Jump to content

I think I should mind my own business. Wdyt?


  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:34 PM

Scenario is this. I am a casual acquaintance with someone (her DH is good friends with my DH so I only know her through my DH). I mostly interact with her through FB.

The wife is pushing for another child and her DH agreed to one under strict "conditions" and has stated numerous times that he doesn't want anymore children.  He has other kids to a past relationship and has told my DH that he is secretly going to get a vasectomy and not tell his wife.

Their relationship is very "different".

Would you tell he wife that:

A) the husband is planning a vasectomy or
B) if he has already had the vasectomy, that he had one and that's why she's not having any luck falling pregnant
C) say nothing and mind my own business.

I think I should mind my own business but when speaking to a third party, she thinks I should tell the wife. I don't feel like I know her well enough.

What do you think?

ETA: I also don't know the DH well enough to talk to him and my DH has told her DH that he thinks that's a sucky thing to do but that's about it.

Edited by Sunnycat, 21 January 2013 - 08:40 PM.


#2 **Xena**

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:37 PM

D) Smack the husband upside the head.

That's such a sticky one. Horrible thing to do to the person you are supposed to love! This is going to end badly if one day she wants fertility testing to find out why they aren't getting pregnant.

No idea what you should do though, just awkward. Why would he tell you and put you in his mess too! Sheeesh!!

Edited by **Xena**, 21 January 2013 - 08:38 PM.


#3 Fossy

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:41 PM

C mind your own business

#4 imamumto3

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:44 PM

I agree with pp, what happens when she wants testing to see why they can't fall pregnant.

do you think he may have been joking?

#5 handsfull

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:46 PM

Mind your own business.  Its their relationship and if he is going to be going behind her back then he can take the consequences when he finally comes clean to her.

No need for you or your DH to be involved.

#6 R2B2

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:46 PM

i'd probably ask him if his nuts are still feeling tender in front of his wife  dev (6).gif

on a serious note though, I have no idea. tricky one.

#7 erindiv

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:50 PM

I honestly don't know what I'd do. I think I'd probably do nothing, simply because I wouldn't know what to do. If anything, I'd casually message the wife one day, see if the whole babymaking thing came up and then say "Oh, DH said your DH had a vasectomy, I didn't realise you were trying."

#8 Wise Old Owl

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

Sounds like a situation where there can be no winners sad.gif

#9 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

E. Keep out of it and then wait and see if she gets pregnant...

(Sorry... it was what first came to my head!)

Edited by Katakacpk, 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM.


#10 LambChop

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

Not your business.

What a low life gutless things to do though... a*s*hole sad.gif

#11 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:54 PM

I'm not going to be saying anything anyway but just interested to see what other people think original.gif

#12 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:54 PM

QUOTE (erindiv @ 21/01/2013, 09:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I honestly don't know what I'd do. I think I'd probably do nothing, simply because I wouldn't know what to do. If anything, I'd casually message the wife one day, see if the whole babymaking thing came up and then say "Oh, DH said your DH had a vasectomy, I didn't realise you were trying."


I think maybe something like this...
I think it is cruel of him to do this... the poor woman... I wouldn't be able to let it slide but that is just me (I am the biggest dibber dobber that way - have insisted friends come clean to partners re fidelity issues or addiction issues or I will out them myself.)

#13 erindiv

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:57 PM

Maybe ask yourself this: If you were in this woman's position, what would you prefer? To find out everybody knew but you and you had wasted your childbearing years on an a-hole? Or to be blissfully unaware, sitting there every evening wondering why you couldn't get pregnant? Or to find out, ditch the aforementioned a-hole and end up with someone who would treat you with the respect you deserve?

#14 M1B2G

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:58 PM

You see for me it would probably depend on if she has had children.  Having helped a friend through not being able have children as her DH did not want them throughout their marriage. 10 years into the marriage he leaves her for someone who he goes on to have children with as she is somewhat younger than my friend.  This all went down when dear friend was 39...  

I know she is in a better place now but it still hurts.  So for me it is a depends...

Edited by Mumof1B2G, 21 January 2013 - 08:59 PM.


#15 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:00 PM

QUOTE (erindiv @ 21/01/2013, 09:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe ask yourself this: If you were in this woman's position, what would you prefer? To find out everybody knew but you and you had wasted your childbearing years on an a-hole? Or to be blissfully unaware, sitting there every evening wondering why you couldn't get pregnant? Or to find out, ditch the aforementioned a-hole and end up with someone who would treat you with the respect you deserve?


because this needed repeating.
It is always the position I take. What would I want to happen if it were me. Sometimes doing the right thing means p*ssing people off. Doesn't make it less right

Edited by 3Keiki, 21 January 2013 - 09:01 PM.


#16 asdf89

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:06 PM

How is he intending to keep the snip a secret from his wife? Aren't men pretty tender and bruised afterwards... and if she thinks they are trying, she might not want to take no for an answer Tounge1.gif

I don't see how it's possible for him to get it done and her not find out - but even if he can, he sounds like a horrible person. Could you maybe suggest to her that they get fertility tests done upfront 'to rule out any possible issues'... see what her husband says to that!

#17 asdf89

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

DP

Edited by asdf89, 21 January 2013 - 09:09 PM.


#18 Guest_~Coffee~_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

.

Edited by *SnowFlower*, 20 February 2013 - 04:59 PM.


#19 Holidayromp

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:08 PM

This is a tough tough call and normally it would be none of your business but saying something could save this poor woman alot of anguish.  Has she got children of her own or are they all his?  If they are all his and she wants to have a child of her own with him then I would say intervene in the most discreet way possible but other than that I would probably leave well enough alone.

He sounds like a huge tosser though.

To have a vascetomy costs $$$ how is he going to hide it from his wife plus the recovery period.  Is he going to up and leave for a week whilst he recovers?

#20 asdf89

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:08 PM

DP

Edited by asdf89, 21 January 2013 - 09:09 PM.


#21 Missy Shelby

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Without a doubt C.

By the sounds of it you are not really close to this women, my opinion would definitely be different it is was lets say your sister or a very good friend.

#22 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Tough call
Id be in 2 minds. On one hand I would want to be told if it were me.
But,
In reality it is none of my business

Gah, glad I dont know info like that. Would eat me alive

#23 BeYOUtiful

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:16 PM

Do they have children together?


#24 Cath42

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:22 PM

Hard one. On the one hand, this woman is an adult. She voluntarily entered into a relationship with a man who already had children and was clear about his feelings with respect to having any more. He agreed to "allow" her to have one child with "strict conditions attached" (whatever those conditions were). Now she's pushing for another one and seems to be surprised that he's not keen.

On the other hand, he may have had a vasectomy and not told her. She may be trying to get pregnant 'accidentally', so that his right of veto is made obsolete. She may therefore be bashing her head against a brick wall that is never going to give way. If she discovers he's had a vasectomy, she might feel that her need for another child outweighs her need to stay in this relationship.

Who knows? I think that although much is unknown, what is known is that she voluntarily took up with a man who made it clear that he didn't want a second family. For that reason, I'd stay out of it.

*Edited to add: I assumed from your original post that this couple had already had one child together. But even if they have no children together, my advice would be the same. This woman knew the score when she went into this relationship. If she wants to move the goal posts now, she has to expect him to mount some opposition.

Edited by Cath42, 21 January 2013 - 09:27 PM.


#25 Fairey

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I understand your post to say they do actually have a child together already. From your post, he always stated he only ever wanted one with her. So now she is trying and he's trying not to?

The answer is definitely definitely C.

For what its worth - I think they are as bad as each other.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

There's no need to eclipse a babymoon

As long as pregnant women do their research, travelling during pregnancy can be done safely.

Mum and daughter have babies on same day

"It's not really something you ever want or think could happen. To have my mum going through it with me is probably the most special, amazing thing ever.”

Our baby's reflux caused the longest endurance test of our lives

I'm glad she wasn't my first child, or I would have thought that this was normal.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

The podcast that reminds mums they are not alone

A mum's complicated, gruelling labour gave birth to two lovely beings: her daughter and her delightful podcast, The Longest Shortest Time.

Is it too late to change my midwife?

My wife is nine months pregnant and we are planning a home birth - but we've had late problems with our midwife team.

The Very Hungover Caterpillar: a parody many can relate to

A new book released this month will be sure to have parents nodding and giggling in recognition the world over.

Babywearers unite against misinformation

Everyone has heard of people power, but what about passionate babywearing power?

Reliving the birth experience

When people ask about how my labour went, I usually respond: "Good, I think? Four hours long, and yeah it hurt, but I dunno, it's labour, it's giving birth, it's painful... but I guess it was good? As good as good gets?"

Literary baby name inspiration

From Harry Potter to Shakespeare and everything in between, we've scoured the library shelves for literary baby name inspiration.

Preparing your child to attend a sibling's birth

Thinking about having your kids at the birth of your baby? Here are some things to consider.

Counselling helps mum deal with triplets' early birth

When Kimberlee King's waters broke nine weeks before her triplets were due, she went into autopilot as she packed her hospital bag.

The women balancing babies with new businesses

Motherhood teaches us that we can be more tolerant, patient, and loving than we ever thought possible - and can also show us that we're innovative, creative and entrepreneurial, too.

It's true, kids grow up overnight

A dad ponders how his toddler daughter can change so much in just one 24 hour period.

Father sings to dying son days after losing wife

A heartbreaking video shows a new dad singing 'Blackbird' to his dying son just days after losing his wife.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Dad breastfeeds his babies

Trevor Macdonald has now been pregnant twice, and is successfully breastfeeding his newest family member.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.