Jump to content

Feeling Guilty about trying again


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 mjgee

Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:43 AM

Hi All

I have just joined this group as we recently lost our baby (cant beleive im even typing those words!  Friends & family have been very supportive but I dont think they really understand the pain.

We were very excited to learn we were pregnant last year with our first child together,having been together for 8 years.  We went in for our 12 week scan to learn that our baby had a fatal condition, and I was induced to deliver the baby at 13 weeks (I couldnt go thru with a d & c)

That was 6 weeks ago, I am starting to think when we may try again.  I feel like I am emotionally ready, I didnt think I would be but I am. My sister lost 2 babies years ago and having seen what she went through and where they are now with their beautiful family helps, I know its not the end for us and things will work out although I terribly miss our baby.

I feel bad that I am even thinking about TTC so soon, Ive been reading alot on people who take years to get over this sort of thing. I dont think its something you get over but something you just learnt to accept and carry on with life.

The thought of being pregnant again excites me but the thought of scans and Dr's makes me terribly terribly nervous incase its not good news......

How has everyone else felt who has been in this position?

#2 RCTP

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:04 PM

I am so sorry that you lost your baby x

It is not "disloyal" or "too soon" to try again - everyone does when they know themselves they are ready.

I had a different situation and couldn't entertain the thought of trying again for 6 months plus but that was my thing; everyone feels differently.
If you can believe it someone gave us a book on "Trying Again" two weeks after our son passed away sad.gif

You will be terrified - and after a loss that is natural - so talk to someone who can help you work through it.
I am indebted to SIDS and Kids. They help anyone with a loss from early pregnancy to 6 years old.\

Best of luck x



#3 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:12 PM

There is no right or wrong way of how you deal with a M/C.

Do I feel guilty about TTC again? No!

It's only been 8 days since my D&C and I'm already thinking and preparing for my next IVF round. Whether that will start with my next cycle depends on where I am mentally - I thought I was ok with it and then this morning I thought about starting the injections again and it made me teary and a bit panicky. Not because i felt guilty, but because it's such a long process (mentally/physically) and there is a possibilty I will find myself in the same situation again! Because of that reaction I will see where I'm at - I know I can't go through a full stim cycle if I'm not 'mentally' prepared or I'll turn into a blubbering mess!

What I am trying to say is, don't feel guilty thinking it's too soon! There is no set rule on how long it takes to recover emotionally from a m/c - some recover emotionally straight away, some don't. You'll never forget, but you have to get over the hurdle of 'acceptance' in order to be able to move forward.

Have I jumped that hurdle yet? I thought I had, but after this morning, I think my foot got caught! shrug.gif

#4 **Xena**

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:18 PM

I fell pregnant almost immediately after my miscarriage. Everyone deals with loss differently and just because you want to try again doesn't mean you don't feel the loss of your baby or make you any less of a person.

For me falling pregnant again helped me with my loss (though my pregnancy was rather wrought with anxiety).

Try not to feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about hhugs.gif

#5 opethmum

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:33 PM

Only you will know, there is no right time or wrong time and if it is 1 day or 5 years then so be it. In this matter only your and your partner's opinions matter and don't ever feel guilty about moving on. In no way are you forgetting your treasured little one and don't let anyone tell you differently or tell yourself that either.
Good luck on your TTC endeavours and  my condolences on your sad loss.

#6 DiamondKat

Posted 22 January 2013 - 12:37 PM

I'm sorry about your loss.

Only you know when you are ready to try again.  I think like a lot of things there is no set time that makes it right or wrong its just when you're ready.

Good Luck with ttc, wish you all the best.

#7 mjgee

Posted 22 January 2013 - 01:14 PM

Thanks everyone for your kind words. If I have to even ask the question my guess is im probably not ready.

Just thinking about it makes me upset/nervous/scared but excited too.

Maybe ill just enjoy sushi, soft cheese and cold meat for a little longer.....




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.