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#1 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 21 January 2013 - 05:51 PM

Did your attitude toward breastfeeding change once you had a baby?

I will admit mine did. Before having DS my breasts were for sexual purposes. I couldn't imagine breastfeeding and wasn't even sure I was going to. I was one of these ****wits who thought extended breastfeeding was weird and vowed never to breastfeed in public.

Of course then I had DS and I learned that feeding DS felt nothing like when my breasts had been used sexually, that it's not always possible to avoid breastfeeding in public and that extended breastfeeding isn't always a choice as it can be mighty hard to wean a reluctant baby.

As someone mentioned in another thread, I had no problem with breasts, it was the suckling of breasts that made it hard for me to separate it from a sexual act (if that makes sense?)

Of course now that I have had DS breastfeeding isnt anything like what I thought it would be.

My mum never breastfed us and I never knew anyone with babies prior to having DS. Funny though because DH's mum breastfed and DH has always been pro breastfeeding.

My attitude certainly has changed and I'm ashamed of some of the judgements and conversations I probably used to have.

So just wondering if anyone else's attitude changed after having kids?

#2 Escapin

Posted 21 January 2013 - 05:55 PM

I certainly expected to breastfeed, and was looking foward to it. I did think though, that I would stop at 12 months, and that anyone who still breastfeeding their kid when they could walk and talk was a bit of a hippy. Cut to present day, DD is 21mo and we're still going strong! LOL. So I am a hippy after all original.gif

#3 StopTheGoats

Posted 21 January 2013 - 05:59 PM

Not so much when I had a baby (although actual experience did demonstrate to me just how hard breastfeeding can be, how unpredictable a babies needs can be, how difficult motherhood is all round and how it is nigh on impossible to breastfeed under a cover past 3 or 4 months) but moreso as I matured.

In my early 20's I definitely thought women should go to a parents room, pump and bottle feed or use a cover and the sight of breastfeeding made me uncomfortable. Like you, my mother did not breast feed any of her children, nor did any of my aunts etc. Certainly nobody fed past 2 or so months.

My attitudes had definitely liberalised by the time I fell pregnant and thanks to threads on EB I was at least semi prepared for the experience.

#4 Mama8

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:00 PM

I guess being farm raised I always saw breastfeeding as the norm.
The cows did it the sheep and every other mammal on the place did it so it was just the given thing when I had my first.
It wasn't as easy as the sheep and cows made it look and a colicky baby had me in tears for weeks but I struggled along through blocked ducts and cracked nipples and we eventually we got it and didn't look back.
I then fed all my other babies and I loved it.
So portable and easy, camping trips were a breeze as was anything else hubby and I did they just fitted into our lifestyle original.gif

Eta: not comparing bfing mums to cows or sheep Tounge1.gif

Edited by Mama8, 21 January 2013 - 06:07 PM.

#5 LittleC

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:09 PM

I grew up in a 1 parent family, raised by my Father. Breastfeeding never crossed my thoughts until my SIL had her first child, it was literally the first time I'd ever seen anyone do it. The whole concept was pretty foreign to me all my life.

#6 EsmeLennox

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:13 PM

I never really had any issues with others breastfeeding or extended breastfeeding etch never thought it was weird, horrible or anything. What I couldn't imagine was myself doing it! Once I had my first child though it seemed entirely natural, so I guess my attitude did change in that regard.

With my first child I thought I would probably feed for 12 months, we didn't quite make it to 12 months, much to my disappointment. With my 2nd and 3rd child I fed them for 16 months and to 30 months.

Edited by Jemstar, 21 January 2013 - 06:15 PM.

#7 ImpatientAnna

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:14 PM

Like you, I was not brought up around breast feeding so I really had no opinion either way until we started trying for a child. Admittedly at this point I was probably a bit ill informed in that I thought breast feeding was just a source of nourishment. I did not realise that breasts were mighty good pillows, provided comfort, aided in getting a baby to sleep, and that they learn to suckle without biting your boob off.

I did know that breast milk was vastly superior nutritionally, and intended to breast feed for at least 6 months. I had no idea why anyone would feed a toddler, because they can eat solids right? But I never judged anyone for their choice to do so. I also never judged anyone for feeding however they chose in public. Despite my naïveté, I did realise that a breast's main function was to feed a child and didn't see it as something that should be covered.

Now, I am feeding a toddler because it provides all the additional benefits listed above, and wouldn't dream of weaning him until he is ready. My little guy is so confident and independent, and I think it's because the comfort of his boobies are always there to come back to whenever he needs them.

I am so sad about the events over the last few days because I think that parent's should be able to feed their children without judgement or shame, however they see best! It doesn't matter if that is with a bottle of formula in a parent's room, a 'discrete' breast with cover in the corner of a cafe, or 'flopping a tit out' in the middle of a crowded shopping centre.

#8 cinnabubble

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:15 PM

I thought I'd have a stab at it and give up at six months. My older daughter fed for 2.25 years and the younger is two years and ten months old and still breastfed.

I think it's safe to say my position has changed.

#9 QueenIanthe

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:22 PM

No. I was pretty adamant I would breastfeed, did not want to use formula. I did use formula with my eldest (who is now 16) at 5 months who then weaned himself off the breast cry1.gif I always had a 12 month goal in mind. I fed my second for 13 months, my third for 12 months (he was a real sticky beak and was a total pita to feed), my fourth for 20 months and my fifth for over 2 years.

#10 StopTheGoats

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:23 PM

I had actually thought I'd breastfeed longer. I had a goal of 12 months in mind.

#11 Soontobegran

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:29 PM

Not so much. I always knew I would because it is what the women in my family did. My own mother(now 86) demand fed when there was no such thing. She also fed long past the first year despite this being the era when there was a push for formula being the 'modern' way to feed.
In wasn't prepared for how difficult it was first time around even though I should have been as I had seen so many new mums stuggle to start with. I thought that there was no reason why I would have any issues at all...wrong on all counts. original.gif

What changed was my advice to others. I cringe when I think about some of the breastfeeding advice I gave before I breast fed myself. wacko.gif

#12 Fenrir

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:31 PM

So just wondering if anyone else's attitude changed after having kids?


Before kids I had the view that breasts are both for feeding children AND for sexual use. Obviously not at the same time lol That view hasn't changed.

I also have the same view about breastfeeding in public. I did it and am very supportive of anyone doing it and will defend voraciously their right to do it. I also had the view that, for whatever reason, some people feel uncomfortable seeing this.I was always mindful of this fact so did my best not to shove it in anyones face while feeding.

I am not a fan of extended breastfeeding past the age of about four. Mine self weaned about the age of 12 months.

I also had the view that my child would get fed and it didn't matter how. If I breastfed great. If I ended up formula feeding also great.

Edited by Beautiful Warlock, 21 January 2013 - 06:35 PM.

#13 MintyBiscuit

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:32 PM

I hadn't thought about it much before getting pregnant. I remember occasionally seeing women breastfeeding in public and thinking it was pretty cool that they could be that confident. I also had the idea that once there are teeth, I'm done laughing2.gif

DS is down to one feed a day for the most part, and I can see now that I'll miss it terribly when he gives it up completely. The impact it's had on me emotionally, and my bonding with DS, was really unexpected. I read all the info telling me it was more than just milk and all the bonding stuff, but until I experienced it I just had no idea. A lot like motherhood in general really wink.gif

Great thread OP, will make for interesting reading original.gif

#14 Goggie

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 21/01/2013, 06:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I certainly expected to breastfeed, and was looking foward to it. I did think though, that I would stop at 12 months, and that anyone who still breastfeeding their kid when they could walk and talk was a bit of a hippy.

This was me too, although we are only at 5 months to get to 12 is the goal. Bf in public was normal to me, I grew up seeing family and friends breastfeed and my sister breastfed her 3 children when I was a teenager so for me it was standard. I now realise not everyone has the history as my SIL advised me as no one she knew bf or if they did she never saw it. I suppose it's what you're exposed to really that shapes your initial views. Hopefully you can learn from your environment and be open to change once you have children but sadly for many of the public that supported Kochie this week I fear we have a long long way to go.

#15 TwinkyBear

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

My mum breastfed all four of us for around 18 months each, so I assumed that I'd do the same.  My eldest I fed until over 2 and a half years, the youngest is 21 months and still going strong.

I'll admit that when the first of my friends had a baby, I felt uncomfortable when she first breastfed in front of me.  Not because I thought it was disgusting or 'immodest', but because I didn't want to make *her* feel uncomfortable with all the scrutiny on her exposed breast!  Having said that, I personally don't feel uncomfortable with anyone watching me breastfeed as I know they're cooing over the baby, not my boobs!  I've even had a friends (then) 3 year old helpfully try to latch baby on for me...

I think it helps that both my parents are pro-breastfeeding.  The only problem that my Dad has with me breastfeeding is that I'll call it a "boobyfeed" and he thinks that I should call it "breastfeed", using correct terminology.  original.gif

#16 erindiv

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:33 PM

Will probably get in trouble for this, but...

I never wanted to breastfeed. I tried (halfheartedly) for a day with DS, and for a few minutes (literally) with DD, but they both came home on formula.

It wasn't the 'sexual' side of it that bothered me. I don't like my breasts being touched anyway - they are small so right on my ribs, it hurts. I found it uncomfortable when I tried to feed DS. I lay there as he sucked for an hour and by the end of it I was angry. All that was going through my head was "Would you just DRINK?" I had PND with DD and I didn't want to head down that path again.

Maybe in the future with more babies I might do it. But it will never be because I want to. It will be because I feel that I SHOULD.

ETA: I must confess to seeing breasts are more of a sexual thing than a baby-feeding thing, but that may just be all the sexualisation of breasts that has been shoved in my generation's face all through the 90's and 00's, coupled with the fact that in all my childhood and teen years, I only watched a woman breastfeed once... and it grossed me out and embarrassed me (I think I was about 14).

Edited by erindiv, 21 January 2013 - 06:37 PM.

#17 nen-c

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:34 PM

I think I always thought I'd breast feed- seemed like the normal way to feed a baby. I think I was reeducated (by EB) about extended breast feeding which I thought was rather odd, before I had DS, who I then fed for almost 2 years.

#18 50ftqueenie

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:42 PM

I'd seen it done once or twice before I was about 30 and my peers started having babies!!

My earliest memory is my parents being horrified at a family friend BF her babies in the early 80s. They found it awkward that she just "flopped them out" in front of everyone. (She was actually very "classy" and "discreet" lololol). Even then I knew it was their problem, not hers and I'm pleased to say that they have become very at ease with seeing Babies being BF after having me around with my two babies.

Once my own friends started BF their babies I learnt the ins and outs and became very well prepared for my own BF journey and was lucky to have supportive, experienced friends to talk to when there were problems. I think, in spite of some of the ignorance shown this week, my children will grow up in a world in which BF is far more common and understood.

Edited by 50ftqueenie, 21 January 2013 - 06:44 PM.

#19 MrsLexiK

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:42 PM

I do hope it changes, at present the thought of myself breast feeding makes me feel ill repulsive and sick to the stomach. The thought of any other woman gives me the warm fuzzies insides and seems so natural. So I hope my thoughts for myself change but I have invested in an expensive breast pump if they don't.

I think it is disgusting that women are made to feel like they have to cover up or stay in a room when they have visitors over.

I do hope it changes, at present the thought of myself breast feeding makes me feel ill repulsive and sick to the stomach. The thought of any other woman gives me the warm fuzzies insides and seems so natural. So I hope my thoughts for myself change but I have invested in an expensive breast pump if they don't.

I think it is disgusting that women are made to feel like they have to cover up or stay in a room when they have visitors over.

#20 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:45 PM

I always expected to breastfeed, but was expecting it to be harder - it all fell into place easily and we are still going at 15 months.   The things that surprised me were:

As Im pretty well endowed I expected to be more modest and use a cover/parents room.  When it came to the point it was just easier to go for it.  

I believed (from EB) that demand BF did not adversely affect sleeping.   With my DS it's a major factor in his night waking.   I have now night weaned 3 times - every time I do it he sleeps through for however long it takes to start a new ear infection/tooth and then he manages to convince me to start night feeding again whereupon his sleep gets worse and worse until I turn off the overnight tap again.  I don't think all babies are like this, and it wouldn't stop me BF another baby.

#21 lozoodle

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:51 PM

Yes, I used to be a bit judgey of people who didnt breastfeed and couldnt understand why they wouldnt.

Then I did it myself and realised how much I hated doing it, absolutely cannot stand it.

I still think that anyone who can breastfeed successfully and actually enjoy it is amazing, good on them!

So for me my opinion is that of myself and breastfeeding. I always thought I would do it and it would be easy and Id have no issue with it and like it just fine, so it was a shock to find out how much hard work it really can be.

#22 Bart.

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:55 PM

Sunnycat, my experience was very similar to yours.  I came from a bottle fed family where the few who did breastfeed did it away from sight and it's always been considered something to hide away.  I was expecting to do the same for my children and now, even though I'm very pro-breastfeeding, especially in public, I still can't stop that second of conditioned 'eww' when I see it. sad.gif Rationality and self-disappointment kicks in a second after but I'm ashamed that conditioning is still there and it's my first reaction.  

I've also had a breast reduction pre-kids because I was expecting to not like feeding and there'd be no loss, not with formula around, right?

Then, when my first child latched on in the delivery room, it was instant love.  There was no 'eww' factor at all, only a beautiful, natural bonding experience that only my son and I could have.  Although I could only partially feed, I fought with endless supplements, expressing and routines to get out as much milk as I could.  With DS1 I got to 5-months.  With DS2, 13-months. wub.gif  It was worth fighting for and although I don't regret getting the reduction, I was sad I couldn't have it both ways.

So yes, my opinion did change, for the better. original.gif

#23 Jane Jetson

Posted 21 January 2013 - 06:59 PM

Kind of. I didn't have a problem with public breastfeeding before, nor did I expect anyone to muck around with covers in an attempt to be "classy". But when it came to me, I was expecting that I'd be very shy, that I'd always use a cover if breastfeeding in public, and that I'd go into another room and hide to do it if there were any male family members around.

Then when DD1 was born it was such a saga to even get her to go on that I stopped caring if Dad saw before she was 24 hours old. I tried a drape a grand total of once, couldn't figure out how to get the nipple shield and then the baby on if I couldn't see them, and gave up. I subsequently fed at cafes and parks, in church, on the train, and in front of the chimp enclosure at the zoo.  biggrin.gif  

I also hoped to feed the kids till they were each 18 months old or more, but we didn't quite get there sadly.

#24 SnazzyFeral

Posted 21 January 2013 - 07:01 PM

Through out my pregnancy I nurtured this image of myself at a cool cafe feeding my even cooler baby. I was going to feed until at least two. My mother and my grandmother were pretty strong on the need for babies to be breast fed. I was bought up to think that women who found breastfeeding too hard didn’t try hard enough (seriously I remember my mum lecturing me on the topic when I was about 7 or so) and if there were no clear medical problems then breastfeeding difficulties were due to social problems. I never got to sit in that cool cafe because my milk didn’t come in despite pumping ect and I was too ashamed to bottle feed there.

#25 Expelliarmus

Posted 21 January 2013 - 07:05 PM

Nah, before I had a baby I was mega exposed to all sorts of breastfeeding. My childhood was full of breastfeeding women in my family and at church and I've known a significant number of extended breastfeeders since I was in my early 20s.

My attitude to formula feeding has changed though. I used to think formula feeding was done by lazy weirdos ...

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