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Carers "lost it" today and upset DD? WWYD?


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23 replies to this topic

#1 claresydney

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:46 PM

DD was very upset after coming home from daycare this evening. She is only starting to put sentences together so she couldn't fully verbalise what was upsetting her (she is 2). After trying to comfort her, she clearly said to us suddenly in a forceful tone "you are too much work! Now go and play!" and pointed to the other end of the room.

She was obviously repeating something the carers said, either to her or another child in her room, as this is not a phrase DH and I use with her.

I don't know whether to bring this up with the carers tomorrow. They did not mention any incidences of misbehaviour on DD's part when I went to pick her up this evening.

I have been having some reservations about one of the carers. I have witnessed her losing patience with the kids on previous occasions (but I can't say for sure whether it was her who made this particular comment to the children today).

I'm only thinking of bringing this matter up with the carers because DD was obviously distressed by something which happened at daycare today. Or am I being overly sensitive, and pick my battles?

Thanks

#2 Bomber girl

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:53 PM

I would deinately bring it up. That is not right and it would be enough to make me look at other options

#3 SWMonkey

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:56 PM

I agree, definitely bring it up with the carers. Your daughter was clearly hurt and distressed  sad.gif

#4 Fright bat

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:56 PM

Overly sensitive.

Kids are astute, but also imperfect. It may be that her being 'upset' and the statement she uttered were unrelated. Kids also have imperfect memories - even at 3 when they CAN verbalise, they rarely remember everything that happened in a day without prompts.

I would be wary about raising any complaints/concerns on the basis of a vague comment by a child, which may have been directed at anyone, or not said like that at all.

You could go and ask them if anything happened that might have upset her. Maybe a kid anatched her toy. But I'd do no more.

#5 Minxybug

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:57 PM

I would bring it up with the carers and also the coordinator/director. If you are still concerned I would then be contacting the relevant agencies (sorry bit of a blank the only one I can think of is the accreditation board)

Hope that you get some answers to this

#6 B.feral3

Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:09 PM

No, I wouldn't bring it up. I'd just note it at the back of my mind and move on.



#7 item

Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:38 PM

Recently my son (who was 3, so a little bit older) told me:

"The new teacher at KU whose name starts with J told me I was a bad boy".  He didn't want to go to preschool.  A new (sub) teacher had been there the day before, her name was Jacinta or something.

I was livid.  I didn't bother with the staff - I complained to the director immediately, she encouraged me to put my complaint in writing.  While we were talking to DS he added "And Helen [another sub] says I am naughty".  The director didn't need me to complain about that - she did it herself.

My son was put under the direct supervision of another staff member for the day, and the two teachers have been told they are not welcome back at this centre.  I should add my DS has anxiety issues and sees a psychologist, so I know the damage 'harmless' but inappropriate language can do to a child.

I have no idea if any other parents ever complained about these staff members. My point is, I would make a formal complaint to the director and request the staff be counselled, at the very least.  If the carer really is speaking to children in that manner, she is in the wrong job.  If it's happening more or to other children, the director needs ammunition with which to fire her.

#8 blackbird

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:53 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 22/01/2013, 11:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Overly sensitive.

Kids are astute, but also imperfect. It may be that her being 'upset' and the statement she uttered were unrelated. Kids also have imperfect memories - even at 3 when they CAN verbalise, they rarely remember everything that happened in a day without prompts.

I would be wary about raising any complaints/concerns on the basis of a vague comment by a child, which may have been directed at anyone, or not said like that at all.

You could go and ask them if anything happened that might have upset her. Maybe a kid anatched her toy. But I'd do no more.



Actually kids have brilliant memories as they don't attach meaning to an event the simply remember it as they saw or heard it, the problem with children and memory is they can be coerced into doubting their memories and replacing them with something they think should be the memory, usually what they think an adult expects from them they will go along with (did a child eyewitness study for uni).

As the OP's child is obviously to young to be coerced into saying something like that she is recounting something most likely actually happened, I have always been good at picking up on my children's emotions to the point some have said its uncanny, its not, I just get them, maybe the OP gets her child enough to feel concern on top of what her child is actually saying.

I would mention it, however you do need to apply a bit of tact in doing so as not to get a defensive reaction.

#9 Niamh23

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:56 AM

QUOTE (item @ 23/01/2013, 12:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Recently my son (who was 3, so a little bit older) told me:

"The new teacher at KU whose name starts with J told me I was a bad boy".  He didn't want to go to preschool.  A new (sub) teacher had been there the day before, her name was Jacinta or something.

I was livid.  I didn't bother with the staff - I complained to the director immediately, she encouraged me to put my complaint in writing.  While we were talking to DS he added "And Helen [another sub] says I am naughty".  The director didn't need me to complain about that - she did it herself.

My son was put under the direct supervision of another staff member for the day, and the two teachers have been told they are not welcome back at this centre.  I should add my DS has anxiety issues and sees a psychologist, so I know the damage 'harmless' but inappropriate language can do to a child.

I have no idea if any other parents ever complained about these staff members. My point is, I would make a formal complaint to the director and request the staff be counselled, at the very least.  If the carer really is speaking to children in that manner, she is in the wrong job.  If it's happening more or to other children, the director needs ammunition with which to fire her.


I really hope they didn't sack those women based on what one child said...  blink.gif

#10 Feralishous

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:58 AM

Id complain, especially if youve seen the carer lose her temper before

#11 Bart.

Posted 23 January 2013 - 05:51 AM

QUOTE (Niamh23 @ 23/01/2013, 01:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I really hope they didn't sack those women based on what one child said...  blink.gif

That's what I hope, too.   unsure.gif All staff need a chance to prove it's not a regular thing and that they can improve.  If the Director did fire the staff after this one incident, I wouldn't want my children there because I want a centre that values its staff as well as the children.  Both my children are in daycare and the Carers can occasionally have bad days (don't we all!) but otherwise they're lovely people who I trust to look after my children.

OP, I would bring it up tactfully with the Director and just state the facts without emotion.  You are right to be concerned so just mention what your son said, what your observations have been and ask if the Director could please look into it.  Keep a personal note of all dialogue for future reference, then leave it at that.  If it comes up again, then I think you can start bringing out the mumma bear.



#12 Pearson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:06 AM

Say something, directors generally don't sack on one complaint, but if there is a series.... There was one floater in our centre who even the staff complained about. My DH is a fairly easy going guy, and is known centre wide for it. When he said something about her and some things she did, and things we noticed when she was the leader in DD's room, she got booted.

These things included leaving kids in nappies for ages, not regularly checking the nappies, yelling at them. DD was put off anyone changing her nappies for a good month, specially #2's.

#13 item

Posted 23 January 2013 - 11:58 AM

Oh, I suspect it gave her the opportunity she needed to get rid of them. I've no idea if other families had complained but the Director didn't think much of them. FWIW, they were pool casual relief carers.  There would be work for them at other centres. They weren't sacked from a permanent full time role at the centre, but they will not work there again.

#14 Buddlie

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:04 PM

I am a child cae Educator who lives and works in Perth. I am horrified to hear what when on with your child. It can be very frustrating working in child care I have been in it since 1988 and I know how hard it is to be polite and caring all the time. As a professional I would give myself some time out either by taking a 5 minute break or ask another staff member to step in for a few minutes whilst you take a few deep breaths to collect your thougts. ohmy.gif

There is no need to treat children like that if there has been an instance where they have a fight there are more positive ways to deal with it that to tell the child to go and play at the other side of the room.

The child care centre Director should definalty be informed and the room staff should be monitored to see what is happening to cause such an out break in behaviour any good centre would take it on board and deal with situation and if it continues to happen and you feel that nothing is being done take your child out of the centre.

#15 Buddlie

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:10 PM

I also agree with what Niamh said

#16 The Falcon

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:18 PM

Ordinarily I would say to just mention it casually to the staff, because your DD's recollection may not be 100% acurate for eg my DD told me she hurt her elbow because a peer pushed her off the trampoline.... Daycare do not have a trampoline

On another occasion DD told me the babies staff wouldn't let her see DS they told her to go and play, I trust the babies staff completely and mentioned it to them jokey/casually, they told me sometimes when it is DD's room's outside playtime she spends the whole time at the window to the babies room waving at DS, and they felt after a time she was better off joining in with her peers activities instead.

However since you have said you have a bad feeling about the carer, and the phrase "you are too much work" isn't something you have said at home I would suggest bringing it up with the head carer in her room first in case it can be easility explained, but if you are not happy with the response talk tot he director.

#17 TotesFeral

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:26 PM

My DD has an extremely good memory. She can randomly start talking about things that happened months ago and things that were said to her months ago. I've heard her repeat to her dolls phrases that I have said to DS. So if DD came home and said that to me I wouldn't hesitate bringing it up at daycare. It might not have been directed at her but it should not be said at all.

#18 bakesgirls

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:40 PM

For me personally, I wouldn't bother complaining, I'd just store it away in the back of my mind or future reference if it's ever needed.

If my child came home and told me that they had been told they were 'too much work', 'naughty','go away and play', or whatever, I'd probably think the educator had a point and had just become a little exasperated with my child. They are human after all, I know I get frustrated too sometimes and say things without filtering my mouth first. As long as it's not an ongoing thing or done to put my child down, I'd just leave it for now.

#19 DressageQueen

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:45 PM

I would hope if my son was being naughty he would be called on his behaviour...Why tell him he's being a good boy if he's not? I imagine it's tough enough not being able to discipline the kids like some of them probably need to be.

#20 mini mac

Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:03 PM

QUOTE (DressageQueen @ 23/01/2013, 11:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would hope if my son was being naughty he would be called on his behaviour...Why tell him he's being a good boy if he's not? I imagine it's tough enough not being able to discipline the kids like some of them probably need to be.



I agree. But I think it depends on who and how... And the personality of the child. Some don't handle any sort of critisicm or discipline very well, anxiety etc

Edited by Mini Mac, 23 January 2013 - 02:04 PM.


#21 Cath-In-SA

Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:19 PM

I would maybe start off with a comment tomorrow like "Rough day yesterday?" to the staff in her room and see what sort of reaction you get.

No need to get too formal about one comment that may or may not have been directed at your child until you know more facts.

Edited by Cath-In-SA, 23 January 2013 - 02:20 PM.


#22 Kay1

Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:33 PM

Personally I'd speak to the room leader or director and ask them to have their antennae up about it.

I have done this in the past when I witnessed some concerning behaviour by a new staff member. Turns out several other parents did the same and she left after her probation was up.

#23 Mummy Em

Posted 23 January 2013 - 04:03 PM

I would speak to either the room leader or the director, whom ever you have the better relationship with and just tell them exactly what happened. Soemthing like, "DD came home upset yesterday and she later said (the phrase), which she has never heard at home."

It's not ok for staff to speak to children in a judgemental manner.

#24 claresydney

Posted 23 January 2013 - 10:24 PM

Thanks for all the comments. I feel more comfortable in raising this with them now. Just hoping it doesn't get to the point where we have to change centres; that would put us in a bind.




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