Jump to content

Are you a helicopter parent?


  • Please log in to reply
58 replies to this topic

#1 Lifesgood

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:05 PM

http://www.smh.com.au/national/time-to-cut...0119-2d00u.html

I'm sure I am guilty of being a helicopter parent sometimes, but it sounds like an epidemic that is producing generations of young people with myriad problems.

I know many parents that pander to fussy eaters, never say no to their children and arrange every last little thing for them including wiping their bottoms for them at 6 y/o.

Are you or do you know someone who is a helicopter parent? WDYT?



#2 Jaffacakes

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:11 PM

No, I would describe my kids as more "Free Range"

#3 Bob-the-skull

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:18 PM

no where close....

in fact the only things i do that would be remote close to helicopter like parenting would be related to my DS1 with ASD... so some meals i still cut up for him, and there are a few types of things that he won't eat...

otherwise let them be free and learn from their mistakes...

winning, losing, bumps, bruises, broken bones and school yard tiffs are all part of life! They need to learn how to cope with all of them!

#4 MsDemeanor

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:20 PM

No I am the opposite, I think helicopter parenting is OTT and see it commonly in parents of my kids friends who are so involved in their kids lives even at 16, ordering them dinner for them etc.

#5 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:33 PM

I think most parents who are helicopter parents would claim not to be, as they don't think they are even though it is clearly obvious to everyone else.

#6 Gossipgirl

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:47 PM

No I am not at all in fact sometimes I pretend I am to keep people happy.

My two and a half yr old son is crazy he is fast and very off balance he runs and trips over everything also he likes to jump of things.
He has two scars on his head I have seen so much blood pour out that kid I'm used to it.
At christmas at my husbands family dinner he tripped over his own feet and hit his nose a bit of blood came out not much was not dripping like a tap just a maybe a tear drop of red out one nostril he cried I picked him up said you will be ok and sat him down.
My husbands cousin than starts freaking out he broke his nose and his eyes look bruised (they didn't and he had stopped crying) he had ran off by than and she followed him and made a huge fuss to everyone he should go to emergency I felt guilty sitting in the lounge having a coffee I walked over and picked him up and joined in on the ice pack on the face and started fussing over him to but he wanted to get down he wanted to play again but I couldn't let him
because I had to watch him in case his eyes puffed up.
They didn't puff up he didn't have black eyes his nose was fine but I did feel I had to walk behind him the rest of the night with the other mums to protect him from falling again.

#7 findingada

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:49 PM

I think "helicopter parent" is a judgement passed by other parents who believe their parenting skills are superior. I have been judged as a helicopter parent by people who think they know how to "fix" my children. Even though they are my family and friends, they have no idea what challenges we face day to day.

#8 Natttmumm

Posted 20 January 2013 - 05:30 PM

I have young kids so not sure you can be to much of a helicopter when they are under school age.

Any opinions on that

#9 Daisy Goat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (motherwrites @ 20/01/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think "helicopter parent" is a judgement passed by other parents who believe their parenting skills are superior. I have been judged as a helicopter parent by people who think they know how to "fix" my children. Even though they are my family and friends, they have no idea what challenges we face day to day.



  yes.

I also believe a large number ( NOT ALL)  of "free range" parents use it as an excuse NOT to parent at all. They proudly  and condescendingly say "Oh I am free range style parent"  implying that they are somehow superior. While they darling little offspring are running around willy nilly destroying things, bullying other children and plain outright having little to no respect for other people or their belongings. The children behave as though they are allowed to do whatever takes their fancy as they have had no limits or restrictions placed on them under the guise of "free ranging".

When really it is just plain outright lazy parenting.



#10 Foogle

Posted 20 January 2013 - 05:47 PM

What is a helicopter parent?  

I'll tell you what it is - it's a umbrella term thrown over parents, usually from other parents I might add (and the media as well as a few self-righteous blogger's from around the globe, coupled with random psych's be they 'ologists or 'iatrists), that have no inkling nor insight into any deeper issues that may be happening within an individual child or the family or the extended family dynamic.

I'm sick and tired of hearing the term quite frankly.

You think that parents that railed at the school against the particular class that their children went into at the start of the year and performed like robber's dogs to have it changed is a new phenomena?  I could give you a few stories from my 1960s-'70s childhood.

You think that parents that lay out their children's clothes for them each morning is a new phenomena?  Let me introduce you to my mother - a mother of the '50s-60s. Yes, You would be pleased to know that both myself and my siblings can choose and dress ourselves now without input. What a surprise (but not really if you listen to the current child-rearing intelligentsia)

Ditto to the cooking, cleaning, catching buses, going swimming, walking home in the dark etc activities.

There have been in the last 20 odd years remarkable breakthroughs and understanding of the development of the human brain and all that encompasses.

I think parents in this day and age, have access to that information re: child development and understand and therefore are more readily equipped to deal with situations that enables them to better parent their individual child.

Every parent that I know of, makes considered and informed decisions about what, who, where their child/ren is/are at any given time.  They are not helicoptering, they are making considered decisions.

There will always parents that govern and orchestrate their children's every movement but that's not new to this day and age, it has been happening for centuries and is in the minority.

I wish that social commentators would cease their superior diatribe about child-rearing and how best to free-range your child.  It's boring and as I mentioned previously, I'm sick of it.










#11 cinnabubble

Posted 20 January 2013 - 06:54 PM

My children are free to fall over and fail, not beat other children up. I think most reasonable people can see the difference.

Helicopter parent exhibit one -- Jessica Rowe. I hope her children thank her for it. http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/in-defence...1211-2b7ix.html

Edited by cinnabubble, 20 January 2013 - 06:55 PM.


#12 PigNewton

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:14 PM

QUOTE
Helicopter parent exhibit one -- Jessica Rowe. I hope her children thank her for it. http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/in-defence...1211-2b7ix.html


Just read the article, YIKES. Stealing pass the parcel prizes? Seriously?

As for the whole free range thing, probably not my style either, but I'm closer to that than helicopter parenting. DS climbs and slides and tumbles to his heart's content. Sometimes he falls down and gets a bump and cries, but then he gets up and does it all over again. I'll be sitting on my hands to stop myself intervening with his social interactions at kindy (since that's his weak point) but I know it's his job now (and also his support worker and the teachers)
That's NOT the same as letting him run around, bully kids and destroy things though. I'm the one with the kid who we tell to sit still in a restaurant. He learns please and thankyou and how to accept a present graciously and be a good sport. He learns this so I don't have to be hovering around doing it for him when he's 16.



#13 courtney-b

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

Well said cinnabubble.

My boys are very boisterous and can sometimes get physical in their excitement. They are free to experiment and try new things, to fail, to succeed, but I am ALWAYS two steps behind them to step in if their experimentation is going to affect someone else when we are out. I am much more relaxed at home, where my children spend all day outside in the mud etc, but am not a 'sit down and let the kids get on with it' parent if we are somewhere where there are other children. If my kids were different, maybe I would be different. They are only 3 and 1 so I am sure it will get easier to let them run off and play when they are older.

I hate it when parents just sit down and let their two year old roam while other children get hit, things get broken and other parents are left to step in which I hate doing. This is not free range, it is lazy.

#14 noonehere

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:25 PM

kinda i guess?? im happy for her to play in dirt etc but shes always within reach and eye sight. i dont go running if she has a small fall etc unless i can see its bad.

in the house i know there is not much she can do so she has free run out of sight.

the ownly thing i am strict on is manners. no thank you, yes please. excuse me etc

#15 Soontobegran

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:27 PM

I hate the term Helicopter Parent with a passion.
It's a horrible judgemental term used by some because other parents choose to parent differently.
Most parents are perfectly able to combine just the right amount of 'free range' and 'helipcopter' and the constant competition about who can be the most 'free range' parent bores me to tears.

#16 BadCat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:27 PM

Of course not.  I have other things to do with my time.  The television won't watch itself.

#17 **Anna**

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:37 PM

Yep I am at times. He is my first born and I am terrified of anything ever causing him pain. But I am learning, it is hard to find the balance sometimes though.

#18 76 others

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

So which is it? Parents these days let their children run wild and have no respect or parents these days hover and never let them out of their sight?

Jessica Rowe sounds like a twit. She's the reason I'm glad my kids bus it to school so I can avoid parents like that. Who steals a prize from another child.

#19 Lifesgood

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

I have a theory (untested, unproven un-everything) that it is a bit of an upper-middle class phenomenom.

#20 Ianthe

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:56 PM

Nope. More free range here. They have to learn to negotiate the world eventually and I would prefer them to do that in stages.

#21 icekool

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

Yes I am depending on where we are and who our kids play with.

#22 BadCat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:18 PM

Stealing pass the parcel prizes?  Why didn't I ever think of that?  My kids could have had so many more cheap pieces of crap by now.

Seriously though, how can she not see she's behaving like a complete numpty?

#23 liveworkplay

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:29 PM

QUOTE
I think "helicopter parent" is a judgement passed by other parents who believe their parenting skills are superior. I have been judged as a helicopter parent by people who think they know how to "fix" my children. Even though they are my family and friends, they have no idea what challenges we face day to day.



and this isn't judgmental?.

QUOTE
I also believe a large number ( NOT ALL) of "free range" parents use it as an excuse NOT to parent at all. They proudly and condescendingly say "Oh I am free range style parent" implying that they are somehow superior. While they darling little offspring are running around willy nilly destroying things, bullying other children and plain outright having little to no respect for other people or their belongings. The children behave as though they are allowed to do whatever takes their fancy as they have had no limits or restrictions placed on them under the guise of "free ranging".

When really it is just plain outright lazy parenting.


I do not label my parenting as it is my way, no one elses. DO I stand and catch my children every time they go to fall? No. Do I shelter them from unhappiness and getting hurt? No Do I step in every time something doesn't go their way? Hell no. DO I comfort them and help them when needed? Yes Do I supervise them when in a public place? of course.

I don't know what that makes me but I do know I want my kids to test their strengths and weaknesses, to celebrate the joys of achieving something on their own. I want them to know that it is ok to fail but it is equally ok to revel in your successes. I want them to know that to be good at something you have to try over and over again and that sometimes your best isn't enough. I want them to know it is ok to ask for help when they feel they need it. To do this, they need space to learn, not me stepping in at every hint of possible conflict.

#24 popsicle :)

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

Well said STBG!

And I agree with Gloriosa - JR sounds like an absolute twit and numpty!

What kind of adult steals a pass the parcel prize from another child and then gets ousted by her children! - what a numpty

ETA: Isn't being a parent all about going between "helicopter" and "free range" depending on the situation and what is best for your child at the time????

Edited by popsicle :), 20 January 2013 - 08:57 PM.


#25 FeRaL n ScReWeD

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I do at times with my youngest son, but that's because he is autistic and the meltdowns get to me, in a sense that I feel bad for him!
Sometimes it's easier to just do it for him after trying to calm him down and it not working.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

When your partner doesn't want you to breastfeed

Dads can have many reasons for not wanting their partners to breastfeed their baby, but both parents should learn more about it before making a final decision.

Model mum Sarah Stage shares post-baby selfie

Most new mums would recoil at the thought, but Sarah Stage has shared a post-pregnancy selfie just four days after giving birth.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Last chance to win a year's supply of toys

You have less than a week left to win your child one of five Fisher-Price toy packs valued at over $600 each - hurry, enter today!

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.