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Feeling Guilty about trying again
6 replies to this topic
Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:43 AM
I have just joined this group as we recently lost our baby (cant beleive im even typing those words! Friends & family have been very supportive but I dont think they really understand the pain.
We were very excited to learn we were pregnant last year with our first child together,having been together for 8 years. We went in for our 12 week scan to learn that our baby had a fatal condition, and I was induced to deliver the baby at 13 weeks (I couldnt go thru with a d & c)
That was 6 weeks ago, I am starting to think when we may try again. I feel like I am emotionally ready, I didnt think I would be but I am. My sister lost 2 babies years ago and having seen what she went through and where they are now with their beautiful family helps, I know its not the end for us and things will work out although I terribly miss our baby.
I feel bad that I am even thinking about TTC so soon, Ive been reading alot on people who take years to get over this sort of thing. I dont think its something you get over but something you just learnt to accept and carry on with life.
The thought of being pregnant again excites me but the thought of scans and Dr's makes me terribly terribly nervous incase its not good news......
How has everyone else felt who has been in this position?
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:04 PM
I am so sorry that you lost your baby x
It is not "disloyal" or "too soon" to try again - everyone does when they know themselves they are ready.
I had a different situation and couldn't entertain the thought of trying again for 6 months plus but that was my thing; everyone feels differently.
If you can believe it someone gave us a book on "Trying Again" two weeks after our son passed away
You will be terrified - and after a loss that is natural - so talk to someone who can help you work through it.
I am indebted to SIDS and Kids. They help anyone with a loss from early pregnancy to 6 years old.\
Best of luck x
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:12 PM
There is no right or wrong way of how you deal with a M/C.
Do I feel guilty about TTC again? No!
It's only been 8 days since my D&C and I'm already thinking and preparing for my next IVF round. Whether that will start with my next cycle depends on where I am mentally - I thought I was ok with it and then this morning I thought about starting the injections again and it made me teary and a bit panicky. Not because i felt guilty, but because it's such a long process (mentally/physically) and there is a possibilty I will find myself in the same situation again! Because of that reaction I will see where I'm at - I know I can't go through a full stim cycle if I'm not 'mentally' prepared or I'll turn into a blubbering mess!
What I am trying to say is, don't feel guilty thinking it's too soon! There is no set rule on how long it takes to recover emotionally from a m/c - some recover emotionally straight away, some don't. You'll never forget, but you have to get over the hurdle of 'acceptance' in order to be able to move forward.
Have I jumped that hurdle yet? I thought I had, but after this morning, I think my foot got caught!
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:18 PM
I fell pregnant almost immediately after my miscarriage. Everyone deals with loss differently and just because you want to try again doesn't mean you don't feel the loss of your baby or make you any less of a person.
For me falling pregnant again helped me with my loss (though my pregnancy was rather wrought with anxiety).
Try not to feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:33 PM
Only you will know, there is no right time or wrong time and if it is 1 day or 5 years then so be it. In this matter only your and your partner's opinions matter and don't ever feel guilty about moving on. In no way are you forgetting your treasured little one and don't let anyone tell you differently or tell yourself that either.
Good luck on your TTC endeavours and my condolences on your sad loss.
Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:37 PM
I'm sorry about your loss.
Only you know when you are ready to try again. I think like a lot of things there is no set time that makes it right or wrong its just when you're ready.
Good Luck with ttc, wish you all the best.
Posted 22 January 2013 - 01:14 PM
Thanks everyone for your kind words. If I have to even ask the question my guess is im probably not ready.
Just thinking about it makes me upset/nervous/scared but excited too.
Maybe ill just enjoy sushi, soft cheese and cold meat for a little longer.....
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