Jump to content

I think I should mind my own business. Wdyt?


  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:34 PM

Scenario is this. I am a casual acquaintance with someone (her DH is good friends with my DH so I only know her through my DH). I mostly interact with her through FB.

The wife is pushing for another child and her DH agreed to one under strict "conditions" and has stated numerous times that he doesn't want anymore children.  He has other kids to a past relationship and has told my DH that he is secretly going to get a vasectomy and not tell his wife.

Their relationship is very "different".

Would you tell he wife that:

A) the husband is planning a vasectomy or
B) if he has already had the vasectomy, that he had one and that's why she's not having any luck falling pregnant
C) say nothing and mind my own business.

I think I should mind my own business but when speaking to a third party, she thinks I should tell the wife. I don't feel like I know her well enough.

What do you think?

ETA: I also don't know the DH well enough to talk to him and my DH has told her DH that he thinks that's a sucky thing to do but that's about it.

Edited by Sunnycat, 21 January 2013 - 08:40 PM.


#2 **Xena**

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:37 PM

D) Smack the husband upside the head.

That's such a sticky one. Horrible thing to do to the person you are supposed to love! This is going to end badly if one day she wants fertility testing to find out why they aren't getting pregnant.

No idea what you should do though, just awkward. Why would he tell you and put you in his mess too! Sheeesh!!

Edited by **Xena**, 21 January 2013 - 08:38 PM.


#3 Fossy

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:41 PM

C mind your own business

#4 imamumto3

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:44 PM

I agree with pp, what happens when she wants testing to see why they can't fall pregnant.

do you think he may have been joking?

#5 handsfull

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:46 PM

Mind your own business.  Its their relationship and if he is going to be going behind her back then he can take the consequences when he finally comes clean to her.

No need for you or your DH to be involved.

#6 R2B2

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:46 PM

i'd probably ask him if his nuts are still feeling tender in front of his wife  dev (6).gif

on a serious note though, I have no idea. tricky one.

#7 erindiv

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:50 PM

I honestly don't know what I'd do. I think I'd probably do nothing, simply because I wouldn't know what to do. If anything, I'd casually message the wife one day, see if the whole babymaking thing came up and then say "Oh, DH said your DH had a vasectomy, I didn't realise you were trying."

#8 Wise Old Owl

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

Sounds like a situation where there can be no winners sad.gif

#9 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

E. Keep out of it and then wait and see if she gets pregnant...

(Sorry... it was what first came to my head!)

Edited by Katakacpk, 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM.


#10 LambChop

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

Not your business.

What a low life gutless things to do though... a*s*hole sad.gif

#11 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:54 PM

I'm not going to be saying anything anyway but just interested to see what other people think original.gif

#12 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:54 PM

QUOTE (erindiv @ 21/01/2013, 09:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I honestly don't know what I'd do. I think I'd probably do nothing, simply because I wouldn't know what to do. If anything, I'd casually message the wife one day, see if the whole babymaking thing came up and then say "Oh, DH said your DH had a vasectomy, I didn't realise you were trying."


I think maybe something like this...
I think it is cruel of him to do this... the poor woman... I wouldn't be able to let it slide but that is just me (I am the biggest dibber dobber that way - have insisted friends come clean to partners re fidelity issues or addiction issues or I will out them myself.)

#13 erindiv

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:57 PM

Maybe ask yourself this: If you were in this woman's position, what would you prefer? To find out everybody knew but you and you had wasted your childbearing years on an a-hole? Or to be blissfully unaware, sitting there every evening wondering why you couldn't get pregnant? Or to find out, ditch the aforementioned a-hole and end up with someone who would treat you with the respect you deserve?

#14 M1B2G

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:58 PM

You see for me it would probably depend on if she has had children.  Having helped a friend through not being able have children as her DH did not want them throughout their marriage. 10 years into the marriage he leaves her for someone who he goes on to have children with as she is somewhat younger than my friend.  This all went down when dear friend was 39...  

I know she is in a better place now but it still hurts.  So for me it is a depends...

Edited by Mumof1B2G, 21 January 2013 - 08:59 PM.


#15 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:00 PM

QUOTE (erindiv @ 21/01/2013, 09:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe ask yourself this: If you were in this woman's position, what would you prefer? To find out everybody knew but you and you had wasted your childbearing years on an a-hole? Or to be blissfully unaware, sitting there every evening wondering why you couldn't get pregnant? Or to find out, ditch the aforementioned a-hole and end up with someone who would treat you with the respect you deserve?


because this needed repeating.
It is always the position I take. What would I want to happen if it were me. Sometimes doing the right thing means p*ssing people off. Doesn't make it less right

Edited by 3Keiki, 21 January 2013 - 09:01 PM.


#16 asdf89

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:06 PM

How is he intending to keep the snip a secret from his wife? Aren't men pretty tender and bruised afterwards... and if she thinks they are trying, she might not want to take no for an answer Tounge1.gif

I don't see how it's possible for him to get it done and her not find out - but even if he can, he sounds like a horrible person. Could you maybe suggest to her that they get fertility tests done upfront 'to rule out any possible issues'... see what her husband says to that!

#17 asdf89

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

DP

Edited by asdf89, 21 January 2013 - 09:09 PM.


#18 Guest_~Coffee~_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

.

Edited by *SnowFlower*, 20 February 2013 - 04:59 PM.


#19 Holidayromp

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:08 PM

This is a tough tough call and normally it would be none of your business but saying something could save this poor woman alot of anguish.  Has she got children of her own or are they all his?  If they are all his and she wants to have a child of her own with him then I would say intervene in the most discreet way possible but other than that I would probably leave well enough alone.

He sounds like a huge tosser though.

To have a vascetomy costs $$$ how is he going to hide it from his wife plus the recovery period.  Is he going to up and leave for a week whilst he recovers?

#20 asdf89

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:08 PM

DP

Edited by asdf89, 21 January 2013 - 09:09 PM.


#21 Missy Shelby

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Without a doubt C.

By the sounds of it you are not really close to this women, my opinion would definitely be different it is was lets say your sister or a very good friend.

#22 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Tough call
Id be in 2 minds. On one hand I would want to be told if it were me.
But,
In reality it is none of my business

Gah, glad I dont know info like that. Would eat me alive

#23 BeYOUtiful

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:16 PM

Do they have children together?


#24 Cath42

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:22 PM

Hard one. On the one hand, this woman is an adult. She voluntarily entered into a relationship with a man who already had children and was clear about his feelings with respect to having any more. He agreed to "allow" her to have one child with "strict conditions attached" (whatever those conditions were). Now she's pushing for another one and seems to be surprised that he's not keen.

On the other hand, he may have had a vasectomy and not told her. She may be trying to get pregnant 'accidentally', so that his right of veto is made obsolete. She may therefore be bashing her head against a brick wall that is never going to give way. If she discovers he's had a vasectomy, she might feel that her need for another child outweighs her need to stay in this relationship.

Who knows? I think that although much is unknown, what is known is that she voluntarily took up with a man who made it clear that he didn't want a second family. For that reason, I'd stay out of it.

*Edited to add: I assumed from your original post that this couple had already had one child together. But even if they have no children together, my advice would be the same. This woman knew the score when she went into this relationship. If she wants to move the goal posts now, she has to expect him to mount some opposition.

Edited by Cath42, 21 January 2013 - 09:27 PM.


#25 Fairey

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I understand your post to say they do actually have a child together already. From your post, he always stated he only ever wanted one with her. So now she is trying and he's trying not to?

The answer is definitely definitely C.

For what its worth - I think they are as bad as each other.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Christa Engles was changing her baby's nappy when tragedy struck.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.