Jump to content

Everyone in for some blowing out of candles?
sort of fluffy, sort of settle a disagreement, perhaps petty...


  • Please log in to reply
84 replies to this topic

#1 spear_maiden

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

It's DS' 3rd birthday next weekend, and we're having a relaxed party with the nearby cousins, aunties/uncles, grandparents - should be a fun morning, and DS is really looking forward to his slip 'n' slide party original.gif .

There'll be 4 cousins attending, who are 2 sets of siblings.  We're all a pretty close extended family (for this side of family anyway) so see eachother for every child's birthday, and for half/most of the adults' birthdays.  Recently, a precedent appears to have been set by the grandparents that all the kids get a turn in blowing out the candles on the birthday cake.  This means, the candles are re-lit and each child blows out the candles and get a clap/yay etc.  This has come about as set of siblings has gotten upset about not blowing out the candles on their dad's birthday cake.  These kids are 2.5 and 4.5.  The 2.5 yr old basically burst into tears, was inconsolable and got rallied around by her parents and grandparents, then the candle re-lighting began, and has continued for a couple of birthdays beyond their dad's.  You can probably tell from my tone, I think this is an OTT reaction in dealing with an essentially tantruming child.  The same way I think it's OTT to give every child a prize, and to give a child a gift on their siblings' birthday...

During a random planning chat about DS' birthday, the jist of a conversation was:
me: do you think family are going to expect that we re-light the candles for each child?  
DH: yes, probably.
Me: how do you want to handle it?  
DH: well there's not much we can do without explicitly telling them that we're only lighting the candles for DS, so I guess we re-light the candles
Me: we could just gloss over it - sing the song, DS blow out the candles and cut the cake and if the cousins start to protest about not getting a turn well, it's up to *their parents* to deal with them...

A discussion followed with DH not wanting to say no to family but with me saying I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.

So, am I being petty?  Do you think we should re-light the candles for each child?  Or is it ok to want to make the 5 second ritual for the birthday child only?

WDYT?

p.s. warned you it was fluffy...

#2 liveworkplay

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:47 PM

I'm with you on this one. I think it is ridiculous to expect everyone to take turns. I also think it is ridiculous when a sibling receives a present as well. My girls have never had a problem and if they did (when younger) well, they were told it was not their birthday and they had to wait.



#3 TrifectaOfTerrors

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

Tricky one as I can see both sides.

If you want to, just let your DS blow out the candles, clap etc, then have the knife ready, whip out the candles and start cutting.  Then you can always just claim that you 'forgot'.  

Hopefully the kids will be distracted by getting cake to eat.

#4 maurie

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

I'm mean so I'd only let the birthday kid blow out the candles - as soon as he's blown them out, just whip them off the cake and cut it up before anyone has a chance to complain.

#5 Leslie Knope

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:52 PM

QUOTE (Studybug @ 20/01/2013, 09:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.


I 100% agree with you here. And no, I don't think you are being petty at all! I think the other family members are being petty.
I mean seriously, relighting the candles so each child gets a turn? Who the fudge does that?!



#6 JustBeige

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

I agree completely with you.

However, precedent has been set in that side of the family.  Also the kids arent very much older, so I think I would be doing the eyeroll thing and relighting.  I guess it also depends on whether the parents can control a massive meltdown/tantrum.   It doesnt sound like it if they all caved in to the screams.


Alternatively I would do a very small mini cupcake for each kid and give them to the parent to light if they wish, whilst my child blows out the candles on the big cake.

As they get older (ie: next year)  I would try again to not do the everyone blows the candle out thing.

You would hope that by the time the 2.5yr old is 4 or 5, they have been to enough parties to know that they dont get to blow every single time.

#7 Lyn86

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

I agree with you-but have you let your DS blow out candles on others' birthdays?

#8 Silver Girl

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...

#9 teaspoon

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:00 PM

Ughh, all I can think about is the the mulitple kids' spit from the re-lights...

#10 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

QUOTE (Silver Girl @ 20/01/2013, 09:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...



When I read the title of this thread I was almost going to bet my house that it would be about the unhygenic practice of candle blowing. Thanks, "silver girl", you've made my day.

As much as I think relighting the candles is ridiculous I would probably be eye-rolling with" just beige" and relighting them just to keep the peace.

#11 ComradeBob

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

QUOTE (Rawr @ 20/01/2013, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would rush through the blowing out, then chop the cake up really quickly. If anyone complained, I'd probably say, 'well, when it's your birthday, it'll be your special day and your turn to blow them out.'

This, definitely.

#12 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:12 PM

What's the big deal? It's fun, all the kids want a go, no biggie. Do you only let the birthday child hit the piƱata too? Or play with the presents? Birthdays are for sharing in my opinion, not just about the birthday person (but maybe that's because I dislike my own birthday!)

It's also not your place to 'teach' someone elses kids how to deal with tantrums to be honest.

We do it, once they get to about 6 or so they no longer have a turn.

I also do the little present for non-birthday child thing sometimes, but largely because we have a whole bunch of birthdays together and just one little child who misses out. It's pretty hard for a little one, they don't understand why everyone is getting presents except for them. It would be different if birthdays were spread evenly throughout the year though!

#13 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:14 PM

Pathetic. The kids are learning nothing except how to be an entitled brat, and that if you chuck a tanty, you'll always get your way.

#14 ChunkyChook

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Every kid gets a tuen at blowing out the candles and siblings get presents too?? Why even bother having a party, it's hardly a special day for the birthday child.



#15 laridae

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:16 PM

Perhaps just take the candles off quickly, and if they want a turn, put a candle on their piece & light it, just for them.

I don't go for multiple lightings - its something the birthday child gets to do, on their bithday, blow the candles & make a wish, not everyone else.
Its not like a pinata - that is a game. You expect multiple peple to hit it.

#16 kadoodle

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!

#17 Leafprincess

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

Yep I'm with you

Have that knife ready to go and cut away as Soon As the smoke settles.
Whip the candles out with one hand and start cutting with the other.  ph34r.gif

It's your child's special day, they would be the only one allowed to spit on the cake (I mean blow out the candles  tongue.gif )

#18 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 20/01/2013, 10:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!


I have never even heard of people doing this!  huh.gif

#19 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

I suppose there's the other extreme. I remember going to a party as a child, and the birthday girl won all the prizes in games, got to choose her food and start eating first, was allowed to make kids 'sit out' of games, and decided who was 'out' in statues. That's too much 'specialness'!

#20 VintageEyes

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

Ha ha. This reminds me of when I was little.  Whenever we had a birthday with one side of the family, everyone had a turn at the candles. So you had 10 or so grandkids all having a turn!! Sometimes the candles had to get replaced 1/2 way through!

I think it came from my Dear Aunt who had down syndrome.

It wa great fun for everyone, (if not a bit tedious). We eventually all grews out of it, and I can assure you we are all well adjusted adults!

#21 Peppery

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:20 PM

No way. Tantrums = no cake

#22 TeaTimeTreat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

#23 LynnyP

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

I have never seen this happen that other children blow out the candles.  If I had been there when it started I would have run the line that birthday child only blows out the candles as that is specific to being the birthday child.  But now a precedent has been set I would be prepared to go along with it but I would be toning it down as much as possible.

#24 howdoyoudoit

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

If I only have a couple of kids here I let them all have a go after the birthday child BUT I don't do it because someone had whined etc. It's only a few candles and no biggie for me. I hate it though when kids go and blow the candles out ahead of the bday child.  That does my head in. If a kid was cracking it to do it I wouldn't offer

#25 Propaganda

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

I'm with you.

I wouldn't be pandering to kids who are throwing tantrums over something they need to learn to suck up and get over. What happens when they start going to friend's birthday parties? If their parents want to reward them for their behaviour, then fine, but I wouldn't be taking a part in it.

Blow out, and pretty much cut it the moment it's done. They can deal with the fallout. It's a problem they caused for themselves anyway.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about ovulation tests

Most people who are trying to get pregnant know that the best time to conceive is in the few days after ovulation.

Surviving a miscarriage at sea

A cruise with your family is among the most absurd settings for a miscarriage, but it is certainly not the worst.

Mum of three denied tubal ligation because she's 'too young'

A 22-year-old woman who is pregnant with her third child has had her requests for a tubal ligation denied because doctors believe she is too young.

Slapped cheek syndrome a danger for pregnant women

When a pregnant woman is infected, the likelihood that her foetus will be infected is about 50 per cent.

The signs and symptoms of ovulation

If you're hoping to conceive, one of the most important things you need to know about is ovulation.

We all know 'mum guilt' - but what about 'dad guilt'?

I remember the first time I felt mum guilt, within days of having my first child. The feeling was so intense I rang my own mum to debrief, hoping she'd tell me I wouldn't feel this way very often.

Kristen Bell urges mums to be their own superhero

When it comes to motherhood, actress Kristen Bell is her own superhero and she thinks other mums should be too.

Pram review: GB Pockit travel stroller

In a world of ever-shrinking gadgets, it's no surprise prams are getting smaller. We put the record-holding GB Pockit through its paces.

The beautiful Bombol Bouncer is back

The gorgeous Bombol Bouncer is back - and boasts two chic new colours to boot.

Gadgets and accessories for wine lovers

Looking for a gift for the wine lover in your life - or just something for yourself?

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The adventure doesn't have to stop: here's how to travel with baby

The best part about our outdoor adventures? It makes my husband and I better parents, since we're happier while adventuring.

Woman crashes car to save mum and baby's life

A good samaritan saved a mother and baby from being seriously injured by crashing her own car into theirs.

Should you tell your boss about your postnatal depression?

Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting, and when you're experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety it can seem even more overwhelming.

TV noise can slow toddler word learning, study finds

Background noise from the radio or TV might be making it harder for your toddler to learn learn new words.

Teresa Palmer on her molar pregnancy and 'unsexy' conception

Teresa Palmer is basking in pregnancy glow as she awaits the arrival of her new baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.