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looking after the neighbors kids


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#1 cheekymonkeysmum

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:55 AM

We have 2 girls that live next door they play well with ds and ds like playing with them so it's good in a way.


But it seems like every second afternoon they are here (we live in a set of 3 villas so we share a driveway)  from 3:30/ 4 - 5:30 when i tell them we have to go inside for dinner  I am usually fine with it but I never see their  Mum come out or ask them to come in I know the mums home but she never really asks me to look after the girls I just do as we live on a busy Rd so I don't want the girls to run onto the Rd.

It was the same at our last house we lived at 2 kids from next door would Pop over without my knowledge and stay all afternoon and play with ds.

I do offer them drinks and food which sometimes they do take sometimes they don't.

It's just really starting to feel like I am a door mat and free babysitting service with afternoon tea supplied.

I just don't want to say anything negative as we live so close and we see them everyday.

So what would you do in my position say something that may offend or just let it be?.

#2 Futhermore

Posted 23 January 2013 - 05:40 AM

So you are taking it upon yourself to supervise and feed these girls?  They are not actually even at your place, but in the shared area?  Just don't do it if you don't want to.  The mum hasn't asked you to, and is possibly quite happy for her girls to play outside unsupervised, and would feed them if they came inside and said they were hungry. Which they will not do if you are taking it upon yourself to offer them food.

Edited by ~maryanne~, 23 January 2013 - 05:41 AM.


#3 FauxPas

Posted 23 January 2013 - 05:56 AM


Sorry but you are taking it upon yourself to do something without being asked and then complaining about doing it.  As PP said - just don't do it if  you don't want to.  

If you do continue to do it - it is a nice thing to do and I am sure it is appreciated by the girls at least.

#4 Futhermore

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:19 AM

QUOTE (#B# @ 23/01/2013, 06:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We have the same sort of thing going on. Dont feed them, if they are hungry they can go into their own house and eat. Set boundaries tell them they can come once a week on a certain day

We have the same sort of thing going on. Dont feed them, if they are hungry they can go into their own house and eat. Set boundaries tell them they can come once a week on a certain day



My bold.  The kids are not even in the op's house or op's yard.  They are playing in the shared area, where they have every right to be.

#5 Agnodice the Feral

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:27 AM

You are offering kids food without ascertaining if they are allowed to be eating at that time, or what allergies/intolerances they have?

You are 'supervising' kids that their own mother chooses to not supervise?

Their mother is at home less than five meters from you and you have never gone to say hello?

And your question is what exactly?




#6 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:35 AM

QUOTE (cheekymonkeysmum @ 23/01/2013, 12:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We have 2 girls that live next door they play well with ds and ds like playing with them so it's good in a way.


But it seems like every second afternoon they are here (we live in a set of 3 villas so we share a driveway)  from 3:30/ 4 - 5:30 when i tell them we have to go inside for dinner  I am usually fine with it but I never see their  Mum come out or ask them to come in I know the mums home but she never really asks me to look after the girls I just do as we live on a busy Rd so I don't want the girls to run onto the Rd.

It was the same at our last house we lived at 2 kids from next door would Pop over without my knowledge and stay all afternoon and play with ds.

I do offer them drinks and food which sometimes they do take sometimes they don't.

It's just really starting to feel like I am a door mat and free babysitting service with afternoon tea supplied.

I just don't want to say anything negative as we live so close and we see them everyday.

So what would you do in my position say something that may offend or just let it be?.

well, if you are happy enough with the situation, let it continue.  If you are not, do something to change it.  It's not rocket science.

If you don't want to feed the neighbourhood kids, just say "Snack time for DS now.  How about you girls go home and have your snack while DS has his?"

As for the supervision, if you don't want the "responsibility" then you need to talk to the mother.

Sounds like this situation is of your own doing , unintentional as it may be. And if the other mum is unaware that you have this growing seething resentment towards, how is she supposed to know?

Personally, I would let it go, mainly because I doubt it would register that I might feel like a door mat and a free babysitting service.  But if you are getting jack of it, change what you are doing.

Maybe invite the mother to sit out with you and have a chat while the kids play?


#7 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:39 AM

How old are the girls?

When I was a kid (1970s) this was normal for school age kids.  We'd just go to whosever house we thought best and play until that mum sent us home.  We'd usually be given a drink and maybe a snack.  

The 6 and 4 year old next door often come in to play with my toddler (actually they really want to play with the cat) - I wouldn't give them food but I offer them a drink of water.  I just say time to go home when I need to.   Their mum trusts them to stay off the road and not wander, and they are respectful of my home so I think it's fine.

#8 FiveAus

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:59 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 23/01/2013, 07:27 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You are offering kids food without ascertaining if they are allowed to be eating at that time, or what allergies/intolerances they have?

You are 'supervising' kids that their own mother chooses to not supervise?

Their mother is at home less than five meters from you and you have never gone to say hello?

And your question is what exactly?


If they're old enough to play outside without supervision, then surely they're old enough to take care of their own intolerances. It's never actually crossed my mind to ask a child who's shown up in my kitchen to be fed what they're intolerant to, or allergic to. In my experience, those who are allergic/intolerant, and are old enough to be there without mum, are generally quite vocal about what they can and can't eat.

To the OP, just leave them be. The mum might be able to keep an eye on them from inside or she might just have a more relaxed parenting style.

#9 Jembo

Posted 23 January 2013 - 10:56 AM

Defiantely set boundaries, we have had a similar issue for many years with our neigbhours, some days I even wonder if their mum exists, where as our other neighbours kids, completely different story.

Make the playing time something that suits you, so send them away if it is too much and just say sorry not today.  I also send the kids home if they are hungry,  I certainly dont mind feeding kids but my neighbours would knock on our door, walk in and say can I have something to eat (and no they are not from a background where they might not be being fed at home).

#10 epl0822

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:34 PM

If they're at your house, why not just say "sorry kids, it's dinner time now so we'll see you tomorrow." If they're on your driveway, call your own kids in and say bye to them. You don't have to supervise/feed all the kids your own children happen to be playing with outside.




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