her own).

I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.



I think night weaning gradually, after 12 months, still falls under gentle methods? original.gif I've been thinking about it, but DS only normally feeds around 11 pm and then 5 am, so I am cool with that for now - at least, until he is properly eating solids.



#12 Mummy Em

Posted 23 January 2013 - 04:12 PM

I <3 this thread.

QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/01/2013, 11:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WinterIsComing I actually remember your pro-CC posts, they stood out because I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say. Even if you can be a bit...blunt wink.gif which I kind of like anyway.

Interestingly I have sort of gone the other way. I always been in favour of only extremely gentle, totally responsive methods. But at 14 months DD was waking 6+ times a night, I was working full time, and nearly had a mental breakdown from sleep deprivation. I night weaned her over a week. As gently and lovingly as I could, but she was very unhappy and cried (but not on her own).

I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.


My dd2 is nearly 14 months and we will be doing this very soon, too. I hate it, but I will be there to hold her so all will be well.

#13 Feral_Pooks

Posted 23 January 2013 - 05:56 PM

QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/01/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.


This sums up my position exactly.

#14 Spring Chickadee

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

QUOTE
I'm still totally pro-gentle methods, but I have recognised that sometimes families need to weigh up the risks and benefits. And it's not for me to say when another family has reached that point. I just hope that every family makes the decision with full information.


this is how I feel now. Pre-pregnancy, during pregnancy and early parenthood I felt very strongly against CC in a 'How could you do that to your child?!' kind of way. Now that I have met other mum's through Mother group and heard their stories I understand that some people can't cope with the lack of sleep and somethings got to give. In my situation its highly unlikily I will do CC though.

QUOTE
Also I co-slept until recently, when I found out that there were 19 infant deaths in my state that were inferentially attributed to co-sleeping. There were no other obvious contributing factors.


I would really appreciate if you could point me in the direction of this info. I co-sleep from about 4am onwards following all the safe co-sleeping recommendations.

Edited by Spring Chickadee, 23 January 2013 - 06:34 PM.


#15 sedawson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 08:10 PM

QUOTE (Spring Chickadee @ 23/01/2013, 06:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would really appreciate if you could point me in the direction of this info. I co-sleep from about 4am onwards following all the safe co-sleeping recommendations.


Hi Spring Chickadee. I was informed of this by my two Child Health nurses at an infants' sleep group held last week in my home town. One nurse has a master's in midwifery and did her final project on child sleeping practices in Australia, the other worked at Tweddle until recently. In light of their credentials I didn't ask for references for this piece of information, as I have no reason to doubt it.

None of this is meant to sound huffy by the way, I also like to check facts when I hear them from strangers, but under these circumstances I simply accept that it is true. Apparently this statistic is unique to Tasmania and it's been proposed that maybe our colder climate down here means we use more doonas and bedding than other states?

#16 **Xena**

Posted 23 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 23/01/2013, 02:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can you give additional information?  Over what period of time?  I don't believe there were no other factors.  Unfortunately all sorts of unsafe sleeping is called co-sleeping eg sleeping on a couch, drug-affected parent, etc, etc.

OP, when I was pregnant I said I would use CC too.  I thought it sounded like a very reasonable and easy solution to sleep problems.


I agree, I'd like to see more evidence. I read heeeeaaappssss of information before I coslept and I never found an incident which wasn't related to other factors.

Edited by **Xena**, 24 January 2013 - 09:29 PM.


#17 sedawson

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:24 PM

I'm annoyed now too. Why would some highly qualified child health professionals present such specific information if it is inaccurate? I am assuming they have access to statistics and data that the rest of us don't, which is also a real possibility. Sigh. I think when I have a moment I'll call them and see if they can provide a reference for this. When that happens I'll repost. I was always very pro cosleeping; I mean, as a friend of mine put it, you don't see any other mammals sleeping away from their babies. I co-slept with my first son for years and didn't mind it. Four month old is sleeping much better in a cot next to my bed now, though. Each their own.  









#18 Spring Chickadee

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

Co-sleeping is definitely  something I would love to be sure of. As far as my gut instinct goes- it feels right to sleep by my baby. But on an intellectual level I need to be sure it's safe.

Madame Protart- thanks so much for that info original.gif We follow the guidelines in that link plus No doonas or additional pillows. I've never been a smoker or have any other risk factors (obese, sleep deprived, heavy drinker, sleep disorders etc).

Any extra info you could give Sedawson would be brilliant!

Edited by Spring Chickadee, 24 January 2013 - 06:43 PM.


#19 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:41 PM


dp

Edited by lifehacker, 24 January 2013 - 06:41 PM.


#20 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:41 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 23/01/2013, 09:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm afraid I would need more proof.  It doesn't fit anything I have read.  For example, in WA in two and half years there has been 29 co-sleeping deaths (infants) out of 54 sleeping deaths.  By co-sleeping they mean sharing the same surface ie bed, sofa.  All of them had other risk factors - infant or environment.   The mother smoking during pregnancy was also a big factor.  Some of the families were also known to DoCS.  Alcohol and medication was also a factor in some.  An infant risk would include the child's age (from memory 1-4 mths is the most dangerous period?), gender (more males) and if they child was premature.  Some of the shared sleep space included sofas, with Grandparents, and even a floor.

A quick google search reveals 15 babies died of SIDS in two years in Tasmania.  In this example - which they blamed on co-sleeping - the baby had a heart condition at the birth which they have dismissed as a factor, the baby was placed in between the parents, and they were not sleeping in their regular sleep space (a risk factor for SIDS is not sleeping in their regular sleep space ie relative's place, visiting a friend - this is whether it's in a bed or cot)  Another example - http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/break...e-1226424779327  This baby died while sleeping in the bed with her mother and two sisters; she had also been suffering from respiratory bronchiolitis, rhinovirus infection and scabies at the time of her death.  In both cases, this is not safe co-sleeping.  The majority of co-sleepers do not sleep like that.

It annoys me HPs spend time warning mothers off co-sleeping when their time could be better spent talking about SAFE co-sleeping.  Parents who fall asleep on the sofa with their babies are not planning on co-sleeping, they are doing so out of exhaustion.   Wouldn't it make more sense to set up a safe sleeping environment in your own bed?  That's what I ended up doing after finding myself falling asleep while b'feeding in bed (with the usual assortment of pillows, doonas, etc).  It's also frustrating they blame co-sleeping when even they themselves admit they can not be certain; as stated in the second article.

Safe Co-sleeping Habits - Dr Sears


Agree 100%

I've researched a lot on this subject and have co-slept with 8 babies. I just had a discussion about this  with a midwife, there are so many contributing factors smoking, alcohol, drugs, unsafe sleeping surfaces etc






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Australia's top baby names of 2014

The numbers have been crunched and it's official: Australian parents are having a bit of an 'O' moment.

As a guilty mum: the best advice for treating head lice

Just like a horror movie ... THEY'RE BAAAAAACK. So what works in treating and avoiding head lice and nits?

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

Confirmed: Kate Middleton is in labour

The Duchess of Cambridge is in the early stages of labor at St Mary's Hospital.

Baby-led weaning worked for us

My baby wasn't interested in food - until we tried something new. Now she's eating it all, and it often comes from my plate.

Parenting an early walker

Watching your child take their first wobbly steps is one of the best parenting highs you'll ever experience. But with that high comes a new reality.

Overdue and over it

A watched womb never labours ... or at least mine didn't.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

'Paralysed bride' becomes a mum

Rachelle Friedman Chapman was preparing to marry the man of her dreams when tragedy struck four years ago.

Why the royal baby will look more like Prince Philip than Prince William

No matter what the occasion the world always seems to be waiting for Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Surprise baby born on toilet

Discovering your wife has just given birth on the toilet would be a surprise for anyone. But the shock would be even greater if neither you or your partner knew you were expecting a baby.

5 spooky photos with babies and children

These five photos show some ghostly images - but are they real? Do you believe in the spirit world?

Does it matter how much time you spend with your children?

Does spending more time with your kids help their development? This is a more complex topic than it may seem.

Rare condition diagnosed during optional scan

A mother who opted for a 4D scan late in pregnancy discovered her unborn baby had a rare brain disorder.

Cleveland captives speak about their decade of terror - and their futures

"I think we were just tired of people talking, trying to tell our stories, and they had no idea, no clue, what we went through."

Proof it's impossible to not join in a toddler's laughter

They say laughter is the best medicine. If that's true Tom Fletcher and his son should live long, healthy lives.

How I really feel about my drug-free birth

Do I feel 'smug'? No. Nor do I feel remotely superior. Each birth was valid and valuable in its own right, producing, as it did, a healthy baby.

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

The Goss

Sonia Kruger: 'One baby is enough'

The popular TV host has no plans for a sibling for her new daughter Maggie.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Playtime guide:

A new area on our site for all your playtime and learning fun with baby - specially brought to you by Fisher-Price Play IQ?. PLUS your chance to win a year's supply of toys.

Celebrate being a mum with Offspring

This Mother's Day, treat yourself to possibly winning an ultimate Mother's Day gift pack valued at $250 including the Offspring Box Set. Enter now!

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

How to play with your newborn

Even though they're immobile and can't speak, there are plenty of ways you can engage and communicate with your newborn to stimulate their physical, cognitive and emotional development.

Mum of six faked cancer to get donations, police claim

Elizabeth Edmonds' husband posted some devastating news on Facebook last year.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Cobie Smulders speaks about her battle with ovarian cancer

The 'How I Met Your Mother' star has revealed that she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 25 - and was told she'd never conceive naturally.

Essentials your child needs to grow

What does your baby need to grow up healthy? The experts give their advice.

Coroner warns of 'dangerous' cot

A UK coroner has warned of the dangers of a bedside cot after the death of a newborn baby who choked to death this month.

Building your baby's emotional and social skills through play

Babies are social beings who enjoy being around people they know and love, especially you.

Why suicide prevention is everybody's responsibility

Everyone agrees we need to do more to care for people at risk from suicide, the problem is what.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.