Jump to content

I think I should mind my own business. Wdyt?


  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:34 PM

Scenario is this. I am a casual acquaintance with someone (her DH is good friends with my DH so I only know her through my DH). I mostly interact with her through FB.

The wife is pushing for another child and her DH agreed to one under strict "conditions" and has stated numerous times that he doesn't want anymore children.  He has other kids to a past relationship and has told my DH that he is secretly going to get a vasectomy and not tell his wife.

Their relationship is very "different".

Would you tell he wife that:

A) the husband is planning a vasectomy or
B) if he has already had the vasectomy, that he had one and that's why she's not having any luck falling pregnant
C) say nothing and mind my own business.

I think I should mind my own business but when speaking to a third party, she thinks I should tell the wife. I don't feel like I know her well enough.

What do you think?

ETA: I also don't know the DH well enough to talk to him and my DH has told her DH that he thinks that's a sucky thing to do but that's about it.

Edited by Sunnycat, 21 January 2013 - 08:40 PM.


#2 **Xena**

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:37 PM

D) Smack the husband upside the head.

That's such a sticky one. Horrible thing to do to the person you are supposed to love! This is going to end badly if one day she wants fertility testing to find out why they aren't getting pregnant.

No idea what you should do though, just awkward. Why would he tell you and put you in his mess too! Sheeesh!!

Edited by **Xena**, 21 January 2013 - 08:38 PM.


#3 Fossy

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:41 PM

C mind your own business

#4 imamumto3

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:44 PM

I agree with pp, what happens when she wants testing to see why they can't fall pregnant.

do you think he may have been joking?

#5 handsfull

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:46 PM

Mind your own business.  Its their relationship and if he is going to be going behind her back then he can take the consequences when he finally comes clean to her.

No need for you or your DH to be involved.

#6 R2B2

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:46 PM

i'd probably ask him if his nuts are still feeling tender in front of his wife  dev (6).gif

on a serious note though, I have no idea. tricky one.

#7 erindiv

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:50 PM

I honestly don't know what I'd do. I think I'd probably do nothing, simply because I wouldn't know what to do. If anything, I'd casually message the wife one day, see if the whole babymaking thing came up and then say "Oh, DH said your DH had a vasectomy, I didn't realise you were trying."

#8 Wise Old Owl

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

Sounds like a situation where there can be no winners sad.gif

#9 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

E. Keep out of it and then wait and see if she gets pregnant...

(Sorry... it was what first came to my head!)

Edited by Katakacpk, 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM.


#10 LambChop

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

Not your business.

What a low life gutless things to do though... a*s*hole sad.gif

#11 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:54 PM

I'm not going to be saying anything anyway but just interested to see what other people think original.gif

#12 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:54 PM

QUOTE (erindiv @ 21/01/2013, 09:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I honestly don't know what I'd do. I think I'd probably do nothing, simply because I wouldn't know what to do. If anything, I'd casually message the wife one day, see if the whole babymaking thing came up and then say "Oh, DH said your DH had a vasectomy, I didn't realise you were trying."


I think maybe something like this...
I think it is cruel of him to do this... the poor woman... I wouldn't be able to let it slide but that is just me (I am the biggest dibber dobber that way - have insisted friends come clean to partners re fidelity issues or addiction issues or I will out them myself.)

#13 erindiv

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:57 PM

Maybe ask yourself this: If you were in this woman's position, what would you prefer? To find out everybody knew but you and you had wasted your childbearing years on an a-hole? Or to be blissfully unaware, sitting there every evening wondering why you couldn't get pregnant? Or to find out, ditch the aforementioned a-hole and end up with someone who would treat you with the respect you deserve?

#14 M1B2G

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:58 PM

You see for me it would probably depend on if she has had children.  Having helped a friend through not being able have children as her DH did not want them throughout their marriage. 10 years into the marriage he leaves her for someone who he goes on to have children with as she is somewhat younger than my friend.  This all went down when dear friend was 39...  

I know she is in a better place now but it still hurts.  So for me it is a depends...

Edited by Mumof1B2G, 21 January 2013 - 08:59 PM.


#15 Guest_3Keiki_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:00 PM

QUOTE (erindiv @ 21/01/2013, 09:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe ask yourself this: If you were in this woman's position, what would you prefer? To find out everybody knew but you and you had wasted your childbearing years on an a-hole? Or to be blissfully unaware, sitting there every evening wondering why you couldn't get pregnant? Or to find out, ditch the aforementioned a-hole and end up with someone who would treat you with the respect you deserve?


because this needed repeating.
It is always the position I take. What would I want to happen if it were me. Sometimes doing the right thing means p*ssing people off. Doesn't make it less right

Edited by 3Keiki, 21 January 2013 - 09:01 PM.


#16 asdf89

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:06 PM

How is he intending to keep the snip a secret from his wife? Aren't men pretty tender and bruised afterwards... and if she thinks they are trying, she might not want to take no for an answer Tounge1.gif

I don't see how it's possible for him to get it done and her not find out - but even if he can, he sounds like a horrible person. Could you maybe suggest to her that they get fertility tests done upfront 'to rule out any possible issues'... see what her husband says to that!

#17 asdf89

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

DP

Edited by asdf89, 21 January 2013 - 09:09 PM.


#18 Guest_~Coffee~_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

.

Edited by *SnowFlower*, 20 February 2013 - 04:59 PM.


#19 Holidayromp

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:08 PM

This is a tough tough call and normally it would be none of your business but saying something could save this poor woman alot of anguish.  Has she got children of her own or are they all his?  If they are all his and she wants to have a child of her own with him then I would say intervene in the most discreet way possible but other than that I would probably leave well enough alone.

He sounds like a huge tosser though.

To have a vascetomy costs $$$ how is he going to hide it from his wife plus the recovery period.  Is he going to up and leave for a week whilst he recovers?

#20 asdf89

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:08 PM

DP

Edited by asdf89, 21 January 2013 - 09:09 PM.


#21 Missy Shelby

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Without a doubt C.

By the sounds of it you are not really close to this women, my opinion would definitely be different it is was lets say your sister or a very good friend.

#22 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Tough call
Id be in 2 minds. On one hand I would want to be told if it were me.
But,
In reality it is none of my business

Gah, glad I dont know info like that. Would eat me alive

#23 BeYOUtiful

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:16 PM

Do they have children together?


#24 Cath42

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:22 PM

Hard one. On the one hand, this woman is an adult. She voluntarily entered into a relationship with a man who already had children and was clear about his feelings with respect to having any more. He agreed to "allow" her to have one child with "strict conditions attached" (whatever those conditions were). Now she's pushing for another one and seems to be surprised that he's not keen.

On the other hand, he may have had a vasectomy and not told her. She may be trying to get pregnant 'accidentally', so that his right of veto is made obsolete. She may therefore be bashing her head against a brick wall that is never going to give way. If she discovers he's had a vasectomy, she might feel that her need for another child outweighs her need to stay in this relationship.

Who knows? I think that although much is unknown, what is known is that she voluntarily took up with a man who made it clear that he didn't want a second family. For that reason, I'd stay out of it.

*Edited to add: I assumed from your original post that this couple had already had one child together. But even if they have no children together, my advice would be the same. This woman knew the score when she went into this relationship. If she wants to move the goal posts now, she has to expect him to mount some opposition.

Edited by Cath42, 21 January 2013 - 09:27 PM.


#25 Fairey

Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I understand your post to say they do actually have a child together already. From your post, he always stated he only ever wanted one with her. So now she is trying and he's trying not to?

The answer is definitely definitely C.

For what its worth - I think they are as bad as each other.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.