Jump to content

Everyone in for some blowing out of candles?
sort of fluffy, sort of settle a disagreement, perhaps petty...


  • Please log in to reply
84 replies to this topic

#1 spear_maiden

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

It's DS' 3rd birthday next weekend, and we're having a relaxed party with the nearby cousins, aunties/uncles, grandparents - should be a fun morning, and DS is really looking forward to his slip 'n' slide party original.gif .

There'll be 4 cousins attending, who are 2 sets of siblings.  We're all a pretty close extended family (for this side of family anyway) so see eachother for every child's birthday, and for half/most of the adults' birthdays.  Recently, a precedent appears to have been set by the grandparents that all the kids get a turn in blowing out the candles on the birthday cake.  This means, the candles are re-lit and each child blows out the candles and get a clap/yay etc.  This has come about as set of siblings has gotten upset about not blowing out the candles on their dad's birthday cake.  These kids are 2.5 and 4.5.  The 2.5 yr old basically burst into tears, was inconsolable and got rallied around by her parents and grandparents, then the candle re-lighting began, and has continued for a couple of birthdays beyond their dad's.  You can probably tell from my tone, I think this is an OTT reaction in dealing with an essentially tantruming child.  The same way I think it's OTT to give every child a prize, and to give a child a gift on their siblings' birthday...

During a random planning chat about DS' birthday, the jist of a conversation was:
me: do you think family are going to expect that we re-light the candles for each child?  
DH: yes, probably.
Me: how do you want to handle it?  
DH: well there's not much we can do without explicitly telling them that we're only lighting the candles for DS, so I guess we re-light the candles
Me: we could just gloss over it - sing the song, DS blow out the candles and cut the cake and if the cousins start to protest about not getting a turn well, it's up to *their parents* to deal with them...

A discussion followed with DH not wanting to say no to family but with me saying I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.

So, am I being petty?  Do you think we should re-light the candles for each child?  Or is it ok to want to make the 5 second ritual for the birthday child only?

WDYT?

p.s. warned you it was fluffy...

#2 liveworkplay

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:47 PM

I'm with you on this one. I think it is ridiculous to expect everyone to take turns. I also think it is ridiculous when a sibling receives a present as well. My girls have never had a problem and if they did (when younger) well, they were told it was not their birthday and they had to wait.



#3 TrifectaOfTerrors

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

Tricky one as I can see both sides.

If you want to, just let your DS blow out the candles, clap etc, then have the knife ready, whip out the candles and start cutting.  Then you can always just claim that you 'forgot'.  

Hopefully the kids will be distracted by getting cake to eat.

#4 maurie

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

I'm mean so I'd only let the birthday kid blow out the candles - as soon as he's blown them out, just whip them off the cake and cut it up before anyone has a chance to complain.

#5 Leslie Knope

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:52 PM

QUOTE (Studybug @ 20/01/2013, 09:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.


I 100% agree with you here. And no, I don't think you are being petty at all! I think the other family members are being petty.
I mean seriously, relighting the candles so each child gets a turn? Who the fudge does that?!



#6 JustBeige

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

I agree completely with you.

However, precedent has been set in that side of the family.  Also the kids arent very much older, so I think I would be doing the eyeroll thing and relighting.  I guess it also depends on whether the parents can control a massive meltdown/tantrum.   It doesnt sound like it if they all caved in to the screams.


Alternatively I would do a very small mini cupcake for each kid and give them to the parent to light if they wish, whilst my child blows out the candles on the big cake.

As they get older (ie: next year)  I would try again to not do the everyone blows the candle out thing.

You would hope that by the time the 2.5yr old is 4 or 5, they have been to enough parties to know that they dont get to blow every single time.

#7 Lyn86

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

I agree with you-but have you let your DS blow out candles on others' birthdays?

#8 Silver Girl

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...

#9 teaspoon

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:00 PM

Ughh, all I can think about is the the mulitple kids' spit from the re-lights...

#10 Lady Grey-Mare

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

QUOTE (Silver Girl @ 20/01/2013, 09:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...



When I read the title of this thread I was almost going to bet my house that it would be about the unhygenic practice of candle blowing. Thanks, "silver girl", you've made my day.

As much as I think relighting the candles is ridiculous I would probably be eye-rolling with" just beige" and relighting them just to keep the peace.

#11 ComradeBob

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

QUOTE (Rawr @ 20/01/2013, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would rush through the blowing out, then chop the cake up really quickly. If anyone complained, I'd probably say, 'well, when it's your birthday, it'll be your special day and your turn to blow them out.'

This, definitely.

#12 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:12 PM

What's the big deal? It's fun, all the kids want a go, no biggie. Do you only let the birthday child hit the piƱata too? Or play with the presents? Birthdays are for sharing in my opinion, not just about the birthday person (but maybe that's because I dislike my own birthday!)

It's also not your place to 'teach' someone elses kids how to deal with tantrums to be honest.

We do it, once they get to about 6 or so they no longer have a turn.

I also do the little present for non-birthday child thing sometimes, but largely because we have a whole bunch of birthdays together and just one little child who misses out. It's pretty hard for a little one, they don't understand why everyone is getting presents except for them. It would be different if birthdays were spread evenly throughout the year though!

#13 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:14 PM

Pathetic. The kids are learning nothing except how to be an entitled brat, and that if you chuck a tanty, you'll always get your way.

#14 ChunkyChook

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Every kid gets a tuen at blowing out the candles and siblings get presents too?? Why even bother having a party, it's hardly a special day for the birthday child.



#15 laridae

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:16 PM

Perhaps just take the candles off quickly, and if they want a turn, put a candle on their piece & light it, just for them.

I don't go for multiple lightings - its something the birthday child gets to do, on their bithday, blow the candles & make a wish, not everyone else.
Its not like a pinata - that is a game. You expect multiple peple to hit it.

#16 kadoodle

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!

#17 Leafprincess

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

Yep I'm with you

Have that knife ready to go and cut away as Soon As the smoke settles.
Whip the candles out with one hand and start cutting with the other.  ph34r.gif

It's your child's special day, they would be the only one allowed to spit on the cake (I mean blow out the candles  tongue.gif )

#18 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 20/01/2013, 10:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!


I have never even heard of people doing this!  huh.gif

#19 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

I suppose there's the other extreme. I remember going to a party as a child, and the birthday girl won all the prizes in games, got to choose her food and start eating first, was allowed to make kids 'sit out' of games, and decided who was 'out' in statues. That's too much 'specialness'!

#20 VintageEyes

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

Ha ha. This reminds me of when I was little.  Whenever we had a birthday with one side of the family, everyone had a turn at the candles. So you had 10 or so grandkids all having a turn!! Sometimes the candles had to get replaced 1/2 way through!

I think it came from my Dear Aunt who had down syndrome.

It wa great fun for everyone, (if not a bit tedious). We eventually all grews out of it, and I can assure you we are all well adjusted adults!

#21 Peppery

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:20 PM

No way. Tantrums = no cake

#22 TeaTimeTreat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

#23 LynnyP

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

I have never seen this happen that other children blow out the candles.  If I had been there when it started I would have run the line that birthday child only blows out the candles as that is specific to being the birthday child.  But now a precedent has been set I would be prepared to go along with it but I would be toning it down as much as possible.

#24 howdoyoudoit

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

If I only have a couple of kids here I let them all have a go after the birthday child BUT I don't do it because someone had whined etc. It's only a few candles and no biggie for me. I hate it though when kids go and blow the candles out ahead of the bday child.  That does my head in. If a kid was cracking it to do it I wouldn't offer

#25 Propaganda

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

I'm with you.

I wouldn't be pandering to kids who are throwing tantrums over something they need to learn to suck up and get over. What happens when they start going to friend's birthday parties? If their parents want to reward them for their behaviour, then fine, but I wouldn't be taking a part in it.

Blow out, and pretty much cut it the moment it's done. They can deal with the fallout. It's a problem they caused for themselves anyway.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Welcome to Winter

Now that the colder months are here, Essential Baby as all the information you need for staying healthy and happy during the chilly season.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.