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Everyone in for some blowing out of candles?
sort of fluffy, sort of settle a disagreement, perhaps petty...


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85 replies to this topic

#1 Studybug

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:43 PM

It's DS' 3rd birthday next weekend, and we're having a relaxed party with the nearby cousins, aunties/uncles, grandparents - should be a fun morning, and DS is really looking forward to his slip 'n' slide party original.gif .

There'll be 4 cousins attending, who are 2 sets of siblings.  We're all a pretty close extended family (for this side of family anyway) so see eachother for every child's birthday, and for half/most of the adults' birthdays.  Recently, a precedent appears to have been set by the grandparents that all the kids get a turn in blowing out the candles on the birthday cake.  This means, the candles are re-lit and each child blows out the candles and get a clap/yay etc.  This has come about as set of siblings has gotten upset about not blowing out the candles on their dad's birthday cake.  These kids are 2.5 and 4.5.  The 2.5 yr old basically burst into tears, was inconsolable and got rallied around by her parents and grandparents, then the candle re-lighting began, and has continued for a couple of birthdays beyond their dad's.  You can probably tell from my tone, I think this is an OTT reaction in dealing with an essentially tantruming child.  The same way I think it's OTT to give every child a prize, and to give a child a gift on their siblings' birthday...

During a random planning chat about DS' birthday, the jist of a conversation was:
me: do you think family are going to expect that we re-light the candles for each child?  
DH: yes, probably.
Me: how do you want to handle it?  
DH: well there's not much we can do without explicitly telling them that we're only lighting the candles for DS, so I guess we re-light the candles
Me: we could just gloss over it - sing the song, DS blow out the candles and cut the cake and if the cousins start to protest about not getting a turn well, it's up to *their parents* to deal with them...

A discussion followed with DH not wanting to say no to family but with me saying I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.

So, am I being petty?  Do you think we should re-light the candles for each child?  Or is it ok to want to make the 5 second ritual for the birthday child only?

WDYT?

p.s. warned you it was fluffy...

#2 liveworkplay

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:47 PM

I'm with you on this one. I think it is ridiculous to expect everyone to take turns. I also think it is ridiculous when a sibling receives a present as well. My girls have never had a problem and if they did (when younger) well, they were told it was not their birthday and they had to wait.



#3 TrifectaOfTerrors

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

Tricky one as I can see both sides.

If you want to, just let your DS blow out the candles, clap etc, then have the knife ready, whip out the candles and start cutting.  Then you can always just claim that you 'forgot'.  

Hopefully the kids will be distracted by getting cake to eat.

#4 maurie

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

I'm mean so I'd only let the birthday kid blow out the candles - as soon as he's blown them out, just whip them off the cake and cut it up before anyone has a chance to complain.

#5 Leslie Knope

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:52 PM

QUOTE (Studybug @ 20/01/2013, 09:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it's a good lesson in teaching kids that there is joy to be had in celebrating someone else's milestone and some occasion are about other people and that's ok.


I 100% agree with you here. And no, I don't think you are being petty at all! I think the other family members are being petty.
I mean seriously, relighting the candles so each child gets a turn? Who the fudge does that?!



#6 JustBeige

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

I agree completely with you.

However, precedent has been set in that side of the family.  Also the kids arent very much older, so I think I would be doing the eyeroll thing and relighting.  I guess it also depends on whether the parents can control a massive meltdown/tantrum.   It doesnt sound like it if they all caved in to the screams.


Alternatively I would do a very small mini cupcake for each kid and give them to the parent to light if they wish, whilst my child blows out the candles on the big cake.

As they get older (ie: next year)  I would try again to not do the everyone blows the candle out thing.

You would hope that by the time the 2.5yr old is 4 or 5, they have been to enough parties to know that they dont get to blow every single time.

#7 Lyn86

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

I agree with you-but have you let your DS blow out candles on others' birthdays?

#8 Silver Girl

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...

#9 teaspoon

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:00 PM

Ughh, all I can think about is the the mulitple kids' spit from the re-lights...

#10 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:01 PM

QUOTE (Silver Girl @ 20/01/2013, 09:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with you, and in addition the thought of several children blowing on the cake sounds positively unhygienic. Then again, I'm not that comfortable with even one child doing it in that regard if I'm honest ...



When I read the title of this thread I was almost going to bet my house that it would be about the unhygenic practice of candle blowing. Thanks, "silver girl", you've made my day.

As much as I think relighting the candles is ridiculous I would probably be eye-rolling with" just beige" and relighting them just to keep the peace.

#11 RedBob

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:07 PM

QUOTE (Rawr @ 20/01/2013, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would rush through the blowing out, then chop the cake up really quickly. If anyone complained, I'd probably say, 'well, when it's your birthday, it'll be your special day and your turn to blow them out.'

This, definitely.

#12 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:12 PM

What's the big deal? It's fun, all the kids want a go, no biggie. Do you only let the birthday child hit the pi├▒ata too? Or play with the presents? Birthdays are for sharing in my opinion, not just about the birthday person (but maybe that's because I dislike my own birthday!)

It's also not your place to 'teach' someone elses kids how to deal with tantrums to be honest.

We do it, once they get to about 6 or so they no longer have a turn.

I also do the little present for non-birthday child thing sometimes, but largely because we have a whole bunch of birthdays together and just one little child who misses out. It's pretty hard for a little one, they don't understand why everyone is getting presents except for them. It would be different if birthdays were spread evenly throughout the year though!

#13 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:14 PM

Pathetic. The kids are learning nothing except how to be an entitled brat, and that if you chuck a tanty, you'll always get your way.

#14 ChunkyChook

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:15 PM

Every kid gets a tuen at blowing out the candles and siblings get presents too?? Why even bother having a party, it's hardly a special day for the birthday child.



#15 laridae

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:16 PM

Perhaps just take the candles off quickly, and if they want a turn, put a candle on their piece & light it, just for them.

I don't go for multiple lightings - its something the birthday child gets to do, on their bithday, blow the candles & make a wish, not everyone else.
Its not like a pinata - that is a game. You expect multiple peple to hit it.

#16 kadoodle

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!

#17 Leafprincess

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:17 PM

Yep I'm with you

Have that knife ready to go and cut away as Soon As the smoke settles.
Whip the candles out with one hand and start cutting with the other.  ph34r.gif

It's your child's special day, they would be the only one allowed to spit on the cake (I mean blow out the candles  tongue.gif )

#18 Niamh23

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 20/01/2013, 10:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought everyone had to suffer through the multiple candle sizzleing outs. Wow. Do some hard a*se killjoys refuse younger siblings and cousins a chance to spray out the candles?

This is why I don't eat birthday cake!


I have never even heard of people doing this!  huh.gif

#19 treetree

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

I suppose there's the other extreme. I remember going to a party as a child, and the birthday girl won all the prizes in games, got to choose her food and start eating first, was allowed to make kids 'sit out' of games, and decided who was 'out' in statues. That's too much 'specialness'!

#20 VintageEyes

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:18 PM

Ha ha. This reminds me of when I was little.  Whenever we had a birthday with one side of the family, everyone had a turn at the candles. So you had 10 or so grandkids all having a turn!! Sometimes the candles had to get replaced 1/2 way through!

I think it came from my Dear Aunt who had down syndrome.

It wa great fun for everyone, (if not a bit tedious). We eventually all grews out of it, and I can assure you we are all well adjusted adults!

#21 Peppery

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:20 PM

No way. Tantrums = no cake

#22 TeaTimeTreat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

Only the birthday child gets to blow out the candles has always been the rule here, a bit different if it's grandma's birthday and she has 70 candles and they can all have a go at once.

#23 LynnyP

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

I have never seen this happen that other children blow out the candles.  If I had been there when it started I would have run the line that birthday child only blows out the candles as that is specific to being the birthday child.  But now a precedent has been set I would be prepared to go along with it but I would be toning it down as much as possible.

#24 howdoyoudoit

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

If I only have a couple of kids here I let them all have a go after the birthday child BUT I don't do it because someone had whined etc. It's only a few candles and no biggie for me. I hate it though when kids go and blow the candles out ahead of the bday child.  That does my head in. If a kid was cracking it to do it I wouldn't offer

#25 Propaganda

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:29 PM

I'm with you.

I wouldn't be pandering to kids who are throwing tantrums over something they need to learn to suck up and get over. What happens when they start going to friend's birthday parties? If their parents want to reward them for their behaviour, then fine, but I wouldn't be taking a part in it.

Blow out, and pretty much cut it the moment it's done. They can deal with the fallout. It's a problem they caused for themselves anyway.




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