Jump to content

Feeling Guilty about trying again


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 mjgee

Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:43 AM

Hi All

I have just joined this group as we recently lost our baby (cant beleive im even typing those words!  Friends & family have been very supportive but I dont think they really understand the pain.

We were very excited to learn we were pregnant last year with our first child together,having been together for 8 years.  We went in for our 12 week scan to learn that our baby had a fatal condition, and I was induced to deliver the baby at 13 weeks (I couldnt go thru with a d & c)

That was 6 weeks ago, I am starting to think when we may try again.  I feel like I am emotionally ready, I didnt think I would be but I am. My sister lost 2 babies years ago and having seen what she went through and where they are now with their beautiful family helps, I know its not the end for us and things will work out although I terribly miss our baby.

I feel bad that I am even thinking about TTC so soon, Ive been reading alot on people who take years to get over this sort of thing. I dont think its something you get over but something you just learnt to accept and carry on with life.

The thought of being pregnant again excites me but the thought of scans and Dr's makes me terribly terribly nervous incase its not good news......

How has everyone else felt who has been in this position?

#2 RCTP

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:04 PM

I am so sorry that you lost your baby x

It is not "disloyal" or "too soon" to try again - everyone does when they know themselves they are ready.

I had a different situation and couldn't entertain the thought of trying again for 6 months plus but that was my thing; everyone feels differently.
If you can believe it someone gave us a book on "Trying Again" two weeks after our son passed away sad.gif

You will be terrified - and after a loss that is natural - so talk to someone who can help you work through it.
I am indebted to SIDS and Kids. They help anyone with a loss from early pregnancy to 6 years old.\

Best of luck x



#3 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:12 PM

There is no right or wrong way of how you deal with a M/C.

Do I feel guilty about TTC again? No!

It's only been 8 days since my D&C and I'm already thinking and preparing for my next IVF round. Whether that will start with my next cycle depends on where I am mentally - I thought I was ok with it and then this morning I thought about starting the injections again and it made me teary and a bit panicky. Not because i felt guilty, but because it's such a long process (mentally/physically) and there is a possibilty I will find myself in the same situation again! Because of that reaction I will see where I'm at - I know I can't go through a full stim cycle if I'm not 'mentally' prepared or I'll turn into a blubbering mess!

What I am trying to say is, don't feel guilty thinking it's too soon! There is no set rule on how long it takes to recover emotionally from a m/c - some recover emotionally straight away, some don't. You'll never forget, but you have to get over the hurdle of 'acceptance' in order to be able to move forward.

Have I jumped that hurdle yet? I thought I had, but after this morning, I think my foot got caught! shrug.gif

#4 **Xena**

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:18 PM

I fell pregnant almost immediately after my miscarriage. Everyone deals with loss differently and just because you want to try again doesn't mean you don't feel the loss of your baby or make you any less of a person.

For me falling pregnant again helped me with my loss (though my pregnancy was rather wrought with anxiety).

Try not to feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about hhugs.gif

#5 opethmum

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:33 PM

Only you will know, there is no right time or wrong time and if it is 1 day or 5 years then so be it. In this matter only your and your partner's opinions matter and don't ever feel guilty about moving on. In no way are you forgetting your treasured little one and don't let anyone tell you differently or tell yourself that either.
Good luck on your TTC endeavours and  my condolences on your sad loss.

#6 DiamondKat

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:37 PM

I'm sorry about your loss.

Only you know when you are ready to try again.  I think like a lot of things there is no set time that makes it right or wrong its just when you're ready.

Good Luck with ttc, wish you all the best.

#7 mjgee

Posted 22 January 2013 - 01:14 PM

Thanks everyone for your kind words. If I have to even ask the question my guess is im probably not ready.

Just thinking about it makes me upset/nervous/scared but excited too.

Maybe ill just enjoy sushi, soft cheese and cold meat for a little longer.....




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'Tired' mum dies of undiagnosed diabetes

New mum Nicky Rigby thought her exhaustion was due to the demands of looking after her baby. But the 26-year-old was seriously ill with diabetes, and died due to her condition not being diagnosed.

20 signs of a great relationship

The secret to a perfect relationship is admitting you are wrong after an argument, five kisses a day and sex twice a week, a new survey suggests.

Video: emotional 60-second Robin Williams tribute

Take a minute to remember some of the greatest films of your childhood ... and have a few tissues close at hand.

The realities of escaping domestic violence

?Why doesn?t she just leave?? is the common question people ask when trying to understand domestic violence. For many, leaving the relationship is far from straightforward.

Home truths: the DIY dos and don'ts

A professional renovator gives advice on which jobs you should do yourself, and which you should outsource.

Parenting lessons I?ve yet to learn

Instead of writing about the stuff I do know since becoming a mum, I thought I'd share some of the things I don't. These are the lessons that motherhood hasn't taught me.

Will I be wrecked 'down there' after birth?

Did you worry about how you would look "down there" after giving birth? This mum-to-be found plenty of women willing to share their knowledge.

The new weekend playgroup for working mums

Playgroups are great for kids and parents alike - but the downside is that they often meet during the week, leaving working mums out of the loop.

Letting your toddler be the boss at bedtime

Sick of spending hours trying to get your toddler to sleep? These experts say giving your child more of a say at bedtime might be the answer.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

Consulting 'Dr Google' when you're pregnant

We're all guilty of turning to the internet for a quick answer when we need medical advice, but Dr Google should be approached with caution - especially when you're pregnant.

16 ways to tie a scarf

Scarfs are the perfect winter accessory. Whether you're freezing at soccer training or wanting to add a splash of colour to a monochrome top, the right scarf will sort you out in no time. Just ask Nina Proudman.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

The simple way to support other parents

We may be raising children of different ages and sexes, with different personalities, but we, as parents, aren't that different - we all have similar struggles, fears, doubts, responsibilities.

Seeing the big picture when it comes to parenting

Sometimes it feels like hundreds of tiny cracks are spreading across the surface of our lives, creeping slowly into the foundations and threatening to make them crumble. How do we hold it all together?

How to spot a lactaboobiephobia sufferer

Lactation consultant Meg Nagle refused to stay silent when Facebook removed two photos of her breastfeeding. Instead, she coined a term to describe those who don't recognise breastfeeding for the natural and non-sexual act that it is.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Mum gives birth at school

He thought he'd get into the high chair for a laugh ... he wasn't laughing by the end of it.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.