Jump to content

Does anyone else have to do sneaky sleep feeds due to outright breast refusal?


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 deejie

Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:53 AM

I am feeling pretty down today.

I have battled intermittent bouts of breast refusal (more refusing than accepting) with DS2(13m) for 4 months. He never took a bottle or had any other milk, so I have no idea why he is this way. At 10 months, an LC I saw successfully got him back to the breast. He would feed before his day nap, before bed at night and then reverse cycle and feed all night. Frustrating, but hey, at least he was feeding.

I had a good month where he would accept the day feed before his nap after lunch, but for the past 5 days have had outright refusal. Screaming at the sight of the breast, arching his back, pushing away. He will (surprisingly) go to sleep very happily without the feed. Offering at other times of the day produces the same behaviour. Now the 7pm BF before bed is starting to go the same way sad.gif

Problem is: he will only sleep for 40min without the day feed or the feed before bed. This tells me he still *needs* it, even if he doesn't think he *wants* it (if that makes any sense). So I let him go to sleep without it, then ten minutes in to the sleep, rouse him gently and being 90% unconscious, he will happily take the feed and sleep for 2 hours through the day or do a 3-4 hour stretch until 10 or 11pm when he feeds again. A comfort feed somewhere in the night and a big one between 4-5am.

All my tricks the LC showed me are failing miserably. He will *not* feed when he is awake. Has anyone else been in this situation where their baby will only feed when they are asleep? I have no idea what to do from here sad.gif I can't help but feel terribly rejected sad.gif

I remember telling myself in the middle of his terrible breast refusal episodes that I would be thrilled just to make it to a year with this child. But now we're at 13m, I still don't feel ready to stop sad.gif

EFS

Edited by deejie, 22 January 2013 - 11:54 AM.


#2 Mummy Em

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:03 PM

Sorry to hear that. It hasn't happened to me, but i have heard of it happening to other women so you are not alone. I can't offer any ideas though, sorry.

#3 brindle

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:05 PM

Yep. My DS2 was the same from about 8 mths of age. I was keen to keep going too, but he wasn't that interested. He wasn't taking a bottle either. Just keep for food and cups... and being part of the activity around him.

I ended up BF to 12 mths, but getting him sleepy from his cot in the morning, and doing a sleepy night-time feed too. Just gave up with the day-time stuff unless he really seemed keen (usually over-tired). I figured 2 BF a day was pretty good going.

Don't feel rejected - at 13m your fella is growing up and busy. As with food, all we can do is offer - it is up to them whether they take it or not.


#4 lucky 2

Posted 22 January 2013 - 01:38 PM

Hey deejie, sorry to hear you are feeling down.
I suppose you do have options, you keep trying to get him to take feeds when he is awake and he keeps refusing or starts to take some or he doesn't and you stop offering, thus weaning has occured.
Or you keep doing the sneaky feeds if it value adds, ie longer naps, you feel better getting some breast milk into him.
What might tip you one way or the other is the impact it is having on you rather than him and I could see that a mother could forget that aspect.
Could you give him an extra magnificently nutritious snack prior to his day nap to see if that will help him sleep longer?
I think the sneaky feed in the evening is pretty ingenious.
You can continue to do that as long as you wish, I've not heard of it but kudos to you for coming up with the idea.
Or you do what I did, sort of accept the refusal (begrudingly) but refuse not to give breast milk, express and give it to him by another method, which hopefully he will take, in a cup would be the easiest for you. If he refuses the cup you could put it in his food (fresh milk ideal) and maybe he will eventually take it in a cup.
Which sounds easiest? Maybe there are other options but you are doing your best re techniques for coaxing a baby back to the breast.
Best wishesx.

#5 iwanttosleepin

Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:47 PM

I gave up with the breastfeeding at 11 months because my DS just refused.  First it was the day feeds, then the night feed and then eventually the only one he would want was 3am.  Game over little fella!

He never had a bottle and just moved to food including cows milk.

#6 beaglebaby

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:12 AM

I think you've been totally ingenious to find a way to make him feed and sleep, well done.  DS2 (now 4) went through refusal at 8-9 months, it lasted several weeks and we never worked out what caused it.  I expressed and added milk to everything he ate but he wouldn't drink anything from a cup or bottle.  I tried feeding him in the usual places, strange places, outside, in the bath, while he was sleeping etc etc, nothing worked.  I saw a LC and the most useless GP I've ever met!  I was a mess.

One day he started playing with the button on my cardi and tried to shove it in his mouth - it gave me an idea.  I grabbed a nipple shield (we'd never used one before - I still had a brand new packet DS1) and he tried to shove that in his mouth.  So I expressed a little into it, put it in place and let him put his mouth on it and it was like he suddenly remembered feeding!  He wouldn't lie still and feed any more but he ended up feeding until after he turned 2!

Best of luck, I hope this isn't the beginning of the end of your BF journey but if it is you know you have tried absolutely everything possible and given your son a wonderful start to life.

#7 deejie

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:37 PM

Thanks everyone. I am feeling really bummed today. I don't understand why he will take a feed so willingly at night time and refuse the same thing during the day.

QUOTE (beaglebaby @ 23/01/2013, 01:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Best of luck, I hope this isn't the beginning of the end of your BF journey but if it is you know you have tried absolutely everything possible and given your son a wonderful start to life.


The logical part of my brain knows this. The illogical, emotional part feels like a breastfeeding failure. DS1 was a real boobie baby and self weaned just shy of his second birthday, and I kind of expected DS2 be the same, you know? Instead I seem to have this child who seems to have no survival instincts at all. I don't think he eats adequate amounts of solids, yet he refuses his one real source of sustenance sad.gif

I don't really know what to do. My heart isn't in it to keep feeding this way and my heart isn't in it to wean him either sad.gif



#8 crankybee

Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:42 PM

Well unfortunately you're being told by your LO that what your heart wants doesn't matter! He doesn't want to be breastfed any more. End of.

#9 deejie

Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:03 PM

QUOTE (crankybee @ 23/01/2013, 01:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well unfortunately you're being told by your LO that what your heart wants doesn't matter! He doesn't want to be breastfed any more. End of.


Just charming, Crankybee. Thanks for that. Way to go in the breastfeeding support forum and all.

#10 axiomae

Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

I know the feeling! I've just been through a breast refusal phase with DD (7 months) where she fought the breast during the day but would have a big feed at the dreamfeed. Oh how I love that dreamfeed! So calm and snuggly original.gif

#11 Isobell

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:22 PM

Hi deejieI know this thread is a few days old and I hope you're feeling better now. I just wanted to let you know that I am going through a similar thing and also feeling really sad. My 14 month old DS has refused his regular 2 x daily feeds for the past 5 days. I have no idea why, he just doesn't want it at all. I have tried various times of the time but its always the same, he pops on for a second or two, them pops off and rolls away and won't g0 back on. shrug.gif  shrug.gif
In theory I was hoping he would self -wean around now as we would like to TTC #2 and that will require IVF, which means no more BFing. But now the time has come I am not ready and I feel he is too young to really be self-weaning and that I must be doing something wrong. I know it's silly but I feel so rejected by him. So anyway (hug)

#12 SplashingRainbows

Posted 27 January 2013 - 02:33 PM

Hey Deejie

Just wanted to send you a big hug. You've done so well. 13 months is a cracker effort.

You know I know you want to do the best thing by your son, but it sounds like you're not quite sure what that is as he is giving mixed signals. Maybe then, since it might be easier to determine, you could think about what you think might help you best (no doubt the bf rejection isn't easy to take on a long term basis) and give that a trial?

My MIL had one milk addict baby and one who was never keen. FWIW both of them positively adore her (so do I - she is awesome). Both got what they needed throughout their whole lives. While your son might not need or want breast milk right now, it doesn't mean you won't do what it takes to give him the things he does identify he needs. So hard though isn't it - working out the difference when they can't tell you.

I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job.

Take care

#13 deejie

Posted 28 January 2013 - 12:00 PM

Thanks to everyone for their positive comments and kindness.

He took his 7pm feed before bed last night without a fuss.... thank goodness. The screeching, wailing and general hysteria of trying to get him to sleep without it was enormously stressful. He might refuse it again tonight.... who knows with this child.... but having a good night has much improved my spirits.

I still have to sneak in and rouse him to breastfeed 10min after he falls asleep for his midday nap and if he refuses the evening feed otherwise he wakes in 40minutes in hysteria and won't take it. Or go back to sleep if it's the day nap. Strange way of going about things, I guess.... but it seems to be working okay so I guess I'll just keep on keeping on for now. WIth him still not consuming anything near a decent amount of solids it makes me feel a bit better to know he is having some BM.

He is still waking every 2.5-3 hours overnight and will BF then  if I offer it rolleyes.gif If only he showed such any enthusiasm through the daylight hours.

Having DS1 climb into my lap and bat at my shirt for a BF was so sweet. I am a bit sad I will never get to experience "properly" feeding DS2 in to toddlerhood. But for now I think my aim is to do what I can to get any in to him and enjoy what BFing time we have left.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Show us your DUPLO creations to win!

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Anti-vaccination mum's seven children contract whooping cough

A Canadian woman who had declined to have her children immunised against pertussis, better known as whooping cough, has changed her position now that all seven of her children have come down with the disease.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

Show us your toddlers LEGO DUPLO creations

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

SIGN UP NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby for just the month of April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.