Jump to content

Carers "lost it" today and upset DD? WWYD?


  • Please log in to reply
23 replies to this topic

#1 claresydney

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:46 PM

DD was very upset after coming home from daycare this evening. She is only starting to put sentences together so she couldn't fully verbalise what was upsetting her (she is 2). After trying to comfort her, she clearly said to us suddenly in a forceful tone "you are too much work! Now go and play!" and pointed to the other end of the room.

She was obviously repeating something the carers said, either to her or another child in her room, as this is not a phrase DH and I use with her.

I don't know whether to bring this up with the carers tomorrow. They did not mention any incidences of misbehaviour on DD's part when I went to pick her up this evening.

I have been having some reservations about one of the carers. I have witnessed her losing patience with the kids on previous occasions (but I can't say for sure whether it was her who made this particular comment to the children today).

I'm only thinking of bringing this matter up with the carers because DD was obviously distressed by something which happened at daycare today. Or am I being overly sensitive, and pick my battles?

Thanks

#2 Mrs Lannister

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:53 PM

I would deinately bring it up. That is not right and it would be enough to make me look at other options

#3 SWMonkey

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:56 PM

I agree, definitely bring it up with the carers. Your daughter was clearly hurt and distressed  sad.gif

#4 Fright bat

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:56 PM

Overly sensitive.

Kids are astute, but also imperfect. It may be that her being 'upset' and the statement she uttered were unrelated. Kids also have imperfect memories - even at 3 when they CAN verbalise, they rarely remember everything that happened in a day without prompts.

I would be wary about raising any complaints/concerns on the basis of a vague comment by a child, which may have been directed at anyone, or not said like that at all.

You could go and ask them if anything happened that might have upset her. Maybe a kid anatched her toy. But I'd do no more.

#5 Minxybug

Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:57 PM

I would bring it up with the carers and also the coordinator/director. If you are still concerned I would then be contacting the relevant agencies (sorry bit of a blank the only one I can think of is the accreditation board)

Hope that you get some answers to this

#6 B.feral3

Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:09 PM

No, I wouldn't bring it up. I'd just note it at the back of my mind and move on.



#7 item

Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:38 PM

Recently my son (who was 3, so a little bit older) told me:

"The new teacher at KU whose name starts with J told me I was a bad boy".  He didn't want to go to preschool.  A new (sub) teacher had been there the day before, her name was Jacinta or something.

I was livid.  I didn't bother with the staff - I complained to the director immediately, she encouraged me to put my complaint in writing.  While we were talking to DS he added "And Helen [another sub] says I am naughty".  The director didn't need me to complain about that - she did it herself.

My son was put under the direct supervision of another staff member for the day, and the two teachers have been told they are not welcome back at this centre.  I should add my DS has anxiety issues and sees a psychologist, so I know the damage 'harmless' but inappropriate language can do to a child.

I have no idea if any other parents ever complained about these staff members. My point is, I would make a formal complaint to the director and request the staff be counselled, at the very least.  If the carer really is speaking to children in that manner, she is in the wrong job.  If it's happening more or to other children, the director needs ammunition with which to fire her.

#8 blackbird

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:53 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 22/01/2013, 11:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Overly sensitive.

Kids are astute, but also imperfect. It may be that her being 'upset' and the statement she uttered were unrelated. Kids also have imperfect memories - even at 3 when they CAN verbalise, they rarely remember everything that happened in a day without prompts.

I would be wary about raising any complaints/concerns on the basis of a vague comment by a child, which may have been directed at anyone, or not said like that at all.

You could go and ask them if anything happened that might have upset her. Maybe a kid anatched her toy. But I'd do no more.



Actually kids have brilliant memories as they don't attach meaning to an event the simply remember it as they saw or heard it, the problem with children and memory is they can be coerced into doubting their memories and replacing them with something they think should be the memory, usually what they think an adult expects from them they will go along with (did a child eyewitness study for uni).

As the OP's child is obviously to young to be coerced into saying something like that she is recounting something most likely actually happened, I have always been good at picking up on my children's emotions to the point some have said its uncanny, its not, I just get them, maybe the OP gets her child enough to feel concern on top of what her child is actually saying.

I would mention it, however you do need to apply a bit of tact in doing so as not to get a defensive reaction.

#9 Niamh23

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:56 AM

QUOTE (item @ 23/01/2013, 12:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Recently my son (who was 3, so a little bit older) told me:

"The new teacher at KU whose name starts with J told me I was a bad boy".  He didn't want to go to preschool.  A new (sub) teacher had been there the day before, her name was Jacinta or something.

I was livid.  I didn't bother with the staff - I complained to the director immediately, she encouraged me to put my complaint in writing.  While we were talking to DS he added "And Helen [another sub] says I am naughty".  The director didn't need me to complain about that - she did it herself.

My son was put under the direct supervision of another staff member for the day, and the two teachers have been told they are not welcome back at this centre.  I should add my DS has anxiety issues and sees a psychologist, so I know the damage 'harmless' but inappropriate language can do to a child.

I have no idea if any other parents ever complained about these staff members. My point is, I would make a formal complaint to the director and request the staff be counselled, at the very least.  If the carer really is speaking to children in that manner, she is in the wrong job.  If it's happening more or to other children, the director needs ammunition with which to fire her.


I really hope they didn't sack those women based on what one child said...  blink.gif

#10 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:58 AM

Id complain, especially if youve seen the carer lose her temper before

#11 Bart.

Posted 23 January 2013 - 05:51 AM

QUOTE (Niamh23 @ 23/01/2013, 01:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I really hope they didn't sack those women based on what one child said...  blink.gif

That's what I hope, too.   unsure.gif All staff need a chance to prove it's not a regular thing and that they can improve.  If the Director did fire the staff after this one incident, I wouldn't want my children there because I want a centre that values its staff as well as the children.  Both my children are in daycare and the Carers can occasionally have bad days (don't we all!) but otherwise they're lovely people who I trust to look after my children.

OP, I would bring it up tactfully with the Director and just state the facts without emotion.  You are right to be concerned so just mention what your son said, what your observations have been and ask if the Director could please look into it.  Keep a personal note of all dialogue for future reference, then leave it at that.  If it comes up again, then I think you can start bringing out the mumma bear.



#12 Pearson

Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:06 AM

Say something, directors generally don't sack on one complaint, but if there is a series.... There was one floater in our centre who even the staff complained about. My DH is a fairly easy going guy, and is known centre wide for it. When he said something about her and some things she did, and things we noticed when she was the leader in DD's room, she got booted.

These things included leaving kids in nappies for ages, not regularly checking the nappies, yelling at them. DD was put off anyone changing her nappies for a good month, specially #2's.

#13 item

Posted 23 January 2013 - 11:58 AM

Oh, I suspect it gave her the opportunity she needed to get rid of them. I've no idea if other families had complained but the Director didn't think much of them. FWIW, they were pool casual relief carers.  There would be work for them at other centres. They weren't sacked from a permanent full time role at the centre, but they will not work there again.

#14 Buddlie

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:04 PM

I am a child cae Educator who lives and works in Perth. I am horrified to hear what when on with your child. It can be very frustrating working in child care I have been in it since 1988 and I know how hard it is to be polite and caring all the time. As a professional I would give myself some time out either by taking a 5 minute break or ask another staff member to step in for a few minutes whilst you take a few deep breaths to collect your thougts. ohmy.gif

There is no need to treat children like that if there has been an instance where they have a fight there are more positive ways to deal with it that to tell the child to go and play at the other side of the room.

The child care centre Director should definalty be informed and the room staff should be monitored to see what is happening to cause such an out break in behaviour any good centre would take it on board and deal with situation and if it continues to happen and you feel that nothing is being done take your child out of the centre.

#15 Buddlie

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:10 PM

I also agree with what Niamh said

#16 The Falcon

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:18 PM

Ordinarily I would say to just mention it casually to the staff, because your DD's recollection may not be 100% acurate for eg my DD told me she hurt her elbow because a peer pushed her off the trampoline.... Daycare do not have a trampoline

On another occasion DD told me the babies staff wouldn't let her see DS they told her to go and play, I trust the babies staff completely and mentioned it to them jokey/casually, they told me sometimes when it is DD's room's outside playtime she spends the whole time at the window to the babies room waving at DS, and they felt after a time she was better off joining in with her peers activities instead.

However since you have said you have a bad feeling about the carer, and the phrase "you are too much work" isn't something you have said at home I would suggest bringing it up with the head carer in her room first in case it can be easility explained, but if you are not happy with the response talk tot he director.

#17 TotesFeral

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:26 PM

My DD has an extremely good memory. She can randomly start talking about things that happened months ago and things that were said to her months ago. I've heard her repeat to her dolls phrases that I have said to DS. So if DD came home and said that to me I wouldn't hesitate bringing it up at daycare. It might not have been directed at her but it should not be said at all.

#18 bakesgirls

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:40 PM

For me personally, I wouldn't bother complaining, I'd just store it away in the back of my mind or future reference if it's ever needed.

If my child came home and told me that they had been told they were 'too much work', 'naughty','go away and play', or whatever, I'd probably think the educator had a point and had just become a little exasperated with my child. They are human after all, I know I get frustrated too sometimes and say things without filtering my mouth first. As long as it's not an ongoing thing or done to put my child down, I'd just leave it for now.

#19 DressageQueen

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:45 PM

I would hope if my son was being naughty he would be called on his behaviour...Why tell him he's being a good boy if he's not? I imagine it's tough enough not being able to discipline the kids like some of them probably need to be.

#20 mini mac

Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:03 PM

QUOTE (DressageQueen @ 23/01/2013, 11:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would hope if my son was being naughty he would be called on his behaviour...Why tell him he's being a good boy if he's not? I imagine it's tough enough not being able to discipline the kids like some of them probably need to be.



I agree. But I think it depends on who and how... And the personality of the child. Some don't handle any sort of critisicm or discipline very well, anxiety etc

Edited by Mini Mac, 23 January 2013 - 02:04 PM.


#21 Cath-In-SA

Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:19 PM

I would maybe start off with a comment tomorrow like "Rough day yesterday?" to the staff in her room and see what sort of reaction you get.

No need to get too formal about one comment that may or may not have been directed at your child until you know more facts.

Edited by Cath-In-SA, 23 January 2013 - 02:20 PM.


#22 Kay1

Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:33 PM

Personally I'd speak to the room leader or director and ask them to have their antennae up about it.

I have done this in the past when I witnessed some concerning behaviour by a new staff member. Turns out several other parents did the same and she left after her probation was up.

#23 Mummy Em

Posted 23 January 2013 - 04:03 PM

I would speak to either the room leader or the director, whom ever you have the better relationship with and just tell them exactly what happened. Soemthing like, "DD came home upset yesterday and she later said (the phrase), which she has never heard at home."

It's not ok for staff to speak to children in a judgemental manner.

#24 claresydney

Posted 23 January 2013 - 10:24 PM

Thanks for all the comments. I feel more comfortable in raising this with them now. Just hoping it doesn't get to the point where we have to change centres; that would put us in a bind.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Funny Father's Day cards

A little fun never goes astray when celebrating special occasions and Father's Day is no different. We've rounded up some funny Father's day cards for your husbands, fathers and other important men in your lives.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Baby and bulldog born on the same day are best friends

When Chicago mum Ivette Ivens saw a French bulldog puppy who had the same birthdate as her son Dilan, she "just knew it?s meant to be" and took him home. Five months later, puppy Farley and Dilan are the best of friends - as Ivens says, "I?m pretty sure Dilan thinks they?re both the same species, as they walk at the same level and are both going through the stage of chewing on everything.?

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.