Jump to content

Everyone in for some blowing out of candles?
sort of fluffy, sort of settle a disagreement, perhaps petty...


  • Please log in to reply
84 replies to this topic

#1 spear_maiden

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

It's DS' 3rd birthday next weekend, and we're having a relaxed party with the nearby cousins, aunties/uncles, grandparents - should be a fun morning, and DS is really looking forward to his slip 'n' slide party original.gif .

There'll be 4 cousins attending, who are 2 sets of siblings.  We're all a pretty close extended family (for this side of family anyway) so see eachother for every child's birthday, and for half/most of the adults' birthdays.  Recently, a precedent appears to have been set by the grandparents that all the kids get a turn in blowing out the candles on the birthday cake.  This means, the candles are re-lit and each child blows out the candles and get a clap/yay etc.  This has come about as set of siblings has gotten upset about not blowing out the candles on their dad's birthday cake.  These kids are 2.5 and 4.5.  The 2.5 yr old basically burst into tears, was inconsolable and got rallied around by her parents and grandparents, then the candle re-lighting began, and has continued for a couple of birthdays beyond their dad's.  You can probably tell from my tone, I think this is an OTT reaction in dealing with an essentially tantruming child.  The same way I think it's OTT to give every child a prize, and to give a child a gift on their siblings' birthday...

During a random planning chat about DS' birthday, the jist of a conversation was:
me: do you think family are going to expect that we re-light the candles for each child?  
DH: yes, probably.
Me: how do you want to handle it?  
DH: well there's not much we can do without explicitly telling them that we're only lighting the candles for DS, so I guess we re-light the candles
Me: we could just gloss over it - sing the song, DS blow out the candles and cut the cake and if the cousins start to protest about not getting a turn well, it's up to *their parents* to deal with them...

A discussion followed with DH not wanting to say no to family but with me saying I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.

So, am I being petty?  Do you think we should re-light the candles for each child?  Or is it ok to want to make the 5 second ritual for the birthday child only?

WDYT?

p.s. warned you it was fluffy...

#2 liveworkplay

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:47 PM

I'm with you on this one. I think it is ridiculous to expect everyone to take turns. I also think it is ridiculous when a sibling receives a present as well. My girls have never had a problem and if they did (when younger) well, they were told it was not their birthday and they had to wait.



#3 TrifectaOfTerrors

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

Tricky one as I can see both sides.

If you want to, just let your DS blow out the candles, clap etc, then have the knife ready, whip out the candles and start cutting.  Then you can always just claim that you 'forgot'.  

Hopefully the kids will be distracted by getting cake to eat.

#4 maurie

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

I'm mean so I'd only let the birthday kid blow out the candles - as soon as he's blown them out, just whip them off the cake and cut it up before anyone has a chance to complain.

#5 Leslie Knope

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:52 PM

QUOTE (Studybug @ 20/01/2013, 09:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.


I 100% agree with you here. And no, I don't think you are being petty at all! I think the other family members are being petty.
I mean seriously, relighting the candles so each child gets a turn? Who the fudge does that?!



#6 JingleBlitzenBells

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

I agree completely with you.

However, precedent has been set in that side of the family.  Also the kids arent very much older, so I think I would be doing the eyeroll thing and relighting.  I guess it also depends on whether the parents can control a massive meltdown/tantrum.   It doesnt sound like it if they all caved in to the screams.


Alternatively I would do a very small mini cupcake for each kid and give them to the parent to light if they wish, whilst my child blows out the candles on the big cake.

As they get older (ie: next year)  I would try again to not do the everyone blows the candle out thing.

You would hope that by the time the 2.5yr old is 4 or 5, they have been to enough parties to know that they dont get to blow every single time.

#7 Lyn86

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

I agree with you-but have you let your DS blow out candles on others' birthdays?

#8 Silver Girl

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...

#9 teaspoon

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:00 PM

Ughh, all I can think about is the the mulitple kids' spit from the re-lights...

#10 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

QUOTE (Silver Girl @ 20/01/2013, 09:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...



When I read the title of this thread I was almost going to bet my house that it would be about the unhygenic practice of candle blowing. Thanks, "silver girl", you've made my day.

As much as I think relighting the candles is ridiculous I would probably be eye-rolling with" just beige" and relighting them just to keep the peace.

#11 ComradeBob

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

QUOTE (Rawr @ 20/01/2013, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would rush through the blowing out, then chop the cake up really quickly. If anyone complained, I'd probably say, 'well, when it's your birthday, it'll be your special day and your turn to blow them out.'

This, definitely.

#12 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:12 PM

What's the big deal? It's fun, all the kids want a go, no biggie. Do you only let the birthday child hit the piƱata too? Or play with the presents? Birthdays are for sharing in my opinion, not just about the birthday person (but maybe that's because I dislike my own birthday!)

It's also not your place to 'teach' someone elses kids how to deal with tantrums to be honest.

We do it, once they get to about 6 or so they no longer have a turn.

I also do the little present for non-birthday child thing sometimes, but largely because we have a whole bunch of birthdays together and just one little child who misses out. It's pretty hard for a little one, they don't understand why everyone is getting presents except for them. It would be different if birthdays were spread evenly throughout the year though!

#13 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:14 PM

Pathetic. The kids are learning nothing except how to be an entitled brat, and that if you chuck a tanty, you'll always get your way.

#14 ChunkyChook

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Every kid gets a tuen at blowing out the candles and siblings get presents too?? Why even bother having a party, it's hardly a special day for the birthday child.



#15 laridae

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:16 PM

Perhaps just take the candles off quickly, and if they want a turn, put a candle on their piece & light it, just for them.

I don't go for multiple lightings - its something the birthday child gets to do, on their bithday, blow the candles & make a wish, not everyone else.
Its not like a pinata - that is a game. You expect multiple peple to hit it.

#16 kadoodle

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!

#17 Leafprincess

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

Yep I'm with you

Have that knife ready to go and cut away as Soon As the smoke settles.
Whip the candles out with one hand and start cutting with the other.  ph34r.gif

It's your child's special day, they would be the only one allowed to spit on the cake (I mean blow out the candles  tongue.gif )

#18 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 20/01/2013, 10:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!


I have never even heard of people doing this!  huh.gif

#19 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

I suppose there's the other extreme. I remember going to a party as a child, and the birthday girl won all the prizes in games, got to choose her food and start eating first, was allowed to make kids 'sit out' of games, and decided who was 'out' in statues. That's too much 'specialness'!

#20 VintageEyes

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

Ha ha. This reminds me of when I was little.  Whenever we had a birthday with one side of the family, everyone had a turn at the candles. So you had 10 or so grandkids all having a turn!! Sometimes the candles had to get replaced 1/2 way through!

I think it came from my Dear Aunt who had down syndrome.

It wa great fun for everyone, (if not a bit tedious). We eventually all grews out of it, and I can assure you we are all well adjusted adults!

#21 Peppery

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:20 PM

No way. Tantrums = no cake

#22 TeaTimeTreat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

#23 LynnyP

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

I have never seen this happen that other children blow out the candles.  If I had been there when it started I would have run the line that birthday child only blows out the candles as that is specific to being the birthday child.  But now a precedent has been set I would be prepared to go along with it but I would be toning it down as much as possible.

#24 howdoyoudoit

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

If I only have a couple of kids here I let them all have a go after the birthday child BUT I don't do it because someone had whined etc. It's only a few candles and no biggie for me. I hate it though when kids go and blow the candles out ahead of the bday child.  That does my head in. If a kid was cracking it to do it I wouldn't offer

#25 Propaganda

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

I'm with you.

I wouldn't be pandering to kids who are throwing tantrums over something they need to learn to suck up and get over. What happens when they start going to friend's birthday parties? If their parents want to reward them for their behaviour, then fine, but I wouldn't be taking a part in it.

Blow out, and pretty much cut it the moment it's done. They can deal with the fallout. It's a problem they caused for themselves anyway.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Decluttering before Christmas: tips for managing the toy influx

Deciding how many toys you want to keep and enforcing a limit can help manage the sheer volume of playthings.

86-year-old taught himself to knit, now makes caps for premature babies

'Anything is possible if you put your mind to it' might just be the motto of 86 year-old retiree, Ed Moseley who despite his age and abilities has been gifting handmade knitted caps to premature babies.

Want healthy kids? Let them play in the mud, feed them allergenic foods - and get a dog

If you read about children's health, you've heard a lot of this before.

Photo captures mum's shock at delivery room surprise

Life can be full of surprises, but for this couple a surprise came in a very unexpected way.

Baby's family in law suit over RAAF base chemicals

A 10-month-old baby has been exposed to significant levels of toxic chemicals around a RAAF base near Newcastle, say his parents.

Childcare worker investigated after threatening toddler's mother

An early childhood teacher has been censured for serious misconduct after she threatened the mother of a young child.

Scottish baby names

Scotland, the wind and water-hewn land of the loch, the kilt and the heather. Bedecked in castles great and small, there are many Australians with Scottish heritage who could look to that fair country for baby name inspiration.

Do we need more parking spaces for parents?

The Give Me Space campaign is collecting stories from mums who have had difficult experiences while trying to find safe parking.

Gender neutral parenting: what it's really like

If you want to take a leaf out of Clare's book in gender neutral parenting, her advice is simple: "Follow the children's lead, and you can't go wrong."

The vital question no parent wants to think about

Since becoming a mother I sometimes wonder what would happen to my babies if their dad and I both died.

6 parents to stop judging right now

It's worth looking a little more closely at some common parenting missteps. Could it be these mums and dads are really just like you and me?

Ryan Reynolds shares delivery room tips for expectant dads

If your partner is heading to the delivery room any time soon, you've got to see Ryan Reynolds' video on dealing with the intricacies of the delivery room.

The trials and tribulations of teenage mums, 10 years later

Having her first baby at 16 was a shock for Simone Miller, but it's not something she regrets.

Grandma falls head over heels for baby - literally

Usually Valerie Sharp's plan to put her granddaughter into her cot works just fine, but when things go wrong it is hilarious.

My toddler wants all my attention all of the time - help!

This is a stage, and you and she will move through it. I can (almost) promise it.

Cotton On KIDS' cute new baby prewalker shoes

Oh watch out folks, Cotton On KIDS' baby range has just become even cuter with the release of its first ever prewalker shoe collection.

Why I love the superhero phase

My twins are heading towards three and have officially entered the superhero phase. It happened almost overnight.

I'm caught in a 'mumpetition' with my friend and I'm losing it

My best friend and I had children within a year of each other. She thinks her child is God's gift to the world.

A year of motherhood: my survival story

Motherhood burns you down, but it rebuilds you too.

Five traps to be aware of when reading IVF clinic websites

Clinics provide IVF success rates in often confusing ways because there is no agreed format on how this information should be presented.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

What pregnancy is really like: mums share their honest opinions

We asked real women what surprised them during their pregnancy. They've shared their experiences in the hope of preparing the rest of us better for the ride

The truth about big-headed babies

Research suggests that big headed babies become more intelligent than their smaller peers. One mum shares the positives and negatives of having a big headed baby.

How to encourage your baby's gross motor development skills

There are some everyday things that parents can do to improve gross motor skills and coordination.

'My baby's extra thumb saved her life'

A mum whose daughter was born with an extra thumb says that the extra digit saved her life.

He gave her his liver, she gave him her heart

Heather Krueger and Chris Dempsey's origin story began in a darker place than most: with stage 4 liver cancer.

Toilet training from birth? It is possible

This method, called elimination communication (EC or assisted infant toilet training), is becoming increasingly popular in the West.

Watch hilarious montage of strangest pregnancy questions on Yahoo Answers

Some of the strangest questions about pregnancy - and some of the most bizarre spelling - have made for a hilarious video.

How to reduce your chances of perineal tearing in birth

The use of heat packs, along with other aspects of clinical care, can reduce your risk of tearing in birth.

 

Baby Names

Unusual Celeb Baby Names

Click through the gallery to read the details and see some of the most memorable monikers in show biz families.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.