Jump to content

Being "under the thumb"


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 **BOOM**

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:10 PM

Unfortunately this is mainly said when a women is the controlling one in the relationship..and is usually said in a joking manner  sad.gif which isn't funny at all.

Yet we don't hear anyone say this when a women is being in a controlling relationship.

I say this as my BIL is in a 'controlling' relationship.  As I've heard "she wears the pants".

Double standards??

I just feel really sad for my BIL yet I've heard jokes made to him about the situation he is in. From both men and women.

Sorry if my post doesn't make that much sense, just thinking about this after a family get together yesterday & my BIL looks miserable, exhausted & greyed a lot. Yet all the poor guy got was jokes about him having to run after the kids all day & she sits back. Happens time and time again. Plus a lot of other stuff in their everyday life.  

I don't think you would ever hear someone say to a women in a controlling relationship that she is under the thumb.. Well I have only ever heard this being said to or about a male.

Or is that a lot of people don't see the controlling female so don't know how to handle the situation??

I just really feel for my BIL.  

I should add - I like my SIL, we get on well.  I do have an opinion on how she treats BIL but overall we get along when we see each other.

Wdyt?




#2 erindiv

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:13 PM

I've only ever heard it to mean a controlling female.

It's really none of your business, anyway. He's a grown man.

#3 BeYOUtiful

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:21 PM

Being a man doesn't make it acceptable though. We wouldn't say she's a grown woman if the situation was reversed PP.

#4 calimum

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:21 PM

A power imbalance in any relationship is not healthy so I do feel for men and women who experience this.  I would not dismiss the situation as being none of your business as he is a grown man - sheesh imagine if that was said to a woman experiencing a similar power imbalance  ohmy.gif

#5 BetteBoop

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:25 PM

QUOTE (sophie-emily @ 21/01/2013, 09:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you would ever hear someone say to a women in a controlling relationship that she is under the thumb.. Well I have only ever heard this being said to or about a male.


I think society sees women being controlled by the male partner as the norm. They aren't funny. That's the natural order of things. So if a woman was being dominated by her husband, most people would just ignore it.

The flipside of this is that when a woman dominates a man it's funny because it's unnatural. Like a bird chasing a cat, it's amusing because the cat is the predator, not the prey.

If you think he's in genuine trouble though, ignore the jokes and talk to him. If you think it will make him uncomfortable, say something offhanded to let him know that you aren't comfortable with how he's treated.

He might appreciate knowing that someone is watching out for him and is there to listen if he needs it.

#6 erindiv

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

QUOTE (~Jane05~ @ 21/01/2013, 10:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Being a man doesn't make it acceptable though. We wouldn't say she's a grown woman if the situation was reversed PP.


I would. I'd say she's a grown woman, she has a voice.

Just to be clear, OP, are you talking about mere bossiness or serious abuse here? That's not on in any relationship (abuse, I mean). I'm presuming that you mean simple bossiness, in which case the BIL needs to stand up for himself.

#7 MAGS24

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:41 PM

I have only ever heard the "Under the Thumb" remark about a woman being the controlling party. My brother is also in a relationship where his wife is the "controlling" one in the relationship, but my brother doesn't seem to mind. Some guys like to be told what to do etc. How do you know that he is really unhappy? He might have just been tired the day of the get together, looking after the kids makes me grumpy and tired, and just looked unhappy.

#8 CallMeFeral

Posted 21 January 2013 - 10:42 PM

It's a phrase I've always hated. It seems to refer to any man in an equal relationship who actually takes into account his wife's opinion and input on issues, and pulls his weight - or more - around the house.
Whereas a woman who pulls more than her weight and listens to her husband is just a good wife.

rant.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

A mum's tragic battle against inflammatory breast cancer

At just 37 years of age, with two young sons, Vicki was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. Now her family wants all women to know the symptoms.

The business of babies around the world

Pregnancy and birth is an intriguing process no matter where you are in the world. One soon-to-be father gleans wisdom from a new guide.

Finding a positive path through IVF

It’s not surprising that IVF is often seen as a negative journey towards the ultimate positive, but having a glass-half-full approach can make a big difference to the experience.

Giving strangers the gift of parenthood

A mum explains why she and her husband are choosing to gift their leftover embryos to help strangers achieve their dream of parenthood.

Does morning sickness get better or worse with each child?

Just as every baby is unique, so is every pregnancy. And that means morning sickness can vary a lot, too.

What's so wrong with looking 'mumsy', anyway?

Why is it that the word ‘mumsy’ has connotations of such a negative nature – but seems to be the only other option apart from ‘yummy’?

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Student shocked by surprise baby

Kate Hudson, 22, was on a dream European holiday with friends. She didn't realise she was about to become a mum.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.