Jump to content

Everyone in for some blowing out of candles?
sort of fluffy, sort of settle a disagreement, perhaps petty...


  • Please log in to reply
85 replies to this topic

#1 Studybug

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

It's DS' 3rd birthday next weekend, and we're having a relaxed party with the nearby cousins, aunties/uncles, grandparents - should be a fun morning, and DS is really looking forward to his slip 'n' slide party original.gif .

There'll be 4 cousins attending, who are 2 sets of siblings.  We're all a pretty close extended family (for this side of family anyway) so see eachother for every child's birthday, and for half/most of the adults' birthdays.  Recently, a precedent appears to have been set by the grandparents that all the kids get a turn in blowing out the candles on the birthday cake.  This means, the candles are re-lit and each child blows out the candles and get a clap/yay etc.  This has come about as set of siblings has gotten upset about not blowing out the candles on their dad's birthday cake.  These kids are 2.5 and 4.5.  The 2.5 yr old basically burst into tears, was inconsolable and got rallied around by her parents and grandparents, then the candle re-lighting began, and has continued for a couple of birthdays beyond their dad's.  You can probably tell from my tone, I think this is an OTT reaction in dealing with an essentially tantruming child.  The same way I think it's OTT to give every child a prize, and to give a child a gift on their siblings' birthday...

During a random planning chat about DS' birthday, the jist of a conversation was:
me: do you think family are going to expect that we re-light the candles for each child?  
DH: yes, probably.
Me: how do you want to handle it?  
DH: well there's not much we can do without explicitly telling them that we're only lighting the candles for DS, so I guess we re-light the candles
Me: we could just gloss over it - sing the song, DS blow out the candles and cut the cake and if the cousins start to protest about not getting a turn well, it's up to *their parents* to deal with them...

A discussion followed with DH not wanting to say no to family but with me saying I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.

So, am I being petty?  Do you think we should re-light the candles for each child?  Or is it ok to want to make the 5 second ritual for the birthday child only?

WDYT?

p.s. warned you it was fluffy...

#2 liveworkplay

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:47 PM

I'm with you on this one. I think it is ridiculous to expect everyone to take turns. I also think it is ridiculous when a sibling receives a present as well. My girls have never had a problem and if they did (when younger) well, they were told it was not their birthday and they had to wait.



#3 TrifectaOfTerrors

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

Tricky one as I can see both sides.

If you want to, just let your DS blow out the candles, clap etc, then have the knife ready, whip out the candles and start cutting.  Then you can always just claim that you 'forgot'.  

Hopefully the kids will be distracted by getting cake to eat.

#4 maurie

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

I'm mean so I'd only let the birthday kid blow out the candles - as soon as he's blown them out, just whip them off the cake and cut it up before anyone has a chance to complain.

#5 Leslie Knope

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:52 PM

QUOTE (Studybug @ 20/01/2013, 09:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.


I 100% agree with you here. And no, I don't think you are being petty at all! I think the other family members are being petty.
I mean seriously, relighting the candles so each child gets a turn? Who the fudge does that?!



#6 JustBeige

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

I agree completely with you.

However, precedent has been set in that side of the family.  Also the kids arent very much older, so I think I would be doing the eyeroll thing and relighting.  I guess it also depends on whether the parents can control a massive meltdown/tantrum.   It doesnt sound like it if they all caved in to the screams.


Alternatively I would do a very small mini cupcake for each kid and give them to the parent to light if they wish, whilst my child blows out the candles on the big cake.

As they get older (ie: next year)  I would try again to not do the everyone blows the candle out thing.

You would hope that by the time the 2.5yr old is 4 or 5, they have been to enough parties to know that they dont get to blow every single time.

#7 Lyn86

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

I agree with you-but have you let your DS blow out candles on others' birthdays?

#8 Silver Girl

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...

#9 teaspoon

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:00 PM

Ughh, all I can think about is the the mulitple kids' spit from the re-lights...

#10 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

QUOTE (Silver Girl @ 20/01/2013, 09:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...



When I read the title of this thread I was almost going to bet my house that it would be about the unhygenic practice of candle blowing. Thanks, "silver girl", you've made my day.

As much as I think relighting the candles is ridiculous I would probably be eye-rolling with" just beige" and relighting them just to keep the peace.

#11 BobBottersnike

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

QUOTE (Rawr @ 20/01/2013, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would rush through the blowing out, then chop the cake up really quickly. If anyone complained, I'd probably say, 'well, when it's your birthday, it'll be your special day and your turn to blow them out.'

This, definitely.

#12 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:12 PM

What's the big deal? It's fun, all the kids want a go, no biggie. Do you only let the birthday child hit the piƱata too? Or play with the presents? Birthdays are for sharing in my opinion, not just about the birthday person (but maybe that's because I dislike my own birthday!)

It's also not your place to 'teach' someone elses kids how to deal with tantrums to be honest.

We do it, once they get to about 6 or so they no longer have a turn.

I also do the little present for non-birthday child thing sometimes, but largely because we have a whole bunch of birthdays together and just one little child who misses out. It's pretty hard for a little one, they don't understand why everyone is getting presents except for them. It would be different if birthdays were spread evenly throughout the year though!

#13 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:14 PM

Pathetic. The kids are learning nothing except how to be an entitled brat, and that if you chuck a tanty, you'll always get your way.

#14 ChunkyChook

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Every kid gets a tuen at blowing out the candles and siblings get presents too?? Why even bother having a party, it's hardly a special day for the birthday child.



#15 laridae

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:16 PM

Perhaps just take the candles off quickly, and if they want a turn, put a candle on their piece & light it, just for them.

I don't go for multiple lightings - its something the birthday child gets to do, on their bithday, blow the candles & make a wish, not everyone else.
Its not like a pinata - that is a game. You expect multiple peple to hit it.

#16 kadoodle

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!

#17 Leafprincess

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

Yep I'm with you

Have that knife ready to go and cut away as Soon As the smoke settles.
Whip the candles out with one hand and start cutting with the other.  ph34r.gif

It's your child's special day, they would be the only one allowed to spit on the cake (I mean blow out the candles  tongue.gif )

#18 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 20/01/2013, 10:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!


I have never even heard of people doing this!  huh.gif

#19 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

I suppose there's the other extreme. I remember going to a party as a child, and the birthday girl won all the prizes in games, got to choose her food and start eating first, was allowed to make kids 'sit out' of games, and decided who was 'out' in statues. That's too much 'specialness'!

#20 VintageEyes

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

Ha ha. This reminds me of when I was little.  Whenever we had a birthday with one side of the family, everyone had a turn at the candles. So you had 10 or so grandkids all having a turn!! Sometimes the candles had to get replaced 1/2 way through!

I think it came from my Dear Aunt who had down syndrome.

It wa great fun for everyone, (if not a bit tedious). We eventually all grews out of it, and I can assure you we are all well adjusted adults!

#21 Peppery

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:20 PM

No way. Tantrums = no cake

#22 TeaTimeTreat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

#23 LynnyP

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

I have never seen this happen that other children blow out the candles.  If I had been there when it started I would have run the line that birthday child only blows out the candles as that is specific to being the birthday child.  But now a precedent has been set I would be prepared to go along with it but I would be toning it down as much as possible.

#24 howdoyoudoit

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

If I only have a couple of kids here I let them all have a go after the birthday child BUT I don't do it because someone had whined etc. It's only a few candles and no biggie for me. I hate it though when kids go and blow the candles out ahead of the bday child.  That does my head in. If a kid was cracking it to do it I wouldn't offer

#25 Propaganda

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

I'm with you.

I wouldn't be pandering to kids who are throwing tantrums over something they need to learn to suck up and get over. What happens when they start going to friend's birthday parties? If their parents want to reward them for their behaviour, then fine, but I wouldn't be taking a part in it.

Blow out, and pretty much cut it the moment it's done. They can deal with the fallout. It's a problem they caused for themselves anyway.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Show us your DUPLO creations to win!

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Anti-vaccination mum's seven children contract whooping cough

A Canadian woman who had declined to have her children immunised against pertussis, better known as whooping cough, has changed her position now that all seven of her children have come down with the disease.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

Show us your toddlers LEGO DUPLO creations

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

SIGN UP NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby for just the month of April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.