Jump to content
Feeling Guilty about trying again
6 replies to this topic
Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:43 AM
I have just joined this group as we recently lost our baby (cant beleive im even typing those words! Friends & family have been very supportive but I dont think they really understand the pain.
We were very excited to learn we were pregnant last year with our first child together,having been together for 8 years. We went in for our 12 week scan to learn that our baby had a fatal condition, and I was induced to deliver the baby at 13 weeks (I couldnt go thru with a d & c)
That was 6 weeks ago, I am starting to think when we may try again. I feel like I am emotionally ready, I didnt think I would be but I am. My sister lost 2 babies years ago and having seen what she went through and where they are now with their beautiful family helps, I know its not the end for us and things will work out although I terribly miss our baby.
I feel bad that I am even thinking about TTC so soon, Ive been reading alot on people who take years to get over this sort of thing. I dont think its something you get over but something you just learnt to accept and carry on with life.
The thought of being pregnant again excites me but the thought of scans and Dr's makes me terribly terribly nervous incase its not good news......
How has everyone else felt who has been in this position?
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:04 PM
I am so sorry that you lost your baby x
It is not "disloyal" or "too soon" to try again - everyone does when they know themselves they are ready.
I had a different situation and couldn't entertain the thought of trying again for 6 months plus but that was my thing; everyone feels differently.
If you can believe it someone gave us a book on "Trying Again" two weeks after our son passed away
You will be terrified - and after a loss that is natural - so talk to someone who can help you work through it.
I am indebted to SIDS and Kids. They help anyone with a loss from early pregnancy to 6 years old.\
Best of luck x
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:12 PM
There is no right or wrong way of how you deal with a M/C.
Do I feel guilty about TTC again? No!
It's only been 8 days since my D&C and I'm already thinking and preparing for my next IVF round. Whether that will start with my next cycle depends on where I am mentally - I thought I was ok with it and then this morning I thought about starting the injections again and it made me teary and a bit panicky. Not because i felt guilty, but because it's such a long process (mentally/physically) and there is a possibilty I will find myself in the same situation again! Because of that reaction I will see where I'm at - I know I can't go through a full stim cycle if I'm not 'mentally' prepared or I'll turn into a blubbering mess!
What I am trying to say is, don't feel guilty thinking it's too soon! There is no set rule on how long it takes to recover emotionally from a m/c - some recover emotionally straight away, some don't. You'll never forget, but you have to get over the hurdle of 'acceptance' in order to be able to move forward.
Have I jumped that hurdle yet? I thought I had, but after this morning, I think my foot got caught!
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:18 PM
I fell pregnant almost immediately after my miscarriage. Everyone deals with loss differently and just because you want to try again doesn't mean you don't feel the loss of your baby or make you any less of a person.
For me falling pregnant again helped me with my loss (though my pregnancy was rather wrought with anxiety).
Try not to feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:33 PM
Only you will know, there is no right time or wrong time and if it is 1 day or 5 years then so be it. In this matter only your and your partner's opinions matter and don't ever feel guilty about moving on. In no way are you forgetting your treasured little one and don't let anyone tell you differently or tell yourself that either.
Good luck on your TTC endeavours and my condolences on your sad loss.
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:37 PM
I'm sorry about your loss.
Only you know when you are ready to try again. I think like a lot of things there is no set time that makes it right or wrong its just when you're ready.
Good Luck with ttc, wish you all the best.
Posted 22 January 2013 - 01:14 PM
Thanks everyone for your kind words. If I have to even ask the question my guess is im probably not ready.
Just thinking about it makes me upset/nervous/scared but excited too.
Maybe ill just enjoy sushi, soft cheese and cold meat for a little longer.....
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?
A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.
An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.
It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.
Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.
At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.
These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.
Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.
In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.
A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.
So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.
We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.
Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.
Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.
After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.
Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown.
Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.
If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.
I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.
Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.
Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.
Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study
She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.
An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.
Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?
Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.
Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?
The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.
I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.
Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.
Top 5 Articles
I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.
I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.
French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.
A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.
Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?
First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.
The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.
A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life.
Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.
Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!
If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.
Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.
When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.
The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.
Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.
Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.
Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old
The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.
I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.
Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.
Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!