Jump to content

What to do? Suspect a problem
Help a loved one


  • Please log in to reply
2 replies to this topic

#1 kaleidoscope

Posted 21 January 2013 - 12:05 AM

I don't know what to do or say, maybe the answer is nothing. But, it's on my chest and I'm concerned about my nephew and his parents.
My nephew is a very challenging child, he is 5 years old. He hasn't changed much since I posted last with concerns for my own DS. He continually harasses, annoy, pester or bother other children. He does not listen to his parents, to other children or other adults if they tell him to stop etc. He can hear, it has been tested. He will just continue as he wants to. He will only hurt other children if he thinks no one can see him, and he is very quick to tell a lie if he gets caught to change it to him helping etc. This happens on an hourly basis, I am not exaggerating or sensationalising, I have real concern for him and his mum and dad.
He has a younger sister and he is always pestering her. Taking her toys (she is about to turn one), holding it above her head so she can't get it, or throwing it under the couch away from her. He does this to my second son as well who is s bit older than his sister. He trips the babies, he snatches and the next moment he is very protective and possessive of them.
He cries easily and if anything doesn't go his way. He is not in control of his emotions and yells/screams easily or if disciplined.
His school has brought it up with his parents, but not in direct words, only hinting. Also that he has shocking short term memory, can't remember things from a minute or hour ago. I have had a chat to them, we are very close, but they immediately say, boys will be boys, it's the school, it's another child's fault. I hope they can realise something is up, it is tearing their family apart. I think mum is in denial, and his dad has concerns but don't see the point of getting some early intervention or help.
We are in WA. I hope I can be of help to them, I love them and care about them, but I am worried. How can I think something may be wrong with someone I love and do nothing? But please tell me to butt out if needs be!



#2 Lightning_bug

Posted 21 January 2013 - 12:47 AM

OP, it's a tightrope act when you become involved with how others are raising their children.  While your intent is genuine concern, people get defensive and feel their decisions and ability are being questioned.

I identified the autism red-flags in my niece and gently mentioned to my SIL it couldn't hurt to speak with a pead.

It's been 4 years since she's spoken to me for "suggesting something was wrong with her daughter" when I did no such thing and despite the fact my niece has since been diagnosed with autism spectrum.

Would I do it again?  yes.  While I was considered the bad guy they did see a pead as I suggested (long story... but people's memories are very selective)  and it got the early intervention she needed even if I lost out.  

You have to decide if speaking up will achieve anything more than causing an argument.  If not, you'd be of more use generally talking to them about various parenting strategies without the confrontation.

Edited by Lightning_bug, 21 January 2013 - 12:48 AM.


#3 baddmammajamma

Posted 21 January 2013 - 08:47 AM

What a tough situation to be in, OP. I can understand why you are so concerned (I went back & read your earlier posts, too).

I think Lightening_Bug's post is right on the money. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to risk possibly straining the relationship with this family (are they from your husband's side of the family or is one of the parents your sibling?) Some parents act VERY defensively when it comes to concerns about their child(ren). Are you the only one who has voiced concerns thus far? Is your husband concerned? What about the respective grandparents?

One approach you could take, which is a softer approach, is focus on something that is non-behavioral related -- like your nephew's short term memory issues. From what I've experiences/read, parents might be less threatened by things like "Have you had his sight/hearing tested" versus "I am worried about Johnny's behavior/quirks."

So perhaps approach it as "I've noticed over the years that Johnny really seems to be struggling with his short term recall. I bet that's so frustrating for him and for you -- and I can imagine that it makes him more apt to cry if he's feeling misunderstood. My friend's son was like this -- great kid like Johnny but prone to getting easily frustrated and lashing out - and it turns out he has some processing issues that were undetected -- poor little guy! Thank goodness his paed caught the issues early, as the parents now have some good tools for addressing them."

Another softed approach is the "Johnny's a great kid, but I can see that you guys are frazzled at times from dealing with the [insert behaviors that most affect family's happiness here]. It might be worth talking to a good paediatrician or psych - not because Johnny has issues with a capital I, but rather, to give you some strategies for dealing with the more challenging behaviors. Who would have ever thought that 5 years olds could be so complicated to figure out? My friend Judy is going through something similar with her son, and she has said that having some good professional guidance has made such a difference in her own ability to cope."

At the end of the day, if they aren't receptive to entertaining the notion that something might be up...and if they aren't willing to take action, there's probably not a lot you can do to change that dynamic. Will your nephew be going to full time school this year? If so, hopefully his teachers & school will sound the alarm bell more forcefully than the preschool.

Good luck. It's heartbreaking when parents are in denial.




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.