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Are you a helicopter parent?


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#1 Lifesgood

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:05 PM

http://www.smh.com.au/national/time-to-cut...0119-2d00u.html

I'm sure I am guilty of being a helicopter parent sometimes, but it sounds like an epidemic that is producing generations of young people with myriad problems.

I know many parents that pander to fussy eaters, never say no to their children and arrange every last little thing for them including wiping their bottoms for them at 6 y/o.

Are you or do you know someone who is a helicopter parent? WDYT?



#2 Jaffacakes

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:11 PM

No, I would describe my kids as more "Free Range"

#3 Bob-the-skull

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:18 PM

no where close....

in fact the only things i do that would be remote close to helicopter like parenting would be related to my DS1 with ASD... so some meals i still cut up for him, and there are a few types of things that he won't eat...

otherwise let them be free and learn from their mistakes...

winning, losing, bumps, bruises, broken bones and school yard tiffs are all part of life! They need to learn how to cope with all of them!

#4 MsDemeanor

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:20 PM

No I am the opposite, I think helicopter parenting is OTT and see it commonly in parents of my kids friends who are so involved in their kids lives even at 16, ordering them dinner for them etc.

#5 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:33 PM

I think most parents who are helicopter parents would claim not to be, as they don't think they are even though it is clearly obvious to everyone else.

#6 Gossipgirl

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:47 PM

No I am not at all in fact sometimes I pretend I am to keep people happy.

My two and a half yr old son is crazy he is fast and very off balance he runs and trips over everything also he likes to jump of things.
He has two scars on his head I have seen so much blood pour out that kid I'm used to it.
At christmas at my husbands family dinner he tripped over his own feet and hit his nose a bit of blood came out not much was not dripping like a tap just a maybe a tear drop of red out one nostril he cried I picked him up said you will be ok and sat him down.
My husbands cousin than starts freaking out he broke his nose and his eyes look bruised (they didn't and he had stopped crying) he had ran off by than and she followed him and made a huge fuss to everyone he should go to emergency I felt guilty sitting in the lounge having a coffee I walked over and picked him up and joined in on the ice pack on the face and started fussing over him to but he wanted to get down he wanted to play again but I couldn't let him
because I had to watch him in case his eyes puffed up.
They didn't puff up he didn't have black eyes his nose was fine but I did feel I had to walk behind him the rest of the night with the other mums to protect him from falling again.

#7 refactored

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:49 PM

I think "helicopter parent" is a judgement passed by other parents who believe their parenting skills are superior. I have been judged as a helicopter parent by people who think they know how to "fix" my children. Even though they are my family and friends, they have no idea what challenges we face day to day.

#8 Natttmumm

Posted 20 January 2013 - 05:30 PM

I have young kids so not sure you can be to much of a helicopter when they are under school age.

Any opinions on that

#9 Daisy Goat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (motherwrites @ 20/01/2013, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think "helicopter parent" is a judgement passed by other parents who believe their parenting skills are superior. I have been judged as a helicopter parent by people who think they know how to "fix" my children. Even though they are my family and friends, they have no idea what challenges we face day to day.



  yes.

I also believe a large number ( NOT ALL)  of "free range" parents use it as an excuse NOT to parent at all. They proudly  and condescendingly say "Oh I am free range style parent"  implying that they are somehow superior. While they darling little offspring are running around willy nilly destroying things, bullying other children and plain outright having little to no respect for other people or their belongings. The children behave as though they are allowed to do whatever takes their fancy as they have had no limits or restrictions placed on them under the guise of "free ranging".

When really it is just plain outright lazy parenting.



#10 Foogle

Posted 20 January 2013 - 05:47 PM

What is a helicopter parent?  

I'll tell you what it is - it's a umbrella term thrown over parents, usually from other parents I might add (and the media as well as a few self-righteous blogger's from around the globe, coupled with random psych's be they 'ologists or 'iatrists), that have no inkling nor insight into any deeper issues that may be happening within an individual child or the family or the extended family dynamic.

I'm sick and tired of hearing the term quite frankly.

You think that parents that railed at the school against the particular class that their children went into at the start of the year and performed like robber's dogs to have it changed is a new phenomena?  I could give you a few stories from my 1960s-'70s childhood.

You think that parents that lay out their children's clothes for them each morning is a new phenomena?  Let me introduce you to my mother - a mother of the '50s-60s. Yes, You would be pleased to know that both myself and my siblings can choose and dress ourselves now without input. What a surprise (but not really if you listen to the current child-rearing intelligentsia)

Ditto to the cooking, cleaning, catching buses, going swimming, walking home in the dark etc activities.

There have been in the last 20 odd years remarkable breakthroughs and understanding of the development of the human brain and all that encompasses.

I think parents in this day and age, have access to that information re: child development and understand and therefore are more readily equipped to deal with situations that enables them to better parent their individual child.

Every parent that I know of, makes considered and informed decisions about what, who, where their child/ren is/are at any given time.  They are not helicoptering, they are making considered decisions.

There will always parents that govern and orchestrate their children's every movement but that's not new to this day and age, it has been happening for centuries and is in the minority.

I wish that social commentators would cease their superior diatribe about child-rearing and how best to free-range your child.  It's boring and as I mentioned previously, I'm sick of it.










#11 cinnabubble

Posted 20 January 2013 - 06:54 PM

My children are free to fall over and fail, not beat other children up. I think most reasonable people can see the difference.

Helicopter parent exhibit one -- Jessica Rowe. I hope her children thank her for it. http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/in-defence...1211-2b7ix.html

Edited by cinnabubble, 20 January 2013 - 06:55 PM.


#12 HandsOnNewton

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:14 PM

QUOTE
Helicopter parent exhibit one -- Jessica Rowe. I hope her children thank her for it. http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/in-defence...1211-2b7ix.html


Just read the article, YIKES. Stealing pass the parcel prizes? Seriously?

As for the whole free range thing, probably not my style either, but I'm closer to that than helicopter parenting. DS climbs and slides and tumbles to his heart's content. Sometimes he falls down and gets a bump and cries, but then he gets up and does it all over again. I'll be sitting on my hands to stop myself intervening with his social interactions at kindy (since that's his weak point) but I know it's his job now (and also his support worker and the teachers)
That's NOT the same as letting him run around, bully kids and destroy things though. I'm the one with the kid who we tell to sit still in a restaurant. He learns please and thankyou and how to accept a present graciously and be a good sport. He learns this so I don't have to be hovering around doing it for him when he's 16.



#13 courtney-b

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

Well said cinnabubble.

My boys are very boisterous and can sometimes get physical in their excitement. They are free to experiment and try new things, to fail, to succeed, but I am ALWAYS two steps behind them to step in if their experimentation is going to affect someone else when we are out. I am much more relaxed at home, where my children spend all day outside in the mud etc, but am not a 'sit down and let the kids get on with it' parent if we are somewhere where there are other children. If my kids were different, maybe I would be different. They are only 3 and 1 so I am sure it will get easier to let them run off and play when they are older.

I hate it when parents just sit down and let their two year old roam while other children get hit, things get broken and other parents are left to step in which I hate doing. This is not free range, it is lazy.

#14 noonehere

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:25 PM

kinda i guess?? im happy for her to play in dirt etc but shes always within reach and eye sight. i dont go running if she has a small fall etc unless i can see its bad.

in the house i know there is not much she can do so she has free run out of sight.

the ownly thing i am strict on is manners. no thank you, yes please. excuse me etc

#15 Soontobegran

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:27 PM

I hate the term Helicopter Parent with a passion.
It's a horrible judgemental term used by some because other parents choose to parent differently.
Most parents are perfectly able to combine just the right amount of 'free range' and 'helipcopter' and the constant competition about who can be the most 'free range' parent bores me to tears.

#16 BadCat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:27 PM

Of course not.  I have other things to do with my time.  The television won't watch itself.

#17 Percival

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:37 PM

Yep I am at times. He is my first born and I am terrified of anything ever causing him pain. But I am learning, it is hard to find the balance sometimes though.

#18 76 others

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:42 PM

So which is it? Parents these days let their children run wild and have no respect or parents these days hover and never let them out of their sight?

Jessica Rowe sounds like a twit. She's the reason I'm glad my kids bus it to school so I can avoid parents like that. Who steals a prize from another child.

#19 Lifesgood

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

I have a theory (untested, unproven un-everything) that it is a bit of an upper-middle class phenomenom.

#20 Ianthe

Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:56 PM

Nope. More free range here. They have to learn to negotiate the world eventually and I would prefer them to do that in stages.

#21 icekool

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

Yes I am depending on where we are and who our kids play with.

#22 BadCat

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:18 PM

Stealing pass the parcel prizes?  Why didn't I ever think of that?  My kids could have had so many more cheap pieces of crap by now.

Seriously though, how can she not see she's behaving like a complete numpty?

#23 liveworkplay

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:29 PM

QUOTE
I think "helicopter parent" is a judgement passed by other parents who believe their parenting skills are superior. I have been judged as a helicopter parent by people who think they know how to "fix" my children. Even though they are my family and friends, they have no idea what challenges we face day to day.



and this isn't judgmental?.

QUOTE
I also believe a large number ( NOT ALL) of "free range" parents use it as an excuse NOT to parent at all. They proudly and condescendingly say "Oh I am free range style parent" implying that they are somehow superior. While they darling little offspring are running around willy nilly destroying things, bullying other children and plain outright having little to no respect for other people or their belongings. The children behave as though they are allowed to do whatever takes their fancy as they have had no limits or restrictions placed on them under the guise of "free ranging".

When really it is just plain outright lazy parenting.


I do not label my parenting as it is my way, no one elses. DO I stand and catch my children every time they go to fall? No. Do I shelter them from unhappiness and getting hurt? No Do I step in every time something doesn't go their way? Hell no. DO I comfort them and help them when needed? Yes Do I supervise them when in a public place? of course.

I don't know what that makes me but I do know I want my kids to test their strengths and weaknesses, to celebrate the joys of achieving something on their own. I want them to know that it is ok to fail but it is equally ok to revel in your successes. I want them to know that to be good at something you have to try over and over again and that sometimes your best isn't enough. I want them to know it is ok to ask for help when they feel they need it. To do this, they need space to learn, not me stepping in at every hint of possible conflict.

#24 popsicle :)

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:48 PM

Well said STBG!

And I agree with Gloriosa - JR sounds like an absolute twit and numpty!

What kind of adult steals a pass the parcel prize from another child and then gets ousted by her children! - what a numpty

ETA: Isn't being a parent all about going between "helicopter" and "free range" depending on the situation and what is best for your child at the time????

Edited by popsicle :), 20 January 2013 - 08:57 PM.


#25 FeRaL n ScReWeD

Posted 20 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I do at times with my youngest son, but that's because he is autistic and the meltdowns get to me, in a sense that I feel bad for him!
Sometimes it's easier to just do it for him after trying to calm him down and it not working.




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